Malignant

“Oh, Twilight~” I heard an alluring voice call from the other side of the Library. I sighed, resisting the urge to facehoof, and levitated my book to a safe height. “Could you give me a hoof please?” the voice cooed. I stood up, rolling my eyes just slightly. To be honest, I was a just a little leery about heading towards the voice. I knew where this was going to end up anyways. The same way it has been for the past week. Somehow, I had managed to survive with my sanity intact.

I reluctantly walked towards the voice, which appeared to be coming from the kitchen. The moment I walked in, I immediately wished I hadn’t. My hooves scrabbled desperately against the floor as I almost came face to face with Aphrodite’s rump, which was currently high in the air, that luxuriant tail swishing sensually from side to side. I did a double take before taking a cautionary step backwards.

Aphrodite was glancing under the table. My first guess was that she was looking for something. What else is new? The mare was constantly losing things left and right. At some points, I felt like I was taking care of her rather than rooming with her.

“Uh, what do you need? I was in the middle of my studies...” I sighed, hinting that I really didn’t have the time. She jumped just a little bit, almost hitting her head on the table. She slowly shuffled out from under the table, raising her head at me and frowning playfully.

“Have you seen my...toy?” she asked me nonchalantly. I furrowed my brow at the mare.

“Toy? What do you mean?” Aphrodite batted her eyes playfully as she giggled.

“It’s my special toy. I appear to have...misplaced it.” A part of me was genuinely curious about what she was referring to while another just wanted to leave. I eventually decided, perhaps unwisely, to inquire.

“Well, I can’t help you find it if you don’t describe it. Is there any particular reason it would be in the kitchen?” Aphrodite blushed and looked away just slightly before turning back to me.

“Uhm. No, it’s just that I can’t find it anywhere else,” she told me. I noticed that she didn’t answer my initial question.

“Well? What does it look like?” Aphrodite chuckled just a little bit, her eyes adopting that sensual look she wore so well.

“Well...it’s about...you know what? Never mind. If you happen to see anything...er, odd, just let me know.” Aphrodite nervously shook her head and turned to investigate a few of the cabinets.

“Fine. Whatever,” I huffed, exiting the kitchen and returning to my books. Ahhh, peace at last. There’s nothing in the world like settling down with a good book. Just as I was starting to get comfortable, I got a sudden cramp in my back leg. Stretching it out, I was surprised to come into contact with...something. I spun around, and my eyes grew wide at what I saw.

“APHRODITE!!”

***

Well, to my surprise, things have been going pretty steady between Fluttershy and I. We’ve actually been dating for a week straight! That’s a record! For me, at least. I’ve even managed to lose like five pounds! Sure it isn’t much, but to me it’s still a victory. I’ll show them that I’m in control of my life, not some stupid curse!

Recently, I have been struggling with my inner thoughts. I like my relationship with Fluttershy, for it’s my first, and I hope it lasts for an eternity. But I really want a little more. That may just be ‘crazy, gluttonous, starved Warble’ again, but I’m serious.

I’m not happy that I’m admitting this, but I’ve never kissed a mare before. And I’ve been thinking about it a lot over the last few days. I want her to be my first kiss. My first special somepony.

So, I’ve spent most of my recent free time watching helpful videos to teach myself how to do it when the time comes. I’ve been practicing the only way I know how: with my pillow. Hey, it wasn’t the exact same thing, but surely it’s close enough, right?

Recently, Fluttershy has been keeping me in check when it comes to my eating. She tells me that portions are everything. She’s like my own personal dietician.  She helps me make salads, which even though they taste like dirt, I still eat. For her, of course. It’s the most healthy food I could eat, really. Well, according to her anyways. Still, what I wouldn’t give for a cheese pizza right about now...

Oh yeah, I definitely miss some of my old food. Sometimes, I dream about fields and fields of cake, with a chocolate fudge river that runs for miles. The clouds are made out of cotton candy, and the ground was chocolate-flavored  ice cream...mmm...

