The night was cold, Spitfire though was warm snuggled next to her lover.
*sound of a tape coming to an end*
*voice of Twilight* You can’t just start a story like that...
Of course I can Twi, I’m the author aren’t I?
“But you have to follow literary RULES!”
Says who?
*is hit in the end with a frying pan*
“Well that’s enough from him, let’s get this show started shall we?”
The evening air permeated the little cottage through its open windows. A chilling breeze seemed to swirl in the center, though the fireplace burned brightly in its hearth.
Angel Bunny could be seen curled up with Jay the Bear by said fire, and all was well in the little hut.
Until a certain yellow pegasus decided to panic over Jay’s proximity to the flames...
“Oh dear, do move away from the fire!” she exclaimed softly, “I’d hate to have to clean up any burned fur.”
Jay huffed and rolled over, completely ignoring her.
“Now now Jay, I need you to listen to Mama Flutters...”
The bear lifted his middle claw at her and grinned, flopping down right on the center of the fire and extinguishing it completely. (or so he thought)
Fluttershy gasped in horror as Jay was burned alive in the most comical manner possible. Angel threw up from laughing so hard.
Pinkie appeared in the doorway with a sleeping Twilight tied to her back with rope, throwing her on the floor and waking her up with Pinkie now tied to HER back.
“What the hay is going on here!?” a groggy Twilight shouted over the rapidly spreading flames.
Fluttershy and Pinkie both screamed in unison “PUT OUT THE FIRE!” though Pinkie screamed it upside down.
Fluttershy stared weirdly at Pinkie. “How did you know to bring Twilight for a fire that hadn’t even started yet?”
Pinkie Pie shrugged. “Pinkie sense,” she said in the manner of those who know far more than they should and are eldritch abominations. But that is a tale for another day.
“That’s such bullshit,” Fluttershy deadpanned.
“Okay, truth be told, I’m secretly an Alicorn and I honestly don’t have to justify my powers.”
“Oh, shit, son!” Angel said, but it was in Bunny and no one understood it.
“While we bicker, my cottage is burning down...” Fluttershy sighed.
Pinkie sighed and wrinkled her nose, instantly transporting the three to a new, much better cottage that didn’t smell like burning bear.
Flutters looked around for a moment. “That... settles... that? Wait... where is Angel?”
As if on cue, the snow-white bunny rabbit appeared with an assassin costume from the rafters, landing on Flutters’ back and smacking her with a plastic sword. “For the glory of lapine kind!” he screamed, but it was still in Bunny, and he was still ignored.
Twilight idly kicked Angel in the face, and he went flying out the window. “Um, okay, but why am I here now? Nothing is on fire,” she said.
“Plot point,Twilight. You’ll get it later.” Pinkie skipped in happy circles on the new carpet (which looked eerily like Fluttershy’s previous rug, minus the burnt bear stains).
Twilight looked very, very confused. “Plot points?” she asked, turning around to try to look at her own butt in the manner of those who don’t understand basic literature terminology (cause that’s IRONIC get it? Like seriously. It’s actual irony. Situational.).
Pinkie fell over the coffee table laughing. Fluttershy nudged Twilight, “I think she means like in books or stories,” she explained.
“How the hoof can you tell that?” Twilight asked, growing frustrated.
“Well, we’re all clearly being written very OOC. I mean, look at me. My friend the bear burned to death in my other house and I’m not crying,” she said with a shrug.
Pinkie’s head popped back up from the other side of the table with mini sombrero’s on her eyelashes. “Silly FlutterTwi! Kiss already.”
*in unison* “WAIT WHAT!?”
Pinkie pointed vaguely in a direction that was sort of up, but more like not-in-this-world-up and said, “Silly ponies, can’t you read the story tags? Filthy humans expect you to do horribly sordid things to each other right now!” (Besides this, there was also the humor in the name “Twishy” and how when not capitalized it becomes a rather amusing onomatopoeia. Twish Twish. God that’s beautiful. Oh, sorry. Crap where was I?)(back in Flutter’s new cottage which totally isn’t above Cadance’s sex dungeon) [It’s hard being a Goddess of love. It’s hard, and no one understands.]
“Errr... tell me I’m not the only one that hears moaning from the basement...” Twilight’s ears twitched downwards and passed completely through her head due to an animation error and she cocked her head sideways.
Pinkie disappeared into a potted plant and came back a moment later with a whip and a bound Cadance.
“I CAN EXPLAIN! … Actually, no I can’t this is exactly what it looks like.” The pink Alicorn goddess of love grinned unabashedly. The best part of being immortal and in charge of everything naughty, fun, and fertile was that you honestly stopped caring after awhile. It’s nice. Great dental benefits too. These things are only mildly unrelated. (BOW CHICKA BOW WOW) [Tucker get out of here, this is the wrong story... again.]{You can’t make me what to do! You aren’t my real mom!}
All of a sudden, a British Army man walked in. “Stop it, stop it, this has all gotten quite silly,” he said. “We had a nice story going on about young ponies doing sexy things, but this is all gone rather wrong. Now then, let’s get back to our story. Ten nine eight and all that, wot!”
… right
After the silly events of the previous day, Pinkie was exhausted for once and Twilight was in an insanity induced coma. Fluttershy was in last week for reasons which have yet to be explored because Twilight isn’t allowed near anything nearly as sharp as a pencil right now.
Your regularly scheduled program has a new host!
Please welcome Mistress Luna! *whack* Err! Princess Luna! *whack* Err, Princess Mistress! (APPRECIATE MY RHYMING.)
Ahem! “What are you all doing in my bedroom?”
One-week-too-old Fluttershy meeped. “Oh, I’m sorry, were we not supposed to be? I thought we were, since the writers all seem to be drunk.”{Excuse you, I am not. Well. Last time I checked, oh god no I’m sorry don’t hurt me please}
Luna hummed to herself. “Well, since that’s the case, I think I can get away with something interesting for once. My sister won’t be around to stop me this time!” she giggled and jumped up from her bed.
Random Guard was bored as hell, and probably would have been for the rest of his shift, too, had Princess Luna not just ridden by on a yellow pegasus, adorned with saddle, bit, and halter.
He blinked, stared at his water canteen, dropped his spear and walked home, never to speak of what he used to do for a living ever again.
THE END *WHAM* (NO IT ISN’t) “FINE!”
Okay not the end. {*Monty Python GET ON WITH IT montage*}
The panicked and exhausted pegasus collapsed in front of Luna’s door, having run an entire lap of the castle with the Princess on her back.
“I... I can’t... anymore... never... again...” Flutters gasped, feeling several of her feathers fall out.
Luna pouted in her most princessly fashion. Which isn’t a thing, really, so she just normal pouted. It was rather boring, honestly, if by boring you mean Moe as HELL. Much -chan-ing occurred it was anime as all get out.“Well, it was either this or the cloppy stuff,” she said, her pout off the pout-scale. That’s a thing now, by the way, it goes up in magnitudes of ten. Serious scientific Pretty Pony Princess stuff here. You can ask Twilight when she gets out of the crazy bin.
Pinkie burst out of the door’s keyhole and pointed randomly off into the sky again. “And you can’t do that on screen, because this is only Teen rated!” she said in the manner of those who have an unfortunate habit of breaking the laws of causality.
Fluttershy jerked awake, gasping loudly and staring at the bottle in front of her.
“Oh, Celestia,” she moaned. “I’m never drinking Neighring’s Reserve again...”
*click*
Ugh... you hit me with a frying pan...
Yep... and your friends did ^ that to us anyway.
Author's Note
Well guys... This.
That is all.
