Thoughts of Mercyby spottedstar1123ChaptersGlittershy's Story part 1Glittershy's Story part 2Glittershy's Story Part 3I've Decided I Don't Like FuneralsSlipping into DarknessTime Doesn't Always HealGlittershy's Story Part 4Glittershy's Story Part 5Glittershy's Story part 1Thoughts of Mercy Chapter 1: Glittershy's Story It was a gloomy day, and the sky was gray and bleak to match our somber moods. Everypony was dressed in black, and we all had tears in our eyes(especially me, Fluttershy). We were at my older sister's(Glittershy) funeral. This was not a good occasion to talk. Plus, no one was in the mood. Glittershy had just committed suicide the night before. We all took this very hard because she was loved by her teachers, her friends, random people she didn't know, and everypony else. My family was especially shocked by this. But anyway, she committed suicide because she was depressed. And everypony's depression has a story to go with it. So here's hers. Glittershy, despite her name, was not very shy. She was a cream colored pegasus with a lustrous, soft pink mane and tail(she looked like me). Her eyes were deep pools of crystal clear water. She was also very sociable, popular, and had lots of friends. She had so many that she was at a birthday party at least once every two weeks. Glittershy was intelligent. She got the best grades. She was in all the classes for smart ponies. Glittershy was also good at everything she tried. I was often in her shadow because of all of her good qualities. But, I didn't care. She was Glittershy. Of course, she had some flaws. She sometimes yelled at me, overreacted, or back-stabbed ponies, or spread rumors. But when she did, most ponies forgave her. The main reason was because of all the good things she did. The other reason was because many of the ponies who didn't forgive her quickly became the social outcasts/lone wolfs. That was until she got depressed. It was a tearful story full of drama, about Glittershy, her stallion-friend, her best friend, and other ponies. This is how that happened. One week in Neighvember , she was gone from flight school for a day because she had gotten a cold. When she got back, she was left alone. Nopony even glanced at her. No one asked her "Where were you?" No one even talked to her. Everything felt wrong. Not even her stallionfriend or her best friend. In fact, she hadn't seen them for the entire day. I hope that no one is avoiding me on purpose she thought. Especially my stallionfriend end best friend. Then, she remembered that her stallion-friend was in almost all of her classes, and her best friend was in all of her classes. She ate her lunch pondering why they hadn't talked to her yet. They couldn't avoid her for that long. She came to the conclusion that they were both sick. If they were here, they wouldn't avoid her on purpose. She was totally wrong. Not only were they avoiding on purpose, but for a unpleasant reason(to her, at least). Glittershy learned at the end of the day. She was just getting ready to go home, and she was just opening her locker to get her stuff. When she opened it, a note drifted out. She picked it up, unsuspecting that it was anything bad. The first thing that she noticed when she opened it was the bottom. It said: Not Yours Truly Anymore, Your Ex-Stallionfriend and Ex-Best Friend She looked up with trembling hooves and knew she was going to dread whatever the note said. She started to read in her head. Dear Glittershy I know that us 2(your stallionfriend and best friend) have been by your side for the past time. But, we have both come to the conclusion that you are a stuck-up snotty head. So, we are saying our good byes in this letter. We didn't even want it bother writing this, but my mom would take away my video game system if I didn't. So, bye. Not yours truly anymore, Your Ex-Stallionfriend and Ex-Best Friend Bye this point, Glittershy had burst into tears. She packed the remains of her stuff and galloped home. Glittershy's Story part 2Sorry this is really late. See this to see why. I also have not been allowed to use the computer as much lately. Thoughts of Mercy Glittershy's Story Part 2 Glittershy was sobbing uncontrollably when she told our mom and me about the note and what happened. My mom was trying to sooth her by saying, "There, there, Glittershy. You still have us." But, nothing seemed to work. Glittershy was still crying hard. I, on the other hand, was just standing there, listening. But no matter how nonchalant I seemed, I was forcing myself not to blubber. I was doing a pretty good job, except for the fact that my lip was quavering. "Flu-fluttershy," Glittershy, who was still sniveling, stammered, "how can you be so calm?" I snapped, "I'm trying to be strong for you, I'm not under-reacting." I then added in a softer tone, "I'm sorry that I snapped at you. It's just that this situation is just so.. I don't know how you would say it, but this is just so stupid. Why would your stallion-friend and your best friend both dump you at the same time for no reason at all?" "I d-don't know, Fluttershy," she replied after some thought. "Maybe they thought that I was a piece of crap, and decided to reject me for "better opportunities"." she added bitterly. I thought that that still didn't cover everything. Then how come she had also been a loner too? Her stallion-friend and best friend couldn't have gone so far to convince everypony to reject her. That would've been harsh of them, especially to their standards. I stated my concerns to my sister, and she didn't have an answer to that. But, my mom did. "Honey, I know you haven't experienced much in life. After all, you both are still in flight school," she began. "But you have got to accept somethings in life that you can't avoid, no matter how hard you try. Sometimes, you have to let your heart get broken, and just let it go." "But that doesn't explain why I was excluded in everything." Glittershy pointed out, no longer stuttering because she had stopped bawling. My mom replied, "Maybe they felt bored and decided to persuade everypony to pretend that you weren't there. After all, some ponies are just that mean. Maybe you're stallionfriend and best friend are just those type of ponies." Glittershy and I thought about my mom's theory. It wasn't very likely, but it wasn't impossible. It was the most logical answer. After all, magical cupcakes couldn't have come and made Glittershy invisible in her sleep. And a unicorn couldn't have done that since my mom and I could see Glittershy. So, we just had to accept my mom's idea. So, we all retired to our own thoughts and places. My mom went to the kitchen to cook dinner, Glittershy went to her room to sulk, and I trotted up to my room to think. I plopped on my bed, and tried to concentrate on homework. I quickly discovered that I couldn't, so I tried to sleep. Again, I just couldn't. I did everything I could think that I could keep my mind on. I couldn't concentrate on anything, but now I knew why. A single thought ran through my mind, and I had to obsess over it. So, I lay down on my bed to think. How did this mess happen? And when I was thinking, I heard Glittershy wailing loudly from her room. I thought, I wonder why people got to be so mean. ~~~***~~~ Our dinner that day was pretty silent. All you could hear was my mom, Glittershy, and me chomping our food and moving around in our seat once in a while. Finally, my mom couldn't stand the silence. "So, girls... um, how are you feeling, Glittershy?" she said slowly. Glittershy just glared at her, not saying anything. I glanced up uncomfortably, feeling awkward about our "dinner conversation". It was just so weird! I know I'm not much of a talker, but usually during dinner Glittershy is the complete opposite than she was today. We resumed our silence. After Glittershy was finished eating, she just got up and left, not bothering to even put her dishes in the sink. I soon finished, and washed my plate. I went to Glittershy's room and knocked on her door. I said softly, "Can I come in?" She replied, "Yes, Fluttershy. But hurry up." I came in, and sat next to her on her bed. Her eyes were puffy and red from crying so much. Even if you didn't know about the breakups, you could still tell something had happened. I could tell she wasn't in the mood for talking, so I respected her wishes. She just stared at the floor, while I twiddled my hooves. Finally, feeling bored, I retreated to my room. I washed up, then tried to fall asleep. It took a while, as after all, it had been a long day. Glittershy's Story