Rarity on Earth

by whatmustido

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Comedy, Rarity
Length: 23759

Rarity finds herself on Earth after a failed experiment by everyone's favorite purple unicorn. What sort of shenanigans will Miss Rarity find in a plane without her friends?

You are Rarity, and you are not that much a fan of Twilight right now. After she got you stuck in this strange new world, you've been wondering just how you'll get home. And when you first meet the denizens of this strange realm, your confusion and desire to return home only begin to grow. What's a lady to do?

Published 2013-01-21 03:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-24 23:12:45 UTC

New Arrivals

You are Rarity, and you are never assisting Twilight with another spell again. It was set to be such a nice day off. You had a spa reservation with Fluttershy and a first date with a nice stallion you met in Canterlot lined up.

He was rich, too…

And now you’re in the middle of nowhere, or at least nowhere that you know of. You admit that you never spent much attention to geography, though you always promised you would just in case your horn led you on another rock hunt.

You just keep following this strange black surface you stumbled upon. The last sign you saw said ‘Speed Limit 55,’ whatever that means. Fifty-five what? Miles? Pah, that’s impossible!

As you slowly trudge your way down the… road? Whatever it is, you slowly start to hear a rumble coming from ahead of you. No pony creation that you know of makes that kind of noise. Only monsters and dragons—not that most of them are more than monsters—make that kind of noise.

You trot off the road, trying to find a place to hide in the undergrowth that isn’t too dirty. You mutter unladylike words as your attempts fail and you get mud on your coat. You reluctantly settle in and wait to watch the monster pass.

Less than five minutes later, you find yourself very surprised as something shiny shoots by you at a ground speed that should be simply impossible. You’ve seen Rainbow Dash go that fast or faster in the air, but you never imagined anything could be that fast on the ground!

You wait until you couldn’t hear it anymore before crawling out of the brush and looking both ways before continuing the way you were walking, toward where the monster had come from.

You walk for over five hours before you found the first signs of civilization, not that it was much. An abandoned building lay in vines and bushes. As you poke around inside of it, you quickly come to the conclusion that it was not made by ponies.

Nopony but maybe Applejack would create a building so ugly, even in its prime: It had a rusted metal roof of some kind and walls of wood that looked like they had never felt a paintbrush’s kiss. There was just a single large room and a rotted wooden floor.

You have to light your horn up just to see the interior, not that there was much to see. A bed frame that you wouldn’t trust was all that was here. You poke it with your hoof and it falls apart.

With a sigh, you walk outside and begin gathering vines that Applejack pointed out as nonpoisonous on your camping trip. You rip them down and drag them inside to use as a terrible makeshift bed.

Your sleep was restless and uncomfortable. You wake up with a shriek when you felt something crawling across your back and fling the many-legged insect away with so much force it explodes upon hitting the wall. Your horn lights up the rest of the room and you whimper at the amount of crawling you see.

If you were Twilight you would teleport to the roof and sleep there. After slapping yourself for getting Rarity lost in the middle of nowhere, of course.

With a very complicated spell (for you), you shoot a small circle of fire around you, killing all the creepy-crawlies around you and hopefully dissuading others from coming at you.

You smile at the memory of when your mother first taught you that spell.

Your smile disappears when you smell smoke. You sniff, looking around the room. Your eyes shrink to pinpricks when you realize your terrible bedding is now on fire. You go to stomp it out before you realize you were sleeping next to the wall.

In a very old, dry wooden house.

You sprint out just as the old building catches aflame. You quickly gallop down the road, looking back every now and then.

When you think you were half a mile away, you stop and watch the building burn, feeling very happy you weren’t still in there.

As the building crumbles, you sigh and turn around before jumping back in shock.

A strange creature was pointing a long stick right at you. You could barely see it in the dark, and it was wearing dark clothes so that didn’t help.

Your ears droop as you slowly take a step back. “Um… Hello?”

His eyes open wide and the stick explodes. You feel something whooshing right by your head. You screech and run into the woods. You couldn’t hear anything as you push through briars and bushes to get away from the monster.

After a few minutes of running, you stop, hearing pursuit. “Little horse thing? I didn’t mean to scare you! Did you really talk?”

You kneel down and consider your options. You don’t know what that stick was actually doing; for all you know it was a magical get-well machine.

And you are the element of generosity. That means you’re generous with forgiveness.

You very slowly edge out of the cover you had jumped into when you heard its voice. You could see a flash of light pointing around as the animal moved forward, looking for you.

“H… Hello?” You’re quiet, hoping not to make him jump this time.

The light stick points directly at you and you flinch, closing your eyes and looking away. “Shit, sorry.” The light points at your hooves, illuminating your lower body. “What… what are you?”

“I could ask you the same! I’ve never seen anypony that looks like you! Or that wears those clothes at night…”

You look him over again. In the light that’s bouncing off your legs, you could see that he was wearing camo-pattern clothes that cover his entire body, reminiscent of what you wore during the dragon migration.

You could barely see his teeth as he smiles. Your eyes widen when you see two sharp teeth, but you learned from Fluttershy that the flat teeth mixed with sharp means he’s an omnivore. Dragons are the only omnivores that you know of that eat other sentient animals.

Even griffins stick to animals that can’t talk.

“Sorry for spooking you, girl. I’ve… I’ve never seen a real unicorn before.” He reaches a hoo—claw out to poke your horn but you jerk back.

“How rude! How would you like it if I touched your horn?!”

His hand quickly pulls back. “Sorry! I told you I’ve never seen a unicorn; I don’t know how you expect me to know etiquette for dealing with one.”

You take a moment to think over what he said. “Apology accepted. I understand. When one touches a unicorn’s horn… Well, horns are sensitive.”

You mumble the last word, embarrassed at discussing such an awkward topic with a stranger, but he seems to have gotten the meaning. His smile turns to a grimace and he wipes his hand off, as if he felt dirty.

Now you really feel insulted, but you don’t find his appearance very appealing either.

You clear your throat and say, “You seem to know what I am, but I have no idea what you are.”

He holds out a claw. “I’m… Well, call me Anonymous. I’m a human. And,” he says, rattling his boom stick in his other hand, “a poacher.”

You don’t like the sound of that last one, but politeness demands that you shake his claw. You reach out and he wraps his claw around it. “Rarity, pony and unicorn. I’m a fashionista.”

“A fashionista? Out here?” He laughs as he looks around, letting your hoof go and grabbing his boom stick with both hands. “What do you make clothes for, the bugs?”

You puff out your cheeks and glare at him. “I’ll have you know that I designed a dress for Princess Celestia herself! And for each of the Elements of Harmony!”

“You mean your little pony princess and all your little unicorn friends?”

You’re not stupid. You know when you’re being talked down to. “Yes! But not all of them are unicorns. Believe me or not, I need to get home. My pet cat needs to be fed and I need to be there in case any emergencies plague the realm.”

You hear a loud click as one of his hands move and something flies out of the stick to hit you on the face. His hand goes back to where it was with another loud click.

“Lady, you and me both need to get home. With that damn fire you made and all the screeching you’ve been doing, I ain’t gonna find nothing out here worth shooting tonight. Come on, I’ll give you a place to sleep for the night while we figure out just what the fuck I’ll do with you.”

He turns around and walks back the way he came. You are rather tempted to turn around and walk the other way. Every instinct was screaming at you to do so.

But he was the only pon—thing that you found that could talk. You sigh and reluctantly follow. “So… What was that noise that stick made?”

He laughs. “Lady, that would have been your death if I hadn’t jumped. Sorry about that, by the way. It ain’t every day that you find a mythological creature that can talk.”

You admit to being horrified by the way he casually mentioned almost killing you. But it was an accident. Still… how? You were about to ask when he spoke up.

“So how did you light that fire? And why? Is the pretty little pony an arsonist?”

“If you must know, it was an accident. I was trying to deal with a little bug problem when the building just… caught fire.”

“The building got lit up while you were stomping on bugs? How did that happen? Did you somehow find my stash and use the lighter or something?”

“I was using magic.”

He stops and you bump into him. “Did you say magic?” he asks as he turns.

“Well, yes. I am a unicorn?”

He scoffs. “Show me some of this ‘magic’ of yours.”

Your horn lights up and you grab his light stick with your magic, attempting to jerk it from his hand. His grip was stronger than your magic, however, so he held onto it.

But he’s definitely surprised; his mouth drops open and you hear him mutter, “Magic… How?”

“How? We simply do it. It’s just… magic.”

He points a claw at you as he turns around. “You’re going to have a fun time telling that to a scientist if the guvmint ever catches you.” He continues walking.

After a second you follow him. “What’s a… guvmint? And why would they catch me?”

“Shorthand for government. We in the business use shorthand sometimes. Long story short, if the government catches you, they’ll put you in a lab and cut you open or something.”

Now that definitely makes you uncomfortable. If this land’s government is so hostile, how are you going to get home?

“So… just what kind of business are you in? Can your associates help get me home?”

“Lady, I’m in the business of breaking the law. I’m just a poacher, but out here in the sticks you’ll find plenty of lawbreakers like me. I got contacts all over this place that’ll help keep you out of the law’s long arm while you figure out how to get home, wherever the hell home is for you.”

You have no desire to deal with… criminals. But if he’s correct about the government coming after you, you’d rather be safe than risk being cut open.

“…Very well. But you’ll simply have to let me do something about your clothes.” When he bursts out laughing you knew you were in for one tartarus of a trip.

After nearly half an hour of walking, he stops in front of a metal monster. He had to assure you multiple times that it was safe before you would even get near it.

He pulls something out of a pocket and pokes the monster with it. He turns it and grabs a handle before the monster’s mouth opens. You jump behind him and see him put his ‘shotgun’ inside of it.

He pushes something on the mouth’s side and you hear a dull clicking. He walks over to the other side. “Come on.” You follow him as he opens another mouth.

You squawk in indignation as he wraps his claws around you and puts you inside. “Unhoof me!”

He grins and does so, leaving you in the monster. He slams the mouth shut behind you and you leap to the mouth on the other side before he jumps in. You slam into him.

“Rarity, stay on your side.” He pushes you back over and slams the mouth on his side shut. “This is a truck, not a monster.” He pokes the monster’s… eye? What’s an eye doing on the inside?

With a flick of his wrist, the monster roars and you scream again. His eyes jerk shut as his claws move to his ears. “Will you fucking STOP that shit? Christ lady, it’s the black women that are supposed to scream like that!”

You calm down when you realize the lack of chewing and digestion going on. He nods at you. “Thank you!” One of his hands goes to the eye while the other goes to the side. One of his feet moves and then one hand does.

The monster slowly starts moving. He speaks up again. “Alright, I know you’re confused. This is called a truck, or an automobile. It isn’t a monster. It’s a method of transportation. Trust me, you’ll see these things everywhere.”

You look out of the transparent mouth and your mouth drops as the scenery moves by at a speed that scares you.

“Crash course time. You’re looking out the window. The door is what I pushed you through. What I’m holding is the wheel. What I should be wearing but not is the seatbelt. It’ll save your life in the event that I have a full retard moment and hit something. The wheel controls the truck. If you push the button over there the window will roll down.”

You push your hoof down but nothing happens. He laughs. “They’re designed for fingers, not hooves. Use some of that fancy magic of yours.”

Yes, your magic has a much better reaction. A dull whirring is quickly replaced by a roaring as the window slowly descends and air rushes in.

“Stick your head out,” he yells over the wind.

Your mane is ruined anyway. With a filly-like grin on your face, you stick you head out, holding onto the base of the window with your hooves.

You laugh at the sensation. Is this what Rainbow Dash feels like every time she flies? No wonder she’s always in the air!

The effect is ruined with a bug slams into your cheek.

You jerk back into the truck and groan in pain, rubbing the spot with your hoof. He laughs at your misfortune. “Yeah, I remember the first time I hit a bug at this speed. Hurt like a bitch.”

He hoofs you a towel made of paper and you rub the filth off your face as the window rolls up by itself. You don’t know how something hurts like a dog. You’ll have to ask Winona when you get home.

“I have a set of master controls over here. Sit back and get comfortable, lady. First rule of breaking the law: Don’t break it in your own backyard. It’ll probably be half an hour before we get to my pad.”

“…You live in a pad?”

“House. My house. Heh, lady of your standards might not call it that, though.”

Anonymous tells you a little about his world on the way to his home. You weren’t in Equestria anymore, that’s for sure.

“This world of yours sounds… horrible!” You were driving into his ‘driveway’ at the moment.

“It sure ain’t peaches and cream, that’s for sure.” With another flick of his wrist, the machine rattles off, the roar dead. “Wait there, I’ll open the door on the other side.”

He grabs his shotgun and opens his door, stepping out. You telekinetically pull the handle on your door, but nothing happens. You see him walking around and opening it. “Sorry, the inside handle is broken.”

He reaches in to pick you up again but you slap his claws away and hop out with the grace of a lady.

Meaning your leg got caught on a strap and your face slams into his crotch. He falls to the ground with a groan of pain, his shotgun falling to the ground.

Your face blushes bright as you move around to get your leg unstuck. You tumble out and add an insult to Anon’s injury by landing on top of him. “Whyyy?” he groans.

“Um…” Aren’t you terribly embarrassed? You jump off him and mumble some quiet apologies as he tries to collect himself.

Well… at least you know how to immobilize him now if you need to.

After two minutes of waiting, he finally manages to stand. He slams the door shut as he glares at you. You sheepishly grin and pick up his shotgun with magic, passing it to him.

You weren’t sure of the wisdom of giving a weapon to somepony you just injured, but your judgment was proven correct when he just snatches it out of the air and walks away, grumbling.

