These White, Padded Walls
Mommy Always Told Me I Was Special
Entry 1
Mommy always told me I was special. Even since I was a colt, my mommy always told me I was special, different from everypony else. I never knew why. Probably because I have a lot of friends. They always hang out with me, they never seem to want to leave me alone. Even when I sleep, they're at my window or in my closet, wanting to play. They're many, my chums. Let's see, there's Magic Shine, she likes magic. There's Blazing Speed, he's a fast runner, and then there's my best friend. His name is Shadow. He's mysterious and cool, and he always took a liking to me. But, enough about that. My name is Spark. I hate my last name, I just like Spark or Sparky. I'm 15 and I live in Ponyville, which is a tiny town just outside of Canterlot. If you're wondering why I'm writing this, Doctor Shots wanted me to take care to write down everything I do or think about. So, here I am! Well, that's about all for today I think. So yeah, I'm just going to end it here.
Entry 2
I hate celery casserole. Mommy knows that I HATE celery casserole. Why'd she make me eat it?! Ew, I'm never going to be able to get that taste out of my mouth. There'd better be dessert later. She knows how I get when I don't get my way. She's been struggling since Papa died, but she still has me to take care of... I can never remember how my Papa died. My mommy says it was bad. There was blood everywhere, his intestines were 5 feet away from him. It sounds fascinating, I wish I were there to see it. Just imagine how it would feel to grab his insides when they were outside of him! That would be a surreal experience, I think. Come to think of it, I've never really "missed" my Papa, per se. I've just never felt his absence with Mommy always taking care of me. Sometimes she cries, you know. Just when I'm done playing with my friends, I'll come inside from a game of catch in the front yard and she'll just be crying. I never can figure why, I just ignore it. I think it's best to ignore the pain of others and just focus on yourself.
Entry 3
Shadow and I had a very fun day yesterday. We went for a stroll through town and went through all the shops. I got in trouble once, though. We were strolling through the china shop and Shadow dared me to knock down a table of their most expensive glassware. So, wanting to impress him, I did. I told the owner it was Shadow, but she didn't believe me. But it's ok, I didn't have to pay for it or anything, my mommy does. I'm sure we have enough money for it. She buys me lots of things. All I have to do is tell her I want them, and she'll get them for me. Once we got back from Main Street, we played with my ball outside for a long time, until it was almost dark. I told him I had to go inside for dinner, but he just said he could come in, and that my mommy would never know.
She never seems to acknowledge my friends anyway, so I told him, "Why not?". And he came in, and Mommy never seemed to notice.
He even slept over at my house. Again, Mommy never knew. We told scary stories and talked about mares at our school who we thought were cute. We eventually went to bed, and things got bad. Whenever Shadow's at my house for the night, I always have these terrible dreams. But, the more I have them, the better I can stand them. They're usually different, but one is recurring. It's my mommy, all skinned and just a skeleton. I can tell by her apron.
She walks towards me forever and just whispers, "That's a good colt. Mommy will never let you go..." over and over. But it isn't her voice... It's Shadow's.
And when I find that out in the dream, my mommy's skeleton picks me up and breaks every one of my bones slowly, and painfully. Once it's finally over, it throws me into a hole filled with rabid dogs who feast on my flesh until I look just like she does. That's usually when I wake up. Sometimes it will go on longer and it'll just be the same thing.
Entry 4
When I woke up, Shadow was gone. He must've left when I was asleep I thought to myself. But he didn't. I looked up and he was hovering up near my ceiling. His dark wings flapped nonchalantly as he watched me sleep.
I let out a quiet yelp. "Shadow, you scared me." I told him.
"You look like a colt when you sleep. So innocent, so mild." he replied. "It makes me wanna break you." he muttered coldly.
"Shad, what do you mean 'break me'?" I asked, confused and scared at the same time.
"What are you talking about, Sparky?" he asked after a second. "I never said anything like that."
Shadow was always right, so I kept what I heard in. "Oh, nothing. I must have just heard you wrong."
Silence.
"Wanna go downstairs and eat some breakfast?" I asked, breaking the numbness.
More silence.
"Shad? Shadow, you there?" I asked. His stare was blank and vacant.
After a moment's passing, he snapped back to reality. "Of course. Maybe your mom made pancakes." he said, with a hint of excitement in his tone.
We rushed downstairs in hopes of pancakes. And, like always, Shadow was right. Mommy had made us pancakes. Oh, how Shadow and I love them. I was grateful for Shadow's knowing powers. He was never wrong. He boasts this to me almost daily. Sometimes it gets annoying, but I really admire him. He's not afraid to do what must be done like Magic and Blaze are. Someday I want to be just like him. Just. Like. Shadow. Shadow is truth. Shadow is reason. Shadow is strength. Shadow is God.
