Of Ponies and Muffins

Chapter 1: Of explosions and wormholes

        Well. Where to begin? Should we start from the beginning of the day from when Cameron’s toaster spontaneously combusted? Or possibly from Alex’s computer deciding to crash and make him lose about 3 hours of work, an hour before it was due? Everything up until the tear in the fabric of space and time that essentially ripped both of them to atoms and then reassembled them would be pretty boring, to your average reader. Both of them had been having a rubbish day filled with catastrophic problems, and each had to deal with them on their own accords.

Cameron was more of the bookish type who listened to a mix of classical, dubstep and rock music. He constantly had to deal with a voice in his head that had managed to gain its own awareness that he had decided to name “Brian” and more often than not had to fix whatever the situation that Alex had gotten himself into. Alex was more of the guy who would likely press the shiny red button that would blow up the world, just because someone said not to press it. He was the guy who would listen to techno, pop and the occasional folk song.

Now, as I said they had both been having a pretty rubbish day, and then walking home they heard a massive detonation and ended up landing flat on their faces. When they got up to see what had happened there was a massive tear in the universe in front of them, radiating light.

“Well, thats new” Cameron said with a look of defeat in his eyes. “Am I seriously having that bad of a day that the universe itself is attempting to kill me.”

“To be fair you did kind of curse out the universe for being an indecisive bitch this morning on whether it was gonna kill you or not.” Said the ever present voice in Cameron's head, giving the snide remarks that he had to deal with day in and day out.

“Dude.... i’m going to touch it,” said Alex with the look in his eye that he got when he was about to mess with something he knew he should never even consider touching. “What's the worst that could happen?”

There were a few things that you NEVER ask, and that is somewhere up near the top of the list, just under such terms as “What could possibly go wrong?”. Alex started walking towards the rift and Cameron tried to tackle him to the side so that he wouldn't touch it, but tripped on his shoelaces and ended up tackling both of them into the rift. And they were promptly atomized, spaghettified, catapulted through space and time and then reformed about 3,567 alternate realities later. And this is the chronicles of Cameron and Alex, or as they would be come to be known, Shadow Feather and Crimson Flame.

Chapter 2: Of gateways and probes

Cameron was first aware of the fact that he seemed to be in a lot of pain, and rightfully so. The second thing to notice is that he did not feel right, as if he couldn't really stand up and that his back felt REALLY weird, as if he were pinned underneath a rock. Then he decided to open his eyes and looked down.

“OH SWEET MERCIFUL BANANAS, WHY DO I HAVE HOOVES?” He said, looking down at the new replacements that he had gotten for his ever flexible thumbs that he used every single day to deal with the world. After a few minutes of screaming he eventually calmed down and realized that he had wings now, rather than his standard muscles of his back. “Great, so now I have wings, but I don’t have fingers. So, is this good or bad?”

“Well, depends on how you look at it, you can fly now but you can’t write, draw, type or do anything that you do normally anymore.” Said Brian, “and besides, now you can fracking FLY”.

Of all the things that had to stay the same with me, I get stuck with you. If there really is something out there that controls the world, it hates me with a fiery passion that is paralleled only by the sun. Thought Cameron, realising that he had been talking out loud before.

“I love you too, honey.”

Screw off.

Cameron decided to look around where he had woken up. He was in a cave, from the look of it and could see what he assumed was the exit. He saw a large pool of to the side and decided to look at it, and hopefully himself if he could see his reflection in it. He trotted over to the pool, still not exactly comfortable with being quadrupedal and forced to walk in a completely different way. There was a significant amount of trouble with his forelegs dragging on the ground, as people did not usually walk with their hands. He looked into the pool, which looked akin to a perfect mirror and took a good look at himself. The first observation he made was that he looked like a horse, but not quite. He had a dark blue mane now and the fur on the rest of his body was a dark grey color. he now had electric blue eyes now, versus his eyes from before that were just a standard ugly brown color that he had always hated. He noticed that there was a mark on both of his sides further back on his body that looked like two crossed black feathers.

Okay, so I think i’m getting used to this now, lets see if I can fly. Cameron attempted to flap his wings a few times, noting that it felt strange, and that he felt more like he was using the wings to pull himself through the air, rather than push the air around him away from him. After a few attempts (most of which ended with a faceplant into the ground) he was able to flutter off the ground for a minute or two.

