Don't Give Up

Don’t Give Up

Chapter 14

Anger

“How’s your lunch?” Twilight asked, looking up from her daffodil sandwich to Dash, who was sitting opposite her eating a particularly good looking flower medley salad.

“Not bad.” Dash said, shovelling another flower into her mouth and chewing loudly. She was happy; everything she did reflected this fact. The way she sat, the grin spread across her face. Even her chewing seemed up beat and energetic. Twilight couldn’t blame her; she too was happier then she had been in a long time. And not just because of the long term coma Dash had been in.

In reality she had been feeling… different for a long time, even before she nearly killed Rainbow. Like there was something missing. She knew how clichéd it was, but she didn’t feel like that around Dash. She hardly ever felt like it anymore, especially since Dash was currently living in her house. The two were almost always together, or they at least knew where the other was.

It had been 3 days since they decided to really start a relationship. 3 days of bliss. 3 of the happiest days for both mares, or at least they hoped the other felt the same that they did. Twilight, as usual, had written up a schedule, though it was hardly followed. They spent as much time together as possible, not the allotted 2 hours every 3 hours. Not going out on a date twice a week, instead going almost every day. Sometimes twice, if Twilight was free for lunch.

Though this caused a problem for Twilight; she had actually turned down a few customers of the library to have lunch with Dash. And since the pegasus was still on leave for her injury, Rainbow was ALWAYS free for lunch. Actually, she was free pretty much always, and if she was free, she was bored.

It was a problem for both of them. Dash couldn’t spend her time practising, her wings still needing a few days to recover, and even she couldn’t nap enough to take up all of her free time. So instead she decided her time would be best spent with Twilight sticking her cyan nose into everything the lavender unicorn did. Twilight had had enough.

“Listen, Rainbow, we need to talk.” Twilight started, setting her sandwich down onto her plate. Rainbow just flicked her vision to Twilight for a second, before returning to her food.

“’Bout what?” She asked, clearly more interested in the salad in front of her.

“About this; lunch, you, the past few days. Dash, when was the last time you left the library? Without me?” Twilight added quickly, seeing the look on Dash’s face that was about to answer with some snarky comeback, like ‘I’m not in the library now, am I?’

“I dunno. Why does it matter? I still get out with you for lunch most days.” Rainbow said, looking back down at her salad, deeming the conversation ‘not more important then food’ and continuing to eat.

“Rainbow, this is serious! You need to do something! It’s starting to affect my studies and work. I turned down somepony at the library just to come to lunch, all because you need to get out. And if lunch is the only time you get out, then I will make you get out.” Twilight said, her tone demanded attention from the pegasus. When Twilight was like this, Dash new she had to listen.

“What do you propose I do? I can’t exactly fly, now can I? And if I can’t fly, I can’t work or practise. That’s all I can do.” Rainbow said, stressing the last sentence. Suddenly, her eyes went wide and her jaw slack. That’s all she could do. She, Rainbow Dash, could do nothing that didn’t involve flying. And she couldn’t fly. She was the fastest mare in Equestria, but only when she flew. She could do sonic rainbooms, but she needed working wings to do that. She won the Best Young Flyers competition, with wings.

“It’s all I have…” Rainbow repeated quietly, holding her for hooves just below the table and looking at them. “And now I don’t even have that.”

“What are you talking about?” Twilight said, surprised at the sudden change in attitude.

“Flying. If I can’t fly, what can I do? I can’t even go home, Twi. What good is a pegasus who can’t fly?” Rainbow sounded defeated. Like a reflection in a broken mirror. It was her, but she was shattered, empty.

“Rainbow-” Twilight started only to be stopped by her own thoughts. What should she say? What could she say? This wasn’t like Rainbow at all. Rainbow was brash, cocky, and even a little egotistical at times. But now? She sounded like a totally different mare.

“See, nothing. Not even you can think of a single thing I can do that doesn’t involve flying. I am nothing without my wings.” As she spoke she slowly started to unfurl her wings, wincing as not-totally-healed tendons stretched and torn muscles were forced into action. The pain came in waves; every time a new muscle was used another spike came. Every time a tendon was forced to bend, another wave came over her.

As her wings finally reached their full span, Rainbow was gasping for breath. The pain having knocked it out of her. Twilight let out the breath she had been holding since Rainbow had first moved her wings. Rainbow knew she shouldn’t be moving them, she also noticed Twilight fidgeting in her chair as she debated something with herself.

“STOP HER!” Part of Twilight’s mind screamed at her, begging for her to do something. While the other parts of her brain were either telling her to encourage Dash, or to just see where it went. She didn’t know what to do. Judging by the look on Dash’s face, her wings were obviously no where near healed. She shouldn’t be moving them, she shouldn’t even think about stretching them. And here she was; doing everything she wasn’t supposed to do but flying. Though she looked as if she was going to break that rule as well when she gave a powerful flap.

“Look at me.” Rainbow said, her eyes starting to moisten. “I can barely stretch them. I am nothing without them, and even when I try to use them I am worthless.”

“I’m sorry.” Twilight whispered, refusing to meet Rainbow’s eyes.

