In which our heroes set off on a quest of questionable legitimacy
Twilight Sparkle's Excellent Space Voyage
Chapter 1
In which our heroes set off on a quest of questionable legitimacy
"It sure was nice of you to invite us to test pilot your space shuttle of objectionable safety, Princess Celestia!", Twilight Sparkle beamed. "Yeah, especially after the incident where we totaled your carriage, I sure am glad you forgave us!", Rainbow Dash added. The two ponies were all suited up, ready to go.
Celestia chuckled. "Oh, it's quite alright", she said, a forced smile fixed on her face, the kind that a parent would wear after three hours of teaching their young child why they shouldn't drink lead paint. "It can always be repaired. That is how objects and ponies differ. If a pony were lost in space, due to, say, lack of fuel in her or his space shuttle, or lost for whatever reason, just saying that as an example, then they would never, ever be able to return. EVER.". Celestia let put a high-pitched giggle.
"Uhh... huh...", Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. "Well, with only that ominous and foreboding statement to guide us on our way, as we allegedly have absolutely no maps of this are of space to help us navigate, despite having ones of places infinitely farther away, let's get going!", Twilight trotted cheerfully over to the rocket's high-tech sliding doors. That were automatic. It seemed like a bit of a design flaw, as there was no way to lock them, so upon passing any space debris, that'd be a bit of a problem. But she sure as hay wouldn't pass up this opportunity. She was going to the MOON!
***
5
Octavia slid from her bed, and slowly trotted, bleary-eyed, downstairs. "Scratch? You do realise it is seven in the bucking morning, right?". Scratch stepped out from their kitchen, equally as tired looking. " 'S not me, 'Tavia", Vinyl Scratch mumbled through a mouthful of Lucky Bits breakfast cereal, with 5 types of marshmallow in every box. No-one had called them out on the horrible Implications of what they did to make them. All anyone knew was that the 'mallow ingredients were sourced from a sketchy facility in Cloudsdale.
The DJ choked, coughed, swallowed a mouthful of cereal and pulled a few hairs from her mouth. Green, she mused. Not mine. Maybe I should try another lawsuit. "If you look outside, you might see it", Scratch continued. Octavia glanced out the window. "You mean the massive rocket outside?". "Yeah...". Octavia sat down. "Now there's something you don't see every day", she muttered as she poured a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee.
***
4
"Dash, cool the thrusters!", Twilight yelled. Rainbow Dash flipped switches aimlessly. "DUDE! I don't know how to use any of these!". Twilight's face paled. "You mean you... Didn't read... The manual?". "I figured YOU'd do it".
Rainbow Dash pulled a lever, and a deep rumbling started in the bowels of the ship. "Buck..." she muttered, and the engines roared into life.
***
Blast off?
They're going already? Their staggering incompetence was... Unexpected. Celestia smiled as she watched the blazing trail of the rocket as it set off into the atmosphere. Not the kind smile you'd expect of a sun goddess, but the kind that would be accompanied by a grey, pointed fin and some heavy 'cello. She casually sipped some tea, nibbled a little on her fourth banana, took a bite from another doughnut. Perfect.
Meanwhile, Twilight and Rainbow Dash stayed calm and level-headed, and worked hard to slow the rocket down. According to official records, anyway. In actuality, they cried, hugged each other and screamed things like "I don't wanna die!", "Make it stop!" And "Buck, I think I left the oven on!".
In which many tears, of both joy and terror, are shed
Chapter 2
In which many tears, of both joy and terror, are shed
"Buck, I think I left the oven on!", Rainbow Dash screamed. Twilight grabbed her by the shoulders. "How can you think about that at a time like this!?" She yelled. "Sorry, just crossed my mind", Dash muttered.
Twilight held her hooves to her temples. Thinkthinkthinkthinkthink! Finally it struck her. "The oven can wait, Dash. I'm gonna try something!". She slid the knife she kept concealed in her hoof out, and sliced open the mainframe of the ship.
"If I can switch the red wire and blue wire after I cut them out, I can-!" She was cut off by a large cabinet falling onto her. "What the hay!? What is that even doing there!? Dash, grab the knife, and switch them, but be quick, you only have five seconds or it'll probably kill us both!".
Dash took the knife, and sliced two wires free. "So now what?!" She yelled, straining to be heard over the engines. "Did you cut the blue and red wires free?" Twilight asked. "I don't bucking know, I'm bucking monochromatic colourblind!"
"What?!" Twilight choked. "What did you bucking say?", more of a hiss this time. Rainbow Dash shrugged, dropping one wire under the cabinet, and the other on her own hoof, electrocuting herself. She doubled over, mane standing on end.
"How the hay do you even breathe right, Dash?", Twilight spat. "You are a foul cesspit of the epitome of incompetence, you bucking-!". The shuttle slowed, until it was at a steady speed, headed towards their destination. "Oh...", was all Twilight could say. "You fixed it...".
***
Twilight Sparkle sat in the ship's medical bay, bandaged. The cabinet, thankfully, hadn't done any serious damage, although she had thought it a bit of a design flaw, but she wouldn't question Celestia's judgement. Kindhearted Celestia, who had reassured that nothing would possibly go wrong. She even forgave her for the incident with the chariot. Celestia, whom Twilight was sure would remain forever uncorruoted and Twilight would never have to overthrow in an epic duel, possibly with some 'Cello music playing in the background.
Twilight groaned and stood up. A feat not so impressive by human standards, but bear in mind that she had to throw herself forwards, land on her front hooves and then twist her neck upwards 90 degrees. It made a satisfying clicking noise.
"Celestia, that feels good", she sighed. Her legs were still a little stiff, and she stumbled a few times on the way to the bridge. Upon entering, she was greeted by a well-rested looking Rainbow Dash. "Good morning, Twilight! Glad to see you're awake". Twilight glared at her. "Why's that?", she snapped, still waking up and desperately needing a coffee.
"Because I have absolutely no idea how to fly this thing", came Dash's excessively cheery tone. "Well, while you're overflowing with merriment here, I'll get a coffee, and try to operate it", she muttered wearily. "Oh, could you make one of my special blend protein shakes?" Rainbow called as she left. Twilight swished her tail in annoyance. "Do I look like a waitress?"
***
A much more cheerful, well groomed Twilight trotted in holding a tray. "One Rainbow Dash protein shake, just the way you like it. 3 chocolate brownies, a whole bag of marshmallows, only the pink ones, some-". Dash cut her off. "Y'know, you don't have to list everything in it. Some pony might be..." She gulped dramatically, "listening".
Twilight sipped her coffee , sighed and sat back in her seat. Rainbow Dash followed suit, but, after a sip, fumbled it. The protein shake spilled onto the main console, causing sparks to fly from it. "Bucking Hooves...", she muttered.
And the ship was off at high speeds once more. This time, Twilight calculated, at a speed where they would hit the moon in about 10 minutes, and blow roughly a quarter of it into deep space. Instead of stating these facts, she screamed "I don't wanna die!". Dash joined in with a terrified "Me too!" And a third, more excited than scared voice yelled "Me three!", from behind them. Twilight and Rainbow Dash looked at each other, then slowly turned to look at their unexpected guest.
"Surprise!", the bubblegum pony cheered, with a burst of confetti.
