The beginning of uselessnes: part one
Once upon a time, there were two horses that ruled a monarchy. Don't ask whose idea that was. The eldest, Toot, turned on the light-switch on every morning to make sure everyone woke up and do their jobs to keep the economy going. The other, Poot, turned the light-switch off. Then she got all pissed because everyone went to sleep. (Obviously, this was the time before nightclubs and one-night-stands were invented.) So, she decided to transform herself into the evil SILENT BUT DEADLY!!! But because everyone complained about the smell, Poot committed the ultimate crime, #Cutforbeiber. So Toot threw a total hissy fit and sent her to Uranus. And on the Two-hundred and Forty-eighth Leap year, she will get pooped out an join us all in this giant toilet bowl of a town we call New Pony-scisco.
The purple, socially awkward unicorn reading the dirty magazine stopped.
"Hey," She said, taking her hand out of her bag of popcorn for a moment to talk to the creepy guy in the van, "Who the poop are you and why are you telling me this?"
The old guy laughed and drove off, having the words Free Candy blur as he sped off down the one-way street. She shrugged and watched him go. It didn't matter, he could never have her looks. She massaged her pimply face and folded up the magazine, having enough time to whack some pigeons before she left. She headed down the street as fast as her skinny legs could carry her.
"Hey," Came a voice, "It's me! wanna go to the party to-"
She turned and he stopped. It was Biggus Dickus, the foreign guy who was super popular! Morning Dullness blushed.
"Why, yes, I would love to..."
"No, I thought you were someone else." he said.
"Oh." she said, having all the blush fly from her face and into her feet. They were now bright red and puffy. It didn't flatter her.
"It was just that...from behind..." He tried to find an excuse for staring at some random person's ass.
"No, no, a lot of people mistake me for someone else." She replied, crumpling the magazine.
"Uhm," he paused, then dashed