Part 3Thoughts of Mercy Glittershy's Story Part 3 After all of the drama happened, Glittershy really started to, well, I guess, change. Psychically and mentally. Her grades slipped from A+'s to F's. She went to best student in all of her classes to worst. She lost her sweet disposition and started to become cruel and malicious. Because of all of this(and because of the previous fiasco), she lost all her friends and followers. And because of this, she never wanted to go to school and always pretended to be sick. Our mom never bought the act and always made her go to school, even though sometimes she was a bit pale. And now for more of her psychical changes. And no, I don't mean puberty. As I said, Glittershy became pale. And she got skinnier and skinnier, until I thought that she was just skin and bones. And I mean literally. Because of this, she got weaker and weaker, so sometimes she could barely get out of bed. When our mom washed her sheets, she sometimes found blood stained all over them. Glittershy always insisted that it was her [Insert the word that is also a punctuation mark that happens to female adolescents, because I'm not going to say, I mean type, it.], but I suspected differently. One Saturday, my mom yelled for Glittershy to come downstairs for brunch, as it was already 11:30. She hollered, "Glittershy, come down to eat! You can't stay up there forever. This better not be one of your "fits"." When she said the word "fits", it was tinged with a bit of sarcasm as if she didn't care about Glittershy's health at all. My mom was getting impatient, and called for her again. "Glittershy! Come down here right this instant!" No reply. Suddenly, I heard a groan from Glittershy's room. "Glittershy!" I gasped. I galloped upstairs to check on her. I shoved open her bedroom's door, and looked around her room. Clothes were scattered on the floor(yes, she wore clothes regularly) and her closet was a mess. And she was sprawled on her bed, like she was dead. I gasped again, and rushed to her side to see if she was okay. My mom peered over my shoulder, and said, "She's fine." I didn't think so. "Fluttershy..." Glittershy moaned. "Glittershy! Are you okay? You look horrible!" "Doctor... I need to see a doctor. I'm sick." I turned to my mom, and looked at her with pleading eyes. Of course, she couldn't resist. She sighed, and announced, "Fine, let's go." I squeed, and lifted Glittershy up on my mom's back. We started to fly towards Dr. Whooves's office. ~~~***~~~ We waited anxiously in the Doctor's waiting room, anxiously waiting for Glittershy's name to be called. Finally, we heard Nurse Redheart say to no one in particular, but to the whole waiting room, "Glittershy, please." My family got up, stretched our legs, and followed her to one of those rooms. Nurse Redheart checked Glittershy's heartbeat, temperature, eyes, ears, and mouth. Then she asked her about her diet and sleep pattern. Glittershy admitted that she hadn't been sleeping or eating much lately. The nurse raised her eyebrows but said nothing. My mom pretended she hadn't heard what she had said and pretended to look for something in her saddlebags. I screamed inside my head. Nurse Redheart continued to ask Glittershy more questions, then turned to my mom and said, "I'm going to leave, but sit tight. The Doctor should be coming soon." My mom nodded her head, then resumed reading a magazine she had found called Mare Vouge. The nurse left, and we waited for Doctor Whooves to come. My mom continued to read her magazine, I stared at my hooves, and Glittershy studied a poster on the wall about eating disorders. She seemed to be engrossed. We had been waiting for 10 minutes when suddenly, I had a feeling. I opened my mouth to question Glittershy, but the Doctor burst in right before I was going to speak. I sighed and he said in his British accent, "Sorry for making you guys wait so long, I had problems with the TARDIS." When he realized he had told us about the TARDIS thing(whatever it is), he then tried to hypnotize us into forgetting everything he said. My mom sighed and rolled her eyes. Finally, the Doctor gave up. Doctor Whooves put his glasses on, then stated, "Okay, so which one of you is Glittershy and what's the problem?" Glittershy meekly said, "That's me, and ask Fluttershy what's the matter," as she (obviously) pointed at me with a hoof. I cleared my throat, and said, "Well, lately Glittershy hasn't been sleeping or eating much. Also, she sometimes can barely get out of bed and she gets pale. Like today, she was too weak to even get dressed or do anything! And before she had this problem with these two ponies, she got straight A's. Now she gets straight F's." The Doctor rubbed his hooves together, then said, "Okay, now what is this "problem" you were talking about? I think that might be what is causing all of this." So, I told him. Glittershy's eyes were starting to tear up, and I thought she might start bawling. Finally, I finished talking, and looked up at Doctor Whooves. He said, "I think I know what the problem is. But, it isn't my business, so you should go to this pony." He shoved a business card into my mom's hooves, and she gave it to me. I looked at it, and saw it said this: Doctor T. Lily Psychiatrist 3439 Medical Lane, Ponyville Then, the Doctor continued, "She'll tell you the problem. Now, good bye!" I had a feeling that this was going to be fun!(not) I've Decided I Don't Like FuneralsThoughts of Mercy I've Decided I Don't Like Funerals The funeral. Something I didn't enjoy. I've decided I don't like funerals. Some ponies, including me, told stories about Glittershy, and how they'll miss her, blah blah. I was thinking about how hypocritical they were. They were the ones who drove her to death. I talked about the same thing, but I was the only one who even deserved to talk at all. "Glittershy, as you all know, was my older sister," I said, starting my not-very-well prepared speech. Because it was my turn to speak, everypony's attention was on me. It was daunting to be the focus of everyone's attention. "Before," I didn't add ponies bullied her, "she was more than a big sister to me. She was a mentor, a teacher, and a friend. She helped me when I needed it, when others wouldn't offer any assistance. She even offered to help when I didn't need it. She was always there for me, so I tried to be there for her too." I can't believe I even said that. It made me seem like I wasn't good enough for her when she was depressed. "Even though Glittershy may be gone here in Equestria, she will stay in my heart forever. If I could say one more word to her, I would say 'Godspeed.'" I'm not sure ponies were touched by my speaking, but I hope. After the service, everyone (well, at least some ponies) put flowers on Glittershy's grave. I put three tiger lilies. I think my reason for three tiger lilies is that T. Lily was her doctor, which doens't really have to do with anything, and three represented Glittershy, my mother, and I. Now, because of recent events, it was just me and my mom. ~~~***~~~ A few weeks later, things had sort of settled at home and school. It seemed like I was the only one who even at least slightly missed Glittershy. Ponies never talked about her, not even my mom. I, like my sister, was invisible. No pony ever talked to me, except Rainbow Dash. I was used to this kind of treatment. I'm just not what you would call "popular filly material." I was fine like this, of course, except when during class, teachers never called on me to answer a question. I guess that's why some ponies think I'm stupid or dumb (I never talked about this before, but it's true. There are rumors about it); I never have or get a chance to prove my intellectual ability. It was almost like I was invisible. And of course the one time I embarrass myself, I get unwanted attention. I become infamous. And this action is over all the times I've done wonderful things - such as help other ponies. What is the world coming too? This thing that isn't even that bad happened during lunch, one nice day in April, months after Glittershy's departure from the world. I was walking to my seat next to Dashie, lunch tray in hoof, minding my own business. Suddenly, Scarlet Silver (remember her? annoying obnoxious meanie-pants?) appears in front of me. "Oh, hey, Fluttershy." She stresses the accent on the first syllable of my name, making it sound like an insult even though it isn't. "How are you? I heard that your stupid sister couldn't even survive on her own, and she killed herself. Considering how weak you