Hunting Groundsby DynomuttChaptersPrologue: Road to Nowhere [Rewritten]The Morning AfterSharpshooter [WARNING: Pumpkin Slaughter]Prologue: Road to Nowhere [Rewritten]The chilly mid-winter air stung my fingers as I gripped my Savage Arms .30 Caliber rifle, holding it steady in my hunter's blind. In the past four years of hunting I had only seen a buck once, and it was to far down range for me to take a safe shot. This year, I was determined to get at least a 3-pointer. Beside me was my Grandfather, with is own rifle. He was with me because I was to young to go by myself, I trusted my Grandfather with my life, if anything happened to us, he would make sure I made it through all right. I was enthusiastic about hunting every time I went, but waking up at 4:00 AM and staying in the same place for 12 hours at a time really waned on my health and sometimes my sanity. Most of the time I was up there I slept, stared out a nylon screen, and ate. That was all, for the most part. Then I saw movement. "Hey, down there." I whispered to my grandfather, signaling with my hand to my the movement down range. I lifted my scope to my right eye and peered through it to the sighting and saw a buck. "Yep, a nice 6-pointer, go for it." responded my Grandfather. I slowly brought the sights in line with the buck's vital areas. I then gradually slowed down my breathing before holding my breath completely to steady the gun. I drew back on the trigger until I felt resistance, I doubled checked to make sure the safety was off. It was time, I pulled back my finger harder and felt the stock of the gun kickback as the bullet exploded out of the barrel before falling to the ground and blacking out. As I regained consciousness I immediately noticed the utter lack of my Grandfather and the fact that it was nearly midnight, according to the position of the moon. My rifle lay next to me, I checked it for ammo and found four out of five bullets not fired. Past were the rifle was laying, was my Grandfather's winter coat. I picked it up to examine it and found it surprisingly heavy. Rummaging around in the pockets I discovered a box of 60 bullets and pocketed them. I stuffed the coat into one of the three backpacks lying around. "Agh, fuck. I better pack this shit up and get off this mountain." I muttered to myself. I unzipped the blind's nylon door and stepped out into the freezing cold mountain air. The blind was held in place by four strings tied to small trees. I undid each one from the blind and stuffed them into the blind's respective pack. I then took the two small chairs from inside, folded them up and set them on a log with my rifle and the other backpacks. After that I picked up the blind and, after much difficulty, managed to fold it up and get it inside its pack. I then shouldered all three packs, the two chairs, and my rifle. I won't lie, it was all extremely heavy. Even though my Grandfather was gone and the mountain seemed to be different, the red tape used to guide us from the Kawasaki Mule to our blind was still there. I slowly trudged down the steep incline and ducked under a few fallen trees until I could make out the dark green of the Mule. Walking up to it silently I set the three backpacks and two chairs down into the cargo bed. I unloaded my rifle and pocketed the four bullets and set the safety to on before setting it onto the run rack and locking the rack down. I clambered into the drivers seat of the Mule and buckled my self in before pulling the choke out all the way. It wasn't my first time driving so I knew what I was doing. I made sure it was in neutral gear and turned the ignition. After a few seconds of the engine turning over it came to life. I immediately noticed that the battery gauge showed exactly 12 volts (perfect condition) and the fuel gauge was reading 20 gallons (a full tank). Releasing the parking brake and pushing the choke in, I shoved it out of neutral and into low gear. Before moving I made sure it was in 4-wheel drive and differential drive was on, as I had no Idea how rough or wet the terrain was up here. After turning on the headlights I pushed down on the pedal and drove down what seemed to be a trail. Little to my knowledge, I had a long drive ahead of me. After what seemed like an eternity, the end of the mountain came into sight and I broke out into a large field. I had not expected any of that. What I had expected was to come out of the mountain behind my Grandparent's house and I would run I side to my Grandmother where she would comfort me and tell me everything would be alright. At this point the thin barrier protecting my sanity fell and I broke into tears. