Second Wind

Grief. Noun. Intense mental anguish. Deep sorrow surrounding death. A fitting defintion, you thought.

Your right eye was free from Rainbow Dash's coat, and you used it to look around. You hope to come back here again soon, and hopefully retain your sanity, because it really was beautiful. The gray grass surrounded both Rainbow Dash and yourself, as did the gray trees. With each gust of wind, a few purple leaves would blow off, and float their way to the forest floor. You also noticed that the only flowers the grew around here were a bright white. It added to the feeling the forest gave you.

You began to ponder your many escapes from this situation. Suicide was always there, but it wouldn't solve your problems. You would die not knowing any answers, knowing any peace. You could always try to render yourself amnesiac again. But you would inevitably have to relive it all again. Would talking about it help? If you were to confess your past to these ponies, would it help you? You have much on your mind. Luckily, Rainbow Dash does something that comforts you more than you thought it would.

She takes her hoof, and gently strokes your hair, going towards your forehead.

"Hey there big guy. You wanna talk about it?" You're pretty sure she just kissed the top of your head. Maybe it was her hoof. You shake your head. You hate the fact that you feel like such a little kid. After all of the things that you've apparently done, you should be emotionless. You should be nothing more than an empty vessel. But you can feel the pain. The hurt. Rainbow Dash lets out a silent giggle.

"That's okay Aaden. I just want you to know, I'm here for you. I know that you probably don't feel the same way about me, but I like you a lot. Even if we were just friends, I would be happy. You're a great guy. I can't think of anything you could have done that would make me think otherwise."

How about killing a man?

She continues stroking your hair. You're pretty sure that another kiss was just pressed against your head.

"Aaden, I know you don't wanna talk about it, but whatever it is, think about it for a moment. You are obviously very sorry for whatever happened. It's kinda rare for someone to be sorry because they legit regretted what they did, rather than be sorry because of the consequences, ya know?"

Holy shit. She has a good point.

You take a long, trembling breath. Her grip gets a little tighter.

"Ya know, crying helps. I know that sounds really cliché and lame and stuff, but it does. And I won't judge you." You clear your throat.

"No...no, I think I've got it all out of me."

You're sorry because you regret your actions. You are legitimately sorry.

You cough, being sure to hold your head away from her coat. You stagger to your feet, and stretch. The breeze from the forest is calming you. You take a few steps away from Rainbow Dash, and observe the trees. They move and sway in the exact same direction, with every gust of wind that travels through the forest.

I'm here Alan. I'm here.

From what you could gather, you have lived three lives. The life of a mercenary. The life of a man seeking retribution. And now this life. You then have an epiphany. One that bothers you, because of it's simplicity.

I've already overcome this once. I can do it again. I just have to remember how.

I've got to talk to someone about this.

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You had just finished up your little restroom adventure, and you began making your way through the forest.

You were no psychologist, but Aaden really seemed hesitant to talk about himself personally. Humans, Humanity, and Earth were all fine topics, but when it came to his life, and who he was, he seemed reluctant. Like he didn't want to. You were sure he was telling the truth about what he did decide to tell you, but you weren't entirely sure if it was the whole truth. I mean, you were absolutely sure that Aaden was a good guy, but maybe he figuratively tripped and fell at some point in his life, and he is ashamed of himself. We all fall sometimes. But no one remembers the fall. It's how we pick ourselves up, that people remember.

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Your heart beats with anxiety. You have to tell someone. You have to tell someone what you've done. You can't hold it in any longer. It's ripping you up on the inside, it's going to literally kill you unless you kill yourself first.

"Hey, Dash?" You turn around, and look at her. She smiles at you. "Could you come here for a second?" She giggles.

"Totally." You lie down on your back in the grass, and stare at the sky. She lies down next to you.

"Dash. I'm going to tell you something very important. You can't tell anypony. Not even Tank." She looks at you with curiosity.

"Of course Aaden. What is it?" Adrenaline starts to course through your veins. You take a deep breath.

You tell her everything. The voices. The memories. Anthony's constant following you. Your saving of the child and her father. The raid on the human trafficking compound. The way you killed several men. The last stand and death of Alan. The more and more you recount the stories, the more and more you hurt. You can feel the tears coming again.

"I-I just, that wasn't me. I don't know why I did those things. " You started to let the tears run down your face.

"I look back on it, and it was like I was just, looking at myself in third person. Like I had no control." You bring your hands up to your head, and put them over your eyes.

"And God, Alan. The way he looked at me. The way he smiled while he died in my arms..." You tell her about the conversation you two had shared in his final moments.

"I was notorious for being the "good guy" in the IMO. Alan wanted to serve alongside me, because he felt the same way I did about their operations. Disgusted. We enlisted both originally enlisted for the money, the power. But it all means NOTHING when you see what you're doing. What you're really doing. And then you have to live with it. The pain. The hurt." You took a deep breath, and wiped away some of the tears.

"I'm a monster. I don't know what happened to me, to lose all of my memories, but I deserved it. I'm a monster." You sobbed in your hands. It felt good to let it out. Bittersweet, but relieving, none-the-less. Rainbow Dash then surprised you beyond your wildest belief.

She put her forelegs around you, and held you again. Closer, this time. You could hear her crying, too.

"Aaden. She sniffed. "I meant what I said. You're a great guy. Listening to those stories..." She sniffed slightly harder. "I can feel your pain. That's how strong it is. Aaden, I know you. I know you're sorry for what you did." She now rolled on top of you, and squeezed you super hard. She stopped for a moment, and looked into your eyes.

