I Never Agreed to This

"You... you can't be serious!"

"Twilight? You look, a little shaken, dear."

"Rarity, we are ALL shaken; umm, except me of course! This thing just fell from the sky, and I caught it like a pro!"

Eight ponies stood in a ring, themselves surrounded by vigilant guards, and looked down at the creature before them that lay in a sizable hole. The panic crazed crowd had been calmed and sent home, the colt that caused said panic being given a firm talk from his father. The remaining ponies were discussing the strange thing, except for Twilight, who couldn't believe her eyes.

"No... this is impossible..." The others had fallen silent, all eyes on her. Twilight looked at each of her friends in turn before speaking. "It's a human."

"HOLD IT! We're doing the post Equestria Girls timeline? What about the old one?!"

"I said this story would be better, and to maximize this I believe we should take it from the latest canon.

"Yea, but, what about that new princess we had? Princess... something-or-rather? She was meant to be our villain!"

"She was a new born foal! Turning her evil was one of the stupidest things this story has done! Now shut it, it's time for me to show you how to truly use the situation to our advantage."

The ponies froze up completely and simply stared. The new silence was soon broken by a groan from below, a hand reaching up from out of the hole. The group shuffled back, the guards taking their place, as the tall human staggered to his feet. His vision cleared, and he surveyed the area around him.

What he saw, was all too familiar. "No, oh no, oh please HELL NO!" He turned to a panicked state, spinning in circles, his breathing growing heavy and eyes going wild. "No! Not this again! I knew it couldn't be a dream; the talking slinky, that new-born abomination, THAT SEX CRAZED UNICORN AND HER DAMN MENTOR!"

Suddenly, he stopped, realizing that this story should probably be told in first person. Ahh, much better. Then I, surrounded by the ponies that had caused me hell, confusion, and the last thing I had wanted to experience in Equestria standing before me, decided that enough of reality was broken already.

"Ya know what? YA KNOW WHAT?! I quit. Just, just please, go away and let me die!"

"I NEVER AGREED TO THIS!"

^\/^\/(*)\/^\/^
Several months later, Equestrian Medical Center for the Mentally Unstable
^\/^\/(*)\/^\/^

Doctors milled around, sorting paper work and shuffling through desks. Not one of them were particularly looking forward to this day, not many of us were, yet here we are. I'm sitting in the more open version of the room I was originally given after my 'breakdown', which was apparently caused by the impact to my cranium plus the added shock of meeting creatures completely unfamiliar to me.

That's the public report anyway. In all honesty, not a single one of us understands what happened. The trauma I went through was real all right, my memories had been proof enough of that as we had somehow projected them; much to the disgust of Celestia and Twilight.

I suppose a more detailed explanation of my current scenario and surroundings might be needed.

After I crashed, again, into Equestria soil, I was found by the six of harmony, as I have come to call them, and the twin stars. Hey, when bored and stuck in a thick padded room, you soon replace everything you once knew with other shit to keep occupied. Yes, they had me in a thick padded room. I flipped multiple metaphorical coffee tables and went into a mixture of spasms, explosive diarrhea, and R.E.M. And not the band.

Since then, I've been cared for in the E.M.C.M.U. My current room, given to me for good behavior and improved sense of self-awareness, was still fairly plain, and still bloody white, with the exception of a bed, small desk with quill and paper to record my thoughts, and even a vending machine! The vending machine was courtesy of Pinkie Pie for my birthday. How she found a human vending machine, or figured out my birthday, is still a guess. Oh yea, I'm sixteen now. Woop de-fucking-do.

Still, I'm now just watching through the window by the locked door as the doctors get ready for my release. I'm recovered at a very remarkable rate, with one exception.

"Yo! Anyone wanna play checkers?"

"No, none of us here want to play. Besides, where the hell did you even get checkers from?

"I'll play, if you play with me... ya know, I move one to your black, you move one to my pink!"

"Since when the hell did we have Lust?"

Yeah, from what the doctors say, the personalities that were effected over the 'event' were heavily damaged, and in repairing themselves grew distant. They also may have the effect of 'taking turns'. They wouldn't elaborate.

The door clicks and I look over. In steps the purple pimple that I've been waiting for, Twilight. Her expression is somewhat excited and evenly worried out of her mind.

"Mixed! Nice to see you again, are you doing well?" Ahh, my new name, Mixed Sundry. Apparently it suited the situation at the time. Alrighty.

"Oh, my dear, today in just gorgeous! The nice fellows out there even put up some pictures of the town!" Slapping myself and giving my head a shake, I correct my words. "Just... dandy. This whole 'takings turns' is taking a toll on me."

Twilight flinched at my slap, self-harm not a great start to my new freedom. "Well let's get going, please? We've got to get you settled into your home. It's placed right next to mine so I'll be there to help if you need it."

"With ten feet high fences, I'm guessing?"

Twilight tried to hide her slightly shocked expression, but I caught it. I also caught her quick glance down.

"So, what have you got to stop me running wild."

"Ahh," She lead the way out of the place I'd called home for so long, I watched ponies go in afterwards to pack my stuff and start shipping it out. "Well to start off we have a couple of guards around at all times, just in case, nothing serious, hehehehe."

If my mentality wasn't out of whack, they'd leave me to my own devices. But since I have this problem, I'm under more watch than the average world-leaders cellphone. Twilight wasn't speaking much, and I was fine with the silence. It gave me mental space, which was incredibly rare these days; so I took the opportunity to daydream. Mostly about home.

We finally left the white corridors of the Medical Center and into sunlight, where a small battalion of guards awaited us. I winched, and cupped my balls, remembering.

"I NEVER AGREED TO THIS!"

"He's crazy! Get him!"

"OOOOOOWWWWWwwww... my... balls...

"Ahh, Princesses? I think we killed it."

Yeah, great times.

"Hey, you see the one with that slight smirk? Bet it was that guy, ya should pay back the favor."

"I don't think so, I'm lucky enough that I'm being let-"

"Dude. You should pay attention more often."

"Huh?"

"He's attacking the private! Pin him, quickly!"

"I can't feel my children!"

"Owned, ya fucker!"

^\/^\/(*)\/^\/^
Ten minutes later
^\/^\/(*)\/^\/^

We arrived at my new home, one less guard and a few less of my teeth. It seemed quite homely and simple, painted brown to match the tree it was attached to and looks to have about four rooms. "Nish plashe."