are, you probably taught her how to do it, huh?" The foal around us who heard her laughed. Scarlet Silver's hurt me, because they were true, sort of. My sister, Glittershy, had killed herself, and I'll admit it myself - I am weak. But I was kind of offended that she would think that I taught my sister how commit suicide. I tried to walk away from the bully, away from my verbal torment, but as I stepped forward, Scarlet Silver put her hoof in front of me, and guess what? I tripped over it. I fell right on my face, which was on a tray full of now smashed food. I had made quite a clatter, and everypony looked at me. Then they all started laughing at the same time; Rainbow Dash even had barely succeded in smothering her giggles. I ran from the lunchroom, tears bursting from my eyes. I ran and ran, almost blinded, to a secluded room, which happened to be the fillys' bathroom. I locked myself in a stall for privacy, and let the tears run down my face. Slipping into DarknessThought's of Mercy Slipping into Darkness I don't care about anything anymore. School, family, friends (even though I really only have one). They don't matter at all. The only thing that does matter is that Glittershy is gone. My sister, friend, and mentor isn't here in Equestria anymore. She is forever within my spirit, but nowhere else. Things started to change with me. I spent my days writing. I wasn't a very good writer, but I enjoyed it. I began working on a novel called Thorn of a Rose. I would never, ever publish it of course, but it was almost an obsession of mine to write a few pages every second I could. It consumed my life, filling the empty hole that Glittershy had left behind. Thorn of a Rose was the diary of a filly named Lavender who became depressed, because her best friend died of cancer. Lavender had to fight through the horrors of depression, and of course would eventually snap out of her melancholy and self-actualize and such. The story was based off of my own life. At least she was lucky. She had other friends who cared for her and actually try to help. I hadn't written an awfully a lot yet - just 50 or so pages. No one noticed I was changing. Rainbow Dash hadn't abandoned me, but she didn't seem to care about my problems, not that I wanted to force her onto them. I was almost perfectly fine letting her talk about Wonderbolts this and Wonderbolts that. However, I wish I could talk to her about the meaning of life, the definition of happiness, and the key to a perfect life. I didn't think that last thing is even possible. I wish it was. To put my changes in a nutshell, I was slipping into darkness. I'll admit that. Glittershy's compassionate warmth from when she was flesh and blood left me with a feeling of emptiness and incompletion. I was becoming depressed. Things weren't great at all, of course. I was such a tiny mark in Equestria and Cloudsdale, that even my own mother of all people didn't notice I had the same "illness" that Glittershy had. But that was probably just my mother's ignorance of ponies in general. She wasn't the most caring pony in the first place. I wish this wasn't happening. Believe me, if I, Fluttershy, could change fate and my brain, I would. Being depressed is not fun. If I could, I would. Believe me. I wish I could believe myself. ~~~***~~~ Thorn of a Rose Chapter 3: Slipping into Darkness It's a dark and stormy night, and other than the sound of thunder and rain pounding on the land, all was silent in the household. I was feeling melancholy and doodling in this, my diary. On the cover I had written in big threatening letters "Property of Lavender. If taken without premission, severe consequences." I was drawing roses. Ones with many thorns, in fact. The flowers sort of represented my life. Things seemed beautiful, but if you weren't careful, you would discover how terrifying, dangerous, and just melancholy life in general was. Don't you, whoever is reading my diary (hopefully no one will), wonder what is the meaning of life? Don't think "42." Why are we, ponies, living on this planet we call home? What are we supposed to accomplish and achieve, self-actualization? Why do we suffer the things we do? I for one, have to endure this pain of sadness all the time. I'm slipping into darkness all the time because of my pain. Why does the world make me suffer as I do now? Is this part of my journey to self-actualization? If yes, I wish it didn't have to be part of the adventure. It would be much easier to just realize without pain and be done with it. But like some ponies say, no pain, no gain. I wish that wasn't the case. The meaning of life might be to learn to love. It might not necessarily to learn why we are in Equestria. Well, I guess it sort of goes together. Learning to love might be on the path of self-actualization. I wish it was easy, but loving and finding your sould pony is easier said than done. Some ponies might think I'm too young to think about love and such, but I guess you're never too young. You just have to be mature enough and realize that love is more than just hooking up or some shallow school crush. It's commitment for another pony who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Didn't you wish that the journey of finding your soul pony, your special somepony, was simple and easy, like a straight line? Instead, it's full of twists and turns, and you may never know what's around the corner. The mistress of life, like many other creatures, is harsh and wants everypony to learn things the hard way. I understand actually experiencing things is better than just thinking you're prepared for one of life's tricks. There really is no shortcut to the "correct" finish line. You just have to use your judgement to make the best choice or decision, and hope for the best. I know this is how life works, but it doesn't mean I have to like it. I don't think many people like it. I wish life was easy; that it was simple, uncomplicated with no events that are confusing. I wish that ponies would know the right thing of what to do right away, so there was no chance of something bad happening. Unfortunately for me and every other pony, all things happen for a reason. I wonder for what reason I have to endure my suffering, my pain - my slipping into darkness. Time Doesn't Always HealThoughts of Mercy Time Doesn't Always Heal It's almost been a year since Glittershy left the world and all of us. It's chilly December, and Christmas is in a few weeks. More than a foot of snow has fallen this winter. It covers the trees, buildings, and ground. Sparkling, colorful lights are hung up on arches, doorways, columns - anywhere that's near an electric outlet. Nativity scenes are set up in shop windows. In general Cloudsdale looked like a winter wonderland. Ponies are cheerful, especially foals who can't wait for Christmas break to start and for school to end. Even Scarlet Silver is a tiny bit nicer than usual. I'm almost willing to give her a second chance and let her be in my good books again. "Almost" is the key word there. Rainbow Dash's family is feeling very charitable lately, and giving my mother and I little holiday gifts and such. Even though I'm surronded by many joyful and vivid ponies, I'm still sad and grieving over Glittershy. Some ponies say that time heals wounds, but time doesn't always heal. My wounds may not be fresh and dripping with blood, but they're still sore and haven't completely healed. They're infectected, because the injuries haven't been properly cared for. I haven't gotten any treatment at all. Ponies haven't noticed I've changed. Wel, I guess that's part of my fault. I haven't really told anyone that I'm still grieving over Glittershy's suicide, because I don't want to seem selfish. I don't want to seem like I'm expecting pity, so I don't focus on my problems - I focus on other's. This method of coping sort of helps. I can forget about my own problems this way. It also makes me feel good to know that I'm making someone else's day better. Even though it's selfish, I can't help but wonder why ponies that I help don't notice that I'm not my usual at-least-somewhat-cheerful self. I didn't do tasks with as much joy. I just wasn't myself anymore. I wonder what it would take for other ponies to notice that I was different? Suicide? I hope not. I wish things weren't this way. ~~~***~~~ "How do you find the volume of a regular pyramid, Fluttershy?" Upon hearing my name, I jolt out of my daydream of fun with Glittershy. "Uh, pi times radius squared?" Miss Draner sighs at my answer. "Miss Fluttershy, please pay attention