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, ffffuuhahuhuck." I sobbed all the while slamming my head into the steering wheel causing the incredibly loud horn to go off each time my head hit it. In the distance lights in a small cottage came on but I was to broken to care even the slightest amount. Hours seemed pass but in reality it was only a few minutes before I finally came to my senses. I finally came to the conclusion that I needed somewhere to stay for the night and checking on the cottage would've been a better option than sleeping on the Mule's seats. The drive was extremely short to the cottage but seconds seem like hours when you've just lost mostly everything in the blink of an eye, or, a shot of a gun. Pulling up to the cottage I turned the engine off and put the gear into neutral whilst engaging the park brake. I then proceeded to walk up to the door and knock on the aged wood in was made of. After only a few seconds, a small yellow four legged horse opened the door. "Uhm, hello?" It asked. "Uhhhh, you talk. You're not supposed to talk." I said, my sanity was dangerously low. "Eeeeee, monster!" It screamed and ran inside while slamming the door shut. "Fuck." I grumbled, I was about to turn around and get out of there when it opened the door again. "Please excuse me... for my reaction, I'm just not used to strange creatures talking. What is it that you want?" It asked "Listen, this is might sound really crazy, but I just came out of... well over there" I pointed to the forest that I had driven out of. "I need a place to stay for the night and I just wondered if I could maybe, well, stay here." "Do you promise not eat me?" It asked, starting to tremble. "What? Why would I eat you?" I said. "No, I won't eat you." "Well, okay then. Come in." It responded while ushering me into it's house. "Might I ask, do you have a name?" "Yes, my name is Smitty WerbenJagerManJensen, and I am number one." I said sheepishly, trying my best to hold in the laughter that was rising inside me. "Uhm, excuse me?" "Oh, it was a joke from where I'm from.... my real name is John Grietel. Now might I ask, what is your name?" "Fluttershy is my name." "Can I ask, where am I?" "Why in Equestria of course!" "Eques- whaaa?" DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN The Morning After"Equestria, the land of ponies!" responded Fluttershy in her best attempt to get rid of my confusion. "I still don't understand, almost two hours ago I was with my Grandfather, and in an instant he's gone and i'm in a land of ponies?" I said dumbfounded. "It would seem that way to me." "Okay, I'll sort this out it the morning. Anyway, where do I sleep?" "You can sleep over on that couch over there." She said, pointing here hoof to a small sofa next to the wall. "Thank you." "Is there anything else you need?" "No, no. Just some rest for now." "Sleep well, then." she said while walking out of the room and blowing out the candles. I made my way over to the couch and took my heavy-duty hiking boots off and set them next to the sofa. Lying down on the sofa I remarked about how soft it was. I mean, it was soft. "Ugh, tonight was a hell of a night." I grumbled as I closed my eyes and quickly fell into a deep sleep. I awoke to the sounds of birds chirping and the sun shining directly into my eyes. I sat up with a grumble and noticed Fluttershy up and at em', already cooking breakfast. "Good mornin'." I said to her, sitting up and rubbing some gunk out of my eyes. "Did you sleep well?" She asked, concern in her voice. "Yes, excellently." I responded. "Good, do you eat alfalfa?" She said, apparently readying some in the kitchen. "No, not really. But that's okay, I brought some food of my own." I responded. "Really? I didn't think you brought any bags or anything like that." "No, I did, they're outside in the Kawasaki." "The Kawa-whaty?" She queried. "Oh, you don't have automobiles here?" "What's that?" "It's a form of transportation." I said dumbly, the lack of light bulbs and the use of candles should have at least hinted me to the fact that this world probably didn't have very advanced technology. "Speaking of transportation, I need to go to Ponyville today and pick up groceries. Oh! We could stop at Twilight's and she could probably figure what happened to you last night." She said. The look in her eyes told me that she was eager to see her friend "Twilight". I really hoped she wasn't a vampire. "We'll leave in about 15 minutes, that should give you enough time to eat your breakfast, whatever it is that you eat." "Sounds good to me." I said blankly, at this point, anything sounded good to me apart from dying, being burned alive, or having to dig a hole five feet wide and five feet deep for the rest of my juvenile life. I put on my heavy boots and walked out the door to where I parked the Kawasaki last night. Walking up to the back of it, I pulled out the backpack with the lunchbox in it and took out my ham and swiss sandwich. The sandwich, despite being slightly flattened, was still delicious. I gobbled down the sandwich in a record time of only a few minutes, the first few bites having started up my appetite. After breakfast was done, I still had around 10 minutes to spare. I spent it being lazy and sitting on the seat of the Mule. After all, I really had nothing better to do. "Okay, I'm ready, let's go." said Fluttershy as she walked out of her house