Friendship is Magic, Squidward.
Friendship is Magic, Squidward.
“Eugh, what is that thing?”
“I don’t know, darling, but it’s positively atrocious!”
“Umm... I think we should help it... If that’s alright with you, girls.”
“I know! We should throw it a party!”
“Pinkie Pie, you are so random!”
“Ah reckon it looks a bit like that fancy sea food that Big Macintosh uses as fertilizer, but bigger.”
“Let’s be rational, girls. This isn’t fancy fertilizer. Look, it’s waking up.”
As Squidward slowly opened his eyes, he saw that he was surrounded by the curious faces of six colorful horses and one purple dragon. His eyes shot open in alarm as he crawled backwards as fast as he could.
“Wh-who are you? WHAT are you? Where am I?” Squidward’s panicked reactions caused his onlookers to take a step back. His enormously dilated pupils darted around in his head, looking in vain for an escape.
One of the horses, purple with what appeared to be a horn, stepped forward. “Well, I’m Twilight Sparkle, and these are my friends, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Applejack, and Spike,” she said, pointing out each one in turn. “We’re ponies, and you’re in the beautiful domain of Princess Celestia, Equestria!”
“Really?” Squidward’s expression changed to one of boredom. “I’m stuck in some crazy place with some insane tyrant princess, surrounded by little neon horses. Just great.”
“What was that, darling? You were mumbling.”
“Oh, nothing.” Squidward replied. “There’s nothing I’d love better than being in the situation I’m in right now.” He glanced to his right, noticing that the little purple dragon was slowly inching closer to him.
“Great!” exclaimed the purple pony, Twilight Sparkle. “Would you mind telling us what exactly you are, Mister, umm... Squidward?”
Squidward raised an eyebrow. “Hey, how did you know my-- Oh.” He stopped as he noticed that he was still wearing his Krusty Krab name tag.
“Spike, no poking!” Twilight yelled, just in time to keep the little dragon from prodding at Squidward’s bulbous nose. “So, Mister Squidward, what are you?”
He put on his best sarcastic face, leaned in close to Twilight and said, “You know, I’m really not quite sure. My name sure isn’t a dead giveaway at all.” Under his breath, he added, “Morons.”
A pink pony, who looked entirely too excited to see him, immediately began bouncing up and down in ways that didn’t seem possible for the pony anatomy. “Oh! Oh! I know! Are you an octopus?”
Squidward just stared at her. Then he sighed, as if giving up. “Whatever.”
“Well, Squidward the Octopus, I’d like to be the first to welcome you to the glorious town of Ponyville!” said Twilight Sparkle. “I’m sure you’ll find that everypony in town is very pleasant, and that they’d all love to be your friend!”
“That’s great,” said Squidward flatly. “And I hate all of you.”
A dread hush fell upon the small gathering. For a moment, none of the ponies could say a word, until...
“I-I-I’m sure y-you don’t mean that... D-Do you?” a soft-spoken yellow pony asked.
“Ehhh, yep. I do,” Squidward answered. A prissy-looking white pony swooned.
“But Mister Squidward!” began Twilight Sparkle. “Friendship is magic! With friends, anything is possible! We took down Nightmare Moon, Discord, and even a stuck-up magician with the power of friendship! We couldn’t have saved Ponyville if we weren’t friends!”
“That’s nice, but I don’t need friendship,” Squidward stood up and began pushing his way through the ponies.
“Hey, wait a minute!” shouted Pinkie. “If you’re an octopus, how can you breathe out of water?”
The group stared at each other.
__________________________________________________________________________
The funeral was a simple affair. A crude, wooden coffin, holding within its deathly grasp the pale green body of a once-cruel and angry cephalopod, was slowly lowered into a hole by Rarity. As it settled at the bottom, Twilight replaced the dirt in the hole, and Spike stood up to say a few words.
“Well, I dunno how he got here, but remember, girls, we must NEVER speak of this again.”