during class. Now, does anyone know the volume of a regular pyramid?" Scarlet Silver and her cronies giggle at my small reprimand. The villian herself whispers to her friends something about me being such an idiot. Miss Draner continues with her geometry lesson, the most boring of all math. She rambles on and on about volume of different figures. It's so uninteresting that I, once again, falll into a daydream. This time, it's about taking care of animals of all forms - bunnies, lizards, and bears. And, once again, I hear my name. "Fluttershy, what is the formula for finding the volume of a rectangular prism?" Fortunately this time, I'm able to answer correctly. "It is length times width times height." Miss Drane seems disappointed to not catch me off-guard, but she accepts my answer anyway. After almost an eternity of trying to pay attention, the bell rings and it's time for lunch. As always, I sit with Rainbow Dash. She's made some new friends, who all ignore me even though I try to be nice. I can tell these so-called "friends" only like Dashie because of how good she is at flying, and they probably would I know that's mean to think, but I can't help it. I truly believe this. Scarlet Silver saunters up to my table and says, "Hey, Fluttershy, how's it going, math genius?" Some of Rainbow Dash and Scarlet Silver's wannabes snicker and giggle, purposely making it just loud enough for ponies surronding us can hear, but not loud enough so that the lunch supervisors can hear. I mumble, "Please go away, if that's okay with you." The bully feigns surprise and innocence and replies, "Sorry, didn't catch that. What did you say?" I repeat my wishes. "Please go away, if that's okay with you!" Everyone, except for Rainbow Dash, all attempt to cover their giggles, but purposely let them escape. I wish that I could disappear. This is just plain mortifying. So, I snatch up my lunch tray and with the last of my dignity, stomp off to an empty corner of the lunchroom with tears in my eyes. I can't help but remember that this is the second time I've done something like that. ~~~***~~~ Thorn of a Rose Chapter 4: Time Doesn't Always Heal Draft Did my diary entries always begin like this? "It's a dark and stormy night." It seems like it, though it is true. Today is especially dark and stormy. All is calm inside, and all is clamor outside. Rain is destroying the landscape. I hope the animals outside are okay. I'm sure not. The saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is pure junk. Whoever said obviously has learned nothing about life or is just plain lying. I think the latter is more likely. Another saying that isn't always true is "time heals all wounds." For me, that's especially untrue. Some things leave a scar forever. Glittershy's Story Part 4Thoughts of Mercy Glittershy's Story Part 4 So my mom, Glittershy, and I went to that mare psychiatrist, T. Lily. Her office building turned out to be her house. When I first looked at her actual office where she talks with her patients, I almost expected there to be skeletons hanging down from the ceiling. It was that creepy! Suddenly, a big black bug fell down from the ceiling! "AGH!!!" I shrieked. "It's just a spider, Fluttershy. Seriously, just calm down," my mother said, rolling her eyes. I nodded, but still, what if it's poisonous? What if it bites me? It would take more than my mother's words to make me better. T.Lily came in, sat down, and gestured for Glittershy to sit in a chair across from her. She asked her questions about stuff, and blah blah blah. Finally, she came to her conclusion. "Glittershy," T. Lily said, "you have mild depression." No one said anything. I have to say, none of us were surprised. Glittershy had lately acted, well, depressed. My mom payed T. Lily for her services, and we were about to leave when the psychiatrist shouted, "Wait! Here's some medicine you can try." T. Lily gave her, my mother thanked her, and we left. We got to our house, and we just spent the rest of the day doing nothing. ~~~***~~~ The next day, my mom went to the pharmacy to get some of the depression medicine. She told me to go to my (only) friend's house, Rainbow Dash, while Glittershy stayed home. I think my mom thinks that her "disease/virus" is contagious and I might "catch it", and I wanted to stay with Glittershy and comfort her, but, I didn't want to argue. I told Dashie about how Glittershy was sick, but she didn't want to listen. She wanted to tell me about how the Wonderbolts were having a show next week in Canterlot, so I let her. Apparently, she wanted to go, but her parents wouldn't let her since they were both busy with work, and they thought she was too young to go somewhere by herself. She kept on ranting, and ranting, and ranting, and I listened, and listened, and listened.. Finally, she paused for breath, and I said, "Glittershy's depression is really weird and she-" But Rainbow said, "Yeah, yeah, I know. Glittershy is depressed." Then she muttered, "Whatever that means." I tried to tell her what it meant, but she cut in and continued talking about the Wonderbolts. "So anyway, I'm trying to convince them, but they've got their minds set on having their own way. I mean, they should stop being so stubborn!" Hypocrite, I thought. Dash kept on ranting on and on, until I finally said quietly, "Rainbow, I need to go now." She didn't hear me, so I said loudly (which isn't very loud), "Um, Rainbow, I need to go!" She looked a bit surprised that I had interrupted her, but said, "Oh. All right. Bye." I waved bye and flew back home. When I was about to go in my house, I heard some crying. It was so sad and pathetic, I felt sad. I went to my room, and I heard Glittershy sobbing in hers. I wanted to make her feel better, but I thought it might make her feel worse. I sighed, and decided to sing one of my favorite songs, "Dark Side" by Kelly Canterson. It matched my mood. "There's a place that I know. It's not pretty there, and few have ever gone. If I show it to you now, will you run away? Will you stay, even if it hurts? Even if I push you out, will you ever return? And remind who I really am, please remind me who I really am." "Everybody's got a dark side. Do you love me? Can you love mine? Nobody's picture perfect, but we're worth it. You know that we're worth it. Will you love me? Even with my dark side? Like a diamond from black dust, it's hard to know what it can become if you give up. So don't give up on me. Please remind me who I really am. "Everybody's got a dark side. Do you love me? Can you love mine? Nobody's picture perfect, but we're worth it. You know that we're worth it. Will you love me? Even with my dark side? After I finished the chorus, I sighed again. I wish that life was picture perfect. Everything would be fine. I flopped onto my bed, and fell asleep. Glittershy's Story Part 5Thoughts of Mercy Glitterhy's Story Part 5 When I wake up the next morning, I look at my clock. 8:17. Oh no, school starts at 8:20 and I'll be late! Again. I hurry up and eat, gather my things, bid my mother farewell, after she told me Glittershy was sick and she was staying home to take care of her. No wonder Glittershy didn't wake me up. I rush to school, and take my seat as soon as Miss Draner, my teacher starts class. Miss Draner drones instead of talks, and even her cutie mark is boring. It's a bunch of gray dots and dashes. When I sit down, I sit on a bit of my hair which gets pulled, so I let out a little eep. Someone behind me snickers. I don't need to turn around to see who it is - it's Scarlet Silver. She's the most popular/snobby/annoying filly in my class. She leans forward (she sits directly behind me) and whispers, "I heard your sister is retarded and demented. She must've gotten it from you." Her cronies who sit near her giggle. I whimper. Miss Draner drones on, and I'm only released from her teaching and Scarlet Silver's torture during recess, when I sit next to Dashie along with her other friends. Finally, school ends and I rush home. My mom is still home, not surprisingly, but what is surprising is that she had just pulled out a batch of cinnamon snickerdoodle cookies out of the oven, my favorite. They smell taintingly delicious. She says, "Hello, Fluttershy. I . . I have some news." I know immediately something is up. She then continues, "Glittershy . . . Glittershy . . ." I'm anxious about what happened to Glittershy. But even though I could've guessed what my mother would say next, it doesn't lessen the pain at all. "Fluttershy, honey . . .Glittershy is commited suicide. She's dead."
