There's sweat in my eyes. It stings, but it's a good kind of sweat.
I've been through worse, or so I tell myself. It's best not to think—only to fly, only to soar, only to fling myself like a living missile against this stubborn little apple tree in my sights.
"Nnnnnnnngh—Gaaaah!" I shout. I feel the tiny clicks in my throat from my voice cracking. I really gotta do something about that. Maybe it would help this tree feel the angry punishment that I'm about to give it.
There's a tiny clap of thunder from where my hooves collide with the tree bark. The thing wobbles, its branches swaying. Six apples fall into the baskets below, ten, a dozen—but no more. Several clusters of fruit still cling to the tree, reflecting my gawking face nearly fifty times as I hover with a frustrated sneer.
"Grrrrr—darn it!"
"How many times do I have to tell ya, Rainbow?!" I hear you shouting from below. "Ya ain't gonna have no luck doin' it from that high up!"
Hearing that tone in your voice used to spur me on. Now it freaks me out for some reason. Still, I'm not about to tell you that. I'm not about to do anything but yell twice as loud.
"Well excuse me, Professor of Applenomics!" I frown your way, waving a sweaty hoof in the stubborn fruit's direction. "But I've been slamming into that same stupid tree for half-an-hour, and nothing's happening! Maybe you should be talking smack to it instead of me!"
"The only thang that hasn't changed is you bangin' yer grubby hooves against that poor tree over and over again! So you tell me what you reckon needs changin'!" You shuffle up in the crisp morning air, pulling a wagon chock full of half the orchard's fruit from the naked trees of Sweet Apple Acres all around us. Pffft... show-off. "Besides, t'ain't like the tree itself is gonna listen to reason any more than you!"
"Fine!" I fold my forelimbs and stare away from you. I don't want to see your face when we're arguing; somehow the freckles all disappear. "I'm a dunce, alright?! Tell me what to do already..."
"First of all, let's all simmer down some, sugarcube." Your voice is calm, a very forgiving tone. Hearing that almost stings worse than when you're yelling at me. "Ain't no reason to be hollerin' over farmwork this early in the day." I hear you unlatching from the wagon and trotting slowly my way on well-toned hooves. "Second, I done told y'all what ya needed to be doin' for days now!"
I bite my lip, still refusing to look at you, because I know you're right. Somehow, you're always right, and it sucks.
"Ya gotsta come down to the ground and kick the tree at the base, like an earth pony. That way, the vibrations from yer hooves ride up and down the trunk, shakin' every branch there is. It's as simple as that!"
"Mmmmf-mmmf-mmmfmff..." I feel my lips move.
There's a shuffling of a brown hat in my peripheral vision, followed by a green-green glare. "Care to speak normal-like, Rainbow?"
I sigh. I want to tell you that I've been doing nothing these past few months other than trying to come down to the ground. I want you to know how difficult it is for me, precisely because it shouldn't be difficult. Precisely because it... I... uhh... nngh—this is stupid!
"This is stupid!" I squeak, waving my forelimbs at my leafy nemesis once more. "I promised you I would help make farmwork go by twice as fast! How am I going to do that if I can't buck apples while flying?!"
"Uhhhhh..." You trot up until you're positively within biting distance of my tail. I used to feel very nervous at moments like this. "Maybe ya can help me by takin' my advice seriously and doin' it the way I tell ya too?" There is something bright, like a second sunrise. I know without directly looking that it's your smile. "Don't ya get it, sugarcube? Buckin' appletrees the way I do it makes it as though there are two of us here! I can't think of a finer way to get the job done as fast as yer hankerin' to!"
"But flying is what I'm good at!" I exclaim, then stare off into the horizon past your red barn and emerald fields. "It's how I've always been awesome."
"And how will ya ever know the other awesome things you can do unless you try them?"
I slick my bangs back with my hoof. Only now do I realize how much my limbs are shaking. I think the truth is that I have to keep hovering like this. I have to stay in the air, or else if I trust in my legs alone, I might do something really lame, like collapse in front of you. I know it sounds pathetic, but I've never been more afraid of anything before in my life.
"Rainbow..."
I've always been at home in the clouds. They've been relaxing, they've been free, and they've been bright. But they have also been empty. I never thought much about it, not until now, at least. Not until I felt what it meant like to sleep warm, safe, and lulled into slumber by another soul's breath. Clouds never made me feel so... meaningful? I dunno. I...
"Rainbow, come down..."
