Ask that pony with the glasses

by Everyday We Shufflin

Rating: mature
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Comedy, Random, Crossover, Sex
Length: 2355

You ask stupid pony questions and I answer them.

Have you ever seen Ask That Guy With The Glasses and wondered. What would it be in pony form? Well I have the answer. Greetings and welcome to Ask That Pony With The Glasses.

Published 2013-02-23 20:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-26 03:10:56 UTC

Episode 1

We start off looking at a white high class unicorn, with a purple robe, with a red ascot under it, including a pipe, and a pair of glasses over his eyes, with a question mark for a cutie mark, reading a book entitled "how to read" in front of a book case.

"Ah!" He exclaims closing the book " Hello. Didn't hear you come in. Greetings and welcome to Ask That Pony With The Glasses"

What do you think of the changelings and would you date one?

"That's a very good question. And the answer is yes. Yes I would date them. I can date anyone. I have even dated my pipe, These robes, The narrator, all in good fun. You freaking idiot. Next question."

I have a OC who wears glasses how do I stop myself from confusing him with you?

"Have you thought about giving your OC a name? Think about that. Give him a name like uh, Jerry! Once you have named your OC Jerry, ask him, Jerry are you "That Pony With The Glasses?" And he'll say "No I'm Jerry, remember?" And thus the confusion would be over. What a terrible question."

Who would win in a fight? Unicorn Twilight or Alicorn Twilight?

"I would imagine Alicorn Twilight. Unicorn Twilight has seen plenty of creepy creatures. But she has never seen an Alicorn, Twilight that it. I imagine she would be just as confused as the rest of us. And in the confusion, Alicorn Twilight would kick unicorn Twilight in the testicals. Because Twilight plays dirty. And then Alicorn Twilight would use her satanic powers to roast Unicorn Twilight. Because I don't know if many people know this but Alicorns are of the devil. Think about it. Could this be a creation of any pony loving God? I think not. They are all Satin's minions, and they will not stop till we are all turned inside out, dead. Isn't that charming? Yes.

Why do we Gak on kag and kag on Gak?

"Because you touch yourself at night."

If you could make you own full length MLP FIM episode with the budget of the show and all the resources need to make it what would it be about?

"I imagine it would mostly be about pornography. I do love Pornography. And there will be ponies, doing things. Things that you would normally associate with Pornography. And then I would pit in a story about a Twilight trying to reconcile with her father. The father passes away before she can ask for foreignness, and thus she has to find forgiveness in herself. And the some more pornography."

Who would you rather be president, King Sombra from Crystal Empire, Discord, or Queen Chrysalis?

"That's a very good question. I would imagine King Sombra from CE is the most intimidating of the bunch. Because if anybody has a problem with any of his policies he kills them. Which is all politicians want to do anyway. I wouldn't vote for Queen Chrysalis because anypony who mothers an entire race is disgusting. And I wouldn't vote for Discord because he is an anti Semite. Not to many people know that. He thought the invasion of Poland and the creation of the 3rd right was just an appetizer. An appetizer of death! yes."

Who would win in a fight between a Manticor and a thousand Changelings?

"In that type of battle I believe everypony wins."

I lost my remote control(to watch ponies with), do you know where it is?

" Certainly. It's right here," He holds up a remote "But it's mine now."

How do you think Celestia rules Equestria?

"She feeds on the blood of non Christians."

If they made MLP FIM character condoms which ones would you buy?

"Thats a very good question, too be honest there's such a wide variety to choose from. Spike the dragon, Twilight, Celestia, Pinkamena Diane Pie, Luna And Nightmare Moon, Dipcord, And of course Ross Pit Shark Hunter. I feel raped."

Are there any ponies that are dead that you think are really alive?

"Yes."

If an Alicorn is flying at the speed of light and she turns on her light spell what will happen?

"Total ejaculation! She would cream herself. And it will go everywhere. There will be no cleaning service to clean it up, and we would have ruined the only Alicorn in the world that goes at the speed of light. You A-hole. Yes"

Which color is Spikes green scales?

That pony with the glasses thinks about this for a while. Trotting back and forth until he finally comes up with the answer " Cabbage."

If aliens take over Fluttershys pets, what should I do to stay alive?

"Well that depends on what the aliens can actually do. If they, lets say fly or shoot lasers from their eyes normal procedures would be to shit yourself with fear. But however if they can do minor things like, speak spanish. I don't think you have anything to worry about. Thank you for your question you most likely retarded individual. How does this even involve ponies again?"

In your opinion what would be the plot of an episode with absolutely no cliches?

"I have to imagine 22 minutes of blowing up Spike. Think about it. Have you ever seen Spike blow up in an episode before? I think not! Once we blow up Spike we grab him again and blow him up, find another Spike, blow him up, the list goes on. no characters so story development, just blowing up Spike. Wah wah, kaboom. Isn't that precious."

I have a problem my cat "Opalescence" keeps ruining all my furniture around my house. How can I make the bastard pay?

"Well there are several different methods in this. You can spray her with water. You can rub her face in it saying "No No" Or my personal favorite, Crusifiction. Or in this case Opalfiction. Nail her to a cross, keep her stuck up there for days and then say: bad kitty no ruining my furniture. By that point she'd be dead but at least she would have learned her lesson. And she'll take it with her to her kitty grave." He bites down on the pipe with an ocward smile.

I was wondering if you ever consider being "That Pony With The Contact Lenses" or That Pony With The Laser Corrective Surgery."

"You mean just like how your that pony with the retarded question? I don't think so." He gives you the middle finger.

"This is That Pony With The Glasses saying: theres so such thing as a stupid pony question until you ask it." He winks and then puts his pipe back in his mouth and looks back into his book.

THE END
By That Pony With The Glasses

Ask your stupid pony questions today!