"The fact that you always tried to do the right thing is all that matters. Even when you were in it for the awful things, you still tried to do the right thing. You tried so hard..." She squeezed you again, burying her face into your chest.

You never found yourself attracted to Rainbow Dash, and even now you weren't, but it was nice that she understood.  You found yourself to be very comfortable with her now. You fully expected her to dart off into the forest, and tell the others. You wouldn't be surprised if they would have you executed. You would have welcomed it, if that was the case. As silly as it seems, you both cried together, sharing the same pain that emanated from deep within your mind and soul.

You both finally calm down, and just lay there together. You manage to get the courage to speak.

"Dash. I killed someone. I can't take that back." Rainbow Dash had stopped crying now, and was now looking right in your eyes again.

"You did what you had to do. It was either them or you. Besides, the humans that you killed, they seemed as if they kind of deserved it. I mean, if ponies were kidnapping each other from the streets and selling them, I'm sure the Royal Guard wouldn't spare their swords, if you know what I mean." Rainbow Dash really was making you feel better. She had good points.

"Aaden, I'm sure the other ponies would understand, as well. While we may look all cute and junk, we're no strangers to war or anything. I'll gladly keep this information to myself, but I'm 100% sure they'll understand." You look away from her, but she uses her hoof to push your face back, lining your eyes back up.

"I'll meet with Celestia. I'll see if there is any way she can show everyone my memories. We'll have a little meeting with everyone, you girls, the Honor Guardsman, just so there will be no mistrust. I feel like if I could show them, it would be better than just coming out and confessing it, ya know?" Rainbow Dash nodded her head.

"Well, Aaden, I just want you to know..." She twiddled her hooves while she laid on top of you. "I'm always here for you. If any more of those awful dreams come back to you, you can talk to me!" She then kissed your forehead. She climbed off, and stretched, just as you did earlier. You still laid on the floor of the forest, hands behind your head, watching the clouds. You were actually starting to feel slightly better. Granted, you would only feel completely better once this is all said and done with Celestia and everyone, but to talk about it with Rainbow Dash, and to know that she understand, completely washes away the anxiety. At least you knew what to expect.

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Your day was pretty boring. No music, no crowds, no drinks. You just sat at your hotel, waiting for time to pass. If it wasn't for Aaden, you'd be back home in Ponyville, bothering Octavia. You ultimately decide that Aaden was worth it. You just finished your shower, and had a towel wrapped around your body.

There was a knock at your door. You walked to it, and opened it up. There stood Aaden. By himself.

Hmm...

You decide to let your towel droop a little.

That'll get his attention!

"Hey Vinyl. I just dropped by to let you know, I'm inviting you to a night out at the castle. Celestia and I are holding a party. One to better acquaint everyone with me. It's tomorrow, at 8 pm. Think you can make it?"

You're supposed to be at some nightclub tomorrow at 6. It can wait.

"Absolutely, I'll be there, honor-boy. Wanna come inside?" Aaden shakes his head.

"Sorry Vinyl, but I've got to make sure I invite everyone. Maybe another time." He says a goodbye, and leaves.

You'll get him soon Vinyl. You'll get him real soon.

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Aaden was out inviting all the ponies he could to the impromptu party to discuss the things he had revealed to you in the forest. You weren't lying when you said you understood. Because you totally did. It surprised you a little, absolutely. But it didn't change your view or opinion of him. Nor your attraction to him. When in situations like that, nobody knows how they will react. Aaden just happened to make sure he did the right thing, which was incredibly respectable. It was getting late. You decided to climb into bed, and try to get some sleep.

Tomorrow would go smoothly. Worst case scenario, Aaden gets rejected, and he runs away with you.

Sounds good to me.

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You pull back the comforter, and slide into bed next to Rarity. Poor pony has been up to something, she's been out all day for the past two days, doing something. When you climbed into bed, your bodies were like magnets. Almost immediately did she turn over, and assume her usual position on top of you. You kissed her forehead. You could only hope that everything would remain the same tomorrow. That she would still love you. Sleep soon sat in, carrying you away once more.

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A family of four cowered and shook in fear inside of one of the many houses that had just become apart of a war zone. You heard someone yell at you.

"LOCKE! LEAVE THEM! THE PAYLOAD IS DROPPING IN 5 MINUTES!" You could then hear the rapid fire of a handgun. You walked slowly towards them, your hands off of your weapon, and you were sure to speak calmly.

"My name is Aaden, I'm going to get you out of this. Stay with me, okay?" They all seemingly nodded in fear. You opened up their back door, and darted out, the family in tow. Running from building to building, you eventually reached the extraction zone. As the helicopters began to land, a soldier hopped out, and held his hand up, stopping the family from boarding.

"Sorry. IMO use only." You walked over to him.

"Captain Aaden Locke. Pathfinder. I am above your jurisdiction. These 4 are coming with me. They're the only survivors."

"Well, sorry 'superman', but this helicopter will be too packed. We only have enough space for 3 more after everyone has boarded. ." You seemingly entered a staring match with him.

"Fine. I won't board. You take these 4, and leave me behind." He threw his hands up in the air.

"Are you insane? You're going to die for these people?" You grabbed him by his collar, and pulled him to your face.

"NO. ONE. ELSE. DIES. TODAY. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?" The soldier nodded briskly. You let go, albeit with a push. "Get them to the nearest town they request, ASAP." He ushers them into the hull.

"And what about you? The damn bombers will be here any second." The final remnants of your soldiers board the helicopter.

"Looks like I'm going for a jog."