“What are you sorry for? You still have your magic. You still have the very thing that makes you… you. I don’t. And I won’t, not for a while longer. I am not Rainbow Dash. I can’t be her. Not like this. I am nothing.” Rainbow said, a tear leaking out of her eyes, running down her cheeks and onto the table below her. Shattering like tiny crystals.

“I did this. It’s my fault.” Twilight repeated her voice even quieter then Fluttershy’s when Twilight first met her.

“We went through this, Twi. This is not your fault.” Rainbow said firmly, though there was something behind her words. Something she was deliberately trying to hide. Something Twilight recognized. Something Twilight hoped she had misheard.

“If that’s true, then why are you mad?” Twilight asked, looking into her lap. Her sandwich all but forgotten on the table. She feared the answer, but what scared her more was the long stretch of silence after her question. Nopony said anything. Neither of them daring to even breathe until she was given an answer. And there was only one source for that answer.

“I’m not.” Dash answered after a while. She had always been a bad liar, but she hoped Twilight wouldn’t notice. She was mad. She was furious. She just didn’t know why. Her mind could only give her one explanation as to why or who, and she didn’t like the answer. It was a selfish answer. The answer of a foal running away from the truth. The answer of a pegasus who wanted nothing more then to fly away from reality. But she couldn’t, just one more reminder about why she was mad. Just one more reason, her mind told her, to be mad a Twilight.

“You’ve never been a good liar, Rainbow.” Twilight wanted to believe her. She wanted to trust her friend. But she knew when Rainbow was lying, and she couldn’t lie. Not now, she had gotten too far in to leave it with that.

“Don’t ask the question you don’t want the answer to.” Rainbow said menacingly. She didn’t mean to sound so angry. She didn’t want to be mad. And she didn’t want to scare the unicorn away. But she just really did not want to tell her the truth. If she told her the truth, she would be lying. If she didn’t tell her the truth, she would be ling. The only thing she could do is pray that Twilight let her not answer so she didn’t have to lie.

“You should let your wings relax. They won’t heal if you don’t let them.” Twilight said quietly, debating if she really wanted the answer to her question.

“How much longer?” Dash asked, her voice carrying a hint of pain as she let her wings relax and fold into her sides.

“Well, since you can barely open them, and it’s been almost 5 days probably around another 5.” Twilight sighed, shaking her head. She felt sorry for Rainbow. How could she not and still call her a friend? Well, more of a marefriend at this point. How long had they been together? 3 days? She didn’t know. She didn’t remember. The last few days were a cyan and rainbow blur. A blur of happiness. She didn’t know how long, and she didn’t care. They were together, that’s all she cared about.

She didn’t need to second guess herself now. The murder a thing of the past. The coma a hazy dream. Stress hadn’t been seen since Rainbow woke up. And happiness had not vanished completely. She felt relaxed around the brash pegasus.

“Max?” Rainbow asked hopefully.

“Minimum.” Twilight said sadly.

“Oh…” Rainbow said, standing from the table. “Listen… I… I need to go. I’ll see ya back at the library later, Twi.”

“Alright.” Twilight couldn’t help but notice the large wet spot on the table where Dash’s head had been moments before. Sighing dejectedly, Twilight took one last bite from her sandwich and left some bits on the table before getting up and stretching. She had already turned somepony down, and she was away longer then she had intended, it was time to get back to work.

A nagging thought told her to chase after Rainbow, but the rest of her mind knew better. When Rainbow needed time along she needed time alone. Twilight wouldn’t be able to help her. She would only make it worse. It would be best to just wait for her to come back to the library. In the mean time, she still had 5 shelves to dust and 6 to re-shelve.

-_-_-_-

Rainbow sighed as she made her way through the streets of Ponyville. Head hung low and eyes watering (totally not crying). She didn’t bother to look where she was going. She didn’t care where she was going. She just wanted to go somewhere. Somewhere she would be alone, where she could think in peace, where she could figure out why she was mad.

She could go back to the library. She should go back to the library. She knew it; she knew Twilight could help her. Twilight was always there for her. Never once had she abandoned her, forgotten her, or given up on her. She was always there. A shoulder to cry on (though Rainbow didn’t cry) or and ear to listen to (about how awesome she was). But for some reason she just couldn't. She couldn't even think about facing the purple unicorn now.

“Rainbow Dash?” A timid voice asked. She sounded like she was unsure of her own voice. Like if she spoke to loudly or too much or made any mistake she would be thrown into a dungeon or something. That voice could only come from one mare. Rainbow had never been so happy to see Fluttershy in her life.

“Hey ‘Shy, what’s up?” Rainbow said, trying her best to put some of her confidence in her voice though it just sounded like she was trying to fill a balloon with a hole in it. It didn’t contain any confidence, it was empty, deflated.

“Something wrong?” She asked, worry clear in her voice. Always so worried about her friends, Dash thought. Maybe too concerned.

“No. Well, yes. Listen, can we talk?” Rainbow asked, looking pleadingly into aqua eyes partially hidden behind pink main. The pegasus just smiled and nodded.

“Of course. I was just heading home from mine and Rarity’s spa session. Come on, I’ll make you some tea.” Fluttershy offered, waiting fro Rainbow to walk up beside her before continuing to her cottage on the edge of the town.