Once upon a midnight dreary...
Ian stared at his computer for a good five minutes trying to decide what to do with the rest of his evening.
It was one in the morning and he was tired.
He had been talking to strangers for a good three hours and, quite frankly, he was getting bored of the same. Damn. Thing. Over and over again.
Connect.
You: Hey
Stranger: Hey lookin for hot horny girl
Disconnect.
Really?
You have disconnected.
Connect.
You: Hey
Stranger: Hey lookin for hot horny girl
Disconnect.
Really?
You have disconnected.
He rubbed his temples, "Why are all of these people here? Shouldn't they be on some porn site or something?"
With a sigh of defeat, he retreated to Fimfiction. Surely some European brony author decided to upload a story in the early morning for all of his American fans to wake up to, right?
Wrong.
He facepalmed, wondering if he should just lay his late-night Omegling to rest.
Biting his upper lip, he let out another sigh, "...Ian, we both know there's no way you're going back to sleep"
After a long pause, he hesitantly leapt back into the world of ~~perverts and future criminals~~ Omegle, but THIS TIME! This time it would be different! He was going to use video chat so that they could tell that he wasn't a "hot horny girl" and, therefore, wouldn't waste his time.
Unfortunately, he failed to realize that people on Omegle preferred to use webcam to show off their genitals as opposed to actually FINDING any hot, horny girls.
After wasting yet another hour of his new day, he threw his headset aside in frustration.
Had humanity's intelligence stooped to this level? To the point where they would mindlessly bang on a keyboard for literal hours of their day to gain some sense of pleasure and self-worth? And even if they did find a girl, would she be interested in a fat, lazy internet dweller like them? Probably not.
Ian looked at his computer screen and expected a legitimate answer, but...none came.
He rubbed the back of his head and clicked 'connect' for the last time tonight. After this one, he was definitely going to bed. No more doubt. No more suffering. No more random guys stroking their reproductive organs. Just sleep. Glorious, glorious sleep.
At first the camera to the other person was extremely blurry and pixelated. He was accustomed to this, as it happened with every Omegle call. When the wonky pixels subsided, however, he couldn't believe what he saw.
Staring at him, lying on a pink bed in a dark room, was Pinkie Pie.
She smiled, "Hi there! My name's Pinkie Pie! What's yours?"
He smiled, admiring the brony humor, "Where'd you get an artist to do an animation that well? That looks professional"
Pinkie Pie giggled a little, "Animation? Silly brony, I'm real!"
Well, that was a well-placed guess on their part. There was no way they would guess what he was about to say, however.
"Hey, Pinkie Pie! Do you like...cupcakes?" he added with a bit of horrific emphasis on the end word.
She smile brightly, "Of COURSE I like cupcakes! Who doesn't like cupcakes!?"
"Well," he thought aloud for a moment, "Derpy likes muffins, but I don't know about her opinions on- Wait, how did you-"
Pinkie gasped dramatically, "Omigosh I forgot about Derpy! I'll go ask her! Don't go anywhere!"
He blinked, "Wh-what? But-"
"PINKIE PROMISE ME I KNOW YOU KNOW HOW TO DO IT" she screamed.
Ian grimaced in pain at the loud noise, "Aaagh, alright, fine, fine. Cross my heart and hope to fly stick a cupcake in my- AGH MY EYE!"
She smiled, "That's good enough okay gotta go be right back CUPCAKE EMERGENCY!"
Without another word she scampered off at impossible cartoony speeds.
Ian rubbed his eye, "...seriously, who are you? Are you using some sort of speech software to answer me or something?"
He sighed at the lack of an answer. To be polite, he waited for a few minutes...after all, whoever made this must have put a lot of effort into it.
Time ticked away, however, and he slowly started to move his mouse toward the "Disconnect" button.
It was a shame, really...for a minute there, he actually thought that-
"GAH!" he jumped in surprise, knocking the computer off of his lap and onto the ground with a loud thud.
He quickly checked for signs of life from his electronic friend and was relieved to find that it was undamaged.
"Are you crazy!?"-he readjusted his headset-"You almost gave me a heart attack!"
"You were about to disconnect though!" Pinkie whined, unleashing all of her cuteness on the poor boy.
He sighed, "Alright, alright, I'm sorry...wait, why am I sorry? How are you talking to me? HOW ARE YOU TALKING TO ME!?"
Realization started to hit him like a train. There aren't any programs like that online. Even if there were, they would be billions of dollars worth of money, and NOBODY with that kind of money would use that sort of thing on Omegle.
"You're...real" he whispered as his eyes widened with excitement.
Pinkie rolled her eyes, "Well DUH!"
"But how can you be real?" he reasoned, "Your existence is physically impossible"
She went uncharacteristically silently for a moment, then spoke again, "Have you seen the episode about my pinkie sense?"
"Uh...yeah" he responded awkwardly.
"And what did Twilight learn in the end about it?" she asked, almost challenging him as she quirked an eyebrow.
He thought for a moment, then responded, "...that some things just can't be explained, but..."
