don't tell me this is stupid, i know it is. also, not a grimdark.
INTO THE BLENDER OF TWO MINDS
A mash-up parody of Of Two Minds by CTVulpin and Into The Blender by AnnonyMouse
01
Twilight was pacing again. For once, however, it had nothing to do with the princess. It instead had to do with the fact that a package she ordered a couple weeks hadn't come in yet. Torgo must be delivering it.
"...It couldn't have gotten lost or anything," Twilight muttered, trying to calm herself down. "But it could have gotten stolen! Nazis could have stolen it! But why would they want it?... Celestia must have wanted them to take it from me... Why? I have no idea! I'm freaking out!"
"I'd say," Scootaloo agreed, walking in Twilight's open front door.
Twilight turned around in shock. "How long were you there?!" she demanded.
"Ten minutes," Scootaloo replied after taking a moment to think about it. "I was supposed to tell you something, but hearing you talk about Nazi totally made me lose my train of thought."
Twilight nodded a little, then, all of a sudden, Derpy came crashing through the wall.
"Hi Twilight!" Derpy greeted with a stupid smile.
"Derpy, for Faust's sake, use the front door!" Twilight told the controversial pegasus.
"I-I would have, but Scootamaloo was in the way," Derpy explained, pointing at said orange filly.
"Well, I'm sorry for not knowing that you were coming and moving out of your way!" Scootaloo said to Derpy.
"That's OK!" Derpy said with another smile. "Anyways, Twilight, y-y'know that package you ordered a little while ago?"
"3 weeks, 5 days, 8 hours, 38 minutes, 27 seconds, actually," Twilight corrected Derpy. "But, yes I do remember it."
"I... My boss told me I wasn't gonna be brining it to you," Derpy admitted.
"Then who is brining it? Don't tell me it's Ink Line! I bucking ha-!"
"I don't know who's brining it," Derpy interrupted Twilight. "And I was looking so forward to delivering it."
"...Don't you have other places to be?" Scootaloo asked.
"Right!" Derpy exclaimed. She broke out of the wall, quickly stole a muffin and flew away before could blink.
"I don't know what just happened," Twilight said after a moment's silence.
"Read the description above, it'll help a ton," Scootaloo told Twilight. "Anyways, I just remembered that your friends are here to tell you something."
Witb that, Scootaloo stepped aside and, sure enough, the rest of Twilight's friends were there.
"...You all heard me talk about Celestia and Nazis... Right?" Twilight enquired her friends sheepishly.
"Were we supposed to, darling?" Rarity retorted.
"I don't think so," Twilight muttered.
There was a brief period of silence.
"So... Why are you here?" Twilight asked.
"Well, there was this thing we were supposed to do today and-" Applejack began.
"CAN'T!" Twilight interrupted. "I'm waiting for my package!"
"Oh, Twilie, you've been waiting for that silly package for forever," Pinkie told Twilight. "You can take a little rest for one itty-bitty-enny-weeny-screeny-beeny day!"
"CAN'T!" Twilight repeated. "I've been worrying myself sick about this-"
"Understatement of the year," Rainbow muttere under her breath.
"-and I want to make sure it gets her safely!" Twilight finished.
"So you won't be coming with us?" Pinkie asked.
"No."
"For gosh sake, Twilight!" Applejack cried. "You've been fussin' over this thing forever! What is it, even!?"
"The hardcover edition of Past Sins!" Twilight replied.
Everypony except for Twilight fell over, Anime style.
"So you can see how important this is!" Twilight continued.
"Yeah, very..." Rainbow Dash commented. "C'mon, let's go."
And with that, everypony (but Twilight) left.
"You think we should just leave her there?" Rarity asked Rainbow Dash. "That's so... OOC of us."
"Hey, if she doesn't want to come with us, she doesn't want to come with us," Rainbow Dash explained.
"Yeah, but-" Rarity tried to argue further.
"It's the hardcover edition of Past Sins," Rainbow Dash reminded Rarity. "Is it really worth waiting for?"
"Depends," Rarity said.
Rainbow ignored Rarity.
---ItBoTM---
Trixie walked silently down the streets of PonyVille, a saddle bag draped over her. She didn't feel exactly dignified about what she was doing, but it was either that or take up a job on a rock farm. It was a pretty easy choice. But Trixie was starting to have second thoughts about, especially since nopony was taking kindly to her return. Odd, considering that she had made admends, but this was written prior to that, so yeah.
"Hey, Trixie!" one rude pony called to her. "You tryin' to put on another show here!? Are you looking to be embarrassed again!?"
"Does Trixie have her stage coach with her?" Trixie asked the pony who had yelled at her.
"No..." was the reply.
"Then Trixie wants you to shut the buck up!" Trixie snapped, continuing on her way.
"Well there's no need to be rude!" the rude pony said back.
It took Trixie all of her will power to avoid bucking that pony right in the face and teaching him a lesson. But Trixie was trying to be humble & not obsess over Twilight showing her up and hurting somepony was the exact opposite of humbleness.
And I could go on forever about things Trixie did leading up to her destination, but we would be here for... Very little time, seeing as how I have no idea what else to write. Well, let's move on.
About ten/fifteen minutes later, Trixie finally reached where she was going: Twilight's front door. She was about to knock, but Twilight opened it herself.
"What do you want?" Twilight asked in a hushed whisper.
"Um... Trixie has a package for you," Trixie replied awkwardly. "...How did you know I was coming?"
"Saw you through the hole in the wall," Twilight explained quickly. "Now, hurry, get in here! [i[SHE could be watching."
"She? Trixie wants to- WAH!" Trixie started to say, but Twilight used her magic to forcefully throw Trixie inside. "You could have been careful..."
Twilight slammed the door shut and stared at Trixie. "With the potential ofHER watching?! Are you out of your bucking mind?!"
"I know you are," Trixie grumbled, picking herself up.
"Hey!" Twilight shouted before calming herself down (somewhat). "Anyways, what do you want?"
"As Trixie tried to say, she has a package for you," Trixie said, pulling said package out of her saddle bag with MAGICK.
"Why do you have it?" Twilight enquired. Her panicking was starting to come back as her mind went off on tangents.
"It was either take this job delivering stuff from Amazon," Trixie answered, "or work on a rock farm. A mother-bucking rock farm."
"I... I can see why you'd take this job," Twilight muttered.
"So, do you want this or not?" Trixie asked.
"Oh, right, right..."
With that, Twilight took the package from Trixie with her own MAGICK and noticed it was lighter then she would have expected. But, nonetheless, she signed for it and tore it open to find... A note.
"What the buck...?" Twilight said to herself, picking the note up.
"Oh, yes, Trixie should have mentioned this..." Trixie began.
"YOU LOST MY BOOK!" Twilight barked, furious.
"A-actually, Trixie didn't lose your book!" Trixie said. But Twilight wouldn't listen.
"I've been waiting for weeks upon weeks upon weeks upon weeks upon weeks for that book and you lose it!" Twilight rambled, starting to pace again. "I was worried sick, thinking Nazi stole it! What was I even thinking about! NAZIS! Why in the world would I think that!? Maybe it was Cloudkicker! I never trusted that whorse! I only did that study because I was paid to do so! IT WAS THE WORST-"
"Trixie wants you shut the buck up! Trixie DIDN'T lose your book!" Trixie shouted.
That certainly caught Twilight's attention.
"If you would actually check the note that came with the package..."
A couple grumbles came from Twilight, telling Trixie to stop. Once she did, Twilight checked the note. It had this to say:
"We're all out of stock (concerning your book), 'cause we never GOT any. Suffice to say, you will probably have to wait even longer. Sorry. Also, you're our 1,000,000th customer for no good reason! - DN"
Twilight raised an eyebrow. "They don't have my book and they send me a sticky note?" she enquired Trixie. "What the buck's this fluff about?"
"What makes it worse is what's on the back," Trixie informed Twilight.
So Twilight found the back and found... A Hammerskin insignia.