Glittershy's Story part 1Thoughts of Mercy Chapter 1: Glittershy's Story It was a gloomy day, and the sky was gray and bleak to match our somber moods. Everypony was dressed in black, and we all had tears in our eyes(especially me, Fluttershy). We were at my older sister's(Glittershy) funeral. This was not a good occasion to talk. Plus, no one was in the mood. Glittershy had just committed suicide the night before. We all took this very hard because she was loved by her teachers, her friends, random people she didn't know, and everypony else. My family was especially shocked by this. But anyway, she committed suicide because she was depressed. And everypony's depression has a story to go with it. So here's hers. Glittershy, despite her name, was not very shy. She was a cream colored pegasus with a lustrous, soft pink mane and tail(she looked like me). Her eyes were deep pools of crystal clear water. She was also very sociable, popular, and had lots of friends. She had so many that she was at a birthday party at least once every two weeks. Glittershy was intelligent. She got the best grades. She was in all the classes for smart ponies. Glittershy was also good at everything she tried. I was often in her shadow because of all of her good qualities. But, I didn't care. She was Glittershy. Of course, she had some flaws. She sometimes yelled at me, overreacted, or back-stabbed ponies, or spread rumors. But when she did, most ponies forgave her. The main reason was because of all the good things she did. The other reason was because many of the ponies who didn't forgive her quickly became the social outcasts/lone wolfs. That was until she got depressed. It was a tearful story full of drama, about Glittershy, her stallion-friend, her best friend, and other ponies. This is how that happened. One week in Neighvember , she was gone from flight school for a day because she had gotten a cold. When she got back, she was left alone. Nopony even glanced at her. No one asked her "Where were you?" No one even talked to her. Everything felt wrong. Not even her stallionfriend or her best friend. In fact, she hadn't seen them for the entire day. I hope that no one is avoiding me on purpose she thought. Especially my stallionfriend end best friend. Then, she remembered that her stallion-friend was in almost all of her classes, and her best friend was in all of her classes. She ate her lunch pondering why they hadn't talked to her yet. They couldn't avoid her for that long. She came to the conclusion that they were both sick. If they were here, they wouldn't avoid her on purpose. She was totally wrong. Not only were they avoiding on purpose, but for a unpleasant reason(to her, at least). Glittershy learned at the end of the day. She was just getting ready to go home, and she was just opening her locker to get her stuff. When she opened it, a note drifted out. She picked it up, unsuspecting that it was anything bad. The first thing that she noticed when she opened it was the bottom. It said: Not Yours Truly Anymore, Your Ex-Stallionfriend and Ex-Best Friend She looked up with trembling hooves and knew she was going to dread whatever the note said. She started to read in her head. Dear Glittershy I know that us 2(your stallionfriend and best friend) have been by your side for the past time. But, we have both come to the conclusion that you are a stuck-up snotty head. So, we are saying our good byes in this letter. We didn't even want it bother writing this, but my mom would take away my video game system if I didn't. So, bye. Not yours truly anymore, Your Ex-Stallionfriend and Ex-Best Friend Bye this point, Glittershy had burst into tears. She packed the remains of her stuff and galloped home.
Glittershy's Story part 2Sorry this is really late. See this to see why. I also have not been allowed to use the computer as much lately. Thoughts of Mercy Glittershy's Story Part 2 Glittershy was sobbing uncontrollably when she told our mom and me about the note and what happened. My mom was trying to sooth her by saying, "There, there, Glittershy. You still have us." But, nothing seemed to work. Glittershy was still crying hard. I, on the other hand, was just standing there, listening. But no matter how nonchalant I seemed, I was forcing myself not to blubber. I was doing a pretty good job, except for the fact that my lip was quavering. "Flu-fluttershy," Glittershy, who was still sniveling, stammered, "how can you be so calm?" I snapped, "I'm trying to be strong for you, I'm not under-reacting." I then added in a softer tone, "I'm sorry that I snapped at you. It's just that this situation is just so.. I don't know how you would say it, but this is just so stupid. Why would your stallion-friend and your best friend both dump you at the same time for no reason at all?" "I d-don't know, Fluttershy," she replied after some thought. "Maybe they thought that I was a piece of crap, and decided to reject me for "better opportunities"." she added bitterly. I thought that that still didn't cover everything. Then how come she had also been a loner too? Her stallion-friend and best friend couldn't have gone so far to convince everypony to reject her. That would've been harsh of them, especially to their standards. I stated my concerns to my sister, and she didn't have an answer to that. But, my mom did. "Honey, I know you haven't experienced much in life. After all, you both are still in flight school," she began. "But you have got to accept somethings in life that you can't avoid, no matter how hard you try. Sometimes, you have to let your heart get broken, and just let it go." "But that doesn't explain why I was excluded in everything." Glittershy pointed out, no longer stuttering because she had stopped bawling. My mom replied, "Maybe they felt bored and decided to persuade everypony to pretend that you weren't there. After all, some ponies are just that mean. Maybe you're stallionfriend and best friend are just those type of ponies." Glittershy and I thought about my mom's theory. It wasn't very likely, but it wasn't impossible. It was the most logical answer. After all, magical cupcakes couldn't have come and made Glittershy invisible in her sleep. And a unicorn couldn't have done that since my mom and I could see Glittershy. So, we just had to accept my mom's idea. So, we all retired to our own thoughts and places. My mom went to the kitchen to cook dinner, Glittershy went to her room to sulk, and I trotted up to my room to think. I plopped on my bed, and tried to concentrate on homework. I quickly discovered that I couldn't, so I tried to sleep. Again, I just couldn't. I did everything I could think that I could keep my mind on. I couldn't concentrate on anything, but now I knew why. A single thought ran through my mind, and I had to obsess over it. So, I lay down on my bed to think. How did this mess happen? And when I was thinking, I heard Glittershy wailing loudly from her room. I thought, I wonder why people got to be so mean. ~~~***~~~ Our dinner that day was pretty silent. All you could hear was my mom, Glittershy, and me chomping our food and moving around in our seat once in a while. Finally, my mom couldn't stand the silence. "So, girls... um, how are you feeling, Glittershy?" she said slowly. Glittershy just glared at her, not saying anything. I glanced up uncomfortably, feeling awkward about our "dinner conversation". It was just so weird! I know I'm not much of a talker, but usually during dinner Glittershy is the complete opposite than she was today. We resumed our silence. After Glittershy was finished eating, she just got up and left, not bothering to even put her dishes in the sink. I soon finished, and washed my plate. I went to Glittershy's room and knocked on her door. I said softly, "Can I come in?" She replied, "Yes, Fluttershy. But hurry up." I came in, and sat next to her on her bed. Her eyes were puffy and red from crying so much. Even if you didn't know about the breakups, you could still tell something had happened. I could tell she wasn't in the mood for talking, so I respected her wishes. She just stared at the floor, while I twiddled my hooves. Finally, feeling bored, I retreated to my room. I washed up, then tried to fall asleep. It took a while, as after all, it had been a long day.