and towards the town in the distance. "What, you're gonna' walk?" I remarked. "Of course, how else would we get there." She replied with a puzzled look on her face. "C'mon, I've got a faster way." I said, hopping into the driver's side of the Kawasaki, signalling for her to do the same on the other side. "Wait, you didn't put your bags away." She said. I hopped out and quickly swooped up all the bags, chairs, etc. and deposited them inside the cottage. The only thing I didn't put away was the rifle, which was still locked into the gun rack on the Kawasaki, and the box of 60 bullets I had, which I put in the glove box last night. I quickly ran out of the cottage and jumped into the driver's seat of the Mule. "So, how exactly is this going to get us to Ponyville." She asked, clearly not understand how this worked. "Just you watch." I said with a huge grin on my face. I released the parking brake and pulled the choke out. Then turned the ignition, this time, the Mule started immediately. "Eeeeeek! Monster!" Screamed Fluttershy as she hopped out and cowered in fear of the engine. "Fluttershy, it's not a monster, it's not even a living thing." I explained, "It's mechanical." "Oh." responded Fluttershy sheepishly. She almost instantly calmed down and hopped back into the Mule. I pushed the choke back in and the Mule's idle slowed down accordingly. I then shifted it into high gear and gently eased onto the pedal so as not to startle Fluttershy. "No need to hold back, I'm not afraid anymore." She said, a slight hint of annoyance in her voice. "Okay, okay." I responded, raising my hands in a "watch out we got badass over here" manner, I then put my foot down on the pedal more deliberately. The Mule lurched and then quickly gained speed. "Weeeeeee." whispered Fluttershy, her hair billowing in the wind. According to the speedometer, I was only going 20 Miles per Hour, the Mule was capable of up to 50 Miles per hour. "So where are we headed?" I asked. "Just turn onto this road over here and keep going." she replied, signalling with her hoof to the small dirt road on the right. "All righty then." I said, pulling over onto the dirt road. Sharpshooter [WARNING: Pumpkin Slaughter]"So, would you like to see Twilight first or go shopping first?" Fluttershy asked me. "Well, I never really like shopping where I'm from, and it's always nice to meet new people." I replied, still driving on the seemingly endless expanse of dirt road. "Okay then. Oh, take a right over here." Fluttershy said, directing her hoof to the right. I pulled over to the right and broke out of the trees surrounding the path, ahead was a moderately sized town bustling with ponies. I slowed down to a moderate 15 miles per hour. As soon as I got within 30 yards of the town, all attention was directed towards me. Then all of a sudden the place was deserted as the ponies leaped behind carts and ran into households. "So where is Twilight's house?" I whispered while leaning towards Fluttershy. "Just take a right then a left and another right." Responded Fluttershy. Following her directions, I navigated around the town before pulling up to a huge tree house. "This is it." Said Fluttershy while getting out of the Mule. "Wow, I've seen tree houses, but none to this extent." I said, I was impressed to say the least. I hopped out of the Mule and walked behind Fluttershy up to the door of the house. When she knocked on the door it was almost instantly answered by a purple unicorn about the same size as Fluttershy. "Ah, Fluttershy, what a nice surprise. Please come in." Said the purple unicorn. "Oh... who's your friend." she said while looking me up and down and then giving a big grin. "Uhm, his name is John, and Twilight... it's not like that..." Fluttershy said while her face turned scarlet red. "Wait, wait, wait. You don't think me and Fluttershy, are, like, dating? Right? Because it is NOT like that." I said with a stern look. "Suuuuuuuure." Twilight said, with her shit-eating-grin still plastered across her face. "Anyway, please come in." She said while ushering us inside her abode. "So what brings you here?" "Well, I needed to go shopping here anyway and John showed up at my house last night and he was lost and needed a place to stay. So I figured when I went shopping I could bring him with me and you could figure out what happened to him." Explained Fluttershy. "Okay, so John, tell me what happened from the beginning." Twilight said, grabbing a piece of paper and a quill. "So, I was hunting an-" I was cut off by both ponies gasping in shock. "You never told me you were a carnivore!" Exclaimed Fluttershy "You never asked, besides, that's only half true. I'm an omnivore." I explained to her. "Anyway I wa-" "So what were hunting with? A bow, magic?" asked Twilight, cutting me off again. "I'll show you after, let me finish god damnit." I said, getting past a little frustrated. "I was hunting with my Grandfather and I saw a buck, don't freak out, humans eat meat, so get over it. So I shot at the buck and