"So does that mean Nazi technically stole my book?" Twilight asked.
"Oh, would you drop the bucking Nazis!" Trixie shouted. In a quieter tone, she said, "On a side note, they did ask me to bring you this necklace in a vain attempt to make up for it." With that, she pulled an orange necklace out of the left saddle bag.
"Vain is right!" Twilight agreed. "How much does that cost? About as much as your show!"
"Hey, look, just because you're upset doesn't mean you have to insult Trixie!" Trixie snapped.
"But it probably does!" Twilight said. "And it looks more like a talisman!"
"Well ex-cuse Trixie for getting her facts wrong!" Trixie said, getting a little anger.
"We're not doing a very good job of portraying this as a pre-Magic Duel fic, are we?" Twilight enquired with a laugh.
Trixie thought for a second before chuckling. "Yeah, you're right. Even thought, considering the above dialogue, Trixie has no idea when this takes place..."
There were a few moments silence for the two of them to contemplate the last couple of minutes.
"So... You want the necklace or not?" Trixie asked.
"Oh, yeah, sure, I'll take it off your hooves." Twilight nodded and used MAGICK to take the necklace/talisman from Trixie. She went over to the mirror to see how it would look on her fur. "Do you think it would clash?"
"Orange on purple? No, Trixie doesn't think so," Trixie murmured, looking Twilight over.
"Well, if I know my Apple Sparkle," Twilight said before putting on the necklace.
Suddenly, there was a flash of bright crimson light! For once, it wasn't a flashback! Instead, when the light faded, Twilight found herself staring at... Herself! WHA?!?!
"The buck...?" Twilight began, but stopped because she suddenly felt like she had a hangover.
Meanwhile, the Twilight the first Twilight was looking at was checking herself out.
"Hmm... Purple fur... Purple mane... Stripe in mane, that'll probably get me confused for a zebra..." whoever Twilight was mumbled to herself, feeling around her body. "A horn, that's always good... Yep, definetly female!"
"Hey, only I can touch there!" Twilight suddenly shouted. "I-I mean-"
"You mean nothing," the other Twilight cut off Twilight, finally looking at her.
"You got that right."
"Silence!" the other Twilight snapped. "Now, you're probably wondering who I am." She waited a few second. "Of course you are. Well, my name is Terra Nova. I've been trapped in that talisman for centuries-"
"And it was in a random warehouse anypony could have broken into and stolen?" Twilight asked. "My Faust, it's the Alicorn Amulet all over again!"
"Please, hold all your question until the end," Terra told Twilight. "Anyways, I'll simply be borrowing your body for a few days so I can go have a little... 'Ow shall you say, 'reunion' with Discord."
"D-discord?!" Twilight echoed. Wasn't this written pre-Season 3? Wasn't Discord still in stone?
"Yes, I said just said that," Terra said flatly. "Well, enough of sticking around here. Ta-ta!" And with that, Terra walked out the front door, Twilight not even making an attempt to stop her.
Smooth move, Twi, Trixie's voice came out of nowhere.
Twilight almost gave herself whiplash, looking for the source of Trixie's voice. "Where in the bucking hay did you come from?"
My mind, Trixie replied boredly.
"What do you mean-" Twilight started, but looked down at herself to find, instead of purple, light blue. Light apparently scared Twilight, 'cause she screamed. "WHAT IN THE BUCKING WORLD IS GOING ON?!"
Trixie was wondering that herself, until she tried to move and couldn't, Trixie explained. And since Trixie was standing completely still, she knew she hadn't moved. So she was obviously still myself.
"And... And now I'm in control of your body with you in my mind?" Twilight more-or-less asked herself.
Trixie's still in her body, so you're in Trixie's mind, controlling her body, Trixie pointed out.
"Well, I-" Twilight started, but, in the middle of her sentence, blinked.
"You what?" Trixie asked. She was shocked when she heard that it came out of her own mouth and not her thoughts. So shocked, she blinked. I can!... Nevermind.
"Wait, you spoke out of your own mouth!" Twilight stated. She blinked Wait, now I'm- Nevermind.
"This is so confusing!" Trixie exclaimed.
She blinked.
---ItBoTM---
Five minutes earlier, the Mane 5-out-of-6 were enjoying a relaxing picnic. Well, it was as relaxing as it could be with Pinkie. 'Cause, y'know, hyperness.
"Y'know, this is really nice!" Rarity commented.
"I only wish Twilight was here," Fluttershy said under her breath.
"Well, she didn't want to come," Rainbow Dash said, overhearing Fluttershy. "What could we have done?"
"Convinced her come?"
"She was hellbent on getting that book," Rainbow Dash reminded Fluttershy, "so why bother arguing with her?"
"Well, I guess..." Fluttershy mumbled.
"Besides, what in the world could possibly go wrong by leaving all by herself?" Rainbow Dash asked.
There was a bright, white flash.
"Um, Rainbow Dash... I think something went wrong," Fluttershy said.
"Darling, why are you talking to me?" Rarity asked, turning to Fluttershy.
"I wasn't talking to you, Applejack was!" Pinkie Pie said, pointing at Applejack.
"Applejack? I'm not Applejack," Fluttershy said. "I'm Fluttershy!"
"Yeah, I'm over here!" Applejack said.
"Silly Rarity, you're not Applejack!" Pinkie Pie said with a small giggle. "Why don't you know who you are!"
"But I am Applejack!" Applejack insisted. "What's wrong with you, Fluttershy?!"
"Fluttershy? I'm Pinkie Pie!" Pinkie Pie told Applejack.
"You're not Pinkie Pie!" Rarity said, exasperated. "You're Fluttershy!"
"But I'm Fluttershy!" Fluttershy said once again.
"If you're Fluttershy, why do you look so much like Applejack?" Rarity asked.
"I don't-" Fluttershy started, but finally looked at herself. Indeed, she was orange. She gave a little squeak of shock.
The other three were confused, but they, too, looked at their bodies and gasped. They were not themselves.
"Why the hay am I Rarity?" Applejack wondered aloud.
"Random number generator?" Pinkie, who was now Fluttershy, suggested.
"What's that?" Rarity, who was now Rainbow Dash, asked.
The now-yellow party pony shrugged. "Wait! If I'm Fluttershy, you're Rainbow Dash, Applejack is you and Fluttershy is Applejack, who's me?"
The four of them looked at "Pinkie Pie", who had been staring ahead for the entire conversation, struggling to keep still.
"Who are you?" Pinkie asked.
"..." "Pinkie Pie" took a moment to think it over. "...Twilight Sparkle."
"Yer not Twilight!" Applejack exclaimed. "Twilight's at her home! We asked ya who you are!"
"Twilight Sparkle!" "Twilight" repeated herself. "Girls, what's going on?"
"This pony's clearly confused, whoever she is," Rarity commented. "We should go see Twilight."
"But I am Twilight!" "Twilight" said.
"Yeah, and I'm Fluttershy!" Pinkie Pie laughed. "Wait..." She didn't take too long to consider what she said, because the other 3 were leaving and Pinkie didn't want to get left behind.
"...But..." "Twilight tried to say something, but decided just to follow the other 4.
---ItBoTM---
"Hey, look, Twilight!" Pinkie Pie shouted, cutting in the silence that had been following the Mane 5-out-of-6. "I wonder why she's out!"
"Who knows, it just makes us looking for her that much easier!" Applejack said. "Hey, Twi, over here! We got a problem and we think you're responsible."
"But I'm right here!" "Twilight" said, still trying to confirm herself as the real Twilight.
"But she's right there," Rarity told "Twilight".
"Twilight" couldn't think of a reply. She was just in shock... And awe.
Terra looked around for whoever called her "Twilight" until she saw the 5. "Moi?' she asked.
"Yea! Yer Twilight, aren't ya?" Applejack asked back.
"I assume so," Terra replied, making mental note of the name.
"So then you must know why I'm in Rarity's body and Pinkie Pie's in mine!" Applejack said.