You sigh, knowing this needs to be fixed.

“I do apologize, Anonymous. I didn’t realize you had such a weak spot there! I just wanted to show you that I’m not helpless.”

“Well, I definitely know that now. You’re very good at headbutting my balls. You keep that horn away from my jimmies.”

“I have no intention of starting a fight, Anon.”

You really didn’t, either. But you left the subtle warning there that you were very willing to end a fight if he starts one. Part of being an Element of Harmony meant getting advanced personal defense weapons from some very cute guards.

Not that you really expect him to, of course. Anon may have a few… rough edges… but he doesn’t seem like a bad po—person. You expect him to be manageable.

When he opens his door, you almost scream again. A deer’s head gives a lifeless stare to you from a wall. You back away from the door and Anonymous, horrified beyond all belief.

He turns back and sees the expression on your face. He gives you a confused look before looking back inside. “Oooh…” He turns back to you. “Rarity, humans are the only sentient species on the planet. We kill animals for food. I promise to not hurt you unless you give me a good reason to.”

You gulp, trying to force your legs to run away. Anon didn’t seem like a murderer… And you didn’t have any indication that what he said about humans being sentient was a lie. You close your eyes and take a moment to collect yourself before taking a deep breath and letting it out.

You quietly whisper, “You can do this, Rarity. You faced down a dragon.”

Your eyes go to Anon’s shotgun.

You faced down a dragon alright, but that was with your friends, and that dragon at least had to take a deep breath before shooting flames at you. You gulp before nodding.

“I can do this…” You follow him in. He flips a switch on the wall and lights flicker on. “Magic?”

“Electricity.” He walks over to the wall and pulls the deer’s head down. “Wait here for a moment. Don’t break anything.”

He carries the shotgun and the… head… out. You take a look around his living room. It’s… filthy seems too light of a word. You walk over to a picture frame and grab it with magic.

It shows Anonymous with… some other human with longer hair and a bigger chest. “Who’s this?”

You weren’t expecting an answer, and with how quiet your voice was you didn’t expect him to even hear you. You were wrong.

“Old girlfriend. We broke it off a few years ago. I would have gotten rid of the picture, but… Well, I don’t exactly spend much time in here.”

You float the picture back to its resting place. “Right… I can tell.” He was lying. You could tell, alright.

“You hungry? I got… Shit, you can’t eat meat, can you?”

“Well… I can, but I’d greatly prefer not to.” You shudder, remembering that time Rainbow Dash dared you to eat some of Fluttershy’s meat stores.

His eyebrows lift. “I always thought horses couldn’t eat meat.”

You jerk back at that word. “Please, Anon, ponies. That word… means something bad where I’m from. And yes, most of us do not eat meat. However, we certainly can eat it. I don’t suppose you have any daffodils?”

He looks around his room. “Wait here. Look around the house if you want.”

He walks over to the main door and leaves the building. You see him in a window going across the street to another house with a garden and that’s when you stop watching, opting instead to study your new temporary place of residence.

You walk around the house and take in its lack of order. “This simply will not do.”

Your horn lights up as you begin to rearrange his living room, trying to make it live up to its name of ‘living.’ You give up your attempts when Anon walks in carrying an assortment of flowers cut off by their stems.

“Can’t say I’m not a good host,” he laughs, holding up the flowers.

“Yes, and you only had to steal to do it. Really, Anonymous, I could have settled for any kind of green food!”

…

“Do you want the stupid flowers or not?”

You may not approve of stealing, but he did have a nice set of chrysanthemums…

“I’m only doing this because I’m hungry.” Your magic pulls the flowers away from him and you crunch away at them. “They’re… gamey, but good. I don’t suppose you have any carrots?”

He shrugs and enters a kitchen area. You follow and—

“SWEET CELESTIA!” You see a cockroach slink away when Anon flicks on a light switch. Dishes crowd the sink and you smell mold.

“That’s a fair reaction. I guess when I had no one to hold me accountable, I sort of let myself go. I’ll clean some in the morning.”

“I… I don’t think I’m hungry anymore…”

He shrugs. “Well, I’m tired and you probably are as well. Bed or couch?”

“…Is the bed as bad as the couch?”

He just grins.

Author's Note

If you want to, for whatever reason, read the original greentext version, http://pastebin.com/DXR9zYSf

Culture Shocks

When you wake up from your extended slumber, you quickly hop off Anonymous’s bed, shuddering at the feeling of filth on your coat. You were already muddy and covered lightly in soot and other unwanted messiness, and now you’ve added months of human sweat and… stuff.

You immediately begin looking for a washroom, both for a shower and to… relieve yourself. You gasp in shock when you find it. While every other part of the house is covered in grime and is messy, the bathroom is flawless!

You aren’t about to look a gift monkey in the mouth. With that in mind, you go over to inspect the toilet.

No, that simply will not do. You uncomfortably eye the bathtub.

“Rarity, you have truly been brought low…”

When you were finished with your business, you inspected the knobs on the tub. You played around with them until water started pouring down from the nozzle at the top, spraying down on you. It was cold, but your coat protected you well enough and cold water is better for your mane.

Anything that’s good for it after the abuse you put it through is okay in your mind. You hum a delightful tune as you take your time in cleaning yourself.

Anon doesn’t have any high class soaps or shampoos, but you figured that would be the case. Maybe you can whi—complain until he gets some for you.

Although you really shouldn’t take advantage of his hospitality. He was nice enough to put you up for the night and for presumably as long as you were willing to stay.

Though you have to wonder… if he’s a criminal, why wouldn’t he just sell you out? Or… or was he doing that already?

Running crosses your mind, but you know that either way you wouldn’t get far. If Anon sold you out then it would be over. If you ran and got caught, it would be over. Better to risk staying with Anon than risk getting caught by somepony else.

You sigh as you turn off the water, finally clean. You’ll have to ask him if he has a brush for your mane and your coat, but you look much better than you have since you got to this strange new world.

You open the cabinet that seems most likely to hold a towel with your magic. Empty. You continue opening cabinets in search for some way to dry yourself off. Your search finds nothing but a variety of strange human items.

Eventually you’re forced to admit that he had nothing you could dry yourself off with. You are very tempted to sob, but big mares don’t cry. Crying solves nothing, after all.

Instead, you begin shaking like a dog. It’s messy, inefficient, and if somepony ever saw you doing it you would die of embarrassment, but it gets the job done.

…It also get water all over Anon’s bathroom. You blush, thinking of the horrendous mess you’ve made.

You want to clean up after yourself, but you aren’t going to risk using another heating spell after what happened before. You would use a towel, but the lack of them is what put you in the situation in the first place.

With a sigh, you resolve to leave it alone and make up for it by helping him clean the rest of the house.

You leave the bathroom and walk into the living room to find Anon snoring loudly from the couch. You want to wake him up… but maybe if you wait the mess in the bathroom will dry up.

Instead, you walk into the kitchen. You start to clean, but a very loud rumble from your stomach stops you. It was then that you remember that aside from those flowers Anon stole, you hadn’t eaten in over a day.

You eye the refrigerator with a look of trepidation. Anon asked last night if you ate meat. That means that almost all he has is meat… Right?

You open it with your magic, expecting the worst.

…

Why does he have hay bacon? And eggs! A smile forms on your face. You can work with this. And you can thank him for his kindness by cooking breakfast for him!

You pull the ingredients out with magic and manage to find a clean pan hidden away in a cabinet. When you turn to the stove you’re stumped momentarily; you’re not used to having to stand on your hind legs to cook.

But you are Rarity, element of generosity, and you will repay Anon’s kindness with good cooking.

After eating some yourself, of course.

You quickly get breakfast started, the smell of… that doesn’t smell like hay bacon. You look at the package again and see ‘bacon’ in clear letters. You shrug and shove the package back in, not bothering to read any more.

The eggs smell okay, at least.

Soon enough, breakfast is ready. You find a single plate that was clean enough to eat off and pile scrambled eggs and hay bacon onto it.

You bring it over to the table and take a seat in a chair that’s way too big for you. Smiling, you take your first bite of alien-made hay bacon.

…

THIS ISN’T HAY BACON! THIS ISN’T HAY BACON AT ALL!

You go to spit it out before stopping, actually taking a moment to taste the strange alien food. You slowly chew it, letting the unique flavor seep into your mouth.

It’s… not hay bacon, but… but it’s good.

You hop down from your chair and walk over to the fridge again, opening it to read the label.

When you do, you find that it’s definitely not hay bacon.

It’s pork.

Pig.

You, Rarity, just ate animal flesh.

…

And Celestia help you, it tasted wonderful.

You should be vomiting and crying, begging for the forsaken pig’s forgiveness.

Instead you find yourself shoving the uncooked bacon back in the fridge and sitting down for more, in a daze.

Why… why is it so good? Is it some human trick? Or some human secret?

You don’t even notice when Anon joins you at the table. “Rarity? You alright?”

You flinch, jerking your head up to look at him. Put simply, he looks terrible. “Am I alright? What happened to you?”

He waved a claw. “I’m not a morning person. I’ll make some breakfast burritos and some coffee and I’ll be good.”

You don’t know what a burrito is, but you do know he doesn’t need to waste his time when you made him a perfectly good breakfast! “Anon, I made you breakfast. Why would you need a… whatever a burrito is?”

He looks down at the plate in front of you. “Because you ate everything.”

Your eyes follow his and a blush burns across your face. You had managed to eat everything, enough for two ponies at least. “I’m… terribly sorry about that. I suppose I didn’t realize how hungry I was!”

“Hungry enough to eat meat, it seems.” He sniffs at the air. “Bacon and eggs. Looks like I won’t be stealing any more flowers for you.”

He stands up and walks over to the fridge, opening the top part. He pulls out a box and then pulls from the box two wrapped-up things. He tears open the wrappers, puts their brown contents into a toaster, and then replaces the box.

“I don’t cook much. I wouldn’t be surprised if those eggs and that bacon was old.” He shrugs as he fills a dirty pot with water. “But if they tasted fine I guess that’s good enough. You sleep alright?”

You watch him pour the water into something else, presumably making the ‘coffee’ he told you about.

“Well enough, though I think you need a better mattress. That simply cannot be good for your back.”

“I don’t sleep much.” You see him flinch when the toaster goes off. He walks over and takes the two brown things out, juggling them from the heat. You smile and pick them up with magic. “No time, with my lifestyle.” He walks to the table and you set the brown things down on the plate that was previously occupied by your eggs. “But that’s not important. What is important is how you haven’t disappeared yet. That means you’re not a hallucination brought on by sleep deprivation or the drugs. And that means I’m actually sitting in my kitchen talking to a tiny unicorn.”

There was silence in the room as he picked up one of the brown things and bit into it. “Is… is that a problem?”

“Oh, no. Well I mean, yes, but also no.” He waved his claw again as he continued eating. “It’s strange, but trust me when I say that I’ve had stranger hallucinations. You’re just the first one that’s real.”

The pot beeps, making him flinch again. He sighs and walks over to it, grabbing a nearby mug. Without even looking at it, he pours some black fluid into it.

“Anon, are you… okay?” He seems very jumpy and twitchy, while also very relaxed and calm. His voice is completely monotonous.

“Yeah, just coming down. The aftereffects will last a little longer. Coffee will help.” He shrugged, sitting again. “Or make it worse.”

“Um… coming down from what?”

“Not important. So why can’t you just use your magic to get back?” Maybe it’s just a human thing.

“My special talent requires a fine touch with the telekinetic arts, so that’s what I have the most practice in. I’m not strong enough to teleport an inch, let alone back home. I fear I’ll have to wait for Twilight to come up with a solution.”

“Twilight? Is that one of your little pony friends? Also, what’s a special talent?”

“Yes, Twilight is the one that accidentally sent me here. A special talent is what a pony’s cutie mark represents.” You jump down and show him your mark.

“So that’s what that mark on your ass is. I thought it was a tattoo or something.”

“Are… are you calling me a donkey?”

The bewildered look on his face was amusing. “Ass is a human word for butt.”

“Anon, this is my flank. What is a tattoo?”

He grabs the le—arm hole of his shirt and pulls it up, showing you a black mark on his skin. “Ink forced into our skin with needles. It settles in, forming what we call tattoos. Mine’s a wolf. What’s yours?”

How ghastly! These humans were a strange bunch, if this was something common for them.

“As you can see, I have three gems. My special talent is fashion, with an emphasis on gems.”

“Ah, so you’re a jeweler. Shit, that’s about the worst job to have before getting stranded in nowhere.”

“I do dabble in jewelry, yes, but most of what I do is with clothing.”

“Gems on clothing? Lady, you’ve gotta be more high than I’ll be soon.”

“Are you going rock climbing? What’ll I be doing?”

“Figure of speech. Not important. How the hell do you have enough gems to put them on clothes?”

“How? Sure, I have to go out of my way to get them, but they grow in fields near Ponyville.” He snickers when you say Ponyville. “What?”

“Nothing, nothing. Do you think you could get me some of those if you ever get home?”

“I could… try, I suppose. I make no promises, of course. Are they not common here?”

“Hell no. Those things are worth thousands here, if we’re talking about the same things. Shiny, several colors, some are see-through?”

You nod. “Rubies, diamonds, sapphires, the works.”

“Well ain’t that something.” He takes a sip of his black fluid. “So you’re stuck here, then. Well, I ain’t got much, but you’re welcome to what I do have. Lord knows I’d welcome the company.”

Well, that’s good news. Anon is a little strange, but you don’t think he will hurt you. You’ll just have to try harder to not mooch off him.

“Thank you, Anon. I will do what I can to help, though Celestia knows it will probably never be enough for giving me a place to stay.”

