Celestia the Tyrant

by Afro Pony

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 1872

When Twilight is ponynapped by a weird conspiracy theorist, she learns a little to much about her mentor.

When Twilight is ponynapped by a weird conspiracy theorist, she learns a little to much about her mentor.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-19 03:30:01 UTC

Celestia the Tyrant

 Twilight was scared. No...she was terrified. And this was a pony who had helped save the world multiple times. Somepony who had battled the Spirit of Chaos and the Changeling Queen, and WON. Alas, as she was tied to a chair in a dark room she didn’t recognize, fear gripped the unicorn.

“Hello? Is there anypony there?” she asked. The answering silence only added to her nervousness. Twilight tried to struggle loose, but it was no use.

“Look, if you can hear me, just let me go!” she cried. Silence again answered.

This couldn’t be happening! Ponynapping was rare in Equestria, and even so, why her? Who did this? Why? How? Twilight tried to think back, her memory was foggy and unclear. How long had she been out? And how the hay did somepony manage to take her without nopony noticing!?

These thoughts were interrupted by the sound of hoof steps approaching.

Twilight held her breath, as if that would hide her. A door opened behind her opened, temporary lighting the room. The hoofsteps continued until they were a few feet behind her.

“Well well, look who’s finally woken up.” said a colt’s voice. The room was suddenly brightly lit, the sudden light blinded Twilight.

“Please don’t hurt me!” yelled Twilight, closing her eyes.

“Hurt you? Why would I hurt you?” answered the colt.

Twilight opened her eyes, viewing her ponynapper for the first time. He was a light blue unicorn, sporting a long brown mane and short goatee. His cutie mark was a weird symbol, that Twilight didn’t recognize. He wasn’t what Twilight was expecting.

“W-Well then what do you want?” she asked nervously.

The colt pulled a chair from suddenly nowhere to sit down. He sighed, “I need your help to expose Celestia to be the tyrant she is!”

“WHAT!???!?” yelled Twilight, making the stallion jump from her sudden outburst.

“AH! Hey, calm down. I know that it sou-”

“YOU’RE INSANE! CELESTIA ISN’T A TYRANT! LET ME GO YOU INSANE PERSON!” interrupted Twilight.

The stallion sighed again, “Please just calm down, I’ll explain everything.” he promised. His reasoning fell on deaf ears.

“There is nothing to explain!” yelled Twilight. Her cheeks were red from anger. “Who are you anyway?”

The stallion gave a surprised look, “Oh! Sorry, I forgot to tell you who I was!” he cleared his throat. “My name is Lunebug, Equestrian freedom fighter!”. He pumped a hoof in the air.

Twilight gulped. Great, she HAD to be ponynapped by a conspiracy weirdo. This had gone on for long enough, maybe if she could teleport away than...

“Oh, by the way. That rope that I tied you up with, suppresses magic. Really quality stuff! My cousin got it from a-”

“PLEASE LET ME GO!” interrupted Twilight again.

Lunebug gave her a funny look, “But you didn’t even let me present you a case.” he argued. “At least give me that.”

For the first time, Twilight calmed down. This was her way out! She would let him go on his rant about Celestia.  And when he let his guard down and untied her, WHAM magic blast!

“Oh...okay. Just make it fast.” she said, trying to put on her best poker face. Lunebug’s face softened up.

“Great! You changed your mind REALLY quickly!” he said happily.

Twilight rolled her eyes, the guy reminded her of Pinkie Pie.

“SO...how exactly is Celestia a tyrant?” she asked sarcastically.

Lunebug’s face suddenly turned serious, “I’ll tell you, but you don’t want to know.” he said sternly.

Twilight tried not to show her anger, she DIDN’T want to know. But for the sake of her freedom, she nodded for him to continue.

Lunebug took a deep breath.  He muttered something to himself before looking her right in the eyes.

“Twilight, have you ever voted?” he asked.

Twilight’s eyes widened, it was an unexpected question. “I...can’t say that I have. But, Equestria IS a monarchy.”

Lunebug chuckled, “Absolute Monarchy to be specific.”

Twilight frowned, “That’s not fair, citizens of Equestria have a voice in the government!” she argued.

Lunebug chuckled even louder, “Like what?” he asked.

Twilight thought for a moment. “Well, Equestrians can suggest laws.”

“Laws that only the princess can approve.” replied Lunebug. “Actually, does Equestria even have a law voting process?”

Twilight reluctantly shook her head no. “Exactly.” said Lunebug.

“Well, that’s still not a reason to plot against her reign.” said Twilight.

“Still not enough? Here, take a look at this.” He levitated some papers in front of her face.

“What are these?” asked Twilight.

“They’re the Equestrian tax records from last year.” he answered.

“Wait, those aren’t available to the public! Where did you get them?”

Lunebug looked around nervously, he chuckled nervously. “Well...I technically might have stolen them from the Canterlot Archives.” he said.

Twilight turned pale, “But that’s highly illegal, the last pony who was caught was banished to the Everfree Forest!” she said.

Lunebug shrugged his shoulders, “Which is why I won’t get caught.”

Twilight gulped, she was in the room with a ponynapper AND a thief. This whole situation was just getting worse.

“Nevermind me.” said Lunebug. “Do you notice anything weird about them. Twilight observed the documents again.

“No, nothing weird.” she said.

Lunebug sighed again, “Well according to those documents, two years ago 10 million bits were collected for taxes.

“And...?” asked Twilight unimpressed.

“...and, only 3 million bits were used in expenses.” continued Lunebug.

“Your point?” asked Twilight.