"I might... But I don't," Terra said. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have no time to worry about a Rare Envy or Putrid Pie I must be on my way."
"Did Twilight just call me putrid?" Pinkie wondered aloud.
"Seems so," Terra snickered, going off.
The 5 were confused again.
"I don't think that was Twilight," Applejack stated.
There were scattered agreements from the rest of them. Then they all looked at "Twilight".
"OK, you're the new Twilight," Applejack told Twilight.
"But I am Twilight!" Twilight whined.
"Stop whining, dear, only I can do that," Rarity said.
"Well, we might as well go to Twi's-" Applejack began, but was suddenly thrown to the right.
"Applejack! Where ya going?!" Pinkie Pie asked, jumping up into the air and flying after her. The other 3 followed suit.
Meanwhile, the Crusaders had been watching them, Scootaloo looking especially confused.
"What's their problem?" Applebloom asked Sweetie.
"I dunno," Sweeite Belle shrugged. "Why am I talking to myself?
"Hey, I was about to ask myself that as well!" Applebloom said.
"Scootaloo, were you gonna ask that as well?" Sweetie Belle questioned her friend.
"...I'm Rainbow Dash!" Scootaloo suddenly shouted.
"You wish," Applebloom said.
"I WISH?!" Rainbow repeated. "I am!"
"Why you am is an orphan," Applebloom told Rainbow, "with the worst ponyshoes in all Equestria. Seriously, how do you stand 'em?"
Rainbow Dash was quiet for a moment. "A-an orphan?"
"Yes," Sweetie Belle confirmed.
"Huh..." Rainbow looked at her hooves and saw that they were almost cut off. "Should but Scoots some as a way of thanking her... 'Cause, y'know, I'm renting her body and all..."
"What are you talking about, Scootaloo?" Applebloom enquired.
"I think it's Rainbow Dash," Sweetie Belle said.
"Finally!" Rainbow exclaimed.
"I mean, who else would hear about being an orphan and not even flinch?" Sweetie Belle continued.
"Hey!"
"I don't mean to insult you, but it is kinda the truth," Sweetie Belle said, shrugging.
Rainbow Dash grumbled a little.
---ITtBoTM---
Lyra and Bonbon were sitting on a bench. Well, Bonbon was. Lyra was in a wheelchair. They had previously had a conversation about walking on all fours, but Lyra took offense to that for some reason, so they stopped. But then the bright flash happened and they were looking at each other.
"Well... It has appeared that we have switched bodies," Lyra, now Bonbon, said to Bonbon, now Lyra.
"Indeed," Bonbon nodded, rubbing Lyra's, now her, chin.
"And this is very weird," Lyra commented, looking down at herself. "Especially now that I'm sitting like this... You wanna scream about it?"
"Why not?" Bonbon agreed.
So they did.
"Wait!" Lyra stopped first, followed by Bonbon. "I can walk on all fours!"
"What makes you say that?" Bonbon asked, genuinely curious. "Rainbow Dash kept her blindness through her body swap. You're probably gonna keep your broken legs."
Lyra nodded, sarcastically made an "uh-huh" sound and stood up on all fours. "You were saying?"
"I... What?" Bonbon was shocked (and stunned).
"All four legs! All~ four!" Lyra boasted, doing a stupid tap dance.
"Stop it!" Bonbon whined. "You're making me look stupid!"
"I don't care, I've been in that wheelchair for months!" Lyra said in a sing-song voice. "I'm gonna take advantage of this! Now, if you'll excuse me, you need to lose a few pounds!"
"Hey! No! You get back here!" Bonbon shouted as Lyra trotted away - no, skipped away, happily. Bonbon tried to follow Lyra, but she forgot about Lyra's paralazaytion, so she fell flat on her face. "Well buck!... Now I'm stuck. Well, um... Damn... Can't get up myself... Wonder how long I'm gonna be stuck here..."
---ItBoTM---
"I... I think it's done!" Applejack panted, whatever pulling her being done. "Where... Where in all bucking hay am I?"
"By my count," Rarity, with not even a sign of fatigue on her, said, running up behind Applejack, "a couple dozen miles away from PonyVille... My Faust, Rainbow Dash keeps herself in good conditon! Didn't even break a sweat! And dat fla-"
"Why the buck am I here?" Applejack asked, breaking Rarity's train of thought.
"Um... I told about how I got my Cutie Mark, right?" Rarity asked, raising an eyebrow.
The ex-apple farmer groaned. "Yes..."
"Then you should know why yo're here," Rarity said.
"...What kind of a rock is this, anyways?"
"Geode," Twilight Sparkle explained, popping up from the top of the rock. "It's a conveniently rock that just so happens to have gems in them. Hey, y'know, Rarity's horn hasn't done this kind of thing since she was a filly. I wonder why it did that now that Applejack has possession of it..."
"Beats me," Rarity shrugged. A couple seconds later, she added, "How the buck did you get up there?"
"I have no idea!" Twilight said, her voice lowering to an audible whisper. "I-I was behind Rainbo- I-I mean Rarity... Then I only saw pink, then I was here!... A-a-and I have all this energy and I have no idea what to do with it! And I feel like I should kill somepony!"
"Well, I hope you get over it," Fluttershy said, showing up at last.
"Say, Fluttershy, darling, could you bust open this rock for us?" Rarity enquired.
"Well, I-"
"This isn't the time for that!" Twilight shouted with a slight growl.
"Hey, hey, hey! Listen, New Sparkle!" Rarity said to Twilight, suddenly annoyed. "You see this? This is a geode! 'Tis got jewels in it! This is never, ever, E-V-E-R gonna happen again!... I-I'm sure of it."
"Rarity, you know as well as I do that this rock is going nowhere fast. Unlike whatever's happened to us, it will last forever!... Hopefully. If not, hopefully I can get some medication to treat this hyper-activeness!" For some reason, Twilight felt like stretching it out to fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
---ItBoTM---
"Finally free," Terra whispered to herself, strolling down the street. "Now I can get revenge on Discord for trapping in that stupid talisman! I dunno why he did it, but it might be explained later. Hopefully."
But as she continued on her merry way, she noticed how... Boring everything looked. Where's the chaos? Where's the flying buildings, the pies, the bulls, the long-legged bunnies, the cards, the pepper, the fake buildings... Screwball! I really missed 'er. Where is it all!? Maybe it all got so chaotic that being boring is the new chaos.
Despite this, Terra kept a grin plastered on her face. Her new face.
2 B CONTINUED..
---ItBoTM---
OK... Twilight, are you in control?
I dunno. Just don't blink and I- Damn it.
You blinked?... Wait, maybe Trixie did it.
I have no idea! We've been at this for an hour!
Trixie is going to try to move, see if she's- Damn it.
Who blinked?
Trixie thinks she did it herself...? You could have done it.
I know I didn't!
Trixie didn't either!
I- Damn it.
Damn it.
Damn it.
Damn it.
Damn it.
Damn it.
Wait! I- Damn it.
Author's Note
Again... Totally stupid. Especially since, now that I really think about it, I have no idea when this takes place. Before Magic Duel, after Magic Duel... I don't know! I know "Of Two Minds" was written WAY before Magic Duel came out, but... I'm clueless.
quality is not expected to be consistent. also, still not a grimdark.
INTO THE BLENDER OF TWO MINDS
A mash-up parody of Of Two Minds by CTVulpin and Into The Blender by AnnoyMouse
02
Remember the last chapter? Well, Twilight (or more or less Pinkie's body) was pacing once again. Actually, it wasn't really pacing, as much as it was bouncing back in forth in a concerned way. And how would you know it was? Because she was in her usual pacing strip, which had gotten so worn that she fell into the basement a couple times. In previous pacing sessions, too.
"Are you gonna say anything, or you you gonna just pace like that?" Applejack asked, watching her go back and forth like the rest of them.