He made his way to the exit of the cave and hopefully find out what had happened to him. If nothing else he could at least figure out where on earth he was. You can almost taste the sheer amount of irony oozing out from that statement. When he got out he realised that he was in a forest and that it was a bit cold out. Alright, not unusual around his area, he must be close to home, right? He used his newly gained flying skills to fly up a bit and look around too see if he was anywhere near the edge of the forest. When he finally got above the treeline he saw that the forest was rather expansive, sprawling out for at least  a few miles in each direction. He then noticed that there was an edge the forest and that there was a town not terribly far away.

“Well. Better start walking that way if I want to get there before nightfall... Wait, why am I talking to myself?”

^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^

While Cameron was having a nice little walk and talk with himself through everfree forest, Alex was now in a bit of a predicament. Locked up in the Canterlot dungeons for breaking and entering, and coming to grips with his new body and the fact that he now had a horn. He realised that he had become a unicorn, of all things. Of course while Cameron had gotten to be thrown miles away from civilization and shoved into a cave to figure some things out, Alex wound up in the bedchambers of an all powerful deity that controlled the moon and dreams themselves. Guess who had a more interesting introduction to the new world they were trapped in?

Alex had wound up in princess Luna’s bedchambers after they fell through the rift putting him in a much more interesting setting that Cameron was. Evidently when they came through the rift there was a rather loud sound that was like an over exaggerated *pop*. Thats how he woke up Luna and got the guard to come storming in. Needless to say, he didn’t have much time to explain himself before he fell flat on his face into the ground. Alex was back to his senses faster than Cameron had been and saw himself in the mirror and made quick mental note of how he looked. He had gotten an orange coat with a bright red mane with a sort of orange-cream streak in it. He had gotten a candle with a dark red flame at the end of the wick. He now had emerald green eyes that had a surprisingly good contrast to the rest of him.

Of course, its kind of hard to admire yourself when you are surrounded by about 12 royal guards, all of whom were ready to.. deal with him if the need be. After the initial shock from 1) becoming a completely different species, 2) being threatened by several people and 3) realising he no longer had his phone on him (or any clothes for that matter) there were a few minutes of awkward silence.

“Um.... HI?” Great, i’m around for all of 30 seconds and someone already wants to arrest me. How could this get any worse? Well, little did Alex suspect that he had wound up in one of the most secure places in all of Equestria, and that was evidently a crime punishable by death. Oh, and because supposedly there was no way he could have gotten in there magically he would be brought in for... Interrogation, to put it lightly.

“Bring him to the dungeons and prepare the tools, I think somepony has some questions to answer for us” said the rather large unicorn/pegasus hybrid leaning up on her bed glaring at him with those cold, dark eyes.

Great, how could this day get any worse? I already had a terrible time with school today, why not add waking up in a foreign place and being questioned to that list. What's next, they decide to probe me so they can get a better idea of who I am?

“And prepare the probes for insertion.”

Crap.

Chapter 3: Of Shadows and Flames

Cameron got to the edge of the town, after about an hour or two's walking and tried to think how he was going to handle this. He was trapped in another world without any kind of money, food or shelter. So he did what he always did, he went to what was considered to be the firey depths of Tartarus themselves by Alex. He tried to find the library.

Please for the sake of all things sane and natural let me be able to communicate with them, He silent thought to himself as he walked through town, attempting to find somepony that could direct him to the library. Since he arrived he noticed that there were three distinct races amongst the population, he compared them to the old legends and categorized them into either pegasus (much like himself), unicorns and just standard horses. He decided against calling the unadorned species horses, less he accidentally get himself killed. He decided to talk to only other pegasi and unicorns for now. Everyone around him had vibrant coats (although a few were rather dull), he even saw a pegasus with a rainbow mane.

He finally saw somepony he thought that he hoped could direct him. His subconscious (no not Brian) had been replacing words in his mental vocabulary with other ones, like someone became somepony and for some reason it just felt natural. Had decided on asking a white unicorn with a curly purple mane, idly going about her business. “Um... Excuse me? Do you know where the nearest library in town is? I’m new around here and just want to figure out where some things are.”

“Seriously? THATS your cover story? You could have done so much better! This is why you should let me do the talking, if you did then there is a decent chance that you might actually get a girlfriend one of these days.”

Why can you not just like, die in my brain or something? Everytime I let you do something terrible things happen... I still find mash potatoes in my bedroom.

“But that was awesome! How is creating an overly powerful potato cannon not awesome?”

Because you did it three years ago. And I had to repaint the room. TWICE.

“Well darling, if you are spending your nights at that dusty old tree in town rather than with a mare such as myself, you REALLY need to get out more. How about tonight at 8?”

Oh shi.... Shes hitting on me, isn't she? And i’m scared because I don't think shes asking me. More or less the “you will go out with me or I will kill you and hang your skin up in my basement” kind of thing you only read in fiction novels.

