The Wind in the Willow Tree

by Silent Bob

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure
Length: 7877

When a number of important nature spirits suddenly vanish, the Elements of Harmony are called upon to take their places. However, a policy of neutrality coupled with a war stirring up in northern Equestria may make this role difficult to fill.

When out of nowhere, a number of important nature spirits suddenly vanish during a brutal winter, the Elements of Harmony are called upon to take their places. However, it may soon turn out that turning the seasons might not be an easy task. And when one has to endure the spiteful nature of their new nature-loving kin, a pesky war stirring up in northern Equestria coupled with a strict policy of spirit neutrality, and the quirkiness of a higher plane of existence where most deities call home, how could it be? Especially when one's now mortal loved ones may be in danger…

Whelp, nopony ever said 'godhood' would be fun.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-22 17:44:21 UTC

Razor's Edge

On a foggy night, a quartet of galloping hooves upset a misty ground, treading lightly down a lonely path into deep woodlands. They belonged to a black hooded figure who apparently seemed to be of some physical stature, her a bit taller your average pony. However, that was about the only detail one could ascertain from her.

There was no comforting moon in the sky, nor any of stars. There were simply trails of green and blue, glowing vapor, rotating in as if they were part of some sort of stirred soup. The only other lights came from a distant city of towering obelisks and spires that dared disturb the heavens. However, the lights from them didn't come from any windows. It almost appeared as if the buildings themselves were encased with, or even made of the same glowing mist in the sky. They even seemed to have a deformed quality to them, as if they were melting ever-so-slightly. Normally, this would mean such structures would be on the verge of collapsing. However, they still stood tall and firm.

One other light soon appeared, this one being held by a gray cloaked figure that the first approached with some vigor. Part of the reason, of course, could have been the light trickle of strange, luminous blue rain that was now falling from a few ghostly clouds overhead. Or perhaps the large pony simply wished to meet him as soon in possible.

The figure in the gray lowered his eyebrows warily at the approaching, menacing, lone figure, though he soon appeared to become at ease, a broken, jagged-toothed grin creeping over his features.

"Haha! Well look what the bloody wind dragged in!" he cackled in a strange accent. "If it isn't the illustrious leader of mortals herself!"

He gave an exaggerated, sarcastic bow.

The cloaked figure came to a halt, standing tall and glancing down upon him with rolling eyes. "Kegstand, Is this the way you greet all of your guests? Rudely, arrogantly, and with a smell of bourbon on your breath?"

"I'm the bloody Spirit of Alcohol Intoxication, sweetheart!" he said, still grinning. "What the hell do you think?"

The two stood silent for a second, staring at each other, before the black-cloaked figure cracked a grin as well. Soon enough, the two had burst out into laughter.

"Same old Kegstand," the cloaked figure chuckled. "It's good to see you. Over a thousand years, has it been? I was afraid the authorities would have closed down your bar by now... or worse."

"Eh well, I don't hide criminals in my bloody basement or nething," he shrugged. "I just serve em' liquor. Not my fault they like comin' here. A spirit's gotta get their spirits somewhere, I s'pose. Ain't no way they're carting me off to Azkadam for that."

"Any of said 'criminals' inside tonight?" the black-cloaked figure smiled hopefully.

Kegstand gave a grunt, glancing away from her. "Maybe..."

The 'mortal leader' put on a piercing, stern look. "Oh, don't pretend like you don't know who is who. My sister always says she could get more information off bartenders than her Chief of Intelligence! Then again, his title is kind of a lie..."

Kegstand cracked a smirk at that.

"Hehe, she always was a wise devil," he chuckled. "How's she doing, anyway?"

The hooded figure took a deep breath. "Same old same old: stressed out, moody, and fretting about Equestria day in and day out. I'd be a hypocrite to say that I wasn't in the same boat."

Kegstand lifted an eyebrow. "Then why aren't you back in bloody Equestria helping her out? Why come home?" His eyes soon widened in concerned. "Oh my… you didn't have another falling out again, did ya? Cus you know... your sister and the elders are-"

"No, of course not. We've never been closer these days," the black-cloaked figure smiled warmly, before throwing down her hood to reveal a twinkling, starry mane. "We still have our differences though: for instance, I've always been the one to think outside the box. And that just happens to be the reason why I'm here."

Kegstand gave a hearty laugh. "Well then, outside the box you've come, Princess Luna! Far outside the box, I'd say," he smirked. "Eh, but anyway, it ain't my business to be gettin' into your business. My apologies for that." He then cracked a friendly smile. "And I s'pose it'd be nice to have one of your kind in here who the authorities ain't after. Always been sympathetic to mortals, I have. Their troubles are why I'm such a well-known spirit, you could say." He then gestured inside. "Anyway, nuff pitter-patter, welcome back to Razor's Edge, lass."

"Thanks, Kegstand," Princess Luna winked. "Keep this up and I might just buy a round!"

As Kegstand smiled, she then nodded politely and made her way inside. But before she did so, however, she could have swore she saw two golden bits actually flash in the bar owner's eyes.

☼☼☼

The barroom itself was a rustic place, the same mist of the forest twirling about its floor. There were wooden tables scattered about the floor, patrons drinking, smoking, and generally making merry at them, and a homely counter sitting on the far end where Kegstand soon took position, replacing another tender. Like the distant buildings, every piece of furniture, every piece of wood, and every patron seemed to be glowing ever-so-slightly. Some of the latter seemed to actually be transparent, while others were more solid, but all had that strange, ethereal, luminous presence, as well as ghostly, vapor-like tails twirling off their flanks, much like the Princess' itself.

