Bad Company

by Symphony

Rating: teen
Tags: Violence, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Spike, Comedy
Length: 84168

After a wild night out on the town, Jay decides to go back to Pony-land for a quick visit. Things don't go quite as planned though as he finds himself trapped in a dimension full of colorful ponies and friendship.

After a wild night out on the town, Jay decides to go back to Pony-land for a quick visit. Things don't go quite as planned though as he finds himself trapped in a dimension full of colorful ponies and friendship.

He's not very happy about it.

Reading the prequel is not required as this story is loosely related to it. To avoid confusion, this is not a Battlefield crossover. Cover art commissioned from Mix-up! Check him out if you're in need of a cover art!

Published 2013-01-25 17:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-09-17 20:48:45 UTC

Ch. 21 - Shatter

Waking up in the morning the last few weeks had been hard, I gotta admit. Like, I'd open my eyes and get a constant reminder that this is not my world. That it's not my real home.

It was much easier this morning. I got dressed in a black tank top and the same beat up jeans I arrived in. After getting cleaned up and dressed, I skipped downstairs and into the kitchen and opened the fridge, staring at what I had.

Considering my options, I decided to make pancakes. I hummed while making the batter and turned on the stove. Once finished making a fat stack, I got a plate out of a cupboard and walked over to the table.

I drenched them in syrup before I dug in. Hey, I might be a pretty shitty chef but failing with pancakes is pretty hard. A couple of minutes later I had finished and when I turned to clean up, I heard a warning from the security system.

With the normal routine of slapping it until it works, I saw both Strawberry and Twilight standing there and talking to each other. Raising an eyebrow, I pushed the button to let them in and unlocked the door, then walked back to the kitchen. The door clicked open and I heard two ponies walk inside.

“Jay?” Twilight called out.

“I'm in the kitchen!” I called back and heard them walking closer. I turned around and smiled at Strawberry. My eyebrows furrowed as I saw the look on Twilight's face. She looked stressed out, like she wanted to scream.

Strawberry walked over to me and rubbed her side to me. I scratched her head.

“What's wrong, Twilight?” I eventually asked her. Her eyes snapped to me.

“What? Oh! Oh, nothings wrong! It's just that princess Celestia has decided to drop by for a visit later today! Without warning!” A nearly psychopathic giggle came from her. “We don't have any time to prepare for her visit!” She let out an extremely forced laugh. “Everything's just. Peachy!” She grinned wide.

I felt Strawberry push herself to me, as if hiding from the deranged little horse on the other side of the room.

“So... Why are you here then instead of getting ready?” I took a small step back.

“Because the princesses are coming here to see you!”

My face fell.

“The... both of them?” I asked. Twilight nodded. “Celestia... And Luna?” She nodded again.

Hoo boy...

“Why are they coming to see me?” I think I knew the answer but it didn't hurt to ask.

“Apparently, princess Celestia wanted to visit to see how you're holding up and princess Luna insisted to come along.” Twilight had calmed down slightly. Honestly, that can't be the only reason they're coming to visit...

I nodded slowly. “When are they coming over to visit? Did they give you a time?”

“Yeah, they'll be here in a couple of hours... I told them to come over to your house when they got here.” She looked around. “That means we have a couple of hours to clean up in here...”

I frowned “Twilight, I had it cleaned up just yesterday. I hired a company to do it thoroughly.”

Both of them stared up at me. “What?” I asked, crossing my arms.

“You don't clean your own house?” Strawberry asked me, raising an eyebrow.

“Fuck no, look at the size of this place!” I gestured with an arm. “It'd take like over a day for me to do it alone.”

The ponies shared a glance. “Stallions...” I heard Strawberry mutter with a shake of her head. I decided to not make a scene of it and finished doing the dishes. I wiped off my hands and walked over to the living room, slumping down in a couch and Strawberry joined me on the same couch. Twilight sat down opposite from me, still looking stressed out.

I sighed and leaned forward. “Alright, here's the plan then so you get something to do until they get here, Twilight...” I ran a hand through my hair. “You can go and gather your friends if they want to be here and meet the princesses. Also get Spike here, haven't seen him for a few days...” She nodded.

“And while you're out, get some pastries or some shit from Sugarcube Corner. I'm guessing princess lardass is gonna want something once they get here. Tell them to bill me and I'll get it sorted out.”

Twilight nodded again but frowned. “Hey, don't call princess Celestia that!” I smirked.

“I never said which princess I referred to, Twilight.” I giggled. “Can't wait to tell Celly that!”

“No! Don't! Please, I beg you...” She looked like she was about to break down again. I bit my tongue to hold my laugh back.

“Sure, Twilight. I promise...” I gave her an almost evil grin. I thumbed toward the grandfather clock. “You better get going, Twilight. You don't want to be late, right?”

She looked up at the clock and her eyes widened. She hopped up from her seat and squeaked, then teleported away. All in the span of about three seconds.

I turned to Strawberry. “Don't you have any work to do today?” She shook her head.

“No, I got today off because it's a slow season right now for town hall.” She laid down in the couch, staring up at me. I swung up my legs on the far end of the couch and laid down, using her as a pillow. Her face reddened instantly. “Wha- Hey!”

“You're soft, smell nice and I'm still tired.” I looked up at her. “I got Twilight to do all that bullshit because knowing her, she would have made me do something when she's riled up like that...” I glanced up at the clock. “And since she can teleport, I'm guessing we have about two hours or so until she has everything ready.”

The blush on her face disappeared slowly. She sighed and leaned forward slightly, nuzzling my forehead. “So... The princesses are coming to see you?” Her ears lowered a little. “Does that mean they'll tell you if you can go home or not?” She rested her head next to mine, I tilted my head a little to her.

“Hell if I know...” I sighed. “They might just be here to visit like Twilight said, after all. I don't want to think about it too much.”

She rubbed her head to mine again. “Well, whatever happens I'm right here if something happens...”

I smiled.

-Third person switch-
--Two hours later--

“You fucking cheated!” Jay yelled at Rainbow Dash who was sitting on the other side of the table, leaning forward in his seat.

“I did not!” Rainbow mimicked his movement and also leaned forward.

“I fuckin' saw you cheat! It was obvious!” He planted his hands on the table and stood up swiftly, his chair rattling to the side and leaned across the table.

“I didn't cheat!” Rainbow flew up from her seat and planted her forehooves at the table.

“Did too!”

“Did not!”

“Did too!”

Their foreheads collided, both of them glaring death at eachother.

“Did. Too.” Jay grunted out through gritted teeth.

“Did. Not.”

Meanwhile, Rarity and Strawberry sat at the end of the table and their eyes switched from the human to the pony as they threw insults back and forth. Rarity took a sip from her tea and rolled her eyes.

“Are they always like this?” Strawberry asked, flinching as Jay swiped the playing cards off the table and pointed at the rainbow pony, a vein visible on his forehead.

“Alright, listen here you skittle headed son of a bitch...”

Not bothering to listen to the rest of the rant, Rarity turned to Strawberry with an apologetic smile.

“Sorry dear but this is awfully calm to come from Rainbow compared to what she usually does.” She flipped her mane. “So tell me darling, how are things working out for you and Jay?”

Strawberry's cheeks tinted with a little blush. “Well, um... Things started bad but so far it's working very well.” They shared a smile before they turned to the spectacle in front of them.

“Well you lanky bald piece of monkey shi-”

“Language, Rainbow Dash.” Rarity said calmly before taking another sip of her tea. The two in front of her glared in her direction momentarily.

“You still cheated...” Jay said to Rainbow who glared back at him.

“Anyway, the princesses should be here any minute now.” Rarity looked over at a clock on the wall.

“I'm kinda nervous...” Strawberry rubbed her forehooves together, her ears lowered. “I've never met the princesses before. What if I mess up?”

Rarity gave her a pat on her shoulder. “Don't worry about it too much, darling. The princesses are very nice ponies. If you get too nervous, tell one of... us... about... it.” Her speech slowed down when she looked over to Jay and Rainbow.

Rainbow had him in a headlock, his left arm was waving around madly and his right hand was balled into a fist that he was trying to hit her with. They were awkwardly moving around the room.

“Say uncle!” Rainbow shouted.

“Never!” Jay choked out, twisting around his upper body while trying to knock her off.

Rarity sighed, Strawberry facehoofed audibly.

“That's enough, you two!” Rarity chided, levitating Rainbow off Jay whilst Strawberry held him still with her own magic. “Honestly, both of you are acting like fillies!”

Rainbow huffed and flew away to the living room. Jay sat down on the seat closest to Strawberry, crossed his arms and pouted.

“She did fuckin' cheat...” He mumbled.

The ponies and the human jumped when the door swung open with a crash. Twilight skidded inside. “They're here! Oh sweet maker they're here...”

Jay took a deep breath and released it, then knocked the table twice with his knuckles. “Showtime.”

He stood up and brushed off his clothes, then walked toward the door and pushed the hyperventilating unicorn away. He stood in the doorway and smiled.

Outside, princess Celestia and Luna stood staring up at his house with open mouths. They shook their heads in tandem and focused on the human.

“Princess Celestia and her degenerate little sister, what an unwelcome surprise!” He waved at them and moved from the doorway, gesturing at them to come inside. “Come in, come in! Why, it feels like I haven't seen you two in ages!”

Princess Luna was the first one to enter, walking carefully past him and looked around. Celestia moved to follow her sister but Jay raised a hand.

“Give me a second...” He raised his hands so they touched the doorway, not moving the distance between them he held them out toward Celestia and stuck his tongue out in concentration. “Yup, you can come in through this way. Even though it's a bit of a squeeze...” He scratched his chin. “You sure you don't want to enter through the french doors in the back?”

He bit his lip to hold back a laugh as Celestia glared at him, a small blush on her face. Luna didn't restrain herself and let out a powerful guffaw and snorted.

Her ear flicked in irritation. “No thank you, Jay. I'm sure it won't be a problem.” Celestia walked inside, momentarily lowering her head so her horn wouldn't hit the top of the doorway.

The guards behind her were both biting their tongues to hold back their laughter as well as they positioned themselves outside the door to stand guard. Jay closed the door and chuckled as he turned to the princesses.

“Make yourselves comfortable, we have some sweets from Sugarcube Corner and some tea set up in the living room.” He gestured with his right arm. “Just walk down this way and you'll find it. At the mention of pastries, Celestia's ears perked and they walked away.

Jay turned to Twilight who was standing perfectly still and had gone pale. He frowned. Curling his left index finger to his thumb, he flicked her horn and made it wobble madly back and forth.

“Juh-Juh-Juh-Jay! S-S-S-Stop d-d-doing that!” Her head was also shaking, she raised a forehoof and stopped her horn and glared up at him. He smiled and patted her back roughly.

“Welcome back to the land of the living, Twilight!” He walked off toward the living room with the unicorn following him.

He sat down next to Strawberry who smiled at him then nervously glanced to the princesses on the other side of the room who were talking to Rainbow Dash and Pinkie. Princess Celestia glanced over to them with a smirk, then walked over to them and took a seat next to them.

“Oh and who might you be? I'm sorry but I haven't met you before.” Celestia gave Strawberry a motherly smile in an attempt to calm down the pony who looked like she was about to have a panic attack.

“I'm uh... I'm Strawberry your highness!” She squeaked out, gave a quick bow and then hid herself in Jay's side. Her face beet red. Jay's smile faded a little.

“She's Strawberry, like she said.” He repeated, patting her back. “She's not the greatest with social interactions but this is a big step for her.”

Celestia made an 'o' face. “So you two are together?”

“Yeah, it's still pretty fresh.” Jay smiled when Strawberry seperated from him. “Take it easy on her, will you? Don't want her to have a panic attack or someshit...”

Celestia nodded. “Of course.” She levitated over a pastry and took a bite. “So Jay, how have you been these last weeks? I haven't heard much from you.”

“I've been... Alright all in all.” He leaned forward and grabbed a pastry of his own. “There has been some ups and some downs but nothing major, really.”

Celestia nodded once more and they made some small talk before she walked away to talk with her students and her friends. When she was out of earshot, Jay turned to Strawberry.

“You okay?” He whispered, rubbing her back slowly.

“Yeah... I'm okay, I'm just a little nervous meeting the princesses for the first time...” She smiled up at him.

An hour had passed with small talk, pastry eating and Jay doing a backflip off the living room table from a dare from Rainbow Dash. Surprisingly, he had not gotten hurt in his attempt and actually pulled it off and earned fifty bits for the trouble from the pegasus.

Princess Luna and Celestia walked over to the human who was busy rubbing it in her face.

“Jay, my sister and I have something to discuss with you.” Luna spoke, glancing at the human. “It will not take long.”

Jay nodded. “Let's head to my office then.” He walked toward the staircase. “It's on the second floor.”

Twilight's eyes narrowed and when she was certain that they had walked up and entered his office, she followed them. When the door clicked shut, she held her ear to the door.

A bump came from it and Jay spoke up. “You're still not fuckin' sneaky, Twilight! Go downstairs!” Twilight pouted and walked back downstairs into the living room, joining her friends.

Inside the office, Jay sighed and walked over to his desk and sat down in the office chair, resting his elbows on the arm rests and knitting his fingers together under his chin. Celestia glanced over to her sister and nodded. Luna's horn started glowing and after a few seconds, the walls flashed blue.

“That was a very efficient sound-proofing spell. Nopony can hear us.” Celestia began, making herself comfortable. “Now Jay, my sister and I's archmages at the institute of magic has been working non-stop on dimensional theories and results were at first... confusing.”

Luna nodded and cleared her throat. Jay's eyes flicked over to the younger sister. “The tests they did were at first... inconvenient.” She shook her head. “But once they figured out the formula the tests started moving forward.”

Jay's eyes flickered with hope. “You mean... I can go home?” He rested his hands on the desk and leaned forward, a smile on his face that quickly faded when he saw the faces on the alicorn sisters.

Celestia sighed and activated her magic, making a small envelope pop into existance next to her. She placed it on the desk. Even though she was prepared to say it, the look on his face made it much harder for her. Luna was in similar straits, her ears lowered as it was that she could nearly see his hope being sucked out of him.

“We did everything we could to make it work, they're still working on it but it doesn't look good, Jay...” Luna spoke, shaking her head.

Celestia shivered and looked away from the human and shifted her gaze to the envelope and tapped it with a hoof.

“The result of their research is that...” She chewed on her lip for a few seconds. “I'm sorry Jay, from what we could gather is that manipulating dimensional leylines is too dangerous for both of our worlds, which means...”

“That I'm stuck here for good...” Jay finally spoke in a monotone voice. Celestia rested a hoof on his hand.

“I'm so sorry Jay...”

Jay removed his hand from her hoof and leaned back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling. His shoulders slumped down. His eyes lost the shine of mischief they normally had, making them a dull brown instead of the normal bright hazel. He was dead quiet, not making a noise as he ran his hands through his hairs.

“I uh... I need some air...” He mumbled, shuffling up from his seat and opened the door. He dragged his feet as he walked. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand when he walked down the stairs.

Once downstairs, he turned his head to the left and saw both Twilight and Strawberry staring at him. He pointed weakly at the door. “I'm heading out for a few minutes...” He rumbled out in monotone. “I need to be alone for a bit...”

He opened the door and went down the walkway to the gate. He felt a tug on his shirt. “I said leave me the fuck alone!” He roared and balled his right hand to a fist, turning around ready to swing.

He stopped when he saw Twilight staring up at him with wide eyes and flinching back, ready to take a hit. He relaxed and turned around with a sigh. “Please... Just this once... I need this.” He walked away and the gate opened.

Twilight stayed there, watching him walk away dragging his feet and his hands jammed in his pockets. She turned around to see all her friends and Strawberry staring at her. She walked over to them with her head lowered.

“Let's clean up...” She murmured, her friends nodded with her and walked back to the living room, cleaning up the mess that was in there.

Strawberry stared at the gate as it closed, then ran upstairs to Jay's closet and fetched a jacket. Levitating it with her, she ran outside and closed the door behind her.

'I hope he's there...' She thought, her eyes set with determination.

She ran through town, still levitating the jacket. She didn't care that ponies were staring. She couldn't give a single thought that ponies were talking to the one closest to them about her right now.

Eventually she made it to the park and saw a figure sitting at hill far away with his back turned to her. She instantly knew that it was Jay. She slowed down her pace to a walk when she was at the foot of the hill. She unfurled the jacket when she was close and levitated it over his shoulders.

Jay jumped at the sudden contact and turned around with wide eyes. He instantly started wiping at his eyes with the back of his hands.

“I thought you'd get cold...” She said when she sat down next to him. He looked away from her and down at the ground.

“I wanted to be alone...” He murmured.

“I don't think that's the best for you right now...” She moved closer and rested her head on his shoulder. He shuddered at the contact but stayed quiet.

It was quiet for a few seconds before he choked out a sob. “God dammit...” He swore, wiping away fresh tears again.

Strawberry turned to him and wrapped her forelegs around him. He tensed instantly but calmed down and rested his head in her neck. She felt her neck becoming wetter by the second and she tightened her hug on him.

Her ears lowered and she rubbed his back. “I'll help you through this as much as I can...” She whispered to him and she felt him nod at her and rubbed his face deeper in her neck.

She didn't know what else to do other than make sure he wasn't alone.

Author's Note

Arc 3 - Going Forward in Life

Arc #3

of

Bad Company

In which Jay has to deal with a relationship while dealing with the revelation of not being able to return to his world.

Ch. 22 - Falling

A week had passed after Jay had received the news from the princesses that he had no way of returning home. On that evening Strawberry had stayed with him and comforted him into the late hours of the night and walked him home.

After finishing her work for the day much later than she liked, Strawberry was walking toward the path leading to his house. Her ears lowered when she remembered the state he was in the days after the revelation. He had at first not slept for a long time, then sleeping a lot more and barely had any appetite. Hell, If she hadn't nearly force-fed him she's sure he wouldn't have eaten at all this week...

She tapped the code to the gate and hurried past it, the saddlebags she was carrying containing some papers from work along with some groceries rustled and she quickly used her magic to right them from falling off her. She levitated a plant pot on the porch to the side and grabbed the key lying there and unlocked the door. Once finished she put it back beneath the pot and walked inside.

“Jay?” She called out but no answer was heard. She walked further inside and passed the kitchen. Stopping momentarily, she noticed that there was some shattered glass on the floor that she quickly gathered with her magic and put in the trash. She levitated the saddlebags off her and put them on the counter.

Some rustling was heard in the next room and she hurried over. She gasped at the sight.

Jay was sitting on the floor, leaning back to the couch with a distant look in his eyes. The small table that was usually arranged in the middle of the room was flipped over. Around him laid several bottles and cans littered about. In his right hand was an opened bottle containing a dark amber liquid. He released a breath, then hefted the bottle to his mouth and chugged, closing his eyes. Some of the alcohol spilled down his chin, settling in the stubble that had grown on his face. Then some it ran down to his shirt that looked filthy.

The bottle disconnected from his mouth with a pop, now barely half-full. He grimaced and lowered his hand, the bottle clinking to the floor beside him.

“Jay!” Strawberry hurried over, careful not to step on the bottles. “What are you doing?!”

He jumped slightly at the sound and turned slowly to her, his head unsteady. “I'm... havin' a drink...” He lifted the bottle again but this time Strawberry stopped him with her magic and took it away from him, levitating it to the trash bin in the kitchen. He frowned. “Hey... Gimme that back...”

“You've had enough, Jay!” She walked over to him, placing her forelegs on his shoulders and slightly shaking him. “Look around you, this isn't healthy at all!”

He looked around, his eyes widening a little when he saw the sheer number of bottles littering the floor. “I.. didn't think I had this much...” He shook his head. “What's the point of not drinkin' anyway?” He slurred. “My future's fffucked.” His head shook forward with the last word. “I ain't got ssshit here... My family's gone, I lost everything I had because I'm an f-fuckin' idiot...”

Strawberry's lower lip quivered and tears welled in her eyes, but eventually, she frowned and...

Slapped him. Right on his left cheek.

Not hard enough to hurt, just to make a statement. “Stop that, Jay!” Jay rubbed his cheek, opening his mouth to reply but Strawberry's hoof on his mouth silenced him. “I know it's difficult for you right now but...” She shook her head. “How can you say that?!” She raised her voice at him.

“You do have friends here!” She glared at him. “You do have a home here! I can't help you with going back to your world but it will be a cold day in Tartarus before I let you sit here and waste away!” Her eyes softened and she rubbed the hand he had on his cheek. “Please, Jay... Don't spend too much time thinking about the future when we're right here, right now...” She put her forehead to his.

“I promised you that I will help you and I will... But I need you to want my help. Do you want it?” Light emerald eyes met his hazel. They both stared at each other in silence before Jay sighed and wrapped his arms around the mare.

“Goddammit... I dunno how you do it...” He separated from the hug and kissed her. Her nose scrunched slightly from the taste of alcohol and the smell of his breath. “Alright then... Help me up and we'll start cleanin' up this crap...”

Strawberry placed herself on his side for support, a small blush on her face. She used her magic to give him a small push on his back to help him stand up. He wobbled back and forth, barely able to stand still.

“First of all, let's go get you some water...” She had her magic focused just in case she had to catch him from falling over. Jay's feet dragged on the floor as they rounded the corner and into the kitchen.

She led him to a chair and he obediently sat down, resting his arms on the table. Once she was sure he wouldn't fall over, she opened a cupboard with her magic and retrieved a large glass before filling it up with water.

She placed it in front of him and he glanced down at it, then grabbed it with his right hand and gulped all of it down quickly. He set the glass back down on the table and started rubbing his thumbs around the rim slowly, staring down at it.

“I'm sorry for what I said back there...” His eyes focused on his dirty shirt and with a swift pull, he deposited it on the floor. “I'm just...” He closed his eyes and rubbed the eyelids with both hands. “Scared of what's going to happen.”

Strawberry walked to him, folding his shirt and setting it on the counter before turning his head to her with a hoof.

“Don't think about it too much now, we'll take it step by step, okay?” His hazy eyes focused on her and he nodded, giving her a small smile.

Silence reigned as they just stared at each other. A small blush started growing on Strawberry's cheeks and a small, nervous smile appeared on her face.

Eventually, it was ended when Jay spoke.

“Sorry for destroying the moment, but...” His face paled. “I think I'm gonna hurl...”

Hours passed and Jay had sobered up slightly to the point that he could walk on his own. They had a light dinner from the groceries she had brought. She insisted that it was nothing special, that it was just some pasta with cheese and garlic. Jay, however, had been eating as if his life depended on it. When they were done, Jay had insisted on doing the dishes no matter how much she scolded him to take it easy.

“I think I'm gonna head to the shower.” He grimaced, rubbing a hand to his chin. “I gotta shave and scrub the alcohol stink off me...”

Strawberry nodded in agreement. “Please do.” Jay turned to her in surprise, not expecting a comeback from the soft-spoken mare. She giggled at his expression. “What, am I not allowed to do that as well?”

Jay grinned, rubbing her back. “You're definitely allowed to! Man, I'll make you a proper shit talker in no time!”

Jay left the room with that, walking up the stairs to the bathroom and fetching fresh clothes. Strawberry stared at where she saw him last, rubbing a forehoof to the other as her gaze fell to the floor.

That dumb human... “I-I love you...” She whispered, making sure he couldn't hear her. She then covered her face with her forelegs, hiding her beet red face from the world.

Meanwhile, inside the bathroom, Jay stared at his own reflection staring back at him with bloodshot eyes, greasy hair and a shaggy unshaved face. His eyes narrowed so he was effectively glaring at himself.

“Shit... I think I love her...”

He sighed and went to work with cleaning himself up. Once he was finished, he carefully shaved and made sure not to cut himself. On the list of things, his father taught him that always stuck with him, shaving with a straight blade was on the top of it. When his face was clear, he got dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt. It was rather late, after all.

He exited the bathroom, feeling refreshed and his head was much clearer. He walked downstairs and glanced at the clock, reading that it was closing up on eleven at night. 'Time flies when you're having fun, I guess...' He shrugged and walked to the living room, intending to clean up the mess he had caused.

He walked inside and his jaw slackened a little. There was no mess to be found, the table had been righted and all the containers on the floor had been cleared. His eyes wandered over to the couch where he found Strawberry lying fast asleep.

'She's been working all day and still came here to help me out...' He walked to the front door, making sure that it was locked before walking back to the living room. Jay walked closer to the sleeping pony. 'She must be exhausted... Good thing it's a Saturday tomorrow.' With the greatest care not to disturb her sleep, he scooped her up in his arms slowly. In her sleep, she gently nuzzled to his chest and smiled.

He turned around and walked slowly up the stairs to the master bedroom. The door was already open so he turned his upper body slightly so her head wouldn't bump the frame. With some dexterity, he moved the cover away from one side of the bed and put her down. She whimpered when her body left his. Jay gently laid the cover back on her.

Taking off his shirt, he walked to the other side of the bed and threw it over a chair. He settled down on the bed, turning so he was facing her.

“Fuck...” He breathed out, closing his eyes and spoke quietly as to not disturb her sleep. “I know it hasn't been long between us and that we'd take it slow but... Shit, I think I love you...” Her ear flicked but she didn't move.

He rolled over so his back faced her. “You just came over and just... fixed everything somehow...”

It didn't take long until he also fell asleep and quiet snores filled the room. If he had looked harder or been soberer, he would have noticed her eyes being open. Tears brimmed in her emerald eyes and she turned around, gently resting her head on his broad shoulders.

“I love you too...” She mumbled, pressing her face against his back.

Author's Note

Sappy chapter. Had to happen eventually, right?

caaaaaaaaaaan you feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel the loooooooooooooooove toniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight

Ch. 23 - Only to Rise

Strawberry rolled over to her back, smacking her lips and yawned. She stretched her forelegs and sighed. 'Thank goodness for Saturdays...' She reached across the bed and frowned when she felt nothing but air. She opened her eyes and noticed that Jay wasn't in bed. She darted up and looked around. The door was closed and the covers on his side were haphazardly thrown to the side. The spot where he had been sleeping was cold.

She rubbed some gunk out of her eyes then got out of bed. Glancing up at the clock she read that it was still rather early in the morning.

She walked out into the hallway and looked around for any sign of her boyfriend. When she didn't hear or see anything, she decided to continue her search in the kitchen. He wasn't there either. Her ears perked when she saw that coffee was already made, a clean mug placed next to a plate of pancakes.

She smiled and filled up the mug with her magic and retrieved the food from the counter. A note she didn't spot earlier fell to the ground and she stared at it for a few seconds before placing her breakfast on the table. She opened the note and immediately recognized Jay's messy handwriting.

'Good morning! I'm in the left wing of the house. Eat up and then you can come over there!'

She smiled at it and blushed a little at what looked like a poorly drawn cartoonish heart along with his signature. She walked over to the table and started eating, rushing to go see what he was doing in that part of the house. When she finished, she levitated her plate to the sink where it joined another and brought the mug with her as she walked through the hall.

When she neared the end, she heard thumping and what sounded like loud music echo. She walked to the door and knocked. She waited for a couple of seconds but when no answer came, she cracked the door open and looked inside.

The sound of loud music echoed through the room. It sounded as if the drummer was hitting so hard he was attempting to break his instrument along with a pair of heavily distorted guitars. What stood out the most for her though was that the vocalist wasn't exactly singing, it was more like he was yelling into the microphone about a 'motherfucking invitation' or something like that.

She searched for the source of the music only to see that little black device Jay normally used to check the time vibrating along a small spartan table. How could such a small thing be that loud, anyway?

She winced and opened the door wider. She saw a couple of machines lining a wall, along with some racks that had different weights on them. This was certainly new, she didn't know he had a gym at home!

She walked inside and froze as she spotted Jay nodding his head to the beat of the music with his back to her. He was wearing a black tank top and a dark green pair of shorts.

He covered his hands in some chalk before he looked up at a reinforced bar that was hanging from another rack but this one looked much sturdier. She let out a quiet gasp as he jumped up and grabbed it with both of his hands with his palms facing him, a measured distance between them.

He hung there for a few seconds, adjusting his grip before he started hefting himself up to the bar to his chest. Slowly up, down just as slow. He grunted when he had descended fully, then repeated the motion ten more times. His legs had bent back slightly and were crossed near the ankles. He straightened them and then let go, dropping to the floor with a thud. He rolled his shoulders and sighed, flexing his left arm with a frown.

Strawberry just stared at him, forgetting about the mug she was levitating. Her magic faded from it and it fell to the ground with a crash, spreading porcelain all over the floor next to her and a small puddle of coffee. She jolted out of her trance and cursed, staring up at Jay who was smirking at her.

He grabbed a small towel off a rack and walked over, pausing the music on his way. He scratched her ear with his free hand. She sighed and tilted her head toward it.

“Good morning!” Jay gave her a quick peck before he gathered the pieces of the broken mug and wiped the floor clean. He placed the shards on the towel then folded it. “I'm guessing you found my note? Was... Was the food edible?” He asked nervously, staring at her for any reaction.

She smiled at him, walking further into the gym and glanced around. “It was delicious, thank you!”

He chuckled. “Glad to hear it, I had to thank you somehow... I considered coming up with it but you were really out of it.” Jay scratched the back of his head and smiled sheepishly.

“So...” She looked up at the rack that he had been using earlier. “What were you doing up there?” She pointed up at it. Jay looked up, then back down at her.

“That's called a chin-up. It's a good exercise because it uses a lot of muscles.” He shrugged. “It uses my back, abs, chest, and arms in one go.” He walked over to the far end of the room where some dumbbells laid in a row with a bench in front of it and another rack above it. On the rack laid a pole with some rather big weights on them.

He laid down on the bench, wiping his hands on his top before putting his hands on the pole.. He drew a deep breath before adjusting his grip on it further and began his bench press. Once he was finished after a few repetitions, he placed it back on the rack with a grunt and sat up on the bench, reaching over to a water bottle and drank some before dumping some of it on his face and hair.

“Alright, I'm finished for today.” He walked over to where Strawberry had been sitting and staring at him with wide eyes. “I'm gonna head to the shower, you want to go outside and do something?”

Strawberry nodded and followed him back through the hall. She stopped at the foot of the stairs when he walked up. “I'll be right out!” He shouted after he had rounded a corner. She heard the sound of a door closing.

When she was absolutely certain he couldn't see or hear her, she covered her face with her hooves and squeaked, her face once again beet red at what she had witnessed minutes earlier.

-First person-

I exited the bathroom, wearing a pair of pale blue jeans and the same red button-up shirt that I wore when I visited Strawberry at her house. I threw the clothes I had used during my workout in the hamper.

It's weird, I had been walking around and checking the rooms in my house and at the furthest back there was a small home gym. Suffice to say, I was pleasantly surprised by that. Because well, the best way to regain strength is by training. My left arm was starting to come back like it was before, I just had to be careful with it from time to time.

I walked into the kitchen and spotted Strawberry standing to the counter with her forelegs on it, cleaning up some plates from this morning without her magic. I raised an eyebrow at that. Oh well... I walked up behind her quietly and placed both of my hands on her sides. She tensed up and gasped, then craned her head up to look at me with wide eyes.

“You missed a spot...” I faked, looking at her and down at a plate.

“What? Where?” She looked down at the dishes. Jackpot.

Quicker than she could react, I scooped up some suds on my index finger and spread it on her nose. Her head reared back at the contact and her ears flicked madly. Her eyes crossed as she stared down at it, I caught her and laughed at her reaction.

“Jay!” She wiped her muzzle clean and glared up at me, her ears lowered slightly. “That wasn't funny...” She looked at me and snorted. My face was turning red and I was biting my tongue to stop my laughter from exploding. “It really wasn't funny at all...” She pursed her lips and I grinned at her. Eventually, she started giggling as well.

“See? It was funny!”

“Only a little bit...”

“Alright, let's get going. I've been cooped up in here for too long...” I put her down to her four hooves we walked to the front door together. I opened it for her and she went out. I followed her, locking the door behind us.

We walked downtown in silence, greeting some ponies as they passed us. “Jay, that thing playing the music when you were working out..?”

I looked down at her. “My phone?” I picked up the device from my left pocket and showed it to her, turning on the screen. “What about it?”

“Oh, I was just wondering how a small thing like that could play music so loud...” She asked, staring at it warily as if it was about to blow up in her face.

“I dunno, really... It's been acting really weird after I jammed it to Celestia's horn...” I stared at it.

“You did what?!” She squeaked out. “Why would you do that?!”

I shrugged. “It was running out of battery power. I figured that your magic is energy that you developed to the point of being able to control and manipulate. Keeping that in mind, my phone is charged through electronics so I tried it out.”

Strawberry stopped walking. I did the same and looked back at her, raising an eyebrow. “What?”

“And what if it wouldn't have worked?”

“Well, I'd probably be in jail right now.” I grinned at her. She rolled her eyes and started walking again. “Anyway, it started acting weird after that. The sound of it was boosted for one, not that I'm complaining of course... The flashlight on it broke when I tried to light it and the camera was doing all kind of weird things.”

Her ears perked. “That thing has a camera on it? Where?”

“It has two, actually.” I pointed at a little circle on the front on the top of it. “This one's smaller but takes lower quality pictures. I flipped the phone and showed the primary camera. “This can take higher resolution pictures and handles zoom functions.”

Strawberry still looked unsure, glancing at the phone and then at me. I chuckled and unlocked the phone, flipping through the apps until I found the camera. I changed it to selfie mode and turned it toward her.

She gasped and looked closer. “It actually works!” She stared up at me for confirmation. I nodded, smiling at her.

“Here...” I crouched down next to her, placing my right arm around her neck and held my left arm up at an angle. “Say cheese!”

On the screen I saw her face morph into panic, then an unsure smile before she sighed and smiled genuinely up at it with a small blush on her cheeks. I took the picture and showed it to her. With some sneaky hand movements, I set it as the background of my lock screen.

“Human technology is amazing!” She gushed, moving her head closer to the screen. “What else can it do?”

“You can play games on it, call people that are far away, send text-based messages and a lot more.” She stared at it, then up at me.

“If you can call people that are far away, can you call your... family?”

My smile faded lightly and I scratched my chin. “No, I can't... There's no service here.”

I looked away for a few seconds and narrowed my eyes. Strawberry did the same. I saw Spike running at me, carrying a rolled up piece of paper.

“Jay!” He yelled when he spotted me. “Jay, you got a letter!” Spike stopped in front of me, breathing heavily. I turned my head to Strawberry who looked back at me.

“Who's it from, Spike?”

“It's from Prince Blueblood!”

My eyebrows raised waaay up.

“Oh fuck, I forgot I sent him the blueprints...” I slapped my palm to my forehead, then slid my hand down my face. “Here, lemme see.”

Spike handed the letter over to me. I saw Blueblood's mark stamped in red wax on a blue strap that kept it rolled up. I ripped it off and unfurled it.

'James,

I, along with my directors and advisors at Platinum Industries have decided to put your idea into a prototype stage. With this in mind, we would like to see you soon at our headquarters in Manehattan for introductions and you overseeing the first products being made. We would like you to arrive this coming week.

This is a good start for integration as my aunts have informed me of your situation and I offer my deepest sympathies.

P.S. Be sure to bring clothes fitting for high-end business meetings. I'm sure you can find a tailor that can help you with what you need.

P.P.S. A grant for giving us the idea has been sent to you. Two hundred and fifty thousand bits, to begin with, not counting the bonuses you will receive during eventual sales.

-Prince Blueblood.'

I stared at the piece of paper slack-jawed. My eyes narrowed at the part of me having to be there next week. I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. “Fuckin' hell, why now...”

“T-two h-hundred th-thousand..!” Strawberry gaped at the letter, her hooves shaking. Eventually, she recovered. “Looks like you're going to my hometown, Jay!” She hopped on her hooves. “Oh, you'll love it!” Her hopping slowed down as her ears lowered. “But I can't go, I have to work...”