He waves a claw. “Don’t worry about it, girl. Now if this had been winter, you would be thanking me a lot more. You’d catch your death out there.” Without time for your winter coat to come in? Yes, that would be chilly. “So who’s this Celestia you keep mentioning?”

You feel yourself perking up. “She’s the princess of Equestria, who raises the sun every morning and sets it every night!” You are not amused when he bursts out laughing. “And just what is so funny?!”

“Man, she’s playing you! She can’t raise the fucking sun, she just says that so you’ll keep her in charge.” You are rarely quick to anger, but when somepony insults Princess Celestia they insult all of Equestria. And you are a part of Equestria, so they insult you as well.

“She is not a liar! I’ve seen her do it myself! She and her sister Princess Luna each control one of the heavenly bodies and sometimes they do shows with them.”

He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, sure. Well, I can’t say we humans haven’t had rulers like that, so I guess it makes sense that ponies aren’t any different.”

You humph at him. “Well who raises your sun?”

“Hey, don’t ask me to explain the science behind it. If I was educated do you think I’d be a poacher and a drug dealer? It pays well, but fuck if it ain’t a hard life.”

“How is pharmacy that hard? I suppose there might be math involved, but it can’t be that bad.”

He smirks. “I think we’re talking about different things. Don’t you worry about me, though.” He takes a second to look you over. “You want to see something really freaky?”

This worries you. “Um… What exactly do you have in mind?”

“Follow me.” He stands and leads you into the bedroom. If Anon hadn’t been nothing but a gentlecolt with a rougher vocabulary, you would be worried. You squawk out as he throws a blanket over your head. “Yeah, that’ll do. You’ll look like a big dog covered by a blanket. This’ll freak you out, Rarity.”

You grumble lightly as you follow him. He slips on some shoes and opens the door, stepping out. You hesitate to follow him. “Won’t… what if I get seen?”

“That’s what the blanket is for. No one will recognize you as a unicorn. Come on.”

This seems stupid, but… you follow him. He pulls the door shut behind you and leads you to the truck. He opens the door on your side and you hop up, keeping the blanket over yourself. He closes the door behind you and walks over to the driver’s side, jumping in.

He starts the truck and begins driving away. “Just keep that horn covered.”

“But what if somepony else sees me?”

“You’ll see why that’s not a problem in a few minutes.”

You’re forced to take him at his word, and the two of you travel through the mostly empty countryside in silence. You could see the occasional home peeking out of the woods and a small number of other humans about their business.

Eventually, you feel the vehicle begin to slow down. You look around, trying to see what’s different about this area.

It’s just a wide open area with a wooden fence and… What in Celestia’s name?

“Anon… what is that?”

He grins as the truck stops and turns off. “That’s a horse.” He opens his door and walks around to your side and lets you out. You don’t fight him as he lifts you off the seat this time and sets you in the uneven grass.

Two of the… horses… walk over to the fence and stick their large heads over. Anon walks over and sticks a hand on one of their noses, motioning you forward with the other.

“Rarity, meet Applejack.”

You burst out laughing. He watches, confused.

“A-a-APPLEJACK?!”

Your laughing just increases at his confusion. He looks back at the pony that you have to admit bears a resemblance to your friend. Her coat is orange-ish and her mane is an off-white that would fit against Applejack’s.

“What’s so funny?”

When you finally get control of yourself, you answer. “Applejack… she’s one of my friends back in Equestria. She’s an apple farmer.”

“Well ain’t that something…”

One of his hands reaches into a pocket and pulls out a sugar cube for the mare and you burst out laughing again. The look on his face was priceless.

When the two of you get home, he sits on the couch and picks up a black rectangular thing. “Sit, sit. You’re gonna love this.”

You take a seat on the least dirty chair in the room as Anon manipulates the rectangle. You jump in shock as light comes on from another large rectangular box.

“This here’s a TV. Humans use them for entertainment and news.” He holds the rectangle up. “This controls it.” He throws it at you and you reflexively catch it with magic. “Fool around with it. I need a shower.”

Yes… he does. He leaves the living room while you study the control device.

The volume is obvious. So is the power button. You don’t know what all the numbers are for or what channels are. You shrug and press the up channel button.

SUCCESS! Something happens!

What… what is that human woman doing with that human man?

Your mouth drops and the remote falls out of your telekinetic grasp in your shock. You paw at the remote, trying to get it to do something, but your hooves can’t push the buttons.

You’re forced to watch in silence as… as…

Sweet Celestia, how long is he going to keep going? Stallions last less than a minute! Your manic attempts to change the screen lasted at least that, and there was no telling how long they had been going!

The blush on your face just keeps growing as you watch in captivated silence as the male treats the female like a piece of meat and tenderizes her.

Why can’t you stop watching this? Why is this even on Anon’s television?

…Now that the shock has worn off, why haven’t you used magic to pick the controller up?

Your ears twitch, hearing Anon still in the shower. You gulp and pay more attention to what the male is doing.

So flexible…

“What the hell… Rarity, why are you watching porn?” Your head jerks around in shock. The blush that forms now puts the previous one to shame.

“I… I… THIS CONTROLLER IS BROKEN!”

He walks over to your chair and that’s when you find out why the shower is still running; he’s half naked and dripping water. Your mouth drops at the assorted scars covering his body.

“Anon… what happened to you?”

“Ah, nothing much.” He bends down to grab the remove and changes the channel to some colorful and bright thing. “There. Tiny unicorns shouldn’t watch porn. I’ll be right back.”

“Why… why are you out here anyway?”

“For some reason all of my shampoo is gone. I came out to grab another bottle. I wouldn’t bother, but I was in those woods for a few days.”

He leaves before you can apologize for using all his shampoo. You’re very thankful he didn’t question more about why you were watching the… porn, was it?

You settle in to watch the colorful thing, though you quickly get bored.

It reminds you of… Well, some of the problems you and your friends face, actually. You don’t need to relive a typical Friday afternoon while on the human world.

Instead, you fiddle around with the remote some more. Now that you know what’s out there, you won’t be surprised. Soon enough, you find something that looks somewhat interested.

“Now back to, A Serbian Film.”

…

Your scream of horror sends Anon running like mad into the living room. He looks at the screen before snatching the remote off the floor and turning the thing off.

You’re huddled in on yourself, trying to forget what you just saw. “Welp.” He sits on his couch, half dressed. “No more TV for you.”

“What… what was…”

“I now regret getting satellite TV. It was not real, Rarity. The things on that box are staged, not real. Everyone there is an actor. Some of it is done with makeup and computers. No one was hurt in that movie.”

That makes no sense! “Why would anypony find that entertaining, Anon?” You admit to sounding somewhat hysterical.

He shrugs. “Don’t know. Some people don’t have good lives and are happy to have anything to take their mind off how bad they think their life is. They do that by watching stuff like that.”

“How could anypony’s life be that bad? That… that’s horrifying!”

He shrugs yet again. “I’m a criminal and even I know it could be worse. But enough of that. Now that I know I can’t trust you with a TV, I’ll have to find some other way to keep you entertained.”

Not trust you? You wouldn’t want to look at that thing again! What is wrong with this world?

He continued, “You can’t use a computer… I don’t have many books. Can’t go too far outside. Hm…” He looks around the room before standing up. “Wait here.” He walks deeper into his house before coming out with two large U shaped containers. “Come on.”

You hop off the couch, happy to be away from the evil device with its monstrous images. He leads you to a door in the back. You open it for him before he can put either box down. He nods and walks outside. You follow, looking both ways before you step all the way out.

He sets the cases down and opens one of them, pulling out some weird thing. “This is a bow. I don’t usually use one of these for anything other than target shooting. And hell, it’s been a while since I did that.”

He reaches into the case and pulls out a long stick with feathers at the end and a pointy tip. “This is an arrow. Watch what I do.”

He puts the nonpointy end of the arrow into the string of the bow and pulls it back, pointing it at a square with a number of circles on it some twenty yards away.

You watch as he releases the arrow and it flies straight at the target, sticking into the far upper right of the box.

He sets the bow down into the case. “Now, the goal is to hit the center of the target, the red dot in the middle of it. It’s been a while since I shot, as I said.”

He then opens the other box and pulls out a much smaller bow. “This has a much weaker pull on it than the other one. You should be able to use it with no problem.”

He holds the bow up and you take it, looking it over. You gently pull at the string, trying to find how much give it has.

“This one is… oh, about forty pounds. Mine is over a hundred, I think.” He lifts up an arrow and holds it up. “The odd color feather goes on the outside, like so.” He fits the arrow to the bow you are holding with your magic. “Hold it up so you can look down the arrow.” You move it closer to your face. He points at three glowing sticks shooting out from the side of the bow. “These are your sights. Put the middle one on the target, gently pull back, and release.”

You do so. The arrow strikes the target right on the left edge. “I hit it!”

He pulls a screwdriver out of the container and fiddles with the sights before pulling out another arrow. “Try it again yourself.”

You fit the arrow to the string and take a moment to check it against what he told you. You slowly pull it back and aim.

You release the string, sending the arrow directly into the red circle.

“Yes!”

You look over at Anon, who was nodding. “Much easier with magic, I guess. Means you don’t have to worry about shaky arms.” He gets a grin on his face. “That just means we need to make it harder.”

The two of you spend a good several hours with that bow and several arrows. The one time you tried Anon’s bow, you realized you weren’t strong enough to pull it back.

He occasionally takes potshots with his bow, but he rarely hits center, even though he isn’t trying any of the ‘hard’ targets he’s making for you.

“Anon, why can’t you hit as well as I can?”

“I’m not high. I’d be better if I was. Now, see what you can do to this.” He tosses a frisbee into the air and you shoot it before it goes five yards. “Amazing.”

“As strange as this is… it’s a lot of fun, Anon. And it’s stress-relieving. What’s this even for?”

He shrugs, finding another target. “Killing things.” He tosses another one up.

It falls to the earth unmolested. “You’re… you’re teaching me how to kill?”

“God no. I’m teaching you how to shoot. You can’t teach anyone how to actually kill. Rarity, don’t you worry about me ever asking you to do something like that. Humans have been shooting targets forever. Most, but not all, people go on to shoot something alive. Some people just like shooting targets. Not everyone likes to kill.”

“Do… do you?”

“That’s enough questions for now. And I think we’ve been shooting long enough. I’m sure you’re hungry again by now.”

“Anon, I consider this very important. Do you enjoy killing things?”

He was silent for a long moment. “Yes I do. Not thinking beings, no, just animals. I can’t explain it and I won’t try, but I would never willingly kill another thinking animal. Now, I seriously am hungry and we’ve been doing this for hours.”

You need to find somepony else to live with…

As Anon begins to cook some kind of dinner, you find your need granted in a very unexpected manner.

You both jump up as a metal canister destroys the window in the kitchen, spewing gas.

Author's Note

Greentext: http://pastebin.com/EPxEkqEi

And don't worry: This story is not going grim derp.

New Surroundings

You both eye the canister. You hear Anon whisper something that sounds like, “Fuck,” but you might have been mistaken because the front door and back door explode open and you can’t hear much for a second.

“Rarity, run!”

He charges the way to the entrance of the house when an armored figure jumps in front of him and hits Anon in the face with the end of his gun.

The gun that is now pointing in your direction since Anon is on the floor. You don’t remember starting to scream or trying to cast a spell, but you feel magic pooling in your horn.

“IT’S GLOWING!”

“STUN IT!”

You turn to try to run as Anon had told you to when you hear a sharp popping and then feel something pierce into your back. That’s all you have time to feel before the magic in your horn shoots off and the world goes white.

You wake up some time later surrounded by four similarly armed and armored humans. As soon as they realize that you’re awake, they all jump to attention and point their weapons at you.

You hear one speaking into his helmet. You think he said, “She’s awake.” You take a look around the room before trying to sit up.

One of them says, “Rarity, if you try to leave this room we will hurt you. You are welcome to roam around but if your horn lights up bad things will happen.”

“How… how do you know my name?”

“Your friend Kain Smith told us. He also told us that he told you his name was Anonymous.”

You hop off the bed and all the men jump away, still pointing their weapons at you. “What did you do to him you ruffians?”

“As of right now, he’s in solitary confinement until we break word about you to the world. Then, he will be sent to jail and ultimately prison.”

“For hiding me so you couldn’t experiment on me and cut me open? That’s what anypony would do, you monster!”

The group of humans looks around at each other before their spokesman says, “No. He’s going to prison for dealing drugs, poaching, assault if the charges are pressed, and owning illegal weapons. Did he really tell you that we would cut you open?”

“Well… yes. Isn’t that what you’re going to do?”

Before the spokesman can answer you, the door opens. “At ease, men,” the new human says. This fellow is not armed or armored. He’s in a relatively fancy dress uniform. You could see room for improvement, but it is something you would be proud to put out of your boutique. “I don’t think Miss Rarity will be attempting to harm any of us. Isn’t that right, ma’am?”

You eye him warily. You may have advanced personal defense lessons, but you couldn’t take on four armed humans. “I will not escape as long as you don’t try to hurt me.”

He nods. “Marshall, stay here. The rest of you, return to duty. Miss Rarity, would you join me at the table?”

He seems polite… And even though three of the guards are leaving, you know more can be called up at need.

“Very well, mister…?”

“Colonel Ide, at your service.” He leads the way to the table and the two of you sit. The human you presume to be Marshall stands away from the two of you, though he watches you warily. “Now, would you please explain what you are and why you are here?”

“I thought you spoke to Anonymous?”

He nods. “We did. He has proven himself unreliable. We don’t want any of what he says to be tainted by the drugs in his system. Please, explain it again.”