My stomach reminds me of my hunger with a slight groan. “Oh, hush you,” I murmur to myself. It’s been difficult to keep my hunger in check recently, but I’ve been getting better at it. I’ve always had an issue, however. I’ve been known to sleep eat. I will wake up at night lying on my kitchen table, surrounded by the remains of some of my most precious snacks  and with a full belly to boot. That was how it was before, and unfortunately it hasn’t quite stopped. Maybe I should go talk to Cashmere...

Despite this...occasional problem, Fluttershy has been kind enough to let me stay in her cottage, which I was more than grateful for. I never really thought about my living arrangements before making the trek over here to Ponyville. For now I have to sleep on the couch, but only until we have enough money to get me an actual bed. I’m just fine with that, though. Anything to be around Fluttershy some more...

As a gesture of kindness and appreciation, I took her out on a date (Hehe! I had a date~) to the concert that was playing in town one night. Some very talented and well-known mare was playing her cello. Unfortunately, I didn’t really catch her name. I had other things on my mind.

We had pretty bad seats, to be blunt. I was a little slow in getting the tickets. Fluttershy didn’t seem to mind though, and I know I shouldn’t either. All we really needed to do was sit back and listen to the music; there wasn’t much to see anyways. Although the mare on stage was kind of pretty. But she was nothing compared to the one sitting next to me.

I put my plan into action. I yawned, putting my hooves into the air as if to stretch, and slowly reaching around before resting my hoof on her opposite shoulder. Fluttershy turned to me and smiled obliviously. While she did, I made my move. My heart was beating a mile a minute, and I honestly felt like fainting.

Unfortunately, this was right as the song ended. Fluttershy quietly cheered and clapped for the mare on stage. I jumped at the sudden noise, sending me face first into the popcorn that was placed on her lap.

I will admit that I did stick a few in my mouth before sitting up, slightly defeated. I childishly crossed my forehooves in front of me and pouted. Little did I realize that there was still a piece of popcorn stuck to the end of my muzzle. Fluttershy giggled cutely and blushed at my antics before reaching up to remove the offending kernel. Well, I guess it wasn’t a total loss.

Yeah, sometimes life is good. But for now, I need to come up with another strategy. I will get that kiss someday. One way or another...

***

Haha! It’s finally done!

It took forever, but my new mansion is finally completed! And it’s bigger and better than ever! Sure it's a bit distant from the town proper, but I can't really complain. The best part is, this time I made sure to include all of the essentials. An indoor swimming pool, a dance floor, and to top it all off, a little something I like to call the ‘sleepover rooms.’ Two massive bedrooms filled with several beds, all the comforts of home, and of course the most luxurious fabrics a pony can buy. This time, my mansion isn’t just for myself. I can have all my new friends over whenever I like.

That’s right: friends. I never thought I’d be able to say the words ‘my’ and ‘friends’ in the same sentence, but right now I can. Initially I didn’t want to go. I just wanted to stay with my things. But in the end...I’m glad I did. That journey changed me for the better. I’m no longer consumed by my greed. And for the first time in my life, I’m truly happy.

Lucky enough for me, I landed a job working at Ponyville’s hospital. It’s much smaller than the one in Canterlot, but it’ll have to do for now. I didn’t have anything to do my first day; not many ponies actually get hurt in this town. But then, something often happens where dozens of ponies get admitted at the exact same time, making the job very stressful. I’m used to more steady entries of patients, but I don’t really have a say, now do I? Crises waits for nopony, that’s what us doctors say.

It’s been a week, and I still can’t stop thinking about her. A picture of her is always somewhere in my subconscious, popping out at random intervals. Her alabaster coat down to her curly royal purple mane...everything about her is to die for! Not to mention her etiquette. For a pony who hails from what I previously considered to be a bit of a ‘hick town,’ she’s so impeccably...refined. And mature as well! Unlike some ponies I may or may not have met recently, but I digress. That’s what I’ve always wanted in a mare. The way her accent just slips off her tongue like melted butter, it’s so charming and alluring that it almost makes me shiver with delight every time I hear her!