“Well, you have to options. Read or get a..... Wait what's the correct term for this one? I think this is the first time I have ever been at a loss for words. But yeah, just back away slowly and hopefully you will never have to deal with her again. Its not like we're going to be dealing with the same people for the next few weeks, right?”

“Uh... Thank you for the offer Miss?”

“Rarity, and there is no need to call me Miss. And your name?”

Oh crap.. Names aren't the same here. Okay, need a name and fast. Cameron quickly thought back to the reflecting pool and remembered the mark on his side. “It’s Shadow Feather, Miss Rarity. And I really have to be going so bye!” He then promptly turned around on his hooves and headed straight for the tree in the center of town, like Rarity had said. Well, first person I talk to asks me on a date... Wait, aren't I the one who usually has to pull people like Alex out of these situations?

“Yes, so you are on your own for this one. Also, didn't you tackle Alex into the rift with you? He might be doing fine, because so far I have yet to see the crapstorm that follows in his wake around here yet.”

Oh goddess (goddess, really?) I never even thought about Alex... I wonder how he is doing?

^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^

After several hours of interrogation, Alex being a complete tool (blunt, possibly. Like a hammer but with less personality) and Alex needing to come up with a name to cover for himself (even if he wasn't in another world he never gave his real details) and finally settling on “Crimson Flame”, after his mark. They finally were ready to give him his sentence. The only thing left before that was apologize to the person he wronged, who also happened to be his judge, jury and (if need be) executioner.

“Um, i’m sorry for breaking into your bedroom accidentally and startling you and you repertoire of guards. Please forgive me and not disintegrate me into ashes?” Crap, where in Tartarus is Cameron when you need him? I’m sure he would have something to explain this.

“We accept your apology, loyal subject and forgive you for your intrusion. However we do still get to pick your punishment for the crimes you have committed, and we will personally be overseeing them”

“And here I was thinking that I was going to get a date with a princess”

“Who said that wasn't your punishment?”

Alex sat there and pondered whether this goddess/ruler was messing with him, and then he realised this was the person who made the laws. “Please tell me for the sake of all things frosted that you’re kidding me?” Yeah, this was one time he was worried because Cameron was NOT there to save his (arguably) well toned ass.

“In a way, yes. We are joking about the date part. However we will still be keeping a very close eye on you while you serve out your sentence. Which, by the way, is 57.46 hours of community service. One for each of the seconds you were in our bedchambers.”

“I... Okay, not going to ask how you know exactly how long I was in there for, however I will congratulate the guards on their punctuality in the matter. Also, I don’t really do hard labor. So, the only way you’re going to have me picking up litter is in your dreams.”

“Correction, we never said that you had to be awake or that it was physical labor. We reside over the realm of dreams and you fell asleep for 5 minutes in the interrogation room. We have never seen a colt not be bothered that little by the extra large probe.” She gave him with a sly smile that Alex had come to associate with not drinking the cup of liquid a girl had usually just handed him.

        “Wait, so that means for the 5 minutes I was asleep, you rooted around my head?” Okay, no big deal. She just looked through my personal desktop that is my brain. Then he let that process for a minute. Oh sweet blueberry hazelnut muffins, she looked through the desktop that is my brain for 5 minutes.

        “Yes, and you will do our bidding while you sleep or else we will tell the guards (several of which, he had come to learn, were avid bloggers with a whole herds worth of followers each) about the banana dreams. And no, not the mundane ones.”

Oh sweet melodious soliloquies of William Flankspeare, she knows about the banana dreams. “Okay, fine. What exactly it is that you want me to do?”

        “While we do oversee the dreams of the citizens of this land, we are more concerned with personal enjoyment. So, we usually have somepony else do the work for us. That is, to say that you get to delve into the hearts and minds of the ponies around you and watch over their dreams, making note of them as you trot along their thoughts.”

        “Fine by me, where do I get to work?” Personally he was hoping to be at the castle. He only knew it was a castle because one of the royal guards tactics of interrogation was attempting to break the mind of the law breaker by using the time proven methods of history lessons to drive them to inanity. He was fine so long as he either got to find out juicy gossip or he had a small workload.

        “A small town a short ways away by Train, called Ponyville. You will be given a place to stay there, since there actually is no prison in that town.” She let out a small sigh. “Why can’t it be like the good old days where it was either live or be tortured to death slowly?”

        “Well... This is going to be interesting.” Alex said out loud without even thinking about it. “What could possibly go wrong with me having access to everyones dreams while they sleep?”