everything went black and I passed out or something. I woke up around midnight and my Grandfather was gone, just gone. After packing everything up and setting it my Kawasaki, I drove down the mountain and out of a forest towards Fluttershy's house. So, now I'm here." "Mmm, okay. So the deal is, I have no idea what happened to you but I'm interested in what you hunted with and what a Kawasaki is." Twilight said, her eyes glassed over in thought, "But I think Princess Celestia and Princess Luna may be able to help you with your problems." "Wait, Princess's? Your country is run by a monarchy?" I asked, I felt my inner Libertarian shriveling up into a little dehydrated piece of paper labeled 'Bill of Rights' next to a smaller piece of paper labeled 'Constitution of me, and the Constitution of the U.S.A. "Yes, Princesses. Why?" Twilight asked, her suspicion growing. "Because back from where I'm from, Monarchs were notorious for being corrupt and evil. So now most countries are a Democracy or a Communist Government." I explained. "OH MY CELESTIA!" I heard a scream behind me before being tackled and seeing nothing but a blur of rainbow. "BURGLE AVERTED." "Get the hell off me!" I grudged, before lifting the object off me and over my head and then setting down on the floor. It was another pony. It was another Pegasus like Fluttershy, except her fur was cyan colored and she had a rainbow mane. "Ugh, Rainbow Dash. This is my friend and Fluttershy's, *ahem* Coltfriend..." Twilight said, another shit-eating-grin growing on her face. "For fuck's sake, I'm not her Coltfriend!" I raged. "Wait, hold on... what's that on your face... hold still." I said before moving my hand towards the left side of Twilight's face. "Hold still, I almost got it." Both Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash were standing perfectly still and staring at my hand. I got a few inches closer to Twilight's face before pulling back and slapping her full force. "There got it." "OW, what the buck was that for?" I Twilight screamed, tears welling in her eyes. "That's for calling me Fluttershy's Coltfriend," I said, pointing my finger at Twilight, "It's not funny. I'm not trying to insult Fluttershy by saying that, I mean, I'm sure she beautiful by your pony standards, but I'm not romantically interested in her in anyway, okay? I'm sorry I had to do that." "Okay, I'm sorry." sniffled Twilight, trying to suck up most of the pain. "I would be happy to show all three of you what a Kawasaki Mule is and what I hunted with if you would just shut your damn mouth for more than two fucking seconds." I said, I then took in a deep breath and opened the front door and saying over my shoulder, "Follow me." I led the group of ponies out of the house down to where the Mule was waiting. "This is a Kawasaki 3010 Mule, with four gears, differential drive, and a 2x2 or 4x4 mode. It has a 200 horsepower engine and a 20 gallon fuel tank. It is capable of up to 50 Miles per Hour." I explained to them. "Can you demonstrate it?" Asked Rainbow Dash, clearly not impressed by my statistics, "Wait, I'm worried what you heard was 'egghead it up with more stats', what I meant was, 'race me'." "It's a deal, but we'll do it later. For now I want to just finish with my rifle." I replied to her, "Anyway," I said while unlocking the gun rack and lifting out my rifle. "This is my Savage Arms .30 Caliber Bolt Action rifle. It has a range of up to 6.21 miles and has a 12x adjustable scope." I explained while pulling back the bolt and pulling a round out of the chamber showing it the ponies, "It fires smokeless powder .30 Caliber bullets, it exerts enough force to bring down medium to large animals." "Can you demonstrate that?" Asked Rainbow again. "Happily, I am positive my rifle abilities will be enough to please. Twilight if you could put some pumpkins, oh, about 200 yards out that would be great." I told Twilight. "Certainly." Replied Twilight, her horn glowed and then four pumpkins showed up 200 yards away. "There you go." I lay down on the ground to steady the gun and dialed in the sights, with that done I loaded back in the bullet I had taken out to show. I turned off the safety and lined up the scope with the pumpkins and pulled hard on the trigger. *BANG* The ponies jumped back in shock at the incredibly loud noise and the fact the pumpkin down range had exploded into bits. *BANG* The second pumpkin exploded in a slew of juicy bits, this time the noise did not elicit as dramatic as a reaction from the ponies. *BANG* The third pumpkin blew up into a mist of gourd juice, The ponies once again did not react as dramatically as before. *BANG* The fourth and final pumpkin bit the dust as it too exploded into nothingness, this time they barely moved, they only winced at the noise of the gun. "So, what'd you think?" I asked the astonished group, while picking myself up off the ground and pulling back the bolt to expel the last empty cartridge. "That, was, AWESOME!" Screamed Rainbow Dash, grinning from side to side while jumping up and down in excitement. I grinned at her enthusiasm.