I patted her back. “Don't worry, we'll go there together sometime.”

I turned to Spike. “How about you, you want to come and raise hell in the big apple for a few days?”

Spike's eyes lit up but he looked away after a few seconds. “I don't think Twilight would like that. I'll ask her though...”

Right, off to Rarity's and blackmail her into making me a suit, I guess...

Author's Note

Guess the song he was listening to. It's one of my favorites...

HAHA, YOU PROBABLY THOUGHT I FORGOT BLUEBLOOD HAD A PART IN THIS STORY

Ch. 24 - Stupid White Diamond Butt Horse 2: Electric Boogaloo

Rarity was having a very good day so far. Since it was the first day of the weekend, she had managed to clean up in her workspace and most of her house. Some small details were left but she was not in a rush to complete them, so she was sitting in her kitchen and drinking some wonderfully made tea.

She let out a small, satisfied sigh. This was certainly a small piece of heaven as she and the girls had not been sent out on a world-saving mission in quite a while and she had learned to appreciate the smaller details in life such as this.

All of this was of course violently disturbed by a loud crash coming from her front door.

She nearly jumped out of her fur at the noise, her magic becoming unstable and the tea she was enjoying spilled out on her perfectly groomed coat. She shrieked and ran out to the foyer, dead set on giving whoever entered her sanctuary a good old thrashing.

She stopped as she saw her door wide open, Jay standing by the doorway with a leg raised and a victorious grin on his face. Behind him, Strawberry and Spike were staring at him in abject horror.

“Heeeeeey, Rarity!” Jay lowered his leg and walked inside, giving the fashionista his best smile. His companions followed him inside. Rarity slowly raised an eyebrow.

“Hello there, mind explaining the explosive entry, Jay?” She asked casually, cleaning the tea out of her fur with a quick spell. Jay walked past her and looked at odd trinkets lining the wall.

“Oh, nothing special.” He waved a hand dismissively at her. “I knocked a couple of times but you wouldn't answer us, so I did it the old fashion way.”

“The old fashion way?”

“Vulgar display of power.”

“Oh...”

Rarity sighed and rubbed a forehoof to her temple to soothe a rapidly rising headache. “So what can I do for you all today?”

“Um...” Strawberry started, “I'm sorry for your door, we're here because Jay has a request for you... Go on, show it.” Jay's eyes widened as if he remembered something and withdrew a slightly crumpled scroll that had been folded from his pocket.

He held out his hand holding it to Rarity. She looked at the piece of paper, then up at Jay. She rolled her eyes and then took it in her magic and unfolded it. She silently read through it and her eyes widened, then instantly narrowed as she reached the end.

“You're doing business with Blueblood?” Rarity spat out the name as if it was pure poison. Jay stopped petting an increasingly angry cat and turned to her.

“What's wrong with him?”

“He's a rude, selfish brute with no sense of tact or knowledge on how to treat a lady properly!" Rarity fumed, shaking the letter at him. "The last time I met him at the gala, he spent the night talking about himself and when a situation arose, he used me as a meatshield!" She continued her rant. Jay slowly raised a finger and opened his mouth.

“Question; did you follow him around?” Jay asked, retrieving the paper before it got damaged. Rarity nodded slowly. “So you went with a pony you don't really know, followed him around like a sick puppy and was later surprised when he shut you down?”

Rarity's cheeks painted with a small, pink blush. “...Well, when you put it that way.”

“Anyway...” Jay shook his head, crossing his arms. “Can you help me out? I know it's out of the blue but I didn't know who else to ask that can do something like this in such a short time.”

Rarity sighed, then smiled up at him. “Of course I'll help you. When do you need it finished?”

“I'd like for it to be done by Monday morning, I'm leaving around that time.”

"I'll have it done by tomorrow evening so you don't have to rush over." Rarity levitated her work glasses to her and placed them on her nose, circling him with a thoughtful expression. "But since this is a business meeting, looking and acting professional is a must.” She stopped right in front of him, staring up at him with a frown. “We're going to have to cut your hair.”

Jay raked a hand through his hair. “Why? What's wrong with it?”

Rarity grimaced. “Darling, if I would have to point out the flaws of it we'd be here for most of the day...”

“That hurts, marshmallow.”

“Sometimes the truth hurts, but don't worry I'll help you with that as well! Now, if you'd follow me...” Rarity turned to Spike and Strawberry. “There's tea in the kitchen, Spike knows the way. This shouldn't take long.”

They left the room, heading to her workspace. Jay turned around before entering, mouthing 'sorry' to Strawberry. She waved him away with a hoof and he entered after Rarity and the door was closed in an aura of blue magic. Spike motioned for her to follow him. They walked through another door and entered the kitchen.

Spike quickly gathered cups and prepared the tea for them. He turned around and looked Strawberry straight in the eyes.

“So... You and Jay, huh?”

Strawberry blanked. She blinked twice and looked down at the baby dragon who folded his arms.

“Um... Yes? We've been together for about two weeks now.” She shifted in her seat, looking away from Spike. His eyes narrowed slightly.

“How is he?” Spike looked away for a few seconds, then back at her. “He's been having it rough ever since he got here. So what I need to know is...” Spike shook his head as he filled the cups with boiling water and placed the leaves in it. “Are you treating him right? I know he's a handful, believe me...”

Once again, Strawberry blinked at the little dragon and a small smile formed. He was looking out for his friend who was different, just like him.

"He's doing better, it was very hard for him for a few days but I'm helping him with what I can..." She cradled the teacup placed in front of her with her hooves, staring down at it. "It was hard for both of us but I would never leave him alone in the state he was.”

Strawberry stared at the little dragon across the room, a fire in her eyes. “Ponies can think whatever they want about us, what's important to Jay and I is what we have. If someone has a problem with that, fuck 'em.”

It was silent for a few seconds before her ears lowered as she realized what she just said. Her blush intensified and she started stammering. “I-I mean... I... You know...” She continued babbling and covered her face with her hooves.

Spike laughed and relaxed his posture, drinking his tea. "Yeah, his way of speaking does rub off on you!" Strawberry lowered her hooves and levitated her cup, taking a sip. "But if you're mean to him and make him sad, I'll make you regret it."

Just as quickly as Strawberry drank her tea, she spat it out in a fine mist at his words.

-First person-

“She nearly cut my fuckin' ear off.” I mumbled, sitting slouched over uncomfortably in Strawberry's couch. I had my arms crossed and tapped my left biceps.

Spike had run off back to the library to convince Twilight to let him come with me, leaving me alone with Strawberry at her house instead of mine. We couldn't be bothered to take the walk back to my house so here we were.

Strawberry circled to the back of the couch and jumped up, resting her forehooves on the backrest as she looked over my hair for the third time. I sighed and leaned back, staring right up at her. “What?”

“I um... I haven't really seen your ears before since your old hair covered them and I think they're really small and adorable and... and I like them... a lot.” She rambled, then hid her blushing face against the backrest with a squeak.

I swear, she will be the death of me.

I had a bit of an argument with Rarity about how my hair would look like. I wanted it to be cut short all around, she wanted to cut it only a little and style the rest. It ended with the sides being cut very short, but at the top of my head it was slightly longer that became shorter the further back it went. The bangs were combed back, going to the left.

Basically, we got the douchebag 'do in the end. Rarity called it a revolutionary hairstyle, I just kept quiet and left her some bits. When she got to work on the suit, we decided to leave and allow her to work in peace.

“Want to get some lunch?” I asked after a few minutes of silence. “We don't have to go out, I'll just whip something up here.” I stood up and stretched my arms and started walking to the kitchen.

“No, I'll make something. You made breakfast.” She walked ahead of me and started rummaging in the fridge.

“It's no problem, I'll-” I got cut off as she drew her head back from the fridge and glared at me for a few seconds. “Fuckin'... Okay...” Hey, I might not be the smartest person ever but when a girl gives you that kind of look it's better to give up.

I sat down at the small table further into the kitchen. It was really tiny, basically just fitting two plates. In fact, that was a common thing in this house. Everything was really small, no real space for anything other than the bare essentials. Strawberry backed away from the refrigerator and bumped the counter behind her and sighed as she levitated out what looked like some essentials for just making some salad.

Man, this house is small. Not like, comfy small. Just straight out small with a capital S. From where I was sitting I could see the door to the bedroom and if I moved my head slightly to the left it was a clear shot into the living room.

I'm not saying that it's small because I'm bigger than the ponies, I could clearly see that it was uncomfortable for her. I bit my lip.

“So... Strawberry?”

“Mhmm?”

“Want to move in with me?”

The plates she was carrying crashed to the ground and she stared at me with her mouth open and another blush on her cheeks. I stood up and walked over, picking up the pieces before one of us stepped in them.

“Wh-what?!”

“I was just thinking... This place is small. Like, really small. My house? It's huge to have just me living there alone.” I deposited the shards in a bin and sat down on the floor in a lotus position.

“I-if you say so...” She scratched the back of her head. “It's just... sudden, you know?”

“It's your choice of course and I know what I said about taking it slow but... Look at this place!” I waved around a hand, bumping it on a counter. “You can barely move around without bumping something and you're way smaller than me!”

Her ears flattened and she walked over to me. She leaned forward a bit and kissed me. “...I'll settle things with my landlady and get my things ready.”

I smiled at that and kissed her back. “I'll help you box your stuff after lunch.” I stood up, brushed off my pants and looked around. “Do you still have some moving boxes or something like that here?”

“There's a few folded in my bedroom.” Her attention returned to preparing the food. I walked over to the mentioned room and quickly found a few boxes. I got to work with setting them up and placing them on the floor in order. A few minutes later I heard her call that lunch was ready.

I shimmied back into the kitchen, careful not to knock something over. I took the free seat next to the table and dug in when she had joined me.

We ate in relative silence, just talking about what she wanted to pack herself and which items were a bit more fragile than the rest. When we finished, I grabbed both plates and brought them to the sink and cleaned them.

“Jay?” I turned my head to her.

“What's up?”

“I just... I just wanted to say that I'm really grateful that you're looking out for me and letting me move in with you and...” She took a deep breath and closed her eyes tight, then opened them and stared right at me. “I love you!”

…

…

I blanked. I turned completely to her while wiping my hands clean off the water. I blinked once. Twice. I could see her shoulders start to sag and her forelegs start shaking. I walked over to her and crouched down, moving away a couple of strands of her mane that covered her eyes. She gasped at the touch.

“I love you too.”

We spent the rest of the day packing her stuff, cleaning the house and getting everything carried to my house. We gathered a fair share of stares when we walked through town carrying several boxes across town. Applejack offered to loan us her cart but we managed on our own.

Fluttershy and Twilight noticed us walking past them and both of them stared at us with near face-splitting grins as we passed them.

On Sunday, we spent a lot of time unpacking and setting up what she wanted. When we were done, we ordered in some pizza and ate it outside on the patio in the back of the house. Later in the evening, Rarity came over with my suit and the shoes I asked if she could get made.

Hey, wearing some old as shit worn out sneakers to a business meeting is just bad practice. I'm not sure how the hell she made them on a short notice, they were even sized right and comfortable!

And then... Monday came. The day I had to leave to head off to Manehattan for work. Strawberry and I were walking to the train station, not saying much. She looked a bit down. I have to admit I was also a bit bummed out. Turned out that Spike couldn't come with me.

There was no convincing Twilight this time, she was dead set on Spike staying in Ponyville for some reason. Ah well, shit happens.

I was sitting on a bench with my ticket in my hands and a small black faux-leather bag on my left and Strawberry on my right.

“I'll be back by Thursday morning, I promise.” I said to her, resting my right arm over her withers. She leaned to me.

“I know... It's just... The house will be really quiet and empty when you're gone...” She sniffled and wiped her face with a foreleg. I squeezed her to me.

“Don't worry, Twilight and the girls promised to check up on you and visit. You'll manage and if anything happens I'll get back here in no time!” I smiled at her. I heard the whistle of a train in the distant and stood up. Strawberry stayed in her seat and looked up at me.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

When the train started grinding to a halt, I grabbed the bag and slung it over my shoulder. I saw a few more tears budding in the corners of her eyes.

I leaned down to her and kissed her. She tensed up for a few seconds, then leaned into it. We separated and I stood back up and ran a hand through my hair.

“I'll see you real soon, love ya!” I waved at her and jogged to the train.

“Love you too, Jay!” She waved but faltered when ponies stared at her. She shook her head and waved even harder. “Be good, stay out of trouble and please don't get arrested!”

“No promises!” I laughed and entered the cart and walked into a booth I got for myself.

After a few minutes of waiting, a conductor passed me and punched a hole in the ticket. I put it in my bag and leaned back in my seat, kicking up my feet on the seat across me. Once the train started chugging away from the station, I yawned and then closed my eyes for a little power nap.

Ch. 25 - Smooth Mooves

“Next stop, Manehattan! To anypony that is leaving, be sure to bring all your belongings and mind the gap!” A voice called out, I gathered the papers I had spread on the seat next to me and placed them back in the bag.

I had been on this fuckin' train for five hours! This awful, loud, cramped as hell train was really putting a number on my patience. Hell, I couldn't even stand up and stretch properly! The train started slowing down until it finally came to a halt.

I walked out of my cabin, hunched over slightly. I grabbed my sunglasses from my left suit pocket and quickly put them on as I walked out from the train. I threw my bag over my right shoulder and pocketed my left hand.

Now... Where the hell is Blueblood's office? I looked around, several ponies were staring at me but most were ignoring me. Shit, I could have sworn some mares and even a stallion or two were giving me the eyes.

I decided not to think about it too hard so I plugged in my earbuds and started walking away from the station. I gotta admit, so far everything looks kinda similar to what was in New York back on my world. I got an odd feeling that I was being watched. I removed my left earbud and turned around.

Behind me stood a rather tall and lanky stallion. His coat a very light green and his mane was a couple of shades darker that was split down the middle of his forehead with his horn poking through. He was staring up at me with viridian eyes covered by some black square glasses.

“...Can I help you?” I rumbled, slightly weirded out by him.

“Are you...” He looked down at a journal held in his magic. “Mr. James Andersen?”

“I am. May I ask who's asking?” I removed my earbuds and rolled them up, then jammed them in a pocket.

“I'm Poindexter, I work as an assistant at Platinum Industries.” He walked forward and raised his right hoof.

'Don't laugh. Don't you dare fucking laugh.' I coughed in the crook of my left arm to hide it, then reached out with my right hand and shook. "Well then, a pleasure to meet you P-Poindexter..." I smiled at him.

He sighed. “Look, I know what my name means. Believe me, I heard it a lot in school.”

Shit! Salvage!

“Well, is it alright with you if I call you Dex instead?” I released his hoof and took a step back.

“Why not, it's what my friends call me!” He smiled at me.

"Well, my friends always call me Jay," I stretched. "so should we head to the company?" He nodded and started walking. I followed him to a road and he stopped and raised a forehoof. Almost instantly, a cart painted like an NYC-cab stopped in front of us. Dex climbed in before me and I went in after him.

The stallion pulling the cart turned around. “Ay, ay, no pets in my cart!” He stared at me. I exchanged a glance with Dex. Before he could speak, I cleared my throat.

“I'm sorry sir, but did you just call me a... pet?” My glare hardened. “Do you know who I am?” He shook his head, staring at me.

“Well, I'm the person who will make the rest of your pitiful life a living hell if you ever talk to me, or any of my associates like that again. Do you understand?” I glared him as if he would set on fire. He mumbled out his reply. “I said; do you understand?!”

“Yes, sir!” He nodded as if his head was about to fall off.

I turned around nonchalantly and waved the back of my hand at him. "Take us to Platinum Industries HQ. If you take us there in time and forego the fare I won't have a talk with the prince about this disrespectful behavior."

“O-of course, sir!”

“Very good.”

With that, the cart started moving at a pretty good pace. I closed the divider to the stallion who nearly pissed himself and leaned toward Dex, taking off my sunglasses with a smirk.

"Step one of human business practices: Intimidation."

We arrived at a h-u-g-e building downtown nearly ten minutes later. It had been a bit of a bumpy ride due to my... convincing but here we were. I stared up at it and whistled. I had seen large skyscrapers before. Hell, I even visited one being built once when I joined my brother at his job for a day.

I tried to think of something to say about it to make it justice, but since Dex was starting to stare at me I just went with whatever was on the tip of my tongue.

“That's one big ass building.”

Yeah...

“Well Mr. Andersen, it's one of the oldest buildings in the business district.” I glanced down at Dex with a frown.

“Didn't I tell you to call me Jay?” He sighed.

“You did. Several times. You told me that if I didn't stop you'd 'tell Bluey that I'm being a meanie.'”

"Damn right and I'm banking on that," I said as we started walking up the steps to the building. Before we entered, I stopped and adjusted my tie and then straightened the jacket. Taking a breath to hype myself up, I stepped forward and the doors opened on their own.

Immediately, several sets of eyes settled on me. I felt a few beads of sweat form on my forehead. Dex marched forward calmly and cleared his throat.

“This is Prince Blueblood's guest, James Andersen. I'm sure most of you have been told but I expect all of you to treat him with proper respect, yes?” He spoke up without missing a beat as his eyes roamed over the gathered ponies.

The calm returned after that. Holy shit Dex, way to go! He started walking again toward what looked like an old-timey elevator. I followed him. Once he got close, the doors to it opened. He walked inside and turned around, facing me. I lowered my head and stood beside him.

He pushed a button and the doors closed and the familiar feeling of an elevator going up. It went up for several minutes until a bell chimed and the doors opened again. We walked out to a fancy-looking hall where the left side was all glass-panels so I got a good look at the entire town. I could have sworn I saw a pony version of the statue of liberty way in the distance.

Dex stopped outside a door and waited for me to join him. “Get ready...” He told me before he raised a hoof and pushed a buzzer. A couple of seconds later the door clicked and it opened.

Dex walked in first and I followed close behind. At the far end of the room was a big oaken desk, surrounded by a liquor cabinet in the far right corner, two fancy-looking lounge chairs were in front of it and behind the desk, Blueblood was sitting and writing on a paper. He glanced up at me and smiled. He got out from his chair and walked around, heading toward me.

“Hello there, Jay” He reached forward with a hoof. I shook it. “How was your trip from Ponyville?”

I tilted my head to the right and my neck popped. “It was okay, a little cramped but nothing I'm not used to since coming here.” He motioned toward his desk and I sat down in one of the chairs, He circled it and sat down. Dex positioned himself to the left of his desk.

Blueblood smiled and leaned forward. “I see, must have been quite the change for you.” I nodded. “Well, since I assume you are tired from your trip we can get straight to business...” He passed me a note. “We'll start off today with just a little meeting so you can meet my advisors. They were rather... persistent in meeting you. I hope that's not a problem?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Good. Tomorrow I was thinking about doing some orientation and perhaps visiting the workstation where your prototype is being built.” He then stood up and turned to Dex.

“Poindexter, could you tell them to come to the conference room? I believe we better get started...”

"Of course, Prince Blueblood." Dex nodded respectfully and then left the room. Blueblood and I sat around and just talked about random stuff, just to make some time pass as we waited. Eventually about twenty minutes later, He stood up.

“Come, let's walk to the conference.”

We walked in relative silence, the only thing that disturbed us was a pony sometimes coming to us and asking Blueblood a question that he quickly answered. Eventually, we reached a large set of double doors.

Blueblood opened it with his magic and walked inside. I straightened my suit again and ran a hand through my hair before walking inside. Blueblood walked far into the room, sitting down at the table and getting comfortable in his seat.

There was one empty seat and it was right next to him. I walked confidently forward, placed a hand on the back of the chair and swiveled it to me, then sat down. I knitted my hands and ran my eyes over the gathered ponies.

Most of them looked like the snooty upper-class ponies I had seen back in Canterlot for most of my visits.

And what followed was probably the most boring two hours of my life.

I sat in an office I had been provided with for my stay. I had removed my suit jacket as it was rather warm in here, I let my arms dangle freely as I leaned back and groaned and stared at the ceiling.

I sat there for what felt like forever and did nothing until I heard a knock on the door. I immediately sprung forward and grabbed a paper and got ready. “Come in!” I yelled.

The door cracked open and an older stallion walked inside. He was white and his hair was a faded red, his eyes were a bright red color that stood out. I recognized that geezer, he was at the advisor meeting that made me want to blow my brains out.

“Am I interrupting anything?” He asked with a knowing grin.

“No, I was about to take a break.” I leaned back in my chair and motioned for him to come inside.

“Well, if you say so...” He walked forward to a chair in front of my desk and sat down, looking over at me with a small smile. “I heard you were from Ponyville?”

“You can say that...” I smiled. “It's where I settled after arriving here. It's a nice town.”

He chuckled. “It is a rather lovely little town, is it not?" His eyes hardened for a split second. "Now, this may seem intrusive... But, my granddaughter moved there a while back and I would like to ask if you know her?”

Signals blared inside my head and I strained to keep my smile on my face.

“I might...” I tapped my left hand on the armrest of my chair. “I'll need a bit of a description.”

“She's a small, unicorn mare. She's rather shy and soft-spoken. An absolute sweetheart that I'd do anything in my power to protect...”

Oh.

“Her name's Strawberry.”

Oh, sweet Jesus.

Author's Note

STRAWBERRY IS FOR HUG, NOT FOR FUG
STRAWBERRY IS FOR HUG, NOT FOR FUG
STRAWBERRY IS FOR HUG, NOT FOR FUG
STRAWBERRY IS FOR HUG, NOT FOR FUG

Ch. 26 - Near Death Experience

Author's Note

A bit of a delay, work has been kicking my ass and I got a new guitar to fiddle around with and I have the attention span of exactly two potatoes so writing was hard.

Ch. 26 - Near Death Experience

“Oh really?” I squeaked out, giving him his best smile as sweat started to roll down my forehead. “You're Strawberry's... Grandfather?” I grabbed a glass of water that was on the edge of my desk and downed all of it in one go and slammed the glass back down.

"Yeah, I uh... Know her." I straightened my posture and gave him my best smile.

“Really? How?” He asked, that knowing smirk still on his face. He adjusted in his seat.

I bit my lip. The fuck do I do? I mean... I could lie straight out my ass and come up with some bullshit but that wouldn't feel right. Man, I guess biting the bullet is my best option right now... I hesitantly moved for my phone that was in my suit jacket. His eyes followed my movements closely as if he was expecting me to pull a knife or something.

I brought it forward and quickly brought up the gallery. I picked a recent picture. It was another selfie, this one was with Strawberry kissing my cheek as we were lounging on the couch. It was the last picture we took on Sunday evening.

I coughed, then showed it to him. His eyes widened, then narrowed and I could feel the temperature in the room drop. I gulped.

“I gotta hand it to you, kid...” He said, nearly growling. “It takes balls to come clean just like that, but...” He jolted forward.

I jumped from my seat and pressed myself against the wall, holding up my hands. "Oh God, not the face! It's my only redeeming quality!" I braced for the hit but it never came. I opened my eyes and lowered my hands, he had leaned to my desk and was looking at the phone.

“She looks happy. Good.” He then looked straight up at me, still glaring. “Now, here's the thing... He leaned back in his seat and relaxed. “I already knew. I had to do a test of character.”

“You... Knew?”

He laughed. "Of course I did! I had some of my boys in Ponyville to check up on her and they reported back to me that you two were really close." He got up from his seat and started walking around. "If you would have lied and gone around the subject, you would have a reason to cover your face."

Oh sweet baby Jesus, thank fuck I didn't go with Plan A. I blinked and sat back down in the chair.

“You had ponies watching Strawberry in Ponyville?” I scratched the back of my head. “Your... boys was it?”

“That I did.” He sighed and shook his head. “Strawberry is a sweet girl. Wouldn't hurt a fly, so I had to keep tabs on her.” He looked at me. “I had some... Work associates watch over her and keep me posted.” He returned to his seat.

“I'm getting old, James.” His eyes softened as he noticed that my phone had flicked to another picture of Strawberry, this one was with just her. “She's the youngest of my grandchildren and all her siblings are polar opposites to her. Makes me want to keep her safe. Which begs the question...” His eyes narrowed once more. “Can you?”

I blinked twice and pursed my lips, running a hand through my hair. “Well, sir-”

“Call me Lucky.”

“Okay, Lucky...” I scratched my chin. “Well, Strawberry is like... How can I explain it without sounding too cheesy...” I tapped my chin with my index finger. “She's like an anchor to me.” I eventually spoke and placed my phone back in my pocket.

“When I was told I wouldn't be able to go home I uh... I wasn't in a good spot. I drank because I had nothing else at that point and she came over and helped me get back on my feet...” I shook my head.

“If she wasn't there for me like she was, I'd probably not sit here right now.” I rested my arms on the desk and leaned forward. “She's everything I have and it'll be a cold, cold day in hell before anyone tries to take her away from me, or hurt her in any way.”

Lucky smiled at that. “Good answer.” He glanced up at the clock and his eyes widened. “Come on, it's getting late. Let's go back to my estate. You can stay the night there and meet the missus.” He started walking to the door and I followed him. Once we left the office and was in the elevator, I looked down at him.

“So...” I started and he glanced up at me. “If I would have answered that wrong or would have lied, what would you have done?”

"Oh, just settle it the old-fashioned way." He chuckled and waved a hoof. "Take you for a trip to the harbor where you'd get to try out your new concrete shoes."

Oh, God.

"...And this is the main manufacturing line. In the far back, you can see your prototype in final assembly." Dex pointed out a corner in the far back as we stood on a walkway above. "Follow me and we'll head there right now..."

I followed him down a staircase and immediately gathered glances from the hardworking ponies. Some of them just raised an eyebrow and went back to work, no one really spoke up. Dex and I walked to the corner he pointed out from above.

“What's the progress?” Dex asked as he adjusted his glasses and leaned forward.

“We just finished final assembly, sir!” A pegasus mare said, grinning at him. Her eyes widened when she noticed me behind him, staring down at it with my arms crossed.

I decided to skip on the suit jacket today and had rolled up the sleeves on my white shirt. With my arms still crossed, I leaned forward and took in every detail of the back scratcher.

“Everything seems to be right. I can't spot anything right away...” I reached out for it but turned to the mare before I picked it up. “Would you mind?”

“N-not at all, sir!” She stammered.

I picked it up and ran my fingers over the neck, not feeling anything sticking out. The soft grip at the end also felt good, nothing uncomfortable about it. I placed one hand on the handle, then pulled out the telescopic neck to its full extent. To look extra professional, I raised it to my head and looked down the neck, it was perfectly straight.

The head was exactly like I wanted it, there were no rough edges there as well. I did a small function test and scratched my own back with it. Once finished, I withdrew the neck and placed it back down on the brace it had been lying on.

I turned to the mare who was sweating bullets. “Are you the one who made this?” I pointed at it.

She nodded hesitantly, still looking nervous as shit. “W-well I didn't do it all alone, but I did most of the work...”

I relaxed my posture and patted her on the back. “You did a great job, it's better than I expected.”

Her ears perked and her wings fluttered happily. “R-really?!” She started levitating up a bit from her wings moving, then dropped to the ground. “Oh wow, I was super nervous working with it... It's my first prototype...” She murmured and her ears lowered.

I turned to Dex and thumbed to the mare. "I sign off on this prototype. It's approved and I want to request that miss... Uh..." I scratched my neck and gave her a lopsided grin. "What's your name?"

“Oh! My name's Artisan, sir...”

“You can call me Jay, calling me sir makes me feel old.” I held out my hand and she shook it with her hoof. I cleared my throat as she released my hands and turned back to Dex.

"Right! I want Artisan here to oversee production if all products made are the same quality as this from the start, we won't have to trouble us too much with the end of the line quality checks as much."

Dex nodded and wrote down what I said in his journal. “That shouldn't be a problem, I'll see to getting the proper paperwork ready.”

Artisan's face lit up with a huge splitting grin and she started bouncing around. “Oh my sweet Celestia, thank you!” She squealed, then hugged me. I tensed up and my lips became a very thin line. She gasped as she realized what she did. “Oh no! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...”

I chuckled and straightened my shirt. “It's fine, I understand that you're happy with this.” I looked up at the clock and frowned. “Right... Dex, time's up! We gotta head back to HQ and sit through another shitty fuckin' meeting!” I flicked his horn and he stumbled, glaring up at me.

“I swear to the heavens above if you do that one more time...”

Blah. Blah. Economics. Blah. Blah. Blah. Lawsuit. Blah. Blah. More economics. B-L-fuckin'-A-H.

They had been droning about the same shit for what felt like hours. I adjusted in my seat as Dex finally cleared his throat at the end of the table. I glanced down at a rolled up piece of paper in front of me, then up at Dex and back at the paper. I smirked as an idea formed in my mind.

"Today, Mr. Andersen-" he was interrupted as a spitball hit his cheek. He glared at me. "James-" Two spitballs hit his face in quick succession. Chuckles were heard around the room. Seems like everyone else was also bored. Even Blueblood was covering his mouth and was alternating his eyes between Dex and me.

Dex sighed heavily and rubbed a forehoof to his forehead. He levitated the roll of paper away from me and I pouted. “Party pooper...”

“Jay and I were down at the manufacturing department and overlooked the final prototype.” He levitated up a blueprint and a folder. “After careful consideration, we gave it the okay as it was made very well and was up to our standard.” He then opened his folder and levitated out a paper slip.

There was a picture of Artisan and some other details on it. “Jay instantly saw the potential of an overseer position for this mare as she made the prototype and would be able to start production smoothly with a team of ponies she would pick out.”

Murmurs went around the room and Blueblood levitated the slip over to him and read over it. “She's been working for us for the last four years, perfect attendance and no major faults or mistakes. I see nothing wrong with this.” He said as his eyes wandered around the table. Most of the ponies nodded in agreement.

Blueblood wrote his signature on the paper and crossed over the numbers on the pay portion and significantly raised the number.

Radical.

"So, with that last bit of information this meeting is concluded," Blueblood said, sighing in relief. "About time too, it's just about time to go home." He stood up from his seat as all the ponies in the room started gathering their materials. "Have a safe trip home, everypony and I'll see all of you tomorrow."

I stood up from my seat and stretched my back then rolled my shoulders.

“Walk with me, Jay...” Blueblood said as he passed me. I raised an eyebrow, then slung my jacket over my shoulder and started walking next to him. We stopped at the wall that was just a huge window that had a hell of a view of the town when the sun was setting.

"I have to admit, you're doing good work." He said, looking down at the streets below. "Dex has been reporting your outings to me and I'm impressed with how you handled it with Artisan." He said, turning to me with a smile.

“To be honest, I have been keeping an eye on her record for a chance to promote her and you gave me just that.” He reached for the paper he signed earlier. “Which is why I want you to deliver this to her tomorrow.”

I took the paper and nodded, carefully placing it in my bag. “I'll head down to manufacturing tomorrow after the morning meeting then and have Dex come with me.”

We stood in silence for a while, just looking out over the town. “Are you missing Ponyville?” He asked with a small smile.

I scratched my chin. “Yeah, I really do. Even back on my world, I wasn't much for big cities. Hell, I was basically a country boy...” I crossed my arms. “But work is work, can't stop until I'm done here for now.”

“I can set up a two way-link using some magically crafted candles. It would work like dragonfire but more direct to two ponies, if you'd prefer it like that.” Blueblood spoke after a few seconds of silence.

"You'd have to occasionally come here for progress meetings, of course, but you're not required to stay here. It would be perfectly fine for you to work from home where you're comfortable."

I smiled down at him. “Yeah, I'd like that. Let's talk more about that tomorrow though, Lucky invited me over again and he's fuckin' scary...” I waved at Blueblood as I rounded a corner and went to the elevator.

Time to put on the patented white man smile and enter dangerous territory once more...

-Third person switch-

Strawberry sighed as she walked through the house on her own. She understood now why Jay asked her to move in with him, this house was massive! Even her hoofsteps echoed in the empty house as she made her way down the stairs after cleaning herself up after work. She only had to wait for a day more and he would come back home.

She didn't know why it was that she missed him so much. After thinking about it, it was probably because this is the longest time apart they had spent after becoming an item.

A knock on the door drew her attention away from her sulking and she trotted over, then unlocked the door and opened it. On the other side stood Twilight Sparkle and Spike. Strawberry smiled and moved away from the door and allowed them inside. Twilight had come over every evening, as if on a schedule and that had allowed the two unicorns to bond more over time.

In its core, it was two nerds bonding over book series.

“Hey, Twi! And hello to you too, Spike!” Strawberry closed the door after them.

“Hello!” Twilight smiled and levitated her saddlebags off her. “I brought the books I told you about!” She continued. “It's the newest ones in the series and a spin-off!”

Strawberry squealed. “Oh my gosh, I hope they're as good as I heard they were!” She hopped in place and the three walked into the living room.

Twilight placed the books in order on the table and Spike groaned. “Really?” He asked. “Are you two just gonna read again and freak out over small details?”

Two sets of eyes drilled holes in the little drake who immediately felt very uncomfortable. Thinking quickly, he decided to change the subject. “A-anyway, I got this letter from Jay!” Spike handed over the letter to Strawberry who blushed and read it.

“He says everything is going fine and that he has some big news to share when he comes home. He also says that he'll get home around midday tomorrow.”

Strawberry smiled. She really couldn't wait.

The bars slammed shut in front of the three ponies and the human sitting in the cell.

“Well, there goes my career...” Dex moaned, rubbing his eyes.

Lucky patted his shoulder, easing a grin. “Don't worry, son! I have a friend working to set this right as we speak.”

Prince Blueblood winced as the lock latched shut and they were left in the poorly lit cell. “Once my aunts find out about this I am undeniably, absolutely screwed.”

Jay sat down on his bunk and scratched his right arm. “I just don't know what went wrong.”

Everypony turned to him and glared death at the human.

“What?”

Ch. 27 - HORSIE JAIL BLUES

Author's Note

I had a lot of fun writing this chapter.

Ch. 27 - HORSIE JAIL BLUES

Strawberry was not mad.

Oh no, she was much more than that. She was jaw-clenching, vein-popping, near aneurysm furious. She waited at the train station for hours. The late midday train from Manehattan came, but no sign of Jay anywhere. She was later told that he, along with her grandfather, the prince and a work colleague had gotten arrested and was put in jail.

So no, she was not mad at all. She had called a day off from work, taken the next train to Manehattan and was currently making her way to the station where her idiot boyfriend was being detained.

Ponies took one look at her expression then quickly got out of her way, even some downtown thugs had seen the fury written on her face and ran away with their tails tucked between their legs. Her jaw was clenched when she opened the door to the station with her magic and walked inside like she owned the place.

Not caring about taking a seat and wait for her turn, she walked straight up to the reception desk. The stallion behind it was turned around and talking to a co-worker, laughing about something she didn't hear. His ear flicked and he turned around with a smile that faltered slightly when he saw her expression.

“Hello, I'm here to pick up my boyfriend. I heard he was being held here?” She spoke through gritted teeth.

“Uh...” The poor stallion gulped, then looked down and flicked through a few papers. “Is this him?” He held up a paper with a picture of a green unicorn with slanted glasses and an expression as if he had given up on life.

“No, not him. The weird, tall one.”

"Really?" The stallion flinched as a fire blazed in the small, pudgy unicorn's eyes. He was not a coward by any means and had seen many things in his line of work, but this mare promised pain and suffering deeper than the pits of Tartarus.

He quickly flipped through the papers again and brought another paper for her to look at.

Jay was staring at the camera, smirking and making a finger gun gesture with both hands. There was a sizeable bruise just underneath his left eye which made him have to close it. The white shirt he was wearing was torn in odd places and his tie was barely hanging on. Her eyes went down to where his charges were.

Public intoxication, public indecency, two charges of obstruction, violence against an officer and another two charges of public misdemeanor.

She could feel the vein straining against her forehead as her jaw clenched even further, grinding her teeth. Oh, he was going to sleep in the couch for at least three weeks...