Episode 2

We start off looking at Ask That Pony With The Glasses.

"Ah!" He exclaims closing his how to read book "Hi. Didn't hear you come in. Greetings and welcome to Ask that pony with the glasses."

I have a parasprite infestation. What is the best way to get rid of them?

"That's a very good question. Tell them that your neighbor has much better things to destroy. Including your neighbor. Once they have destroyed all of his things tell them to go to you'r other neighbors house. And then another one, and another one, and another one. And then when there's no more neighbors around then they will eat you like a pig."

How do I kill Caesar?

"I'm sorry I don't know if you know this but this is ask that pony with the glasses. I don't know if that has anything to do with My Little Pony. But if it does involve My Little Pony. You can't. He is better than you. He is a god. And if it's a she. Why would you even wan't to kill her? With a stupid question like that. You might wanna hit that. yes"

How do you tell if your fillyfriend's a changeling, or actually okay with getting into a threesome?

"Psh! Hell if I know."

Can Twilight evolve into Rapidash?

"Probably. But since I don't like Pokemon I'm going to say. Of course not you, FUCKING IDIOT!"

Are Twilight's wings connected using glue or duct tape?

"Well."

"Neither."

Has anypony really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

"...... Do you even go to this school?"

Do you think the elements of harmony are a alicorn making device?

"No they were made by an Utrom. Anypony who gets that reference gets a free cookie."

Every time I enter Canterlot, Celestia keeps molesting me. How do I tell her I'm not interested?

"It's OK i'll Molest you now."

Will the tears of baby seals make my feathers feel buttery smooth and soft?

"Actually no. But do you know what will make your wings buttery smooth soft?" He licks his lips.

What condiments go best on a daisy sandwich?

"The blood of virgins."

Is it true that Luna runs orgies during the night?

"Sure whatever."

What drugs is Pinkie Pie on?

"Actually she is on a very well known drug called Apple Cider. You see the Apple family drug the Apple Cider. But it only works when you have more then twenty or so cups."

Do you believe Twilight secretly lusts for her brother?

"No but I heard Shining armor secretly lusts for his sister. I wonder what poor sap that is."

What would you do if Bennett the Sage entered Equestria?

"I will laugh when they bring him to the moon cannon. Damn Tim Burton hating son of a bitch."

Is Doctor Whooves a real doctor?

"No unless you count being a psychiatrist a real doctor. I mean when I think of doctors I think of the ones that cut you open and take out your innerds. What does a psychiatrist do? Take out your psyche any put in love? Bullshit. Now Nurse redheart there's a doctor I can trust. She raped me."

"This is that pony with the glasses saying. Therese no such thing as a stupid question until you ask it." With a wink he puts his pipe in his mouth and continues reading.

THE END
By That Pony With The Glasses

Ask your stupid pony questions today!

Author's Note

Image is here: http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2013/035/c/6/mlp___the_alicorn_by_nyausi-d5tu1ia.png

Episode 3

We start off looking at That Pony With The Glasses reading his trademark book.

"Ah!" He exclaims closing his how to read book "Hey, didn't hear you come in. Greetings and welcome to Ask That Pony With The Glasses."

What is Princess Twilight really a princess of friendship or magic?

"That's a very good question. And the answer is, she is the princess of the ponyville library."

Why do stallions keep telling me to "shake that plot"? What does it mean?

"Well you see. They mean shake that plot the hell outta here. You are a horrible dancer."

Are unicorns the master race?

"No. But I will be the master of the unicorns some day. They will bow down to me. As I am their master. And they will obey all of my commands. And when they are bad. I would torture them. When they are good. I will torture them. Isn't live just precious?"

I don't know what decorations to buy for Hearth's Warming Eve. My family keeps pestering me. Please help!

"Have you ever thought about not getting your family anything? That's what I do and I come out just fine! But if you do wan't to get your family some decorations spread the blood and guts along with the body of the youngest on the wall and scream happy Hearths Warming Eve I killed the youngest! That will be a Hearth Warming they shall never soon forget. They will call it the Hearths Warming Eve that the youngest died."

Are zebras really ponies?

"Yes they are."

How "big" is Big Macintosh

"Bigger than the "BIG" sea."

How Big is the big sea?

That Pony With The Glasses holds his head up like it hurts "GET OUT OF MY MIND!!!"

An hero?

"My hero"

What is the Pegasus Device?

"Well. Why don't you look a bit closer while I show you how it works."

My foals are deadbeats. Should I send them to the salt mines?

"No. SEND THEM TO ME!" Then that last part echoes.

Care for tea and crumpets?

"Why yes, thank you very much."

Slendermane is outside my window. What do I do?

"Have you tried asking him to go away? Who knows maybe he will say yes. And if he does, then I can continue stalking you from outside your window."

Everyday I wake up, take a shower, eat breakfast, and go to work at the Ponyville weather center. So this one day I'm working and out of nowhere this piano just comes falling out of the sky. It barely misses me and ends up crushing some poor unicorn, and I have to ask...
how do I make a daisy sandwich?

"Get some bread, Some daisy's, and the blood of virgin ponies. Didn't think that joke would come back did ya? Hahahahaha!"

Celestian Empire or New Lunar Republic?

"Personally I think That Pony With The Glasses Mafia is the best way to go"

Where did the pic come from?

"Well if you're talking about the one from the last episode I got it from here: Image and if you're talking about the picture on this story I got it from Ask That Guy With The Glasses. I just took the image and put a horn on top."

Do humans exist or is Lyra an idiot?

"How did you type that with hooves? Think about it."

"This is that pony with the glasses saying. Therese no such thing as a stupid question until you ask it." With a wink he puts his pipe in his mouth and continues reading.

THE END
By That Pony With The Glasses
Ask your stupid pony questions today!