Of Ponies and Muffins

Chapter 14: In Which Cameron Uses Paradoxes

        After the incidents regarding the scroll appearing along with the pictures, Cameron was sent off to the dungeons to think about what he had done. At this time he came to realize that he essentially had just eaten Spike’s burp, which was a bizarre concept in and of itself. Well, this is quite the pickle i’m in. He stood in the cell, looking around for something to do in the meantime, then he noticed something carved into the walls. “Alex was here and Cameron is a buttface.”

        He stared at this for a few seconds.Alex you... Cameron took several deep breaths, calming himself from all the unprecedented rage he was feeling. If this anger were to have been a physical thing it would have been a small sun, radiating so much heat that it could fry an egg at a hundred paces, along with the shell, the pan, and the pony who decided to use a sun to cook an egg.

 “Aww, don’t get your adorable little panties in a twist Cam, you can always frame him for a triple rape homicide and drug possession, like the last time you needed-” Sadly, Brian was cut short by the opening of his cell, so it is quite likely that we would never know what exactly made Cameron frame Alex for such a ridiculous crime set, or how for that matter.

        A white unicorn clad in golden armor beckoned Cameron to follow him. He led him out of the cell and into the interrogation room. Finally, something to do. Hey Brian, what would you say if I let you out to play for a little while?

He had officially gotten the attention of his other half, now peaked by this new development. “And why, pray tell, would you let me talk to these clearly wonderful colts and fillies knowing full well that they may go insane from the very concept of dealing with me?”

        Simple, dear colleague of mine, because Alex said that these guys suck and because I am bored as all hell. Also, I am curious as to how you handle this kind of situation and if it is possible for you to make somepony go insane.

“I accept this challenge, however I would like to point out that I am not in any way liable for any damages that were caused by me, since I am technically you but just a fragment of your personality.”

Well, its either talk to them for hours on end and essentially tell them that I am an alien being from an alternate reality that came here by accident, and that I ate the scroll because it contained information relevant to me and the OTHER alien that tagged along with me for the ride who is a slave-minion to princess Luna. Oh and also I wonder what will happen if you were to crack.

 “Fair enough, now. Lets get this party started.”

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        About an hour later a guard, looking rather disheveled burst into the throne room, a wild look in his eyes. He shuddered a bit before finally opening his mouth to talk to Celestia. “Princess, I believe we have encountered a bit of a situation in the interrogation room regarding the Pegasus who ate the scroll. At this current time he has.... Disabled several of our top interrogators and has yet to stop.”

        Celestia looked at the guard, curious as to what exactly he meant. “How exactly is a pegasus able to knock several of my top guards unconscious, and escape confinement?”

        The guard swallowed, “Well.... He actually has yet to lay a hoof on any of the guards... And he is still in the interrogation room and has yet to leave it”

        Celestia processed this for a moment before speaking again. “You mean to tell me that he is still in confinement, but is able to to subdue my elite without so much as a raise of his hoof?”

        “No, he is actually just.... Well you see..... Gah, I give up! Princess Celestia, this situation has gone absolutely critical and your assistance is absolutely necessary if we are to continue this investigation.” The guard replied, knees quivering beneath him as he asked for the assistance of the immortal goddess.

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        Celestia and the guard arrived at the interrogation chamber several minutes later, where several of the guards and interrogators were curled up in fetal positions and muttering several things to themselves. Celestia turned her attention to the interrogation room itself to observe a nervous looking guard and a smug looking grey pegasus sitting across from each other, the pegasus was still shackled to the ground and seemed content as could be.

        The pegasus spoke up to the guard. “Now answer me this, will the answer to this question be no?” The guard looked at him, and was about to open his mouth before he closed it, his eyes going wide with shock and he placed his head in his hoofs and began shaking it back and forth slowly.

        The guard who had brought the princess into the chamber turned began to explain their situation. “He started doing this when he arrived, he's been giving us impossible questions and has driven all of the guards insane thus far. We have tried our best to combat this but the only way he will talk with us is a question for a question and he choses to go first, the only thing we have been able to get from him is the answer to our first question.”