On the other end of the bar opposite of the counter there was a stage where a jazz band (with a grand piano, bass guitar, you name it) played a swinging tune. It being a Saturday night, it seemed to be what spirits were in the mood for, their shimmering singer gleefully dancing forth the lyrics:

"So sit right back,

And let me give you the score,

Of a certain spirit who brought the world to the floor!

He took everypony,

And made them crown him king,

And for a hundred years chaos would ring!

But then out of the sky,

Came those who could defy,

The watchers of the sun and moon had arrived!

And with a one-two punch ole' Discord was displayed,

As a lovely little statue on their garden that day!

But our good ole' elders just couldn't let down,

That two of their best would put their law in the ground,

And eventually the younger would endear,

A trip to the moon for one thousand years!

Sweet Luna!

Did they really have to take ya?

Sweet Luna!

Did they really have to make ya,

The lover of a demon as black as the night?

Oh how much for poor Luna to-"

Suddenly, there was a gasp when Princess Luna's large figure began to become noticed, and the music stopped immediately. Soon, it seemed every patron was turning towards her, suspicious looks on most of their faces.

Luna grinned sheepishly, before giving a light wave, blushing slightly. "Uhhh... hi, everywisp! Nice to be… home."

A number of whispers filled the bar at that, and the princess' keen ears could hear a number of them.

"P-Princess Luna? I-I can't believe it. What's she doing back here?"

"I thought she was still banished... from both worlds."

"Must have served out her punishment... it was worse than Azkadam, I hear..."

"Think maybe she made a deal with the authorities? What if she's working for them!"

"Don't be stupid. She ain't here to bust anyone... right?"

At that, Princess Luna rolled her eyes. "Relax, everywisp! I'm not here to cart anyone off to Azkadam. I simply want to have a drink, to feel at home..." She then gave a slight smile, as if she knew exactly what they wanted to hear. "-And perhaps report on a few insider happenings in the mortal realm."

As soon as she spoke the last words, the looks of suspicion quickly turned into looks of intrigue, their murmurs increasing.

"News from the mortal realm?"

"They manage to replace the nature spirits, yet?"

"The poor ponies... I wish there was a way my powers could help them, but weather control really isn't my thing... a Spirit of Fashion can't really do much in that regard."

"You'd best hope you couldn't. Interfering in another spirit's line of business is friggin' Azkadam worthy. It's almost worse than playing favorites with mortals..."

"You mean like our new guest does?"

"Yeah..."

Luna began to back away to the door as a number of spirits began to approaching her, each with questioning looks on their faces. Suddenly, however, one of them cleared their throat on the far side of the barroom.

"Hey! Over here, Princess Luna! Come have a seat!"

Luna turned her head, a smile soon creeping over her face.

"Dr. Whooves?" she laughed, marching through the crowd and towards his table, where he and one other patron sat. Her eyes widened when she spotted who it was. "Zecora?!"

The zebra gave a smile and a wave. "Hello there, Spirit of the Night! What brings you from the land of mortal light?"

"Long story," Luna chuckled, shaking her head incredulously. "But wow! You're the last two people I thought I'd find here!"

"Likewise," Dr. Whooves, the Spirit of Time, said, returning the smile and bowing slightly. "Seriously though, what in the world are you doing here? Weren't you exiled?"

"Oh, you're asking me that after what you've pulled?"  Luna grinned. "Pretty risky business, Doctor, though I shouldn't be surprised."

The Doctor gave a shrug. "Mmm, well... old habits die hard," he winked, waving a whimsical hoof about. "Plus, I've always found this place to be quite intriguing; ever since I ascended. Risky to visit, yeah, but nothing the TARDIS can't handle."

Luna lifted an eyebrow. "You know you can just apparate here, right?"

"Like I said, old habits die hard," the Doctor chuckled, taking a sip of what appeared to be rootbeer. "Using the TARDIS allows me to pop in and pop out undetected more easily than teleporting." He then gave a wide grin. "Plus, riding in that baby is riding in style!"

"You always did treat that thing like your wife," Luna chuckled, before turning towards the second patron. "What about you, Zecora?"

"Going decently, my noble friend," the Spirit of the Everfree Forest said, before lifting a concerned eyebrow. "Though I hear it's not the same on your end."

"You aren't kidding about that..." Luna sighed. "The winter without an end in sight... I was hoping someone here would have information on if the spirit council is about to, you know, actually do something for once? Besides sitting around acting like the spirits of apathy and douchebagery, of course..."

"Yo, hot flank! somewisp say douchebaggery?!" a spirit nearby slurred, a muscular, likely steroid indulging pony with a pink, tight t-shirt on him. "Cus YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE!"

He put on a douchey grin.

"No, Fatuitas..." Luna groaned, glaring at him. "Now and forever: no."

"Pfffft, why don't you give me a chance? Maybe drink a few beers with me and then we can get REALLY close-"

"I SAID NO THANK YOU FATUITAS!" Luna roared, her Royal Canterlot voice making itself apparent. "I still haven't forgiven you for that time you tried turn me into a notch after prom!"

"Pfffft, would have been the best night of your life, too..." he winked, before turning back about, Luna blushing fiercely... or perhaps her face was simply red in rage.

The Doctor gave a chuckle. "So... you and Fatuitas, huh?"

