I'm laying with my eyes closed tight, scared and unsure of what is happening. I can hear voices around me, happy voices I think. I'm not quite sure. They’re saying something, something that doesn’t make sense to me.
“You have such a bright future ahead of you in this world!” one would say, and another would go on about how “you are so cute!”
I don’t think anyone is talking to me, but I don’t fully understand what is being said anyways.
I’m trying to open my eyes, but don’t they seem to be working right. Am I doing something wrong? Or is this how the world , whatever that is, is supposed to look?
Wait! I see something now. An intense light, but it’s blurry. I can’t make out what I am seeing. Something blue, but it’s slowly becoming more clear. Blue with gray behind it. Its my hoof! What…what can I do with it? It moves! And I can see more now.
I can see things around me. They are…square things…and they are making a lot of noise. There are many of the square things in here. Lined up in neat rows.
I can see much more now! It’s so exciting! Yet, scary. Where am I? Who am I? What am I?
“She is the most adorable pony in the whole nursery!”
A nursery? What is that? Is that where I am? What am I doing here? And what are those?! Oh! They are my feet! Do they move too…they do! This is so much fun! But…I can tell no one is talking to me. I can see ponies, I think that is what I heard, all over the nursery.
“Mommy? Is that my little brother?” I see a smaller brown pony asking.
Mommy? What is mommy? Do I have mommy? Or a mommy?
“Yes, precious. That is your new, little brother,” a yellow pony with long hair replied.
Her voice, it’s so soft and reassuring. It’s so calming! And she is pretty. She is a pretty mommy.
Do all ponies have a mommy? I really want to know!
But how are they doing that? How are they…standing on their legs? Can I do that. My legs and arms move, so I think I can I do that.
This is hard to do! I don’t seem to be very strong. I got it! I'm standing! Hooray! And that pony is moving around…hmm. Let’s see if we can do that.
Ouch! That hurt. I hit my face on the floor and my nose hurts now. I want to cry…is that normal? Why do I want to cry? Will mommy come if I cry?
I’ll try again first. I want to impress her when I see her! Put one hoof in…front of…the other. Got it! Wow! I'm…I’m walking! This is great! Mom! Mom! Look-what is this? It’s following me! Ahh! Ill try to run from it!
“Casidy! Stop messing with your cousin’s tail!”
Tail? Is that…it is! It’s my tail! It’s mine and it’s fluffy! It’s so soft! It’s purple and white! So pretty! Pretty and fluffy! Pretty fluffy! That’s funny!
I feel good now. This laughing is making me feel great! I see other ponies doing it too! It must be a good thing! I’ll keep doing it while I walk.
I really want to know what is in these squares in these nice neat lines! Learning is fun too! I want to learn more!
What is that little boy doing? He is jumping I think…can I do that? I can walk and stuff, maybe I can jump too! Let’s try. Ok…bend my knees and push. Hmm…I only fell backwards. Maybe I did it wrong. Let’s see…push with my front…got it! Now try it with my legs…got it! I'm such a quick learner! Mommy will be so proud! Nopony is looking at me…maybe ponies aren’t supposed to look at me.
“I already know what his cutie mark is going to be. It will look just like his father’s.”
Cutie mark? Father’s? What are those? Is there a fathers here? And a cutie mark? I want a fathers cutie mark too! I bet mommy will like it…whatever it is.
I bet I can jump up on these boxes and see what is in these squares! Maybe I’ll see a fathers too!
Whew! That is tiring! I hope I don’t feel like this for long. I have more learning to do!
Wow! There are ponies in every square, little ponies like me! There are so many colors here too. Every color of the rainbow. And that one over there IS every color of the rainbow. She is so precious! That’s a neat feeling! I guess you say precious when something looks good and makes you feel good. I hope mommy thinks I’m precious!
There are so many. Some are asleep. Maybe I was asleep! And that’s why I couldn’t see. But…I wasn’t asleep in one of those squares with a pony inside. Now I feel a little sad. Why wasn’t I in one of those squares? Was I not good enough? Is something wrong with me? I feel panicky and sick. I don’t like this feeling. I want to get down!
Ouch! I hit my face! I want to cry again…it really hurts and I’m hurting inside too…
Mommy! Mommy! I want my mommy! I can feel tears running down my face. I can feel sadness. But no one is looking at me.
Mommy! Maybe if I run people will look at me. Mommy! Where is mommy?!
I’ll go through that door. Maybe I’ll find a mommy!
I made it! Mommy!
“Shh…calm yourself little one.”
Is she talking to me? There is a large pony next to me. She is very pretty with a white body and fluffy pink and green hair. Fluffy! I feel better now. But is she talking to me? She is looking right at me but no one else is looking at her.
Mommy?
She nodded!
“I am your mommy, sweetheart. And I am so proud of you.”
She’s reaching for me! I feel like I should back away and I don’t know why but I don’t want to. She is touching me now. She is wiping away my tears. She must think I’m precious! She is wrapping me in her arms! A hug! It feels amazing! Mommy hug!
What am I doing here? Have I done something wrong?
Her smile is gone, that makes me feel sad again. She is shaking her head. I can see water on her face too. I’ll try to wipe it away for her like she did me. She is smiling again!
“No sweetheart, you did nothing wrong. It’s not your fault.”
My fault? What isn’t my fault?
“Follow me. I’ll show you.”
I'm afraid of what is happening. She isn’t smiling anymore and I can’t reach the tears anymore either. I guess I’ll follow her, maybe she knows where a fathers cutie mark is! I feel happy again!
“Look inside here, sweetheart.”
She is speaking softly, I can hardly hear her. But I can see a man crying.
Fathers?
She nodded, but didn’t say anything. I wish she would.
“He is your father and my husband.”
Why is he crying?
I can see tears flowing down her face again. Maybe if I hug her she will feel better.
She is holding me tightly. I can feel her warmth. It feels so wonderful!
“He is crying because he has just lost his whole world.”
I can see him leaning against something, something on a bed. He is crying into it.
That’s you!
She is nodding again.
What has happened? I don’t understand mommy…
“There were complications. And…”
Please tell me.
“…And our time was called.”
Our time? Our time for what? Oh. Are we going somewhere?
“Yes, little one.”
I see a bright light now, way off behind mommy. It’s like the one I saw when I first could see! But it’s much brighter now.
“Are you ready?”
I nodded, letting her know I was. Maybe I’ll get to learn more where we are going. She is walking away from me.
Wait for me!
She is waiting for me! I’ll walk beside her. I like being near her. She is so warm. I’ll lean my head on her to let her know I love her. She is smiling down at me as we are walking together towards that bright light.
I missed you, Mommy…
Author's Note
I'm not the best at first person so comments and critiques are welcome, as will always be.