Yes, I will just out and say it: I think I’m in love. It’s a strange feeling, one that I’m not at all accustomed to. And one that I’m even less sure how to act on. But recent times have bolstered my confidence. I’m not a monster. Some ponies have been able to see through that, and it genuinely warms my heart. Maybe I should just go and ask her on a date...

Maybe...I should buy a boat...and we could go sailing. Watching the sea reflect off of her majestic and rather slim figure amidst a glorious sunset would be quite the sight to behold.

Oh, look at me. Fantasizing the day away. That’s it, then. No more ‘but’s. Tomorrow, I am going to ask Rarity on a date.

***

Ha. So, I’m back in Ponyville. It took forever to haul this big box of cash down here. I eventually ended up taking the train, which had finally started running again. Dumb changelings.

Well, I did at least manage to buy a decent-sized home. It’s fairly small by most standards but plenty large enough for me to live in quite happily. I still can’t believe that Cashmere gave me all that money. And I even have quite a bit left. He’s still a dumbass though. Like all that money is going to make me suddenly forget what he did to me. Making me live life as if I was a rat. Well, it didn’t work.

...Maybe I could say thanks though. Maybe.

I signed the last of the paperwork and the salespony walked off, wishing me the best of luck with my new home. I mumbled a quiet thanks. With my newly acquired cash, I also bought a quite a bit of furniture such as a pullout couch, some cooking essentials, and a few dressers and shelves. Heaving a sigh, I looked my new house over and slowly stepped up to the door. Time to see what it was like to finally have a home...

To myself, I was ecstatic. Finally, I have a place to live on my own! I can finally have a warm place to sleep, and it’s exhilarating. I pushed the door open and inhaled deeply. It smelled great. Now time to examine what I got for myself.

Two stories. A decent-sized kitchen.  A nice living room. Plenty of empty rooms I have no idea what I’m going to do with yet. Again, it isn’t much, but it’s home. And that’s more than I’ve ever been able to say before. Storing the box of money in one of the empty closets, I headed back downstairs and flopped down on the couch. It’s pretty comfortable, honestly.

...Now what? Why did I come here, again? I could’ve bought a house anywhere with Cashmere’s money. I could be living in Canterlot right now if I wanted. What is it that drew me here? It couldn’t have been those losers, could it?

Could it be that I actually feel some sort of...attachment to them? I...I guess it’s true. It’s strange, really. I’ve never felt attached to anypony before. It’s always been me versus the world. Those other ponies. They could afford things. They looked good. They had traits that everypony loved about them. But me? I never had anything. And I was jealous. Always jealous.

Truth be told, life sucked back then. I don’t know where I would be if I hadn’t run into Rarity and Fluttershy and...yelled at them, but I probably wouldn’t have a house in Ponyville right now. That whole adventure made me realize that being around others isn’t always so bad. Sometimes. Ponies can still really piss me off, though.

Like Warble. Crazy bastard tried to eat me. Who the hell does that? Sin or no, it was pretty creepy.  I mean, he lost his mind back there. He would have easily bit me, or even killed me! His teeth were like a shark’s! Well, whatever. What’s past is past. I’ll just avoid him like the plague.

Maybe I could go talk to Fluttershy. She actually listened to me. As much as I hate to say it, nopony’s ever done that before. And...it would be nice to have somepony to talk to again. As long as they’re not pissing me off.

Yeah. Tomorrow I’ll go pay her a visit.

***

I’m very glad I made this decision. Life has really been taking a turn for the better after moving to Ponyville. For starters, all the hard work I do on the orchard has done wonders for my heart. I almost never have to take my pills anymore! Almost never. There are still those times...particularly when Apple Bloom and her friends get into mischief. Don’t get me wrong, I love the little darling. But sometimes, I just wish those fillies would think with their brains instead of their flanks...