I wince. I grimace. I know without a second thought that I am going to obey that. Perhaps it's the fear of losing something that lowers me like a deflated balloon. But if you've promised me that there's nothing to lose, then that couldn't possibly make this "fear." Then what is it?
I don't know. My hooves touch the ground. To my relief, I don't collapse, because you are there: your smile and your eyes and your freckles. All of the anger and frustration goes away. This is not losing something, this is a rediscovery. This is you. Why would I be afraid?
"Would ya whallop me in the face if I told ya that yer tryin' things a might bit too hard?" you ask with a wink.
I stare at you. In my life, I've performed three sonic rainbooms, kicked a dragon in the jaw, punched changelings back to Tartarus, and outraced quarray eels. I know that I'm a strong pony, but even if something made me want to fling all of my awesomeness straight between your eyes, I somehow feel like I would be the one to shatter like tinfoil.
"No, uhhm... I-I wouldn't..." I can feel myself fidgeting.
You must see it. You have to see it. There's that quizzical look in your eyes, haloed by the spotlight of the morning glow beneath the brim of your hat.
"You're right, AJ," I say. I'm standing perfectly still, and yet my heart's pounding like it's the hundred meter air sprint. "Somehow, you're always right." And it's awesome.
"Hmmmm..." You chuckle in a low voice. I wonder if somehow you came out of the womb sounding like every plow-hoisting farm mare that has ever existed in the history of frickin' everything. "About some things, I reckon, but that's only cuz I was raised into the lifestyle, darlin'."
You trot towards me. Your eyes are higher than mine when we stand up straight. I don't think either of us noticed this until just recently—not until we... y'know... we allowed our faces to get this close.
"Yer a quick flier, Rainbow. But I'm willin' to bet yer a quick learner to." Your hoof rests on my shoulder. The morning is suddenly a lot hotter, for you have brought the heat with it: the warmth and the sweat and the grit—all the things that once described you, but now somehow smells of both of us. "Just try for once to use that colorful noggin' of yers just as much as you use them wings. Shucks, we both know the blood rushes to them all equally, ya feel me?" You finish this with a wink, a daring wink.
Darn it, girl.
"Uhhhh..." I cough and smile awkwardly. My back muscles are going into overdrive; I can friggin' feel them. "Yeah, I feel you." I turn towards the tree, steadying my breaths. "Just... buck it like an earth pony. I'm pretty sure I can get used to that..."
"Don't make it sound like yer bein' punished, for cryin' out loud!"
"Pfft! As if..." I march up towards the brown bark. I think I now know what I still fear these days. After all that you've given me, I'm scared of giving you so little back. "Alright. Here goes nothing."
"You can do it, sugarcube."
You believe in me. Then again, you believe in everypony. But if that's the case, then why in Celestia's green earth did you tilt your head above all of them and... and decide to take... t-to take...
"Take this!" I squeal, slamming my rear hooves violently into the base of the tree.
"Whoa Nelly!" I hear your voice rise in pitch. That used to never happen around me before.
I'm so concentrated on that sound that I almost miss the sensation of several dozens of apples plodding their way into the basket below me. I turn in a blur and blink to see all of the fruit gone from the tree. Well, dang, that certainly nailed it.
"Yeeeha! Simple as that!" Your voice mutates into a crazy guffaw and becomes melodic once again. "Now imagine if you had been doin' that from the start instead of flyin' yer keister all crazy-like this whole morning?"
"Uhhhhh..." I smile nervously towards you. "I was just... uhm... gettin' my exercise! Y'know! So I can totally own these lousy trees from the roots up all afternoon!"
"Sure thang sugarcube," you say, smiling. Your eyes are like the earth spinning beneath a cloud bank. Your bangs are a million sunrises, each golden strand flouncing nearer and nearer towards me as something rosy eats up those silly freckles. Right about now, your honey breath is tickling my nostrils. "And I'm the gul'durn captain of the Wonderbolts..."
"Oh really?" I breathe. I can't see you now. Maybe my eyes are closed, or maybe it's your forelimb swimming through my mane. "Prove it."
"Well, good mornin' to y'all, girls!"
In a blink, I'm on the far end of the tree, and you're leaning against the wagon. I know I can move that fast, but you? Was it something that I somehow taught you? Egads, my heart...
"Ahem!" You adjust the brim of your hat to hide the blood-red color to your cheeks. You look towards the far horizon as if something cool is exploding over there. "Uhh... Howdy, Granny! Howdy, Big Mac! What... erm... brings you out here so early?"
