The Mental Maunderings of a Mad Man

“So now,” Tyler’s rancid breath fills my nostrils and tears come unwillingly to my eyes, “what should I do?” I gulp silently and try to back away but his gnarled hand shoots out and five tobacco stained and yellowed fingers grab a hold of me. I resist but it’s futile; he just won’t let go. “Let me axe you this one more time,” he spits in my face as he snarls out the words viciously, “WHAT should I do to you?!” he screams. “ANSWER ME!” my body is shaken thoroughly and I claw at him as he pushes me up against my own car. “WHAT SHOULD I DO?!” he howls at me.

“You should let him go,” a gentle, yet authoritarian voice cries out when Tyler’s hands begin to slide up to my neck. “You big meany!” the stranger adds and my heart sinks when the realization of who is speaking occurs to my terror ridden mind.

“Well, well,” Tyler drops me and from my new position on the uneven gravel I witness his short trip from me to her.

“Tyler,” I choke out as he nears the frightened pink pony, “Leave her be, you’re mad at me remember?”

“Shut up.” He takes a moment to sneer at me before turning to look down at the poor girl, who I can only assume appears as a five year old in her pretty princess phase to him. “There,” he stops only when another step forward would knock the girl to the ground, “I let him go, now what should I do with you?” he grabs the girl by the nape of the neck and I can only imagine what he thinks he’s groping at. “Maybe I should show you why my nickname’s Penalizer.” He laughs uproariously and smiles perversely, “I’ll give you a hint,” he leans in and whispers, “It’s got nothing to do with sports, or penalties neither!”

“Dear Goddess,” I pray over the sound of gavel crunching beneath my tattered sneakers, “if you’re there,” I lift myself up off the ground, “if you’re listening,” I crouch and take a deep breath, “let this work!” with that desperate request uttered I shove one foot back and propel my respectable girth at the jock strap hassling a visitor not from this universe or even this dimension. My thighs pump quickly, my legs pound into the shifting pebbles underfoot, and with little more than a yard separating my tormentor, his current victim, and myself I charge. The bum rush works brilliantly as I tear Tyler away and bring him to the ground with a satisfying thud.

My heart dashes madly in flailing attempts to circulate blood throughout my enraged body as lay into the now quivering quarterback below me. My shouts and gasps for sweet air mix into a soundtrack of hatred and sadism. My fists come crashing down unto Tyler’s unprotected face like the timber fell by a lumberjack. Rational thoughts are repressed and any emotion besides unbridled rage becomes a rarity. All discipline and shyness die away as words of venom and bile spew forth accompanied by spittle and sheer contempt from my lips. A celestial oddity diverts my attention for but a moment and my swings and strikes slow and cease while my eyes drift upwards to see the moon fall into place at the dawn of an unnaturally early twilight. My heart rate declines until it’s reached a normal level and my blows to Tyler’s face and chest end entirely. I close my eyes to avoid seeing the pinkish maroon fluids pooling around his head.

“Praise Eris…” I murmur, stand, and walk towards my car, swaying drunkenly as I go. “Are you…” My concerns for the petrified pink pony fade away as her expression of pure abhorrence betrays her opinion of me. I lean against my Aveo and slowly slide down slumping softly to the hard ground as the adrenaline wavers and my mind returns to normal. “I’m… I’m so sorry you saw that.” I gasp between each ragged, pained breath. “But he deserved it, he really did.”

“Celestia was right…” she whimpers, her teal eyes dart to and fro from my fallen opponent and me.

“Right about what?” I sob.

“That…” she nervously approaches me and sits down leaning against my heaving side, “that you’d protect us if need be.” She cuddles closer to me and buries her head of long, fluffy curls into my neck. “Thank you.”

As the last of the tears sweep away from my lashes, and as my hands tremble so violently my lips curl into a smile, a small, bittersweet smile, but a smile nonetheless. “No worries.” I whisper. “I’d never let harm befall my friends.” our tender moment lasts but a minute before Tyler stirs and a world of pain threatens to unfold upon anyone foolish enough to remain near him as he regains consciousness. “We need to go,” I stand, helping the pony up as I go and watch morbidly as my enemy groans and props his beaten figure up with his only unbroken arm. “Now.” I command.

The pony and I hurry into my car and flee the scene before curious bystanders or furious footballers can bother us. Knowing nowhere else to go I simply head for home and hope for the best. My eyes lose focus and what I can only address as a variety of highway hypnosis overcomes me. I don’t remember driving, or even talking. I don’t know how I made it to where I’m at or how long it’s been. Hell, I can’t even see half the road in front of me or the houses to either side, but that may just be the fault of their actual disappearance, after all the events of today such unimportant details fail to hold my attention for long.

“My name is Pinkie Pie,” the pony at my side speaks suddenly as I turn on to my street, “Sorry for not introducing myself earlier.” She chuckles halfheartedly and lays her head on my knee. “Usually I throw a huge, big party for whenever I meet a new pony… I guess that’ll have to wait.”

“Don’t worry about it.” I reassure her. “That’s my motto in life, one of them anyway; No worries. Hakuna Matata, that sort of thing. If something can be done, then don’t worry about it, and if it can’t be, then certainly don’t worry about it.”

“No worries.” She tries the phrase out for herself and is pleased; I’m pleased as well just from seeing her eyes light up and her lips twist into such a sweet smile.

“No worries,” I remind her as we pull into my driveway, “Everything happens whether we want it to or not. So let’s enjoy the good, survive the norm, and pull each other through the chaos and into the light.”

“Let’s.”