        Celestia turned to the guard. “And that question was?”

        The guard inhaled and exhaled before answering. “Do you know why you were brought in here. To which his answer was yes. Were not sure how but it seems that we can’t find any record of him before about a month ago, and we learned that his name is Shadow Feather.”

        Celestia surveyed the rather minute battle ground before her, several of her best had been beaten by a rather ordinary Pegasus and he could not be held accountable for what he did since he had only spoken. She had come to realize that this was a formidable foe indeed, if he was able to do something like this in such a short amount of time. She also felt sorry for the unicorn guard who was crying in the corner and muttering something about chess games who had created a puddle of tears as large as Celestia herself.

        Celestia sighed, and then made a decision she was not sure if she would regret in the next few minutes. “Guard?”

        The guard looked up at celestia and waited to hear what she had to say. “Yes, Princess?”

        “Release the prisoner and have him brought back to the throne room, I wish to talk to him. Also call the medical team, I fear for the ponies here that he has effected. I also want you to inform Luna about this since she has some connection to the freind of this pegasus.”

        “Right away, princess. However, are you sure it is wise to let this... Madcolt out of the shackles? He has shown himself to be dangerous.” The guard warned.

        “Yes I am sure.” Replied the princess, confident that he would cause less chaos if he were allowed freedom.

        “If that is what you think is best then I have no objections.” The guard sighed, then used magic to project his voice into the chamber. “Release the prisoner into the custody of the princess, and get some towels. Theres a lot of tears to clean up here. And you know how alicorns love tears.”

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        As Cameron cracked his neck side to side, he made a mental note to complain about the shackles in the dungeon. Those things seriously chafed his skin. He had taken over his body again after the incident and was actually rather impressed by Brian’s knowledge of paradoxes and trick questions. He followed the immortal Alicorn princess back to the throne room, which had already been fully repaired after his crash landing in there and Luna was nowhere to be found. “Alright Celestia, i’m assuming that you want to talk with me about something?”

        “Yes, and I will say it has been some time since there has been someone that has been able to outwit my interrogators. I am curious though, where exactly did you learn to deal with ponies like that?” Inquired the princess.

        “I learned how to do that with a series of tubes, a web, a large number, a rodent, a board for opening locks and a lot of free time.” He replied, holding a straight face at the rather rudimentary explanation of the internet to someone that had never had it.

        Celestia simply stared at him for several moments before continuing on with the conversation. “Well, since you don’t seem inclined to talk about why you devoured the scroll, and I have yet to find somepony that can match you, what would you say to a deal.”

Oh crap... If this is anything like what happened to Alex, i’m not sure I want to make a deal. He pondered for a moment. “Alright, but it depends on the deal that you want to make. I really am not in the mood to give up any of my secrets, however I have nothing better to do so I might as well. I'll pretty much do anything short of hard labor or dancing.”

        Celestia gave a smile that scared Cameron like nothing else had before, and for a brief moment he saw Celestia's eyes shrink and he swore she began to drool, however a split second after this began, she shook her head and sighed. “Sorry, thought about something else you could do for me for a second there. Anyway since you have sent my royal coordinator to the asylum for a while I would like to ask for your assistance in a matter.”

“Dude, an immortal goddess is asking you to help her with something. Do you think you’re going to get smited by a stray lightning bolt if you refuse? If you do I call dibs on your body.” Chimed in Brian, who had been silent in regards to meeting the princess until now.

We would both be dead, and I don’t think I have a choice either way. He sighed. “Alright, what do you need me to do?”

        “I need you and your strangely vast intellect to organise the Grand Galloping Gala, the gathering of the Canterlot elite that will take place a few weeks from now. The former coordinator had yet to get around to it. I usually have a unicorn take care of this but you seem up to the task.”

        “So all I have to do is organize... A party? For the snobby and upper class?” Wow, this is going to be a cakewalk!

“Essentially, however you will have to contact several groups and also have to plan the food, entertainment, and decoration of the event as well. The last Gala that was held went a little... Sideways to say the least and ended up a bit strange. You will also need to write the invitations to the event.”

