Pinkie Robs A Bank

by Erebos

Rating: mature
Tags: Human, Dark, Comedy, Random
Length: 1878

Pinkie tries to rob a bank

Pinkie has got one thing on her mind money so what does she do? She decides to rob a bank.

Soul successor to the story of angel not required reading

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-26 17:50:02 UTC

The one where Pinkie robs the bank

                                                                           Pinkie Robs a Bank

Our preppy pink friend walked out of sugar cube corner where she was had just finished traumatizing two very small children with an extremely inappropriate story. But now she was bored but as luck would have and idea entered her head.

I should rob a bank she thought.

But in order to rob a bank you need a team and so pinkie went to assemble them. Her first stop was Fluttershy’s cottage after knocking on the door using her head (Because Pinkie does whatever the fuck she wants.)

“Oh hello.” Fluttershy said.

However pinkie just blew her off and walked up to angel who was resting on his favorite couch. When Pinkie picked him up and violently shook him.

After he recovered from the violent shaking Pinkie looked at him and said.” I am robbing a bank and you are gonna help.” Angel being the violent little asshole that he was and knowing that this would get ugly quick would be a perfect attempt for him to end some lives and reveal in bloodshed.

So he went to the fridge and pulled out a giant box that had a shit load of weapons in it threw the box on pinkies back as they went of to get there next team member.

Now they were in  the bad part of Ponyville and walked up to this abandoned shack after knocking down the door pinkie screamed.” Stoney there you are come help us rob a bank.”

And yes Stoney is Stone Cold motherfucking Steve Austin

Now I know what you are asking. What the fuck is Stone Cold Doing in Ponyville?

Well Stone Cold got tired of teaching people about Austin 3:16 and opening up cans of whoop ass, on humans. So he decided to head to Equestria where he does all that on Technicolor ponies.

“Pinkie, you know what you got to give me if I’m gonna help you rob this bank.” Stone Cold replied coolly.

“Yuppers.” Pinkie said and pulled out a 12 pack of the coldest beers you could ever find. Austin’s pupils turned into bear cans he began drooling and was panting like a dog.

“Well shit Pinkie, I am in, you and this faggot ass rabbit should hop in my truck.” After getting seated in the truck pinkie started the engines and said

“Through the 4th wall tallyho.”

****Meanwhile in Erebos' living room

Erebos was sitting in his room watching Big Breasted Beauties 25. Even though he hadn’t seen the first 24 he felt he was following along pretty well.

He then got depressed when he realized that joke had probably been made a dozen times before and wasn’t funny anymore.

He got even more depressed when he realized that he had nothing better to do than to make jokes about porn titles.

He was then on a verge of tears when he realized his only friends were across the 4th wall.

But then a truck crashed through his room totally destroying the TV it came out of as well as his room.

“Pinkie, how many times have I told you don’t come through this TV use the downstairs one.” Erebos said.

“Sorry.” Replied Pinkie.” But we are going to rob a bank do you want to help?”

Normally Erebos would have said no but he didn’t fell like getting left out. “ Fuck to the yes.” He said, and they drove off to get the final member of there squad.

While they were driving Pinkie handed them these pills that she called awesome makers but in reality was just lsd.

When they arrived at their destination everyone was surprised because they were at a movie studio. After sneaking past the guards they got a trailer and a voice that was so perfect if it told you to fuck a llama, you would fuck the hell out of that llama.

It was Nick Cage.

“ So Pinks you’re robbing a bank I hear.”  The other three members of the party were to awestruck and impressed to reply, thankfully pinkie could speak.” Yep, you want to help.” Nick simply nodded his head yes and they were off .

So after some driving they pulled up to this bank and Stone Cold walked into the HUGE bank and said.” Alright bitches we are gonna get all the money in hear and that’s the bottom line cause Stone Cold said so.” He then kicked aman through the wall. And the group rushed in.

Pinkie was first throwing Erebos saying, “ You are made of grenades.” It turned out that Erebos was actually made of plastic cups. But was able to get to the safe to begin cracking it.

Angel being the biggest dick you know was just dropping motherfuckers left and right with his Ak-47. After running out of ammo he pulled out two 9mms and ran along the bar where the tellers talk to you shooting randomly killing everything in his path and laughing as the blood turned his white coat red.

Nick cage was just looking at people there bodies either couldn’t handle the Nick Cage experience and those who could were killing each other, Pinkie was also there but she was just kind of forcing people to look at Nick.

Austin was happy. As many times as he had opened a can of whoop ass on some poor pony it never compared to doing it to a human, then he went into stunnering mode after about the 5th one Oprah who happened to be at the bank(Celebrities need to deposit money too.) jumped out and said while pointing at a guard.