"Shut up," Luna snapped, folding her arms.

"What was it: was it the muscles?" he teased. "Or was it the charm?"

"DOCTOR!" Luna growled, her eyes glowing a hot white. "If you don't zip it, you're going to need one of your own!"

Zecora then cleared her throat, the two turning their attention back to her, simpering.

"Anyway... as I was going to relay, of the council I have heard nothing of today, but I am aware of Equestria's fate," Zecora nodded. "A few ponies have chosen the Everfree Forest to lay and wait."

"Holy shit... she is like… the god of rhymes," Fatuitas butted in. "Mmmm, and damn, gotta give her bout' a seven, too, maybe eight with alcohol in me..." he added approvingly.

At that, Luna's head snapped towards him so quickly it seemed like it was about to pop off.

"FATUITAS, QUIT EASE-DROPPING!.!.!" she roared, this time shooting a bolt of lightning at the Spirit of Douchebaggery's chair, causing him to collapse the floor.

"WOAH- HOLY SHIT, BRAH!"

The Princess panted heavily, ignoring the commotion behind her and turning back towards Zecora.

"But yeah, as I was GOING to say before I was RUDELY interrupted, it seems like that's the one place the blizzard won't touch!" Luna growled, trying to drown her inner fire the best she could. "If only Everfree wasn't such a dangerous place, but... you know... manticores. No offense, Zecora."

"None taken, my dear. They are quite the beasts to fear!"

"Mph, and about the council, I hate to throw coal on the fire, but I'm afraid I've got bad news about them, princess," Dr. Whooves said. "Rumors have been flying about that they won't act. It goes against their policy of non-interference in other spirits' affairs."

"B-But this is an emergency!" Luna cried. "Surely they can make an exception!"

"I guess they don't want to look like hypocrites," Dr. Whooves shrugged. "I'm sorry, but those nature spirits that went on 'holiday'? Their work is going to have to be replaced naturally from what it seems."

"But that could take years! Years upon years upon years for others to manifest!" Luna growled, before folding her arms with a huff. "I know they've always been callous, but this is completely and utterly ridiculous." Composing herself ever-so-slightly, and shifting in her seat, she then leaned closer towards the two of them. "The never-ending winter is doing more than killing crops. There's a war brewing. Old alliances are being called upon. The changelings are mobilizing, as are the gryphons; and you know Lupus Denum, the wolf country to the north? They've actually claimed territory in Equestria!"

Zecora's eyes widened. "You can't be serious. Have they become delirious?"

"I'm dead serious. Though I suppose I honestly can't blame them," Luna sighed. "The northern countries are getting hit worst by the winter. You know what they're calling it? 'The Frozen End'. They've lost all of their agriculture; they're running out of food... they just want to get to a warmer climate, even if Equestria isn't much better. However, their citizens and even soldiers have started raiding nearby villages to nab the former... and aren't very lenient when ponies refuse to give them what they want..."

"Yeah... this is bad," Dr. Whooves gulped. "Sounds like what happened before with the First Great War. A big chain of alliances being activated..."

Luna nodded at that, narrowing her eyes in suspicion. "Mph, and it makes me wonder if Ares had anything to do with the disappearance of the season spirits," she grunted.

"I'd say it's unlikely the Spirit of War would put his foot in the season's door," Zecora stated, shaking an incredulous head. "I've known him to be a reasonable ghost; of his art he never boasts."

"Yeah, but with all the peace treaties and such lately... what if he's after a bit of renewed bloodshed," the Doctor said. "Then again, this is all just speculation."

At that, a fourth voice drew near.

"Whelp, either way, the mortals could always come chill in the Nightmare Realm!"

"Oh no..." Luna grumbled, throwing up her hood. However, she seemed to be far too late in this endeavor.

"Heyoooooo!" Nightmare Moon, leader and spirit of Nightmare Night beamed, taking the last seat at the table with a beaming smile.

"Hi... Nightmare Moon..." Luna said reluctantly. "Nice to... see you again."

She lifted an eyebrow. "Hey, what gives?" she frowned. "I thought you were cool around me now? Remember that time at Nightmare Night where you got really drunk and-"

"Er- Yeah! Fun night wasn’t it!” Luna quickly coughed, the rest of the table lifting suspicious eyebrows. "I mean uh… I’m sorry, Nightmare Moon. There are a lot of things I still need to get used to still since my time locked away..."

"Heh, no worries," Nightmare Moon smiled. "But yeah, if worse comes to worse, we could open a big-ole portal and have them break on through to the other side! I know my student would like that! We could have the party of the century!” Her eyes widened in delight. “And oh my gosh, I totally just sneak-referenced myself!"

At that, she gave an excited squee, before humming the tune to Break on Through to the Other Side.

The group glanced at each other, and then glanced back at Nightmare, sweat-dropping.

"Er, Nightmare... I don't think mortals could grow the food they need in your soil anymore than frozen soil..." the Doctor simpered.

Nightmare Moon nearly face-hoofed. "Oh, D'oh, I always forget regular ponies can't eat rotten food." She then gave a shrug. "Eh, worth bringing up though, I guess." She then cleared her throat, frowning slightly. "But yeah, I heard you guys chatting, and I can confirm it, the spirit council won't act. They're content sitting on their lazy flanks. Friggin' bums. I don't know what sort of ghostly ganja they're smoking, but don't they realize that if the mortals all kick it most of us wouldn't exist? My holiday being one thing!"