Glittershy's Story Part 3Thoughts of Mercy Glittershy's Story Part 3 After all of the drama happened, Glittershy really started to, well, I guess, change. Psychically and mentally. Her grades slipped from A+'s to F's. She went to best student in all of her classes to worst. She lost her sweet disposition and started to become cruel and malicious. Because of all of this(and because of the previous fiasco), she lost all her friends and followers. And because of this, she never wanted to go to school and always pretended to be sick. Our mom never bought the act and always made her go to school, even though sometimes she was a bit pale. And now for more of her psychical changes. And no, I don't mean puberty. As I said, Glittershy became pale. And she got skinnier and skinnier, until I thought that she was just skin and bones. And I mean literally. Because of this, she got weaker and weaker, so sometimes she could barely get out of bed. When our mom washed her sheets, she sometimes found blood stained all over them. Glittershy always insisted that it was her [Insert the word that is also a punctuation mark that happens to female adolescents, because I'm not going to say, I mean type, it.], but I suspected differently. One Saturday, my mom yelled for Glittershy to come downstairs for brunch, as it was already 11:30. She hollered, "Glittershy, come down to eat! You can't stay up there forever. This better not be one of your "fits"." When she said the word "fits", it was tinged with a bit of sarcasm as if she didn't care about Glittershy's health at all. My mom was getting impatient, and called for her again. "Glittershy! Come down here right this instant!" No reply. Suddenly, I heard a groan from Glittershy's room. "Glittershy!" I gasped. I galloped upstairs to check on her. I shoved open her bedroom's door, and looked around her room. Clothes were scattered on the floor(yes, she wore clothes regularly) and her closet was a mess. And she was sprawled on her bed, like she was dead. I gasped again, and rushed to her side to see if she was okay. My mom peered over my shoulder, and said, "She's fine." I didn't think so. "Fluttershy..." Glittershy moaned. "Glittershy! Are you okay? You look horrible!" "Doctor... I need to see a doctor. I'm sick." I turned to my mom, and looked at her with pleading eyes. Of course, she couldn't resist. She sighed, and announced, "Fine, let's go." I squeed, and lifted Glittershy up on my mom's back. We started to fly towards Dr. Whooves's office. ~~~***~~~ We waited anxiously in the Doctor's waiting room, anxiously waiting for Glittershy's name to be called. Finally, we heard Nurse Redheart say to no one in particular, but to the whole waiting room, "Glittershy, please." My family got up, stretched our legs, and followed her to one of those rooms. Nurse Redheart checked Glittershy's heartbeat, temperature, eyes, ears, and mouth. Then she asked her about her diet and sleep pattern. Glittershy admitted that she hadn't been sleeping or eating much lately. The nurse raised her eyebrows but said nothing. My mom pretended she hadn't heard what she had said and pretended to look for something in her saddlebags. I screamed inside my head. Nurse Redheart continued to ask Glittershy more questions, then turned to my mom and said, "I'm going to leave, but sit tight. The Doctor should be coming soon." My mom nodded her head, then resumed reading a magazine she had found called Mare Vouge. The nurse left, and we waited for Doctor Whooves to come. My mom continued to read her magazine, I stared at my hooves, and Glittershy studied a poster on the wall about eating disorders. She seemed to be engrossed. We had been waiting for 10 minutes when suddenly, I had a feeling. I opened my mouth to question Glittershy, but the Doctor burst in right before I was going to speak. I sighed and he said in his British accent, "Sorry for making you guys wait so long, I had problems with the TARDIS." When he realized he had told us about the TARDIS thing(whatever it is), he then tried to hypnotize us into forgetting everything he said. My mom sighed and rolled her eyes. Finally, the Doctor gave up. Doctor Whooves put his glasses on, then stated, "Okay, so which one of you is Glittershy and what's the problem?" Glittershy meekly said, "That's me, and ask Fluttershy what's the matter," as she (obviously) pointed at me with a hoof. I cleared my throat, and said, "Well, lately Glittershy hasn't been sleeping or eating much. Also, she sometimes can barely get out of bed and she gets pale. Like today, she was too weak to even get dressed or do anything! And before she had this problem with these two ponies, she got straight A's. Now she gets straight F's." The Doctor rubbed his hooves together, then said, "Okay, now what is this "problem" you were talking about? I think that might be what is causing all of this." So, I told him. Glittershy's eyes were starting to tear up, and I thought she might start bawling. Finally, I finished talking, and looked up at Doctor Whooves. He said, "I think I know what the problem is. But, it isn't my business, so you should go to this pony." He shoved a business card into my mom's hooves, and she gave it to me. I looked at it, and saw it said this: Doctor T. Lily Psychiatrist 3439 Medical Lane, Ponyville Then, the Doctor continued, "She'll tell you the problem. Now, good bye!" I had a feeling that this was going to be fun!(not)
I've Decided I Don't Like FuneralsThoughts of Mercy I've Decided I Don't Like Funerals The funeral. Something I didn't enjoy. I've decided I don't like funerals. Some ponies, including me, told stories about Glittershy, and how they'll miss her, blah blah. I was thinking about how hypocritical they were. They were the ones who drove her to death. I talked about the same thing, but I was the only one who even deserved to talk at all. "Glittershy, as you all know, was my older sister," I said, starting my not-very-well prepared speech. Because it was my turn to speak, everypony's attention was on me. It was daunting to be the focus of everyone's attention. "Before," I didn't add ponies bullied her, "she was more than a big sister to me. She was a mentor, a teacher, and a friend. She helped me when I needed it, when others wouldn't offer any assistance. She even offered to help when I didn't need it. She was always there for me, so I tried to be there for her too." I can't believe I even said that. It made me seem like I wasn't good enough for her when she was depressed. "Even though Glittershy may be gone here in Equestria, she will stay in my heart forever. If I could say one more word to her, I would say 'Godspeed.'" I'm not sure ponies were touched by my speaking, but I hope. After the service, everyone (well, at least some ponies) put flowers on Glittershy's grave. I put three tiger lilies. I think my reason for three tiger lilies is that T. Lily was her doctor, which doens't really have to do with anything, and three represented Glittershy, my mother, and I. Now, because of recent events, it was just me and my mom. ~~~***~~~ A few weeks later, things had sort of settled at home and school. It seemed like I was the only one who even at least slightly missed Glittershy. Ponies never talked about her, not even my mom. I, like my sister, was invisible. No pony ever talked to me, except Rainbow Dash. I was used to this kind of treatment. I'm just not what you would call "popular filly material." I was fine like this, of course, except when during class, teachers never called on me to answer a question. I guess that's why some ponies think I'm stupid or dumb (I never talked about this before, but it's true. There are rumors about it); I never have or get a chance to prove my intellectual ability. It was almost like I was invisible. And of course the one time I embarrass myself, I get unwanted attention. I become infamous. And this action is over all the times I've done wonderful things - such as help other ponies. What is the world coming too? This thing that isn't even that bad happened during lunch, one nice day in April, months after Glittershy's departure from the world. I was walking to my seat next to Dashie, lunch tray in hoof, minding my own business. Suddenly, Scarlet Silver (remember her? annoying obnoxious meanie-pants?) appears in front of me. "Oh, hey, Fluttershy." She stresses the accent on the first syllable of my name, making it sound like an insult even though it isn't. "How are you? I heard that your stupid sister couldn't even survive on her own, and she killed herself. Considering how weak you are, you probably taught her how to do it, huh?" The foal around us who heard her laughed. Scarlet Silver's hurt me, because they were true, sort of. My sister, Glittershy, had killed herself, and I'll admit it myself - I am weak. But I was kind of offended that she would think that I taught my sister how commit suicide. I tried to walk away from the bully, away from my verbal torment, but as I stepped forward, Scarlet Silver put her hoof in front of me, and guess what? I tripped over it. I fell right on my face, which was on a tray full of now smashed food. I had made quite a clatter, and everypony looked at me. Then they all started laughing at the same time; Rainbow Dash even had barely succeded in smothering her giggles. I ran from the lunchroom, tears bursting from my eyes. I ran and ran, almost blinded, to a secluded room, which happened to be the fillys' bathroom. I locked myself in a stall for privacy, and let the tears run down my face.