Prologue: Road to Nowhere [Rewritten]The chilly mid-winter air stung my fingers as I gripped my Savage Arms .30 Caliber rifle, holding it steady in my hunter's blind. In the past four years of hunting I had only seen a buck once, and it was to far down range for me to take a safe shot. This year, I was determined to get at least a 3-pointer. Beside me was my Grandfather, with is own rifle. He was with me because I was to young to go by myself, I trusted my Grandfather with my life, if anything happened to us, he would make sure I made it through all right. I was enthusiastic about hunting every time I went, but waking up at 4:00 AM and staying in the same place for 12 hours at a time really waned on my health and sometimes my sanity. Most of the time I was up there I slept, stared out a nylon screen, and ate. That was all, for the most part. Then I saw movement. "Hey, down there." I whispered to my grandfather, signaling with my hand to my the movement down range. I lifted my scope to my right eye and peered through it to the sighting and saw a buck. "Yep, a nice 6-pointer, go for it." responded my Grandfather. I slowly brought the sights in line with the buck's vital areas. I then gradually slowed down my breathing before holding my breath completely to steady the gun. I drew back on the trigger until I felt resistance, I doubled checked to make sure the safety was off. It was time, I pulled back my finger harder and felt the stock of the gun kickback as the bullet exploded out of the barrel before falling to the ground and blacking out. As I regained consciousness I immediately noticed the utter lack of my Grandfather and the fact that it was nearly midnight, according to the position of the moon. My rifle lay next to me, I checked it for ammo and found four out of five bullets not fired. Past were the rifle was laying, was my Grandfather's winter coat. I picked it up to examine it and found it surprisingly heavy. Rummaging around in the pockets I discovered a box of 60 bullets and pocketed them. I stuffed the coat into one of the three backpacks lying around. "Agh, fuck. I better pack this shit up and get off this mountain." I muttered to myself. I unzipped the blind's nylon door and stepped out into the freezing cold mountain air. The blind was held in place by four strings tied to small trees. I undid each one from the blind and stuffed them into the blind's respective pack. I then took the two small chairs from inside, folded them up and set them on a log with my rifle and the other backpacks. After that I picked up the blind and, after much difficulty, managed to fold it up and get it inside its pack. I then shouldered all three packs, the two chairs, and my rifle. I won't lie, it was all extremely heavy. Even though my Grandfather was gone and the mountain seemed to be different, the red tape used to guide us from the Kawasaki Mule to our blind was still there. I slowly trudged down the steep incline and ducked under a few fallen trees until I could make out the dark green of the Mule. Walking up to it silently I set the three backpacks and two chairs down into the cargo bed. I unloaded my rifle and pocketed the four bullets and set the safety to on before setting it onto the run rack and locking the rack down. I clambered into the drivers seat of the Mule and buckled my self in before pulling the choke out all the way. It wasn't my first time driving so I knew what I was doing. I made sure it was in neutral gear and turned the ignition. After a few seconds of the engine turning over it came to life. I immediately noticed that the battery gauge showed exactly 12 volts (perfect condition) and the fuel gauge was reading 20 gallons (a full tank). Releasing the parking brake and pushing the choke in, I shoved it out of neutral and into low gear. Before moving I made sure it was in 4-wheel drive and differential drive was on, as I had no Idea how rough or wet the terrain was up here. After turning on the headlights I pushed down on the pedal and drove down what seemed to be a trail. Little to my knowledge, I had a long drive ahead of me. After what seemed like an eternity, the end of the mountain came into sight and I broke out into a large field. I had not expected any of that. What I had expected was to come out of the mountain behind my Grandparent's house and I would run I side to my Grandmother where she would comfort me and tell me everything would be alright. At this point the thin barrier protecting my sanity fell and I broke into tears. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, ffffuuhahuhuck." I sobbed all the while slamming my head into the steering wheel causing the incredibly loud horn to go off each time my head hit it. In the distance lights in a small cottage came on but I was to broken to care even the slightest amount. Hours seemed pass but in reality it was only a few minutes before I finally came to my senses. I finally came to the conclusion that I needed somewhere to stay for the night and checking on the cottage would've been a better option than sleeping on the Mule's seats. The drive was extremely short to the cottage but seconds seem like hours when you've just lost mostly everything in the blink of an eye, or, a shot of a gun. Pulling up to the cottage I turned the engine off and put the gear into neutral whilst engaging the park brake. I then proceeded to walk up to the door and knock on the aged wood in was made of. After only a few seconds, a small yellow four legged horse opened the door. "Uhm, hello?" It asked. "Uhhhh, you talk. You're not supposed to talk." I said, my sanity was dangerously low. "Eeeeee, monster!" It screamed and ran inside while slamming the door shut. "Fuck." I grumbled, I was about to turn around and get out of there when it opened the door again. "Please excuse me... for my reaction, I'm just not used to strange creatures talking. What is it that you want?" It asked "Listen, this is might sound really crazy, but I just came out of... well over there" I pointed to the forest that I had driven out of. "I need a place to stay for the night and I just wondered if I could maybe, well, stay here." "Do you promise not eat me?" It asked, starting to tremble. "What? Why would I eat you?" I said. "No, I won't eat you." "Well, okay then. Come in." It responded while ushering me into it's house. "Might I ask, do you have a name?" "Yes, my name is Smitty WerbenJagerManJensen, and I am number one." I said sheepishly, trying my best to hold in the laughter that was rising inside me. "Uhm, excuse me?" "Oh, it was a joke from where I'm from.... my real name is John Grietel. Now might I ask, what is your name?" "Fluttershy is my name." "Can I ask, where am I?" "Why in Equestria of course!" "Eques- whaaa?" DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN
The Morning After"Equestria, the land of ponies!" responded Fluttershy in her best attempt to get rid of my confusion. "I still don't understand, almost two hours ago I was with my Grandfather, and in an instant he's gone and i'm in a land of ponies?" I said dumbfounded. "It would seem that way to me." "Okay, I'll sort this out it the morning. Anyway, where do I sleep?" "You can sleep over on that couch over there." She said, pointing here hoof to a small sofa next to the wall. "Thank you." "Is there anything else you need?" "No, no. Just some rest for now." "Sleep well, then." she said while walking out of the room and blowing out the candles. I made my way over to the couch and took my heavy-duty hiking boots off and set them next to the sofa. Lying down on the sofa I remarked about how soft it was. I mean, it was soft. "Ugh, tonight was a hell of a night." I grumbled as I closed my eyes and quickly fell into a deep sleep. I awoke to the sounds of birds chirping and the sun shining directly into my eyes. I sat up with a grumble and noticed Fluttershy up and at em', already cooking breakfast. "Good mornin'." I said to her, sitting up and rubbing some gunk out of my eyes. "Did you sleep well?" She asked, concern in her voice. "Yes, excellently." I responded. "Good, do you eat alfalfa?" She said, apparently readying some in the kitchen. "No, not really. But that's okay, I brought some food of my own." I responded. "Really? I didn't think you brought any bags or anything like that." "No, I did, they're outside in the Kawasaki." "The Kawa-whaty?" She queried. "Oh, you don't have automobiles here?" "What's that?" "It's a form of transportation." I said dumbly, the lack of light bulbs and the use of candles should have at least hinted me to the fact that this world probably didn't have very advanced technology. "Speaking of transportation, I need to go to Ponyville today and pick up groceries. Oh! We could stop at Twilight's and she could probably figure what happened to you last night." She said. The look in her eyes told me that she was eager to see her friend "Twilight". I really hoped she wasn't a vampire. "We'll leave in about 15 minutes, that should give you enough time to eat your breakfast, whatever it is that you eat." "Sounds good to me." I said blankly, at this point, anything sounded good to me apart from dying, being burned alive, or having to dig a hole five feet wide and five feet deep for the rest of my juvenile life. I put on my heavy boots and walked out the door to where I parked the Kawasaki last night. Walking up to the back of it, I pulled out the backpack with the lunchbox in it and took out my ham and swiss sandwich. The sandwich, despite being slightly flattened, was still delicious. I gobbled down the sandwich in a record time of only a few minutes, the first few bites having started up my appetite. After breakfast was done, I still had around 10 minutes to spare. I spent it being lazy and sitting on the seat of the Mule. After all, I really had nothing better to do. "Okay, I'm ready, let's go." said Fluttershy as she walked out of her house and towards the town in the distance. "What, you're gonna' walk?" I