"I'd still exist!" the Doctor smirked cheekily.

Nightmare gave him a blank look. "Yeah, but you know you'd probably get super bored within like one year of having nopony around to save."

"Yeah, good point I guess," the Doctor sighed. "Speaking of which, I hope my dear Derpy is alright... I left her at home. The blizzards haven't hit Ponyville too hard, though... yet." He then shook his head, wincing, and turned back towards Princess Luna. "So yeah, I'm guessing you have a plan B?"

"How do you know I have a plan B?" Princess Luna asked, squinting an eyebrow.

"Because, my dear princess, you wouldn't just travel to the spirit realm in order to gather information. You're here for something else..." He squinted in thought. "Hmmm... something that can help fix your problem directly..." His eyes soon widened, an excited smile coming on his face as he beamed in a loud tone, "Ah! Ascension stones! You want to gather ascension stones, don't you-"

"Doctor! Do try to keep it down, you're gathering attention of those around!" Zecora hissed, noticing the patrons around them were now turning their gaze towards the table.

"Sorry," the Doctor simpered.

Luna took a deep breath, before leaning forward again. "Alright... if the Doctor promises to keep from getting too excited, I'll tell you three what I'm doing here."

Zecora and Nightmare Moon gazed at him pensively.

"Alright! Alright! I'll keep it down," the Doctor grumbled, folding his arms.

"Alright then," Princess Luna nodded apprehensively. "But yeah... the Doctor's correct. I'm here to gather a few of those stones for my sister to use. We're going to bump a few ponies up to spirithood."

The trio's eyes widened.

"Woah!" Nightmare Moon laughed. "Alright, that's pretty friggin' crazy. Who's the lucky few?"

"Yes, who?" the Doctor said eagerly, lifting an eyebrow. "I mean... there's not many ponies around who could possibly be ascended except-"

His eyes widened as he gave a brief laugh.

"Oh my - you want to - but they're the Elements! The bloody Elements!"

"They also have a link to both the spirit realm and the world itself few have," Luna stated. "We can't wait for new spirits to manifest. I have to act quickly before everything goes to a frozen hell!"

"Jeez, dramatic much," Nightmare Moon chuckled, rolling her eyes.

"Don't try to act like this situation isn't something that calls for swift action!" Luna suddenly snapped, glancing away from her. "You don't know what's been happening - you haven't had to see your subjects starve to death - to be driven to the brink!"

There was a brief pause, Nightmare Moon looking taken aback, before she whispered,

"S-Sorry... I've never been good with serious situations..."

"It's alright," Princess Luna whispered. "But yeah, ascending mortals has always been frowned upon, so that's why I want to acquire what I need... discreetly. Once it happens, though, there's nothing the council can do."

"So basically you're saying they can suck it!" Nightmare Moon grinned. "Not a bad choice in ponies, too. Twilight Sparkle seems alright!" Her grin became absolutely chipper as she gingerly clapped her hooves in glee. "I'm so glad you're my counterpart! Not afraid to give fate the ole one-two punch! BA-BAM, baby!" She then quirked an eyebrow, however. "But still, won't they... uh... try to punish you again?"

"I'd like to see them try," Princess Luna said defiantly, her eyes narrowing as she folded her arms. "I'm ready for them this time. They can throw as many hell-spawned demons as they want at me." She shot Nightmare Moon an apologetic glance. "Er, no offense."

"Eh, wasn't me," Nightmare Moon shrugged. "Go ahead and call the 'real' Nightmare Moon a whore for all I care. In fact, I think I'll say it!" She then cleared her throat and turned towards the rest of the bar. "Hey everywisp! The real Nightmare Moon's a dirty skank!"

"We know!" a random spirit cried.

"Ugh! Go home, Nightmare Moon, you're drunk!"

The Doctor rolled his eyes. "Yes, because nowisp ever got drunk at a bar."

"Worth it," Nightmare Moon chirped, turning back towards the table.

"Anyway, what about the rest of the season spirits though?" the Doctor asked. "Won't they care that you're messing with their business?"

"Well then, to use a crude saying, they can 'go screw themselves' if they don't like it," Luna grunted. "They may be content with letting new spirits manifest and letting millions die in the process, but I'm definitely not!"

"Then I hope you understand," Zecora said. "They may not be so... inviting of those involved in your plan."

"Yeah, will they even bother to help the spirits you've ascended? You know, learn how to control their powers and all that," Nightmare Moon said, waving a hoof about. "I mean... nature control is some pretty complicated crap."

"Well, they had better. Unless they want to try to get rid of those who we choose to ascend, which they better not unless they really want to piss me off," she growled with gritted teeth, narrowing her eyes. She then took a deep breath, composing herself. "Twilight Sparkle is a friend of mine, so I would be asking her to do this unless it was necessary. She isn't ready for nor do I think she wants near-immortality. So they had better lend a hoof..."

The Doctor raised his eyebrows. "Heh. Well, sounds like you're serious about this. Interesting prospect to make it happen, too..."

Luna smiled brightly at him. "Then would you be willing to-"

The Doctor chuckled. "Rule breaking and playing the rebel for the greater good, with high risk of being prosecuted and sent to Azkadam, and then a chance to figure out how to break out of Azkadam-" His smile turned into a grin ."Ahem, anyway. Of course I'm in! I've got a big blue taxi waiting if you want to use it. We can pop right in and out and snatch ascension stones from the Trinity Vault if we need to. Won't be too hard."