Slipping into DarknessThought's of Mercy Slipping into Darkness I don't care about anything anymore. School, family, friends (even though I really only have one). They don't matter at all. The only thing that does matter is that Glittershy is gone. My sister, friend, and mentor isn't here in Equestria anymore. She is forever within my spirit, but nowhere else. Things started to change with me. I spent my days writing. I wasn't a very good writer, but I enjoyed it. I began working on a novel called Thorn of a Rose. I would never, ever publish it of course, but it was almost an obsession of mine to write a few pages every second I could. It consumed my life, filling the empty hole that Glittershy had left behind. Thorn of a Rose was the diary of a filly named Lavender who became depressed, because her best friend died of cancer. Lavender had to fight through the horrors of depression, and of course would eventually snap out of her melancholy and self-actualize and such. The story was based off of my own life. At least she was lucky. She had other friends who cared for her and actually try to help. I hadn't written an awfully a lot yet - just 50 or so pages. No one noticed I was changing. Rainbow Dash hadn't abandoned me, but she didn't seem to care about my problems, not that I wanted to force her onto them. I was almost perfectly fine letting her talk about Wonderbolts this and Wonderbolts that. However, I wish I could talk to her about the meaning of life, the definition of happiness, and the key to a perfect life. I didn't think that last thing is even possible. I wish it was. To put my changes in a nutshell, I was slipping into darkness. I'll admit that. Glittershy's compassionate warmth from when she was flesh and blood left me with a feeling of emptiness and incompletion. I was becoming depressed. Things weren't great at all, of course. I was such a tiny mark in Equestria and Cloudsdale, that even my own mother of all people didn't notice I had the same "illness" that Glittershy had. But that was probably just my mother's ignorance of ponies in general. She wasn't the most caring pony in the first place. I wish this wasn't happening. Believe me, if I, Fluttershy, could change fate and my brain, I would. Being depressed is not fun. If I could, I would. Believe me. I wish I could believe myself. ~~~***~~~ Thorn of a Rose Chapter 3: Slipping into Darkness It's a dark and stormy night, and other than the sound of thunder and rain pounding on the land, all was silent in the household. I was feeling melancholy and doodling in this, my diary. On the cover I had written in big threatening letters "Property of Lavender. If taken without premission, severe consequences." I was drawing roses. Ones with many thorns, in fact. The flowers sort of represented my life. Things seemed beautiful, but if you weren't careful, you would discover how terrifying, dangerous, and just melancholy life in general was. Don't you, whoever is reading my diary (hopefully no one will), wonder what is the meaning of life? Don't think "42." Why are we, ponies, living on this planet we call home? What are we supposed to accomplish and achieve, self-actualization? Why do we suffer the things we do? I for one, have to endure this pain of sadness all the time. I'm slipping into darkness all the time because of my pain. Why does the world make me suffer as I do now? Is this part of my journey to self-actualization? If yes, I wish it didn't have to be part of the adventure. It would be much easier to just realize without pain and be done with it. But like some ponies say, no pain, no gain. I wish that wasn't the case. The meaning of life might be to learn to love. It might not necessarily to learn why we are in Equestria. Well, I guess it sort of goes together. Learning to love might be on the path of self-actualization. I wish it was easy, but loving and finding your sould pony is easier said than done. Some ponies might think I'm too young to think about love and such, but I guess you're never too young. You just have to be mature enough and realize that love is more than just hooking up or some shallow school crush. It's commitment for another pony who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Didn't you wish that the journey of finding your soul pony, your special somepony, was simple and easy, like a straight line? Instead, it's full of twists and turns, and you may never know what's around the corner. The mistress of life, like many other creatures, is harsh and wants everypony to learn things the hard way. I understand actually experiencing things is better than just thinking you're prepared for one of life's tricks. There really is no shortcut to the "correct" finish line. You just have to use your judgement to make the best choice or decision, and hope for the best. I know this is how life works, but it doesn't mean I have to like it. I don't think many people like it. I wish life was easy; that it was simple, uncomplicated with no events that are confusing. I wish that ponies would know the right thing of what to do right away, so there was no chance of something bad happening. Unfortunately for me and every other pony, all things happen for a reason. I wonder for what reason I have to endure my suffering, my pain - my slipping into darkness.
Time Doesn't Always HealThoughts of Mercy Time Doesn't Always Heal It's almost been a year since Glittershy left the world and all of us. It's chilly December, and Christmas is in a few weeks. More than a foot of snow has fallen this winter. It covers the trees, buildings, and ground. Sparkling, colorful lights are hung up on arches, doorways, columns - anywhere that's near an electric outlet. Nativity scenes are set up in shop windows. In general Cloudsdale looked like a winter wonderland. Ponies are cheerful, especially foals who can't wait for Christmas break to start and for school to end. Even Scarlet Silver is a tiny bit nicer than usual. I'm almost willing to give her a second chance and let her be in my good books again. "Almost" is the key word there. Rainbow Dash's family is feeling very charitable lately, and giving my mother and I little holiday gifts and such. Even though I'm surronded by many joyful and vivid ponies, I'm still sad and grieving over Glittershy. Some ponies say that time heals wounds, but time doesn't always heal. My wounds may not be fresh and dripping with blood, but they're still sore and haven't completely healed. They're infectected, because the injuries haven't been properly cared for. I haven't gotten any treatment at all. Ponies haven't noticed I've changed. Wel, I guess that's part of my fault. I haven't really told anyone that I'm still grieving over Glittershy's suicide, because I don't want to seem selfish. I don't want to seem like I'm expecting pity, so I don't focus on my problems - I focus on other's. This method of coping sort of helps. I can forget about my own problems this way. It also makes me feel good to know that I'm making someone else's day better. Even though it's selfish, I can't help but wonder why ponies that I help don't notice that I'm not my usual at-least-somewhat-cheerful self. I didn't do tasks with as much joy. I just wasn't myself anymore. I wonder what it would take for other ponies to notice that I was different? Suicide? I hope not. I wish things weren't this way. ~~~***~~~ "How do you find the volume of a regular pyramid, Fluttershy?" Upon hearing my name, I jolt out of my daydream of fun with Glittershy. "Uh, pi times radius squared?" Miss Draner sighs at my answer. "Miss Fluttershy, please pay attention during class. Now, does anyone know the volume of a regular pyramid?" Scarlet Silver and her cronies giggle at my small reprimand. The villian herself whispers to her friends something about me being such an idiot. Miss Draner continues with her geometry lesson, the most boring of all math. She rambles on and on about volume of different figures. It's so uninteresting that I, once again, falll into a daydream. This time, it's about taking care of animals of all forms - bunnies, lizards, and bears. And, once again, I hear my name. "Fluttershy, what is the formula for finding the volume of a rectangular prism?" Fortunately this time, I'm able to answer correctly. "It is length times width times height." Miss Drane seems disappointed to not catch me off-guard, but she accepts my answer anyway. After almost an eternity of trying to pay attention, the bell rings and it's time for lunch. As always, I sit with Rainbow Dash. She's made some new friends, who all ignore me even though I try to be nice. I can tell these so-called "friends" only like Dashie because of how good she is at flying, and they probably would I know that's mean to think, but I can't help it. I truly believe this. Scarlet Silver saunters up to my table and says, "Hey, Fluttershy, how's it going, math genius?" Some of Rainbow Dash and Scarlet Silver's wannabes snicker and giggle, purposely making it just loud enough for ponies surronding us can hear, but not loud enough so that the lunch supervisors can hear. I mumble, "Please go away, if that's okay with you." The bully feigns surprise and innocence and replies, "Sorry, didn't catch that. What did you say?" I repeat my wishes. "Please go away, if that's okay with you!" Everyone, except for Rainbow Dash, all attempt to cover their giggles, but purposely let them escape. I wish that I could disappear. This is just plain mortifying. So, I snatch up my lunch tray and with the last of my dignity, stomp off to an empty corner of the lunchroom with tears in my eyes. I can't help but remember that this is the second time I've done something like that. ~~~***~~~ Thorn of a Rose Chapter 4: Time Doesn't Always Heal Draft Did my diary entries always begin like this? "It's a dark and stormy night." It seems like it, though it is true. Today is especially dark and stormy. All is calm inside, and all is clamor outside. Rain is destroying the landscape. I hope the animals outside are okay. I'm sure not. The saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is pure junk. Whoever said obviously has learned nothing about life or is just plain lying. I think the latter is more likely. Another saying that isn't always true is "time heals all wounds." For me, that's especially untrue. Some things leave a scar forever.