“Very well… I am Rarity, a unicorn pony from Equestria. I was helping a friend of mine with a spell and she accidentally sent me here. I traveled along a road for nearly a day before trying to sleep in an abandoned building. I… Er, I accidentally burned it down. Anonymous found me near the fire and offered to take me to his house. I accepted.”

He nods. “We found the remnants of the fire while we were setting up a containment field. How did you burn it down?”

You blush, recalling what made you do it. “I was trying to kill bugs. I’m just not very good with that kind of magic.”

“Interesting. Can you show me some of this… magic?” He pulls something out of his pocket. “Can you lift this?”

You concentrate and do so, pulling the object out of his hand. “It’s quite simple, really.”

“I’m sure. You can explain it later. I need one thing from you before I can let you start asking questions, Miss Rarity. Do you swear to never harm a human unless you know you will be harmed if you do not defend yourself?”

“That is… a hefty swear to take, Mister Ide. I don’t know how long I’ll be here. That said, I have no intentions of harming anypony…” You consider your options. It's pretty much swear and risk future problems or don’t swear and probably rot in this room until Twilight can get you back. “I swear, Mister Ide. Now, what will happen to me?”

“I need to explain your position here before I answer that question. You are a mythological creature that is able to do what our scientists say should be impossible. You burned down an abandoned property through personal recklessness and used magic to incapacitate two of the members of my squad. They are in the medical ward with severe bruising and concussions. That was self-defense so it will pass. But what would you do if a creature capable of arson and wounding two well-trained and heavily armed soldiers appeared in your land?”

You look away, not liking where this is going. “I… apologize for hurting your soldiers, Colonel. I wasn’t trying to cast magic, it was just reflexive. I don’t even know what happened. The last thing I remember was somepony saying ‘stun her.’ The magic I had pooled should have dissipated as soon as I was knocked unconscious.”

“Interesting…” He leans back in his chair. “Here is what will happen, Miss Rarity: We will study you and ask you questions for a few days until we know more about what makes you tick. If you cooperate and our scientists decide you are relatively harmless, we will introduce you to a few more high ranking officers and eventually the president. Then, the world.”

“But… you think I’m dangerous. I hurt two of your troops! And… Anonymous said you would cut me up…”

“Your friend Kain—or Anonymous, whatever—is a criminal. Of course he’s paranoid of the government. He’s probably also seen too many science fiction movies. The truth of the matter is that the government is not a faceless organization that is made of mindless automatons that just want results. It is made up of real people that want the best for the world and their country. You are the first proof of sentient life elsewhere in the universe. It would be criminal to ever hurt you or let you be hurt. I won’t lie, you’ll basically be a prisoner. But you’ll be well taken care of and we will do our best to get you home.”

“So… you won’t cut me up?”

“Nope. If I had to bet I’d say you’re going to be the biggest celebrity this world has seen in decades, if you’re interested in that.”

Well, that’s… something. If, of course, this fellow is telling the truth. “How can I trust you?”

“You can’t, of course. But to be quite honest, you don’t have a choice in the matter. You can try to resist, but we already have people working on how to counteract the magic you have.”

Well that certainly doesn’t sound good. But if nopony in your world can, surely these humans can’t either.

“Now, do you have any other questions?”

You rack your brain, trying to come up with something you need to know. “You mentioned a… containment field, was it? What is that?”

“We had to make sure you didn’t have any dangerous germs or parasites that would be lethal to humans or anything on this planet. We have… some experience with that, you could say. You certainly didn’t have anything from this world in you, but there was nothing there that would hurt a human. Probably.”

“Parasite? Are you saying that I’m unclean? I’ll have you know…” No, don’t let him get to you. He’s just being careful. And he was grinning…

“Nothing personal, ma’am. We’re taking no chances with this. There are three and some change hundred million people in this country. The Black Death killed something like a third or more of Europe back in the day. That’s one hundred million people dead if we take a chance of you not having anything that might hurt us.”

You stopped listening at three hundred million. How is that possible? Canterlot alone had less than ten thousand ponies!

He notices your confused horror. “Don’t worry about the Black Death. We figured it out ages ago. And we checked you against everything as well. You should be safe.”

“No, no. three hundred million? How big is this planet?”

He shrugs. “I’m a military man, not a geographer. Three hundred million isn’t that many, though. China has over a billion. Why?”

Your mouth drops. “Im… impossible!”

“Not really. If you’re interested in the history behind that number, I can get some books or a tutor sent up here. It’s really not important, though. Hey Marshall, you got some guys into history, don’t you?”

“Yes sir. Evans is big into that. More the war stuff, though, and that’ll give our guest here the wrong ideas about us. I can talk to him, though.”

“You do that. You have any other questions, ma’am?”

You sit, stunned into silence. If this human was telling the truth, there are more humans in this place than there are anything in your world. That’s just… that can’t be right!

“Well alright. I’ll tell the scientists to finish their preparations. Marshall and his squad will be your guides around the base. Stick with them and they’ll do you right. Try to leave them and we’ll start having problems. Your first stop will be with a biologist and veterinarian. They’ll get your diet set up. Marshall, I’ll pay you later.”

He grins. “Yes sir. And some advice? Never make bets with NCOs.”

Ide just sighs. “Yeah, yeah.” He stands and pushes his chair in. “You’ll be leaving within fifteen minutes, ma’am. We can set up all you need later. Bathroom’s in the door on the right.”

He walks to the door and opens it. Before he can get out, you finally remember one more question you need to ask. “Can I ever see Anonymous?”

He looks back. “If you do, it’ll have to be in your free time. You’ve got a busy schedule, and he is a criminal.”

You look askance at your ‘guide.’ “I was just wondering… If he’s going to jail anyway, is it possible that he could be assigned as a… permanent bodyguard of sorts?”

You admit, Anonymous scares you in some ways, but… there’s something about him that’s wrong. No pony turns to drugs and crime for no reason. Maybe forcing him away from it and keeping him where you can help him will do him good.

You owe him for taking you in, after all.

“That is unconventional and unlikely. I will ask, but prepare to be told no. He is still in the reserves…” He shrugs. “We’ll see.”

With that, he finally leaves you alone with the imposing soldier. “So… who are you, sir?”

“Sergeant Marshall, army rangers, attached to the recently formed extraterrestrial protection group.”

Almost none of that made sense to you. “Are you able to answer any questions as well?”

“I can certainly try, ma’am.”

“Please, call me Rarity. How did anypony know I was at Anonymous’s home?”

“As I understand it, the police and FBI were watching Kain’s home for some time. He’s a dealer, has been ever since he got off active duty. The FBI was watching him because they think he’s using overseas contacts to get some of his supply. From what I was told, you were seen in satellite pictures taken just hours before we raided his home. The FBI was going to use normal SWAT teams since he was known to be armed, but once they learned about you they called in a favor and got a DELTA team that was on standby at Bragg. That’s all I know.”

That didn’t really tell you much. “What’s an FBI?”

“Federal Bureau of Investigation. They deal with internal threats to national security.”

“And a DELTA team?”

“A group of the most heavily trained and armed soldiers that our country has.”

“Satellite?”

“A machine in orbit around the planet that’s used to take pictures or communicate around the world.”

Well that is impressive. The fastest communication you’ve seen is Spike’s fire breath, and even then there’s a delay of a minute or two.

You sat in silence for a few moments, just trying to take everything in. “So… if China has over a billion and this country has three hundred million… how many humans are on the planet?”

He shrugs. “Far as I know, over six billion. I don’t really keep up with that.”

That’s, quite frankly, horrifying. Although… “How much is a billion, in this world? Just so I’m sure, you see.”

He closes an eye, thinking. “Like, nine zeros? Three is a thousand, six is a million, nine is a billion.”

Yeah, that’s definitely horrifying.

The two of you sit in an awkward silence for a few minutes before you ask another question. “So how is this world, honestly?”

“It’s pretty nice. You get a few assholes like Kain that break laws and make the rest of us look bad, but on average I would say that humans are decent people. Easily misled, though. But there were a whole helluva lot more people trying to kill Hitler than supporting him, so I’d say more humans are good than evil.”

“But… they were trying to kill somepony!”

He grinned. “Lady, Hitler was one of the most evil people to ever disgrace this planet. It would have been an honor to put a bullet in that fucker.”

…Rarity, you aren’t in Equestria anymore.

“Man, I shouldn’t be talking to a cute little pony about this. I’m sorry, ma’am. I bet you’re from a world with pegasi that fart rainbows or something.” You can’t help but bark a laugh at that, thinking about Rainbow Dash. “Yeah, I know that’s not right. Still, I bet it’s nicer than this place.”

“No, no, you’re actually correct. I have a friend of mine that leaves a rainbow trail when she flies.” His mouth drops. “Oh, were you joking? No, there are pegasi where I come from. Are they mythological creatures here too?”

“…Yeah. Uh… you got griffins?” You nod. “Dragons?” Another nod. “Manticores?” Nod. “Minotaurs?” Nod. “Hydras?” Yep. “Holy Christ. Trolls? Cockatrices? Sea serpents?” Nods for all. “Yeah, your world sounds terrifying. I think I’ll stick to this place.”

“Come now! I’m sure a soldier like you would be just fine.”

“With my regular kit, yeah. And if I had my whole squad, definitely. But this fucking gun has rubber bullets.”

Well that’s good to know. You imagine rubber will hurt, but you doubt it could kill you. You want to keep asking him questions, but you also need to get ready for the day.

“Is there a shower in my bathroom?”

“Yes ma’am. We don’t know much about your physiology or anything, so it’s made for a short human…”

“It’ll be fine, I’m sure. Tell any guests that I will be ready shortly. And again, call me Rarity. Ma’am just makes me feel old.”

“In private, maybe. In public, ma’am it will be. Rules and regs, the life of a soldier.”

“Yes, yes. I know about that.”

The cute soldier that taught you defense classes was much the same. He was willing to do a bit more in private, though…

You shook yourself and went to the bathroom. It was reminiscent of Anonymous’s, though it was much easier to start the shower. And thankfully, there was hot water!

You take a very short bath, sighing when you realized that was no soap or shampoo.

A knock on the door interrupted your attempts to style your mane. You open the door to find one unfamiliar human waiting, with another giving stern words to Marshall.

“You can’t just leave her alone! You’re supposed to watch her.”

“I have my orders, and you can’t countermand them. You are a scientist, not a soldier. Talk to the colonel if you want my orders changed. Until then, I am to respect her privacy and treat her as I would a VIP.”

The person chewing him out was not amused by that. The one that knocked on your door didn’t seem to care as much. “Rarity? I’m Doctor James. That’s Doctor Tilson. If you would come with us, we can start getting you fed and get a more personalized room for you.”

That would certainly be a blessing. You haven’t eaten in who knows long. “Lead the way, doctor.”

Tilson opens the door and James follows him. Marshall nods for you to go and he follows you, shutting the door behind him. “Right this way,” James said, taking the lead.

Everypony you pass in the hall stops to stare at you. Frankly, it’s somewhat creepy. But you imagine if any of them made it to your world they would be stared at just as much, so it’s fair.

The walk isn’t that long. Sadly, though, you don’t pass any windows. James opens a door and waves you through. You and Marshall enter first, followed by the two scientists.

In here, you get to meet your first female human, who stares at you with fascination.

“This is Doctor Hernandez,” James tells you.

“I’ve been itching to meet you, ma’am. When the feds called me and told me they finally got an alien, I thought they were admitting to Roswell! I have to admit, this is much more fascinating!”

You have no idea what she means, but you hope it’s good. “It’s nice to meet you too, dear. I don’t mean to seem impolite, but I do find myself famished, so if we could finish these tests soon so I could eat, I would be ever so grateful.”

Tilson nodded. “Yes, that would be good. The sooner we can finish the sooner we can start analyzing the results so the real science can begin.

James waves a hand to his left. “Right this way, ma’am.” He leads you to a table where there’s a list and a pencil set out. “If you could, mark off everything here than you cannot eat or that is bad for you.”

You grab the pencil with magic and the three scientists gasp. Marshall’s reaction is scarier: He flicks a switch on his weapon and raises it a little.

“They weren’t lying…

“Impossible!

James was smiling. “Not impossible. She probably isn’t from this reality, though… The question is, why does she follow the rules of her own despite being here?”

You just start reading over the list and marking things off. For the most part it was simple. You could eat vegetables, grains, fruits, and meat. You couldn’t eat metal, plastic, concrete, or anything like that. There is one thing, though…

You gasp in horror. “Why is this on here?” You shove the paper at James, demanding an answer.

He grabs the paper and looks over the list. “Let’s see… blood of the innocent and flesh of human infants.” He looks up at you. “It’s quite simple. Can you eat that?”

The other two humans look at each other.

“The hell kind of question is that?”

“Which intern even wrote that damn list?”

James just says, “Miss Rarity?”

“Well… I could, but why would anypony want to?”

He shrugs. “Beats me. I’ll have to talk to the intern that wrote this list. Just mark it off and keep going.” He passes the paper back to you and you continue reading over, somewhat perturbed. You hear them muttering in the background but you can’t make out what they’re saying.

Soon enough you’ve filled it out fully and passed it back.

Tilson rubbed a patch of hair on his chin. “Interesting… you can eat meat?”

Hernandez nodded. “She’s an equine, of course she can eat meat. I’ve never seen a horse kill to get any, but they’re definitely opportunistic omnivores. Have a cookout with one nearby and they’ll eat scraps or pull stuff off the grill.”

Tilson shrugged. “You’re the vet. Now, Rarity, if you’d come this way I can take a small blood sample.”