"I-I'm sorry, but..." Twilight stuttered. "Without m-magic, I-I-I can't locate my body or anything like that! And would you stop your accent while you're in that? It's so weird!"
"Well, sorry for being born in the South..." Applejack muttered.
"If I could say something, why don't you ask Trixie?" Rarity suggested. Indeed, Trixie was there.
"I don't think we should," Twilight replied. "She's been blinking like that for the last three hours and it's kinda creeping me out. But not as much as Applejack."
That was true. Trixie had been going like that for a while and, every now and then, you could hear her say something along the lines of "Dang it."
"Ugh... I gotta calm down," Twilight said. "I can't think
straight like this."
"Calm down?!" Pinkie repeated before going into hysterics.
Twilight looked all confused like. "Yeah, that's what I said."
"Twilight, calming down is the dumbest thing to do with me!" Pinkie told herself.
"Why? I need to think!" Twilight argued.
"Well, um, how do I put this?" Pinkie mused. "Let's say your a bucket. With a hole in it. And you're constantly filling up with water and then emptying through the hole-"
"So I'm a big waste of energy," Twilight deadpanned.
"Let me finish!" Pinkie exclaimed before moving on. "So, yeah, the water's emptying through the hole. Now, theoretically, you calming down is like a cork. Putting the cork in the hole stops the water from going out, making the bucket overflow and flood the world!"
Everypony blinked and Twilight commented, all bored like, "Yeah, and Applejack Is Full Of Squirrels is funny."
"Let me do another metaphor!" Pinkie said, racking her brain for another one. "Ah... Um... Hmm... Does anypony have a metaphor that ends in the universe collapsing in around itself?"
"That happens when you calm down?" Twilight enquired incredulously. "Bull."
"No, it actually happened," Rarity said. "Believe it or not, she's the reason why Lil' Miss Rarity got canceled."
"Seriously?"
"Yes, Nyx, very serious," Rarity told the little alicorn.
"Huh." Nyx thought about it for a moment. "How would you know
that, Rainbow?"
"Um..." Rarity suddenly remembered that she was, in fact, in
Rainbow's body.
"It's complicated," Applejack explained. "Now just go off. This is mare stuff."
"So you're talking about cutting yourself?" Nyx asked.
"...Yes," Applejack lied with a nod.
"OK then!" Nyx chirped before going off somewhere else.
"You lying you," Rarity commented with a smirk.
"Well, I'm not in my own body, so..." Applejack chuckled.
"AAAAAH!!! RARITY'S MAKING ME FLIRT WITH HERSELF!" Rainbow Dash cried. She didn't know what was going on visually, but she could certainly hear it.
"Hey, can we get back to the issue at hoof?" Twilight asked.
"OK," Pinkie said with a nod. "Anyways, as I was saying about the world exploding-"
"No, the other problem!" Twilight snapped.
"Cutting ourselves?"
"NO! The other problem!" Twilight repeated herself.
"Oh, right," Pinkie muttered. "Never thought I could be so bossy..."
Twilight sighed, groaned, put a hoof to her face and said, "Look, while you three were talking about nothing, I came to the conclusion that we need MAGICK to get the amulet back and I do not have it."
"...The princess's protege, everypony," Applejack remarked sarcastically.
"AUGH!!!"
"Hey, Twilight," Applebloom spoke up, "I know this won't make you fell any better, but I kinda like this because... Well, it's making me feel a lot closer to Sweetie."
"Odd, because that thought's disturbing me to no end," Applebloom added.
"And I don't wanna be Scootaloo," Rainbow grumbled.
"Well, at least you still have wings," Fluttershy tried to reassure Dashie.
"Yeah, but they're crap," Rainbow said. "I don't care if I just insulted Scootaloo. It's the truth. And, also, how the buck does she use that scooter?" Indeed, she was covered in bandages. Half an hour ago, it was head to hoof, but now it was just a few ones scattered around her body.
Rarity gasped in shock. "Scoota- Rainbow Dash!" she shouted. "Language!"
"Why does it matter?" Rainbow Dash groaned, poking at the ground. "Not only am I still blind, but now I can't fly... This can't get any worse..."
"Speaking of being blind, you tried to use a scooter when you can't see 0.441832722 Potrzebie in front of your own face!" Sweetie Belle pointed out.
"I was in denial!" Rainbow Dash argued.
"Of what?" Applebloom asked. "That you were still a pegasus and younger? What you pulled was a Jackflank stunt!"
"I'll have you know!" Rainbow Dash began, but...
"Hey!" Rarity suddenly piped up. "Don't make me use Rainbow Dash's body to tear you three apart, which includes the pony splitting this up!"
"Yeah, this is crazy," Applejack said.
"Speaking of craziness," Rarity said, looking around, "where's Twilight?"
"Here!" Trixie suddenly shouted. "Finally, I got this under control."
"...Got what under control, Trixie?" Fluttershy asked.
"I think the more important question is, YOU?" Applejack enquired.
"Uh..." Trixie started sweating bullets and blinking nervously - well, blinked once, because then she said: "Nothing! Trixie was just messing with you!"
"And why would that be?" Applejack asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Well..." Trixie started, but she absent-mindily blinked and promptly fainted.
"...Brilliant!" Pinkie exclaimed. "Anyways, where's Twilight?"
The rest of the ponies in the room remembered that Twilight exsisted and started looking around for her, but stopped when they heard stuff happening in the kitchen.
"I got a bad feeling about this," Rarity commented.
Everypony peeked in the kitchen and saw Twilight, wiping crumbs from her mouth, and about ten coffee pots.
"They were all full thirty seconds ago," Twilight whispered in shock. "A... And there was... Sugar!"
"Oh, Twilight, you've gotta get used to my sleeping schedule," Pinkie chuckled with a head shake.
"Your SLEEPING SCHEDULE?!" Twilight echoed. "You gotta get your sugar consumption under control!"
"The bucket..." Pinkie reminded Twilight.
"And I used to have eleven coffee pots..." Twilight mumbled before blacking out.
==ITBOTM==
Trixie. Why were you trying to cover up the fact that we're sharing the same body?
Because Trixie noticed that there was another Twilight there.
SO?!
So don't you think they would be a little suspicious?
Hay, I'm just as confused as you are.
Trixie isn't confused. She was just pointing out the obvious.
Of course. Say, I just realized, this is the third time you've screwed me over with jewelry.
Trixie has done it three times?
Yeah. Magic Duel, this and Flying High
What did Trixie have to do with that?
No clue, but I felt like bringing it up.
Well, if it has nothing to do with anything, then don't bring it up!
Too late.
Trix- AUGH!
Stop shouting. You're giving me a headache.
==ITBOTM==
Well, Terra was at a little bit of a dead end. She had tried for the last nine minutes to get inside Canterlot Castle and it just wasn't working. She tried teleporting inside, but that had little effects. She tried "winking" inside, but she didn't know what that was. She tried showing her *ahem* showing her "marehood" to the two pegasus guards standing there, but that was embarrassing. (This would have never have happened if Discord was around) So there she was, trying to think of another way in there. But, while she was doing so, she got a text.
"The buck...?" Terra mumbled, pulling a phone out of nowhere. "Uhrm..." She fumbled with it for a few seconds before opening the text, which read: "Hey! U gonna 2 upgrd 2 alicrn twilite to kp up wit teh timez?"
Now, naturally, Terra was not up to date with her modern lingo, so that naturally confused her. However, after a few seconds, she managed to do a rough translation and decipher that this body was supposed to be an alicorn!
Even better! Terra thought gleefully before replying, "Of course! Give'em to me!"
"Hey, Twilight, why are you here?" came a voice from behind Terra. "Gonna try to protest the princess again? Look, that doesn't work!"
Terra turned around at the voice, saw that it was Spike (not that she knew) and screamed, "Zoinks! A d-dragon!" She then almost ran straight into the rock in front of her, but she stopped "Heh, you thought I was gonna go head-first into that, right? Well, you're wrong!" Terra said to Spike before running in a different direction... And straight into a tree.