Lunebug face hoofed, “That means that more than half the taxpayer money goes straight to the government. BUT, since Celestia is the only real government authority, it goes to her!”

Twilight, didn’t say anything. That was a lot of money going straight to her...

“W-Well, she’s royalty! Maybe she deserves it..” she protested.

Lunebug gave her a ‘really?’ look. “It’s funny you say that. Tell me, are you familiar with the ‘’?” he asked.

A big goofy grin went spread across Lunebug’s face, “I knew you were the right mare for this! You really know your stuff!” he said.

It it wasn’t for the weird circumstances, Twilight would had blushed. “Uhh...yeah, about that. HOW exactly did you get me here?” she asked.

Lunebug’s smile faded, and was replaced with a sheepish look. “Well...you kinda came with me...” he said.

Twilight’s eyebrow raised, “What do you mean?” she asked.

Lunebug started to blush, “I...might have been‘observing’ you for the pastweek or so and-”

“You were stalking me!?” she yelled, interrupting.

“Well, that’s not the term I would've used...but yes..” he admitted.

Twilight tried to face hoof, but she was still tied up.

“Anyway, do you remember what you were doing last night?” continued Lunebug.

Twilight thought for a moment, “Yes, it was Pinkie’s first annual Cider Bash. She wanted Ponyville to celebrate Sweet Apple Acres’s win over the Flim Flam Brothers before Cider Season started. But, why does that matter?”

Lunebug’s face grew redder, “Yeah, so I went to go talk to you about my plans, but...”

“But what?” asked Twilight. What was he hiding?

“You were kinda extremely drunk.” he said. Trying not to meet the lavender mare’s gaze.

Twilight’s jaw dropped, she never was known to hold her cider. “I see...” she said looking down.

“So when I went to go talk to you...stuff happened.” said Lunebug.

It was Twilight’s turn to blush. “Stuff?” she asked.

“Yeah...you kept flirting with me...”

“.....”

“.....”

“.....”

“...and...uh...the only way for you to come with me, was to say I-er...we were gonna...you know...”

Silence had never been so awkward.

“I see..” said Twilight after a very long pause. “So, back to the whole ‘Celestia is a Tyrant’ thing?”

Lunebug sighed in relief, “Ah yes, the Universal Ruler Payment Act. I believe Celestia is using the law to her advantage.”

Twilight’s gave him a puzzled look, “But, the law prevents Celestia from unfair taxes!” argued the unicorn.

Lunebug shook his head, “It prevents the highest level ruler. Last time I checked, Celestia was a Princess, not a Queen.”

Twilight felt her heart skip a beat. This was looking good for her side of the argument. Technically he was right, but Celestia would never do steal from her people! Right?

“That maybe true, but we don’t know where Celestia’s parents are! Who’s to say their not still alive!?” Twilight felt herself becoming flustered.

“You’re absolutely right!” agreed Lunebug. Twilight still looked confused.

“When I was er-investigating in the archives, I stumbled across an Alicorn spell book! It must have been old, figuring there aren’t that many Alicorns still around.” he said.

“I know, many Alicorn died during Discord’s Reign of Terror.” agreed Twilight.

“Well what if I told you, Queen Surya and King Marion were gone before Discord took power?” asked Lunebug. His eyes wide for dramatic effect.

“What do you mean?” asked Twilight. Despite the fact that this guy was kind of (and by ‘kind of’ I mean extremely) weird, he had evidence to support his claim. She had actually been intrigued by the whole thing.

“Well in the Alicorn spell book, I found an ancient attack! Apparently kings or queens of warring nations would trap the power of their enemies inside gems!” he said.

“Wait, are you saying that Princess Celestia entrapped the power of her parents inside the Elements of Harmony?!” she yelled.

Lunebug smiled, “Wow! How did you know?!” he yelled.

Twilight took a deep breath. “Even if she did do all of this, why? She was already the next heir?”

Lunebug put a hoof to his chin in thought, “You know, you ac-AHHH!”

“I’VE FOUND HIM, TAKE HIM OUT!” yelled a random voice.

Suddenly, a Royal Guard ran into the room, tackling Lunebug.

“Hey! What’s going on!?” he yelled, trying to fight back. Two more guards rushed the room and helped to restrain the unicorn.

“Twilight!” yelled a familiar voice. Twilight turned around, her purple fur turned white. Celestia, the Alicorn in question, was standing in the doorway.

But...there was something wrong. Twilight had seen Celestia angry before, but...this was different. Celestia seemed to radiate rage, pure anger.

“Princess Celestia!?” yelled Twilight, shocked by the sudden appearance.

By now, a restrained Lunebug was being levitated towards Celestia. A guard cut Twilight’s rope, finally allowing her freedom. She headed towards Celestia, just hearing the last of what she was saying to Lunebug.

“You’ll not be a threat to me ever again.” said the goddess angrily. Lunebug said nothing, but stared into the Princess’s eyes. He was finally carried out of the room. Twilight galloped towards Celestia, wrapping her in a hug.

“How did you know I was here?” asked Twilight. Celestia was silent for a moment before clearing her throat.

“We’ve been looking for Lunebug for a while now. He was already wanted for stealing classified documents, but we never knew where he was exactly. When we heard he had took you from your home, we followed clues back to this location.” she said. There seemed to be a nervous smile on her face.

“But I wasn’t taken from my-” started Twilight. Celestia raised a silencing hoof to her mouth.

“Don’t worry Twilight, we’ll handle all of this in the courtrooms.”

______________________________________________________________

Hi Ponyguy here,

Pay no attention to the ‘complete’ sign. I’ll eventually put an epilogue in to answer some questions.