You don’t like the sound of that. And you really don’t like the sight of your own blood… But he’s a doctor. Surely it can’t be that bad. You follow him to another table where a few vials are set up.

“Hernie, where should I take blood from?”

She walks up to you and gently caresses your neck. “Jugular. Now, Rarity, this will hurt a little, but unless you have no pain tolerance at all it shouldn’t be too bad.”

You’re a big mare, Rarity. Surely you can handle it…

When Tilson pulls out a needle-like thing, you can’t help a whimper. One of Hernandez’s hands goes to your head, gently scratching at your ears. You sigh in pleasure before you realize what you’re doing. How did she do that?

You don’t even notice as Tilson prepares and then pokes you with a needle, too lost in what the human mare is doing to your ears.

Of course, you definitely notice when she stops. You flinch at the expected pain, to find that it’s already over. “How… how did you…”

She grins. “I grew up around horses and ponies. Looks like you’re about the same as they are, at least physically. We’ll send word to the mess hall that they can serve you whatever we’re eating. That’ll be fine until we can analyze the blood.”

That’s when you notice the vial full of red fluid and feel your legs grow weak. You quickly look away, not wanting to see it.

Tilson grins and asks, “So she can eat a lollipop?”

“She probably could. Do you really still carry those around?”

“Hey, I was a doctor before I was a biologist. You never know when you need to calm down a crying child.” He reaches around behind himself and opens a drawer, pulling out a round thing wrapped in plastic. He pushes it in front of you. “You were a good patient, dear.”

You take it with magic, looking it over. James grabs it by the stick and takes the plastic covering off, revealing…

“Candy?”

“Candy,” Tilson answers with a nod.

“I’m not a filly, but…”

You slip the candy in your mouth, sucking on it. You soon determine that it’s blueberry.

James looked over to your ‘guide.’ “Marshall, you can take her to the mess hall now. We can do more tests later. Lord knows she needs some food. She was out for two days, after all.”

Two days? Sweet Celestia! You were probably in some manner of magic coma or something.

“You got it, doc. Come on, ma’am.” You follow Marshall out of the room after a few more ‘byes’ to the nice scientists. “After lunch is a trip to the physicists. They are very interested in your magic. Depending on how long that takes, you’ll have a trip to the historians to talk about your world and its politics and yada yada. They’ll be very interested to hear about the other races.”

“So... do I have any free time?”

“You’ll have some. More, after a few days. But everyone’s in a rush to meet you and study you before you get introduced to the president.”

“Just what is a president, anyway?”

“Our country’s leader. Kain mentioned that you guys had a goddess princess or something. He’s our version of that, but he has much less power. The historians can teach you about democracy and all that good stuff.”

“…Right. Now, you keep mentioning countries, but Anon told me that you’re the only sentient race on the planet. Why are you divided into countries?”

“Long story and if I tried telling you I would get something wrong. You’ll have to ask the historians. Humans are just a very divided people, I guess.”

Odd, but okay. Thankfully, you arrive at a large cafeteria style place soon enough. There aren’t many people in there. But everypony that is there is staring at you. Marshall pays them no mind and begins herding you to the place the food is served.

He grabs a tray and guides you along the line, letting you pick out what you want. All of the food workers stare at you the entire time.

“Aren’t you going to eat?” you ask. Marshall didn’t seem to be interested in grabbing a tray for himself.

“Not while on duty, ma’am.”

“Please, I insist!”

“I can’t, not while I’m watching you. I ate already anyway.”

You don’t like it, but you can’t make him eat. “Very well… Where will we sit?”

He leads you to an empty table and sets your tray down. The chairs aren’t made for your body, but you make do well enough.

As you begin choking down the extremely mediocre food, you realize that your table didn’t stay empty for long. A random human has joined you and asks, “What are you?”

Before you can answer the human’s rude question, Marshall fiddles with his weapon and says, “Private, this weapon is loaded with nonlethal rounds. I will not hesitate to shoot you if you don’t leave Miss Rarity alone while she eats.”

The private opens his mouth but Marshall beats him to it again and says, “This gun is fully automatic, boy. Imagine thirty rounds of rubber bullets at point blank range, all fired within five seconds.”

The other human very quickly leaves.

“I would have answered him, you know. There’s no reason to be so uncouth.”

“I know, ma’am. But I was told to respect your privacy and to make sure others do as well. Unless you invite someone to sit with you, your eating time is private. Plus, I like scaring the new guys. It’s funny.”

Humans are crazy.

Author's Note

Greentext: http://pastebin.com/kN83aE0b

You can get used to anything...

Your time with the physicists was… not enjoyable. You don’t want to talk about it. There was a lot of yelling and Marshall had to punch somepony in the face.

Your time with the historians was much nicer. They were able to fill in a number of details about this world. Much more than you wanted to know, honestly; you’re a fashionista, and none of them really seemed to care about that. They knew nothing about fashion trends that you could use to help your business back in Ponyville.

And they were extremely interested in your world, about all the ‘mythological’ creatures you had there. For each species you named, they had a number of legends about them. Most of their stories fit against what you knew about the races in your world.

Except for the sea serpents. Stephen Magnet would never do anything like that! But he is very flamboyant… Not that it’s important.

After the historians, you had dinner. It seemed that Marshall’s warning took on everypony, because nopony tried bothering you while you ate.

It was sad, honestly. You didn’t want to spend all your time in this place friendless and alone. But maybe you can get Anonymous back, at least.

After dinner, Marshall escorted you back to your room. “There will be a guard outside of your room during the night. It’ll either be Evans or Mark, depending on the time. The clock on your mantel is right. You will be woken up at eight in the morning. You’ll have half an hour to yourself, then breakfast, another trip to the biologists, and the rest can be told by whoever’s guarding you tomorrow.”

“It won’t be you?”

“Nope. My entire squad was given over to guard you. That’s ten men. Two shifts at night, three in the day. I was with you all day today, but it won’t be like that normally. If you have a problem with any of the troopers, tell me. I will deal with that problem.”

“Oh, I’m sure everything will be fine. Will I get to talk to the colonel again?”

“You’ll probably see him at breakfast. You can ask to talk to him then. If he isn’t there, I can let him know you want to see him.”

You walk over to the bathroom and poke your head in. Still nothing you can use to really clean yourself with. You look back out. “Is there any chance I can get a toothbrush, perhaps? And some soap or anything?”

“You can talk to the bio people tomorrow about that. I know I hate having grimy teeth. Do you need anything else before I call in the night guard?”

“A book or two might be nice, if you have any.”

“Genre?”

“…Romance?”

You don’t like the grin on his face. “I’ll tell the night guard to bring one by. He should be here in fifteen.” He touches something by his helmet and murmurs some stuff into it. You hear a crackle in recognition. “Mark’ll stop by the base library and pick you something up. It might be smut, but it’ll be romantic smut.”

“That’ll be just fine.”

Now you just need to figure out what smut is.

Half an hour later, your blushing face is testament to knowing exactly what smut is. How can humans write filth like this?

…And why do you like it? You press your face further into the book, devouring its lines.

You expected a book with the title of Fifty Shades of Grey to be boring, but this… It puts a heat in a place you aren’t comfortable having one right now.

After some very well needed ‘alone time,’ you finally lie down to sleep, out cold as soon as your head hits the pillow.

A gentle knock at the door wakes you up. You sit up, bleary-eyed, as the day’s guard walks in. “Name’s Vance, ma’am. I’m your guard for the morning.”

You blink at him, tired after being woken up in the middle of a dream. “I’m Rarity. You’re welcome to call me that.”

“No ma’am. Sarge’ll tan my hide. You have half an hour to… do whatever ponies do in the morning before they eat.”

You sigh, standing up. He seems to back away as you walk around the bed. “What’s wrong?”

“…Nothing, ma’am. As long as that horn don’t light up I should be fine.”

“You all keep saying that. ‘Light up.’ What do you mean?”

“Magic, ma’am. Sarge told me that when you do magic it lights up.”

“That’s preposterous.” To prove it, you pool magic into it. Vance flinches back, jerking his weapon. “How did you know I was pooling magic?”

“It lit up! Christ but that’ll take getting used to… why me?”

“I assure you that I won’t hurt you, Vance. I just want to go home, not hurt anypony.”

He takes a deep breath. “I know, ma’am. But I saw pictures of what you did to that room with DELTA. Threw them about like ragdolls. Frankly, that’s kinda scary.”

You couldn’t deny that. “It was an accident. And I don’t know how I did it anyway. I’m not that strong in magic.”

“Don’t change that it happened. You just get ready. I’ll be outside, waiting.”

He leaves before you can try to calm him further. It’s depressing that you scared somepony that badly on accident. Now you have to worry about overzealous guards scaring away potential friends and you have to worry about humans that are scared of you…

You think about how you can improve your image while you shower. Sure, you can’t clean yourself well without soap, but sitting under the warm water is nice. And actually having towels is also nice.

You were waiting for Vance when he knocked on the door the second time. You hopped down and followed him to the… mess hall. When you asked Marshall about that name he just laughed.

You quickly grabbed a tray and picked out breakfast. After unsuccessfully trying to get Vance to eat as well, you find the colonel sitting alone at a table and join him.

He looks down at you as you join him and says, “Marshall told me you were looking to talk. What do you need?”

“Have you gotten an answer about Anonymous?”

“Yes ma’am. The general agreed that it was unorthodox, but he mentioned that as a foreign ambassador you have the ability to make some small demands. And if this will make you comfortable, for whatever Godforsaken reason, you are welcome to have Kain as your bodyguard. There are conditions, of course. He has to stay clean of any drugs, he has to be recalled to active service, and he will have to change his name to Anonymous or whatever so we can ignore all the laws he broke.” You grin, happy to hear that you might get a friend again. “And, of course, he’ll have to agree to it. We can’t force him to do anything. I’ll talk to him sometime today and get his answer back to you tonight.”

“Why can’t we go now?”

“Because we both have to eat. And it’ll be some time before he can become your guard anyway, since he’ll have to undergo some pretty serious physical training to get back in shape, assuming he says yes. Now, how has your time here been so far? I heard there were problems yesterday.”

“Some of the… physicists were less than happy with my limited knowledge of how magic works. They were barely able to measure what I did under any… I don’t know the sciencey words. They didn’t like that they had no way to understand what I did.”

“Eh, give them time. I’m sure they’ll be able to help you get home if anyone can. Hell, maybe they can even open a portal or something. Wouldn’t that be neat?”

Neat is one word you could use. You aren’t certain you want the humans anywhere near Equestria, though. Not after learning some of their history…

He continued, “I’ll talk to you some time later tonight, ma’am. Oh, and one more thing before I go. One of the technicians asked me to give you this.” He passes you a piece of paper. “I suggest waiting until after you finish eating to read it, if it means what I think it means.”

You don’t like the sound of that. You thank him and continue eating as he leaves. When you finish, you hesitantly unfold the scrap of paper. There are cameras in your room. If you ever want ‘private time’ again, please give us some kind of signal so we can leave the room or something.

…

OH CELESTIA WHY?!

Your head hits the table. You feel completely mortified. And a little offended, honestly. Were you not pretty enough for the hu—WHAT KIND OF THOUGHT IS THAT?! Stop that, Rarity!

“Ma’am? Is everything okay?” At least your guard sounds somewhat concerned.

You can’t tell him. You crumble up the paper with your hooves and stick it on the tray. “Everything’s… fine.”

You can’t hide your blush, though.

Vance takes your tray and puts it up for you before leading you out.

You try to think of anything to take your mind off what you just learned. “So I keep hearing you all talk about God and lords or something. What exactly is that?”

He flinches. “Oh God… Ask the historians about religion. That’s all I’ll say.” Now you’re really curious. Is that some manner of curse? You resolve to ask the others.

Your day goes much better than the last. The biologists promise to have soap and several other niceties sent to your room before you get back. Hernandez promised that they would help any equine look nice and beautiful.

Not that you need it, of course. You are Rarity, after all.

The physicists are much nicer this time around. Probably because Marshall told your new guard—a fellow named Jones—to threaten them with the beating of a lifetime if they don’t settle down.

You learned all about the horrors of religion from the historians.

And when you finally got back to your room for the night, you saw Colonel Ide waiting for you.

“When does he start?” you happily ask. After the past few days, you could really use a friend or somepony that you could just talk to.

Ide shook his head. “He said no. Marshall and his squad will be with you until—”

“What do you mean he said no? Why would he say no?” You thought he liked you! Why wouldn’t he want to help you? Especially if it meant he could stay out of prison!

Ide shrugged. “Don’t know. You’re welcome to talk to him if you want. It means cutting down on your sleeping time, though.”

You puff up your cheeks. “Take me to him.”

“Jones, is it? Take Miss Rarity to the holding cells. The guards there know she has permission to see him. Ma’am, if he changes his mind, the deal is still there. Just get word to me.”

You nod, eager to talk some sense into Anon. Why would he deny you like that? Jones leads you further into the base than you’ve ever been before.

“What kind of building is this, anyway?” you ask to pass the time.

Jones answers, “It’s a base carved into a mountain. We don’t really use it for all that much anymore, but a number of facilities were still here so the higher ups decided to just go ahead and put you here.”

Carved into a mountain? Well, it couldn’t be any harder than building on the side of a mountain like Canterlot. Still, they did it without magic, which is amazing enough.

When the two of you get to the holding cells, the guards there take you to see Anon. The guard opens a large metal door and you find Anon within, lying on a hard-looking cot.

He looks up as the door opens. “Sup, Rarity?”

“Why wouldn’t you be my bodyguard?”

He shrugs, sitting up. “Prison’s easier and involves less of me being in the military again.”