Glittershy's Story Part 4Thoughts of Mercy Glittershy's Story Part 4 So my mom, Glittershy, and I went to that mare psychiatrist, T. Lily. Her office building turned out to be her house. When I first looked at her actual office where she talks with her patients, I almost expected there to be skeletons hanging down from the ceiling. It was that creepy! Suddenly, a big black bug fell down from the ceiling! "AGH!!!" I shrieked. "It's just a spider, Fluttershy. Seriously, just calm down," my mother said, rolling her eyes. I nodded, but still, what if it's poisonous? What if it bites me? It would take more than my mother's words to make me better. T.Lily came in, sat down, and gestured for Glittershy to sit in a chair across from her. She asked her questions about stuff, and blah blah blah. Finally, she came to her conclusion. "Glittershy," T. Lily said, "you have mild depression." No one said anything. I have to say, none of us were surprised. Glittershy had lately acted, well, depressed. My mom payed T. Lily for her services, and we were about to leave when the psychiatrist shouted, "Wait! Here's some medicine you can try." T. Lily gave her, my mother thanked her, and we left. We got to our house, and we just spent the rest of the day doing nothing. ~~~***~~~ The next day, my mom went to the pharmacy to get some of the depression medicine. She told me to go to my (only) friend's house, Rainbow Dash, while Glittershy stayed home. I think my mom thinks that her "disease/virus" is contagious and I might "catch it", and I wanted to stay with Glittershy and comfort her, but, I didn't want to argue. I told Dashie about how Glittershy was sick, but she didn't want to listen. She wanted to tell me about how the Wonderbolts were having a show next week in Canterlot, so I let her. Apparently, she wanted to go, but her parents wouldn't let her since they were both busy with work, and they thought she was too young to go somewhere by herself. She kept on ranting, and ranting, and ranting, and I listened, and listened, and listened.. Finally, she paused for breath, and I said, "Glittershy's depression is really weird and she-" But Rainbow said, "Yeah, yeah, I know. Glittershy is depressed." Then she muttered, "Whatever that means." I tried to tell her what it meant, but she cut in and continued talking about the Wonderbolts. "So anyway, I'm trying to convince them, but they've got their minds set on having their own way. I mean, they should stop being so stubborn!" Hypocrite, I thought. Dash kept on ranting on and on, until I finally said quietly, "Rainbow, I need to go now." She didn't hear me, so I said loudly (which isn't very loud), "Um, Rainbow, I need to go!" She looked a bit surprised that I had interrupted her, but said, "Oh. All right. Bye." I waved bye and flew back home. When I was about to go in my house, I heard some crying. It was so sad and pathetic, I felt sad. I went to my room, and I heard Glittershy sobbing in hers. I wanted to make her feel better, but I thought it might make her feel worse. I sighed, and decided to sing one of my favorite songs, "Dark Side" by Kelly Canterson. It matched my mood. "There's a place that I know. It's not pretty there, and few have ever gone. If I show it to you now, will you run away? Will you stay, even if it hurts? Even if I push you out, will you ever return? And remind who I really am, please remind me who I really am." "Everybody's got a dark side. Do you love me? Can you love mine? Nobody's picture perfect, but we're worth it. You know that we're worth it. Will you love me? Even with my dark side? Like a diamond from black dust, it's hard to know what it can become if you give up. So don't give up on me. Please remind me who I really am. "Everybody's got a dark side. Do you love me? Can you love mine? Nobody's picture perfect, but we're worth it. You know that we're worth it. Will you love me? Even with my dark side? After I finished the chorus, I sighed again. I wish that life was picture perfect. Everything would be fine. I flopped onto my bed, and fell asleep.
Glittershy's Story Part 5Thoughts of Mercy Glitterhy's Story Part 5 When I wake up the next morning, I look at my clock. 8:17. Oh no, school starts at 8:20 and I'll be late! Again. I hurry up and eat, gather my things, bid my mother farewell, after she told me Glittershy was sick and she was staying home to take care of her. No wonder Glittershy didn't wake me up. I rush to school, and take my seat as soon as Miss Draner, my teacher starts class. Miss Draner drones instead of talks, and even her cutie mark is boring. It's a bunch of gray dots and dashes. When I sit down, I sit on a bit of my hair which gets pulled, so I let out a little eep. Someone behind me snickers. I don't need to turn around to see who it is - it's Scarlet Silver. She's the most popular/snobby/annoying filly in my class. She leans forward (she sits directly behind me) and whispers, "I heard your sister is retarded and demented. She must've gotten it from you." Her cronies who sit near her giggle. I whimper. Miss Draner drones on, and I'm only released from her teaching and Scarlet Silver's torture during recess, when I sit next to Dashie along with her other friends. Finally, school ends and I rush home. My mom is still home, not surprisingly, but what is surprising is that she had just pulled out a batch of cinnamon snickerdoodle cookies out of the oven, my favorite. They smell taintingly delicious. She says, "Hello, Fluttershy. I . . I have some news." I know immediately something is up. She then continues, "Glittershy . . . Glittershy . . ." I'm anxious about what happened to Glittershy. But even though I could've guessed what my mother would say next, it doesn't lessen the pain at all. "Fluttershy, honey . . .Glittershy is commited suicide. She's dead."