“He walked into the town zoo and attempted to break into the manticore compound because he, and I quote 'wanted to pet the kitties'.” The stallion behind the desk chuckled.

“Can I get him out today on bail?” Strawberry asked, glancing up at him with a sweet smile.

“Oooh, that's gonna cost ya...” The stallion retrieved another paper from behind the desk. “To be honest, this case is more of a slap on the wrist on him.” He shook his head. “Equestrian law states that creatures that aren't brought up to speed on our law and rules get a much more lenient punishment or a hefty fine.” He slid the paper over to Strawberry.

“Fifty thousand bits?” She confirmed with the stallion, he nodded. She was lucky that before Jay had left, he left her with much more bits than necessary so she could cover this easily. She levitated her saddlebags forward and slid over five ten-thousand bits to him.

The stallion retrieved the bits and started doing paperwork. Strawberry sighed and turned her head slightly to the door when she heard it open.

“Strawberry, dear! Is that you?!”

She whirled around completely and in the first time in the last twelve hours a genuine smile formed on her face. “Grandma!” She trotted over to the older mare.

Her mane was a rich, slightly faded with age navy-blue that was curled slightly, running down her neck and a horn poking through on her head. Her teal eyes sparkled, some noticeable wrinkles were under her eyes. Her coat was a pale royal blue. The two joined in a tight hug before the older mare released her and looked her over.

“What are you doing here?” Strawberry asked, slightly surprised.

“Oh, I'm here to pick up your grandfather...” She said with a rather sour expression. “He's in a world of trouble once I get my hooves on him, I promise you... So what about you?! Here to pick up your half?”

“I came here all the way from Ponyville to get Jay out...” Strawberry shook her head. “He can expect to sleep on the couch for at least a month for making me travel all this way...”

Azure giggled. “I met him already, Lucky brought him over after work were he joined us for dinner and stayed the night.” She laughed at a memory “He is quite the character. He spent his first hour barely moving and was so nervous he barely spoke...” Azure leaned forward and smirked. In a much quieter voice, she whispered. “He is rather... exotic, isn't he? What's he like?”

Strawberry's head jolted back and a furious blush spread on her cheeks. “Grandma! Don't say that...”

“Miss?” The stallion from the desk called. She turned around. “The paperwork is ready.” His eyes roamed over to the other mare. “Ah, miss Azure! I already finished your papers as usual!” The stallion rounded the desk and began walking to a heavy, iron door.

“Let's go and get them, shall we?” He held a foreleg to the door. The mares followed him and the door creaked open.

They walked in silence down a few hallways, then turned left sharply and down a small set of stairs. Strawberry's ears fell a little. Was this where Jay had spent the last day and a half? How was he feeling? What if he had a relapse and was feeling worse than ever? Without noticing it, she sped up her walk. Azure noticed her granddaughter walking faster and smiled.

They heard the sound of raised voices and a harmonica. The closer they came, Strawberry was able to pick out that most of the loud talking was done by Jay.

A poorly made harmonica solo that was supposed to be blues sounded. “I'm caught in horsie jail!” Jay yelled and another bad solo sounded. “They caught me and put me in a cell!” And another harmonica riff, but this was much louder and way out of tune.

“Jay I swear if you do that one more time I will cram it down your God damn throat!” A voice that Strawberry didn't recognize called out.

There was silence, then another harmonica solo out of nowhere. “I'm gonna die in horsie...” A very quick harmonica riff. “JAAI-GAHK”

They rounded the last corner. Strawberry spotted Jay sitting on a bunk with his shirt off, a hand in his mouth. He pulled out a spit covered harmonica and it clanged to the floor. The same pony that was on the paper she was first shown was glaring daggers at him with his magic flaring.

Lucky was reclined in a bunk on the other side, his forehooves underneath his head as he rested his eyes. “Boys, behave...”

Strawberry cleared her throat and tapped a forehoof to the ground, glaring absolute death at the human who was coughing. He turned his head and froze. His pupils shrank to barely visible pricks.

“Uh... Hi babe?” He laughed nervously. Lucky's eyes shot open and he sat up, staring at Azure glaring at him.

“Hello, dear...” Lucky started sweating bullets. “Are you here to get me out..?”

Azure fumed. "Oh, I will! And you will wish I left you in there once I get my hooves on you, mister!" Her horn sparked ominously in a dark blue aura. Lucky gulped.

Jay wasn't doing much better, Strawberry was still glaring at him. She slowly raised an eyebrow when she stopped tapping a hoof to the floor.

“Well?” She said with a huff. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

Jay's eyes flicked to Lucky in a snap, then back at her. “I'm so, so sorry that I made you come all the way out here... I fucked up big time, right?” Once his rant finished, he raised a finger slowly and pointed at Lucky. “...Would you believe me if I said he started it?”

“We would.” Azure and Strawberry said at the same time in sync. Lucky momentarily turned his glare to the human.

“Traitor...”

Azure rolled his eyes, then turned to Poindexter. “Dex, dear?” She said softly. “I know you have no part in this and was merely caught on so you are free to go. I talked to the nice officer and it's all set! Same with Prince Blueblood, which is why he left so quickly!”

“Really?” He jumped to his hooves and hurried to the cell door. The stallion who had been silently standing next to the mares opened it and left it open. Dex quickly thanked Azure, then left just as fast.

Lucky and Jay shared a glance, then turned around, Jay leaned down and whispered. “You know, I think we're safer in here...”

Lucky shook his head. “You're right, but as much as I love staying here the prince only excused me for today and my wife looks just about ready to come in here and drag me out by the tail... Or worse...” The two turned back to the mares who were both looking increasingly angry once again.

“Alright then... In three?” Jay grabbed his shirt and put it on. Lucky nodded.

They turned around and walked out from the cell. Jay rolled up his sleeves, tightened his tie and stopped in front of Strawberry. She was staring up at him, attempting to look mad. Her quivering lower lip only betrayed her feelings. Jay crouched down and grunted.

He held out his arms. "I'm really sorry. I mean it. I didn't mean to make you worry and I definitely didn't plan any of this, I swear..." Strawberry walked closer to him, then rested her forehead on the right side of his chest, careful not to poke him with her horn.

She sniffled. “...I'm still mad at you.” She rubbed her head to him. He closed his arms around her and gave her a tight hug.

“I know...” He sighed. “Let's go home, yeah?” He thumbed toward her grandparents. “I got my stuff stashed in their chariot and I'm sure your grandma took it here?”

"That I did. There were a black bag and a rather stylish black suit jacket there." Azure looked up from holding her husband in a headlock, giving the two a sweet smile. "Now go on, get out of here so you don't miss your train! Be sure to grab a bite to eat, though!"

Jay and Strawberry separated, then started walking away from the jail cells and back into the main part of the station.

“Ow, ow! Uncle! Uncle!”

Jay smirked as he heard Lucky's shouts of pain. The sounds were deafened when they came to the giant door and passed through.

They made their way to the chariot being guarded by a large earth pony. He nodded to them both and opened the storage compartment. Jay took his things and the two were off to walk to the train station

Jay allowed a small smile to grace his features. Finally, he was able to get out of that cell. He couldn't wait to get home and get a good night's sleep on his own bed instead of that shitty bunk bed.

“Just so you know, you're sleeping on the couch for a month.” Strawberry said, not looking up at him.

His smile faded.

Ch. 28 - Homecoming

Author's Note

Sorry for the wait, been writing on other things and work is being a dummy.

Ch. 28 - Homecoming

Once we finally got back to Ponyville later that night, Strawberry and I were making our way back to the house. I had a hard time keeping my eyes open and were nearly dragging my feet behind me. I yawned and stretched my arms, rolling my shoulders once finished. I jammed my hands down in my pockets and glanced down at Strawberry who had been giving me the silent treatment.

“So, Twilight's at the house?”

“She came over before I left and I explained the situation.” She adjusted her saddlebags. “She didn't look very happy but she told me that she'd keep an eye on things.”

'Crap.'

I nodded and we kept walking through town. There were a scarce few ponies here and there, most of them were probably making their way home or just late night walks. Eventually, we came to the house. I opened the gate and waited for Strawberry to pass before I followed her.

“So what was the good news you wanted to tell me?” She asked when I fished the key out of my pocket and unlocked the door.

I yawned. “Let's go inside, I'll tell Twi at the same time so I don't have to run around and tell everyone.” We stepped into the house and I threw my suit jacket over a coat hanger and sighed. “Feels great to be back home...”

I glanced to the right wing and saw the lights on in the right wing where the living room was. I placed my bag next to the staircase and walked over. Strawberry excused herself and walked upstairs. I heard murmuring coming from the living room and walked over. I heard voices and I stopped before entering, staying in the dark.

“So Twilight,” Rarity paused for a few seconds and I heard a glass clink to the table. “what do you think of Jay's relationship with Strawberry?”

Huh. Gossip.

"Well... I think it was a little fast for her to move in so quickly, but I'm sure they have their reasons so I'm not going to judge them." She also paused for what I assumed was a drink. "They seem happy together and I think she's really helping to tone down on his... More extreme behavior. As long as they're happy and enjoy each other I'm fully behind them."

They continued talking but I stopped listening, I smiled and rubbed a hand on my neck, glancing down at the floor. I mean... Shit. I know I shouldn't care about what others think about me or my relations. But knowing that the first pony I got to know more has my back in this is oddly comforting, to be honest. They eventually quieted down and I took a deep breath, then walked inside.

The ponies turned to me. I spotted Spike lying next to Twilight, fast asleep. I continued closer to the light and a sharp gasp came from Rarity when she noticed what had happened to the shirt.

"You!" She blurted out but lowered her volume as she glanced at Spike. "What have you..." She held out a foreleg at me, glaring at me. "Do you have any idea how-" She stopped and placed her foreleg pointing at me to her forehead, then counted to ten. Her hoof dropped but her glare remained.

She glanced down at the table and I followed her eyes. On the table were two glasses of red wine. The one in front of Rarity was nearly empty and Twilight's looked almost untouched. Rarity's blue aura surrounded the bottle and she connected the neck to her mouth and tilted back, chugging.

She eventually stopped and I raised an eyebrow. Honestly, that was pretty cool. She got up from the couch and walked toward me, still giving me the stink-eye. I gulped as her magic turned on again.

Her magic unbuttoned the shirt and pulled it off me. I took a step back and raised my hands. The look she gave me silenced any cheeky rebuttal I could think of.

She pulled down my head with her magic so I crouched over. With a voice that could turn boiling water into solid ice in the span of exactly three and a half seconds, she growled out.

“If you ever damage any of my work like this again, you and I will have a problem.” Her eyes narrowed. “Am I clear?”

I nodded ferociously. “Y-yeah... Crystal clear.” She glared at me for another few seconds, then sighed and let go of me. I immediately straightened my posture and took a big step back away from her.

“I'll take this back to my boutique to patch it up, pick it up in a few days.” She neatly folded it and then turned to Twilight who had been holding back a laugh at what transpired. “I'll be going home now, it is rather late after all. Goodnight, darlings!”

I waved at her when she exited the house and passed Strawberry that was walking toward me. She stared at me, then at the shirt in Rarity's grasp and rolled her eyes.

"Sorry for the trouble, Rarity... Have a good night though!" They shared a hug before the door was closed and locked again. We walked back into the living room and I slumped over on a couch. Strawberry joined me and I laid a hand over her withers.

It was quiet for a few minutes, the only sounds were some light snoring from Spike. I craned my head back and laid it on the backrest, closing my eyes. I felt a poke on my thigh and cracked my right eye open.

“What was it that you wanted to say to me and Twilight?”

Oh shit, I completely forgot... I blew some air out of my mouth and leaned forward in my seat, brushing away a few strands of hair out of my face.

"Alright so, the prince and his ponies really liked my product." I scratched my chin and a small smile grew on my face. "It will go into the main production in two weeks time and I'll be able to work from Ponyville which means that I don't have to go to Manehattan weekly, only like once a month or so."

Strawberry squeaked and launched into a hug. “Oh my gosh, I'm so happy for you!” The volume of her voice was still restricted due to the sleeping dragon but I could hear her strain to contain it. Her ears lowered a tad. “Are you sure that this is okay with Prince Blueblood though?”

I rubbed my hand on her back and her trepidation disappeared. “He suggested it, actually. He told me that it's better to work from where I'm comfortable for productivity's sake.”

Twilight smiled. She let out a quiet yawn. “I'm glad to hear that everything is working out for you, Jay.” She rolled her shoulders. “I'd recommend not getting arrested though I get a feeling you won't listen to me..." I grinned and shrugged.

“Well, as I've said before I aim to impress.” Strawberry gave me a light jab on my right shoulder. I never lost my smile.

"There's one thing that I've been thinking on, Jay..." Strawberry pursed her lips and stared down at the floor. "You didn't exactly look phased about being in that cell like it's nothing new for you..." She glanced up at me. "How so?"

I rolled my shoulders. "Oh, that's nothing fancy, really." I gathered the glasses on the table. "I was in juvie when I was fourteen."

Strawberry and Twilight shared a glance. “What's... juvie?” Twilight eventually asked.

“Juvenile detention center. Kiddie jail.” I rolled a hand before I grabbed the empty wine bottle and was about to go into the kitchen with it. I was stopped by a tug on my right pant leg.

“You were in jail... when you were fourteen?!” Strawberry snapped, staring up at me with wide eyes. I glanced over to Twilight who had equally wide eyes.

“Well, it's not exactly prison jail, it's more like secure containment. I was still a kid so we had school and a lot of free time, it was more to keep us in one place for rehabilitation and shit.” I set the things I were carrying on the table again and placed a hand on Strawberry's shoulder. “Besides, I wasn't there for long and I was released after two months.”

“What happened to put you there?” Twilight asked quietly. I sighed and bit my lip, then sat back down on the couch next to Strawberry.

"I was fourteen like I said." I knitted my hands together "I had a ...friend who was three years older than me. He came to pick me up in a car once and we went for a drive. We got pulled over by the police. Turns out that he had stolen that car and I was arrested as a suspect for assisting in grand theft auto." On their confused faces, I realized they had no idea what a car is. "Before you ask, a car is like a self-propelling chariot that can go much faster and usually made of metal and plastics."

“I was arrested, so was he.” I shrugged. “Didn't see him much after that and couple of years later I heard he got killed in a drug deal gone bad. Nothing lost, really. That's all in the past and I've moved forward.” Strawberry pressed her head to my right arm. I glanced up at the clock.

"It's getting really late, Twilight." I gestured at the clock. "You and Spike should start heading home unless you want to stay in a guest room?"

She shook her head. "N-no, I'll... I'll walk home." She stood up from her seat and gently levitated Spike to her back. He groaned, then stretched his arms around her neck and continued snoring. I separated from Strawberry and walked her to the door, unlocking it.

“Thanks for keeping an eye on things on such a short notice when we were gone, Twi. I really appreciate it.” I smiled at her and leaned at the doorframe after she had passed.

“No problem, if you need help with anything just let me know and I'll come over...” She looked up at me as if she was searching for something or looking for something to say. “See you around, Jay.”

“Later.” I waved, once she had walked a fair bit down the path I closed the door and locked it for the last time tonight.

I turned back to the living room and Strawberry came out carrying the glasses and the bottle. She levitated it into the kitchen. When she was finished, she walked over to me and jumped up at me, placing her forelegs on my stomach as a brace and leaned close.

“Are you sure you're fine after talking about that?” She asked hesitantly. I craned my head down and kissed her.

“I'm sure, don't worry.” I ran a hand through her hair. “That was ten years ago and it really wasn't as bad as it sounds. I've recovered from it but it never was a big deal.” I kissed her again. “I promise.”

"Okay..." She rested her head to my chest and we stayed like that for a minute.

“You should head up to bed.”

She sighed and dropped to the floor, pouting up at me. “Don't keep me waiting...” She turned around and walked to the staircase, dragging her tail down my leg.

Looks like I get to dodge sleeping on the couch, after all...

-One month later-

Eventually, days turned to weeks and said weeks turned to a month. Things progressed smoothly, the backscratcher had released in major cities and it was the new hot thing, apparently. I requested two custom orders from the factory for the princesses and I would receive them at any moment.

I leaned back in my office chair, scratching my scalp with my eyes closed. I glanced over at the clock and saw that it was nearing lunchtime. I left the office and walked down the stairs. I glanced outside for a second and kept walking.

I froze.

I walked back slowly... And looked up.

“Strawberry?!” I shouted.

“Yeah?” I heard her shout back from somewhere in the house.

"There are clumps of lands floating in the air outside, the sky is pink and the sun is freaking out!" I was quiet for a few seconds. "Did you put anything in my coffee?"

“Of course not, why would I?” She said as she rounded a corner and joined me by the window. She gasped. “Oh no... It's Discord again!” I furrowed my brows and coughed.

“...Who?”

“He's a spirit of disharmony and chaos that messes up nature and ponies because he dislikes harmony... Or so I've heard...” She looked genuinely scared. “And since it looks this bad... He must be close.”

“Babe?” My gaze hardened as I reached for the door.

“What is it?” She stared at my hand as I went to turn the handle.

“Get me my baseball bat.”

Ch. 29 - Batter Up!

The more I make my way through town, climbing up some stupid incline and ease myself down a sudden slope, the more I realize that this Discord guy is either three years old or severely mentally challenged. I mean, cotton candy clouds? Chocolate rain? This isn't chaos, this is just the collective dream of an entire preschool. I look around and see ponies genuinely panicking about this as if they're screaming about the end times or some shit.

Did I mention that the sadistic fuck made all the roads covered in soap? 'Cause boy howdy, this sure is not fun at all. I had slipped and fallen over several times. Sometimes several times in a row when I was trying to get balanced on my feet.

My grip on the maple bat in my right hand tightened. I swung it around gently. It was well-balanced and felt really good in my hand. I might have... commissioned it from Artisan for home defense use.

Hey, it might be needed and I'm using it right now! I started whistling as I twirled it in my hand. On my next step, my left foot slipped and down I went again. I sighed and stood up, bracing myself on the bat. I felt my right eye twitch.

My attention was drawn as I heard panicked whispers from my side.

“Get the kids inside, Discord has been seen in the park!” I glanced over and saw Mr. Cake guide his wife inside Sugarcube Corner. His eyes met mine. “Hey, you!”

“Yeah?” I said, finally righting myself completely.

“It's not safe to be out there!” He shook his head. “I know what happened between us but this is dangerous!”

I walked over to a patch of grass to avoid standing on the road. “Well, if you remember, I am also dangerous.” I rested the bat on my shoulder and kept walking down next to the road, heading toward the park and continued whistling. I was just about to head into the park when I saw a gray pegasus mare with a blonde mane pacing in a circle, glancing up at a patch of land that was about seven feet in the air. I then heard a cry coming from above.

I glanced at the entrance to the park, then to the mare.

I sighed. "Fuck..." I walked carefully across the soap-laden road to her. "Any problems?" I glanced up. The mare turned to me with wide eyes. What stood out to me was that one of her eyes was a little lop-sided.

“My filly is up there!” She pointed at the floating patch. “She's a unicorn and I fell over and hurt my wing when the soap appeared so I can't fly up there and there's nopony around to help me!” She rambled on in a massive run-on sentence. I glanced up, then at a nearby picnic table. I blew some air out of my mouth and handed her the bat.

“Hold this for a sec.” I walked over carefully to the table and dragged it over, the soap actually helped for once. I looked around again and spotted a barrel nearby. Bringing it over, I hefted it up on the table and climbed up.

I looked over the edge and spotted a small unicorn filly huddled in the middle, staring at me with wide eyes.

“Hey, I'm here to help you, your mom is down here with me and she's worried sick.” I motioned at her to come closer “Come over here...”

She glanced down at my hands, then looked deep into my eyes. Carefully she started walking toward me. Once she was close enough, I grabbed her and lifted her up. She immediately tensed. I brought her close to my chest and climbed back down slowly. Once we reached solid ground, I put her down on the ground and the filly ran over to her mother. Hugs were shared between them and I retrieved the bat and pushed away from the table with a gentle kick and it slid away.

“Thank you for the help!” The pegasus mare smiled up at me with tears lining her eyes. I shrugged.

“Was nothing, now get inside somewhere.” I thumbed to some houses behind me and there were other ponies waving the two over. They made their way across the road to safety and I resumed my trek to the park.

I heard a deep laugh and frowned, time to get serious.

I once again slipped and gracefully landed on my nose. Alright. That's fucking it.

-Third person switch-

Twilight looked around, panic seeping into her veins. Everything around her looked like memories that she never wanted to see ever again. Her skin itched and a weight was in her chest. What if it fails again like it did before?

Applejack had problems restraining Rainbow Dash who she had to constantly remind that it wasn't worth it; they had their respective elements to use on him after all. Pinkie and Rarity's faces were set in grim determination. They knew that this would happen and it was nothing new. Go in, defeat evil, get out. Nothing new, right?

Fluttershy chewed her lip. Everything was going so well until Discord got bored and frustrated with her friends. She knew that there was some good in him, the question was where? Discord was laughing maniacally as Twilight's horn lit up and the six mares started feeling the strange sensation of the harmonic magic spreading in their veins.

It halted as quickly as it began as a loud, raspy male voice shattered the silence.

“Hey, asshole!”

All seven turned to the newest addition.

Jay was walking at them, holding a bat in his right hand and pointing the end of it at Discord. “Are you the motherfucker that's been causing all of this bullshit?!”

Jay was covered in soap suds, there were bruises on his arms and a small cut underneath his left eye. Dark bags were underneath his eyes who were glaring at the draconequus and what looked like a snarl forming on his lips.

"Oh, and what's this?" Discord smiled and levitated over to the human. "I haven't seen anything like you before!” He twirled around Jay who never let him out of his sights.

Jay's eyes narrowed and he tapped the bat to his open left palm. “Same to you, I've seen a lot of things but never such an ugly patchwork son of a bitch like you.”

“Hey, that's my physical appearance...” Discord murmured. The ponies were madly gesturing at Jay to stop whatever he was doing. “Anyway, I was quite busy here so you can leave now and go hang from a tree or something.” Discord turned around and waved a talon, dismissing him. Jay gritted his teeth and his muscles clenched.

All six ponies facehoofed simultaneously. They knew what was coming from that look of the human.

“I was talking to you.” Jay walked in front of Discord and shoved him in the chest. Discord stopped and glared down at him. “Now, we can do this the easy way or my way...” Jay held the bat at Discord's chest to punctuate. “You remove whatever magic-y bullshit you did and set everything right or we're gonna have a problem here.”

Discord grinned and leaned down to Jay's face level. “Oh, no,” He clicked his tongue. “I'm not done yet.”

Jay smiled. “Is that so?”

“Ye-”

Before Discord could finish his sentence, Jay had reared back and smashed the bat in the draconeequs' abdomen. A meaty thud echoed and the girls winced. The air launched out of Discord's lungs and he crouched over, clutching his stomach from the unexpected hit.

Jay took this opportunity to adjust his grip on the bat and brought it high and slammed it back down on the top of Discord's head. He cried out in pain and switched his talons to his head and fell over from the momentum.

“Oh, that's gotta hurt...” Rainbow winced. Applejack nodded in agreement.

Jay crouched down, resting his arms on the bat. "Well, have you changed your mind?" He said casually as if they were talking about the weather. Jay glanced up at the sky to see no changes and back down to Discord to see that he was slowly getting back up. He blew a raspberry.

Jay stood back up and delivered a swift kick to Discord's stomach and he jolted and went over to his side.

“Should... Shouldn't we stop him?” Fluttershy said, wincing at the display of violence and glancing between her friends one by one.

“Maybe.” Twilight shrugged. “Jay's doing a good job of keeping him under wraps.”

“I WILL SHIT ON EVERYTHING YOU LOVE!” Jay screamed.

Twilight nodded sagely. “Yup, everything's under control.”

Discord continually yelped in pain. Apparently, being assaulted has a negative effect on being able to focus the simplest of spells. Discord clenched his jaw, ignoring every hit of the bat that kept raining down on him.

“Okay, okay! I give!” Discord yelled after a particularly hard hit on his shoulder. Twilight used her magic to stop Jay. He glanced at the bat to see it covered in a shimmering lavender aura and turned to Twilight.

"What now?" Jay asked, genuinely confused. He blinked. "Also, what's with the jewelry? Princess cosplays?"

“Jay, he agreed to turn everything back a minute ago.” Twilight released the bat and Jay wiped some sweat off his forehead and rested the bat to his right shoulder.

“Did he? Sorry, I was kinda into it...” He crouched down and poked Discord with the bat. “You alive?”

Discord sniffed. “...Yes.”

Jay nodded. “So, what about changing everything back to what it was?” Jay said with a certain edge to his tone.

Discord raised a talon with whatever strength he had left in his battered body and snapped his eagle talon and with the initial wave of magic, everything returned like it was before.

“Everything.”

Discord sighed and snapped his talon again and the statue of Celestia became normal instead of a sculpture of the giant posterior carried by said princess which left nothing to the imagination. There were children around, after all. Jay nodded and turned around to walk off, only to walk right into said princess.

Princess Celestia stared at Jay with wide eyes, the bat in his hand, then to Discord who was being tended to by Fluttershy.

“Just so you know,” Jay raised a lone finger on his left hand “he started it and I'm going home because I'm fuckin' starving.” The human left the park, walking away from confused looks and some stray cheers from the townsponies who had seen him go at it.

"Well, that happened," Celestia said once Jay rounded the corner back into town. "Say what you will, he is efficient..."

“...And ponies call me a monster...” Discord croaked, wincing as Fluttershy passed a nasty bruise.

Author's Note

Remember kids, violence solves all your problems!

Not really.

Ch. 30 - Go On Vacation, He Said... It'll Be FUN, He Said...

Author's Note

30 chapters of bullshittery!

Soon, the story will switch to the last arc which means that this story is coming to its end in about ten chapters or so, it all depends on how I decide to write/pace it. I also wrote most of this chapter at 4 in the morning so I apologize for any dumb mistakes.

Ch. 30 - Go On Vacation, He Said... It'll Be FUN, He Said...

-One week later-

Poindexter grumbled as he gathered his suitcase and the package Prince Blueblood had asked him to deliver directly to Jay in Ponyville. The train ground to a halt as he made his way out of the cabin, readying himself to leave.

“Treat it like a vacation!" He parroted, raising the pitch of his voice in a frustrated mockery of his employers' tone of voice. "It's an urgent delivery, so pack what you need and leave right away!” Dex blew a short raspberry to the amusement of a filly that was staring and overheard him and walked out to the station.

He sighed, perhaps it wouldn't be so bad to get out of the town every now and then? He had been absolutely swamped with work lately and it had begun to wear on his nerves. He would be able to let his hair down and not act twice his age like he usually did in Manehattan to be respectful against everypony he worked with as they looked to him to help them usually.

Dex levitated the items close to himself as he walked out into the township. A pleasant scent hung in the air, no stuffy offices or meetings that took a good chunk out of his time. So busy looking around, he didn't notice that he was about to cross paths with another unicorn who had her nose deep in a book.

With a grunt out of him and a surprised yelp, he accidentally dropped his suitcase and it swung open, littering the contents of it in the street. He shook his head, adjusted his glasses with his magic and muttered a curse when he noticed the carnage surrounding them.

“I'm sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going. Are you o-” Dex turned to the pony he collided with. She was also a unicorn, her coat was lavender and her mane was a darker indigo color with a purple and pink streak. “-kaaaaaaaaaaaaay...” He pushed up his jaw with his hoof. He then reached out to help her up.

She blinked and shook her head, then her purple eyes focused on him. “I'm fine, it was my fault as well. I was also not looking.” She accepted his hoof and she was pulled up to her hooves. Her eyes widened and with a quick spell, all the contents of his suitcase were gathered and placed back inside it.

“Thank you...” He patted some dust off himself, looking down at the ground. Dex bit his lip and looked around. “I'm sorry to bother you, but do you know where James Andersen's house is?”

The mare nodded. “Oh, Jay?” Dex nodded. “He lives on the other side of town, want me to show you where?”

Dex had an internal battle. If he declined, he would be able to make it through by himself quicker and find a place to stay in within the hour or so. If he accepted, an admittedly very cute mare who seemed to be just a year or so younger than him would join and make him company for a while longer.

A rather unsettling image in his head of Jay walking around, yelling at him to 'just do it' appeared. Deciding not to argue about why it was Jay, or why he was acting like a coach, Dex nodded with a smile.

“I'd like that. I'm Poindexter,” he stopped and tilted his head slightly to the right and gave her a winning smile “but you can call me Dex.”

Her cheeks burned red instantly and her entire posture seemed to stiffen for a split second.

“I-I'm Twilight. Twilight S-Sparkle.”

“Nice to meet you, Twilight.” He walked past her, lifted both the undamaged package and his suitcase, holding out a hoof for her to pass him. “Shall we?”

Twilight giggled and passed him. “We shall.”

Once they had walked through most of the town, Dex found his eyes wandering but he quickly righted himself and stared straight ahead. “So, how do you know him?”

“I was the first pony he met when he arrived the first time and the only one he really talked to before leaving.” She smiled and slowed down so they were walking side-by-side. “The second time around when the gateway closed on him, I took him in and he stayed with me for a while before moving out.”

“That's very nice of you!” Dex smiled. “I didn't know he was here before he got stuck on our world. How did that happen?”

“He was very drunk.”

“Oh, that seems to be a common theme with him...”

Twilight glanced at the stallion in the corner of her eyes. He had good posture, walking without a care in the world and from his casual usage of magic it told her that he was talented with it.

"So..." Twilight started once they reached Jay's neighborhood and loud music was heard in the distance. "How did you meet him?"

Dex sighed, then gave her a weak chuckle with a gentle shake of his head. “I work for Prince Blueblood as an assistant at Platinum Industries. I picked him up from the train station and got him situated along with joining him on various outings.” Dex then smiled at her. “I was also dragged into jail with him even though I was innocent.”

Her ears fell flat to her head. “Oh, I heard about it! I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of that!” She looked down at the ground. “He really should know better! I swear he does things like this on purpose...”

Dex laughed and patted her back. “Don't worry about it, I'm fine.” Twilight perked up and an unsure smile formed on her face. “I asked him what he was thinking and he just replied with 'I'm a fuckin' enigma, dude' complete with exaggerated hoof gestures...”

There was silence between the two until Twilight snorted and both of them started laughing. The music in the background only increased in volume the closer they came to the house. Twilight stopped next to the gate and pressed the buzzer. About a minute later, the gate slid open and the two passed.

Dex looked around with wide eyes. He had to admit, the human had a pretty good house and decent security to boot.

“Are you coming?” Twilight called from the porch, looking back at him with a crooked smile. A light blush painted his cheeks and he trotted to her, stopping beside her.

The door creaked open and Twilight walked inside followed by him.

“Hi, Strawberry!” Twilight hugged the third unicorn who eagerly returned it. “Is Jay upstairs? I walked a guest of his here.”

Strawberry glanced over at Poindexter.

“Hello, miss Strawberry.” Dex nodded respectfully with a reserved smile on his face. “I apologize for the urgency I left in the last time we met.” He held out a hoof to her and she shook it.

Twilight caught herself staring at him. He was polite and well-mannered, a complete shift from the boisterous and often violent impulses that came from the human he was here to see. Her eyes shifted once again to his cutiemark. An image of a quill lying on a scroll, of all things. She felt the temperature rising.

'Is that... Is that a checklist..?' She tore her gaze to the floor and her ears fell back. 'Unf...' She bit her lower lip.

“Twilight, are you okay?” Strawberry asked her suddenly. Twilight nearly jumped out of her coat at the sound.

“Wh-what?”

“I said that Jay is upstairs with Spike.” Strawberry had noticed the sideways glance her friend had given the stallion and had a small smile on her face. “I think they're on the balcony on the right wing, just follow the music. I'll be out back if you need anything!”

Dex retrieved a small stack of papers from his suitcase, then left it next to the door. They walked upstairs and followed the directions Strawberry had given them and followed the music. They came to an open door and heard talking.

“Aim just a little more to the left!” A younger voice called out.

“Got it, little more to the left...” Jay replied.

“That's it! Fire!” Spike yelled excitedly.

A grunt came from Jay and soon after, there was a snap and the sound of something flying away at high speeds was heard. Seconds later a yell was heard from far away with loud laughter from both Jay and Spike.

“Bullseye!” Jay gasped out between laughter. “Alright, get the next one from the gross box, I think that's Rarity over there...”

“What are you doing?” Twilight asked when she had joined them on the balcony.

On the floor, there were two baskets of water balloons and what looked like an oversized slingshot was bolted to the floorboards in front of Jay. Spike was holding a pair of binoculars. Jay was wearing a pair of baggy shorts and the same black tank top he usually wore around the house.

Both of them turned to Twilight in near panic. Both of them glanced at each other and like two foals caught stealing cookies, both of them decided by only communicating with a glance that their best course of action would be to lie.

“Oh, we were just birdwatching...” Jay said, giving Twilight his best smile.

“Birdwatching with a slingshot?” Twilight raised an eyebrow.

“Well, sometimes a bird lands here and is tired so...” Spike started but glanced at Jay to help him out. The human tapped the slingshot.

“We give them a helping hand to get back out there.” Jay grinned but the sweat on his brow caught him in his web of lies and deceit. Spike facepalmed.

“Uh-huh,” Twilight had to force herself not to giggle at the mental image of a bird being shot out of it. “and what about the water balloons?”

“...Sometimes the birds are thirsty but can't stop to drink?”

Twilight snorted and shook her head. “I know what you really did but I'll talk about this with the both of you later.” Jay and Spike gulped. “I actually came here to show a pony the way here.”

From her words, Dex who had been regarding the situation with nothing but a raised eyebrow and a few curious glances at the baby dragon stepped forward.

"Hello, Jay. I brought you the custom backscratchers you specifically ordered." Poindexter levitated the package forward. Jay snatched it from his magic with a splitting grin adorning his face. "And if you have the time, Prince Blueblood wanted me to go over a few documents with you that need signatures."

Jay glanced down at Spike who's posture slumped. Jay frowned and squatted, patting the drake's shoulder.

“Sorry bud, I know I said that we'd hang today but I just gotta do this lil' thing for work.” Jay pointed a thumb at the door. “You can go with Twilight down to the pool, I think Strawberry's there and I'll be right out.”

“Okay...” Spike sighed and left with Twilight.

Once they had left, Jay stood up and pinched the bridge of his nose with a sigh. “Right, let's head to my office so we can get this done.”

Jay and Dex walked through the second floor of the house until they came to the office. Jay opened the door and held it open for the stallion. Getting situated, Jay retrieved a pen and started reading through some of the papers with a hum.

“These are just some basic papers on patents and copyright on your design,” Dex began “the papers in the bottom are protocols from the meetings regarding your product post-launch.”

“How was the quality on the first shipments to leave the factory?” Jay asked as he started writing his signature on the papers in order.

"They were of a high standard, not a single manufacturing flaw was found on the initial two-hundred but we keep the checks running until we can manage to hold a permanent stock." Dex adjusted his glasses and smiled. "Bringing in Artisan on the overseeing helped a lot."

Jay nodded and resumed writing. They made small-talk and some back and forth banter until Jay filled out the last form and handed the completed stack to Dex. His eyes focused on the other stack of papers with protocols and sighed.

"I'll go through these on my own if you want to you can head out to the girls and Spike and let them know I'll be out shortly." Jay adjusted in his seat and began thumbing through the papers. Noticing Poindexter's hesitation, Jay chuckled. "Down the stairs, go left until you see some french doors before the kitchen."

"Thanks..." Dex smiled and left Jay to read at his own pace. Making his way down the stairs, he followed the humans' instructions and quickly found the wide-open doors. He walked outside and shielded the sun from his eyes until they were adjusted. Once he dropped his hoof, his breath caught in his throat.