"Are you serious?!" Princess Luna said merilly.

"Some of the time," the Doctor shrugged. "But yeah, I'm ready and willing. Who doesn't want to get on the Princes of the Night's good side, anyway?" he added with a smile.

"Well then, let's do this!" Princess Luna beamed.

"Sounds bloody good to me," the Doctor beamed. "Haven't had a good adventure in a bit."

"Oooo, can I come too? I never get to do this sort of crazy stuff!" Nightmare Moon grinned.

"I would also like to assist where I can," Zecora smiled. "I care deeply of the mortal lands!"

"The more hooves the merrier," Princess Luna smiled towards her, before turning towards Nightmare Moon. "And I suppose we might as well try to bond or something..."

"Hell yeah!” Nightmare Moon beamed, giggling. “ALRIGHT THEN! GO TEAM ASCENSION! YEEEEAAAAAH!"

Her companions gave her a blank look.

She merely shrugged in response. "What? Had to be done."

"Well, come on then," Princess Luna said breathily, standing up. "I just hope we can get what we need before it's too late..."

☼☼☼

As the four made their leave, they were unaware at the presence of a figure sitting in the darkest corner of the bar. His glowing, spiritual presence was all but overtaken by a black long-coat of a soldier's outfit, and his face was completely obscured by a gas-mask with red, glowing slits for eye-holes.

In a solid motion, he suddenly brought a bright, teal stone of some sort before his mouth-piece, before growling in an unearthly, gravelly tone: "General Winter. This is Windigo-6."

Suddenly, a voice groaned back from the rock, this one more down-to-earth sounding.

"I hear ya Windigo-6, having fun scoping out the hotties?"

"M'am..." the soldier groaned.

A chuckle soon followed. "Oh, lighten up, will you. I swear, jokes go right through you like anything else does... but anyway, yeah, what's up?"

"I have news to report..." Windigo-6 droned. "You need to be prepared for... unforeseen obstructions."

...

"That's uh... kind of vague. Good dramatic effect though. What kind of obstructions are we talking about? Are my tax returns going to take longer this year?"

There was a pause, before the soldier replied with:

"The kind of obstruction that rules the night."

...

...

...

A cough came from the stone.

"Yeah... that's still pretty vague."

Masks

A terrific whirring sound emanated inside a massive, ornate, marble chamber of a room. High above hung a swaying, beautiful chandelier, with nearly a hundred eerie, orb like lights floating above what appeared to be unlit candles attached to it. The sides of the circular room were laced with statues of various spirits: some ponies, some other animals.

None appeared to be of the princesses.

And suddenly, a strange, blue box appeared below the chandelier, then disappeared, then reappeared, over and over, as if it couldn't make up its mind whether it wished to exist or not, before it finally settled on the former. A second later, the doors to it swung open to reveal very frazzled looking Princess Luna.

"Well, that certainly was interesting," she grunted, drunkenly swaying out of it and shaking her head, as if she were discombobulated.

"Sorry, sorry," the Doctor chuckled, stepping out beside her along with Zecora and Nightmare Moon. "It's a bit more...  difficult to navigate in the spirit realm than your regular time and space. Can make for quite a bumpy ride."

"I dare say, I feel like my stomach isn't going to stay," Zecora moaned.

Nightmare Moon, however, seemed to think quite the opposite.

"Heh, well I thought it was kind of fun!" she grinned. "What the hell is that thing, anyway? I mean... how come it looks like something out of a Scifi novel or something? Well, on the inside at least."

"It might as well be," the Doctor smirked. "It stands for Time And Relative Dimensions In Space. It's a time machine as well as an instantaneous transport! And much more efficient and easy to use than time spells, I may add."

"Ooooo, reminds me of your counterpart's machine thing, though he calls it the TERRORDIS," Nightmare Moon smiled.

"Ah, yes... well... he is quite brilliant himself, I suppose," the Doctor stated somewhat reluctantly.

"Uhhh... Doctor, hate to burst your bubble," Luna sweat-dropped, glancing about. "But this doesn't look like the Trinity Vault... this looks like-" Her eyes widened. "Oh, please don't tell me-"

"Yes, we're in the Ministry of Spirithood!" the Doctor beamed, twirling about to get a good look at the place. "Isn't it magnificent?! Such grandeur, such... pompous arrogance etched in every single detail!!"

"Yeah... well this is nice and all," Luna coughed. "But I didn't really come here for a sight-seeing tour. We need to get to the Trinity Vault-"

"But we're at the Trinity Vault!" the Doctor chirped. "It's merely several hundred levels below us!"

"Great..." Luna groaned.

"Not be a nit-picker or anything, Doc, but why didn't we just TARDIS us directly down there?" Nightmare Moon asked.

"Because there seems to be some sort of interference," the Doctor stated, still glancing around. “Oooo, will you look at that statue!” He pointed to a particular one. “His head looks like a melon!”

"I do not understand; what sort of interference would stall our plan?" Zecora asked.

"Some sort of artifact, I'd say,” the Doctor explained, still glancing at the statue. “My oh my… did he believe his head looked attractive like that? You’d think spirits of some standard would be able to-”

“Doctor…” Luna groaned.

“Er yes,” the Doctor coughed. “It seems to impede teleportation. And whatever it is is powerful enough that I barely was able to get inside the upper levels, and that's with the TARDIS."

"Explains why they don't have any security measures," Luna nodded. "No need if they think they have this place sealed up tight."