"...Yo, guards, ya might wanna do something about this!" Spike
called over to the guards.
"Right, right," the first guard, Electric Salt, said, coming
over.
"Say, what are you doing here, Spike?" the second guard, who shall remain nameless, asked.
"Royal Plot Convenience," Spike responded in a simple manner.
"Story based?"
"No, it's just that the princess's plot is really convenient," Spike explained before going on his way.
The second guard stared after Spike. "Is... Is he going to rape Celestia?"
"Well, I got a heavy feeling that some kinda fanfiction's going down in PonyVille, so anything to keep him out of that story, I guess," Salt grumbled. He was trying to pick Twilight up, which wasn't that easy. You probably thought that it was, but, really, it isn't.
Meanwhile, you're probably wondering where Scootaloo is. Well, to answer that question, she's in the amulet. Yeah, Scootaloo's the real diamond filly.
HEY!!! BUCKING LISTEN TO ME!!! IS THERE ANYPONY OUT THERE?!?! Scootaloo cried. Tragically, it came out only as a mental whisper, only listenable to the pony who said it, but so quiet she couldn't really do that anyways. Oh, Faust, they're being really ignorant. And that one's too skinny to have this job. What's his name?... Oh, who cares? And there's something wrong with Twilight, me notice. I mean, she's still insanely ranting to herself, like I'm doing right now, but she's not just going on about the princess. What a relief. Instead, I think she said something about Discord. I don't think I was listening... And I just noticed. I have no mouth and I must scream. Odd. Anyways, SPIIIKE!!!
==ITBOTM==
"W... Woah... What a dream," Twilight mumbled, finally waking up.
"How long was I out?"
"You were out?!" came Rarity's (technically Applejack's) voice. "From the way you were running, I'd swear you were on a sugar high! So, basically, normal Pinkie."
"Wha-" Twilight began, but then noticed something very important. She was on the roof of Carousel Boutique. "GAH!!! WHAT HAPPENED?!"
"Well, we saw you get off the floor..." Applejack began.
"Scream 'Give me fuel, give me fire, give me that which I desire'..." Rarity continued.
"Ah, um... Then we spent the next t-ten minutes looking f-f-for you," Fluttershy finished with a stammer.
"Wow..." Twilight mumbled, amazed and shaking a little under violently. "I'm surprised this body could get this far in that little time."
"And do all that," Pinkie added, pointing at a large amount of destruction behind her.
Twilight gulped when she saw that. Did she do all that? Well, considering what Twilight already knew about Pinkie's mysterious powers, it shouldn't have been that big of a surprise.
Dash looked at Rarity (or at least in the direction she (Rainbow Dash) thought she (Rarity) was), who was in her AMAZINGLY AWESOME BOD, and said, "Well, I think it's about time you flew up there and got her. Wouldn't you agree?"
"Fly?!" Rarity repeated. "Um... No. This may be your body, but as long as my mind occupies it, there shall be no flying from you!"
"Hey, it's exactly the same as that time you almost upstaged me in Cloudsdale," Rainbow pointed out.
"So you're saying that magic wings are the same thing as real wings?" Rarity asked.
"NO!!!" Rainbow exclaimed sarcastically. "I'M SAYING MAGIC WINGS AND THE IRON MAIDENS ARE ONE IN THE SAME!!!... Speaking of which, if you touch even one of my Iron Maidens albums, you're dead to me."
"That's an awfully big threat coming from such a little pony," Rarity commented.
"ARE YOU CALLING ME SHORT?!" Rainbow snapped.
"Well, that goes without saying," Rarity muttered. "I mean, you are in Scootaloo's body, after all. Speak of the daredevil, where is she? I haven't-"
"WOULD YOU TWO STOP ARGUING AND GET ME DOWN!?" Twilight shouted. "MY... Err, PINKIE'S HOOVES ARE HURTING!"
Pinkie then trotted up and said with a yawn, "Yeah, you should totally go up there and get Twinkie. Seems to be in a bit of a sticky wicket."
"Hold on a sec, I'm in the middle of something," Rarity told Pinkie before turning back to Rainbow Dash. "Anyways, I haven't seen hide or mind of Scootaloo. Are you sure you're not concerned or something? I mean, you did adopt her, technically."
"But I'm basically her now," Rainbow argued, "and who says she can't say a few bad words about herself?"
"So, by your logic, you have self-esteem problems?" Rarity suggested.
"Wha- NO!" Rainbow shouted. "My problem is that YOU'RE in ME! You hear how wrong that sounds?!"
"Well, when you say it-" Rarity started, but then Pink-
"I got Twilight!" Pinkie said happily, hovering a few inches above the ground with Twilight over her shoulder.
"Hey! I could have gotten that!" Rarity whined, making Rainbow facehoof.
"Then prove it!" Pinkie said, throwing Twilight back onto the roof. Somehow, it made Twilight go back to exactly where she was before, if only a few molecules off.
"FAUST DAMN IT!" was Twilight's reaction.
Rarity groaned and said, "Fine! I'll go up and get her, but I'm not flying."
"You're a disgrace to the Rainbow Dash™ name and I hate you," Rainbow spat.
Ignoring Rainbow's little remark, Rarity thought about her plan of attack. Flying was, naturally, out of the question, since magic wings and real wings were so different. Then, Rarity remembered a trap door she had installed in her attic that lead to roof where Twilight was. Yeah. Rarity had since forgotten why she did that, but it seemed to come in handy now. So Rarity went forward and right into her front door.
"I'm not even in my body and I could feel that," Rainbow commented.
"The pain?" Applejack asked.
"No, the embarrassment," Rainbow corrected Applejack before crying, "MY REPUTATION IS OVER!!!"
"Well, excuse me for forgetting that I have magic," Rarity snapped. She then opened the door manually and quickly made her up to the roof, where she popped out covered in dust, cobwebs and a couple G3 stickers. "OK, no need to worry, here I- where are you?"
"Oh, I found a way to open that trap door," Twilight said from behind Rarity. "I'm sorry if you really did want to get me off the roof, but...
"It's... Am I really a disgrace to the Rainbow Dash name?"
"I can't say." Twilight shrugged and went off.
Then, below, Applejack realized something. "Twinkie Pie?"
"Yeah, I tried to come up with alternate names for us while we're like this, but I couldn't think of anything," Pinkie explained, "so I just went online and looked up all the shipping names I could! Like, for example, I could be Flutterpie or Pinkie Shy a-and Rarity could be-"
"That has got to be the dumbest thing ever," Applejack deadpanned. "So forget bucking calling me anything."
"What? You don't like Rarijack?" Pinkie laughed.
"...Really?"
"Yeah," Pinkie Pie confirmed, "you just take the first four or three letters of your name and combine it with the last four or three letters of the other pony's name. For example: Rainaloo!"
"OH HAAAAAAAAAAY NO!" Rainbow yelled.
==ITBOTM==
When Twilight finally woke up, it was because Nyx was poking her and saying, "Trixie? You've been asleep for a while now."
"I... I'm fine," Twilight mumbled, getting up off the floor. "Wait, did you call me Trixie?"
"Of course," Nyx replied with a nod. "Why aren't you speaking in the third person? And why do you sound like Twilight?"
"I've always sounded like myself!" Twilight snapped.
"You're confusing me!" Nyx exclaimed.
"This is pretty simple!" Twilight said. "What part aren't you getting?"
Here's the part Trixie's not getting: YOU BUCKING FORGET ALREADY?!
At the sound of that voice, where ever it came from, Twilight jumped about a foot in the air.
"Where the buck...?" Twilight began, but was too busy looking around.
"Where the what, Trixie?"
"I'm not Trixie!" Twilight reminded Nyx.
Trixie means you really already forget? Trixie enquired, sounding annoyed. You were knocked out for... How long were you knocked out? But still, buck the bucking WHAT?!
"Trixie, where are you bucking talking from?! Twilight demanded, but blinked in the middle of her sentence.