Twilight was climbing out of the pool, her mane clinging to her neck and shoulders. She was looking over to Strawberry who was reclined in a sun chair with a bright smile. He took a couple of shaky steps forward and Twilight's eyes focused on him and her cheeks painted with a pink blush. He also felt a burn on his cheeks the more he stared at her. It felt like minutes.

This moment was, of course violently and quite brutally ended once a loud voice yelled from above.

“CANNONBALL!”

Rapid footsteps were heard from above and seconds later, Jay jumped from the roof covering the doorway out from the house. Time seemed to slow down for the ponies once he descended down into the deeper end of the pool.

A loud splash came from his point of impact and unfortunately for Dex, he was in prime positioning to become absolutely soaked in water. He sighed and closed his eyes. He flinched a little when the water hit him and then he heard the loud laughter from the human.

“Holy shit, I didn't think I'll actually make it!”

Strawberry's cheeks puffed and rage flashed across her eyes. “Jay, what the hay! You could have gotten hurt and now you soaked Poindexter!”

Jay was grinning as he made slow backstrokes from one side of the pool to the other. Dex only stared straight ahead with a deadpan and his mouth a thin line. A glance to his side revealed that Twilight was reacting the same way as him. With a quick spell, he retrieved a small stainless steel flask from his suitcase and twisted the top open and took a long swig.

He offered it to Twilight and she accepted it without saying anything, drinking more than he did before giving it back to him, still keeping that deadpan on her face.

“Woah, that was awesome! I also wanna try it!” Spike cheered as he swam in circles around the human.

“No you will not, that's dangerous!” Strawberry chided him. Spike frowned.

Dex shook his head and teleported the flask back to his suitcase. “Anyway, that's all I needed to do here for now.” With a spell, his coat was dry. “I'm gonna head out and see if I can find a hotel or something.”

Jay blew a raspberry. “Hotel schmotel, you can stay here! We have a couple of guest rooms in the house you can use, no charge!”

Dex glanced over at Strawberry. “Is that okay?” She nodded.

"It is, we have plenty of rooms here that go unused so you can go right ahead and pick one out." She said, turning in her chair so she could face him. "Second floor, to the left in the far end. There are some bedrooms there."

Jay got up from the pool and retrieved a towel and put it over his shoulders. “Strawberry, Spike and I are leaving for Canterlot tomorrow though. I'm gonna deliver the princesses their... Gifts and I owe both of them a trip.” He pointed at Twilight. “So I'm sorry Dex, but you're gonna have to spend a day here alone with Twilight 'cause she's gonna watch the house for us.”

“Hey!” Twilight interjected. “You asked me to do it and I'm sure Dex and I can figure out something to do together!”

The color drained from Poindexter's face. 'Oh boy...'

“Yeah, I'm sure you two can do something.” Jay gave them an evil grin. “You can do whatever as long as you don't bump uglies in the living room.” The human laughed, Strawberry spat out her drink and both Twilight and Poindexter's faces turned blood red. “At least take him out for dinner first, Twi!”

“What does 'bump uglies mean?” Spike asked, glancing up at Jay with childish innocence.

Three sets of eyes locked on Jay in burning anger. Jay sighed.

“...God dammit.”

Ch. 31 - Princess of Love-Inducing Mindcontrol

I buttoned the last button on my shirt as I walked down the stairs and went to the kitchen. I passed Strawberry on my way there and fussed her mane with my left hand, making her bat it away with a small frown.

I entered the kitchen and my eyes went to Dex who was finishing the last of his coffee, listening to Twilight drone about some stupid shit about some 'test' from Celestia. I decided not to interfere and smiled at Spike, holding out my fist for him to bump.

“So what's in those boxes you're bringing to the princesses?” Spike asked, looking at the twin satin boxes with their respective cutiemarks on them.

“A... special gift for them to show them my gratitude for letting me stay without them bothering me too much...” I grinned and patted his back. “You'll see exactly what I mean once they open them. No peeking!” I shot a look toward the clock. “Train leaves in around twenty minutes so we should start heading there.” Spike nodded.

“Twilight!” I yelled, she nearly jumped out of her seat and turned to me with a glare.

“What?!”

“I said that we're leaving now, you were too busy flexing your status as a student to royalty to notice...”

Twilight's cheeks painted with a little blush. “I was not... flexing, I was just saying that I had an important task to do that Princess Celestia asked of me.”

“Oh, an important task from Princess Celestia herself!” I put my hands on my cheeks and gasped. “Whatever could this be!” I leaned toward Dex and whispered. “You heard that? It's from Princess Celestia!”

Poindexter sighed and rolled his eyes. “Yes, I know. Just so you know, I was actually interested about it so would you mind? You have to leave for your train now anyway...” He pointed a hoof at the clock and my eyes widened. I grabbed Spike, the boxes and ran out from the kitchen.

“So like I was saying, the spell is unfinished-” I couldn't hear the rest of what she said as I barreled to the front door where Strawberry was waiting for me and Spike. He wriggled in my grip so I let him go.

She shook her head and opened the door and then we were on our way to Canterlot. We rushed through town to get to the train station, Strawberry and Spike sat down on a bench to wait while I went off to buy some tickets. I crouched down and rested my arms on the booth.

“Hello, three tickets to Canterlot, please!” I smiled at the mare working the tickets she looked up at me and her eyes widened.

She went to work and I fished some bits out of my pocket. “Oh no, I'll cover the tickets for you!”

My eyes narrowed slightly and I pursed my lips. “...Why? Not that I don't appreciate it, of course...”

“Because you helped Derpy get Dinky down from there a while ago and you beat Discord. Heck, you saved Equestria by doing that!”

I blanched and scratched my chin. “Did I? I really just beat the shit out of him...”

She nodded and smiled. “You did! Everypony here is really grateful for that!” She slid the tickets over to me and winked. “So here you go, three tickets to Canterlot free of charge!”

I took the tickets, thanked her and started walking back. I saved Equestria, huh? Wouldn't that mean I can be seen as a national hero or someshit? Man, here I thought I would get another fine for assault! The train had already arrived so we entered the train and took our seats. A couple of minutes later, the train started chugging away to our destination.

The words of the mare came back and I started tapping my fingers on the boxes. Strawberry's ear flicked and she looked up at me.

“Are you okay?” She put a hoof on my thigh.

“I'm okay, just a little cramped...” I chuckled and put a hand on her hoof. “I was just thinking about something. Remember when I slapped the shit out of that Discord dude?”

Strawberry sighed. “I do. I'm still not happy that you put yourself in danger like that...”

A great grin spread across my face. “So, apparently when I did that I saved Equestria for some bullshit reason!” I puffed out my chest and pounded it twice with a fist. “What you have here is a genuine national hero!”

Spike and Strawberry both rolled their eyes. “So? The girls saved Equestria twice and I helped save the Crystal Empire a while back...” Spike said. I deflated and gave him a defeated stare.

“Come on, dude... Let me have this just once...” I leaned back in my seat and crossed my arms. There was silence as we just decided to focus on our own things. I was fiddling with my phone, Strawberry was reading a book she brought with her and Spike was reading through a comic book.

The train ride was nothing out of the ordinary, save for some cramps in my legs from sitting in a bad way for over an hour. “Fuckin' hell, I need to buy my own train cart that I can actually sit in...” I mumbled and rolled my shoulders.

Strawberry frowned and looked up from her book. “Wouldn't that be a waste of money? You don't really travel all that much.”

“Monthly work trips to Manehattan, five hour train rides that put a number on my back.” I grinned. “I also travel to Canterlot back and forth a lot.” I gave her my best pleading smile. “Pleeeeeease?”

She sighed and facehoofed. “It's your money and you decide what to do with it, I just don't think it's a good idea...”

“Since when did I have good ideas?” Gotta start thinking about interior design! I giggled and rubbed my hands together. “I- I want a pool-table and, and a seat sized for me! Oh, and it reclines!” Strawberry rolled her eyes and her focus returned to the book.

We returned to silence for the rest of the train trip. Once we were stopping at the Canterlot station, we got out without trouble and started walking to the castle. I had a strong grip on the boxes so I wouldn't drop them with my usual luck. We received a fair share of stares once we closed in on the castle, but none of the ponies who stared at us actually said anything. Eventually, we arrived at the castle gates. I nodded at the guards and they nodded back and it was magicked open.

“The princesses told us of your arrival. They should be in the throne room, Mr. Andersen.” The one on the right said.

“Fuuuuck off, Stone, I told you to call me Jay...” I frowned at the pegasus guard who sighed.

“No can do, I'm on the clock. Head inside, we can't keep the gate open for long.” I waved a hand at him and blew a raspberry as we passed the gate with it closing behind us. We kept walking toward the castle proper, Spike waving at ponies he knew. Strawberry looked up at me.

“How do you know that guard?”

I shrugged. “He's one of the guards that held me down when I got here.”

“Oh...”

Right, let's pick up the pace and head to the throne room sooner than later.

-Third person switch-

Discord floated around leisurely inside the castle, bored out of his mind. Who knew that being reformed wasn't actually fun at all? Hell, for all he knew this might have just been some elaborate ruse for the princesses to pull a fast one on him.

He heard some commotion from below and looked down. His eyes widened and he snapped a talon to turn invisible, hiding himself at the best of his abilities.

Below, the human he knew as Jay passed him along with the baby dragon Twilight Sparkle kept and a mare he hadn't seen before. His eyes narrowed and he slithered across the ceiling, following the group as they walked toward the throne room.

Discord arched an eyebrow as the guards merely nodded then opened the doors. Who was this human? How was it that he had such an authority even though he was clearly out of this world? Discord didn't know much about how dimensional travel worked except for the basics, but this... Man was something new. Something fun that stood up even to him! For Discord, this made Jay interesting.

He hurried past the doors before they closed again and got settled in a corner, ready to spectate what would happen between him and the princesses.

Jay approached the thrones with a warm smile on his face, patiently waiting for the mare in front of him to finish talking to the princess. The alicorns' eyes flicked to him momentarily but their attention swiftly returned to the pony talking to them. Strawberry and Spike stayed close to the doors, both eager to stay out of the public eye.

He made one last check on the boxes he was carrying but his eyes widened slightly as he noticed a third alicorn standing next to Celestia and Luna. It was that other princess that he dumped out of a chair the first time he was in Canterlot. 'What was her name again..? Something starting with a C... Clarence? Ca... Cadance! That's it!'

Once his internal dialogue finished and the princesses had turned their attention to him after assisting the pony, Jay put on his best disarming smile and held out his arms.

“Princesses, how nice of you to accept me to visit you in your... humble abode!” Jay began with a chuckle and walked forward to the stairs leading up to them. Many of the ponies who hadn't seen Jay and had only heard of his antics shared looks of confusion.

“I come today with gifts to show you my gratitude of being accepted as a citizen of your fair country.” He glanced around. A lot of the ponies were staring at him in awe. “I have been working closely with your nephew, Prince Blueblood to develop and bring human products to the Equestrian market.” He held out the boxes toward Celestia and Luna. “Here, take a look...”

The sisters shared a look, not sure what brought this out of Jay. Celestia cleared her throat after the silence had begun to turn awkward. “Well Jay, you are always welcome to visit us here!” She said with the same motherly smile that everypony was used to seeing on her features. “My sister and I thank you for your kind words and gladly accept your gifts.”

Luna's blue magic surrounded the box with her cutiemark and Celestia levitated the other one to herself. Once they were close, the sisters shared another glance. They looked over at Jay who still had that kind smile, gesturing at them to go ahead.

Both of the princesses took a deep breath, then opened the boxes simultaneously.

In Luna's box, the first thing she saw was an obsidian handle adorned with metallic blue rings. A small relieved smile formed on her face, it wasn't as bad as she thought! She expected the box to pop with an explosion of confetti. On one end of the handle, it continued on to a narrower silver neck and the head of the product was covered in satin.

Celestia also smiled as she levitated hers out of the box and inspected it. It was an alabaster handle and on hers the decorative rings, along with the neck was gold. They removed the satin glove covering the end and their smiles were replaced with exasperated looks.

Jay was still standing at the bottom of the stairs, a giant grin plastered on his face.

The heads of their backscratchers were not the usual shape, they were shaped like a human hand that only had the middle finger raised gloriously. Luna's was a deep sapphire blue as Celestia's was gold, just like the other decorations.

Jay coughed in his hand, they could see him straining not to laugh from the twinkle in his eyes. In the back of the room, Strawberry stared ahead in mute horror. Jay had shown her and explained some meanings of what humans did to just communicate with their hands. Spike had facepalmed and was pinching the bridge of his snout with a deep sigh.

The rest of the ponies were of course completely oblivious to the meaning of that gesture and they had stomped their hooves in approval and were fawning over the designs.

“You can screw off those heads counter-clockwise and replace them with a second set that's provided in the box...” Jay walked up to the princesses and made sure to wave over a pony carrying a camera. He positioned himself between the princesses and laid his arms around them as the stallion prepared to take a picture.

Not sure what else to do, the alicorn sisters merely held up their 'gifts' and smiled at the camera. Jay smiled as the camera flashed three times and the stallion scurried off.

“You do realize that this means war, right?” Celestia whispered to him. Jay's visage darkened and he grinned at Celestia, momentarily tightening his half-hug.

“Bring it.” He said through his teeth, still smiling at the ponies staring up at him. “All this does is make things interesting...”

Cadance's ears twitched as she overheard the conversation between the human and her aunt. Her eyes wandered over him. He was certainly different from what she remembered. He had cleaned up, cut his hair and was dressed stylishly. It didn't take a genius to realize that he had received help from Twilight and her friends.

“Vengeance aside,” Celestia allowed a genuine smile to form on her face. “thank you. Your marefriend and Spike can join us at dinner later if you're interested.” She seperated herself from his arm. “We had some griffin ambassadors here earlier and we still have some meat available...”

“Say no more!” Jay grinned. “I'll be there, make sure that they make the steak rare or I'll have to slap a horse...” He walked away from the princesses and back down the stairs, waving at them.

Cadance's eyes narrowed and when her aunts weren't looking, she teleported away.

Meanwhile in the corner of the room, Discord was clutching his sides and giggling madly at the scene the human caused and with another spell, he had overheard the words shared between Celestia and him. Satisfied with what he could find out, Discord also teleported away from the room.

Once outside the throne room, Strawberry turned to Jay with anger blazing in her eyes.

“Jay! What the buck was that?!” She gestured at the now closed doors. “What were you thinking when you gave the princesses something like that?” She nearly shouted. Spike nodded in agreement with the unicorn, not happy at all.

“What? It was funny! Didn't you see the looks on their faces?!” Jay said between gasping for air from how hard he was laughing. He covered his mouth with a hand and it was reduced to giggles.

“Excuse me?”

Jay immediately stopped laughing and straightened his posture and a calm smile graced his features. He turned to the newcomer with a smile. “How can I help yo- Oh hey Princess Cadance, was it?”

Cadance giggled. “Yes, that's me!”

“Cadance!” Spike yelled and ran forward. “I haven't seen you in like, forever! How is the Crystal Empire doing?”

“Hello, Spike! The empire is doing very well, I'm just here to visit my aunts for a few days, Shining Armor is still there.” Cadance rubbed a hoof to the baby dragon's head, making him bat it away with a laugh.

Strawberry's eyes widened and her ears fell flat to her head. She bowed down so quickly that she nearly faceplanted. “I'm so sorry for not noticing you earlier, princess!”

Jay and Cadance shared a look. “It's fine, I just teleported here so there's no need for you to apologize.” She turned to Jay. “I'm sorry that this is out of the blue, but can I talk to you in private for a few minutes?”

Jay arched an eyebrow at the pink princess and glanced over at Strawberry. “Uh... Okay? I guess...” He scratched the back of his head. “Spike, show Strawberry to the gardens and I'll come there in a bit.” Spike saluted and dragged Strawberry away with him.

Once they were alone, Cadance smirked at him. “You and that mare is in a relationship, aren't you?”

Jay crossed his arms. “I am, what told you? The way she was chewing me out for doing something dumb?”

“Oh no, I could sense it. I'm the Princess of Love, after all!” She smiled up at him, her smile faltered as Jay only stared down at her with a frown and a raised eyebrow.

“Princess... of Love?” He scratched his chin. “I'm sorry, that sounds dumb as hell...”

“Wh-what?!”

“How can you rule over love?” Jay gestured with his arms. “That's a feeling, or just a really strong emotion...” He tapped a finger to his chin. “So unless you can do some freaky mind control to make ponies who hate eachother shit butterflies and love eachother out of nowhere, that really only sounds like some super freaky manipulation...”

“I...” Cadance chewed her lip. She got a sudden urge to indulge herself in the strongest liquor she could find. “I-”

She was interrupted as a group guards rushed past them, along with a unicorn wearing a silly robe ran past them as if they were being chased by a demon. The doors to the throne room slammed open and closed just as quickly.

“Sorry, you were saying?” Jay was the first one to stop staring. He started walking away and Cadance fell in step with him.

Cadance shook her head. “I just wanted to say that you seem to have bounced back nicely compared to the state you were in the first time I met you.”

Jay smiled. They had walked over to a door leading to the castle garden. He sat down on a stone bench and the princess joined him. He spotted Strawberry and Spike running around in the distance.

“Yeah... It was hard back then. Shit, if I didn't have the ponies that I do around me I don't think I'd lasted for that long.” He rolled his shoulders and leaned forward in his seat.

“I'm really thankful for everything that I have. Twilight, Spike and their friends got me on my feet. Strawberry is helping me take the steps forward that I need to take.” He smiled. “Guess after all this bullshit, I'm still a lucky guy...”

“There you are, Jay!”

Cadance and Jay turned around to spot Luna looking ragged, staring straight at Jay. Her eyes were wide and she looked almost a shade of blue paler than usual.

“What's going on? If it's about the backscratcher, it was a joke!” He raised his hands to diffuse the situation.

“No, it's nothing about that now!” Luna shook her head and affixed Jay with a near panicked stare.

“Jay... Another human has been found.”

Arc 4 - Coming Down

Arc #4

of

Bad Company

In which Jay faces a new challenge that will test him in ways he never thought possible. In the end, he might come out as a different man.

Ch. 32 - Responsibilities

Author's Note

Shorter chapter to get things rolling smoothly.

Ch. 32 - Responsibilities

Jay was silent, staring at Luna with wide eyes. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it. Opening his mouth again, he spoke a single word. "...What?"

“I said that another human has been found!” Luna urged, motioning for him to come with her. “Come with me to Celestia, she wants to talk to you.”

Jay looked back to the gardens, Strawberry was still playing around with Spike. Cadance was only staring at them with a hoof to her mouth. Jay looked down and scratched his left arm. “Alright... Let's go.”

The two walked back through the castle hallways, turning before the doors to the throne room and passed the sentries stationed before a small staircase with a door at the top. They walked in silence, Jay was deep in thought while Luna would only give him quick glances to assure herself that he was keeping up with her.

“Where... Where was that human found?” Jay asked before entering the door. Luna opened it with her magic and continued on, not looking back at him.

“Baltimare.” She said while waiting for him to enter behind her. “A coastal town in the north-east side of Equestria.”

Once inside the room, silence fell as most of the ponies looked up at him but the buzz of ponies talking to each other quickly resumed. The pair beelined to Celestia who was talking to the unicorn in the silly robe that ran past him earlier.

“We found him in the castle garden talking to our niece.” Luna said as she levitated a document over to her. Celestia nodded and motioned for Jay to join her next to a map.

"Here is Baltimare," Celestia said, pointing a hoof to a spot on the map. "The human was found wandering around in a small farming community just outside the city borders." Her hoof slid down an inch.

Jay leaned forward and put his hands on the table. He chewed his lip for a few seconds. “How did ponies react? Did he or she act hostile?”

“The guards deployed reported no issues, she came with them willingly once they told her that they were there to help her.” Luna said after finding the rapport from the local authorities. Jay sighed in relief.

“Okay... Alright,” He ran a hand through his hair “she didn't go at it like I did. Good...” His eyes alternated between the princesses as he stood back up and crossed his arms. “So... What do we do? What's the plan of action here?”

Celestia and Luna looked at him, then at each other. Celestia rounded the table so she stood next to him. Jay arched an eyebrow. "My sister and I discussed this before we came to look for you." Celestia put a hoof on his shoulder. Jay looked down at it. "We believe that the best thing to do would be that you come with us to meet the human female so she can see something familiar and..." Her ears lowered. "...Tell her about the chances of return."

Jay swatted her hoof away and turned around, putting his hands on the back of his head and walked in a slow circle. Once finished, he sighed and once again put his arms on the table and leaned forward.

“Shit, okay...” He turned to the princesses. “I'll tell her, won't be easy in any meaning of the word but... I'll try to break it to her gently...”

Luna nodded. "That's all we ask." She retrieved another paper from the table. "She's currently being kept in an infirmary in downtown Baltimare, no health problems have been found as far as we know with our very limited resources regarding to humans."

Jay tapped the table with his knuckles and straightened once again. “So, when are we leaving?”

“As soon as you're ready. A chariot is being prepared for us as we speak.”

Jay ran a hand down his face. “Shit, Strawberry and Spike are still here, though...” He crossed his arms and leaned back to the edge of the table. “We're gonna pass over Ponyville, right?” Celestia nodded. “Can we take a detour and drop them off there then?”

“Of course, that won't be a problem.” When Celestia finished her sentence, another guard walked into the room and saluted.

"Your Highnesses, your chariot is ready for departure at your leisure." He said and placed himself next to the door, waiting for them to join him.

Jay pointed toward the door. “I'll go get them, you can wait next to your throne room or something so we don't get lost.” He walked away, leaving the princess with the guards.

Once he walked down the staircase, he jammed his hands in his pockets and his gaze fell to the floor as he trudged back to the castle gardens. His heels dragged underneath him as he made no conscious effort to properly lift his feet on every step and he chewed on the inside of his cheek.

Eventually, he made it to the garden. He looked up and sighed, scanning the area for Spike and Strawberry. He saw them sitting next to a fountain just talking to each other. Strawberry was the first one to notice his arrival and her ears perked and a smile formed on her face. It quickly faded once she noticed the melancholy look on his face.

“Jay?” She got up from her seat and stopped in front of him. “Did something happen?” When Jay didn't answer and only looked down at her, she hopped up and rested her forelegs to his chest. Jay's arms instinctively closed around her. “What's going on?”

Jay sighed. “We're uh... We're gonna go back to Ponyville sooner than I expected.” His hug on her tightened. “Something came up and I gotta go with the princesses over to Baltimare for a day or so...”

Strawberry's ears fell back. “Okay, can I ask what's happening or..?”

He blew some air out of his mouth and released his grip on her. She got back down on her hooves and looked up at him curiously. Jay scratched the back of his head. "They found another human wandering around outside Baltimare and they want me to come to act as the first contact."

Strawberry and Spike gasped. “Sorry that we can't do the things I said we would...” Jay frowned. “I'll make it up to you guys once I get back, I promise.”

Spike shook his head. “Don't worry about it, dude.” He smiled. “Do what you need to, Strawberry and I understand and there's always next time.”

Jay smiled and patted a hand to the top of the baby dragon's head. “Yeah!” He jammed a thumb back to the castle entrance. “Come on, the princesses are waiting for us. We're going on a chariot ride!”

The unicorn and the dragon paled. Spike because he remembered how it went last time. Strawberry because she was reminded of his story.

“Don't worry, they won't let me fly it. I asked.”

They sighed in relief and followed the human already walking away from them.

-First person switch-

Shit, the princesses could have at least told me that they were going to let me go into the hospital alone while they wait outside. All they gave me was a piece of paper to show the guard I was following through the hospital.

We had turned right at the main artery and were walking toward another wing that seemed almost abandoned, except for a guard passing us on a patrol every now and then. This guy that was showing me the way wasn't much of a talker so I was out on my own with only my thoughts right now.

The flight here had taken six hours, the guards pulling it had to stop for a short break in some weird place that had a funny smell to it. I think it was called Amstermane or something equally horse-punny. The closer we got to our destination, or at least I thought was the place, the guards got more packed along with a nurse or two who turned to me with wide eyes and jaws dropped.

When we stopped in Ponyville, I ran in and changed out of my fancy clothes back into my beat-up jeans and a zip-up hoodie covering a navy blue t-shirt. I also took the chance to explain to a near-aneurysm Twilight why the princesses were there without a word in advance.

Changing out of the dress shoes to my sneakers were just a bonus, really.

“Here we are.” The guard eventually said. I jumped and took a step away from him.

“Holy shit, you can talk!”

He only shook his head and motioned to another hallway that had just one guard and what looked like a doctor from the robe he was wearing. I walked toward the doctor and he turned to me, he only arched an eyebrow.

“...Well, when the princesses informed us about a human specialist, I wasn't expecting another human.” He smirked. I rolled my eyes.

“Veeeeery funny. So what are we dealing with here?” I crossed my arms. “Age? All I've heard is her gender.”

“She's fifty-three, in good health from what we can tell.” He shook his head. “She's still confused and a little skittish around us so I think the best step right now for her is if you go inside alone.”

Fifty-three, huh? Shouldn't older people know better than to walk into a strange place? I decided not to think about it too hard and walked to the door.

I stared right at the unassuming white door, trying to build some courage. I shook my arms and rolled my shoulders before I reached up a hand and knocked at the door. It was silent for a few seconds before some rustling was heard from the other side.

“C-Come in?”

No.

No.

Fucking no! That voice! It fucking can't be... Why..?

I put a trembling hand to the doorknob and slowly turned it. I felt a weight in my chest heavier than ever before as I opened it. The door slowly creaked open and the grinding sound it made cut right into my ears and made me wince.

She stood there with her back turned to me. Graying brown hair, her height barely reached my shoulders. She was wearing a white blouse and pale jeans. She turned around and those hazel eyes widened.

I felt tears start to build.

This isn't fair. This isn't fucking fair! Why her?!

“J-Jay... Is that you?!”

“...Mom?”

Ch. 33 - The Divide

Author's Note

I have gone on vacation from work now so I have more free time but I'm leaving for a trip for a couple of days so I decided to push this out now rather than over a week later.

Ch. 33 - The Divide

My mouth was wide open as I took rushed steps forward in silence and before she could say anything I threw my arms around her and held her tight to me. I felt her arms tighten around me and I crouched down and put my head low to her shoulder. The stupid tears in my eyes started spilling forward slowly.

I heard her sniffle and she rubbed her head to mine. “We thought you were dead, Jay...” She choked up. “The police couldn't find you and they couldn't trace your phone!” Her grip on me tightened even further. “We had just started planning for your funeral...”

I eventually separated from her and wiped my face clean with the back of my hands. The pit in my stomach grew with every word. A low, gravelly chuckle came from my throat. "W-well, I told you that it was ha-hard to explain..."

She took a step back and looked me over, a trail of tears came from her eyes but a small smile present on her face. “You never stop to impress me with the things you get yourself pulled into, do you?”

I gave her a weak smile back. "Yeah, but getting displaced in a dimension of colorful ponies takes the cake!" We both laughed awkwardly but eventually, it got quiet again.

She sighed and sat down on the way too small bed, rubbing her arms. I took off my hoodie and gave it to her. She accepted it and quickly put it on. I sat down next to her and she leaned over and put her head on my left shoulder.

“So... Since you never came back...” Her head pressed harder to my shoulder and I could feel her start to shake lightly. “Does this mean that I'm also trapped in this place with you?”

I sighed and put my head on top of hers. “I couldn't come back because... Well, I'm guessing you could see that doctor pony having a horn?” She nodded. “That means they can use magic. I'm not talking about sleight of hand stuff that dad does, I'm talking teleporting, levitating. Magic magic.”

Her eyes widened a little but I took her continued silence as a cue to continue. “The princesses told me that from the research they did, doing dimensional travel on command is dangerous for both worlds but they have some ponies still testing things...” I shook my head a little and frowned. “Here's the kicker; they can with a ton of work but it's really dangerous.”

“...Magical pony princesses?” She eventually asked. I chuckled.

“Believe me, I know.”

We were quiet for a few more minutes, just sitting on the bed. “So for the last few months, you've been in a room like this?” I shook my head.

"No, I got my hands on some money by dumb luck and bought myself a house in a smaller town a few hours from here. A couple of weeks later I got a job leading a product line in an industry." I stood up and stretched.

“So, you just got up and kept going?” She asked as she also stood up.

I looked down at the floor and rubbed my left hand to the back of my head. “Not really... It was hard. Really hard. I was able to get back up on my feet cause I made... friends.”

I fished my phone out of my pocket and unlocked it, browsing through some images. The first one I saw was of Twilight and me. She had fallen asleep and I had found a marker and had written 'Egghead' on her forehead, posing in the photo with a thumbs up and a giant grin. "This is Twilight Sparkle, the first pony I got to know when I first arrived."

I scrolled to another picture, this one had me and Rarity. Rarity was making a duckface and I was doing a horrible rendition of it that made me look like a human thumb more than anything. “This one's Rarity, she made clothes for me. She made that hoodie I gave you.”

I paused at the next picture and coughed. Spike had taken this one, it was Rainbow and I punching each other. He had managed to capture the exact moment the hits landed somehow. My cheek was pushed in from the hit, I was biting down on my tongue with my eyes crossed. Rainbow's eyes were closed and she was gritting her teeth. I felt mom glare daggers at me.

“This is uh... Rainbow Dash. We didn't have the best of introductions...”

Note to self: Don't tell mom about the lightning hit. Not for my safety but for Rainbow's. I turned the phone to myself and slid over to the next picture and it made me stop completely. 'Strawberry...'

My face fell a little.

How will she react once I tell her about Strawberry? Will she freak out? I have to tell her though, I'm bringing mom back to Ponyville so she won't be stuck in some stale hospital room. There's no way in hell I can do that to her... I ran my hands down my face and grit my teeth. “I... Also met someone.” I started browsing faster through the image gallery as I observed her reaction.

Her eyes narrowed a little and she pursed her lips. “I'm assuming that this is a..?” I felt my heart sink and I shrunk back. I finally found the first picture I took with Strawberry. I saw several things flash across her eyes. Disbelief, anger and some disgust even...

“She is a pony, yeah... A unicorn and her name's Strawberry. She's one of the first ponies I got to know and she helped me a lot after I was told I couldn't go home.” I stopped what I was doing on my phone and looked over at her. “She's been a huge help for me... I was in a really bad spot and... and I didn't know what to do with myself.”

“She didn't leave me on my own, she picked me up when I needed it the most and I do anything I can for her.”

"So after two just months, you became involved with a pony?!" She stared up at me and crossed her arms. "Did you ever think this through about how this could affect you if you can come back to our... world ever again?"

My eyes averted from her and I rubbed my left arm. “I was told that I couldn't go home and I wanted to be able to build something with my life here...” I felt my hands start shaking. Mom's eyes softened and she walked over to me and put her hands on mine.

“I shouldn't be judgemental, you always knew what was good for you... I don't know how you've been or what you have been forced to do. It's a shock for me but...” She pulled me back into a hug. “...Do you love her?”

My cheeks flushed. “I-I do... She lives with me.”

I heard a knock on the doorframe behind us and mom peeked past me. Her eyes widened and she quickly went back to staring right at me. "Jay, there are two very big horses behind you.” I arched an eyebrow and looked over my shoulder. Celestia and Luna stood there and was staring at us, trying to look past me at mom.

“Fuck's sake, guys!” I turned around and jammed a finger at them. “First, you send me in here alone and then waltz in out of nowhere!” I crossed my arms. “Turns out that this human mare as you so eloquently said, Celestia...” I took a step to the side and mom was exposed to them. Her arm latched to mine. “Is none other than Kathleen Andersen, my mother...”

Celestia and Luna's jaws dropped. Their eyes were instantly drawn to her. After half a minute of silent staring, Celestia composed herself.

She took a slow step forward. “Well, I can certainly see the similarities between you.” She said. “I'm Princess Celestia, diarch of Equestria and this is my younger sister, Princess Luna.”

“Nice to meet you, your um... Highnesses?” Mom replied.

We began talking about what happened to bring her to Equestria. Apparently, she was cleaning my room because they were leaving it the way I left it. When she opened the closet door, she had also timed it with a dimension portal thingy. Being curious, she had passed through.

The house she arrived in was an abandoned old house though, she had walked out and she heard the door from inside close and went back inside to open it and there was nothing there. She left that house and walked for a day until she found the pony settlement where she was brought here.

After a few minutes of conversation with the princesses, mom had begun to calm down a little but she was still watching them warily. I walked past Celestia and motioned for her to come with me. She raised an eyebrow but followed me.

I led her down another hallway away from the ponies and I looked around and there wasn't a guard patrolling here. I turned around and crossed my arms. “We need to talk about this...”

“What do you me-”

I clamped her muzzle shut with a hand and brought her closer to me. I gritted my teeth. “I don't know how and I don't care about your pissy magic morals...” I snarled and brought her closer. “But we're gonna make sure that she can go home.”

I released it and Celestia wiggled her nose and sneezed. I pointed to the hallway we had just walked from. "She doesn't fucking deserve this! She worked her ass off to raise my siblings and me right!" I punched the wall closest to me and pointed a finger right at her nose.

“I can't let her stay here, I can't do that to dad! They were preparing for my fucking funeral! They thought I was dead and it would have been better that way!" I breathed heavily. "Please Celestia..." I wiped my face with the back of my hand. "Find a way for her to go back. I'll take her to Ponyville with me in the meantime..." I turned my back to the wall and slid down so I sat down against it.

“I'll notify the mages to restart their work and stabilize it.” Celestia shook her head. “I don't know how long it will take them or how it will turn out... But it's the least I can do for you.”

I ran a hand through my hair. “It's all I ask for... She really doesn't deserve to go through the same shit as I did...”

“We'll send you a letter when the spell is ready. Luna and I will participate in the research to make it quicker.” Celestia said, levitating me to my feet and brushing some dirt off my clothes. “Come, let's go and talk to your mother about all the things you did since arriving here...”

...Fuck.

-Third person switch-

The next day...

Strawberry walked through town with her head low from fatigue, she had been absolutely swamped by work and the stress was really building up. Coupled with the fact that Jay was away and not there to cheer her up with a dumb joke or just tell her that everything will be fine was also taking its toll on the mare. It was late in the evening when she was finally able to leave her work for another day. Mayor Mare had insisted that she'd go home and wouldn't take no for an answer.

Poindexter had left this morning to take a train back to Manehattan, leaving her alone in the house. Even Twilight hadn't been around much after Spike and her came back from Canterlot. Then Strawberry learned of the changes surrounding Twilight.

Her ears perked at a peculiar sound and she looked up in the sky. Her ears perked when she saw that it was a royal chariot coming down for a landing on the other side of town where the house was.

'Jay's back!' A smile broke out on her face and she started running through town, ignoring all the stares of the ponies around her.

A few minutes later, she arrived and quickly opened the gate just as the chariot flew away. She saw the familiar shape of Jay and another human standing next to him.

It was shorter than him and she wasn't able to get a better look as Jay unlocked the door and walked inside, a hand on the other human's shoulder. Her pace slowed down to a trot, then eventually a slow walk. The door closed and Strawberry waited, staring at the door before shaking her head and entering.

She heard a door on the second-floor open and voices talking.

“I'm in the room in the middle there if you need anything, make yourself comfortable. Love you.” She heard Jay say. Another voice spoke before the door closed.

Jay's heavy footsteps came back around the corner. She stared up at him as he walked downstairs, looking down at the floor. He glanced up at her. Before Strawberry could speak, she was scooped up in his arms and hugged tight.

“...It was worse than I thought.” He said, his voice muffled by her coat. “The woman was my mom, Kathleen...” He let out a shuddering breath. “The princesses are trying again to test out dimension magic.”

Strawberry's jaw dropped and she hugged him around his neck, holding him close. “Jay... I'm sorry that you have this happen to you...” She chewed on her lip. “I can't say much but I'm here for you...”