“But it’s prison!”

“And? That place is heaven for people that know how to get drugs. I might get a little bored, but I also won’t be getting shot at by insane fucks that want to hurt you because you’re different.”

“But I thought you wanted to help me…”

He nods at Jones, who is standing at the door. “Looks like you get people helping you already. I don’t really want to get in the way of that. Besides, if I’m looking at this right, he’s a ranger. I was just regular army. They’ll be better at protecting you anyway.”

Jones answers, “Not entirely. If you decide to help her you’ll be forced to train with the rangers for a few weeks.”

Anon scoffs and says, “Definitely fuck that, then. That kind of training while I’m detoxing could kill me.”

“Everypony keeps saying that word! What does detoxing mean?”

Anon sighs and says, “When you get hooked on drugs, getting off of them is hard. Your body goes through withdrawal and you have several negative effects. Detoxing is when you get help while you’re going through it.”

Jones shrugged. “You wouldn’t have to worry about dying. It wouldn’t be easy, though. Besides, you wouldn’t go to regular prison. You’d go to military prison.”

Anonymous’s eyes go wide. “That bastard colonel didn’t tell me that!” He leans back against the wall, closing his eyes and presumably thinking. You see his mouth muttering.

“Well, Anonymous?” You grin to yourself. It looks like he’s trapped now!

“Fucking… Fine. Tell him I’ll take the damn deal.”

You smile deepens. Even if Anon is doing it for all the wrong reasons, you know you can help him out of his dark place. “I promise, you won’t regret it!”

“Whatever. Just… go. This’ll probably be my last chance for a good night’s sleep in the next month.”

You nod and start to depart before something occurs to you. “Anon, why didn’t you sell me out? You were a poacher, you said. Why did you decide to help me?”

You see that he’s already lying down again. Without looking up he answers, “Because you remind me of someone I once knew and you needed help.”

Well, at least you know he’s not just a mindless killer and criminal. That means he’ll be easier to help. Although… “Who did I remind you of?”

He was silent for some time. Eventually he said, “Go away, Rarity.”

You did just get him to do something he didn’t want to… Maybe respecting his privacy is for the best right now. “Very well, Anon. I will see you later, then.”

He doesn’t answer and you depart, leaving him in silence and darkness.

Jones closes the door behind you before following. “Not a very nice fellow. Why do you want him as a guard, again?”

“There’s something wrong with him and I want to help. This way I can keep him around and do so.”

“Oooo… That’s a bad idea, ma’am. You’re welcome to try it, but I don’t think it’ll end well.”

“And just why is that? A little generosity goes a long way, young man.”

You assume he’s young, at least. “Maybe with ponies. You’re more likely to piss a human off doing something like that than you are to change them.”

“Be that as it may, I have to try. He took me in and helped me when I was in a bad spot, so I have to do the same for him.”

He just shrugs.

You have to wonder, though… What if the humans were right? Marshall called Kain an… asshole. You don’t know what that means, but it sounded like an insult. Ide had a very low opinion of him and seemed to think he would be better off in prison.

And Anon himself didn’t seem that eager to help you anymore. Were you making a mistake?

Well… if you were, it was a mistake you were going to make. You are going to do your best to help Anon. Even if it doesn’t work, you can at least say you tried.

The next day, the physicists have a very… troubling experiment for you.

One of them explains, “So basically, we’re going to run small amounts of electricity through your horn and see what happens.”

You turn and look at your guard for the time, Marshall. “Just so I’m sure, electricity is the human version of magic, right?”

All of the physicists scoff, but Marshall nods. “Sort of, yes. That’s a very basic way of putting it. If the eggheads think it’s a good idea, it might be.” He looks up at one of them. “But you better not hurt her.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, sergeant.”

You know they would, after your less than satisfying explanation of magic.

One of the physicists leads you to a machine with two wires leading off of it, both with clamps attached to the end.

“Alright, here’s how this works: We put one clamp on the top of your horn and the other on the bottom, then we measure your magic output as we slowly increase the voltage. If it ever starts hurting, let us know and we’ll immediately shut it off.”

“You’re going to… clamp my horn?” You should slap him for even suggesting such a thing! You aren’t into that kinky stuff!

Well… not usually.

“Is that a problem?” one asks, actually sounding somewhat concerned.

Oh. You forgot that most humans don’t know about your horn’s sensitivity.

“Horns are… sensitive. And clamping them is considered… well, not something a lady would let just anypony do.”

The physicists share looks. One grins and says, “So basically we’re about to do some bdsm shit in here?”

The other two face-claw.

The oldest one sighs. “It’s nothing sexual, Rarity. It’s just something we have to test. Once we saw footage of your magic output increasing greatly when you were hit with a taser, we wondered if electricity would magnify your magic output. Any insult is accidental, as is any feelings of pleasure you might get from this.”

Once again, you don’t know if you should be insulted or not. “…Fine. Let’s just do this quickly.”

Maybe you can stop yourself from feeling aroused by this.

When one of them gently puts the clamp around your horn, you feel your tail involuntarily twitch. When the other clamp attaches, your ears drop and you feel a blush on your face.

There’s silence in the room at your reactions.

Eventually one of them says in an amused voice, “Starting the experiment. Normal magic power capped at sixty-seven pounds of force. Apply ten volts.”

You immediately begin to feel a tingling in your horn. It doesn’t hurt, but it doesn’t feel all that good, either.

“Punch the target, if you would,” one requests.

These fellows had set up a target for you to ‘punch’ at with telekinetic force. You hit it as hard as you can.

“Seventy-five pounds.”

“Wonderful! Twenty volts.” The tingling increases and you repeat the process of punching the target. “Eighty-three.”

“Thirty volts.” You hit it again.

“Ninety-six. Are you in any pain, ma’am?”

You take a slow breath. “No. It just feels… strange.” Your voice was strained, though.

“Slowly bring it up to a hundred.”

As one of the others rushes to comply, you feel your legs start getting shaky. When the scientist reports that the power is up, you punch the target again.

“Two hundred and twelve. Any pain?”

“N-n-no…”

“Decrease to eighty.”

The other does so and you punch again. “One hundred and seventy-three.”

“It bears more testing later, but it appears that pouring electricity into the focal point of your magic increases magic power. Rarity, are you willing to try a much higher number?”

“I… I can try.”

“Let us know if you need to stop. Put it on a thousand.”

The strange feeling intensifies until you can barely stand. Eventually the scientist reports it at a thousand. You punch the target so hard that it creaks. “Over two thousand.”

“Slowly bring the power down to zero. Well Rarity, it seems we found your way home. If you can figure out how to make a small portal, we can use this to increase your magic output until you’re strong enough to get home.”

“That’s… wonderful, darling.” And with that little revelation, you faint.

Author's Note

Greentext: http://pastebin.com/j8nY1eRb

Making the Best of a Boring Situtation

You snap awake some time later. You slowly look around, realizing that you’re in some kind of medical ward, in a bed that’s way too large to fit you.

You slowly sit up, checking your body for any aches or pains. Finding none, you call out, “Is anypony there?” The door immediately opens and in walks James and Tilson, followed by Marshall. “What happened?”

James smiled and said, “As far as we can tell, you passed out from exhaustion. There was nothing physically wrong.”

Tilson added, “And I hope you don’t mind, but we took the liberty of performing a few more tests while you were asleep.”

You did, in fact, mind, but there was no reason to make a fuss about it now. “How long was I asleep?”

Marshall finally spoke up, “Three days, ma’am.”

You nod, knowing what happened. “Magical coma. It’s what happens when a unicorn uses too much magic in too short of a period of time. The more magic that’s used, the longer they’re asleep. I’ve never heard of it killing anypony, thankfully.”

James sighed. “Well, that’s a relief. The physicists have been suitably chastised for almost killing the first proof we’ve had of extraterrestrial life. Looks like they wouldn’t have killed you, just put you out of commission for a while.”

Tilson grinned and said, “Still, it was a good time for us. We managed to measure your brain waves and—”

He goes on to say a long series of words that to you had no meaning or intelligence. You just smile and nod, since he’s saying it with a happy tone.

When he finishes, you look to James and asked, “What did he just say?”

Tilson rolls his eyes and James smiles. “He said your brain is similar to a human’s, but at the same time very different. That makes sense, since we evolved from monkeys and you evolved from some form of equine. Still, it’s fascinating that the first sentient life we meet is so similar to us…”

You look down at yourself before looking over at him. “Similar?”

“Mentally, not physically,” James said. “You dream, you have the same or similar emotions to ourselves, you think, you have tact and manners… If I was a philosopher, I would say that you are what would happen to us if we evolved from prey rather than predators.”

You… you never really thought of the humans as predators before. But looking over them… you feel a shiver go down your spine as you recall looking into the eyes of a diamond dog for the first time.

Yes, the humans are predators. And judging from their history, they are very, very good at their craft. But they haven’t hurt you on purpose yet. And you think that as long as you play along, they won’t hurt you at all. So that’s what you’ll do, Rarity. Play along and do your best to get home.

“So… what now?” you ask.

Marshall said, “You have the rest of the day off, ma’am. We didn’t know when you would wake up, so we decided to let you do so before we scheduled anything else for you. And we decided to give you a full twenty-four hours after you woke up in case anything else was wrong. As soon as Doctor Tilson says you can leave, you are free to wander the non-restricted parts of the base. Or if you had something else in mind, you are free to do that.”

Tilson took a step toward you. “After a quick checkup, I can clear you. James, would you like to assist?”

Between the two doctors, they do a relatively short check of your health to make sure you are healthy enough to leave.

Soon enough, Tilson says, “You are free to leave, Miss Rarity. You are healthy as a horse, if I do say so.” He got three glares for that pun. He just grinned before the two scientists left.

You sit in bed, pondering what you can do. “Is it possible for me to see Anonymous?”

“No ma’am. He’s very busy with advanced training. He won’t be able to talk until he gets off tonight, and then he’ll be too exhausted to.”

“I see… Then is it possible for me to get some needles, thread, and fabric?”

He blinked a few times. “It… might be. The needles will have to be cleared, of course…” You hear him murmuring into his ‘walky-talky’ or whatever he calls it. “Boss-man wants to know why you want the supplies, ma’am.”

“My special talent is fashion, Marshall. It’s been too long since I got to dip my hooves into the industry, and seeing some of the human outfits around here… It’s given me all manner of inspiration. And if you must know, it’s very good at relieving stress.”

“Whatever you say.” He goes back to talking into the thing on his shoulder. Eventually he looks up. “Looks like you’re in luck, ma’am. The colonel’s wife is apparently into knitting and sewing. I can’t promise it’ll be much, but there will be a sewing kit waiting for you in your room in a few minutes.”

You hop out of bed, taking a moment to stretch. “I suppose a bit of beauty sleep did me good…” Marshall didn’t comment… You were beginning to miss Spike, who would take any opportunity possible to compliment you.

Although did you really want a human to tell you that you’re beautiful?

Before you can continue on that disturbing line of thought, somepony slammed the door of the medical ward open, rushing in. You and Marshall both look over and see two humans wearing ugly doctor clothing wheeling another human in on a stretcher.

Marshall grabs you and pulls you out of the way as they rush past you, before putting the patient on another bed in the ward. “Training accident, if I had to guess.” He put you down. “Come on, the docs here know what they’re doing.”

Well, it wasn’t Anonymous that they wheeled in… And you don’t want to get in the way. You follow Marshall out of the room.

“Where do you want to go?” he asks.

You know that if you were asleep for three days, you can’t have had much in the way of food. You may not feel it, but your body needs something to eat. “Can we go to the dining hall?”

“I can take you to the mess hall. I hope that’s good enough.”

You sigh, tired of calling it that. The food isn’t that great, but they don’t have to remind you every time that you’re eating slop.

He chuckles and leads the way to the cafeteria. You grab your tray in silence and fill it up. However… this time you sit at a table that has humans at it.

Silence reigns as the humans stare at you.

“Um… hello, everypony.” They all blink and look at each other when you call them ponies. Oh Celestia… You quietly eat some of your spaghetti, hoping you didn’t just sabotage a chance at friends.

“Hi.”

One of them spoke back! Quick, think of something a human would talk about!

“So how about that predatoring?”

…

THAT WAS THE WORST. POSSIBLE. THING! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, RARITY?!

The human is understandably very taken aback. “I didn’t know anyone told you about the drones. It’s pretty fun, I guess. I get to help the soldiers over in Afghanistan while being in a safe environment. How did you know I was a predator drone operator, though?”

…Did you just accidentally do something very right?

Of course you did. You are Rarity, after all. But what was he talking about?

“Um. Lucky guess?”

“One hell of a guess. Name’s Robert. Me and the others here, we’re curious about where you come from. What’s your home like?”

You smile, back on a topic you’re familiar with. You regale them with tales of peace and happiness. You tell them about the elements and your adventures with your friends. You teach them of the kindness of Celestia and the horrors of Discord.

All in all, you had fun. The humans seemed to enjoy your stories as well, though they were less than impressed with some of the methods you and your friends used to solve some of your problems.

Robert snorted. “That Chrysalis bitch sounds like she needs a missile to the face.”

“Well, she wasn’t so bad,” you said, unable to help defending her. "I mean, she was just trying to feed her changelings. She just went about it in a bad way, is all.”

Marshall decided to join the conversion. “A ‘bad way’ shouldn’t involve potential genocide. If she tried anything like that here, it would not end well for her.”

“Well, we’re not as naturally violent as you seem to be. I heard somepony here call it the predator’s instinct.” It was probably one of the historians. “The fellow that said it was talking about a situation in my world that started similar to a situation here, but ended in a very different way because you chose violence while we chose peace.”