"Well, it's our farm too, ain't it?" Your grandmother says with a wrinkly smile. She gazes proudly our way as the big red stallion of the farm carries a tray full of water bottles on his flank. He sets the thing onto the edge of the wagon while Ms. Smith finishes stumbling up the hill, only to sit down in the cool shade and adjust the straps of a saddlebag on her bony backside. "I knew you two fillies were workin' up an awful sweat for a saturday mornin'. Figured it was only polite to give y'all a refreshment before we made our way into town."
"Awww shucks, Granny!" You say, the tone in your voice having returned to its friendly twang. "As much as I love the thought of ice cold water, y'all really didn't have to—"
"Killer!" I soar over in a blur, startling you as I slap a bottle off the tray, uncap it, and pour the frigid contents down my throat in a heartbeat. The sensation sends a delightful shudder down my body, in the opposite direction of... errr... anyways, the stuff is really nice and cold. "Ahhhhh yeah." I wipe my lips dry and smirk across the way. "Thanks a ton, Ms. Smith. You totally read my mind."
"Heh heh heh..." She's so pleasant. They're all so pleasant. "Please, darlin', you can call me 'Granny' at this point, ya reckon?"
"Oh... uhm..." I fidget slightly, casting you a sideways glance as I grip the bottle in my hoof. "Sure thing, Granny."
"Besides, we're the ones who should be thankin' you," Ms. Sm—er[... Granny says. "What, with the way you've been helpin' us with chores around here these last few months, it's like a true gift from the sky!"
"Are you kidding?" I grin wide. "The breakfasts you make are flippin' sweet, Granny! I'm just doing this to repay you guys!" I shrug. "So what's a little sweat and sawdust if it gets the job done?"
"Oh sweetie, you should know by now that this ain't about you owin' us anythin'."
I smile at her. After a few blinks, my smile twists into a confused glance. "Huh? What do you mean by that?"
Granny doesn't answer me. She and Big Mac look at each other, and their smile is identical.
"Ahem..." You march a few steps towards them. "So, you both are headed into town?"
"Eeeyope."
"What for?"
"Figured we'd let Apple Bloom do some window shoppin' at the marketplace." Granny leans in and whispers into your ear, as if the rest of us somehow can't hear her. "I promised her she'd get her ears pierced this comin' birthday, and the lil' sprite is just bouncin' to check out some earrings."
"Heh... Ya don't say. Where is the little filly?"
"Here I am, Applejack!" A yellow shape waddles happily up the hillside, grinning brighter than the sun itself. She's wearing a saddlebag twice the size than a foal her age should be allowed, and she collapses onces—slamming into the ground—"Ooof!"—and is up on her hooves just as quickly. I can't decide if she's got guts or is just that frickin' young. "I'm gonna be wearin' sparklin' diamonds soon! Like a lady!"
"Eh heh..." You reach a hoof out to hug Apple Bloom as the young pony nuzzles your leg. Casting a wink over her red bow at the rest of us, you say, "How about we start at zirconium and work our way up?"
"Zirconium?! That sounds fancy!"
"You betcha!"
"Heeheehe!" Apple Bloom then turns to me, her amber eyes flickering like candles. "Good mornin', Aunt Rainbow! How's the apple buckin'?"
"Pretty cool, if you ask me, kiddo—" I freeze in place, my eyes crossed. I shake the cobwebs loose and squint down at the foal. "Wait. What did you just call me—?"
She almost plows me over with a hug, tackling my front legs and leaning her smiling chin on my chest. "It's so cool havin' you around on the farm! All of the kids at Cheerilee's school are super jealous! 'The one and only Rainbow Dash is hangin' around at Sweet Apple Acres!' Heeheehee... you've no idea how many times Scootaloo asks to come over."
"Uhhh..." I gulp nervously and force a smile. "Just... h-how many ponies know that I've been hanging around—"
"Apple Bloom, settle down, darlin'." Granny trots through us, dragging the filly alongside her and Big Mac as they move towards Ponyville beyond the crest of the hill. "Save yer energy for the walk into town. Granny needs a good, healthy shoulder to lean on, y'know."
"But Granny! Big Mac's larger than me! Ain't that his job?"
"It was when he was yer age, sweet pea! A foal is a lot more like a cane than a stallion. Ain't that right, Macintosh?"