"Not tight enough," the Doctor said smugly. "Come on then, let's get a move on. To the Trinity Vault, ALLON-ZY-"

Suddenly, however, the sound of footsteps could be heard echoing about the chamber, halting them in their treks.

"Oh shoot," Luna gulped. "So much for a lack of security."

Nightmare Moon, however, didn't seem so convinced.

"I dunno... my genre savvy senses are tingling," she whispered. "Something tells me this isn't security..."

And suddenly, a distinct, haughty voice made itself known from one of the many entrances.

"Heh, you're smarter than they say, Princess Nightmare Moon!” it echoed about. “There isn't any security! Sept lil' old me, of course."

Luna's eyes widened. There wasn't any possible way anyone else could get inside there that she could think of...

"W-What?!" she shouted, her group forming box formation around her. "Show yourself!"

Suddenly, appearing in one of the entrance-ways was a pair of glowing, blue eyes, and a massive, sharp-toothed grin.

"Heeeeey there!" the voice called again. "Well holy crap, if it isn't miss Princess 'Thousand Year Bon Voyage' Luna! And you didn't even send me a damned post card. Shame, really..."

"That voice... it sounds so familiar..." Princess Luna said, lifting an eyebrow.

"Good memory, Princess," it chirped, and stepping into the light came a pony-sized, white-coated wolf, her face painted with a strange series of lines. "Very good. Man, you guys are really impressing me! Well, except good ole Zecora there, but I'm sure she'll have a chance to... or maybe not. I dunno. Depends on how the evening goes!"

"General Winter," Luna said, her eyes narrowing. "What in the world- and for that matter, HOW in the world did you get in here?"

"That's my dirty little secret to keep," she winked. "But I'm not the only one with dirty little secrets, am I?" She gave a hearty laugh. "Oooohoho man that sounds so wrong when I say it out loud! Sorry about that."

"General who?" Nightmare Moon asked. "Seriously, who are you?" She then squinted a very confused eyebrow. "And why do I hate and like you at the same time?"

"General Winter," Luna repeated. "She's the self-appointed 'guardian' of the season spirits. A spirit of winter if I remember right."

Winter gave another cackle.

"What gave it away; was it the name?" she said, quirking her head. "Or my white coat?"

"You still haven't told us why you're here!" Luna growled.

"Pfffffft-," General Winter said, rolling her eyes. "Duh! What do you think? I'm here to stop your merry band of rogues from breaking into the Trinity Vault!"

"What!?” Princess Luna asked, her voice filled with shock. "How did you know that-“

“Hahaha, oh that’s funny,” Winter cackled, throwing her an incredulous expression. “You really think I’m going to tell you that?”

“Worth a shot,” Luna grunted. “But what the heck?! I’d have thought you’d want the season spirits replaced!”

General Winter narrowed her eyes. "Yeah, NATURALLY! I don't want friggin' mortals bumped up into their slots! That's just wrong! You know that the seasons would never be as stable that way!" she growled, her voice sounding aggressive for the first time. "But you've always had a metaphorical hard-on for mortals, haven't ya, Luna?"

The Night Princess narrowed her eyes. "Those who I plan to ascend are perfectly capable of carrying out the turning of the seasons!"

"And if I recall correctly," the Doctor said, holding up a hoof. "Weren't you-"

"No need to get into that!" she snapped, before finally composing herself slightly. "Eh, doesn't matter though. Your cute little ploy here is finished. The four of you are gonna be taking a nice, payed vacation to Azkadam!"

"Seriously?!" Luna said, her eyes widening.

"For serial!" Winter chirped, grinning. "Shouldn't be breaking into government buildings unless ya want to pay."

"You broke into here, too!" Zecora growled. "Though I suppose being a hypocrite suits you."

"Eh, I'm sure they'll forgive a bit of vigilantism!" General Winter smirked smugly. "Picture it, my friends. In The Spirit Times." She spread two paws across the air dramatically. "The heroic General Winter saves the friggin' day again!"

"Odd definition of the word 'heroic'," Zecora muttered. "You are far from that, and unlike a General, not very stoic!"

"Meh, whatever you say Zecora," Winter said. "Oh, and by the way. That spell you have protecting the Everfree Forest? Good bit of magic, totally awesome! But uh... worthy of about two centuries in Azkadam for interfering not only playing favorites with mortals, but for interfering in other spirits' affairs!"

"W-What?!" Zecora cried. "You dare smite me for that? It's not my fault the forest is located where it's at!"

"Hey, don't shoot the gal who reads the lawbooks: unlike you, I should say," the General growled. She then turned towards Luna. "But ya see, it isn't all bad, not all of Equestria is getting icicled! They can hide in there while things get all sorted out. Okay, Princess!?"

She could tell she wasn't trying to use her title out of respect.

"There is a better way than that-" she began, before the General cut her off with:

"But I'm afraid you won't be the one leading em' to the promised lands, though! It's time to say 'hi' to the Dementhors!"

"Ugh, should I say it?" Nightmare Moon said, glancing at her party.

"S-Say what?" Luna asked.

"Screw it, I'm totally saying it:" she grinned, turning back towards General Winter. "And who's going to take us? You and what army?!"

General Winter's smug smile couldn't get any wider at that.

"Ohohoho man! I'm so glad you asked! Allow me to introduce my new bitches!" she beamed, and suddenly, the group was surrounded. Coming from a number of entrances were a series of gas-masked clad soldiers.