The humans all shrug at that. “I like to think we aren’t as violent as we once were, but I don’t really know. But we’re definitely predators while you are prey. It’s interesting to think about, at least. Still, I think it’s time these men went back to duty.”

Robert looked over at the clock and nodded. “Yep. Our break is ending soon. It was nice talking to you, ma’am.”

Well, he still called you ma’am, but at least he seemed to enjoy it. Maybe you can make some friends here after all. Before you can answer, he and his friends depart. You watch in a familiar silence as they leave.

You sigh and finish up your food before leaving as well, Marshall trailing behind you. You’ve made the trip between the mess hall and your room enough times to know the way by now.

When you arrive, you find a fabulous sewing kit waiting for you, as well as a number of drab fabrics that could only have come from spare military uniforms.

You look over what you have before inspiration strikes. Thankfully, a ruler was included in the supplies you were given. You levitate it up.

“Mister Marshall, would you mind if I took your measurements?”

“I… okay?”

You look him over, waiting a few moments. “Well?”

“Well what?”

“I need you out of those clothes, Marshall.”

He blinks a few times before looking at an inconspicuous part of the wall. “You heard her. This is for measurements, nothing else.”

He very carefully manages to remove his shirt without letting go of his gun at all. You wouldn’t have taken it, of course, but you have to admire his ability to hold onto it.

You also have to admire his muscles…

He then removes a layer of pants… only to reveal an inner layer. He stops there. “And the last piece?” you ask.

He shakes his head. “That’s not coming off.”

“I don’t see what the big deal is…”

“I’m not taking it off.”

“Fine, be that way. If your new set of clothing is measured wrong, it’ll be your fault, not mine.”

You float the measuring tape over to him and begin taking measurements, marking them all down in your head since you don’t have paper or a quill. It’s a lot to remember, but you have a lot of practice.

When you have everything noted, you begin creating. You barely notice Marshall getting dressed as you fly scissors and fabric and needles and thread all around your room.

“It might be a little sloppy without an equinnequin to use as a base, but I’ll do my best.”

“You mean a mannequin?” he asks.

“Hm. That too, I suppose.” You admit that you weren’t really paying much attention to what you were talking about. You were in the zone, finally making an outfit for the first time since you got to this world.

It feels right.

Of course, you’re sadly limited in materials, so it takes you less than an hour to finish. You float the new set of clothing over to Marshall. “Please, try them on!”

He looks at them dubiously. “Like, right now?”

“Well, when else?”

He looks past the clothes to you. “I’m not really supposed to leave my uniform while on duty, Rarity. I could already get in trouble for letting you measure me.”

“Oh come now! I’m a foreign ambassador, right? Just tell them you’re doing me a little favor.”

He sighed, but grabs the clothes. “Alright…”

Once again, he managed to remove his shirt without letting go of his gun. Again, it would be impressive if it didn’t mean he was still paranoid about you.

He wasted no time putting his new clothing on. They looked good on him, if you do say so yourself. But… “That ugly thing really doesn’t fit the outfit, you know.” Meaning his gun, of course.

“The trouble I’d get for being caught out of uniform would pale in comparison to the trouble I’d be in if I let go of this thing for a moment. Thank you, Rarity. It’s a little too… formal… to wear for most occasions and too military to wear for those formal occasions I do need suits for, but it’s nice.”

Just because it’s nice doesn’t mean he doesn’t seem to want to get out of it quickly. You’re afraid he doesn’t like it… but he did mention needing to be in uniform.

You know how military pon—humans are, after all.

So you do your best to swallow the crushing sadness you feel as he casually tosses your outfit aside in favor of his uniform.

“So… what do you usually do for fun around here?”

He took a moment to think before answer, “Well, there’s a rec hall somewhere around here. There’s a few games there, a few books, and some TVs.” Your ears droop at the mention of TV. “Yeah, not a fan myself. We also have an exercise room, though I don’t know if you’d be able to use any of the equipment. You could at least jog, I suppose. There’s really not a lot for us to do in our down time.”

“What about archery? Do you have anything like that here?”

He raises an eyebrow. “Not that I know of. And I don’t think anyone would consent to giving you a gun and letting you try your luck at the range.”

You sigh. The bow was a lot of fun… “I don’t suppose there’s a spa?”

“There is not.” Well, shoot.

In the end, you settled for going to the gym. He was right, though; you were too small to use most of the equipment as it was meant to be used.

You made do as you could. Celestia knows you needed to keep up your marish figure, and the constant lack of exercise you had been going through didn’t help.

…Not that any of the humans appreciated your attempts to look good. It was for your own self-image, of course. Although you did notice a number of them watching you.

Marshall hastily assured you that it was because they were curious to see how you would work out. Once again, you didn’t know if you should have felt insulted. At this point, you just wanted to go home.

Instead you went back to your room and took a nice long bubble bath.

The next day, you had an extended session with the historians, talking about all manner of things. Culture, day to day life, and—surprise surprise—fashion. It didn’t even occur to you until you were already with the physicists to wonder why they switched gears so quickly.

Speaking of the physicists, they hooked you back up to their little machine and had you practice with stronger magic. They didn’t go to any larger numbers, since they knew the potential consequences now.

But, as Twilight once told you, magic is like a muscle. When you practice with it and exercise it, it becomes stronger. The physicists were hoping to make you stronger so you could hold a portal for longer with more electricity pumped into your horn.

You wondered why they wanted to have a portal for a long time when all they were going to do was send you home, but you did welcome the chance to practice magic and get stronger at it.

After all, it was nice to finally feel strong in magic, like Twilight or the princesses must feel. With the electricity molding with your magic, you feel like you could do anything at all.

One of the physicists proposed an interesting yet terrifying idea: “Do you think it’s possible to attach a battery or something to her horn and let her draw as much as she needs for a particular spell? Kind of like a reserve that she only accesses if she wants to use a spell stronger than what she wants, and that lets her do it whenever she wants?”

You honestly liked the sound of that. And just think about what somepony like Twilight would be able to do with that kind of power!

…Actually, you don’t want to think about giving Twilight something like that… She’s smart, but occasionally lacking in the common sense department.

“It’s certainly possible,” one of them answers. “It would take a lot of work and more understanding of how magic works for us to be able to make it run only when she wants to do something that goes over her normal max magic ability.”

Another nods. “Yeah. We still don’t know just what magic is. The only way we have of detecting it is by its effects. We still can’t detect her actually using magic.”

Your guard, Vance, speaks up. “Hey guys, sorry if this is stupid, but I was thinking… If electricity makes her stronger, what would an EMP do?”

“Young man, EMPs do not do what they do on television and your newfangled videogames. However… now that you mention it, a faraday cage or something like it could do the trick. It shouldn’t be that hard to test, we just need to ground her horn.”

You jump back, not wanting any kind of grinding tool near your sensitive horn. “You want to do WHAT to my horn?”

“It’s a science term, Rarity. It would involve no manner of grinding. Basically, it means that we attach an electrode to your horn and attach the other side to the floor. It should be quick and easy to test.”

That doesn’t sound so bad. “What’s an electrode?”

“One of those clamps you already have on your horn. We can have it set up in five minutes.”

So you get to freely wander around in the room while the scientists fiddle around doing science things. You see Vance watching you while he idly twists something neat looking on his wrist.

“What is that, darling?” You really want to get rid of his fear of you. Showing him that you’re harmless might help.

“Just a watch, ma’am.”

“…May I see it?”

You aren’t quite certain of what a ‘watch’ is, but you have seen a number of humans with things on their wrists. Maybe it’s something you can use in your fashion?

He sighs and undoes some manner of strap on his wrist before holding the ‘watch’ up. You grab it with your magic and—

…Strange.

You grab it with…

Why isn’t the grabbing part working? You peer up at your horn to make sure it’s working.

“Ma’am?”

“Um. Is my horn glowing to you?”

You’re steadily trying to take the watch.

“Yes?”

Hm. You change your grip to his shirt and tug at it. He flinches and you go back to trying to take his watch. “Strange… I can’t seem to move it!”

The scientists are starting to pay attention now.

“Can’t move what?” one of them asks.

“His watch, or whatever it’s called. My magic isn’t working on it!”

The scientists look at each other before one of them runs over and snatches the watch, looking it over. “Nothing strange… See if you can move this one.” He pulls off his metallic one. You easily grab it and gently tug it away from him. “Now try this one again.” Once again, you try pulling the black watch toward you. He looks over at Vance. “Is this watch standard issue?”

Vance nodded. “Yes sir.”

“Tell someone to bring three more here immediately. This bears investigating.”

Vance presses a button on his mic and says things into it while the scientist gestures you over. “While he’s doing that, let’s see if this grounding idea works.”

They put another clamp on your horn. The other leads somewhere else. “Hit the target, please.” You do so. “Sixty-five. Normal. Well, it was worth a try.”

Someone walked in carrying a few more watches. “What did you even need these for?” the soldier asked.

“Science,” one of the physicists answered. “Leave them here, please.” The soldier shrugged and did so, leaving the room.

“Now, Rarity, attempt to levitate any of these, please.” You do so. With much more concentration than usual, you’re able to pick one of them up.

“It’s… a lot harder than usual,” you tell him.

The scientists nodded. “We’ll study these watches tonight while you move on. We might have an answer tomorrow for why you can’t move them.”

This could be bad. You knew they were looking for ways to counter magic, but you never thought they’d succeed! Now, if they managed to open a portal…

They’d be able to fight back against your only advantage. Just what have you gotten you and everpony into, Rarity?

The next day, your trip to the physicists enlarged your fear. “We think we know what is causing your magic to stop. Radiation. There was a tiny amount of radium in the watches you were trying to move yesterday. We’re going to test that today.”

One of the others nods and says, “Blah blah blah, how we did this isn’t important. Hit the target, please. As hard as you can.” You metaphorically rear back and hit the target with your magic. “Six. It barely moved at all!”

One of the scientists does the most horrifying thing you’ve ever heard a human do: He leans back and lets out an evil, maniacal laugh.

One of them crosses his arms and gives him a blank stare. “…Are you done?”

“Yeah, I’m good. Shall we keep testing?”

What have you done, Rarity?

Author's Note

Greentext: http://pastebin.com/UvxjYgLQ

Meeting New Pon—People

It has been a few days since the scientists learned how to nullify your magic. They know something called radiation is what causes it, but they aren’t sure why. Not that it truly matters to you, of course. You’re just worried about what they’ll do now that they can make you truly helpless.

Not that they’ve really given you any reason to be worried. It’s just a feeling you have in the back of your mind. Maybe it has something to do with how you finally realized they’re all predators, even if they act kindly.

Today, your guard told you that you would have a guest. “Who is he?” you ask, almost trotting to keep up with the harried looking young stall—er, man.

“A very important... official,” Vance answers. “Being late would be bad. Very bad.”

That’s almost enough to make you feel somewhat guilty, but you aren’t used to being rushed around any more. “I do apologize. I just had to get my hair right for somepon—one so important!”

Vance doesn’t even seem to hear you and instead just glances down at his watch, worry plastered on his face. Apparently what he sees shocks him, as his eyes go wide and his mouth drops. “Oh God!” He turns to you and says, “Forgive me!” before wrapping his sweating arms around you, tearing you from the ground, and sprinting down the hall.

“Unhoof me!” you shout, trying to break free of his filthy grip. All that work you put into your mane can’t be ruined!

“No time!” he answers, neither letting you down nor stopping. It’s tempting to force him to stop, but you really don’t want to risk getting punished. The humans have been nice and they’ve allowed you to keep using magic even though they can block it. You have no desire to give them a reason to force you to stop.

Besides, you would hate to have to whine at them for hours. No, it’s better to keep that tool in reserve.

Thankfully, it didn’t take him long to get where he was taking you. When he does arrive in a room devoid of anypony else, he promptly sets you down. “Sorry about that,” he pants, reaching into his pocket for something. You just huff and eye what he pulls out: a comb. “I can’t undo the... heh, damage, but maybe you can cover it up with this.

As you ensorcel the comb over, you almost manage to ignore him shivering and eyeing the floating object with distaste. “You don’t happen to have a mirror in there as well, do you?” you sigh, your eyes attempting to peek at your mane from their useless place in your head.

“Afraid not, ma’am, but I do have something that might work just as well...” You look back over to him as he jerks a large knife out of a sheath on his belt. “Think you can see your reflection in this?”

While you know you should be somewhat alarmed at the sight of such a dangerous weapon, you manage to keep it in check. After all, the humans seem to allow him to carry around a gun, which is supposedly so much worse. What’s a knife compared to something that can kill for miles? So instead you answer, “Thank you,” and gently pluck the knife from his hands with magic.

The knife is a very poor mirror, but you needed anything you could get to fix the mess your mane was in. And the poor dear looked rather guilty for messing it up—or maybe he was still just worried about being late—and you know you needed to help assuage it by letting him think he was helping you.

After a minute of doing what you could, your guard spoke up, “I don’t suppose you could hurry it up? If someone walks in and sees you with that thing—”

A new, authoritative male voice broke in with, “They’ll see a lady fixing her hair with the limited tools she has.” The knife almost slips from your magical grip as you quickly turn to face the new speaker. Before you stands an average sized darker human wearing a rather fetching suit. A large white smile tears his face in two.

“Mister Pres—ah, Mister Obama! I-I can explain!” the young soldier next to you stammers.

“No need, son,” he answers, stepping aside to let Major Ide enter behind him. Vance’s eyes open even wider as he snatches the knife out of the air and salutes.

“Sir!”

Ide narrows his eyes the bared weapon. “Soldier, there had better be a very, very good reason that knife is out and she was holding it.”