Eventually, she separated from her hug and wiggled in his grasp. His hold didn't budge. "Have you eaten anything? I was late at work and we brought in some food." Jay nodded and yawned.

He promptly did a one-eighty and walked back up the stairs, right into their bedroom. “I haven't slept at all last night, was too busy thinkin' about stuff...” He plopped down on the bed still fully clothed and let his arms drop to his side.

She leaned down and kissed him gently on the nose. “Let's get some sleep then, okay?” He scrunched his nose and she giggled.

He sighed. “Yeah...” Strawberry moved from her position and Jay took off his shirt and stared up at the ceiling before rolling over to face her. “I missed you...”

She smiled and curled up to him, taking her rightful place as the small spoon. “I missed you too...”

Then the room became silent and soon after she could hear his quiet snores as he went out like a light. Her head churned with thoughts of what would happen tomorrow when she would meet and talk to his mother who undoubtedly had questions for her to answer.

That was future Strawberry's problem, though.

Ch. 34 - Going Forward in Life, Take Two

Kathleen opened the door to the room she had been given, looking around with wide eyes. Last night she hadn't been able to get a proper look at her son's new home as she wanted to get in bed as soon as possible. She took careful steps out to the hallway, looking around.

'My word, he must be really successful...' A small smile grew on her face. She was proud of him that he had the fortitude to rebuild his life from an event such as this as she was still reeling from the fact that she was no longer in her own world. She came to the door that he had told her was his room. She turned the doorknob slowly and without making any sound, she gently cracked the door open.

Jay was lying on his side fast asleep, his forehead resting on the neck of the white unicorn mare she had been told was named Strawberry. The pony had her head angled so the end of her snout was hidden in his hair and Jay had an arm lying on top of the mare. Quiet snores came from the pair and Kathleen closed the door again without making a noise.

She put both hands on her cheeks and pulled down slowly, sighing. That was something that she would have to get used to. She had complete trust in Jay as she was his mother, she wasn't so sure about this... Pony, however. Who was she? How had she entered Jay's life? Was she some gold-digger out for his money?

Her eyes narrowed slightly as she walked down the stairs and looked around. She picked a direction and walked to the left until she came to a very nice-looking kitchen. She tapped a finger to her chin and a smile grew. Yes, she could work with this...

She began making breakfast, she found some bacon in the back of the freezer that Jay had labeled 'Fuck off Twilight'. She arched an eyebrow as she turned on the stove and retrieved some eggs from the refrigerator.

With some fiddling, she was able to get the coffee machine working. A sound coming from the stairs made her turn her head slightly from her cooking. The sound was much different from regular footsteps, much lighter with a distinct edge of it. She turned her head some more and saw Strawberry enter the kitchen with barely open eyes and some thick round glasses resting on the very tip of her muzzle.

The unicorn's light red and green mane was tied back in a loose ponytail and Kathleen's eyes widened slightly as she noticed that the mare was wearing one of Jay's t-shirts from how it sagged and was loose on the pony. Strawberry didn't look up at her, her eyes were firmly set on the fridge. She opened it with her magic and looked inside.

“Good morning.” Kathleen said.

Strawberry squeaked and jumped, hitting her head in the fridge. A container of orange juice teetered but she was quick to reach out and push it back before it fell. She mumbled a curse and pulled back, looking over at Jay's mother on the other side of the kitchen. Her glasses were now slanted and a small blush on her cheeks.

“Oh, um... Good morning!” Strawberry smiled and adjusted her glasses. A few beads of sweat went down her forehead. 'Past Strawberry isn't a nice pony...' She thought. “Did you sleep well?”

Moving the frying pan off the stove, Kathleen sighed. “I slept better than I did in that hospital, that's for sure...” She opened a few cupboards but eventually stopped as she found plates. “Is Jay on his way down?”

Strawberry nodded. “He is, he was just changing clothes.”

Kathleen leaned back toward the counter and crossed her arms, staring down at Strawberry. “So... Strawberry. Tell me about yourself. How did you and Jay meet?”

Strawberry gulped and her ears lowered as she took a seat by the table. "Well, I moved here two weeks before Jay arrived." She looked down at her hooves and bit her lip. "I come from Manehattan, I'm the youngest of five siblings..." She adjusted her glasses again. "I first met Jay in the town hall when he came to... register some things.”

Her ears lowered even further and a furious blush spread on her cheeks as she realized she would have to remake the extremely bumpy start of their relationship to be safer for work. "We met across town after that several times, went out for lunches and got talking until we decided to go further." Strawberry nodded. It would have to do for now...

Kathleen nodded and went back to plating the food, she assumed that ponies avoided meat so she added an extra slice of toast to Strawberry's plate. She started putting some bacon on Jay's plate and turned back to Strawberry.

“Watch this...” Kathleen put the first strip on the plate. “Three... Two... One...”

“Is that fuckin' bacon?!”

She smirked and Strawberry giggled. Rapid footsteps came down the steps followed by running and Jay came sliding around the corner, a manic smile on his face. He walked over to Strawberry and kissed her on the forehead, making her blush deepen. Kathleen smiled and handed over his plate.

“Yes!” He pumped a hand. “I forgot I had bacon here, had to hide it from Twi and Fluttershy...” He dug in and his mother joined after bringing them coffee. “So, what are we gonna do today?” He asked after stuffing his face, looking between his mother and girlfriend.

“I'm heading to work a little later today,” Strawberry took a sip of her coffee. “since we worked late last night we start two hours later.”

Jay nodded and smiled at his mother. “Well mom, that leaves you and me. Guess we can take a stroll through town and introduce you to some ponies I know.” He chuckled. “Twilight would have an aneurysm if I didn't bring you to her...” His eyes widened as a late thought hit him. “Oh, I forgot to ask, did she figure out what that spell did?” He asked, turning to Strawberry.

She nodded. “She did, she changed from it.”

“Changed?” Jay frowned. “How? She didn't sacrifice her friends to become some scary eldritch entity obsessed with hands, did she?”

Kathleen and Strawberry stared at him with raised eyebrows. Strawberry shook her head. “No, it's amazing actually!” She beamed. “It was a really old spell and when she figured it out, she became an alicorn!”

Jay blanched and dropped his fork. “...What.”

Strawberry nodded and stopped the fork from hitting the floor with her magic and levitated it back to the table. “She became an alicorn and she's a princess now!”

Jay laughed and patted Strawberry's shoulder. “Come on babe, don't tell me that the resident bookworm, little miss panic attack and master of I-told-you-so is a princess!”

“I'm not joking, she actually grew wings and she's a little taller even!”

"...Oh," Jay bit his lip. "Oh, God."

-First person switch-

Mom and I walked through town, a lot of ponies did double takes and stared, even more, when they saw two humans instead of just me. Strawberry had left for work so we were taking a walk while I pointed out places in town to mom. She had relaxed a little and wasn't fidgeting as much as she did around the ponies in the hospital. I guess a change of scenery works better in general...

“That weird building over there is Rarity's shop.” I pointed at the fruity boutique.

“Someone actually lives there?” Mom asked, staring at it. “I thought it was a strange art decoration...”

I nodded. “Yup, she works and lives there, never questioned why.” We continued walking until we closed in on the library.

“Is that a literal treehouse?” Mom asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, the ponies really like their puns as you might have noticed...” I started picking up the pace. “Come on, I gotta see this for myself.” I opened the door, crouched down and entered the library. Mom did the same and closed the door behind her.

Footsteps came from one of the rooms in the back and the door swung open. Spike walked through with a bunch of books in his grasp. I walked to him and took some of him. His eyes lit up.

“Oh, hey Jay!” He placed the books on the table in the middle and I did the same. “Did you meet that other human? What was it like? Did it fight ponies?!”

I laughed and patted his back. "No, why don't you ask her?" I thumbed back at mom. Spike peeked past the pile of books in front of him and stared at mom with wide eyes. They stared at each other in silence before Spike spoke up.

“She looks old...” He murmured. My face fell and I coughed. Mom's eyes flashed with anger for a split second. Spike waddled over to her and reached out his right hand to her. “Hi, I'm Spike! Nice to meet you!”

“Well, hello to you too Spike...” She looked unsure but shook his hand. “My name's Kathleen and I'm Jay's mother.”

Spike froze mid-handshake and turned to me. “Did I just call your mom old..?” He whispered loud enough for both me and mom to hear.

“You did.” Mom replied to him with a smile. “While I agree that I'm not in my prime anymore, it is rather rude to call a woman out on her age...” Her face darkened. Spike paled and gulped. Mom kept the evil eye on him for a few more seconds until her smile broke out again. “I'm kidding, Spike!”

He sighed in relief and put a hand on his chest. “I can see the similarities...” He rumbled out.

“You started it.” Mom smirked.

“Yup, you two are definitely related.”

“Aaanyway,” I began. “Before this gets out of hand, is Twilight in? I'm curious about something...”

Spike pointed at the door he had come from. “Yeah, she's in there reading up on some stuff.” He shrugged. “I don't know why she needs so many books though...”

I motioned for mom to follow me. She got behind me as I walked through the doorway. I saw Twilight sitting in the middle of the room on the floor with a bunch of books in piles around her. Her back was turned to us and she was focusing on a row of books lying in a semi-circle in front of her. She didn't notice us entering so I told mom to stop and carefully walked behind her.

Like Strawberry said, there was a pair of lavender wings on her back. I bit my tongue the closer I got to her. I squatted down behind her and tugged on both wings at the same time, opening them to their full span.

Twilight squeaked in alarm and her wings became rigid. Her horn blazed alive in a purple aura that shot off a beam of energy, crashing straight through the roof and continued straight up into the sky.

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!” I fell down flat on my back and covered my face from some falling debris.

Twilight whirled around and glared at me with a blush on her face. “Jay! What the buck was that for?! They're sensitive...” Her ears fell flat. “...And I can't really control them yet.” She looked up at her new skyline and glared back at me.

I chuckled nervously and brushed some dirt off me as I got up to my feet. “Don't worry, I'll pay for that.” I walked around her in a circle, a finger on my chin. “Huh, you did get a little taller...”

Twilight's eyes widened and her ears perked once she noticed mom staring next to the door, glaring at me. “Jay... Who's that?”

I perked up. “Oh yeah, Twilight, meet Kathleen. Mom, meet Twilight.” I flicked one of her wings a couple of times until she smacked my hand with it.

Twilight whirled around to face me. I raised an eyebrow. "Your mother was the other human?!" Her ears lowered again. "Jay... I'm sorry that this happened to both of you."

Mom waved a hand dismissingly. “It's fine, I'm slowly getting used to it.”

I shrugged. “I got Celly to reopen their dimensional magic bullshit so hopefully there's a solution that they missed the first time around.”

Mom walked further into the room, avoiding to step on books along the way. She put a hand on my shoulder. "I'm just happy that I was able to see my boy again. We thought we lost him, after all..."

Twilight smiled at the display and she gathered the books she was reading to another pile. “So, what do you think of Equestria so far Kathleen?”

Mom thumbed at her nose and sniffed. “Well, it's definitely weird. I'm kind of iffy around ponies still but I'm getting used to it.” She chuckled. “At least I have a good guide so far.”

Twilight nodded. I cleared my throat and both of them turned to me. "So... Twilight," I scratched my chin. "I was wondering since Celestia is the princess of the sun, Luna is the princess of the moon... So what are you the princess of?"

Twilight beamed and her wings spread out and an invisible breeze went through her mane dramatically. “I'm the Princess of Friendship!”

…

“What the fuck..?” I mumbled. Both mom and I sniffed in sync and then crossed our arms, narrowing our eyes at her.

“How can you be a princess of friendship?” I asked. “That's like... Almost as creepy as that Cadance chick being the princess of love, to be honest...”

“There's a princess of love too?” Mom asked. “How can you be a princess of love..?”

I shook my head and shrugged, turning to mom. “I don't know, I asked her and all I got was a blank stare just like the one she has right now.”

“Huh.” Mom blinked. “Ponies are weird...”

“Yeah, tell me about it...” I turned around. “Come on, let's go and grab some lunch.”

We left Twilight standing in the room staring at a wall with a distant look in her eyes. Before we exited the library, I heard a frustrated yell from Twilight.

“I want to be a real princess!”

Man... Ponies are really weird. Princess of friendship? Almost as stupid as being the princess of magic or something... I stretched and cracked my knuckles, looking around. “So what are we having? I know a place that usually has some fish in stock...”

“That sounds lovely, show me the way.” Mom smiled. We continued walking through town until we came to the place Strawberry and I usually go for lunch.

We ordered the food and got seated, looking around. Mom was staring down at her hands. “So, Jay...”

“What is it?” I thanked the waiter as he gave us the food. I adjusted in my seat.

“If those princesses can fix this dimensional magic,” She looked up from her hands and her eyes met mine. “will you come home with me?”

Author's Note

Big boy time for Jay, it's time to decide!

Ch. 35 - Staying True

Author's Note

Fancy new cover art commissioned from Mix-up, check him out if you're in need of one!

Sorry for the short chapter, by the way. I had a hard time getting into writing and it's better to release this now instead of holding on to it for another week.

Ch. 35 - Staying True

I stared at her for a few seconds, not saying anything. I scratched my left arm and looked down at my food, my appetite was long gone at this point. I picked up my fork and poked at the fish on the plate.

I let out a dry chuckle. “You know... If I would have been asked that a month and a half ago, I would have dropped everything I have and pack my stuff. But now..?” I sighed and laid my fork back on the table. “Finally I have something that's going my way, I can live the way I dreamed of...”

Mom's face fell and her shoulders slumped. When she didn't say anything, I continued. “I'm happy here, I know it sounds weird but... This place is nothing like back home in Reno, I can do so many new things here!” I shrugged, “And... I have someone I don't want to leave behind.”

“Look, I know it sounds insanely selfish and probably not what you wanted to hear but like you said in Baltimare, you guys thought I was dead and had probably been written off.” I put my hand on top of hers. “What do you think will happen if I come back from the dead? People will ask questions, things will be looked into more and get investigated.” I gently rubbed my thumb on her hand. “All I care about is making sure you can get home as soon as possible...”

Mom laid her other hand on top of mine, a weak smile on her face. “To be honest, I was expecting this answer. I just needed to confirm it with you...” She released my hand and I moved it away. “You do have a lot here that would be hard to let go, after all. Just remember that no matter what you do, your father and I will support you even if we aren't here with you.”

I smiled and my eyes fell back to the food. “Right, let's get to eating before this gets cold.” I cut into the fish and glanced back up at mom. “I didn't ask, but how is everyone at home?”

Mom chewed her food and looked around at the ponies surrounding us who were focusing on their lunches instead of us. "Well, your father has been busy working, as usual, Lynne has finished school and has been visiting a college in California." She wiped her mouth with a napkin. "Oh! We also got some good news from Will!"

I raised an eyebrow. “What about him? Did he get another promotion?” Mom shook her head and beamed.

“No, Liz is pregnant! You're gonna be an uncle!”

I laughed. “So he finally hit the target, took him long enough!” I took another bite of my food. Mom nodded in agreement. “So, have they thought of any names?”

Mom's smile lessened a little. “Well, it's too early to tell the gender but if it's a boy they have decided to name him James.”

My eyes widened and I blinked a few times. “I uh... Wow.” I cleared my throat. “How the hell did Will get her to agree with that? Liz and I aren't exactly on the best terms...”

“Actually, it was her suggestion.” Mom shrugged. “She thought it would be a nice gesture.”

I frowned. “She's been riding my ass for what happened at their wedding for four years, sorry that it's kind of hard for me to believe...”

Mom smirked. “Well, you did hit on both of her sisters in the span of five minutes in front of their parents. While they were both sitting at the same table.”

I threw my arms up. “Come on! They're twins and I was on the sauce!”

Mom nodded, that smirk still on her face. "Mhm, they're twins all right but one of them is a few sizes bigger than the other..."

I grumbled and shoveled some more food in my mouth, deciding not to kick that hornet's nest again. All I really remember from that night is getting a slap or two, a couple of drinks splashed on me, my dad pissing himself laughing and my brother attempting damage control with Liz screeching about how her day was ruined.

All in all, it was a pretty good night, to be honest. It was totally worth the snide remarks and banter that followed whenever we were in the same room.

We continued eating in silence, not much else was said between us and eventually, we finished our lunch. I had walked over to pay when I heard a bang from far away and a distant gasp, followed by thunderous hooffalls heading our direction. I walked back to mom who had also turned to the disturbance. I narrowed my eyes and shielded them from the sun with a hand. I saw a cloud of dust in the distance. The next thing I saw made the blood in my veins freeze.

Pinkie was running straight at us, her eyes trained on mom and a giant grin on her face.

“We have to leave, right now...” I put an arm on mom's shoulder and started walking in the opposite direction in a rush. Mom looked up at me.

“Why?” She looked over her shoulder. “Is it because of that pony right there?”

“Yup, don't make eye contact.”

I picked up the pace and went into an alley, sparing glances behind us as we went. Mom kept up with me, not asking any more questions. The alley continued through back into the main street of Ponyville. With no apparent sign of Pinkie around us, I started walking toward Rarity's shop as apparently Pinkie isn't allowed in there during work hours.

Something about a missed train and a cannon, I stopped listening to her rambling.

I swung open the door to her shop and waited for mom to enter before me and I stepped inside, taking another look around before closing the door and sighed. I turned back around just as Rarity walked into the room, staring at mom and me with a raised eyebrow.

"Long story short, another human appeared, it was my mom and the princesses are trying to find a way for her to go back home," I said as I walked over to a couch and sat down. Mom joined me, still not saying anything to Rarity as she was busy looking around the shop.

“Well, I heard from Strawberry that there was something big happening...” Rarity shook her head and smiled at mom. “Hello, I'm Rarity! I am the local fashionista, and this is my boutique! I also made the clothes that your son wear, though it took a while for him...”

Mom nodded. “He told me, I must say that you do a very good job with it!” She turned to me and gave me the stink-eye. “Back home, it was a battle to have him wear something else that wasn't torn or looked as if it had been on fire...”

I raised a finger. “To be fair, that shirt had actually been on fire once!”

Rarity and mom shared a glance with pursed lips and Rarity levitated her work glasses off herself. "So, what brought you here today? Are you in need of clothing? You didn't happen to tear that shirt again, did you?"

I waved a hand dismissingly. "Nope, was just a code pink." Rarity made an O-face.

“Oh, I see...” She turned to mom. “I'm sorry, Pinkie Pie is rather... enthusiastic about meeting someone she doesn't know. She didn't cause any problems, did she?”

“Nothing of that sort,” Mom smiled. “Jay saw her coming and he got us out of the line of fire.” Mom looked around again. “Excuse me, but would you mind if I take a look around? I have a bit of an interest in making clothes...”

Rarity's eyes twinkled. “Of course not! Here, I'll show you around and you can tell me about human trends!”

“I'd love to!”

And then they were walking off to Rarity's workroom. I sighed again and laid my head back against the rest and closed my eyes for a few seconds. Gotta think of the best route home to avoid Pinkie. Can't have her throwing a party and crowding mom with a ton of ponies out of nowhere without warning. I heard excited chattering coming from the next room over and smiled.

At least mom isn't acting as nervous as she did at first. Baby steps, I guess. Suddenly the light behind me dimmed slightly. I frowned and turned my head a little to the side.

What I saw made me nearly make a contender for the world record of bowels dropping. Pinkie was standing there with a manic grin on her face, her nose pressed against the window and her pupils were barely visible pin-pricks.

“Heeeeeere's Pinkie!”

I let out a manly shriek.

Ch. 36 - Code Pink

Author's Note

Once again, sorry for making you guys wait for this chapter, work has been beating me back into submission by waking up at 6 in the morning again. Anyhoo, this chapter really gets things moving.

Ch. 36 - Code Pink

I shot to my feet and the chattering in the other room stopped. I stared back at Pinkie on the other side of the window, holding a hand to my chest and breathing heavy.

“What was that, Jay?” I heard mom call from the other room.

“Uh... Nothing, I just got scratched by Opal! I'm fine!” I lied, making a zipping motion over my mouth to Pinkie.

“Okay, we'll come out in a bit!”

Their talking continued and I stepped toward the front door and opened it. Pinkie attempted to zip past me but I was quick enough to grab her in the scruff of her neck and lift her back outside.

“Hey, what gives! I just wanted to say hello to that other hyu-mane!” Pinkie pouted. I dropped her, she bounced and did a backflip to land on her hooves and looked at me with her lower lip sticking out.

I crossed my arms. “Nnnope, you're not going anywhere near her until I set some ground rules.” Her eyes met mine and held them for a few seconds. I slowly raised an eyebrow and her eyes averted.

“But you said that rules are meant to be broken...” She muttered.

“I did but this is different.” I glanced behind to see that the door to them was still closed. “That human? She's my mom and she's not completely used to ponies yet so she's still a bit jumpy around you guys.”

“Oooh, I get it!” Pinkie beamed and bounced to my head-level. “Can I just have a teeny tiny party then? I won't invite everypony I know, promise!”

I crossed my arms and chewed on my lip. She stared right back up at me, pouting and her lower lip quivering. She almost looked like she was about to cry. God dammit...

I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. “Oh, alright... Fuck. Okay, you can do it but I have two rules then that need to be set." I raised a finger. "One, it will be at my house." I raised a second finger. "Two, invite only the girls, Spike, and ponies that I know.”

“All of the ponies that you know?” Another giant grin split her face.

“What? No! That's not what I meant...” I glared down at her, she was just staring up at me with twinkling eyes. “Local ponies, keep it on the down-low and don't go crazy about it...”

She blew some air out of her mouth and frowned but almost immediately bounced back to the same grin as before. “Got it! I'll go and get everything set up, see you later!”

She zoomed off and left a pony-shaped cloud of dust that disappeared a few seconds after. I blinked and sighed, walking back into the store and slumping back down to the couch just as the door opened.

Mom was smiling and talking with Rarity about some detailing. I didn't have much interest so I stood back up and rolled my shoulders.

“Who were you talking to?” Mom asked after she finished talking to Rarity, she also seemed interested in knowing who was at the door.

I bit my lip. “Well... You know what I said about Pinkie really liking meeting new people?” They nodded. “She showed up at the door and I stopped her, then she talked me into letting her throw a welcome-to-Ponyville-party for you.” I scratched the back of my head. “Sorry that I wasn't able to talk her out of it, I told her to dial it down and it'll be at home though.”

Mom waved a hand dismissingly. “Don't worry, I can take it.” She smiled. “Thank you for looking after me but this will be good for me.”

“Alright, as long as you're fine with it.” I smiled and we started walking to the door.

“Besides,” Mom said as she reached for the doorknob. “How bad can it be?”

I pursed my lips and glanced back at Rarity, she met my eyes and we held it for a few seconds.

“Uh... Yeah...”

We walked back home in silence, as both of us didn't really have anything to talk about. After we left her, she said that Rarity was a nice pony and that she really liked her work. Eventually, we made it to the gate and I tapped the code.

We beelined to the door, both eager to sit down and rest for a while until we either got bored or when Strawberry came back home from work.

Whatever came first, really.

Mom walked to the kitchen. “I'm gonna get some coffee made, do you want some?”

“Sure, I'm just gonna head upstairs to the office to see if I've gotten anything from work. I'll be down in five!” I jogged up the stairs and tapped a hand on the wall as I made my way to my workplace.

I hummed, opened to door and left it open when I walked inside. I made my way around the desk to my chair and sat down, doing a twirl before settling in it. I opened a drawer and pulled out a box of matches that were enchanted or some shit.

I didn't really ask how it worked, to be honest.

I moved a candleholder holding a single, blue candle closer to myself and struck a match, lighting the candle with it. I rested my chin on a hand and tapped my fingers to the desk as I watched the candle flicker a few times until it started glowing a pale blue.

A wisp of smoke came from it and went down to the desk and a small pile of papers formed in it before the candle stopped glowing and the fire went out. I started thumbing through the pile until I noticed that there was a small letter in the middle of it. I pulled it out and looked it over. My eyes widened slightly when I saw Celestia's mark on the red wax seal.

I dumped the pile of papers on the other side of the desk and peeled the letter open and immediately started reading.

'Jay,

I'm writing to inform you that we have made a significant breakthrough in stabilizing the dimensional tether. This means that we have managed to create an artificial dimensional doorway that leads back to your world.

The only thing we're missing to connect to a specific point on your world is a stable point of reference. Once we figure that out, the portal will be ready to be put to use at your discretion.

I'm sending you a special match that will connect your magicandle to me for quicker correspondence. If you have any suggestions, please let us know.

Regards,

Princess Celestia of Equestria'

The match she mentioned was taped to the parchment. I peeled it off and twirled it in my fingers as I leaned back in my chair and released a breath I wasn't aware I was holding. I put the match back on the desk and ran my hands through my hair.

Thoughts exploded in my head, some were telling me that it was a relief that they were able to find a quick solution to this. The other thoughts were yelling at me to not tell mom so she can be with me for longer before I lose her again.

This time for good.

I didn't tell the princesses this at first but I want to make sure that no-one can come through the dimensions again after this. What if someone ends up somewhere that's not as welcoming as Equestria? What if several missing person cases could be solved just by looking around on this planet? Are there humans running around here that we don't know of? Hell, how can I know?

What would happen if a kid goes here and can't return..?

They have to sever the connection somehow after mom has gone home. I know that it would imply that there's no way back for me but I'm used to life here now. I'd take that bullet with a smile at this point.

My eyes were drawn to my phone lying partially covered by some folders and I stared at the USB-input on the bottom of it. So... If I was able to receive a call from mom after putting it on Celestia's horn for a few seconds, what can happen if I keep it on for longer?

…

I grabbed an empty parchment from a drawer and took a pen lying next to it.

'Celestia,

I might have an answer for the connection. Remember the device I put on your horn? On my world, it can be used for long-range communication which means if I manage to get a call out, you can hook on to that and stabilize.

What I need for this is a metal thimble, wiring and a roll or two of duct tape. Trust me, I kind of know what I'm doing.'

Jay.'

I rolled up the paper and tied it shut, then picked up the match that came with her letter and struck it. The flame flickered to life and the match was cased in a yellow aura that tickled my hand. I lit the candle again and shook out the burning match. I looked at it and it looked brand new as if it hadn't just been lit.

Fuckin' magic, man...

I waited for a while and the blue aura of the candle gradually shifted into gold. Once it was completely recolored, I put the letter to Celestia on it and it turned into a wisp of smoke that disappeared with a pop and the candle went out.

Mom peeked inside, then smiled and walked inside carrying two coffee mugs. “Hey,” she giggled. “why the long face?”

I groaned and put my face in the palm of my hands as she laughed and placed my mug in front of me. “How long have you been holding that one in?”

She hummed and tapped a finger to her chin. “Oh, just about since I got here.”

“Very funny.” I droned before adjusting in my seat and taking a sip of coffee. “If you have to ask, it's because of this letter right here.” I handed Celestia's letter to her and she started reading through it.

“Oh my goodness!” She exclaimed and nearly dropped her mug. “This is great news! Have you thought of a solution?”

“I think so, I sent my idea to her already. It's basically redneck science.” I said with a shrug. “I don't know if she'll think it's a good idea but it's what I got.”

“Does it include duct tape?”

“Yup.”

“Yeah, that sounds like redneck science...” She said with a smile. “I can't believe that they actually managed to do this so fast, though!” She laughed again. “This is amazing!”

“Yeah...” I parroted her and strained out a smile. “Amazing...”

Ch. 37 - Mother

To be honest, the party went well.

At least until Pinkie pulled out her party cannon in the living room and shot a live round of confetti and balloons that, unfortunately, blew out two windows somehow. I grumbled with my arms crossed and leaned further back in the train seat.

“God damn pink horse messin' up my house...”

Mom rolled her eyes and turned to me. “Honestly, Jay! That was a mistake and she apologized and promised to pay you back in full, so why are you still complaining?”

“Because I told her not to. Repeatedly.”

I swear, Rainbow riled up Pinkie on purpose to use it no matter how much Twilight and I told her not to do it and Twilight gave her a crash course on weapon safety. Pinkie's answer?

Turning the fuckin' cannon away from the crowd and firing when it was clear down-range. Suffice to say, after that my mood for an improvised party went out completely and I moved the whole thing outside.

Strawberry wasn't happy about it as well but I was a bit more vocal about it. Mom wasn't that bothered and actually thought that the cannon was interesting. Then again, after we got Celestia's letter she had been practically bouncing off the walls. Me, however?

I was, of course, happy that mom could go home and continue her life as a wife, mother and a to-be grandma, that would also mean that dad wouldn't have to go through another loss. Mom had asked me again if I was sure that I wouldn't go home with her and I told her that I couldn't do it.

But to be honest, I was starting to have second thoughts about it. Those thoughts dissipated usually when I thought of the white unicorn currently resting her head on my lap as she slept. Strawberry had insisted to come along with us to Canterlot even though I had told her that the chances of her being in the room with us when the dimension opened were slim. The cart we were in jumped suddenly and she jolted awake, blinking and rubbing her eyes with a hoof and yawned. She sat up and stretched, then turned to me.

“Are we close to Canterlot?”

I smiled and straightened out some of her fur that had been messed up. “Yeah, we're closing in on the station really soon.” She nodded and adjusted in her seat.

Silence came back, I put my left elbow on the window sill and staring outside as the incline up the mountain made the train have to slow down. I rested my chin on my fist and started tapping my right fingers on my thigh.

“What are you thinking about, Jay?” Mom said all of a sudden. I jumped slightly and turned to her.

“Nothing special, just some stuff...” I lied and put on a warm smile. She just raised an eyebrow.

“I know you, whenever you think about something that worries you, you have that look on your face and bite the nail on your left thumb.” She said in confidence.

My mouth hung open a little and I looked down at my thumb and sure enough, I had been biting on it without even noticing it myself.

“You've been doing that ever since you were nine.” She leaned forward and took my right hand in both of hers. “So what worries you?”

I bit my lip and looked away from her. “Well,” I sighed. “that this magic bullshit isn't a fluke and that it will actually work. If it doesn't work, all of their work is for nothing and we'll go home empty handed.”

And just as the train pulled over at the Canterlot station, the last time I'd ever get the chance to travel with my mom and have a family day out, I lied to her.

We finally made it to the castle, it took way longer than it had to because apparently, that stallion who took the pictures of me with the princesses worked at a bigger newspaper place and had printed my mug on their front page.

So now every single fuckin' paper had hounded their reporters to find me and get an exclusive interview with me. Suffice to say, I wasn't all too happy about it. Through some divine intervention, however, Princess Celestia had seen this coming and dispatched a squad of guards to escort us to the castle.

Good thing she did that, cause I was just about ready to start throwing punches when a pony jammed a camera in mom's face asking for a close-up.

I had my hands jammed in my pockets when we walked to the castle doors, mom was chatting up a storm with Strawberry over how the place looked. The doors swung open with the magic from the unicorn sentries placed at the entrance. I led the way to the room where I was told that mom was here. I walked up the stairs and waited at the top until mom and Strawberry were next to me. I opened the door and walked inside. Celestia turned to me and her ears perked forward.

“Hello, everyone!” She smiled. “How was your trip?”

Mom was the first one to speak. “It was very good, thank you.” She was looking around with wide eyes, taking in the architecture. “I must say, your castle is absolutely lovely!”

Celestia chuckled and walked closer to us. “Thank you, it was built by the finest workers we could find a long time ago.” She gestured with her head toward a door in the far end of the room and spread her left wing at it. “Come, we are setting up everything in that room over there.”

Strawberry and mom walked to the other room. Before Celestia could enter, I stopped her with a hand and gestured for her to move closer to me. She raised an eyebrow but did as I asked.

“Hey, so uh...” I thumbed at my nose, then ran a hand through my hair. “Listen... I've been thinking about something on this dimension portal.” I spoke quietly so mom wouldn't hear me.

“Oh?” Celestia said. “What's on your mind?”

"Once we're done here..." I chewed on my lower lip. "Can you lock the dimensions somehow? Make it so there's no contact from my world to this one and vice versa."

Her eyes widened. “What?!” She gaped. “You realize that if we do that, you have no chance of ever returning?”

I let out a frustrated groan. “Yeah, I know that!” I forced the volume of my voice down. “I thought about this for a while... I don't want to risk anyone else coming here. Those portals? They can show up anywhere.” I pointed at her with my right index finger. “There's no telling where they'll end up and no telling what kind of person will come through.”

“And on the flipside, one of your subjects or any creature in this world can go to my world." With her silence, I continued. "Back home, humans are the only sapient species. If a talking pony shows up, they'll become the hot new thing until that pony gets dissected to learn how it ticks." I sighed.

“I know what this will do, I'm not stupid.” I scratched my left arm. “I have adjusted to living here, back home I'm thought to be dead. If I return there, people will start asking uncomfortable questions and I don't want to cause trouble for anyone.” I sniffed. “Well... Y'know... Not cause more trouble. For now.”

Celestia only stared at me for a few seconds, almost as if she was scrutinizing my existence. Eventually, she sighed. “If that's what you want, I'll see what I can do once I'm connected to the leylines.” She began walking to the other room. “Come on, we have what you requested in here...”

It was a pretty big room, in the middle there was a huge chalk circle with weird scribbles in it. In the middle of the circle was a doorway with no door in it that was stabilized by a few wooden beams.

I cracked my knuckles and followed her. "All right, let's get this show on the road!" I grinned. My smile faded a little once I saw the items on the table that Celestia gestured to.

There were three rolls of duct tape, not that I'm complaining and way more wiring than I would actually need. No, what caught my eyes was what looked like a small polished steel bucket on the table. I picked it up. “What the fuck is this?” I asked no-one in particular.

"It's a thimble, as you requested," Luna said, cocking her head to the left a little. "What's wrong? Is it not up to standard?"

“This is not a thimble, this is a fuckin bucket!” I exclaimed, bringing up a finger. “Thimbles go on your fing-Oh God dammit...” I tossed it in the air and then caught it and scratched my chin. I looked down on it and then on Celestia's horn.

"Do you guys know a spell to make things smaller?" I asked the princesses. They glanced at each other, then shook their heads in unison. "Shit. Okay..." I hiked myself up on the table and sat down on it, then tapped my chin with my left index finger. "I'm gonna need a can opener or a drill and a metal saw blade."

Celestia and Luna gulped.

-Third person switch-

“Are... you sure that this is safe, Jay?” Celestia asked with wide eyes focused on the thimble that now had a hole cut in it for her horn to go through.

“Yup. Totally sure. At least seventy percent sure.” His words did nothing to calm the princess of the sun as he came closer to her with it.

The two were in a smaller connecting room that had been sound-proofed. Jay carefully put the steel item on her head, being careful not to scratch her horn with any sharp edges. "All right, looks like it fits. Just gotta secure this so it doesn't go through the roof once we start."

With that, he withdrew a roll of duct tape out of a pocket and took a length of it. He looked up at her with a frown. “Oh yeah, you guys have fur so taking it off might suck... A lot.”

He bit down on his shirt and ripped a part of the sleeve off and placed it underneath her muzzle. Celestia was sweating bullets at this point as he fastened the thimble on her head with a couple of rounds of duct tape. When he was satisfied, he ripped it off and threw the roll over his shoulder.

Last but not least, he connected some wiring on the thimble itself close to her horn on both sides with small strips of tape.

He grinned. "All right, I'm done here! Remember, if shit goes sideways I'll come in and take it off and we'll call it a day." He waved over his shoulder as he exited the room.

Alone with her thoughts and very uncomfortable, Celestia could only hope that it would work.

Jay turned to the gathered ponies and his mother with a smile as he closed the door and walked to the middle of the room where the doorway was. Grabbing the two wires currently connected to Celestia, he twirled them together before fishing out the phone from his pocket.