remarked. "Of course, how else would we get there." She replied with a puzzled look on her face. "C'mon, I've got a faster way." I said, hopping into the driver's side of the Kawasaki, signalling for her to do the same on the other side. "Wait, you didn't put your bags away." She said. I hopped out and quickly swooped up all the bags, chairs, etc. and deposited them inside the cottage. The only thing I didn't put away was the rifle, which was still locked into the gun rack on the Kawasaki, and the box of 60 bullets I had, which I put in the glove box last night. I quickly ran out of the cottage and jumped into the driver's seat of the Mule. "So, how exactly is this going to get us to Ponyville." She asked, clearly not understand how this worked. "Just you watch." I said with a huge grin on my face. I released the parking brake and pulled the choke out. Then turned the ignition, this time, the Mule started immediately. "Eeeeeek! Monster!" Screamed Fluttershy as she hopped out and cowered in fear of the engine. "Fluttershy, it's not a monster, it's not even a living thing." I explained, "It's mechanical." "Oh." responded Fluttershy sheepishly. She almost instantly calmed down and hopped back into the Mule. I pushed the choke back in and the Mule's idle slowed down accordingly. I then shifted it into high gear and gently eased onto the pedal so as not to startle Fluttershy. "No need to hold back, I'm not afraid anymore." She said, a slight hint of annoyance in her voice. "Okay, okay." I responded, raising my hands in a "watch out we got badass over here" manner, I then put my foot down on the pedal more deliberately. The Mule lurched and then quickly gained speed. "Weeeeeee." whispered Fluttershy, her hair billowing in the wind. According to the speedometer, I was only going 20 Miles per Hour, the Mule was capable of up to 50 Miles per hour. "So where are we headed?" I asked. "Just turn onto this road over here and keep going." she replied, signalling with her hoof to the small dirt road on the right. "All righty then." I said, pulling over onto the dirt road.
Sharpshooter [WARNING: Pumpkin Slaughter]"So, would you like to see Twilight first or go shopping first?" Fluttershy asked me. "Well, I never really like shopping where I'm from, and it's always nice to meet new people." I replied, still driving on the seemingly endless expanse of dirt road. "Okay then. Oh, take a right over here." Fluttershy said, directing her hoof to the right. I pulled over to the right and broke out of the trees surrounding the path, ahead was a moderately sized town bustling with ponies. I slowed down to a moderate 15 miles per hour. As soon as I got within 30 yards of the town, all attention was directed towards me. Then all of a sudden the place was deserted as the ponies leaped behind carts and ran into households. "So where is Twilight's house?" I whispered while leaning towards Fluttershy. "Just take a right then a left and another right." Responded Fluttershy. Following her directions, I navigated around the town before pulling up to a huge tree house. "This is it." Said Fluttershy while getting out of the Mule. "Wow, I've seen tree houses, but none to this extent." I said, I was impressed to say the least. I hopped out of the Mule and walked behind Fluttershy up to the door of the house. When she knocked on the door it was almost instantly answered by a purple unicorn about the same size as Fluttershy. "Ah, Fluttershy, what a nice surprise. Please come in." Said the purple unicorn. "Oh... who's your friend." she said while looking me up and down and then giving a big grin. "Uhm, his name is John, and Twilight... it's not like that..." Fluttershy said while her face turned scarlet red. "Wait, wait, wait. You don't think me and Fluttershy, are, like, dating? Right? Because it is NOT like that." I said with a stern look. "Suuuuuuuure." Twilight said, with her shit-eating-grin still plastered across her face. "Anyway, please come in." She said while ushering us inside her abode. "So what brings you here?" "Well, I needed to go shopping here anyway and John showed up at my house last night and he was lost and needed a place to stay. So I figured when I went shopping I could bring him with me and you could figure out what happened to him." Explained Fluttershy. "Okay, so John, tell me what happened from the beginning." Twilight said, grabbing a piece of paper and a quill. "So, I was hunting an-" I was cut off by both ponies gasping in shock. "You never told me you were a carnivore!" Exclaimed Fluttershy "You never asked, besides, that's only half true. I'm an omnivore." I explained to her. "Anyway I wa-" "So what were hunting with? A bow, magic?" asked Twilight, cutting me off again. "I'll show you after, let me finish god damnit." I said, getting past a little frustrated. "I was hunting with my Grandfather and I saw a buck, don't freak out, humans eat meat, so get over it. So I shot at the buck and everything went black and I passed out or something. I woke up around