"Heheh... Eeyup."
"So long, y'all!" You exclaim cheerfully with a wave of your hat, shaking me out of a numb stupor. "Say 'howdy' to Twilight and the others if you see 'em!"
"Sure thang, Applejack!"
"Good bye, Applejack!" Apple Bloom calls back. She then giggles towards me. "Good bye, Aunt Rainbow."
"Yeah... uh... see ya," I say, waving limply. After a few seconds, I pivot my gaze to take in you and your nervous smile.
"Well, alrighty then!" You clap your hooves against the earth with a limp chuckle and shuffle back towards the wagon. "Let's go after the east orchards, shall we?"
"Uhhh... AJ?"
"Apples won't buck themselves, y'know—"
"What was that just now?" I ask, pointing towards the distant, bobbing shape of Apple Bloom. "Why is your lil' sis calling me..." I grimace at the term. "Calling me her 'Aunt?'"
"Uhhhhh... Eh heh heh..." You take a deep breath. When you turn towards me, it is with a soft smile. There is no shame in your voice as you say, "It was Granny who came up with the idea."
"What idea?"
"Well, with you bein' around so much and all, it seems like a good way of explainin' things to Apple Bloom."
"Uh huh, sure." I raise an eyebrow. "Except for—y'know—the fact that it's not true."
You chuckle again. "Oh come on now, sugarcube..."
"We are sooooo not sisters, AJ. Eeeyugh!" I shake my head, clutching the water bottle. "Especially after—"
"Shhhh!" You rush in, as if the apples can hear us. Still, that hasn't stopped you from pressing a hoof to my lips, and you realize how silly it is a million years after I do. With an adorable blush, you roll your eyes and smile at me. "Look, we'll explain the truth to Apple Bloom when she's older."
I gently move your hoof from my face. "Yeah? Like how much older?"
"Oh, I dunno. Three or four years, I reckon."
"Three or four years?!" my voice cracks, and I hate myself. I hate trembling like a moron. "But that's... that's..."
"What?" You ask. Your smirk is a sharp thing that can chisel away mountains. "That somethin' you can't imagine?"
"Well, no! I mean... it's just that..." I shrug, chuckling breathily. "Applejack, it's not like I've actually moved in with you or whatnot..."
"Haven't you?"
I freeze in place. I'm still trembling. If I was hovering, it would be a lot easier to hide it.
"Let's be real, sugarcube," you say. This is not an interrogation; you're coaxing me with your voice like a wind blows through my wings. "Yer spendin' entire days here. Yer doin' farmwork out of the goodness of yer heart. You spend at least four nights out of seven here, and that's just bein' a might bit generous with the numbers. Eheheh." You take a deep breath, as if it takes so much strength to look at me, only to drink me in. I might die here, but I'd have to live here first. "What else did you think this was, Rainbow?"
It would be so simple to fly away. But I've spent so much time coming down to the ground, only to discover that it's a simple thing too. And it's not just bucking apples, but having Big Mac smile at me, or AJ's grandmother wanting me to call her "Granny," or Apple Bloom running up and nuzzling me as if I was... as if I was...
"Face it, Sugarcube, I love you, and the rest of my folks do too," you say in a sweet hush, your eyes reflecting a lost cloud. "Yer family now."
Not that long ago, when my beds in the sky dissolved, I'd just take off and move onto another set of mists. I'd lie down, but I couldn't sleep. Everything in the clouds was empty. I thought I wanted that freedom, but it always felt like freedom never wanted me. It was always so far from reach, no matter how much I struggled to fly after it.
Now something else is dissolving, and my hooves are on the ground. I can fly, but where would I go? Everything sucks. Everything stings.
I hiss, my eyes twitching shut. I turn the bottle upside down and pour its cold contents over my face in a violent splash.
Your voice chirps through the dousing miasma, "What's wrong, sugarcube?"
"Nnnngh..." Trembling. Water's so cold. Nothing helps. Nothing ever helps. "Ugh... It's just the sweat." I always have to help myself. I've always had to help myself. "I'm not used to exercising without a high wind to blow it off." Why am I here? I'm not helping anything. I'm certainly not helping you. "Stings like heck, y'know."
"Rainbow Dash..."
"I'll be fine in a minute, then we c-can get back to kicking the stupid trees—"
"Rainbow Dash, come here..."