He turned it and saw the charger port and stuck his tongue out in concentration as he put the wires there. His grin only grew as he noticed that the screen lit up and a charger icon appeared.

“Holy fuck, it worked!” He laughed and turned to Luna. “Can you believe it?!”

“And Celestia is safe?” Luna asked, casting worried glances to the room that he had just left.

“Probably.” He shrugged. “Right, let's get this started...” He unlocked the device. “Man, this screen brightness is killing me, hang on.” He opened a menu and slid the brightness down.

“mmOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAA~”

Jay froze. Luna froze and so did everypony else in the general vicinity. Everyone turned to the door where the noise had come from, which was where Celestia currently was holed up.

A furious blush grew on everypony, but on Jay, there was only a devilish grin. "Oh, re-he-he-eally?” He slid the brightness back up slowly.

"Mmmnnnnn...Aaaaaaaaa!"

Deciding to test some limits, he quickly lowered and raised the setting with a giggle.

“Ooh Eeh Ooh... Ah Aah”

“Ting tang, walla walla bing bang!” Gasping between laughs and clutching at his stomach, he was about to change settings again before being stopped by his mother who was giving him a glare that could shatter stone. Wilting under her stare, he cleared his throat and straightened up.

“Right, let's get back to work then...”

Everypony continued their work to prepare, albeit with blushes on their faces. Strawberry stood out of the way, her forehooves planted on her face and muttering curses. Once the preparations finished, Princess Luna took a deep breath and stepped forward with her horn lit up with magic.

She lowered her head and touched the chalk lines with her horn and the floor lit up in a bright glow of magic as the circle drew power toward the doorway in the middle of it. The glow grew stronger and nearly reached the ceiling and powerful arcane winds ripped throughout the room.

The pillars of light condensed, then dropped down on the object in the middle with a shockwave of magic that nearly knocked everyone down. Jay had a hand on Kathleen to stabilize her and just as quickly as it began, it was over.

In the makeshift doorway, there was now a closed door that Jay remembered too well. The stained, off-white back on it made a smile grow on his face. With careful steps, he walked into the circle and moved closer to it.

Everyone watched him with bated breath as he brought forward his phone. One step by one, service returned to the device. He unlocked it, went to contacts and initiated a call.

Kathleen joined his side as he brought the phone to his ear. A tone could be heard from the other side, followed by a sharp gasp.

"Hello?" Jay said into the device. "No, dad! I'm not an imposter that stole this phone. Listen... No, dad... Listen." Jay pinched the bridge of his nose "Come up to my room, you know that old wardrobe that no one's been using for years? Yeah, open that door. I'll explain it to you then, it's kinda complicated."

Steps were heard coming closer to the door on the other side and it cracked open. Once it opened completely, Jay dropped the device from his head and exited the call.

“Hi, dad...” Jay gave his father a crooked smile. The man on the other side dropped his phone on the floor with a thud.

“What in the hell is...” The older man rubbed his eyes and stepped closer. “Jay, it's really you!” His eyes widened more as he noticed the person at his son's side. “Kathy? I... I thought I lost you too... Oh man, this is freaky...”

Kathleen walked closer to the door. “Dale, dear? Maybe you should sit down for a minute. The bed is right behind you.”

The older, gray-haired man had an unkempt stubble on his face and blue eyes. His physique told of a man coming up in his years but kept in shape through hard work. He took a few steps back until his legs hit the back of the bed and he slumped back, never letting his eyes wander away from his lost son.

“Okay...” Jay raised his hands. “I know that you're really freaked out right now, but I never died or neither did mom. Right now we're in another dimension but mom will pass through really soon, we're just doing some stability tests.”

“What the hell did she put in my coffee..?” He muttered. “Lynne? Lynne! Get in here right now!”

Lighter steps were heard entering the room and Dale turned his head to the newcomer. He didn't say a word, only pointed toward Jay and Kathleen. Jay crossed his arms.

“What's going on?” A younger female voice said, still walking closer. “Did you find anything in... the... closet.” Lynne turned the last corner and came face-to-face with her missing older brother.

Jay grinned. “'Sup.”

A giant grin spread on his younger sisters' face and she nearly sprinted for him. Jay's eyes widened and he held up his hands to stop her. “Woah, hold on! Don't come here, it's not safe yet!”

“What do you mean 'not safe'?” Lynne crossed her arms.

"There's some dimensional mumbo jumbo magic shit going on and I don't know how stable it is yet..." Jay explained to the best of his ability. With an answer like that, she turned her blue eyes to her mother to confirm this.

"It's true, Lynne," Kathleen said, pointing behind her with a thumb. "The princess is trying to see when it's safe for me to pass through."

“Ooo-kay?” Lynne tossed her brown hair to the side and crossed her arms. “Dimensional magic? Princesses?”

“It's a long story.” Her mother and Jay said at the same time. “I'll explain everything once I'm back home, there's a lot of things to cover.”

Jay's name was heard being called out and he turned around to face Luna. Two new sets of eyes focused on the pony princess.

Lynne squealed. “Oh my God, you're like the cutest little thing I've ever seen!”

“Err... Thank you?” Luna said, glancing curiously at the younger human with her ears perked forward.

Dale and Lynne blanched, not sure how to react to the blue talking pony.

“Jesus Christ, it can talk...” Dale muttered. “Right, I'm gonna need one hell of an explanation later...”

“Anyway...” Luna looked up at Jay again. “From our scans, the portal is now stable enough to go through.”

Jay bit his lip and nodded, then turned to his mother. He walked over to her and hugged her tight and tilted his head down so his forehead rested on the top of her head. Kathleen answered by wrapping her arms around him and brought him closer even tighter. Once they separated, Kathleen wiped a tear from her face with a thumb.

“Go on, they're waiting for you.” Jay released her and took a step away from the portal.

With cautious steps, Kathleen walked toward the door with one arm in front of her and breached the portal. It rippled from the contact as she passed through and she walked right into the waiting arms of her husband. Dale turned to Jay.

“Come on, what are you waiting for?”

Jay chuckled and shook his head. “I'm uh... Not coming now.”

"Well, why the hell not?" Dale urged. "We're right here, you have all the time in the world to come home!"

Strawberry walked closer to Jay with her ears splayed back. Jay turned to her and rested a hand on her. "It's a long story..." He bit his lip. "Some things change, some things happen and well... I'm happy here."

Dale stared at his son with steely blue eyes, then relented. "...All right. Your mother will explain everything to us and since this," He gestured at the portal. "worked, you have a way to return if you ever need it."

The magic surrounding the doorway began to flicker and Jay's smile faded, leaving only a tired look.

“...Yeah, there's always that.” More flickering surrounded him. “I'll see you guys around. Love you, tell Will about this as well.”

Dale smiled, the same tired look coming from his son made its way across his face. “Love you too, son. I'll always be proud of you, no matter what you do.” He fished something out of his left front pocket.

“I made a promise that if I ever know what happened to you, I'll stop this.” He held up a pack of cigarettes. He threw it across the portal and Jay caught it. “I'm at peace knowing that you never ran away or died, I know that you're safe now.”

Before Jay could respond, the last flicker came and the portal went out, leaving only an empty doorway and a stone wall on the other side. Jay looked down at his phone and ripped out the wiring. He turned to Princess Luna once again.

"Kill it, separate the dimensions and get your sister out of there." The expression on his face was unreadable and the tone of his voice was dull, no trace of his usual cheekiness.

Jay scratched Strawberry's withers. “I'm gonna go for a walk, you can hang out with the princesses and I'll be right back...”

Before she could protest, Jay had walked off, dragging his feet and slammed the door shut behind him.

On the other side of the room, another door was booted open and Princess Celestia walked inside.

“Dear me, that's the most relaxing thing I've experienced in centuries...”

A lit cigar was hanging from her mouth, the thimble on her head was crooked and the top of it had been blown away, leaving only a scorched and spiked husk that had a plume of smoke coming from the center of it and her horn. Once she noticed the mood of the room, she stopped.

“Did something bad happen?”

Author's Note

Ch. 38 - Echoes of a Choice

Author's Note

DOUBLE WHAMMY!

But yeah, I thought of a conversation like this between Celestia and Jay today at work and decided to churn it out as a kind-of intermission chapter.

Ch. 38 - Echoes of a Choice

Celestia hobbled through a hallway, a pleased smile still on her face. She had to thank Jay for that experience but it would be incredibly awkward for both of them. Luna had explained to her that Jay had not stayed around after the portal closed and walked away.

She was sure that he wouldn't leave the castle, as Strawberry was still with Luna. So, while on her way to her room to wash, Celestia kept an eye and an ear open for the human. Her goofy smile turned serious.

Jay had willingly sacrificed his last chance to go home, just so he could stay behind and aid in closing the connection between the two worlds. For Celestia, it spoke in depth about the character hiding inside the human, covered by his impulses and often rude mannerisms. Sure, he could go very far to prove a point but in the end, he gave up his home and his family just so that no one, human or pony, would be put in the same situation as him.

As she passed a window, her eyes were drawn to a balcony on another wing of the castle. She saw the familiar shape of Jay sitting down with his legs crossed. He suddenly stood up and walked toward the railing and leaned forward, staring straight down. He backed away and ran both of his hands over his face.

A sense of unease wracked through Celestia and focusing her magic, she vanished in a pop of golden magic. Once her sight returned, she found herself standing a fair distance away from him. Jay had turned to her with wide eyes, a hand on his chest and gasping for air.

“Please stop doing that, or at least give me some kinda warning...” He said after composing.

“I walked past and saw you here and Luna told me that you were going for a walk.” Celestia said, approaching him. Jay sat back down on the balcony and rested his chin on a closed fist. She sat down beside him and he scooched away from her a little.

“I told them that I wanted to be alone for a bit...” He grumbled. Celestia sighed and tilted her head toward him.

"Your decision was incredibly unselfish, you put the greater good as your first priority instead of leaving it at that." Celestia shook her head. "It takes a lot to do that, believe me, I know..."

“I guess...” Jay groaned. “Being the head of a country makes your choices limited. I get that.” Jay moved his hand from his face and to the floor behind him, leaning back on his arms and looking up at the sky.

“Did you know that...” Celestia bit her lip. “I once had to banish Luna to the moon to save Equestria as a whole?”

Jay went completely quiet. “...Wow, how long was she gone? Ten years? Twenty?”

Celestia blinked and turned to him with a frown. “Jay... Haven't anypony told you how old my sister and I am?” He shook his head no and turned his head to her. “Well, go ahead and guess. I won't be offended.”

Jay pursed his lips and they became a very thin line. He coughed in his elbow before answering. “Uh... You look kinda young, you don't look like you're some old lady... So... what, fourty? Fifty?”

Celestia felt a warmth spread on her cheeks and she giggled. “No, you're very far off.” Once her giggling finished, she smiled. “I am just about one thousand, nine hundred years old. Luna is seven years younger than me.”

Jay's face morphed into a deadpan. “You're shitting me, aren't you?” She shook her head. “Alright then... How?”

“I'm an alicorn, once I came of age the sun itself was bonded to me as I took over the duties of my mother.” She had to fight back another giggle at the face Jay was making. “Luna is connected to the moon, continuing the legacy of our father.”

“That's... really weird...” Jay frowned. “So, how long was she banished then?”

The joy on Celestia's face diminished and a melancholy look crossed her features. “...A thousand years.”

Jay's eyes nearly bugged out of his head. “Holy fuck...” He breathed out. He was at a loss for words and scratched his left arm. “How did you deal with it?”

Celestia sighed. “...I was lucky that I had a lot of friends with me, I had my duties to attend to but the guilt of banishing her has never left me.” She wiped her eyes with a hoof. “At first I felt like giving up but I couldn't. Ponies depended on me to lead them through this.”

“Shit, I don't even know how to respond to that...” He crossed his arms and leaned forward.

“Don't give up, I know that it will hurt and it's only the beginning.” Celestia closed her eyes. “But please, never give up on your will to keep going...”

Jay stood up. “Of course I won't fuckin' give up!” He nearly shouted at her as he started pacing back and forth in front of her. “Back in high school, there was a girl I knew who was really down in the dumps.” He stopped in front of Celestia and leaned forward. “Wanna know what I told her?”

Surprised by his sudden closeness, she nodded.

“Dying is easy. Living is the hard part.”

To prove a point, Jay climbed up on the railing of the balcony and balanced there, still staring at Celestia. “See, if I stand here like this I'm a mistake away from falling.”

To Celestia's shock, he raised a foot from the railing and started balancing.

“The only thing keeping me from falling right now is my balance, and my will not to fall.” Beginning to tilt back a little, he continued. “It would be easy for me to let go.”

Celestia grabbed him with her magic and levitated him back on the balcony floor. “See what I mean? I have a life worth living, I'm not gonna waste it away cause I feel like a human piece of shit. Everyone has bad days, no matter who you are.”

“Besides...” He shrugged. “It's not a high drop from here. I'd probably survive, but Strawberry would be the one killing me.”

“I felt like you were trying to give me an actual heart attack with that stunt...” Celestia relaxed once he was on solid ground.

“Payback.” He grinned. “Alright, let's go back to the others. I hope you still have some meat in the kitchen, 'cause I'm fuckin' starving!”

Jay walked past her in rushed steps and kicked the door back into the castle, scaring the daylights out of a maid that had just walked past it. He apologized and started walking away in the wrong direction, whistling a tune.

Celestia shook her head and chuckled, then wiped some sweat off her brow. “That's the first time in recent years anyone said I looked that young...” She mumbled. “Do I really look that old to everypony else..?”

Whatever, she had to go and get Jay on the right path before he got lost and get her cooks to make a meat dish for dinner for her guest.

Ch. 39 - Life Goes On

Author's Note

The next chapter will be the epilogue.

Ch. 39 - Life Goes On

-Two weeks later-

The sun was bearing down hard, not a single cloud in the sky could be seen in any direction. The ponies who could enjoy their day outside was doing so with great enthusiasm. The younger ponies were running about, getting into trouble and generally having a good time with their friends.

The older ponies, including the even older generation, was having a good time, hanging around with friends and loved ones on a beautiful day, just enjoying a moment of no obligations as the warm weather made any physical labor much harder than it had to be.

And frankly, Jay was getting sick of it.

He turned his glare that was hiding behind his sunglasses to the group of ponies sitting with him at the picnic table. He was resting his chin on his hand, with the elbow on the table. He began tapping his fingers on the table. The girls' ears all flicked at the sound as it became louder with every passing second.

At a final louder tap, Rarity turned to him with a frown.

“What's the matter? I feel like you've got something on your mind.” She said, becoming slightly put-off from the scowl on the humans face.

“I'm fucking bored.” He rumbled out. “There's nothing to do here and it's too fuckin' warm to really get into something.” He stood up and stretched, then pulled down his tank top. Jay stood up from his seat and began walking away. Reaching into a pocket, he pulled up a pack and withdrew a cigarette and lit it.

He left the park with that, growling out a 'fuck off' to a pony that got in his way. Strawberry sighed and rubbed her foreleg.

“Sorry girls...” She sighed. “Jay has been a little... off after his mother went home.”

Rainbow Dash snorted. “Well, if he's gonna act like that why won't he just go back as well then?”

Strawberry's ears fell. They hadn't been fully informed about his choice yet so it would have to fall to her. “Well... Long story short is that... He can't.” Everypony turned to her.

"Well, why not?!" Pinkie said, placing her forehooves on the table and leaned over it to come face-to-face with Strawberry. "If he's grumpy like that, it makes everypony else feel bad! Maybe he can bring his whole family here! Wow, what a party that would be!" She giggled at the thought.

Strawberry shook her head and then bit her lip. Here came the hard part... “He decided to use the princesses' magic to close the connection to his world and he had to stay behind for that.”

She looked around, the realization came to her friends one-by-one. "He willingly took away his chances to go home just so nopony else could be put in the same situation as him..." She sighed and stood up from her seat. "I'm gonna go check up on him, see you later..."

Strawberry trotted off in the same direction as Jay walked off in, apologizing to the same stallion that the human mouthed off to.

I took a drag from the cigarette, then blew out a puff of smoke from a corner of my mouth. To be honest, I was never a big fan of it but it reminds me of home. Dad had always been a smoker, ever since I was a kid. For him to just decide to quit like that is impressive.

Me, though? I'm doing it because it's a familiar smell of burning nicotine.

I pulled one of my hands from my pockets, grabbed the cigarette and threw it on the ground, then stomped it out on the ground beneath me. I don't know why I'm feeling like this. I feel like I have made a huge mistake but I also feel like this is the best choice I could have made. I should feel good that I helped to fix some interdimensional fuck-up before it got worse and dragged more people into this.

So... Why can't I help feeling like shit?

Not just feeling bad, it's almost like something flipped a switch inside my head and just pulled this out from underneath a carpet. Anger, regret and somehow a small bit of relief were pushed in there. Sometimes, I can sit down and take it easy only to just rave on about something not even five minutes later.

It's not just affecting me, it's starting to make an effect on Strawberry and everyone else, that's the part that's really bothering me. I can't let it go out on them, they're what I have here and it feels like I'm pushing them away, even though I hate the thought of it happening.

“Jay, are you okay?”

My internal monologue ground to a halt when I heard Strawberry call out my name. I stopped and turned around to see her walking toward me with her ears back and a worried look on her face. I scratched my chin, then smiled.

“I'm okay, sorry for snapping like that earlier. Dunno what went through me...” Seems like she didn't buy it as a frown grew on her face.

“Jay, please...” She walked closer to me. “Tell me what's wrong, I can't help you if you don't tell me.”

I scratched my arm and looked away from her and sighed. “Sometimes I... I feel like I made a mistake by staying here.” She stared up at me with her ears completely flat and tears budding in her eyes. I raised my arms.

“I get over it, it's like a passing thought... I just feel like I could have done something else than shutting my world out completely!” I moved closer to her and kneeled in front of her.

“I would never leave what I have here, I feel like it could have been a better solution somewhere but I rushed it... I wouldn't leave you, or the girls...” I sighed again and ran a hand over my face, then groaned in frustration.

“But I just feel like I fucked up real bad. It's constantly nagging in the back of my head, it's driving me crazy because I keep going through it in my head...” I stood back up and brushed some dust off my pants. “I could have done more, but I didn't... Now I blew my last chance to go home...”

She didn't say a single word, she only approached me and stood up on her back legs, then gave me a tight hug. "I think you need a change of scenery..." She eventually said after separating from me. "You've only been here, Canterlot and Manehattan a couple of times." She dropped down to her four legs. "So, what do you say? Want to go on a trip somewhere?"

I scratched my chin. “Y'know, that's actually not a bad idea...”

“Do you have anywhere in mind?”

“Well... I kinda want to go to that Crystal Empire place, maybe find some good vacation spot around the coast and do some tourist stuff somewhere? What do you think?”

Strawberry hummed, eventually a smile split her face. “Sounds good to me, I'll get everything sorted with work and we can start looking at travel options.”

I blew a raspberry. “Why don't you just quit work? I got money covered and we're working on a new product right now...”

“What? Why?!” She puffed out her cheeks. “Why should I? I really like my job.”

Beads of sweat started rolling down my forehead and my smile became strained. Her eyes narrowed instantly. “...Jay. What did you do?”

“Nothing.” I squeaked out. Her eyes narrowed even further. “Well uh... I might have... You know, sent in an application for you to work with me at Platinum Industries and since I'm a project lead at the human appliance division they accepted it immediately before I was able to ask you which led to me already...” I took a deep breath to stop my massive run-on sentence. “To already... Kinda, sorta... Dropping off your resignation letter..?”

“Jay.”

I took a slow step back away from her. “Y-yeah?”

“While I appreciate that you're looking out for me, I can deal with this myself. If you would have asked me, I would have accepted it.” She frowned. “But I don't like that you faked my signature for an official letter...”

“It uh... wasn't really official...” I scratched the back of my head with a wry grin. “It was a piece of parchment that said 'Fuck you, I quit' with your name on it and I put it right to the mayor's personal inbox...”

She grit her teeth.

-Third person-

Rarity frowned. The source of Jay's behavior the last week and a half was eating away at her. Fluttershy was walking with her on their way to the humans' home to talk to him about it. Perhaps it wouldn't do much, but they felt as if the man needed to know that he had support from both of them in this trying time for him.

They also wanted to help Strawberry, the poor unicorn looked absolutely drained when she arrived at the park and when she left to follow Jay. The duo didn't make it far until they heard rapid footsteps coming closer to them.

The ponies stopped as Jay came skidding around the corner, a panicked look on his face and he took off at a mad dash down the street past them.

“Jay?!” Rarity called after him, they heard another skidding sound behind them and saw Strawberry standing there, absolute fury written on her face.

The mare ignored them, her eyes were trained on the human and she took off running, attempting to catch up to him. “Get back here!” She yelled.

“Fuck no!” He shouted back at her.

Rarity and Fluttershy both blinked slowly, then glanced at each other. Fluttershy sighed and was the first one to speak.

“I don't want to know...”

Ch. 40 - Epilogue

A year passed, many things happened during that time and Jay met a lot of new ponies. Of course, ponies who didn't know who he was and what he was capable of were quickly made aware of the lack of filter separating his thoughts from his actions.

He made plenty of friends, thanks to the help of Twilight and Strawberry and the rest of his Ponyville... friends. Or associates, as they would prefer to be called.

One of these associates was currently locked in a staring contest with the said human. Twilight sighed, then cleared her throat.

"Will you two do anything else than glare at each other? You've been like this ever since we left Canterlot..."

Jay's frown deepened. “No. She started it and I won't stop until she apologizes.”

Starlight growled. “I told you, I won't apologize for saying that.”

Twilight tilted her head to the left. “Saying what?”

Jay gritted his teeth and his glare was renewed. “She fuckin' said that using a thimble as a connector was a bad idea! It worked and that's what matters!”

“And I also said that the magic energy required for a... thimble to be properly connected is through the roof!” Starlight said, leaning toward the human. Since Jay was not a person to ever back away from a challenge, he parroted her movements.

“You're just jealous that you didn't think of this first!”

“Am not!”

“Is too!”

“Am not!”

“Is too!”

Twilight groaned once again in frustration and facehoofed. Her horn sparked to life and a small bubble formed between the human and unicorn opposite from her that quickly grew and separated them.

“That's enough from you two,” Her eyes narrowed. “We're in Ponyville in an hour and I'd appreciate some peace and quiet.”

Jay and Starlight turned away from each other with arms crossed and huffs from both of them. Twilight sighed in relief as silence finally reigned in the cart and she was able to rest her eyes for a while.

“Twilight, Starlight is on my side of the seat!” Jay complained.

"What? No, I'm not!" Starlight Glimmer looked down at the seat and was greeted by Jay poking her on the snout.

“Ow! Twilight, Jay hit me!” She covered her snout with a groan. Jay cackled at her reaction.

Twilight's eyes snapped open, bloodshot and an unsettling glare was pointed at the two.

The train screeched to a halt at the Ponyville station, kicking up a great cloud of dust. Spike got up from his seat on the bench and stretched with a yawn. Strawberry walked up to him as the doors to the train opened.

Jay came waltzing out, whistling a jolly tune as a razzled Twilight and Starlight followed him, both with glares pointed at the human.

“Twilight! What happened?!” Spike asked, waddling toward his sister.

"Jay got into the food cart and decided to start a food fight." Twilight grumbled. At the mention of his name, Jay gave them a thumbs up and a giant shit-eating grin.

“Yup,” Jay giggled. “come on, we gotta get out of here before any guards show up!” Jay started walking away at a brisk pace away from the station, Strawberry struggling to keep up with him.

He stopped and turned around, shooting a worried glance at her. “Hey, are you okay? Any problems when I was gone?”

“Oh no, I'm fine...” She smiled as she caught up to him and nuzzled him. “Someone has just been kicking up a storm and causing problems...”

Ah yes, the result of what Jay had come to call 'The Three Ah's.'

Jay woke up one morning after spending a day with Spike and a zebra pony he forgot the name of in the Everfree forest. Once there, he had tripped and fallen in a patch of strange blue flowers.

Of course, Spike and Zecora had urged him to leave as a prolonged effect would prove to be bad for him. Jay's answer was something that was worthy to be put in a history book.

“What, these stupid flowers? Watch this!” He said after he snatched up a few and took a great big bite of them and continued to make fun of ponies for eating flowers.

Jay rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He felt something fuzzy against his face but chalked it down to falling asleep wearing his hoodie again. He rolled out of bed and instead of landing on his feet, he fell to the floor face first.

He groaned, now fully jarred awake and turned his head slightly. In the corner of his eyes, he saw a mirror and what he saw made ice form in his chest.

He was now a stallion. Temporarily.

“AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!”

That was the first 'Ah.'

The second reaction came from Strawberry as she rushed up the stairs to their shared bedroom and kicked the door open, only to see a strange stallion wearing Jay's t-shirt. The stallion was a chestnut brown and his mane was a few shades darker.

She was about to scream until she noticed the hazel eyes on the stallion and the tattoo on his right shoulder.

“...Jay?” Her face grew red instantly.

“Yeah, it's me...” Jay groaned as he rose to shaky hooves.

“H-how did this h-happen?” She had to tear her eyes away from the strained muscle on the stallion before her as Jay was attempting to stand still.

“Poison joke. Lots of it.” He coughed. “I um... Also took a bite out of it as a joke...”

Strawberry pursed her lips. “Ah.”

The third reaction was a bit later after Strawberry had given him a crash course on walking as a pony and other basic things. After reassuring him several times over that it was only temporary and that there was a cure, they managed to continue their day as normal.

At least until that evening.

Jay leaned back on the bed, his hooves beneath his head and a pleased smile on his face. An unlit cigarette hung limply in the corner of his mouth. Strawberry let out a drunken giggle and nuzzled further into his chest. Her mane was a frazzled mess but she couldn't care less about it at this moment.

“Aah...” She sighed.

“Good thing I'm not a pony, or else we would be parents by now.” Jay chuckled and closed his eyes.

A few seconds later, two sets of very wide eyes shot open in alarm.

“So, have you heard anything new from the doc today then?” Jay asked as they walked slowly side-by-side through the town.

Strawberry shook her head. “Not really, she's developing well from what we could see.”

Jay's eyes widened and he stopped in his tracks. “She?”

Strawberry giggled. “It's a little unicorn filly, they were finally able to tell!”

“Holy fuck...” Jay breathed out. “Holy fuck! Hey, Twilight and bootleg Twilight!”

“I'm not a bucking bootleg version of her!” Starlight yelled at him.

“I don't care! Listen, it's a girl!” Jay started hopping in place. “I'm gonna be a dad to a little girl, Twilight! You owe me a hundred bits!”

Strawberry raised a hoof and held it to his thigh. "Calm down, Jay... Let's go home, I'm starting to get tired." He immediately stopped and looked down at her with a frown.

Without warning, he turned to her and picked her up. An alarmed squeak came from her and she held him in a death grip.

“Jay, let me down!”

“No, you're tired.”

“I'm not tired anymore!”

And that's how it ended, he might be bad company to some, but to the ones who matter for him he's a pretty okay guy. Most of the time.

Sometimes.

Well, it's the thought that counts...

Author's Note

And now, five years later and a metric ton of bullshit I can finally let this story rest. Thanks to everyone who stuck around, even when there were doubts if I would actually step up and complete this and just post two, maybe three chapters and be off on my merry way like I did before.

For shout outs for helping me pick this story up and get pointed in the right direction, just reading and rating this story is a giant boost for me personally as I came back here without any confidence in my writing. There are too many people for me to mention in particular but to just pick one, D48 has been around since I came back last December and showed interest in my stories even though I had a very rough start.

Now, on to Xenophobia!

Ch. 2 - Fisticuffs...Hooficuffs... Whatever...

After realizing that I had been screwed over by some cruel entity due to me being stuck here, I laid back down on the couch I had claimed as my own. The possibility of me being stuck here for the rest of my life was... Pretty unsettling, to be honest... But when life gives you le- well, in my case, life flipped me the bird and took off toward the sunset in a -53 Cadillac Eldorado.

Point is, I'm pretty much fucked.

Now I'm stuck in a world of pastel-coloured equines, all from having a few too many drinks. I rubbed my temples in a soothing manner in an attempt to soothe the raging headache. ”Maybe I should make a promise to myself to stop drinking?” I mused.

”...Nah...” Who knows, I'll might need some alcohol for me to stay somewhat sane. With nothing else to do, I patted down myself to see if I had something of interest in my pockets. In my front right pocket was my wallet, as always. I'm pretty sure none of the ponies would accept dollars as a legit currency, meaning that I'm pretty much broke. Happy days for all... I also had my ID and some other crap stuffed in there.

I grinned as I felt the familiar shape of my phone in my left front pocket. I brought it forward and activated it. It still had full battery power, at least. As expected, it had no reception whatsoever. I shrugged as I unlocked it with my right hand as I continued rummaging around in my left pocket. I could not describe the feeling when I found the thing I was not expecting.

My crappy but still functioning in-ear headphones. And... They're tangled in a hellish way... I groaned and set the phone down, then untangled them. After that, I plugged them to my phone and turned on some music.

Take! Your! Tyrant!

I sighed contently as the musical orgasm provided by Týr clouded my mind. Music always had a strange way to calm me down in stressful times. After a few minutes, I felt a weak tug at my arm, and turned my head to come face-to-face with Bad Movies. She looked kinda concerned... I gave her a goofy grin and removed the left headphone. ”Did you want anything?”

She let out a breath. ”Oh good, you're alright...” She brought a hoof to her chest and took a few breaths. ”I said your name several times, but you didn't react so I thought something had happened...” She continued rambling.

”Uh...” I stared at her for a few moments. ”I was listening to music, and I had headphones plugged in so I couldn't hear you. Sorry 'bout that.” I shrugged and held up my phone, unlocked it and paused the music. When she didn't answer, I looked up to see her staring at my phone.

”What's... What's that?” She asked curiously while perking her ears forward. I grinned. Well, at least I could have some fun with her to pass some time...

”Oh this?” I raised my hand holding the phone a little. She followed my moment and nodded. ”It's just some alien technology which has never been seen in Equestria ever before...” I could almost swear that she was drooling and her eyes sparkled. Her ears lowered slowly. ”Just think about everything you could learn from studying it...” I jiggled it just in front of her face, and she followed its every movement. I made sure that the screen was still on as I prepared for the last part. ”So... Do you want to study it?”

”Yes!” She screamed. ”Oh Celestia, yes!”

Meanwhile in the main room of the library...

”Yes!” Spike heard Twilight scream. ”Oh Celestia, yes!”

Spike froze and his right eye twitched. He laid down and started sucking on a thumb. ”Unhear, unhear, unhear, unhear...” He muttered.

Twilight looked almost like she was ready to burst at any given moment. She stared at the piece of technology in my hand longingly. I grinned sadistically, and moved the phone away from her and flipped it into the air. She gasped. I caught it with my other hand expertly and turned away from her.

”Well too freaking bad.” I could almost hear glass shatter as her expression turned sour. Her mouth hung open and her ears shot back. I cleared my throat and pretended to speak to the phone directly. I discretely moved my finger to the button which turned off the phone. ”Phone, initiate complete data destruction.” I pressed down on the button, and the screen of the phone went dark.

She looked horrified and she stuttered. I fought with everything I had to keep myself from laughing at her expression. ”You...bu...I...tech...destroyed...” I walked past her and patted her back.

”Tough luck, kiddo.” I said and walked back to the stairs. ”Everything that happened in this basement is confidential under the Oath of Snoopy and Batman. No one, human or pony is ever supposed to know everything on that device.” I shrugged. ”It's a bit of an overkill, but no one wants to face the wrath of Woodstock or Elmo.” I faked a shudder. ”Nasty stuff...”

”But... You said...” She argued weakly.

”I know what I said, therefor I have to erase your memory of what happened here...” I patted around my pockets one last time, and felt a tiny box. I pulled it up, still facing away from her. It was Tic-Tacs. Perfect... I deposited one into my right hand and slipped it into my pocket once again. ”Avast, ye foul beast!” I shouted and turned toward her. She screeched and tried to run away from me.

I managed to catch her before she was able to gain some ground. She thrashed and shot a few stray magical bolts. All of them missed me, but one of them was way too close for comfort... I pried her mouth open and deposited the tic-tac in it. She thrashed for a few seconds, until she stopped.

”Is that... A breathmint..?” She asked carefully, glaring at me. I dropped her, and she turned to me with a frown instantly. I brought the box of tic-tacs out of my pocket, deposited three in my hand and threw them into my mouth.

”Minty. Fresh.” I gave her the biggest grin I could manage to do. I brought forward my phone and activated the screen and showed it to her. ”What? Was this what you wanted?” I asked innocently and battered my eyelashes.

She gritted her teeth and... Is that smoke coming from her ears..? ”You... You... You!” She raised her voice. I took a step back and gulped as the temperature in the basement grew higher with every passing second.

And that's how I learned that unicorns ponies can turn into a Ponyta when they get pissed, I shit you not. Her hair actually burst into flames and her coat became pristine white. I raised my arms and backed away from her, ready to make a break for it if I had to. Weird thing was that as soon as it started, it ended abrubtly.

She was breathing heavily, still glaring at me and a grim scowl on her face. I grinned and backed away from her slowly. She started taking deep breaths while counting to ten. After that, she looked up at me with a creepily calm smile. Her right eye twitched once. ”If I remember correctly, you were hungry, right?” I nodded. ”Well then, let's just go to Sugarcube Corner then for something to eat...” She walked past me with her head held low and her ears back.

I shrugged and followed her. 'She'll be fine, I'm sure she can handle a joke... Or two... Or three...' I chuckled. She glared back at me and stared for a few solid seconds, then turned back and walked up the stairs. I decided not to push my luck any further and kept silent as I followed her. When we were at the main room-place-thi... Y'know, I think I'll just call the entire thing just a library. Too confusing to keep up with all the names for different rooms. Kitchen, bedroom, living room...

Fuck it, it's in a library so it will be called just a library.

However, near the middle of the room was the little lizard-thing, Spike. ”Do you want to come to Sugarcube Corner with Jay and I, Spike?” Twilight asked him. He jumped as she placed a hoof on his shoulder.

”No uh... I'm fine. I had a big breakfast.” He shrugged. His eyes darted around the room. ”Sooo... How did it go in the basement? Had any fun..?” He cringed. Twilight and I glanced at each other, then at him.

”Nah, bro. It ended too soon to be that fun.” I grinned. Twilight groaned. Spike eeped and looked away.

”Let's just go, Jay...” Twilight growled and trotted out into the streets. I followed and closed the door behind us. As soon as I exited the library, several ponies heads turned toward me. Some of them lookes less than pleased to see me. Eh, probably because of the... Splash I caused last time I came here...

Let's just say that I seriously hope that fountain wasn't made to drink from...

I walked a little faster as some of the bulkier ponies started approaching me. But when they spotted Twilight, they just kinda... Backed off... Are those ponies who could easily swat Twilight scared of her? How the hell does that make sense? It's not like she packs enough power to whoop some evil's ass! I mean, look at her! She's freaking tiny!

...Well, pretty much all of the ponies are tiny, but she's still kinda smaller than all the other ponies I've seen. ”We're here.” She said suddenly. I looked where she was looking and there was a house that looked like some... Giant gingerbread house with loads of candy accessories.

You know, if there's a witch in there I'm just gonna turn on my God damn heel and run away from this town and to never return. She walked inside and by the nine, everything looked so sugar-induced I would just die from breathing the air inside. I followed Twilight to the counter. Behind the counter was a tall, lanky yellow pony with a tiny hat on his head. I narrowed my eyes, and so did he.

That's the fucker who clocked me in the back of my head with a stone. He looked down to Twilight and smiled, but glared at me shortly after. ”So... What will you two have today?” He hissed.

”Uh, I'll just have a blueberry muffin. What about you, Jay?” She turned to me.