Just yesterday, she and her friends came up to me while I was working the fields.

“Heya Kindlin’!” Apple Bloom called to me, her friends in tow. I think the unicorn’s name is Sweetie Belle, and the pegasus is Scootaloo. I think.

“Uh, hey,” I replied. Apple Bloom still reminded me of my son, and so I was very hesitant every time I spoke with her. “What’s new?”

Before I could say anything, some sort of blur flew through the air, headed straight towards my face. I had just enough time to hit the dirt as it soared right over my head, embedding itself in the apple tree behind me.

“Yeah. Ah was going to tell ya that ya may wanna move.” Apple Bloom blushed as she spoke. My jaw hung limply as I lay rooted to the spot for a few seconds, trying to process what exactly had just happened. After a moment or two, I could feel my anger rising. I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown on the ground. I was almost bucking SHOT!?

“Did I hit the apple!?” a softer voice called from about twenty yards away.

Apple Bloom cupped a hoof around her mouth before she shouted back to her unicorn friend. “No! Try it again!”

“NO!” I shouted, finally bringing myself to my hooves. I noticed that all my apples that I had collected had slipped onto the ground as I fell. Great. “Rrrrr...” I started to growl. I’m sure my face contorted into all manner of terrifying expressions as I audibly ground my teeth together.

“Uh...Kindlin’? Y’all alright?” Apple Bloom asked meekly, taking a nervous step backwards. I hastily grabbed my bottle of pills and downed a couple. A few moments later I felt much better, and I released an exasperated sigh.

“Yes. I’m fine. You and your...friends go and play somewhere else!” I said gruffly, not at all interested in being placed in peril once again. Yes, they were just fillies, but still...I don’t like being reminded of those rough times.

Applejack and I have become great friends, and that’s something that I will forever cherish. She understands me like almost nopony else can. Everypony has had a hero in their lives, and I find Applejack to be mine. It’s heartwarming, really. Sometimes when I get a bit angry, her hoof on my shoulder is enough to calm me down. My reliance on the pills is slowly fading away. With every passing day I feel more and more like a new stallion.

Granny Smith welcomed me with open hooves, and she, along with Big Mac, make the best dinners. One night it’ll be fried veggies, and another night will be mashed potatoes! All of them taste heavenly, if I do say so myself. And of course, there’s always several helpings of delicious apple pie.

I’m truly happy here. For all I care, life can go on like this for the rest of my days, however many more I may have. My only regret is that I may not ever see my son and wife again. Celestia willing, someday I might find the strength to go and search for them. To tell them that I’m sorry. To show them the stallion I’ve become.

Maybe one day. But for now, I’m happy right where I am.

***

I hummed a happy tune as I strolled through the Ponyville markets. Such a beautiful day for such a beautiful mare to enjoy! I mean, um, fairly well-looking mare. I’m still working on that. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my time in Ponyville, it’s that true friends already appreciate your talents. There’s really no need to talk about it yourself. Still, it’s...hard. All my life all I’ve ever had to rely on was myself. My own talents, my own looks...

But no more! I’m a new mare! Who can still look fabulous. At least there are some ponies in this town who can sympathize. Rarity and I have become rather good friends thanks to our mutual interests. She’s even inviting me to join her and Fluttershy on their weekly spa dates! Which, I must say, are absolutely luxurious. I’ve only been to one so far but Aloe and Lotus really know what they’re doing. They also complimented my looks! That was nice. Everypony in this town are really nice like that. I almost don’t have to talk about myself anymore!

I tried to convince Ennui to come with me to the spa, but of course that didn’t work out. I doubt I could get her to come short of dragging her flank there myself. Seriously, that mare is one lazy pony. I don’t understand how she does it. But we’re still very good friends nonetheless. I’m almost glad she and I got kidnapped by the changelings. I doubt we would be such good friends today.