"Righto! Present arms, boys!" General Winter roared, the soldiers immediately cocking and leveling rifles at them.

"Eh, well... I suppose she is a General," Nightmare Moon sweat-dropped, Luna throwing her a glare. "What are those, anyway, spirit rifles or something?"

"Yep!" General Winter chirped. "They'll kill ya dead... or at least half-way there, and kill mortals double-dead. Who says spirithood is immortality? Not mah guns! I ain't afraid of no ghost!"

"Oooo, stylish getup, though," the Doctor said in a mocking tone, rolling his eyes. "Love the gas masks. Expecting trench warfare? Ghostly mustard gas attacks?"

"This coming from the pony wearing the bow-tie," General Winter glared.

The Doctor gave her a stern, menacing look. "You take that back!"

"Pffft, and I bet you think they're cool, too! Well, they're not! Gas masks are, though!" General Winter smirked, glancing at her soldiers. "You guys think they're cool, right?"

The soldiers gave stern nods.

"There you have it," General Winter said smugly. "Oh, and Number 6, can you do the thing?"

"Do I have to..."

"Pleeeeeeease!"

"Fine." He then glanced at the Doctor. "Are you my mummy?"

The Doctor's eyes widened. "H-How did you-"

"Spoilers," Winter winked. "Helps with intimidation a bit, too," she continued. "Nightmare Moon would know a thing or two about that. In fact, she'd probably know a thing or two about who's behind their masks! They are without leadership thanks to her!"

The group turned to Nightmare Moon, who looked as confused as ever. It could have been she was just faking it, however. "Beats me. I don’t know what she’s talking about,” she shrugged.

"Ohohoho, you dirty liar," Winter chuckled, waving a paw in a 'oh no she didn't' manner. "Naughty naughty."

"Ewwww," Nightmare Moon gagged. "Don't hit on me. I feel like I need to take a blood shower now..."

"General Winter!" Luna snapped, taking a menacing step towards her. She merely put on a smile as if to say, 'awwww look, she's trying to be uppidity.'

Luna wanted to gag her at that point, though she held her temper. "General Winter," she repeated in a softer tone. "I don't know how far your head is up your flank, but have you taken a look at what your season's been doing? The mortal world is freezing to death! There are ponies and wolves dying at this very moment! Without new spirits to turn the seasons, the mortal world is doomed!"

"Yuh-huh, sure," General Winter said in a bored tone, before actually yawning. "That's until new spirits manifest, ya silly goose-"

"THEY WON'T MANIFEST FOR YEARS!" Luna roared. "Quit acting so damned pompous, like you know how everything is going to turn out!"

"Pfffft, I know what's going to happen; so a bunch of mortals will kick it for the sake of the natural order," General Winter said, waving an apathetic paw about. "Big whoopdy-friggin'-boohoo-doo! We're the only thing that matters! They're ants compared to us! How many ant hills have you smashed without even knowing that you've smashed em' for crying out loud? Would you even care if you did?!"

"I-I can't believe you!" Princess Luna gasped. "I thought you were just stupid, but it turns out you're both stupid and callous! And your analogy is terrible: you can't interact with ants! They don't have the neurons for that!"

"Er..." Zecora said, holding up a hoof. "I believe I can state you aren't correct, but perhaps arguing now would not be best."

"And I try to avoid smashing ant hills," Nightmare Moon whimpered. "I thought everywisp else did so too when in mortal form! The poor things..." The group shot her a weird look at that. "What? So I'm somewhat emotional! Big deal!" She then glared back at General Winter. "And I take it back what I said about hating and liking you: it's just the former!"

"Ooooh, so the leader of a pointless holiday hates me?" Winter taunted. "Man... dunno how I'm going to live with myself!"

Nightmare Moon opened her mouth to retort, but apparently found nothing. Her ears began to sag downward, sorrowfully.

The Doctor, seeing this, patted her on the back. "There, there. You aren't anything like the 'real' you, you know that? And Nightmare Night was bloody awesome this year! I got to help take down a giant tar monster!" he added, which seemed to perk her mood somewhat. He then glared back at General Winter. "So, what happens now? Are you going to take us into custody?"

"Dat's the plan!" she grinned. "Now, if you all will just sit tight while we feed you some good ole fashioned higher plane knockout potion."

They suddenly inched closer to them, the group drawing closer together.

"Oh my, then we do have a bit of an issue here," the Doctor smiled. "You see, me and captivity don't go very well. In fact, if there's one spirit you never ever want to try to do that with, it’s me."

"Oh, please," General Winter said, rolling her eyes. "I've heard of you, Doctor, and I've heard of the little speeches you like to give to the supposed 'villains.' Please don't try to 'I AM THE DOCTOR' me unless you really do have a trick up your sleeve."

"Yet you don't know," the Doctor winked. "And I bet it's driving you mad, isn't it?"

Winter paused for a second in mock-thought, before shaking her head.

"Nope. Not really."

The Doctor lifted an eyebrow. "Huh, they usually have a heart attack at this point.”

The soldiers continued to close in, white clouds of vapor echoing forth from their gas-masks, the sound of their muffled 'breathing', or whatever it was, echoing through the chamber.

"Er yeah, if you do have a plan... now's the time to do it, Doc," Nightmare Moon gulped.

The Doctor gave a chuckle. "Relax, Nightmare. If it helps, you can pretend I have a plan like I'm doing!"