Your ears droop at his tone. Vance is in trouble. “That was my fault,” you quickly answer. “I didn’t have time to fix up my mane before we left this morning and I just wanted to make sure it was in a proper condition to meet somepony new. Mister Vance here was just doing what he could to assist me.”

The glare the major is wearing promises that it isn’t over between him and poor Vance, but at least you tried. The Obama fellow seems to not care, though. “Relax, Major. Trust has to come from somewhere. Reliable contact can’t be established and held if we don’t trust them, after all. Even if it is just trusting Miss Rarity with a poor excuse for a mirror.”

Ide doesn’t seem to relax any, but he does quietly say, “At ease, soldier.” You can’t help but wonder what kind of power this Obama has that he can make the commander of the base stand down. Vance hurriedly shoves the knife back where it belongs, grabs the comb from the air, and steps back, taking a position against the back wall of the smallish room. In fact, the place felt rather crowded with you and the fou—Wait, there are four humans in here?

When the fourth human, wearing a suit and sunglasses, sees that you finally notice him, he just looks down at you impassively, not saying a word.

“Now that that’s out of the way,” the one called Obama was saying, “my name is Barack Obama. This is Ace, my friend.” He waves a hand to the hulking fellow standing next to him. “He doesn’t talk much at all, so don’t mind him. I’m here to have a few talks with you and maybe follow you about your average day, if I have time.”

“Oh, I don’t mind at all. It’s really quite boring here since I just spend most of my time answering questions or dealing with the scientists. There isn’t much for a pony like me to do.”

“I can arrange some things for you to do, if you’d like,” he replies. “Just tell me any of your hobbies and I’ll see what I can do about getting you supplies for them.”

“I don’t want to be a bother...” Though you have to admit, having more sewing supplies would help keep you occupied and relaxed.

“It’s no trouble at all, Miss Rarity. Just let me know before the day is out what you need or want and we’ll do our best to accommodate you.”

“I’ll... think about it, then.”

“Excellent. Now come, sit. It’s time we discussed business, I believe.” He nods to a rather nice couch set up for you while he walks to a standard chair.

As you walk over to the couch, you can’t help but compare it to your chaise lounge. It is a rather poor comparison for this sofa, but it’s considerably better than trying to sit in one of those difficult human chairs.

When you get situated, you ask, “So what kind of business did you wish to discuss?”

“The first discussion topic is relatively simple. Do you know what a god is yet?”

“Of course. The historians were able to explain that to me fairly well.”

“Good. Do you consider your Princess Celestia a god?”

That question takes you aback. “I... No? I believe she would be rather offended if anypony tried to worship her. That’s a strange question to ask, Mister Obama.”

“Strange, perhaps, but important,” he answers. “It brings us to the second thing I wanted to ask. Do you know how the ponies in general would take to us?”

“...What do you mean?” you ask, not certain you like what he means by that.

“Miss Rarity, you and your kind are the first proof we’ve had of an alien race, something with sentience that isn’t human. This is huge for us humans, something we’ve dreamt of for millennia. The cultural exchange that could happen is immense. But that amounts to nothing at all if they would refuse any contact with us past getting you back. Could we establish diplomatic relations with your race?”

Now that one definitely surprised you. The impression you had been getting from the humans is that they wanted to help you get home and that would be the end of it. But this... This was something else! “I... honestly don’t know. I certainly don’t see why not! But you might want to... curtail what you tell some ponies about your rather unseemly past.”

He shakes his head. “Hiding from the past invites a repeat of it. Humanity became what it is today because of what we’ve done in the past. If the ponies in your world are too afraid to accept us because of our past, then that will be the end of it. It would be a sad day in history for all of us to learn that the only other race we ever came into contact with cut us off because of our past, but maybe that would be a good thing. Perhaps it would even give us a reason, an excuse, to change.”

“Change in what way?” you ask.

“In a way that involves much less violence, I would hope. Humanity is not united, not by any stretch of the word. I and several others want that to change. But that is not the topic of discussion. What about the other races on your world? The griffins or the dragons or... whatever else is there. How would they take to us?”

“I don’t know. Mister Obama, I am a fashionista, not a noble or a traveler. I know of other races, but I know very little about them. I can count on one of your hands the number of griffins I’ve met. All but one of the dragons I’ve been forced to deal with have been jerks. The diamond dogs kidnapped me and tried to use me for slave labor. Almost nopony even knew what changelings were before they attacked. There are so many races on my world that I don’t know most of them.”

“I see. Do you at least know how your government views them? Or what the race relations there are?”

“I’m not a politician, Mister Obama. Friendliness is the prime national export of Equestria and every race is welcome there if they come in peace, but I’m sure there are exceptions that I don’t know about. Few ponies leave the country or share what they know about the other races. I’m sorry I can’t be of more help, but I honestly don’t know much.”

“It’s quite alright, I assure you. You’re not unlike the average voter, so don’t feel bad.” Though you aren’t quite sure what that means, you don’t think it’s an insult. “It just means we’ll have to go in blind. At least you ponies seem to be extremely friendly. I’m sure they’ll be willing to at least give us a chance.”

“That’s true, I suppose. Now forgive me if I seem rude, but why do you really care what we think of you? Why are you so interested in establishing relations?”

“I understand that it might not make sense to you. After all, you grew up in a land where there are plenty of other sentient races. Here, humanity is alone. For almost the entirety of our history, we’ve been alone. There have been so many who have asked the question, ‘Is mankind truly alone in the universe?’. We finally have an answer. Imagine being alone in the dark for thousands of years. And then a group of people find you, each carrying candles. How closely would you cling to them, for either the light or the company? We are the man locked in darkness. You and your world are those with candles. Can you truly blame us for being so curious?”

That actually did make you understand. You nod. “Yes, that makes sense. I suppose if we were the only species on our planet, we would be equally curious to meet a new one.”

“I’m glad you understand. Of course, we have to get you home before we can truly begin. And it’s extremely important that we get the word out about you.” For some reason, he smiles. “We’re going to give Roswell alien enthusiasts everywhere something to talk about soon, I believe. In two more days, you and information about you will be released to the public. If all goes well, we’ll bring you to a closed-doors meeting shortly after. I believe you’re going to grow to miss the boredom you had here in this base. But you will get better accommodations, so I suppose that’s a plus.”

“I... see. Though why are you doing this all so soon? I thought the major said I was supposed to meet somepony important, the president, before I did anything like that.”

“You don’t need to worry about that. It’s all been taken care of. Once you finish with meeting the representatives of all the other countries, you might have some small amount of freedom to do as you’d like. You’ll still have a schedule you’ll need to follow—that can’t be helped, sadly—but you might have more freedom. Have you seen a TV yet?”

“Yes, I have. Anonymous had one in his house and I watched it for a few minutes.”

“Then you know what it can do. There are also news stations. You’ll be on every single one of them in a few days. I rather hope you like being famous, Miss Rarity, because you most definitely will be. You’ll also be all over the internet. I imagine you’ll have some rather interesting fans there shortly.”

“Internet?” you ask, finally confused. “I believe that was mentioned in one of the sessions, or maybe by Anon, but I don’t really know what that is.”

“I’ll let the historians explain that one for you, then. Once you leave this base, you’ll probably have more specialized protection, men like Ace here. “

“What about Anon?” you quickly ask.

He blinks in what might be surprise. “If you... really want him, I suppose it can be arranged. I would like to know why, though.”

“He’s hurting and I want to help him. I don’t know what the problem is, but I believe that, given time, I can draw it out of him and maybe even fix it.”

“Hmm. Not the wisest of reasons, but noble. If it will make you happy, you can keep him with you when you leave. If he accedes, of course. Major, when will he be done with his new training?”

“Tomorrow, sir.”

“When he is, make sure he is delivered to Miss Rarity. Oh, and does your society have slaves?”

Your eyes open wide before you realize he was actually asking in ignorance, not trying to insult you. “No,” you tersely answer.

“I don’t mean to offend. I’m just making sure I’m not sending a man off to be a slave.”

You sigh and reply, “I understand. When two radically different cultures meet, I suppose it’s understandable for there to be some confusion. I know you don’t mean to offend. I’ll just have to keep reminding myself of that.”

“Just as we humans will all have to do the same, though I believe you’ve had plenty of your questions answered already.” Before you or he could say anything else, the large hulking fellow he called Ace taps Obama on the shoulder and leans in to whisper something. When he pulls back, Obama sighs. “I’m afraid we will have to cut this meeting short, Miss Rarity. I was hoping to be able to spend more time with you on an informal setting, but it seems that will have to wait. Before I go, do you have any questions for me?”

“Two, yes. First, you mentioned that you could arrange some things for me. Can you get me a sewing machine and plenty of materials for it?”

“That shouldn’t be difficult,” he replies with a shrug. “What’s the other?”

“Major Ide said I would be meeting more and more important humans until I was finally introduced to the president. Who are you and what title do you have?”

He smiles and replies, “I’m afraid I might have made a liar out of the major. I am Barack Obama, President of the United States of America. It was nice to meet you, Rarity.” Your mouth drops at that revelation. He chuckles at your response. “I do apologize for tricking you like that. But I decided it would be best to meet you without you knowing who I was. You weren’t supposed to learn until after some less formal talking, but sadly that couldn’t happen. Now, I’m afraid I have to go. Something came up that I need to deal with.”

Not wanting to ruin this meeting any more than you already had, you hurriedly jump up and bow as he stands. There’s no telling how poorly he thinks of you for not following protocols!

Except... he’s laughing? You slowly look up, trying not to offend him any more than you surely already had.

“There’s no need to bow, Miss Rarity. Despite how some of my opposition view me, I’m just another man trying to make life better for everyone. I’m no royal to be bowed to.”

“It’s not... expected?” you hesitantly ask.

“Neither expected nor encouraged,” he answers. “It was a pleasure, Miss Rarity. Until we meet again.” He nods and walks out the door, his large friend following close behind him.

That leaves you alone with the two military fellows. Without wasting any time, you quickly pull yourself out of your bow, trying to hide the surprise on your face. “I thought someone told you about that,” Major Ide idly comments. “Ah well. Now you know for the future. You alright over there, soldier?” he asks Vance, standing behind you.

When you look back there, you see him blushing up a storm and looking away from you and the major. “Y-yes sir.”

“Good. See to it that she gets to the mess. I’ll have Marshall relieve you there. When he does, you find me in my office immediately, got it?”

“Yes sir,” he glumly sighs, likely expecting something to come from that whole knife incident. “Come along, ma’am. Let’s get some food in you.”

As you walk to the door, you hear the major say, “That better be all you get in her. I saw where your eyes were, Vance.”

The soldier puts on a stricken expression that you swear just screams out ‘traitor’ as he looks at the commander. “Yes sir!” he practically squeaks before bundling you out the door, probably hoping he could escape his commanding officer’s wrath.

“What was he talking about?” you slyly ask as the two of you walk down the hall, side by side. His flinch was unexpected.

“Nothing, ma’am,” he replies, clearly embarrassed.

A smile comes unbidden to your face, knowing full well what happened. When you foolishly bowed down, it seems a certain young human got himself an eye full. “Well, did you like what you saw?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he hastily replies, turning even redder. “And I can assure you, anything I might have seen was definitely an accident and not even close to on purpose.”

WHY WON’T ANYPONY CALL YOU PRETTY?!

...That’s okay, Rarity. You’ll be home soon and you’ll have all your ardent admirers back. And even more, for being the first one to meet the humans!

Of course, first you have to survive Earth. And to do that, you’ll need to eat. Which brings you to where you arrive next: The cafeteria. Despite the relatively few options you’re given, there has always been something there you’re willing to eat, healthy or not. By the time you got to the line, Vance had already managed to escape you, getting replaced by his sergeant.

“How’d your meeting go?” your new escort asks as he joins you in line.

“It went... well, until the end,” you answer. “I... might have panicked when he told me that he was the president and I forgot that I wasn’t supposed to bow.”

He snickers and says, “Oh man, I wish I had been there to see that. The look on Obama’s face must have been priceless.”

“I imagine it probably was...” you sigh. “Sadly, I was too busy looking down, hoping he wasn’t angry.”

“Nah, he doesn’t seem like the kind that would get mad about that. Better to make the mistake in relative privacy than to do it in front of billions when you’re on TV, though.”

“...Right.” It wasn’t until then that you realized just what it meant to be truly famous on Earth. If the president was correct, your face would be on TV, on something millions of humans probably watched at any given time. If it was a special occurrence, you could potentially be seen by billions of them at one time. It was... a harrowing thought, one that made your knees somewhat shaky.

“You alright?” Marshall asks, putting a hand on your back.

“I... I don’t think I’m that hungry anymore,” you quietly answer. Sweet Celestia, if you mess up, every single human will know!

...No pressure, Rarity.

“Yeah, I can see why,” he mutters, looking ahead of you to the food serving area. “I know I wouldn’t want to eat that kind of slop. You’ll be almightily hungry if you don’t eat, though.”

“I’m trying to work on my figure anyway,” you faintly say. “Can I go back to my room now?”

“Sure, I guess. You’ll have to spend some more time with the historians and then with some other people the president left behind soon, though.”

You didn’t answer, too busy with your own thoughts. Six billion humans. All watching you. Watching. Waiting. Looking for any mistake or sign of weakness.

Six billion humans. Six billion predators. What have you gotten yourself into, Rarity?

Author's Note

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1c6ZxkVcHPLyS_8A-1Cd43xyK4WkFCMMKNvjMU-nN3wM/edit

Midway upon the journey of my life
I found myself within a forest dark,
for the straightforward pathway had been lost...