Still, she’s getting better. Rainbow Dash and I managed to convince her to get on a bit of an exercise regime with us, so at least she won’t sit around our flat all day and get fat. I have no idea how she stayed so skinny before us. I don’t even want to try and imagine her at Warble’s size...

She doesn’t want to be lazy all the time anymore. I would know, she’s told me herself several times. There are some nights when neither of us can sleep, too wrapped up in our thoughts. So instead, we just talk. Talk about how our lives used to be. About how we want to change. It’s been really good for the both of us, honestly. It’s nice having a good friend. She’s the first I’ve ever had, and we’ve really bonded. Despite a few...bumps in the road.

My mind flashes back to the other day, when I was taking my daily shower. Naturally, a mare of my composure necessitates a daily cleaning to stay...um, looking nice. Anyways, I was just reaching for the shampoo bottle, enjoying the warm streams of water , when WHAT should suddenly appear in front of my very eyes but a LIZARD! A REAL LIVE LIZARD! ON MY FACE! IN MY MANE!

“AAAAIIIIEEEE!!!” I shrieked in utter horror, shaking myself violently in order to get it off. Unfortunately, I slipped in the shower, causing me to painfully tumble to the floor and hit my head on the rack that we had inside of the shower. Naturally, my shriek of anguish was quickly followed by bouts of maniacal laughter from the other side of the sliding glass door. Ennui. That featherbrained, no-good, half-witted...

“HAHA! Mr. Bumbles scared the crap out of you!” she said, picking up her blood-colored lizard that somehow had gotten out of the tub. I instinctively covered myself before remembering that we’re all naked anyways. But I was still seeing stars. That had hurt!

“Uuunnnhh...” was all I managed to say. Ow, my head...

The laughter slowly died away. “Uh, Vanity? You okay? Vaaanityyyy?”

“Urgh. I’ll be fine...” I finally mumbled, slowly getting to my hooves. I cracked the door open and shot her my best death glare. I was surprised to see a rather apologetic and worried smile on her face.

“Hehe...sorry about that. Didn’t mean to hurt ya.”

My gaze softened. She really was a good friend, and cared about my well being. Still, I wasn’t going to let her off that easily...

“Your stupid lizard came out of the bottle!” I said, my expression hardening into one of playful anger as I forcefully threw the shampoo bottle in her direction. My aim was awful, however, and she didn’t have to move a muscle in order to dodge.

“Hey! He’s not a lizard! He’s a salamander!” she barked defensively back at me, her natural easy-going manner returning. She cupped the salamander in her hoof, whom now refused to stop staring at me evilly.

“Whatever,” I grunted, closing the door and returning to my shower. My hip was killing me, I had hit it harder than I originally thought I did... Still, all the pain cleared up that night and I woke up feeling much refreshed the next morning. Which was quickly replaced by frustration at discovering my favorite hair gel had been replaced by my very own toothpaste. But that’s a different story. Oh well, at least I love showers.

Anyways, although life with Ennui can be a bit...taxing at times, I honestly wouldn’t trade it for anything. In the end, we’ve both been having a great time. The best of our lives. And I am most grateful for that. Trotting up to our shared apartment, I dug my set of keys out of my saddlebags and unlocked the door. “Ennui! I’m back from the market!” I called. I stepped into the kitchen and began to unload my purchases. Suddenly, I became aware of a rather odd noise.

Or rather, the startling lack of noise.

Huh. That’s odd. Ennui is almost ALWAYS playing those video games of hers. Normally I’d be mad at her for sitting around and doing nothing all day but for some reason she actually gets PAID to play them, so I don’t complain. Perhaps she was taking a nap? Completely possible, but she usually sticks to a very strict nap schedule. One that I have memorized quite accurately in an effort to dodge potential pranks. And right now, it was definitely not nap time.