But you're already here. With an angel's grace, you've shuffled over and wrapped a hoof around me. Why do you do this? Why do I let you do this? I should just toss you off and rocket skyward. I shouldn't be quivering like a little foal, dropping the water bottle and curling into your embrace. The soft coat of your chest is warm against my face, laced with somepony's pathetic tears. Who was here before? Did I know her? Will I ever?
"I'm such a lame-o," she whimpers. It sounds horribly like my voice.
"Don't say that, darlin'!"
"But I am!" Now I know it's me, because my lungs are shaking, hiccuping with the spasms that break up her wilted voice. I want to hide from her. So I hide into you, burying my face against your neck as I wish the lousy world away between sobs. "I'm so lame, Applejack, because... because I-I waited for so long..." I gnash my teeth, guarding the words down my throat. They explode against your heartbeat anyway. "I didn't think... d-didn't think..."
"Didn't think what, sugarcube?" Your hoof gently strokes through my mane, caressing the truth out of me.
I give into honesty. I always do. "I didn't think I could be th-this happy." My voice cracks in mid-confession. I'm somehow okay with it, only because you are. You're okay with me; you're okay with everything. I don't want to be anywhere else but here. Somehow, the skies wouldn't be as bright.
"Rainbow, darlin', look at me..."
I swallow hard. I gaze up, and when my eyes open, it's your smile that keeps me grounded.
You nuzzle me and you say, "In all the years you did yer darnedest to win the best things in life, did it ever occur to you that you could simply ask for them?" You gaze at me, and it's not just my tears on your face. "You've won me, sugarcube." You smile, and a swath of freckles glisten in the sunlight. "You've won me somethin' fierce."
I look at you, and it comes out of me like a bullet. I giggle like I haven't since my school-years, the last days before I became an outsider, before I could afford myself the chance to relax. To love. "Yeah..." I sniffle, gulp, and manage, "I guess I kind of did, didn't I?"
We share the same laugh. We share everything. That's what makes this so simple... and so awesome. You lean in and kiss me on the lips before nuzzling the side of my face.
"I love you, Rainbow." Your voice is warm and earnest in my ear. "And I would very much fancy you movin' in with me."
I hug you. I cling to you. I really don't have the ability to make moments like this precious, but somehow you always do. I've not regretted trusting you so far, and I know I won't regret trusting you ever.
"Yeah, AJ. I... I can do that," I say with a nod.
"Hmmm..." You lean back, planting your hat back on your golden head. Once again, you are strong. But you always are, even when you collapse—it's just to hide the fact that I'm the idiot who's crashed into the ground. "Well, look at it this way. At least we don't have to worry about movin' any of your stuff in."
Again, our laughter is as one. You scale the bridge that connects us and run a tender hoof over my face, drying my cheeks.
"Now... reckon you got enough spring in your step to buck the apples out of a few more trees? I know this is the weekend and all, but I'd really like to open our iternary for feedin' the livestock on Monday."
"Yeah." I nod and smile, my wings fluttering without thinking. "I think I've got enough... exercise for one day."
"Well, alright! Let's start on the east fields!"
"Got it!" I take flight and soar over the green orchards.
"But remember!" You holler up at me. "You should continue to buck them trees from the ground, ya silly varmint!"
"Chillax, AJ! I'm just getting a survey of how many trees have the most fruit!"
"Well, shucks! Maybe we can just knock out the big'uns and finish early! Celestia knows you've been dyin' to show off those new cloud-breakin' tricks that you keep boastin' about!"
"Heheh... I don't think I should pretend to impress you anymore, AJ."
"Yeah, well..." I can see the image of your blushing face carried on the ringing sound of your voice. "Could you try yer best to impress me anyways, Rainbow? You... uh... you know I love it when you do..."
I hover above a row of trees, grinning down towards you, as if my eyesight is tethered by a magical anchorline. "Yup. I know." With a proud smirk, I drop towards the ground, charge victoriously towards a tree, and swing my hooves at it. "Think fast!"
The thunder of my apple bucking is punctuated by the cacophonous sound of many apples dropping to the naked grass.
"Carn sarn it, Rainbow!" you suddenly squawk, pulling the wagon at a faster rate. "Wait for me to place the baskets down first, darlin!"
"Pffft!" I playfully raspberry in your direction. "Slowpoke."
"Yer gonna get it once I get over there..."
"Oh, the horror! I can hardly wait!"
You can't frown. You want to, but you can't, just like I can't feel miserable. Everything is bright and free—like our laughter, as well it should be.
After all, this is home.