”Same as you...” I never looked away from him. ”And some coffee. This hangover isn't exactly treating me too well right now...” Twilight nodded and levitated some coins onto the counter. The dick of a pony slid a cup of coffee and two muffins onto the counter. I snatched my order from it and turned away.

”What was that about..?” Twilight whispered to me. ”I've never seen him act so... Hostile to anypony before.”

”Yeah well, I'm not exactly a pony, now am I?” I muttered. ”'Sides, he threw a stone at me last time I was here. He has a surprisingly good aim for having to throw something with his hooves...” I growled. She shook her head.

”Oh daaaarling~” Twilight turned her head to where the voice had come from. ”Twilight, come sit with us back here!” Twilight smiled and started walking to some white unicorn with a curly purple mane sitting next to a yellow wingy-pony and...

Oh sweet Jesus, not her... Anyone but her! Sitting in front of the yellow pony was a pink pony with a poofy pink mane. I gulped audibly, but followed Twilight to the table anyway. Twilight sat down on a bench and scooted in, leaving me a seat on the bench as well. Right... next to the pink demon...

”Well girls, this is Jay.” She motioned toward me with a hoof. ”He ended up here after some magic mishap containing a dimensional doorway and other magical theories.” All of the ponies at the table, including me stared at her. She sighed. ”...He's stuck here after some magic went haywire.” Now the ponies nodded and I leaned back in my seat.

”Welcome to Equestria then, darling!” The white pony beamed. ”How do you find it so far?” She smiled.

”Well...” I scratched the back of my head. ”Your princess is kind of a bitch, all of you smell like barnyard animals, I'm stuck here and I can't wait to mosey off back home. All in all, it's... Sorta acceptable, I guess.” I shrugged. The ponies stared at me slack-jawed. The yellow pony squeaked and hid beneath the table. ”What? Was it something I said?” I sipped from my coffee.

The pink demon was the first one to recover. ”Well... I should throw you a party when you're gonna stay here! Wouldn't it be fun?” She giggled. ”I'll invite everypony so they get to know you better! It's gonna be awesome, right girls?” She turned to her friends, who all coughed awkwardly and looked the other way.

”Err yes... Twilight, may I talk to you in private for a minute?” The prissy pony asked Twilight. Twilight nodded and followed her to the far corner of the shop. I watched them go, and when I glanced over the counter the pony who had served us was still glaring at me whilst slowly wiping a cup. I rolled my eyes.

-Third pony switch-

When they were sure that the human couldn't hear them, Rarity turned to Twilight. ”You do realize that pretty much everypony holds a grudge on him after last time he was here, right?” Twilight nodded. ”And do you realize when he stays with you, you're positioning yourself in the line of fire?”

Twilight nodded again. ”Look Rarity, I know he can be rude, but he's completely lost here. He doesn't have any bits and nowhere to stay. I would feel horrible if I threw him out. I think he's just putting on a brave face to hide the fact that he's scared...” Twilight sighed.

”I... suppose it could be like that, but it does not change the fact that he insulted Princess Celestia just like that.” Rarity frowned. ”And his outfit is so tacky...” She glanced back to the table they had left. Both Rarity and Twilight had no idea of what to make of the situation.

Jay was holding a batch of cupcakes to his chest while hissing to Pinkie pie. Pinkie accepted the challenge and growled back at him, while reaching for a cupcake. Jay snarled and turned his upper body away from her, holding the cupcakes just out of Pinkie's reach. Pinkie's eyes narrowed and she snarled, growled and barked like a rabid timberwolf.

Jay eeped and lost his grip on the plate, dropping the confections on the ground. In some reality-bending manner, Pinkie was able to catch all of the falling cupcakes with her mouth. After the deed, she burped and bounced back to her seat. Jay stared at her in silence, until he finally raised his fist. Pinkie understood the gesture and bumped her hoof to the fist.

”I have a strange feeling those two will have fun together...” Rarity said, ”and I am not sure if that is good or terrifying...”

”It could be a little bit of both...” Twiligt shrugged. ”Now come on, let's go back to them. We can talk more about this later at the library.”

”I will come by later then, darling!” Rarity smiled and sat down by the table. Jay stood up and allowed Twilight to walk past him and return to her place.

”So we'll have the party tomorrow then?” Pinkie squeaked excitedly. ”I usually just throw a surprise party, but this is gonna be so fun!” Pinkie waved her hooves.

”Yeah well, as long as we play it cool I won't have any problems with a party.” Jay scratched his right forearm. ”I don't really like surprises. They usually just piss me off.” He shrugged. Pinkie shot from her seat and hugged him. Jay's eyes widened at the sudden approach, but he rolled his eyes and tried to focus on something else.

”I'm gonna go and check my party supplies! Bye Jay, bye girls!” She hopped away, humming a song.

-First person switch-

”I... Can't smell anything else but raspberries and cotton candy...” I said slowly. The ponies around the table raised their eyebrows, even the yellow one peeking over the edge of the table. I heard someone gritting their teeth. It wasn't a big surprise that it was the pony by the counter. He obviously didn't like my close encounter with Pinkie. I grinned.

My grin widened and I waggled my eyebrows. Before I could react, a cup was flying right at me. I caught it with my forehead. ”That's fucking it!” I shouted and grabbed a chair from the table next to me, ran toward the counter and leaped over it. I swung the chair toward his head, hitting the mark. The chair splintered and I released it, then punched him right in the nose, drawing blood.

He headbutted me, making me stumble back a few steps. He turned around and bucked me in the stomach, making me bend forward and cough. He prepared to buck again. I rolled away from his hindlegs just before they made contact, grabbed the left one and punched him in the stomach.

As he tried to recover, I grabbed him and threw him over the counter. I followed him, and as I closed in on him, he punched the three times with his left foreleg. Didn't help that he was wearing horseshoes... After a final punch, I felt my nose break and a constant stream of blood ooze from my nose. I stumbled back a few steps, but kneed him in the face as he tried to charge me.

The ponies screamed as I threw him onto a nearby table. I punched him in the stomach again, but he kicked me in the stomach, making me take a few steps back. He stood up on the table and leaped toward me with a mad glint in his eyes. I grinned. Before he could get too close, I grabbed his throat and smashed him to the floor. He stayed down after that. I glanced around the shop to see that the ponies who hadn't fled were staring at me with wide eyes.

Twilight and her friends just glared at me, but the yellow pony was.... Still hiding... I felt light-headed and tried to regain my balance. ”Well... That was one hell of a failure at a good first impression...” I slurred.

Then I fell unconscious.

Author's Note

Unedited chapter!

Now, remember that Jay didn't exactly become popular after his last visit in Ponyville, so he's gonna have some opposition amongst the townsponies throughout the whole story.

Ch. 3 - I Don't Need No DAMN Hospital! Just Ignore the Bleeding!

I have no idea of how long I was out, or where the hell I was. The first thing to come to my senses was the stinging smell of animals and shit. I wrinkled my nose in disgust and groaned. As my hearing started returning gradually, I heard a few voices a bit away from me. One of the voices belonged to Twilight, but I decided to just listen in to what they were saying.

”This is what I meant, Twilight! Just when you let him out of your sight, he runs off and picks a fight with somepony!” Some posh voice whined. Twilight tried to say something, but the other voice just continued her rant.

Bitch.

”It's not safe for you to have him in the library, who knows what he will do next? He wasn't exactly a saint the last time he came to Ponyville!”

Oh would she just shut the fuck up already...

”Um... Rarity, you have to quiet down a bit... You're scaring my animals with your shouting...” A new voice spoke. This one was a lot quieter and softer.

”I'm sorry, Fluttershy. I have to leave and pick up Sweetie Belle from school now anyway. I'll see you... Three later.” The sounds of hooves on hard floor and a door opening and closing ran through the room.

A dejected sigh came from what I guessed to be Twilight. ”I know that you're just trying to help him, Twilight... But... She's right on a few things. The things he did the last time are hard to forget, after all..”

Damn, that would follow me for my entire time here... And from what I've experienced so far, the ponies weren't really the forgiving kind... I sat up and rubbed my eyes and an alarmed squeak sounded. I shrugged it off as I rolled my shoulders. I looked down at Twilight who was frowning, and behind her was the yellow wingy-pony from the bakery.

”What were you thinking when you picked a fight with Carrot Cake, huh?” Twilight got right up in my face, pressing her nose toward mine. Oh come on? You really thought I would let a opportunity like this slide by? Ha!

With a massive shit-eating grin, I spoke up. ”Well, well, Twilight... If you wanted to get this close, why didn't you buy me dinner first?” I had to hold back a laugh as she shot away from me and sputtered a few nonsensical words. A 'pomf' sound came and I looked up to see the wingy-pony trying to force her wings back down.

”Oh relax, would you Twilight?” I laughed. ”I wasn't serious when I said that, and the fight happened because he threw a cup in my face and was giving me dirty looks the entire time I was in there... AND he threw a few rocks in my head the last time I was here.”

”You beat him to a bloody pulp in front of his children!” Twilight countered.

”Oh... Oh crap... Well I didn't...” I scratched the back of my head. ”Hell, I didn't know that there were kids watching us go at it...”

”See? You should have been a bit more careful a-”

”If I knew that there were kids in there I would have taken it outside.” I shrugged as I stretched my back and rolled my shoulders. Twilight's right eye twitched furiously. I decided to lay off her for the moment and took a quick look around. ”You know... It's a custom that the ones who pass out after a brawl get taken to a hospital... So uh... Where... Am I exactly?”

”We decided to take you to Fluttershy's cabin instead of the hospital. Fluttershy knows animals as a veterinarian and caretaker, so we assumed that she would be our best option.” Twilight still held her glare directed toward me.

”But I'm a sapient being! Not a cat or any other stupid animal! I can talk, think and do stuff because of my superior brain!” I exclaimed. Twilight shook her head and turned away from me.

”We should get going... Thanks for your help, Fluttershy.” She smiled at her friend, but her expression soured as she turned to me. ”You. Follow. Now.”

Geez, some ponies... Can't take a few jokes without turning into a massive cunt in the aftermath... ”You know, you would be a lot more pleasant to be around if you wouldn't take everything so seriously all the time. Lighten up a bit!” I exclaimed with my arms held wide as we crossed a bridge outside the building.

”Well, maybe if you would be serious for once I wouldn't be so high-strung all the time!” She countered with her voice raised. ”Things would go much smoother if you would just be quiet and help me when I ask for it. Currently we are researching dimensional doorways so you might have a way home eventually... So please be patient and stop being such an... ass all the time!” She glared at me. I took a step back and sighed.

”I'm sorry...” I shoved my hands down my pockets and kicked the ground, creating a small cloud of dust. ”I'm gonna be honest with you for a minute now...” She stopped and turned back to me. I bit my lip and locked her gaze to mine. ”I'm... terrified of the fact that I probably won't be able to go home again... And if I do get home, how much time would have passed? How would they react to me coming back home after being gone for months, maybe even years?”

I trudged past Twilight. ”I keep making jokes and pulling pranks so I can have a laugh instead of worrying and getting depressed because of my own paranoia and fear... I'd rather attempt to laugh and have fun rather than become a shell and retract to be with myself. And this town? Ponies hate me. I can't walk around alone, because when we walked to the Sugarcube Corner earlier today, I saw a mob starting to form...” Twilight gasped. ”They only backed off when they saw you next to me.” I shrugged. ”Let's just head back to the library, okay?”

Twilight nodded. ”Hang on, if you don't want to walk through town again, I can teleport us to the library. Are you ready?”

”Wait, wha-”

*TELEPORTATION SOUND EFFECT NOISE STUFF KA-FLASH*

”Please... Warn me... Next time...” I huffed and leaned toward the nearest wall. I held a hand to my head as I composed my brain. Twilight giggled at my reaction beside me, and I glared at her. ”This isn't funny.”

”To me it is.” Twilight smirked. ”Now, I have to go and study upstairs for a while. You can probably find something to do in the library on your own.”

”Actually... I was thinking about writing a letter to the princess regarding some stuff... You got a pen or something?” I rubbed the back of my head. Twilight grinned.

”Writing to princess Celestia about what you've learned today?!” She exclaimed. Her horn glowed and a piece of parchment and an inkwell, along with a quill appeared beside her.

”Riiight...” I arched an eyebrow and grabbed the things from her.

”Just give it to Spike later and he'll send it to her for you.” She said as she walked up the stairs I thanked her and walked into the kitchen and sat by the table. I stared at the quill for a few moments, until I shrugged and started writing.

'Yo Sunbutt,

It's Jay here from Horsetown, or whatever the damn place was called. Anyway, I know that this might be a bit sudden, after me just coming here and all, but I felt like I needed to adress this ASAP.

I want some money so I can get a place of my own. Since I am a guest from another dimension. (Can I be a diplomat by the way?) I feel like it would be in our best interests if that would happen. Also because I can't go anywhere on my own without being stoned. The bad kind of stoned as well.

So yeah. Bye and stuff, I guess.

I could leave some kind words here, but I decided not to. Cheers,
Jay'

I cringed at my terrible handwriting as I rolled up the parchment and took a look around the library for the little lizard thing. I found him in one of the backrooms. ”Hey Spike,” he jumped as I adressed him ”would you mind sending this off to Celestia?”

”Uh... Sure.” I gave him the parchment. He unfurled it and read it. He looked up at me like I was insane. ”Really?” He asked with a single raised eyebrow.

”Yes, really... C'mon, get on with it. I don't have all day.” I tapped a foot to the floor impatiently. He rolled his eyes and opened a window close to him. He took a deep breath, and.. blew fire on it?! ”Dude! What the fuck?” I exclaimed.

The burning parchment became a sparkling, purple mist which slithered out through the open window toward some mountain with a big-ass castle on it. ”I... sent it to princess Celestia like you asked me to...”

Oh, magic. Right. It kinda slipped my mind there for a bit. A few minutes passed, and Spike's cheeks bulged. I prepared myself to take a step back if some alien would burst out of him. Precautions, y'know... A gout of green fire came along with a loud burp that was actually pretty impressive. I gave him a pat on the back as I picked up the parchment with my other hand, then unfurled it.

'Dear Jay,

No, and no. You can have ONE bit to buy a lottery ticket or something. Get a job, and while you're at it, get a haircut. You look silly.

Regards,
Princess Celestia of Equestria'

Well played, sunbutt... Well played. I took a deep breath to calm down, and another burp came from Spike, but this time a single golden coin dropped on the floor in front of him. I gritted my teeth and picked up Spike in the biggest spine on his head. ”You're coming with me...”

”Twilight! Help!” He shouted. I covered his mouth with my free hand after pocketing the coin. I kicked the door open and stomped outside.

-10 minutes later-

”Aren't you gonna... Y'know, do anything with it?” Spike asked impatiently. I bit my lip and stared at the ticket in my hand. I took a deep breath and started scraping off the first layer. After everything was cleared, I just stared at the piece of whatever it is made of in confusion.

It... just looked like badly made squiggly lines with dots here and there. Since I couldn't make sense of whatever the hell was on it, I handed it over to Spike with a sheepish grin. He grabbed it from me with a roll of his eyes.

His eyes nearly tripled in size and his pupils became pinpricks. ”Dude...” He squeaked out. ”I'm not entirely sure, but if I read this right, you just won a million bits...”

…

wat

”*We interupt this broadcast because of technical difficulties due to the protagonist's brain shutting down from shock.*”

Author's Note

I have absolutely no idea what it is I'm doing. Seriously. Help me.

Ch. 4 Stupid White Diamond Butt Horse, She Dumb

I can't believe it... I just can't fucking believe it. Me, the guy who's shit luck led me to being trapped in a world of ponies... And now I'm rich.

I picked up Spike and screamed. He screamed as well, but he screamed in obvious fear. I stopped screaming and looked him straight in his eyes. ”We have to go turn this in, right now!” I held him under my arm like he was a football.

A big purple screaming football at that. I nearly tackled the door to the shop off its hinges as I swung the door open and dropped Spike. He yelped, then glared at me when he was on the floor. I sauntered up to the counter, then slammed my hand with the ticket on it. The unicorn pony behind the counter looked up at me with a raised eyebrow. ”I'll take this in cash.” I pushed the ticket toward it.

Her eyes widened as she read the result on it. I noticed that she re-read it several times, and even lighted up her magic... I guess she scanned the ticket for authencity or something like that. She stammered. ”W-well, of course... Let me just g-go and get it...”

She stood up from where she was sitting and walked into the back room. I tapped my fingers to the counter in a steady beat. After five minutes, she returned with two suitcases levitating beside her. She laid them on the counter and flipped open the latches with her magic.

”Well... It's five hundred thousand bits in each suitcase, counted magically and verified...” She said with a heavy sigh. I closed them and grabbed both of the suitcases with each hand with a grin, then turned around and almost skipped out of the building. Spike followed.

When we got a fair bit down the road, I turned around and saw the same mare from inside the building board over the door, then hang a sign that read 'Out of Business'. She walked away with her head hanging. I shrugged and kept on walking, heading straight to the library. Some of the ponies stared at me and Spike. I didn't care about them and started whistling a tune.

Spike walked in front of me and opened the door to the library and walked inside. I nudged the door closed with a foot. I heard some voices arguing from the floor above, so I decided to go and investigate...

The voices became louder as I ascended some stairs leading to a second floor, which I had no idea existed in the first place. Huh.

Anyway, I heard them go at it just at the other side of a closed door. I leaned down and put my left ear to the door. One of the voices arguing were Twilight and the other voice was that same bitching voice from the yellow wingy pony's place.

I bit my lip and narrowed my eyes, then grabbed the handle of the door and threw the door open. The ponies squeaked in fear and turned to me with wide eyes. I glared at the other unicorn in the room. Her coat was white, purple curly mane and dark blue eyes. Her butt-mark was three diamonds in a pattern. I walked toward her, she took a step back.

I momentarily turned my glare to Twilight. ”Out.” She offered no response and left the room, but glanced at her friend before she left. I turned back to the other pony who was still staring at me with wide eyes. After a few more moments of glaring at her, I spoke.

”Are you enjoying yourself?” I said venomously. She stuttered and her ears splayed back.

”P-Pardon?” She said quietly. I sighed and facepalmed.

”Are you enjoying yourself when you put me in the line of fire to all the ponies who wants to see me ripped to pieces?” I spat at her. ”You really don't know everything, do you?” She shook her head. ”Then why are you so fucking idiotic enough to open your mouth when you don't know about my situation?” I shook my head and sat down on a nearby chair.

”Well, you could be of assistance and share what you're going through.” She glared back. So she has some guts to stand up for herself, huh? ”And do keep in mind all the damage you caused when you first came along...”

”Alright, I'll tell you.” I stood up from the chair and ran my fingers through my hair. ”Well, when I first came through the portal yesterday, I won't lie and admit that I was no less than drunk off my ass..” I muttered. She scoffed. ”Anyway, I managed to stumble down the stairs to the basement and fall asleep there...”

”Classy.” She said sarcastically. I gave her a deadpan stare and she huffed.

”When I woke up, I had no idea where I was or how I got there but I did play around with some stuff in the basement. Nearly blowing up the entire library or something like that... Anyway, along came Princess Sunbutt and her merry gang of polished tincans.” I scratched the back of my head. ”I tried to go back through the doorway, but all I saw was cleaning supplies. No sign of my bed or my room at all.” I didn't even notice that my hands had started shaking.

”So that's when I realized that it would take a very long time before I would be able to go home... Or if I can go home at all...” I closed my eyes. ”Then just everything... broke. I wouldn't be able to see my sister graduate. She had been nagging on me to come for weeks... I can't help out my friends with anything they get on with...”

”Instead I'm stuck here, in some fucked up world where talking horses are the dominant species!” I shouted. ”And this cunt, right here is trying to get me thrown out on the streets where I would either be a living freakshow or a dead body scientists will have fun poking me in places I don't want to be poked!” I breathed heavily ”So please. Tell me, are you enjoying yourself?”

She shook her head slowly. ”That's a good girl.” I smirked. ”Now, if you would excuse me, I have a million bits to rub in a bitchy princess' face whilst pointing and laughing.” I turned around and walked out from the room whilst whistling.

”Spike! Grab Twilight's money, we're going on a trip to whereever the princess lives!” I said with a grin as I gave him a pat on his shoulders.

Spike stared at me. ”Dude... You have a million bits, can't you pay for the trip to Canterlot?” He said as he arched an eyebrow. Canterlot, huh...

…

”..I should've expected a pun.” I muttered. ”No, grab her money. I can't use any of my own yet, I call it economy. Instead of paying for it myself, I get someone else to do it even when I have more then enough to buy it myself.” I grinned. ”I'm like a shady government.

”Now, let's go!” I shouted and grabbed Spike and held him under my arm as I grabbed the suitcases and walked out into the street.

”You're walking the wrong way...” Spike grumbled.

”I knew that, I was just testing you is all...” I said as I casually turned to the other direction.

I never get lost somewhere strange, right?

…

...Oh yeah...

Author's Note

SURPRISE

Ch. 5 - Another Pony Princess? Aw...

Links that are both bold and underlined are links to Youtube songs that fits to what's happening.

I rested my head to my hand and leaned to the window sill, watching the nature outside fly by as Spike and I sat in our private cart on the train, courtesy of Twilight's savings. I glanced over at Spike and he was twiddling his thumbs and humming some upbeat song.

”What's that song you're humming?” I asked to make sure that it was some conversation going on between us.

”Oh, just some song everypony sings during winter wrap up.” Spike shrugged. ”It's actually kinda catchy if you ignore the cheesy lyrics.”

”Wait, wait, wait...” I pinched the bridge of my nose. ”Does the ponies usually have some kind of musical number going on? Fuck's sake...” I sighed.

”Not often, but when it does happen it usually gets pretty big. They somehow learn the lyrics on their own without any practice at all before it happens.” Spike stretched his arms. ”We're not far from Canterlot, maybe like ten minutes or so.”

”Are the music numbers cheery?” I asked. ”Like, do they have an upbeat piano thing going on?” Spike seemed to think for a while, then he nodded. I groaned. ”Seems like I have to show you what real music is, then...” I searched my pockets for a while, then brought forward my phone.

”What's that?” Spike asked.

”Some technical mumbo jumbo thing. A phone.” I said with a roll of my hand. Spike nodded. ”So, the first song I'm gonna play is something a bit softer then what I usually listen to. Just to break you in and all that.” I scrolled through the playlist on my phone, then pressed play when I got to where I wanted to be.

Spike jumped a little at first from the intro and looked at me questioningly. As the song hit it's twenty-second mark, he started nodding his head beat to the music. A small smirk came across his face.

”Knew you'd like it.” I smirked.

”Got any more music like that?” He asked with a smile as the song ended.

Heh.

”LIIIIFT MEEE UUUP! ABOVE THIS, THE FLAMES AND THE ASHES! LIFT ME UP AND HELP ME TO FLY AWAY! LIIIIFT MEEE UUUP! ABOVE THIS, THE BROKEN, THE EMPTY! LIFT ME UP AND HELP ME TO FLY AWAY!”

Spike and I shouted as the train came to a halt and the doors opened. We grinned at eachother and bumped fists as we exited the train.

I looked back to see a conductor run back to our cart. Probably to find out what made all that noise... ”You do know the way to the castle, right?” I asked Spike. He nodded and started walking down the street. I put my hands in the front pockets of my jeans and followed him.

”You really need to play some more of that Death Punch stuff later, it was awesome!” Spike said as he pointed at a huge building in the distance. ”That's the front of the castle, a bigger part of it is on the other side, built into the cliffside.”

I whistled. ”Sunbutt really gave it to the tax payers with that one, huh?” I asked no one in particular. About five minutes later, Spike and I stood next to stairs leading up to the massive door. The guards at the front gate had just glanced at Spike, then opened up and allowed us to enter.

Before Spike could open the door, I put my hand on his shoulder and stopped him. He looked back at me with a raised eyebrow. I grinned.

I just got a great idea of saying hello to Sunbutt. ”Say Spike, do you have any idea where the princesses keep their chariots?” Spike nodded slowly. ”Awesome, show me the way...”

(Temporary switch to third-person.)

Princess Celestia yawned and stretched her wings as she sat on her throne, bored out of her mind. Her sister sat beside her on her own throne, reading through a document that their officials had brought to their attention.

”'Tis an old law, sister.” Luna said. ”The law is as follows that anyone who flies into a throne room in a chariot is punishable to death in some cases...” Luna looked over at Celestia. ”Tia, are you even listening?”

Celestia nodded tiredly. ”Chariot. Throne room. Death penalty, got it.”

”Even when I disagree with your new weaker discipline about death penalties that you changed when I was banished, I must say that this is quite silly.” Luna chuckled. ”I propose that we change the punishment to a verbal warning instead. Agreed?”

”Yes, I agree.” Celestia muttered. Luna nodded and levitated the now signed document over to an official, who stamped it and registered it.

”There we go, princesses. The new law is now active, and the old law is no longer valid.” He said as he laid down the document on a nearby desk and began rummaging through a folder. His ears twitched and he paused. ”Do you hear that?”

Everypony paused and listened. Whooshing sounds and whirring of gears were heard. Celestia turned her head to one of the massive windows and squinted. ”Isn't that our brand new chariot that works without pegasi pulling it..?”

”And it's heading straight at us...” Luna said slowly.

Before any of the ponies could react, the windows shattered and the chariot crashed to the floor. From the rubble, a single bipedal creature rose to its legs. Celestia's eyes narrowed and she glared at the recently stamped document in pure hatred.

”Heeeeeey Sunbutt!” Jay waved and picked up a hyperventilating Spike. ”Wanna know something funny?” Celestia grumbled. ”You wouldn't believe the luck I had with that bit you gave me...” He snickered and lifted the cases and made them shake. The sound of metal shaking came from within. ”I hit the jackpot!”

Celestia's eye twitched furiously. Luna stared at this new creature in wonder. It had broke in and made a mess, insulted her sister and he was obviously wealthy. She felt a slight twitch in her wing and shuddered. Luna decided to ignore it but sadly, Celestia had noticed and was not going to let the moment slide.

Celestia took a deep breath, smiled and turned back to Jay. ”Jay, how wonderful to see you again so soon. I would like for you to meet my younger sister, Luna. Say hello, Luna!” Celestia nudged Luna, who almost stumbled and fell down the stairs from the sudden contact.

Jay glanced over at Luna and gave her a sharp nod. ”'Sup?” Luna felt her cheeks starting to burn.

”Hello to you too.” She stammered. Luna turned to Celestia. ”I'm sorry sister, but I need to turn in for the evening so I can be up all night and perform my duties.” With that, Luna left the room in a bright blue flash.

Celestia chuckled as a plan started to form in her mind...

Author's Note

WHAAAAAAT TWO CHAPTERS THIS CLOSE TOGETHER, DANG SYMPHONY YOU DUMB

And oh yeah, I tried to fix that thing with the quotation things but I failed. Miserably.

Ch. 6 Nope Nope Nope Nope... You get the point

Celestia cleared her throat. ”So Jay, mind explaining why you decided to destroy royal property and a custom hoof-made decorative window?” Celestia asked with poorly hidden anger. I chuckled and put down Spike, who took a few uneasy steps to the side.

”Well princess, I'm a bit of an odd guy. I got the idea and I went for it. But don't worry about that window, I'm sure you can exploit plenty of hard-working tax payers to cover it...” I smirked. ”Or you could just fix it yourself. Magic it up a bit, you know.” Oh man, the glare she gave me could probably kill a small animal or something...

Celestia took a deep breath to calm herself, then spoke. ”Well, since you went through all the trouble of bothering me and my sister, you must be exhausted...” She smirked. ”So why don't you stay for dinner and if you're tired enough you may even stay the night in the castle. You'd have a room of your own, of course.”

I got a sudden feeling that I would need an adult if this would continue, so I nodded to her and picked up the suitcases. ”Just let me know what room I'll be staying in.”

”Very well then.” She said. ”Your room will be in the east wing of the castle, just past the observatory. The door is rather tall and made in dark mahogany. You won't miss it, I promise.” She said with a small smile. I raised an eyebrow but didn't ask anything more.

”But princess, isn't that Luna's ro-” Spike spoke but was silenced by Celestia as she used her magic to hold his mouth closed. My eyes narrowed.

”Not anymore, Spike. She moved to a newly built apartment room in the top floor of the observatory.” She said hastily. Her entire demeanor screamed that she was playing innocent but I decided to play along instead of calling her out. Who knows? It could be interesting to see what she was trying to do.

”Alright then, I'll be off.” I shrugged and started walking to the doors. I glanced at Spike. ”You'll be alright alone for a bit, right?” I asked.

”Yeah, I can be here with the princess.” Spike shrugged. ”At least for a while...” Spike grumbled. I nodded and continued to the doors. The guards positioned next the door used their magic and opened the door for me.

Just before the door closed again behind me, I turned around to Celestia and gave her a double-handed one finger salute. Then the doors slammed closed with a bit more force. I chuckled and started walking to the observatory, wherever the fuck it was.

After about an hour of getting lost, getting back on track and getting lost again, I finally found myself walking toward the observatory. I walked past a door labeled 'Observatory' and looked around the hallway. The entire thing had a much darker decor than all the other halls I walked through. Oh well.

True to Celestia's description, I saw a rather tall mahogany door. I walked to it and set one of the suitcases down on the floor as I opened the door with the free hand. Those damn suitcases were actually heavier than they looked... I picked it back up and walked into the room...

...God damn, if the decor in the hall looked dark, this was way worse. The ceiling is way higher than what I expected, I almost expect bats to come out screeching from one of the corners when I'm sleeping. Oh well, at least I could take a nap or something until dinner. I'm sure Spike can handle being with Sunbutt for a while.

With that settled, I took the suitcases and pushed them beneath the bed to hide it from prying eyes, then took off my shirt. ”Man... I stink...” I muttered. I really should take a shower or something, I guess. After a bit of searching and a whole lot of luck, I picked a door randomly and opened it and behold, a bathroom was on the other side!

Now, with the size of the other room, I should have realized that the bathroom was also nearly half the size of the other room. With that fact in mind, I still couldn't stop my jaw from dropping open. After muttering a few choice words, I grabbed a folded up towel from a bench and made my way to the shower.

You know, I won't go much into detail of me showering. At least I got it done. When I exited the shower dripping wet, I took the towel and went to work drying off the excess water as I made my way back into the main room. Putting on my pants, I decided to leave my shirt off for the moment as I laid down on the bed.

My hand fell down to the silver locket around my neck. I brushed it with my thumb, letting out a sigh as I closed my eyes, intending to get some sleep before dealing with Celestia and her sister again. Before my mind drifted away, I heard the door open and a loud gasp. I cursed and opened my eyes, then sat up to glare at the intruder.

My breath hitched though when I saw none other than Princess Luna standing there, mouth agape. When her eyes wandered down me, she apparently noticed that I wasn't wearing a shirt. Her wings shot out and I got a sudden feeling that something terrifying would happen if I would stay any longer.

I shot up from the bed and threw my shirt on. ”What the fuck are you doing in here?” I asked her as I straightened the shirt. She shook her head.

”This is my room...” She muttered with her ears back. ”I should ask you why you're in here, in a princess' bedroom h-ha-halfnaked!” She stuttered, her wings still spread.

”Your room? But Celestia said...” My eyes widened, then narrowed. ”That. Fucking. Bitch.” I growled. ”Sorry for the intrusion, I will have to go and kick some sense in Sunbutt's fat ass...”

Then something I did not expect happened. Luna walked toward me and got uncomfortably close. I took a step back. As I did that, she took another step closer. ”Oh, why do you have to leave so hastily?” Luna said in a low tone.

”I-uh... I need to go... Like, now.” I pushed the princess away from me, stumbling a few steps as I ran out from the room and slammed the door shut. I heard an annoyed groan from the room as I bolted down the hallway, intending to gut Celestia with her own horn and crown.

After a while of running, I slowed down to a walk. I couldn't shake the feeling that I had forgotten something important in the room, though. When I made a right turn in a hallway, I saw Spike walking at me. I greeted him with a nod and a smile.

”Hey Jay, I was just about to go see you.” He smiled. Then he looked me over and frowned. ”Dude, where's the suitcases?”

...

…...

FUCK.

The next day, Spike and I stood outside Luna's room on each side of the door. Spike glanced at me. ”Why won't we just knock on the door and say that you forgot something in there?”

”Spike, there's a few things you need to learn about being a man.” I started. ”One, never ask anyone for directions and two, when you have a psycho bitch with a lot of power that is obviously interested in you on the other side of the door, the last thing you want is face-to-face conversation.” That seemed to make him quiet, so I put my head to the door, listening for anything. All I heard were some rather loud snores.”

I opened the door carefully, not making a single noise...

...Then I was thrown back to the wall on the other side of the hallway because of the sheer volume of her snores. Spike didn't seem affected though, he stood there, staring at me as the snore stopped. I dropped to the floor.

I saw Spike walk up to me in the corner of my eyes. I felt a hand on my shoulder. ”Jay, you alright?”

”WHAT?” I shouted, not being able to make out what he said. ”COME AGAIN.”

Spike said something more and all I could hear was my name and something starting with 'wa'-

”NO THANK YOU, I DON'T WANT ANY WAFFLES. I HAD A BIG BREAKFAST.”

Then without warning, I got a slap on my right cheek that made me fall to my side. I groaned miserably. ”Get it together, Jay!” Spike growled. ”We are about to break into the room of an immortal princess that can, and probably will, incinerate us on the spot if she catches us. So pull yourself together and let's do this!” Spike glared at me.

I shook my head and stood up. ”Thanks, Spike. I needed that. Now let's do this shit.” I said. Spike nodded. I walked to the doorway and glanced inside. Luna was lying fast asleep on the bed on her side. I saw a stray pillow lying beside her head and considered my options...

...Nah. I don't need to be marked as a murderer of a princess on top of all the shit I already pulled in Ponyville. With my mind set, Spike and I walked slowly to the bed. I bent down to where I had slid in the suitcases beneath the bed and to my great relief, they were still exactly the way I had left them. I gave a thumbs up to Spike, who grinned.

Both of our hearts stopped though as a groan was heard from the bed. I dropped to the floor flat on my stomach and rolled beneath the bed, careful not to jostle the suitcases. I grabbed one of Spike's legs and dragged him beneath the bed and when he looked at me, I held a finger to my lips, not making a single sound. Apparently he understood and nodded.

After a few more seconds, the groans stopped and Spike and I shared a sigh in relief. ”Ooh, Jay...” I heard from above the bed. My face paled as Spike glanced up curiously. ”Just like that...”

As my brain boarded the train to Nopetown, Spike whispered to me. ”Why are she talking about you like that..?” I cursed silently.

”No reason,” I whispered back. It's better to just drop that for now...” Spike nodded and glanced one last time above to the bed.

”Where is it..?” I heard Luna's voice. ”Ah, here you are... Jay...” She giggled maniacally. Instead of curling into a ball and start rocking forward and back, I held Spike's mouth shut before he could ask anything else.

To my utter and complete horror, a buzzing sound was heard from above and a gasp from the princess. Spike's confused glance above, then to me didn't help at all.

I really don't like ponies.

About half an hour later of sounds I didn't know could be made and slight overusage of my name along with screaming, I was just about ready to curl up and die. Spike just looked just as confused as before. I heard Luna get off the bed. I stole a glance at her as she walked to see she was walking to the bathroom. As she walked inside and closed the door behind her, I grabbed the suitcases and got out from beneath the bed. Spike came with me as we ran to the door to the hallway.

Spike and I ran down random hallways for about 10 minutes before we stopped to take a breather. ”What... What was she doing?” Spike asked me. ”And what was that smell?”

”Uh...” I scratched my neck and glanced to the ceiling. ”Uh... Ask Twilight about it when we get back to Ponyville.” Spike nodded. I picked up the suitcases and began walking again. Spike followed.

”Spike?” I asked.