“Ennui! Are you here? I bought your favorite, hay chips and fresh guacamole! Come and get it!” I waited for a moment or two. Still nothing. That was odd. Normally she’d come running at her favorite food. Seriously, I don’t think I’ve ever seen something make that mare move so fast. I started to get a little nervous. I set my bags down on the counter, making sure that they wouldn’t accidently tip over before leaving them and stepping out of the kitchen.

“Ennui?” I called as I walked into the living room. The place was a mess, of course. Controllers, wires, and food remnants were scattered all over the place. I tried not to mind. I let her have her domain. But it was still eerily silent. I walked up behind the couch, hoping to catch her napping or just blatantly ignoring me. No such luck. I couldn’t find that sandy-colored mare anywhere!

“Ennui! Come on out, this isn’t funny!” Maybe this was just another one of her pranks? I really hoped so, I was starting to worry. This was most unlike her. And I hate being scared. Frightened I can deal with. Startled I can laugh off. But this wasn’t either of those things. This was downright nerve-wracking.

I trotted down the hallway, a little more slowly than usual. I made sure to carefully look around each corner. Maybe she was going to jump me? I really didn’t want that at the moment, I don’t think my rapidly beating heart could take it.

I could smell Ennui’s room even before I had actually entered it. It reeked of...everything, really. Stale food, sweaty socks, body odor...everything. Of course it made me sick to my stomach, but she couldn’t stop me from spraying the hallways with air freshener. Let bygones be bygones. It’s worth putting up with for her friendship.

I peeked inside of the bedroom door before calling out to her softly. “E-Ennui?” I suddenly gasped as I realized what exactly I was looking at. The room was...clean. What in Equestria...?

The bed was made. The carpet was picked up. There were no stains or discarded articles of clothing as far as I could see. The room still reeked unfortunately, but still... Okay, now I was officially freaked out. Ennui? Cleaning? That made no sense whatsoever. I sent up a silent prayer to Celestia, hoping that this was all just a clever joke. Even I would admit at this point that it would be pretty funny if she suddenly jumped out of the closet and yelled “surprise!”

But she didn’t. Ten seconds...thirty seconds...one minute...nothing. I made up my mind to investigate. I slowly creeped into the room, stepping carefully towards the closet. I’ve only ever entered Ennui’s room once before, and I had nightmares about the crackling sounds for days afterwards. But now? Nothing.

Closer...closer...I moved slowly, my heart beating a mile a minute. I just knew she was going to come leaping out of that closet any second now. Bracing myself and squeezing one eye shut, I raised a hoof and threw open the closet door.

I screamed. Loudly. Everything was...folded. And hanging neatly on hangars! And...and...organized by color!! It was too much. I believe I fainted on the spot.

***

It was quite some time later that I awoke. Crinkling my nose, I immediately knew where I was: Ennui’s room. How the hay did I fall asleep in here? Was I trying to kill myself? Suddenly, the events of a few hours past came flooding back to me. Ennui! Where the hay was she? I bet this was all just a prank. I’m going to walk into the living room and there she’ll be...just lounging on the couch eating her hay chips and guacamole. I bet it will all be gone, too. Lazy sloth obviously didn’t want to share.

Yeah, that’s it. It’s all just a prank, all just a prank... Shakily, I get to my hooves and exit the foul-smelling room. I was most thankful for the fresh air. Trotting out into the living room, I once again called out. “Ennui?”

Still nothing. Okay, I was officially freaked out by now. Looking out the window, I could see that it was now dark. Ennui wasn’t home by dark? That NEVER happened. NEVER EVER EVER. Resisting the urge to scream, I attempting to analyze the situation. What could possibly be going on? I had no idea. Maybe she slept over at somepony else’s place and forgot to tell me? I wouldn’t put it past her. Alright, fine. I’ll go to sleep. But if she doesn’t show up tomorrow, I’m going straight to Twilight.

“Ennui...where are you?”