“You get a stunner.”  The guard she was pointing at was stunnered and his head exploded.

Like just blew the fuck up

Oprah then pointed at another guard as she said.” You get a stunner.”

The guard in question was stunnered causing his whole body to explode.

She then turned to the door and shouted.” Everybody is getting a stunner!” after she said that Austin grabbed her by the shoulder turned her around flipped the bird in her face causing her eyes to bleed he hit a stunner so hard that 3 out 5 women who watch Oprah became infertile.

Also Oprah died but no gives a shit.

Meanwhile a guard cowering like a little bitch reached for a phone and dialed a phone number.

****Meanwhile at the Illuminate HQ

Mark Fuckarburg the CEO of Facebook and now the leader of the Illuminate was currently making the director of  The Social Network fight to the death against Tom from MySpace While smoking a cigar made completely out of  hundred dollar bills he was enjoying himself when suddenly the phone rang. He picked up but all he could hear was.

“248 we have a code 248 I repeat no please spare me no I have a family ahhhhhhhh help.” after the line went silent Fuckarburg hit the button for his intercom.

” Yes Mr. Fuckarburg.” A female voice said.

“Shelia could you send a 248 vehicle to the giant bank that holds all our personal info.” Fuckarburg said.

“ It has been done sir anything else.”

“No, actually on second thought send up the creators of Zyanga I wish to see them have sex with each other.

“ Alright Mr. Fuckarburg.”

****Back at the bank

The guards were doing great there strategy to just flood the mischief makers with guards to be killed was genius then a car pulled up with 248 etched in the side out walked a hipster.

The hipteriest of hipsters, He then took out his laptop and began working on something. After about an hour he had somehow hooked his weird poetry readings to the real world and typed this haiku.

Refrigerator

Will fall on to a white bunny

Refrigerator

And a one fell on Angel. As the hipster was leaving a man shouted phase two and the car opened again a man looked at the hipster and said.

“Why are you wearing those fake herd glasses.”

The hipster started to say but the man interrupted him.

“IT DOSENT MATTER WHY YOU WEAR THEM!!!”

He then DDTed his head on the concrete and walked into the bank and there he was staring at Stone Cold who had stopped what he was doing  to met the man. When he saw him he knew it was.

The jabroni beating

Pie eating

Crystal clear

Have no fear

Such a B.A.M.F he broke a tank

Always willing to prevent Stone Cold form robbing a bank

The peoples champ, the Brahma bull, the star of many movies, the great one.

The Rock

“Stone Cold.” The rock said

“Rock” replied Stone Cold

they ran at each other and began exchanging punches and slaps.

A punch by Austin,

A slap by the Rock,

A punch by Austin,

A slap by the Rock,

A punch by Austin,

A slap by the Rock,

A punch by Austin,

A slap by the Rock,

A punch by Austin,

A slap by the Rock,

A punch by Austin,

A slap by the Rock,

With that final slap Austin flew back a couple of feet and landed on a Smartphone. He then said. “Inglip please give me strength.” The Smartphone replied.” Fine  but should you fail your soul is mine.”

As Austin got up with new power something happened he didn’t expect.

He got rock bottomed.

“By god the rock bottom he did it.”  Said a man with a southern drawl. The rock then set up for the most electrifying move in sports and entertainment The people's elbow. Rock then hit the peoples elbow on Austin and a teller who was cowering like pussy jumped out ripped his shirt off to reveal a referee shirt he got on the ground and counted.

1....

2....

3.....

Ding Dinga bell sounded as the rock got up and pranced around a giant hand reached up out from the ground and pulled Austin to hell.

Then the rock went his next target however Nick Cage saw this coming and was ready,

The rock raised the people’s eyebrow

Nick opened those jewels known as eyes

Beams shot out from there eyes and were in a constant struggle with the advantage going back and forth,

Back and forth, this went on for minutes before Nick began to gain an advantage

By now though the rock had begun to fade, and right as he was about to fall to Nick Cage a man shouted Phase tree the door opened

And Nick just looked in horror at what was in the bank

Bees

And the circled him as he began to scream.” NOT THE BEES AHHA NOT THE BEES!”

They stung him left and right,

They stung him up and down,

Eventually Nick succumbed to the stings and fell Pinkie decided she had enough and hit her Deus ex Machina button teleporting her and Angel out of that world.

“Hey guys I got the money.” Erebos said with a smile on his face that soon changed when he realized that everyone bailed on him.

He was arrested for causing mass graves and became cellmates with large black man. Who looked at him while talking of his clothes and said. "So I hear you like ponies."

                                                                                            The end