        Cameron thought for a second. “Sounds easy enough, how many ponies are coming?”

        Celestia pondered this for a second. “Somewhere around five hundred, give or take. And feel free to invite anypony else since you are going to be doing all that hard work” She stood there as she watched Cameron cringe then proceed to topple over, mimicking clutching his heart with his hoof, which was rather hard to do since he lacked opposable thumbs.

Chapter 15: About Five Dozen Eggs

Alex was forced into yet another coma drift, after the cake twins had been put to bed. Pinkie had gotten there before the other cakes had and did Alex the favor of cleaning up the mess that the store/house had become, she had also assumed that Alex had fallen asleep and put him on a couch and tucked him in, like he was some sort of overgrown baby. This was later a topic of discussion and humiliation between Cameron and Alex.

        He wandered around Ponyville, looking for Cameron to wake him up. He was terrified at the concept of Cameron waking him up but everypony else would have assumed that he had just been a dream were he to show up. However, he was saved from another testicular assault when he bumped into a rather interesting dreamwalker, much like himself. Princess Luna in the... Wait, is it technically flesh? Or would it be ethereal mist-form? Eh, who gives a damn.

        “Luna? What are you doing here?” He inquired, curious as to her sudden appearance. He was also afraid that this was going to be a repeat of the rather awkward (technically) rape dreams that she had been arriving in more and more frequently as of late.

        “Simple, we release you early from your servitude and all you have to do is attend a party in Canterlot. It is for the elite but we think that your appearance would make it rather... Interesting to say the least.”

Ohmygoshomygoshomygoshomygosh EEEEEYYYYUUUUUSSSS I CAN GET OUT OF THIS DAMNED PUNISHMENT EARLY! Alex took a moment to compose himself. He took a quick cough to clear his throat. This was not exactly necessary since he was a ghost of sorts “Why I think that is a lovely idea. However at the current time I don’t think I can attend.”

“Don’t worry, we have.” She snickered to herself for a moment. “Especially when you are asleep”.

        Alex processed the implications of what exactly she had said. “Okay, now that is just to far Luna. Anyways, can you please come and pick me up? I can’t really do much until I get snapped out of my coma. And do you think you could also NOT tell anyone we had this conversation? I would rather not deal with the fallout from it.” And with that Alex retreated back to his body, which at this point had rolled over onto the floor and was drooling.

        Less than 10 minutes later Luna walked into the room with Pinkie Pie bouncing along beside her. How Pinkie could even have this much energy at this hour was a mystery, then it occurred that Alex had never actually seen Pinkie sleeping, and had never dream creeped on her. This revelation made Alex wonder if Pinkie was actually a robot that ran on sugar and parties.

Luna walked over to Alex body, then proceeded to pick him up with magic and levitate him in front of her. She then proceeded to back hand (hoof?) Alex across the face. His consciousness and body now back together, Alex shook his head. “Thank you for that, but can’t you just bring me back with magic? That seems so much easier, and less painful for me for that matter.”

“Yes, we could have used magic.”

“So you just bitch smacked me because you are a over controlling maniac princess who likes to cause me physical pain?”

 “Would you have rather been woken up the way you were before?”

        “Point taken.” Alex turned his head towards Pinkie. “And thanks for the clean up. Oh, and please don’t tell the Cakes I ‘slept’ on the job.”

        Pinkie shook her head. “Okie dokey! So long as you don’t go around breaking any Pinkie promises, okay?”.

        Alex was somewhat concerned regarding this, but he decided that he might as well agree. “Fine by me, now Luna, I think we should head back to my house to discuss the details of our arrangement. Also, can we stop for a coffee someplace? I need caffeine if I am going to be doing anything related to dancing or if I get into a spontaneous eating competition.” He turned his head towards Pinkie. ‘Beat me once Pinkie, shame on me. Beat me twice and I will end you.”

And with that Alex was dragged off by the princess of the night into learning how to dance properly at a high class social gathering for snobby ponies. It’s a long story but he managed to burn down a small portion of Ponyville and wound up spending his time repairing the damage. And that is how Alex spent the next three weeks while Cameron slaved away with writing invitations to the Gala.