These White, Padded Walls
Entry 5
Hello again. It's been a few days since I last wrote. I went in to see Doctor Shots yesterday and he said something about test results. He told mommy I have schizophrenia, antisocial personality disorder, and low-tier psychopathy. He told me I'd be going to a special home for special colts and mares. I was told I had 24 hours to pack all my things to head out in the morning. All my things are packed and I don't know where I'm going, how long I'm gonna be there, or anything about what's happening to me. I don't know whether to be scared or excited to meet new friends who are special like I am. I don't know why Doctor Shots says I'm antisocial, I love making friends. Oh, bother, he doesn't matter anymore. I've decided I'm excited to go to this new place. And the best part is, all my friends want to come with me! I'm gonna have so much fun there!
Entry 6
I'm going to DIE here.
I was picked up two days ago at 7:00 a.m. in a white, sterile looking carriage with two nurse ponies pulling it along two days ago. I rode along with a couple other colts who shared my conditions. I introduced them to my friends and they introduced me to theirs. At first, I thought this wouldn't be bad at all.
I was so, so, so wrong.
The first sensation that overtook me once we entered was overwhelming sadness and an indescribable stench. It smelled like the pain, vomit, and blood of 1,000 other ponies. I almost fainted it was so bad. But my two new friends, Dasher and Prince helped me to my hooves again.
We were checked in and shoved in a long line of other ponies. We waited a long time until we were almost at the entrance to a small, dank room. We began to hear screaming when we were about 10 ponies away. This was when the fear grew inside me. When they got to me, I was shoved inside the room. It was a shower room. I heard a voice over an intercom bark: "FACE THE WALL AND DO NOT MOVE. THE CLEANING WILL END IN TWO MINUTES".
Cleaning? I asked myself.
Then it started.
It stung. It stung like 1,000 bees were drilling themselves into my back all at once for an eternity. It was a fire hose. It crumpled me down in the corner like a sack of flour. It hurt the worst I've ever felt, but I would not scream. I wouldn't fill their sick needs. I won't break to these inferior beings.
They poured disinfectant on me once I was finished being hosed down. The hose had opened skin and I was bleeding badly. The disinfectant burned so terribly that I almost lost consciousness. I kept it together, for the most part, however. I sat there mumbling to myself over and over, "Mommy... Mommy I wanna come home...".
Once it was over, I couldn't stand for a minute. They hauled in Prince right after me. I had to watch as he screamed in utter agony. They finally dragged me out by my front hooves and left me in the corner of a long white corridor. The walls were stained various colors. Some looked like vomit and water, others like blood. Normally, this wouldn't bother me. But, for some odd reason, it did. I squirmed in fear that soon those would be my stains.
I was then dragged in for my first examination. I was still limp so I had to be propped up in the chair so I wouldn't fall. A few minutes later, a stallion dressed in dirty scrubs sauntered in and sat across from me at his desk.
"Hello, there, uh... Spark." he smiled. I didn't speak. "My name is Doctor Strait. I'll be supervising your stay here at Ponyville's Home for the Mentally Impaired." he smiled again, expecting me to be excited about it.
I muttered under my breath, still too weak to form a proper sentence.
"What was that?" he asked.
I finally croaked out, "How long am I going to be here?"
He laughed flippantly and gazed at my file.
"Says here," he stated, "that you're here until you're deemed fit for release."
"You and I are going to be fast friends, I feel." he said as he smiled deep into my eyes.
His dark hazel eyes bore through me like jackhammers. His brown, graying mane made him look old. His horn-rimmed glasses made him look even older. He looked like a typical doctor you'd see in a movie. It made him seem off. A bit too off to be running a wing of an asylum.
My block was the more calm, collected type. Some would scream from nightmares and frightening visions, but it was better than some of the other blocks I was paraded around. Some blocks, you would hear nothing but screaming. It was the soundtrack to nightmares. They were the most terror-filled, blood-curdling screams ever received by a pony's ears. Two inmates got into a fight and were punished by having a couple teeth pulled out of their heads.
Back home, this kind of thing wouldn't phase me all too much, but now it does. I have this looming fear over me at all times that one day, I'll get caught with one of these and have my teeth ripped out as well.
I'm doing better than Prince, at least. I share a cell with him, and his schizophrenia is so advanced that he can never stop mumbling to himself. I wonder sometimes if that's me.
I can't sleep because Prince's constant mumbling has kept me up. We don't have clocks because they think we'll use them as weapons. So I just try my best to tell by the moon outside the barred window. It's about 2:30 in the morning and I'm just praying to go home and for some sleep.
My friends aren't well in the new place either. Magic saw the two colts get their teeth pulled, and she started to cry. It made me so sad that I couldn't help my lifelong friend. Shadow and Blaze told me we need to escape, and I agree with them. I'm drawing up some escape plans now. I just hope one of the orderlies doesn't find them.