"Not helping!" she cried, before squinting in thought, however. "But what am I get worried for, for the night's sake?! I'm an alicorn! And so are you, Luna!"

"I'm not sure how effective our magic will be against those rifles, though," Luna stated.

"Well, it's either we try fighting and die now, or we go to Azkadam and wish we were dead!"

The two then turned towards each other, gazing into each other's eyes. And at that moment, it was as if they had linked minds.

"Er yeah... fighting it is," Luna nodded in agreement.

"Preferably without the dying part, if you please," the Doctor said, lifting a hoof. "Regenerating can be a bit painful, you know."

"Shields up then, baby!" Nightmare Moon grinned, and suddenly, a bubble-shield popped up around them, courtesy of her glowing horn. She then grinned towards Luna. "And weapons online?"

Luna gave a smirk, her horn glowing a piercing blue. "And here's something I never thought would happen in my life..."

SHIIIINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!.!.!

With a brilliant noise that sounded somewhat like a vibrating table-glass, a torrent of light cascaded from her horn, sending one of the soldiers sailing into the far wall, him letting out a distinct, high-pitched wail.

"Oh isn't that special?" Winter cooed. "They've got a little shield thingy! God I've always hated unicorn magic. Make it go away, mmmm'kay?"

"Roger that," a soldier grunted, and the twenty or so of them brought their weapons to bear.

RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT!.!.!.!

A series of shots rang forth from them, giving the room an eerie glow. What seemed to be explosive bullets that detonated in flashes of brilliant, blue light then began cascaded off the shield. It collapsed almost immediately.

"HOLD FIRE!" Winter yelled. "I want them alive if possible. Corpses make bad publicity, especially if they're princess corpses."

Nightmare Moon gulped, glancing about nervously. "Alright, time for plan B!"

"Indeed it is, my ghoulish friend. It's time for this to come to an end," Zecora whispered, pulling out a sack of what seemed to be a sort of powdery substance. She placed a bit of it on her hoof, drew it near her mouth,

"Serasiem deltaria," she whispered.

-And then blew. Immediately, it began to scatter throughout the room.

"Ooooo, voodoo magic?" Nightmare Moon grinned. "Are they all going to like... turn into pineapples after a second?"

Zecora shook her head with a smile, as if to say, 'wait for it.'

"Dancing pineapples?" Nightmare Moon suggested.

Zecora shook her head again, holding up a hoof.

The group drew quiet...

The soldiers drew closer... step by step... their red eyes piercing into their targets... their breathing echoing through the room... and their rifles' metal parts glistening off the light from above.

The Doctor narrowed his eyes...

Zecora smirked widely...

And suddenly, out of nowhere, a forest appeared in the room. Every grain of dust that had fallen on the floor was suddenly a tree, it digging its roots into the marble through some impossible, magical means, and kicking up solid stone every which way.

"RAAAAAAAUGGHHHH!.!.!"

A few of the soldiers were sent flying into the ceiling by the now towering trees, or were caught in their lofty branches.

"Oh you've got to be- seriously?!" they heard the General cry through the now dense brush. "Oh son of a bitch! Alright, no more Ms. Nice General, shoot them in the legs; do whatever you have to bring them in! I don't care anymore!"

"H-Holy - bloody-" the Doctor stammered, turning towards Zecora with a very impressed look upon him. "That was brilliant!"

"Thank you, but it will not hold them back for long," Zecora said, nodding Luna's way. "We will attempt to keep them at bay, but for you I must say 'be gone'!"

"Uh-uh! I'm not leaving you three here to be sent to Azkadam for my sake!" Luna said, stamping a hoof. "You're coming with me! I doubt General Winter will try to arrest us in Canterlot!"

"We'll be fine," the Doctor winked. "I've been in rougher spots before. We'll pick off a few, keep them off your back, and then get to the TARDIS as long as a tree isn't growing in it at the moment..."

"I shut the door," Nightmare Moon nodded

"Alright, that’s good,” the Doctor smiled. "We should be alright!" He then turned back towards Princess Luna, giving her a stern glance. "Now, enough dilly-dallying! Get moving!"

"H-How do I even get out of here, though?" Luna asked.

"Hmmmm...." he said, and Luna could practically see the neurons firing in his impressive brain. "Right!" he said, holding up a triumphant hoof. "I think I've got a thing!"

"A thing?"

"Yes! A thing! The artifact... it makes it harder to get in than out! I know because I've broken in here once before. We couldn't teleport out right now, obviously, but since I believe the artifact is located in the lower levels, if you can get to the upper ones above this, you should be able to-"

"Gotcha, Doctor," Luna nodded, breathing heavily now. "I'll see you on the other side, okay? All of you."

Nightmare Moon held up a hoof "What about-"

"Yes, you can come too," Luna sighed, though somewhat reluctantly. She was still getting used to being around her 'evil' twin.

She heard the sound of hoofsteps nearby... the soldiers were getting closer...

"Time to go!" Nightmare Moon said to her, smiling. "Team Ascension forever!"

"Good luck to you, my friend, I assure you that this is not our end," Zecora smiled.

Luna took a deep breath. "I know it won't be."

With that, Luna gave her one last thankful smile before taking off in a gallop towards one of the many entrance-ways to the commons. She heard the sound of a scuffle, a gunshot, Nightmare Moon crying 'welcome to the jungle, baby!', and then it all became a muffled mess when she made it into one of the branching hallways.

She dared not look back.