"Ah, this is better," Trixie sighed in relief. "Don't worry, Nyx, all will explained in fair time. But first, tell Trixie how long she was knocked out for."
"About f-fifteen minutes," Nyx stammered. You have no idea how confused she was.
"Mm-hmm," Trixie nodded, rubbing her chin. "And where are the others?"
"Well, Pinkie was knocked out on the floor," Nyx explained, "but then yelled something and ran away. Everypony went after her then.. E-except for Scootaloo. She kept bumping into walls and complaining about not being able to see or something. I dunno."
"Interesting..." Trixie muttered. "Um, hay, could you hold on a sec, Trixie has to shut the voice in her head up."
"...I NEED AN ADULT!"
"Well, too bad, you got Trixie, now shut up," Trixie told Nyx before turning away. Twilight, would stop rambling or whatever? You're giving Trixie a migraine!
I'm sorry, it's just... HOW?! Twilight shouted, loud enough to cause Trixie to wince.
It's been 15 minutes! Trixie cried. How the buck did you forget already?!
Hay! I-I can, alright?... Twilight mumbled defensively.
"Nyx, tell Trixie if you can forget something in 15 minutes," Trixie said aloud.
"I forgot, why were you standing there in silence?" Nyx asked with a sheepish smile.
Trixie groaned in frustration and said to both Nyx and Twilight, "Trixie is gonna let Twilight speak to you now, Nyx. Nyx, tell Twilight that we are occupying the same body." She then blinked and very panicked look crossed the blue mare's face.
"Um... You and Trixie are-"
"Don't tell anypony!" Twilight interrupted Nyx, sweating bullets.
Twilight! You're making Trixie look disgusting! Trixie complained.
"Shut up!" Twilight barked, looking off to her left. "If the princess finds out about this, I'm sunk!"
...Honestly! Trixie shouted.
After a couple more minutes of bickering between Twilight and Trixie, intermixed with Trixie trying to explain to Nyx about what was going on, they finally came up with some things. Twilight deduced that when they blink, they switch. Trixie came to the conclusion that Twilight was being too obvious. So, after a little more conversation, they came with terms for this. For example, the pony in front was the "Driver". Trixie tried to get it to change, but Twilight was assistant because Trixie was acting like she was in the backseat. Funny enough, it was Nyx who came up with the term for what this state should be: "MMORPG", short for "Multiple Mentality Or Random Pairing Giver". Neither of them liked what the acronym was, but they both got a little sick of arguing and just went along with it.
Wait, Trixie needs to check something, Trixie said out of the blue. Twilight, blink her over.
"Awe!" Twilight whined. "But I haven't finished explaining to Nyx something a whole lot simpiler then keeping track of who's who in this story!"
And that would be...?
"Cold fusion!"
Twilight, it isn't that hard. And think when you're talking to Trixie.
Right, right.
"Also, thanks for switching Trixie over!" Trixie chuckled, going over to the book shelf. "Now-"
Buck!
Quit shouting in Trixie's head! Trixie demanded Twilight. "Now! Where are the books on mind spells?"
Twilight was quite for a moment for saying, Take two steps to your left. Take a book out, put it back, spin the shelf around a few times, take another book, take a book out of that book, put it back, spin the shelf around a few more times and then get that book right in front of your mother-bucking face! See, this is why I should be driving! You don't even have a license!
Trixie grunted again and picked out the book right in front of her, helpfully labeled "Mindful Mind Spells For The Mindless Mind Lover". She then, obviously, opened it and read a few pages.
FAUST DAMN IT, YOU READ TOO SLOW! Twilight cried.
"Well excuse me, Princess," Trixie murmured.
==ITBOTM==
Meanwhile, Bonbon realized that her (Lyra's) legs were fine. "Well, I can stand!" she remarked cheerily before sitting back on the bench in her normal before finding it extremely uncomfortable.
Then Lyra came back, in a wheelchair.
"So you broke your legs?" Bonbon chuckled. "Or, in a sense, my legs?... You b!tch."
"I forget how the exercise machine worked," Lyra admitted. "And stop sitting like that! My body can't handle it!"
"I guess doing this should be revenge for that," Bonbon said with a smirk.
"Shut up," Lyra grumbled. "I can already feel my bone structure rearranging itself."
"And, y'know, now that I think about, you do need a diet," Bonbon mused, rubbing her chin. "Now that I've layed down like this for a couple dozen seconds, I can feel how fat you are."
"I'm in a wheelchair," Lyra said defensively. "I can't do much in a wheelchair."
"Yeah, and now you can fatten my body up," Bonbon said. "Come on, both us are going on a d-i-e-t diet."
"How the buck am I going to diet on in a wheelchair?" Lyra asked.
"..."
"Wait..."
"Mm-hm, yeah, I thought as much," Bonbon said with a nod before getting up and going off.
"So, what, we starve ourselves?" Lyra enquired, wheeling after *ahem* 'Lyra'.
"You can do that if you like; I'm fine," Bonbon told Lyra. "You, on the other hoof, need some extreme healthy eating and work-outs. That's right, I'm calling Weight Watchers."
"So I can guess that this will have no effect on the overall plot," Lyra stated.
"No, I think your plot will be pretty damn fine by the end of this," Bonbon said, shaking said end.
==ITBOTM==
Anyways, moving back to the figurative plot, Rarity and Twilight finally came down from the attic.
"So how's it been hanging, Rainity?" Pinkie asked all smooth like, hoofing Rarity a mug.
"I've been thinking that name is ridiculous," Rarity replied, taking the cup and sipping daintily from it. Rainbow Dash was banging her head against a wall, by the wall.
"Thank Faust I'm not the only one," Applejack sighed in relief.
"Yes, and if you call me that ever again, consider yourself dead, darling," Rarity continued, still speaking in a polite matter.
Pinkie's eyes spread apart a little, then snapped back together. "Okie-dokie-lokie!"
"Hey, hey, Dashie, we need ya, bud." Suddenly, two pegasi flew down in front of the group.
"My... Err, Rarity's ceiling!" Rarity exclaimed. Indeed, the duo had gone through the roof.
"It doesn't matter," the second pegasus, Dance "Synth" Pop", assured Rarity. "Anyways, we got this major weather thing coming up and we seriously need your help."
Rarity's pupils dilated then. "The... Weather?"
"Of course!" the first pegasus, Wild Blue Yonder, answered.
Rarity just stared blankly ahead, having horrible flashbacks to Magical Mystery Cure.
"Buck, I just realized my situation, too," Applejack murmured, looking down and to the left.
"Um, she can't!" Rainbow Dash suddenly yelled, grabbing onto Rarity. "She's sick, very, VERY sick! Can't you see it in her eyes?! She looks awful! Bound to make a few weather-based mistakes in state! Leave her to wallow in her sickness and bastardizing of her name!"
"Um, for one, Scootaloo, I'm a damn good medic, so I can see she's fine," Wild Blue told Rainbow. "And second, are you blind or something? 'Cause that's Rarity."
"Oh." Rainbow smiled sheepishly before letting go of Applejack and backing away a little. "Sorry."
"'Tis OK, sugarcube," Applejack said.
"Sugarcube?" Wild Blue repeated.
"Who cares 'bout that?" Synth asked. "Could you imagine Rarity on the weather team?"
"Actually, I could," Wild Blue answered in a frustrated manner. "And I swear to bucking Tatarus, if I ever see her near a cloud ever again, I'm going to go all Rainbow Factory on her @$$."
"I thought I did the Rainbow Factory thing!" Synth stated.
"L-look, darlings, I know you want me to help you," Rarity stammered, scared for her life, "but I have other very important things to attend to. Like... Like those rainbow or dashing based things I normally do on a regular basis."
"Yeah, pardners, she has more important things to do," Applejack cut in, somehow forgetting who she was. "So ah'd suggest y'all get out of here."