midnight and my Grandfather was gone, just gone. After packing everything up and setting it my Kawasaki, I drove down the mountain and out of a forest towards Fluttershy's house. So, now I'm here." "Mmm, okay. So the deal is, I have no idea what happened to you but I'm interested in what you hunted with and what a Kawasaki is." Twilight said, her eyes glassed over in thought, "But I think Princess Celestia and Princess Luna may be able to help you with your problems." "Wait, Princess's? Your country is run by a monarchy?" I asked, I felt my inner Libertarian shriveling up into a little dehydrated piece of paper labeled 'Bill of Rights' next to a smaller piece of paper labeled 'Constitution of me, and the Constitution of the U.S.A. "Yes, Princesses. Why?" Twilight asked, her suspicion growing. "Because back from where I'm from, Monarchs were notorious for being corrupt and evil. So now most countries are a Democracy or a Communist Government." I explained. "OH MY CELESTIA!" I heard a scream behind me before being tackled and seeing nothing but a blur of rainbow. "BURGLE AVERTED." "Get the hell off me!" I grudged, before lifting the object off me and over my head and then setting down on the floor. It was another pony. It was another Pegasus like Fluttershy, except her fur was cyan colored and she had a rainbow mane. "Ugh, Rainbow Dash. This is my friend and Fluttershy's, *ahem* Coltfriend..." Twilight said, another shit-eating-grin growing on her face. "For fuck's sake, I'm not her Coltfriend!" I raged. "Wait, hold on... what's that on your face... hold still." I said before moving my hand towards the left side of Twilight's face. "Hold still, I almost got it." Both Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash were standing perfectly still and staring at my hand. I got a few inches closer to Twilight's face before pulling back and slapping her full force. "There got it." "OW, what the buck was that for?" I Twilight screamed, tears welling in her eyes. "That's for calling me Fluttershy's Coltfriend," I said, pointing my finger at Twilight, "It's not funny. I'm not trying to insult Fluttershy by saying that, I mean, I'm sure she beautiful by your pony standards, but I'm not romantically interested in her in anyway, okay? I'm sorry I had to do that." "Okay, I'm sorry." sniffled Twilight, trying to suck up most of the pain. "I would be happy to show all three of you what a Kawasaki Mule is and what I hunted with if you would just shut your damn mouth for more than two fucking seconds." I said, I then took in a deep breath and opened the front door and saying over my shoulder, "Follow me." I led the group of ponies out of the house down to where the Mule was waiting. "This is a Kawasaki 3010 Mule, with four gears, differential drive, and a 2x2 or 4x4 mode. It has a 200 horsepower engine and a 20 gallon fuel tank. It is capable of up to 50 Miles per Hour." I explained to them. "Can you demonstrate it?" Asked Rainbow Dash, clearly not impressed by my statistics, "Wait, I'm worried what you heard was 'egghead it up with more stats', what I meant was, 'race me'." "It's a deal, but we'll do it later. For now I want to just finish with my rifle." I replied to her, "Anyway," I said while unlocking the gun rack and lifting out my rifle. "This is my Savage Arms .30 Caliber Bolt Action rifle. It has a range of up to 6.21 miles and has a 12x adjustable scope." I explained while pulling back the bolt and pulling a round out of the chamber showing it the ponies, "It fires smokeless powder .30 Caliber bullets, it exerts enough force to bring down medium to large animals." "Can you demonstrate that?" Asked Rainbow again. "Happily, I am positive my rifle abilities will be enough to please. Twilight if you could put some pumpkins, oh, about 200 yards out that would be great." I told Twilight. "Certainly." Replied Twilight, her horn glowed and then four pumpkins showed up 200 yards away. "There you go." I lay down on the ground to steady the gun and dialed in the sights, with that done I loaded back in the bullet I had taken out to show. I turned off the safety and lined up the scope with the pumpkins and pulled hard on the trigger. *BANG* The ponies jumped back in shock at the incredibly loud noise and the fact the pumpkin down range had exploded into bits. *BANG* The second pumpkin exploded in a slew of juicy bits, this time the noise did not elicit as dramatic as a reaction from the ponies. *BANG* The third pumpkin blew up into a mist of gourd juice, The ponies once again did not react as dramatically as before. *BANG* The fourth and final pumpkin bit the dust as it too exploded into nothingness, this time they barely moved, they only winced at the noise of the gun. "So, what'd you think?" I asked the astonished group, while picking myself up off the ground and pulling back the bolt to expel the last empty cartridge. "That, was, AWESOME!" Screamed Rainbow Dash, grinning from side to side while jumping up and down in excitement. I grinned at her enthusiasm.