She smiled, "That doesn't make them any less true!"
After another long moment of thought he started to smile. Then he started to laugh. Then he facepalmed.
He was asleep, wasn't he?
"Nope! 100% awake!" she answered enthusiastically.
Blinking, he wondered aloud, "Can Pinkie Pie read minds?"
He pulled up Google.
"No, but I like to read fanfiction!" she answered without skipping a beat.
Ian scratched his head, "What does that have to do with-"
"So!"-Pinkie adjusted her position to a more comfortable one-"What brings you to Omegle this late at night?"
"Oh you know, boredom, frustration, social stuff...you?" he answered as casual as one could be talking to an adorable fictional character.
She sighed, "I guess a bit of the same...Mr. and Mrs. Cake are sick right now, so I can't really have anypony over and I have to manage all their cooking too because they can't serve the customers when they're sick and the babies are a handful all on their own and my friends keep asking me to do stuff with them and..."
"Is somepony a little stressed out today?" he smiled.
She frowned, "Yeah, just a little...I just thought it would be fun to talk to somepony for fun now that I've got their orders done, but everypony's asleep, so..."
"So you have nobody to talk to..." he spoke softly, "understandable, but why would you wanna talk to humans?"
With that comment, she seemed slightly taken aback, "Why WOULDN'T I wanna talk to humans!? Ponies can be kind of boring sometimes, and it just gets frustrating being around them all the time. No sense of humor, YEESH!"
He gave her a funny look, "You know, most bronies would KILL to talk to a REAL Equestrian pony...you should consider yourself lucky. You ponies are pretty special, after all. What other anim- Er, what other kind of creature has mastered civilization like you guys? Humans haven't! We still fight and maim die over trivial little things! Ponies are not only resourceful and intelligent, but peaceful as well, and that's what makes the difference in the end, isn't it?"
She sat and smiled for a few moments, "You know, for a human, you're pretty nice"
He laughed, "I thought you liked humans"
"I do, but they can be a liiittle mean sometimes" she admitted, "But I still love them! They're so interesting!"
Ian rolled his eyes, "I wish I could say the same"
Pinkie raised an eyebrow, "You don't like your kind?"
He rubbed his temples, "Well, what's to like? We're ugly, selfish, mean, uncaring, unintelligent animals, and the worst part is that I know that I have no right to complain because I know that genetically, I'm just the same as everyone else. The only difference is that I realize and understand that we're all doomed"
She smiled good-naturedly, "It doesn't matter how bad of a pony you are if you choose to do the right thing"
To that, he had no response.
"There are a lot of really bad humans on your planet, but why focus on them? What about the people that not only ignore their bad genetics and WEREN'T mean, but the charitable people who give their money, time, or even their LIVES to help others? A thousand years ago you were oppressing women and killing even MORE people, but look what you've done with yourselves! You've turned yourselves into a high-class society that can buy and sell and trade globally! That sure is a great achievement for 'ugly, selfish, mean, uncaring, unintelligent animals'!" she finished.
As much as he hated to admit it...he knew she was right.
He sat and smiled for a few moments, "...thanks, Pinkie Pie"
She let out a large yawn, "Oh boy, I'm tired...I think it's time for me to go to bed"
Ian looked at the clock...four in the morning. Maybe it was time for him to hit the hay as well. Er, no pun intended.
"Well," he sighed, "though I know I'm gonna regret this in the future, I should probably go to bed too"
"I liked our conversation a lot! What was your name again?" she inquired with a heart-wrenchingly adorable smile.
He stretched and yawned loudly, "Ian! Ian Foster! And you're Pinkamena Diane Pie"
She giggled, "Maybe I'll mention you in the next episode"
As much as he would have liked that, he knew he had to decline, "No, that wouldn't really be fair to all the other bronies, Pinkie"
She rolled her eyes and, with nothing but a smile and a wave of her hoof, slowly started to move her mouse to the disconnect button. Within an instant, her new human friend was gone forever.
Even though he was gone, he had left something inside of her...what was it? Was it a feeling of hope or pride or-
BUUUUUUU-UUUUUURP!
Coughing was heard from the Cake's room on one side of the second floor, whereas foals crying could be heard on the other.
Pinkie blushed, "Whoops...must've been those cupcakes I had earlier..."
With a giggle at her own inside joke, she trotted off to help her family get back to sleep.
Back on Earth, Ian slumped on his couch.
He didn't really know what to make of the situation but...he was glad it happened to him.
With a sigh, he closed his laptop and headed upstairs...if only there was some way for him to remember this, and remember what she taught him.
Mid-way up the stairs...he had an idea.
He jumped down the stairs and went to Fimfiction.net which, for once, he wasn't going to out of boredom.
Wariyoshi V
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New story.
He cracked his fingers and was about to begin working when...he saw the clock.
4:15am
With a sigh, he almost closed his laptop and walked away again, but...
Title: One late night on Omegle...
New chapter.
Title: Once upon a midnight dreary...