"I concur," Rarity said with an overly British accent. "In fact, dears, I do think Scootloo here is absoutely correct. I should be getting some medical attention, maybe from Twilight. The darling could surely help me get over my ailments, whatever they may be."
"Say, you sound a lot like Rarity," Synth pointed out.
"Well, to explain that, just imagine a bucket overflowing and the world exploding!" Pinkie Pie explained, adding in sound effects and motions for extra effect.
"I can tell you ten seconds flat that your metaphor right there is 20% more awful," Rainbow remarked flatly.
"Honestly couldn't agree with you more," Twilight agreed with a nod. "But you don't really need to use your fancy mathematics or whatever it is Applejack says."
Applejack then stood up and growled, "That's my line. And buck you, I can do all this math!!!"
"Of all the times I wish that tree thing was true," Fluttershy mumbled.
Rarity then did her trademark laugh and said, "Dearie, you know that meme will never happen."
"Shut up, you marshmallow!" Rainbow snapped.
"This is just opinion, but I think you all need help," Wild Blue commented flatly before flying off.
Synth started to leave, but looked back at the group.
"...Nazis, I guess!" Pinkie cried, leading Fluttershy to facehoof (softly).
Synth rolled her eyes and then officially flew away. When she was gone, Rainbow shot Rarity a dirty look and said: "You had... You... YOU HAD ONE BUCKING JOB!!! ONE BUCKING JOB!!!"
"Well, I tried," Rarity said simply, fluffing her short, spiky, unkept rainbow mane. "By the way, I'm so giving you a make-over or something, I dunno."
Rainbow started to cry uncontrollably at that point.
"It could be worse," Fluttershy tried to reassure Dashie. "There could be a sequel to the Rainbow Factory... Oh wait..."
Rainbow then started crying even harder.
==ITBOTM==
"OK, to explain what Trixie has been doing, Twilight," Trixie began, throwing in a growl when she said her mental partner's name, "she's been looking for a spell that could possibly reverse all this."
"And?!" Nyx and Twilight said at the same time.
"...Trixie gots nothing," Trixie admitted, hanging her head in shame.
So you spent all that time reading faster then me for nothing?!
Would you bucking give that up?! Trixie enquired. Look, Trixie's sorry she's a different pony then you, alright?! And besides, this would have gone faster if you didn't start reading lightyears faster every time Trixie blinked out of necessity! Like most other ponies, Trixie does need moisture in her eyes!... Technically yours... But Trixie's point still stands!
I- You- Urgh... Twilight was getting a little more frustrated. Look, just let me- HRNK!!!
"Twilight just made a 'hrnk' noise," Trixie told Nyx. "What does that mean?"
"Princess," Nyx explained. As you can see, while Trixie was trying to find a spell to switch them, she sometimes had to ask Nyx about various things Twilight did.
"Really? The princess?" Trixie asked, confused.
Yes, the bucking princess, Twilight mumbled. Now blink me over and let me talk to Nyx. She can write it
Why Nyx? Trixie enquired.
I... I never learned how to write letters, Twilight admitted. I learned how to write everything else, just not letters.
"Nyx, do you know how to write a letter?" Trixie asked in a half-bored, half-annoyed way.
"Um... I guess?" Nyx offered.
"Fine!" Trixie exclaimed, making Nyx take a step back. "Trixie's going to let Twilight talk to you, Nyx. She wants you to write a letter to the princess, so do so." She then blinked and Twilight.
"...Is this Twilight?" Nyx asked.
"Speaking," Twilight replied.
"Ooooo, this is so weird!" Nyx cried. "I-I mean, it could be worse, b-but you get my point!"
"Whatever," Twilight said with an eyeroll. "Anyways, get some parchment and take a letter to the princess." Nyx nodded and did so. "So take this down. 'Dear Princess Celestia... Due to recent events involving Amanezon, which I now think is a horrible website, Trixie might be staying at my place a long then planned.'"
"Dear..." Nyx mumbled, squinting at the page. "D... Dear..."
Is that for real? Trixie sighed.
"You know how to spell that word, Nyx," Twilight told her adopted daughter. "It's dee-eee-aay-arr."
"I know," Nyx admitted, "I was just trying to be accurate with this because Spike always has trouble spelling words and, well, that means I need to try not to know how to spell words."
"Accuracy is not measured by your inability to spell words," Twilight explained. "Now as I was saying, 'In case you're wondering why Trixie's here, it's because she worked at Amanezon. We seem to be s...'"
"S... What?" Nyx asked.
Just say it, Trixie instructed Twilight.
I kinda don't want to, Twilight admitted. I mean, you saw it! My body is still active! How would that be explained?!
Trixie... Trixie mentally sighed before saying, Look, just say that we're sharing the same body and that your's seems to have a mind of it's own for some reason.
Of course it has a mind of its own! Twilight said. A body has to have a mind to move, doesn't it?
Just say it! Trixie yelled, trying her hardest to sound loud.
"Alright!" Twilight said aloud before telling Nyx what Trixie told her to say and finished off the letter, Trixie occasionally taking control and adding her own thoughts, only stopping because Twilight wouldn't stop screaming about it.
"Is that all?" Nyx asked, doing a fancy signature.
"I think Trixie wants to say something meaningful this time," Twilight answered. Do you?
Eh, why not? Trixie will throw her two cents, Trixie replied, Twilight blinking her over. "Trixie is speaking. Now take this down." Nyx nodded and got her quill ready. Trixie thought for a couple seconds before saying, "This b!tch be crazy!... And that's it."
Trixie! You shouldn't be saying such foul language around a foal! Twilight gasped.
Considering these stories... Trixie started, but stopped because the joke would be too obvious. "Anyways, you can send it Nyx."
Nyx nodded enthusiastically and tried blowing on it, but nothing happened. So she just MAGICK'd it to the princess.
So where's Trixie going to sleep? Trixie enquired Twilight.
Not in my bed! Twilight cried.
What? Why?!
My body might come back at some point! Twilight explained matter-of-factly.
So, what? Trixie just sleeps in the closet?
No! I keep all my Rainbow Dash fanfiction there! Do you really want to sleep under a big pile of gay?
Trixie guesses- WAIT, WHAT ABOUT RAINBOW?
Look, just MAGICK your stage coach here and sleep in there.
And what? Make it look like Trixie is going to do another show here? No thanks!
If you won't do it... I will! Switch me over!
Fine. Trixie then blinked, letting Twilight switch over. By the way, can you check if Trixie's eye color changes when we switch? Just curious.
We can check that when I get your stage coach here! Twilight then charged up Trixie's horn and it promptly blew up in her face.
HAH!
"Trixie, what happened?" Nyx asked, worried.
"This is Twilight," Twilight coughed.
"Argh! Tell me when you switch!" Nyx shouted. She then decided to go elsewhere and she did, storming off.
Trixie... Trixie knew you wouldn't know how to use her horn! Trixie said, laughing her flank off.
It wasn't that funny! Twilight whined. I... You do it!
They switched again and Trixie started chuckling out loud. "Fine, alright, she'll show you how to do it right," she said. She concentrated a little and telepor'd up to Twilight's bedroom. "See? Simple!"
If it's so simple, then explain it.
"Well, imagine that Trixie's a bucket with a hole in it-"
"Hey, Trixie, ya here?!" came a voice Twilight dreaded from downstairs. "We finally got Twilight and we wanted to know if you got over that blinking thing!"
AAAHHH!!! Twilight screamed. NOT PINKIE!!! ANYTHING BUT BUCKING PINKIE!!
"Twilight, you're giving Trixie a migraine again!" Trixie told Twilight.
===ITBOTM===
"Ugh... My femur..." Terra groaned as she finally awoke, her eyes cracking open like eggs. "What... What's going on?..." Let's see... White walls, white floor, white bed, white window, white wedding going on outside for some reason (must be Discord), white flowers, pink eyes... There's no nurse complaining about her life, so I guess this is alright. My head kind hurt- Wait, pink eye?
"Yo, Twilight, you alright or something?" Celestia asked, looking only half concerned. "I mean, running into a tree is not that different from a rock. You know that, right?"
Terra was quiet for a moment for realizing who this was. "'Tia?" she asked, astounded.
"Um... I guess if you wanna call me that," Celestia murmured awkwardly.
"I-it's been so long!" Terra continued.
"Two days," Celestia pointed out.
"A... And did you put on weight or something?" Terra asked, eying the princess's body. "I told you those bananas would do nothing but bad for you, but NOOOOOOO, they were so good, apparently!"
"Hey!" Celestia snapped. "I know you got hurt and all, but buck that! You do NOT criticize my favorite food! Nurse, doctor, get your plots outta here, Twilight and I gotta have a private talk about talking smack about my favorite food!"
The nurse and doctor exchanged glances, shrugged and went out of the room they were in, which was room 120, by the way.
"Tell, me, Twilight, has brought upon this rude behavior?" Celestia demanded.
"First tell me where Discord is," Terra replied, folding her forehooves.
"He's doing some kind of fanfiction somewhere," Celestia answered quickly. "Now, anyways, bananas. WHY?!"
"So even after I insult your weight and bring up the Discord thing, you still don't recognize me?" Terra asked, annoyed.
"Uh... You're Twilight, I think," Celestia muttered. "Unless, of course, I could be mistaking you for that dog from Littlest Pet Shop. What was her name? Zoe?"
Terra was dumbfound. "I'm... I'm Terra!"
"Who?" Celestia was confused now.
"Terra. Terra Nova?" Terra tried.
"Now I know you have brain damage," Celestia confirmed.
Terra groaned, having to already use her last resort: "Nova the Terra-ble?"
Celestia blinked. "Oh yeah!" she exclaimed. "I know you! You're Terra Nova! You were Equestria's only OC princess! Where you been, girl?"
"Encased in a jewel," Terra spat.
"That's awkward!" Celestia said, rubbing the back of her head in embarrassment.
"Speaking of which, where is it?" Terra asked, looking around.
"I have no idea. That's why I don't believe you."
"Damn it, sis!" Terra cried. "Of all the things that could-"
"Hey, I just remembered, we're not on any good terms," Celestia cut in.
"Look, I know I joined sides with Discord a long time ago, but he offered me chocolate rain and it was too god to resist!"
"I know; It was hard for me to resist, too. But still."
"Yeah... Then the bucker turned on me and trapped me in that pendant. Not even a good one! One of those cheap, plastic ones you can get at the thrift shop."
"Well, can't win 'em all. Where's Twilight?"
"Hmm, brainy type? Curious and likes asking questions?"
"Ehhh, I would have said completely insane, stammering, always criticizing something... Y'know, that's why I didn't know it as you at first, Twilight has, at this point, pointed out all of the flaws in me and their mother's father's sister's brothers. So, anywho, where is she?"
"I think in this pink pony."
Celestia raised an eye(brow). "Pinkie? Then we're all doomed."
"But then I also think I heard her in this blue pony." Terra shrugged. "Didn't really catch her name, though."
"Huh. So if Twilight's in Pinkie and... Whoever this blue pony is, where the buck is Pinkie... Or whoever the this blue pony is."
"Probably in the pendant."
"Well, that's good to know." Celestia nodded, looking off to the right. "Where is it?"
"I told you. I don't know."
"Where did you last have? Remember, you gotta go back, go back, go ba-"
"Don't bring up that Blue's Clues $#!t around me. Anyways, there was this dragon-"
"You're still scared of dragons?! Gah, you and Amber both..."
"B-b-but he was purple! And small!"
"Yeah, that's how dragons pretty much are today," Celestia stated. "Not really scary as much as civil."
"So you're saying they don't eat villages whole?"
"I'd say nowadays they're less like Trogdor and more like Barney."
"Wow. A bunch of stuff has changed in the time I was gone, hasn't it?"
"If you count 27,838 years as a long time."
"Woah. That long?"
"I'm just joshing ya. You've only been gone since 1998."
"1998?"
"B.C.E., actually"
"Oh."
"Yeah, and in that time, Luna and I turned Discord into stone," Celestia explained. "Then he escaped, was put back, then was reformed. You got a lot of catching up to do. Luckily for you, I TiVo'd I Love Lucy."
"Wait! All it took to defeat him was to put him a cement mixer?" Terra gasped in shock. "How come I never bucking thought of that?!... By the way, just curious... am I still a princess?"
"I said 'You WERE Equestria's only OC princess'. You betrayed the Elements Of Harmony and that is inexcusable. The only thing worse is making yet another Cupcakes spin-off."
"Cupcakes? I mean, I know what a thrift shop is, but... Really?! 3,000 years in a rock isn't enough to undo whatever I may or may not have done? And, not only that, I was in a necklace for all that time, too!?"
"Yeah, it must've sucked being in there... Y'know, not that I think about it, I might be able to remove that traitor's band from you if I can find a way to reverse this and get the pendant back."
"So I can sit on my flank and do nothing and still be considered a hero? Sweet! But that thing that isn't sweet is that I might have to go back into the pendant... Never blinking... Never sleeping... Always looking."
"As I said, it must suck," Celesita said in a bored manner. "Hey, look a letter from Twilight. I wonder what she has to say... Oh..."
Anyways, let's check in on Scootaloo.
Faust, this guy needs to shave or something, Scootaloo commented, not that anypony could hear her. For you see, the royal guard for a couple dozen paragraphs ago was looking at the pendant Scootaloo was in, really considering whether or not he should steal it. And it looks like he hasn't slept in days. Goodness! And... NONONONONONONO, NOT THE LOST AND- found. Damn it. This place looks awful. I mean, this is fine, but going by Lost And Found standards, this could be better. And I bet myself anything that the guard that dropped me in here is one hour away from retirement... Why am I talking to myself? Oh, yeah, so I don't go crazy. Which reminds me, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-
Meanwhile, back with Celestia and Terra, Celestia finished off her letter and remarked, "That was boring. Anyways, you got any ideas about how to find the amulet?"
"What?!" Terra exclaimed. "I thought you were going to do all the hard work!"
"You should have been here a little while ago," Celestia chuckled.
"I couldn't have been," Terra snarled.
"Well, anyways, how's about a locator spell?"
"Can't. That pendant was the single reason why you couldn't find me. Of course, you could have LOOKED HARDER, but that's besides the point."
"Yeah, I remember now. Sure, you were on sale, but that other necklace looked so much better! Still got it, in fact. It's the Element of Magic now."
"..." Terra said nothing. She only hung her head in deep shame.
"I... I don't think a funny spin can be put on this. Look, Terra, I'm still very angry at you for what you did. But maybe I can forgive you, 'cause you do look kinda sorry. Now that's a maybe, Terra, you remember that. Besides, you were bad. You were very bad. Bad to the bone. The whole world had to answer right now just to tell you once again who's bad. Even worse, in fact! You acted like a complete jerk to this world our mother, Lauren Faust, spent a long time on before ditching us to go do something else entirely." Celestia awkwardly side-hugged Terra. "Now, first off all, we're going back to PonyVille so you can apologize to Twilight and whoever this blue pony is for what you've done. You're lucky I don't put you in time out. And, believe me, once we find a way to reverse what you've caused, missy, you're going to."
"Yeah... I-I guess I should be imprisoned for my horrible crimes against pony-nature."
"Oh, dear Terra, let me tell you a little story called Past Sins..."
===ITBOTM===
"...How the buck did I get here?" Mary wondered aloud. She was suddenly in Manehatten and felt a lot smaller then normal.
Author's Note
Well, that took five days. I hope it was worth the wait, 'cause I have no idea. Maybe you like to sit through 7,000 words of my horrible jokes. And this may not be as funny as the last chapter, but...
Anyways, I might be starting this soon, so I feel like I need to show you it. So behold! The horror that is! The cover to my maybe magnum opus!
And human Twilight's skin will not be lavender!