”What is it Jay?” He looked up at me.

”Let's never talk about what happened in there ever again, and don't tell anyone about it at all. Deal?”

”I don't understand why... But okay, deal.” We bumped fists.

I swear on this day that I will never, ever return to Canterlot ever again.

Ch. 7 - Celestia the Laser Show Horsie

After an awkward silence as Spike and I walked through the hallway to the dining room, where Celestia had told us to go to get some food. Thankfully, Spike hadn't asked anything about what Luna did after he made the promise.

Shit, I don't even want to think about it. I mean... She's a pony. A small horse. There is no fuckin' way I'll ever do something like that to one of them. I'm not into beastiality and I sure as hell want to keep my dignity for as long as possible. After a few minutes, Spike and I reached a big room with a really long table in the middle with several chairs lining the sides of it. On the far end were two bigger chairs, obviously meant for Sunbutt and Moonhorse due to the colours on them.

Celestia sat on her chair, the biggest shit-eating grin I've ever seen on her face. Luna sat next to her with her head low. I saw Celestia whisper something to Luna, I couldn't hear what she said but Luna sunk even lower and her face turned slightly red. I narrowed my eyes, but smirked.

I strode past all the chairs, heading straight for the chair closest to Celestia. I groaned as the chair closest to her was already occupied by some pink unicorn. I strode to the chair, turned it out and dumped the chair forward, making the pony fall off the chair with a yelp. Spike gasped and Celestia's grin faded slightly. I sat down on my chair and put up my feet on the table.

”Hey Celestia. So I was wondering...” I tapped a finger to my chin. ”Since you won't let me be a diplomat, which I find racist, can I instead be a representative of the humans or something?”

”That is basically the same thing, Jay.” Celestia rolled her eyes. ”By the way, say hello to my niece, Princess Cadence, ruler of the Crystal Empire.” She motioned to my left side. I turned to face the now pissed-the-fuck-off pink pony. I could swear I could feel her glare strangle my soul. Then I noticed the wings on her sides.

Oh...

um...

Well, fuck. I stood up slowly from the chair and moved one seat away from Celestia. Princess Cadence huffed and took back her seat. I twiddled my thumbs and decided to bring up my phone to waste some time listening to music or something. As I turned on the screen, I noticed that a warning for the battery power being on a critical level. I sighed and looked around the room, until my eyes settled on Celestia's glowing horn as she was using her magic to bring some salad to her mouth with a fork.

I think I got an idea... From what I can guess so far, their magic is nothing but energy they've learned to control and manipulate. Meaning that if I'm lucky, I could make that energy suitable to recharge my phone with or other basic electric things.

And you probably thought I was dumb, heh.

I stood up from my chair, making the other ponies stare at me as I walked around the table to where Celestia was sitting, stuffing her face with food. She raised an eyebrow at me as I smiled.

”Can I help you with anything?” She asked as she laid her fork down on the table, still having her magic activated... on... whatever.

”Actually, yeah...” I scratched the back of my neck. ”Sit still for a moment.” I brought forward my phone, flipped open the little pad to protect the USB-connection. I glanced up at Celestia, still smiling.

Then I promptly slammed my phone to her horn, the connection right down to the tip of her horn. You know, it's almost funny of how many things that can happen within the span of a few seconds.

Celestia gasped and her horn pretty much exploded in white/yellow light. Luna laughed her ass off. Cadence began to cry and hug Spike for dear life. Spike made strange choking noises. I grinned and laughed as I saw the battery percentage rise steadily. Then I got tackled by like, twenty or so guards.

It was a good day, all in all.

After I shook all the guards off me and stood back up, I looked to my phone to see that it was fully charged. I turned to Celestia, who's chair had tipped over and she laid pretty much unmoving, staring at the ceiling with pin-prick pupils and a huge blush on her face A small string of smoke came from the tip of her horn. Oh yeah, she was also panting. Suddenly, my phone started crackling and the screen started to fade and blink.

Then it started vibrating and making several sounds as... I recieved text messages... I stared at my phone, mouth hanging open as text messages flooded my phone by the dozen. More than half of them were from... my mother...

I unlocked my phone and clicked on one, bringing up the overlay.

'Please come home, we miss you'

I bit my lip and scrolled upward, reading another.

'If it's something we did, we're sorry. We just want you to come home safely'

I felt my eyes starting to sting a bit, so I turned away from the ponies and Spike. Then my phone started ringing. I stared at the caller ID for a couple of seconds, which honestly felt like hours.

'Mom'

I don't know how this is possible... Did the magic make my phone work again? Or is it just temporary. The ringtone broke me away from my thoughts and I fumbled to slide across the screen to answer the call.

”Hello?”

'Ja-frrzzzzt-y! Where are y-fzzzzrrrrt-ou? Why is your connection so bad?'

The stinging in my eyes got worse. ”I... I can't really explain... I'm really far from home and I don't know if I can ever get home...”

'Nonsense! Tell me where you are and your father will book you a flight home this instant!'

”I really wish it was that easy, mom... I really do...” I heard the connection getting even worse with more interruptions. ”Listen, I really need to s-say something i-important...”

'What is it? Oh, my little boy... all alone... But you're strong and stubborn! You can do anything you put your mind to!'

I smiled slightly. ”I know... But listen... Mom, I lo-

beep

beep

beep

”No... No. No! Fuck! No, not now!” I screamed, threw the phone down and saw that it was back to normal, no more weird flickering and shit. ”God fucking dammit!” I picked up the chair I had been sitting on and threw it against the closest wall, shattering it along with a candleholder that had been in its way. I breathed heavily and turned to the ponies.

All of them were staring at me in complete silence, even the guards. Celestia had returned to normal but instead of her usual smirk, she looked oddly serious. I sighed and turned away from them, nonchalantly wiping a tear from my cheek with the back of my left hand.

”The fuck are you all staring at, huh?” I growled. ”Oh yes, let's all make fun and stare at the weird huuuman who destroys things! Oh he's also crying!” I mocked them. I stomped toward the exit and spat over my shoulder. ”Boo-fucking-hoo.”

I need to get away from the ponies... I stomped away to my new room, where I was keeping the suitcases in safe hiding. Once inside the room, I grabbed two handfuls of gold coins from a suitcase and stuffed them down my pocket, then made my way out of the castle.

Apparently, word of my little freakout had spread around the castle like wildfire, so wherever I went inside the castle, ponies stared at me like I was some kind of freak. I guess I was a freak in their standard, I mean, my appearance to theirs? I'm a fuckin' walking circus-act.

Anyway, I finally found a way out and down into the town. The whole town felt like it was strangling me as I walked through the crowd of ponies, most of them ignored me but some stared at me, obviously confused or just plain pissed off at the mere sight of me. Finally though, I found what I was looking for.

A pub. A bell chimed as I walked inside, but none of the ponies bothered to turn around and take a look at who just walked inside. I made my way to one of the barstools right by the counter where a bartender was idly wiping a glass. A pony sat right by the corner, but I took a seat closer to the bartender.

”What're you havin'?” He asked in a rough, southern accent. He didn't even raise an eyebrow at me.

”The strongest you have, in the biggest container you have.” I muttered apathetically. He nodded and went back to work mixing together something. ”I couldn't help but notice...” I started. He looked up at me with a raised eyebrow. ”You didn't say anything about... well, me. Most of the ponies I've met so far imagined I was some kind of monster before even talking to me.”

He chuckled and shook his head. ”Now that ain't right that ponies treat ya that way. Ah didn't say anythin' because I've seen pretty much everything walk through that door to ease their mind with some hard liquor.”

He looked up at me, straight in the eyes. ”An' Ah can tell what kind of being you are easily. You're not actually a tough son'uva gun, you're just confused and a bit scared of what'll happen to ya.” When he noticed my dropped jaw, he laughed and sent me a huge pint of what looked like really, really hard whiskey. ”On th' house.” He nodded and went back to work.

I thanked him and took my first sip. It felt like my tongue was gonna melt and my throat burst into an inferno at any second.

I loved it.

”You...” I heard from the pony sitting by the corner. ”You're that human visiting the castle, right?” A male voice slurred, then hiccuped.

”Might be, depends on who's asking.” I said nonchalantly, taking another gulp of the liquor.

He leaned forward into the light, showing his white coat and long, blonde mane and blue eyes. ”Why, I'm just Celestia's nephew.”

Then I spat my drink. I coughed and choked before I spoke. ”There's a prince? Holy shit, I'm not completely surrounded by prissy little horsies!” I laughed. He chuckled as well.

”Yes, with a stunning amount of three princesses and only two princes, we have the definite under hoof.” He twirled the glass of brandy he held in his magic. ”It does bring down some oppurtunities...” He muttered.

I had already finished about half of my drink. ”Yeah... I mean, I don't know if it's a normal thing here, but there's a hell of a lot more mares then stallions around. What's up with that, anyway?”

”Genetic lines and a stroke of bad luck.” He said, then took a sip of his drink. ”Say... What's your name? I would hate to just call you 'human'.”

I smiled at him and held out my right hand. ”I'm Jay. You?”

He grabbed my hand with his hoof, somehow and shook it. ”Prince Blueblood, at your service.”

Ch. 8 - On the subject of housing...

I cracked my eyes open, cursing at the sunlight that was currently trying to blind me. I groaned and rolled over to my stomach and pressed my face to the pillow. A pounding headache made itself known, forcing another groan from me. A knock on the door interrupted my feeble attempt to fall asleep.

“I'm coming, hang on...” I called out and rolled out of bed. Seems like I only took off my shirt when I went to bed yesterday. Reaching for the doorknob with my right hand, I ran my left hand through my hair. Spike was on the other side. “Oh, hey Spike. What's up?”

“Nothing much, just thought I'd let you know that the train for Ponyville leaves in about an hour.” Spike said. He paused for a moment and glanced into the room. “Jay... What's that smell?” He wrinkled his nose in disgust.

I rubbed my neck. “Uh, I got kind of drunk yesterday... That would explain the smell. Also I kinda stink so I'll take a shower before we get on the train.” Spike nodded and turned around to leave.

“I'll have somepony get up here with some breakfast to you.” With that, he walked off. I closed the door and turned to the bathroom.

I locked the door, slipped off my clothes and got in the shower. It was a bit of a tight fit since the shower was made for ponies that obviously weren't my size. About 20 minutes later and a lot of struggling, I stumbled out of the shower. I opened a cupboard where some towels laid. It was then though that I realized that even the towels were pony sized. Grumbling, I grabbed 2 towels and made my way out to the room with one towel around my waist and the other scrubbing my hair dry.

The towel on my head covered my view, but when I was out in the room. I heard a gasp and dropped the towel from my head. A unicorn mare stood there, staring at me while levitating a plate of food.

“Uh...” I motioned toward the food. “Did Spike send you with this to me?” She nodded, still not saying anything. “Alright then, just put it on that desk over there and get out. Thanks. She levitated the plate to where I had motioned and left the room in a bit of a hurry. Grabbing my clothes, I scowled as the door almost slammed shut behind her.

“Fucking ponies, man...”

Spike and I were standing at the train station, tickets ready and waiting for the train to pull up. I adjusted the sunglasses I was wearing. They were pretty cheap so I decided to buy them. Despite the rather obvious anatomical differences between a human and a pony, these glasses fit pretty good on my head. The suitcases with my money was lying in front of me. The distant chugging of a train coming closer got my attention and I turned my head to where the sound had come from. The 'Friendship Express' stopped and I picked up the cases and prepared to board the train. Spike did the same.

I'll never understand why they picked such a fruity name for a train.

We got basically the same seats as the ones on our way to Canterlot. We didn't have to wait too long until the conductor passed our seats and stamped the tickets. I made myself comfortable as the train chugged off and before I knew it, I fell asleep.

I woke up to someone tugging the sleeve to my shirt. “Come on Jay, we're in Ponyville!”

Aw shit, already? “Alright, I'm coming. Chill.” I rubbed my eyes and picked up the suitcases. As we walked off the train, we saw Twilight standing there, tapping a hoof to the station floor and looking pissed as all hell.

Before I could say anything, she was right in my face. “Jay! What the buck did you do?! You and Spike disappeared, and suddenly I get a letter from Princess Celestia that you basically assaulted her and destroyed some things! And on top of that, I notice that I'm missing three thousand bits from my savings!”

At this point, she was screaming right in my face. A quick glance around told me that several ponies were staring at the situation unfolding. However, be it bravery or just being stupid, I grinned.

“Well purple, I didn't assault Princess Celestia. I tried out a theory. And the only things I destroyed was an ornate window and a chair. Hardly a scratch to their economy.” I was still grinning and before she could reply, I opened one of my suitcases and handed her a slightly bigger coin than the rest.

“Here, take this for your savings. I have more than enough to live comfortably.”

“J-Jay, this is ten thousand bits! I can't take this!” She stuttered out and I raised an eyebrow.

“Too bad, 'cause you're getting it anyway.” I snapped the case shut. “Now come on, we're going house shopping!” I exclaimed. Spike followed me, Twilight took a moment though but eventually followed as well.

“Oh, why are you looking for a house?” Twilight asked.

“Wouldn't want to outstay my welcome and cause you to get heart failure when young because of all the shit I pull.” I answered after considering her question for a while, looking around for any kind of 'For sale' sign on any house. With my usual luck though, there were no houses for sale inside the town.

After a while, we reached a neighborhood that seemed to be a bit swankier. Bigger houses, bigger yards and fences and even the air almost felt different. Finally, after searching for almost an hour we finally found a house for sale. It was at the end of the road and a bit bigger than the houses I saw earlier.

It was two floors, but the length of the house paid up for that. The right wing and left wing were shaped to follow the driveway leading to the house. Seperating the driveway from the main house was a decently sized fountain. I whistled.

“Oh man, this house fucking screams millionaire mansion...” I approached the sale sign and read some things about the house. “Five bathrooms, eight bedrooms, a massive lounging area... A fucking pool, holy shit... One big kitchen and more...” I scratched my chin. “Holy shit, all of that for three hundred thousand bits...”

“What?!” Twilight exclaimed. “Jay, are you insane?! A house for three hundred thousand!”

“Oh come on, Twilight. A house like this would cost millions on my world. Now, where can I find the real estate agent for this place...”

“Right here, sir!” A stallion called out. I jumped slightly and turned to him. He was tall and lanky. No real muscle. Even skinnier than that Cake guy or whatever his name was. His coat was a light brown and his mane was black. He was wearing a black suit jacket, white shirt and a black tie.

“Um... Yeah, so I was interested in this house over here” I pointed a thumb toward the house. The stallion hummed and nodded along.

“There's a few ponies coming to see this house tomorrow. I don't know if I can just sell it like that without coming up with a deal to show around the house earlier.” He tapped a hoof to his chin. Tell you what. if-”

“I'll pay in cash right here, right now.” I interrupted him.

“Well, why didn't you tell me that earlier!” He laughed and stood up to his hindlegs, putting a foreleg over my shoulder. “I can imagine you owning this house, taking care of the missus” he gestured to Twilight “and the younger generation!” He motioned toward Spike. Twilight blushed.

“Oi, I'm not together with her, she just joined me to look at houses...” I muttered.

“My apologies...” He chuckled. “Now! The house is already fully furnitured with all you may need so let's head inside and write the contract!”

I followed him to the house. He tapped a code to a lock and the fence moved out the way. He stepped inside the property and I followed, along with Twilight and Spike. When we entered the house, my eyes widened significantly. Marble floors, a high ceiling. To go to the upper floor, there were a set of twin stairs. One on the left side, the other on the right.

The estate agent turned to the right and we followed him to quite a massive kitchen with a wide open area and all of the appliances were the latest model. He by the counter and brought up a few papers, along with an inkwell and a quill.

“Alright then, I've already written down the adress and information about the property. Name?” He looked up to me with a smile.

“Jay.” I said, looking around the kitchen.

“Is that your full name?” He asked. I shook my head. “Well due to legal obligations, I must ask for your full name to include in the contract. I hope this doesn't bother you in anyway?”

“No, it's not a problem. My full name is...” I saw Twilight and Spike strain a bit to hear what I would say. I mumbled out my name.

“I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that.” He said. I sighed.

“My full name is... Eugene James Andersen...” The stallion scribbled down what I had said. He slid over the paper to me, along with the quill.

“Just sign here,” he pointed to a line. “initials here and here.” I skimmed through the contract, it was pretty basic. I did as he said and gave it back to him. I brought up a suitcase and have him thirty of the coins I had given Twilight earlier. He smiled and brought them to him. He reached out with his right hoof. I held out my right hand and shook his hoof.

“If you have any questions or need any help with the house, or the property that comes along with it just let me know. My office is downtown close to the Carousel Boutique, you won't miss it.”

“Thank you for your help.” I said, standing up from the chair and stretching my back. “And I'll be sure to contact you if anything I can't handle arises.”

With that, he left the house... my house.

“Eugene?” I heard Twilight say. I groaned. “Why didn't you say your full name when we first met?”

“Because I'm not particularly fond of that name. Not even my mom call me Eugene and my siblings only call me that when they want to mess with me.” I started walking around the house to get a feel for it. “So I'm Jay, not Eugene. My mom would only use my full name if I was in deep shit for causing something.”

“Like Pinkie's real name is Pinkamena?” Spike piped up. I blinked.

“Uh, yeah. My name's not really that, but I listen to it and is used to it.”

“Makes sense, I guess...” Twilight said. “So, wanna go to the backyard and see what's there?”

“Actually, I was just heading there. Come on.” I opened a door that lead out to a patio that had a walkway to a decently sized pool. Four sunchairs were along the side of the pool. I sat down in one and sighed.

“I have a feeling this is gonna be fuckin' awesome.”

Author's Note

HI PEOPLE

Were you surprised? I sure as hell was when I suddenly got a feeling to get back to writing. I know that this probably isn't nearly the same quality as the previous chapters, but I'm trying to get back into writing.

Ch. 9 - No brain, a lot of pain

Jay furrowed his brow and narrowed his eyes, steeling himself for what to come. A quick glance over his shoulder showed Spike doing the same. A small, challening grin etched itself onto the young dragon's face. Rolling his shoulders, Jay turned to look forward once again. He could almost taste the competitive air surrounding the two.

Twilight, however was not amused. At all. ”You two are going to get hurt and when you do I'm gonna say 'I told you so'”. Her frown somehow became deeper as another thought came to her mind. ”By the way, how was I dragged into this again?”

”Because we needed a judge so none of us cheat!” Jay called out to Twilight with a childish grin, making the unicorn groan. After a pinch of playing around, Jay was back to being all business.

”Alright, Spike! In three!” Jay hollered. He didn't get an answer as Spike prepared himself for what to come.

”One!”

Shoulders braced and leaning forward slightly, Jay was about to prove himself the champion.

”Two!”

Spike was the new kid on the block, and he was gonna show this veteran his moves. Twilight facehoofed and groaned miserably at the situation.

”Three!”

With that, the contestants were off...

...By sliding on a matress down the split staircases on each side. Spike hollered in unbridled joy as he went. Jay, however was a bit more vocal about it.

”Fuuuuuuuuuuuck yeaaaaaaah!” Jay whooped as he went down. Twilight just sat still, contemplating who she had wronged to be forced to endure this unbridled display of idiocy and childishness. To ease her mind though, the two racers both reached the floor at the exact same time.

She also noticed that the matresses were heading on a collision course, also evident by the expressions of Jay and Spike. Their 'vehicles' collided with a soft 'bump' and a crumpled matress each. Jay and Spike however flew off them and sailed towards eachother.

Twilight considered simply catching them and avoid some bruises, she reconsidered when they'd probably get in their heads to go at it again when they had a safety net. Her deadpan expression could have probably gotten a Royal Guards seal of approval.

For the two morons, time seemed to slow down as they readied themselves.

“CLONK”

Twilight sighed. Boys will never learn, will they? After the heavy thump, Spike and Jay sat on the floor, rubbing their heads after the hit. Jay was quicker to get himself together and turned to their reluctant judge.

“So... Who won?” He asked. At this, Spike also turned his head to the unicorn.

“It was a tie. And I told you so. You both got hurt.” Twilight admonished. She had a feeling that not much was going to change as the two exchanged a rather long glance.

“Rematch?” Jay suggested, still rubbing the sore spot on his head.

“Rematch.” Spike answered with a grin. With laughs, they hiked the matresses up the stairs for another go. Jay carried his under his arm when Spike struggled to drag it behind him.

When the task was finished, they settled down, ready for another go. Twilight stared longingly at the still empty liquor cabinet in the other side of the room. A terrible ruckus was made as they raced down the stairs for the second time of the day. Unsurprisingly, with the same outcome.

“CLONK”

“Ow...”

She sighed and just continued staring at the liquor cabinet.

Jay and Spike, now with bruises and bumps on their heads had decided on a tie after the fourth attempt with the exact same, painful outcome. Twilight had merely frowned and subtly reminded them that it was stupid even before going at it the first time. The answered she had received had merely been a few careless shrugs from the two, with an added 'no pain, no gain' from Jay.

The two former contestants sat now holding an icepack each to their heads, eating ice cream like nothing had happened earlier. At this point, Twilight was busy lecturing them the dangers of hitting your head repeatedly.

As she finished her tirade with a pointed glare to especially the human who had instigated the whole event, he smiled at her.

“Well Twilight,” he said, holding down his ice cream to speak. “there's nothing wrong with a bit of a competitive streak.”

“Not when that certain streak contains repeated blows to the head.” Twilight calmly pointed out, or as calm as she could. “Honestly Jay, how come you can be this reckless?” She gestured with a hoof toward his and Spike's heads.

“You won't know if something works until you've tried it, right?” Jay answered, still holding that smile that was driving Twilight nuts. “'sides, Spike agreed to this. Right, champ?” Jay asked with a pat on Spike's back.

“Yep! It was really fun too, I don't get why you didn't try it out, Twilight. It's great!” Spike replied happily, ice cream spread all over his face.

“Mostly because I don't like getting hurt.” She said, still grumpy.

Jay glanced at the matress he had pulled forward for them to sit on when enjoying the cold treat. At a desk behind Twilight, he spotted a roll of duct tape. A thought clicked in his head and his gentle smile threatened to break out into a full-out shit eating grin if he wouldn't have restrained himself.

He leaned over to Spike and whispered out his plan to the dragon. Spike's eyes roamed over to the matress they were sitting on, then to the duct tape and finally his eyes settled on Twilight who was focusing on something else.

“Alright, Spike. You grab the tape and I'll hold her down. In three... two...” Jay whispered. As their internal clock went off, they sprung to action.

Twilight had no time to react as she was suddenly pushed down on the matress she was sitting on moments ago. Her surprise doubled as she saw her loyal assistant hand her assailant duct tape. With quick work and a lot of swearing from the lavender unicorn, Twilight was duct taped to a matress while Jay carried her up the stairs, still cursing to high heavens.

Some of the things she said would even have the most hardened of cursing, dirty sailors blush and cover their ears from the verbal onslaught.

Finally at the top of the stairs, Jay hefted her down on the floor. Leaning forward, resting his hands on his thighs, he took a deep breath. “Come... on... Twilight. I'm pretty sure you'll enjoy this. Just trust me.”

Spike joined him at his side, starting to regret the idea they pulled off.

“When I get out of this, I swear I will do what Cadence did to Sombra feel like a soft tickle!” She hollered. Spike gulped and Jay gave her a confused stare. Spike considered himself lucky that throughout this ordeal, Twilight had forgotten about her magic and went with cursing at them. Loudly.

“Whatever, I'm sure we'll figure it out by then. Have a nice trip!” Throwing off a mock salute, Jay gave the matress a gentle kick and down she went, cursing up another storm as she went down on her bumpy way.

Spike and Jay leaned toward the railing from the second level, staring down at the unicorn. She was completely silent, save for some rough breathing. A pang of regret flashed through Jay but that thought died quickly as he heard Twilight... growling?

Small plumes of smoke came from the tape and it melted off her. She stood up slowly and looked up at them. Her eyes were pure white and she gritted her teeth, thoroughly sick of their shit.

“So...” Jay glanced at Spike, trying to keep a wary eye at the very angry unicorn. “Should we run?”

His answer did not come from Spike, as Twilight screamed and her coat became pristine white and her mane turned into fire. She glared up at them with wide, very angry red eyes. She was still breathing heavily.

“Yeah, I think I got my answer right there...” Jay slowly picked up Spike, preparing himself to dart off at a moment's notice.

Twilight let out a nearly animalistic roar.

“CHEESE IT!” Jay screamed and bolted off through the second floor, an angry unicorn right behind him.

Jay did not scream like a little girl. And he certainly did not cry, it was merely from the speed of which he was running.

Author's Note

I think I'm getting the hang of this again...

Ch. 10 - Days

Author's Note

Ch. 10 - Days

A day later..

I turned off the coffeemaker and moved the pot away from the heater, pouring myself a mug before setting it back on the counter. Grabbing the sandwich I had made earlier, I moved to the table and pulled out a chair. I looked around in the kitchen, nothing stood out of the ordinary. Everything was still in perfect condition and untouched.

Not a sound. Nothing. All I can hear is a very low sound of the town coming alive. I rubbed some sleep out of my eyes then rolled my shoulders.

It's too quiet. I don't like this at all. No sound, nothing. I'm completely alone. I feel a weight settle on my shoulders and my chest tightened. I can't draw a single breath without it feeling short and forced.

My hands are shaking... I need to stop this. 'Get back in control of yourself, Jay! What's happening to you, dude?! 'I tried to assert control of my own body, but the panic of what's happened to me over the past days are creeping back to me.

My breakfast long forgotten, I jet up from my chair, making it fall over and clatter on the marble floor.

It's as if I can hear and see my family here with me. I can hear them talking about their coming day. From the house being dead quiet, it's now just full to the brim of loud imagined noises. I cover my ears and shut my eyes as hard as I can.

The sounds doesn't stop. They just won't stop. I start to feel sick as I can hear my heart thumping harder and faster as the seconds pass.

I gritted my teeth as I felt my hands shaking harder while they were still covering my ears. I could make out what sounded like my mom talking to me, my dad laughing at another stupid joke, my sister asking me to take her into town later, an off hand mention from my dad that my older brother is coming over later. It started blending together again, louder by the second.

“Shut up...” I hissed through my teeth. “Shut up.” The sounds were still growing louder. “Shut the fuck up!” I nearly yelled. It felt nearly deafening now “SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP!” I roared at the top of my lungs and the sounds stopped.

I fell to the wall behind me, slowly sliding down until I was sitting down. I hugged my legs to my chest and leaned forward.

I can't go home. I physically can't go home on my own accord. I'm helpless. I tried to ignore the tears staining my jeans but to no avail. “God dammit” I sniffed and wiped my face with the back of my hand.

I hate being alone. Truth is, I bought this house just so I could get out of Twilight's hair cause I know I can go too far with jokes or my actions. I wanted to make it so she had a place of her own again in case she just fucking hates my guts and just hangs with me because Princess Celestia told her to.

“God damn, I'm fuckin' pathetic, aren't I?” I groaned and sniffed again, burrowing my face into my legs and shivering as my back touched the cold wall where my shirt had ridden up slightly.

I heard a gasp from a few feet away and hooves clopping on the stone floor faster as they came closer to me.

“Jay! Are you okay?!”

-------------------------------

THIRD PERSON SWITCH

-A few minutes earlier-

“-and that's when they got off the train. Jay just gave me a ten thousand coin, even though he only borrowed two thousand from me!” Twilight said to Rarity and Fluttershy as they were making their way up the road to the mentioned humans home.

“Ten thousand, darling?!” Rarity gasped, stopping momentarily to raise a hoof to her mouth. Her friends kept walking while looking at her. Rarity hurried her pace momentarily to catch up to them.

“I know, right? I told him that it was too much but he just shrugged me off and told me to keep the change!” Twilight shook her head “I tried to give it back to him but he wouldn't have any of it.”

“That's very nice of him.” Fluttershy added. “So in which house did he live in now, anyway?” The pegasus looked around.

Twilight gestured to a house at the end of the road. “That one.” Her friends gasped even louder. “I don't know why he wanted to buy that house when there are much cheaper ones around here...” She turned to the girls, who were staring at the house in question. “Girls..?”

Rarity was the first one to shake out of her stupor. “Oh my dear sweet Celestia... I didn't know he has such a fine taste in housing...” Fluttershy nodded.

“Let's head inside.” Twilight walked forward to the gate control, quickly tapping in the code that Jay gave her earlier. Gesturing to her friends, they walked down the road to the house and passed the fountain.

Walking up to the front door, Twilight frowned as she felt that it was locked when she tried to open the door with her magic. She levitated a pot to her right up slightly and fished out a key from below and unlocked it.

“Jay, hello?” She called into the house. “It's me, Twilight. I came to visit with Fluttershy and Rarity!” No answer was heard, making the unicorn frown. 'Strange... He's not sleeping, is he?' She walked inside the house, her friends following her. The scent of freshly made coffee convinced her that he was in fact, not asleep. She started walking toward the kitchen when a sudden noise made her stop.

She heard... Sniffling? She stopped and perked her ears in the direction of the kitchen. Rarity and Fluttershy, judging from the look of their faces had also heard it. Twilight slowed her walking and stopped to listen more.

“God damn, I'm fuckin' pathetic, aren't I?” Another sniffle was heard. Twilight hurried up to investigate. As she turned the corner into the kitchen, she saw Jay sitting with his back to the wall and hiding his head in his legs. He looked like he had been crying. A chair was haphazardly thrown back and a still smoking mug of coffee and a sandwich as on the table.

She gasped while Rarity and Fluttershy were quiet as they took in the scene.

“Jay! Are you okay?!” Twilight called out. Jays head snapped up and his eyes locked on her. The red in his eyes revealed that he had indeed been crying.

“Oh shit... Twilight, didn't expect you so soon...” Jay wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and stood up slowly. “Sorry that I wasn't at the door to greet you, was busy doing human things!” He gave her an extremely forced smile.

“Jay, what's wrong? Did something happen?” Twilight walked closer to him, righting the flipped chair and placed it by the table.

“No, I just...” Jay took a half-step back, but sighed and slumped his shoulders. “I was just thinking that I really am stuck here. It finally hit me. I'm alone. 100 percent. I'm the only human in Equestria...” He ran a hand through his dark brown hair. “I kinda got to thinking about my family and all and... It... just hurts, y'know?”

Twilight's eyes softened away from the questioned look she was giving him. She didn't expect him to just pour it out that easily.

“And... I'm sorry for just being an asshole to you all the time. I guess I'm just trying not to think too hard about things...” He continued. Twilight nodded softly.

“It's fine, Jay. Goodness, I don't know how I would react if I was in your position” Twilight replied after planning a good response. “I know I can't say too much to help, but if you need someone to talk to you can talk to me anytime.” Twilight gave him a small smile.

“Thank you, Twilight. I really mean it.” Jay reached out a hand to her, Twilight reached out her hoof and assuringly squeezed his hand for a few seconds.

A cough from behind them brought both of them back to reality. They turned to a smiling Rarity and Fluttershy. “Now now, as heartwarming as that was I believe Jay hasn't touched his food yet.”

Jay nodded, walking to the table and grabbing his sandwich and coffee mug. “Come on, I'll show you girls round the house while I eat.” He took a long sip, leading the mares around his estate.

After the tour was finished, they had ended up in the back of his house next to the pool. Jay sat on one of the chairs with Rarity next to him, Twilight and Fluttershy walking around his rather big yard exploring every nook and cranny.

Rarity turned to him. “Look, Jay...” He looked away from Twilight to her. “I'm sorry I acted so... Confrontational when you first came here. I was merely thinking of the safety of one of my closest friends...”

Jay nodded in understanding. “It's fine. I know the things I did earlier were bad and I came at you kinda strong... I guess I was still reeling from the fact that I'm stuck here.” He scratched the back of his neck. He turned back to Twilight and Fluttershy, only to see nothing. No trace of them

“That's weird... I'll go check where they went...” He said to Rarity who gave him a slight nod.

Jay walked down the lawn until he came to what looked like a break in the fence. Scowling, he tried to look past the damage but couldn't see anything. “God dammit, gonna have to fix that...” He muttered. He stared at the fence, then back at Rarity who was leaning back at the chair to catch some sun. “Fuck it...

He pushed through the break, knicking his arm on some exposed metal and swore. He kept going until he saw some light behind the bush. Just as he was about to move the last branch, his foot snagged on something and he fell forward through it

“Ow, shit...” He rolled over on his back, sighed and stood up. “I gotta be more careful...” He turned around, only to be blasted in the face by several confetti shots.

“SURPRIIIIIIIIIIISE”

He screamed.

Ch. 11 - LOUD NOISES

Author's Note

I will write up a blogpost soon which will reveal my decision on the shared universe of Xenophobia and this story.

Also yes, since I just got back here I currently have no secondary editing in place except for what I spot myself.

Ch. 11 - LOUD NOISES

Jay's scream slowly died down and he opened his eyes to stare at the scene in front of him. Right there in the middle stood Pinkie, surrounded by several ponies he didn't know along with Twilight and Fluttershy who were giving him victorious smirks.

”I mean, uh... Wow, what a surprise!” He put a hand on his chest where his heart was. ”Jesus Christ Pinkie, you almost gave me a heart attack...” Jay took a few slow breaths. The branches rustled behind him and parted from magic.

Rarity came out, looking disgusted from the fact that she had to pass through something dirty like that. She looked up at Jay with a smile after she cleaned herself off with a quick spell.

“Jay, welcome to your party! Pinkie decided to wait to host it until you had settled down.” The party pony in question waved madly at the two. “So once we gave her the go-ahead, she went to business and nearly tore the town in half looking for supplies...” Rarity looked less than pleased as she said that. “And here we are, ready to socialize!” She made a grand gesture with her right hoof at the crowd waiting for his blessing.

Jay cast a suspicious glance to the gathered ponies. When he didn't see any nearby throwable rocks or pitchforks in the crowd, he gave a smile and held out his arms.

“Well then, let's get started!” A cheer came and everyone started talking to eachother, some even asked him a few short questions.

Rarity's eyes widened as she noticed the blood on his arm.

“Darling, is this blood?” Jay snapped to attention to the prissy pony as he felt a warmth on his right arm.

“Yeah, I knicked it on the fence when I was passing through, no biggie.” He moved to wipe the blood off his arm with his shirt. He heard a gasp from in front of him and something zipping at him. He turned to see Fluttershy examining the cut on his arm.

“Come, let's go over there and get it cleaned.” She put a wing on his back and walked toward a bench which had some napkins and water on a nearby table. Jay rolled his eyes but decided not to argue with her. Getting situated, he held out his arm for her.

“Could you um... Pull up your sleeve some more..? If that's not a problem for you, of course!” Fluttershy twirled her hooves, not looking directly at him.

“Sure, no problem.” Jay did as he was asked, pulling up his right sleeve and sighing as he tried to focus on something else as Fluttershy went to work cleaning off the blood and putting a bandaid on it. Something caught her attention though.

“What's this..?” She asked him, looking at the mark on his arm. She could only see part of it as the rest of it was still hidden under his shirt. It looked like two black rose thorns entwining.

“Oh that? That's just my tattoo. Here, let me show you...” He took off his shirt, not caring that he was now effectively topless. “Here.” He turned his upper body so she could see his shoulder better.

The intertwining rose thorns continued up his arm, leading her eyes to what looked like a bear skull facing her directly with the maw open and the top of it cracked. She eeped and looked away. Jay looked at her in confusion before he put his shirt back on and looked around at the party that was in full swing around the two.

“Is that what your s-special talent is?” She wouldn't look at him anymore

“Special talent..?” He scratched his chin with a left hand, noting to himself that he really should shave soon. “What do you mean?”

“Well...“ Fluttershy began, clearing her throat. “For ponies, our cutiemarks represent what our special talent is. Like my butterflies mean that I'm good at taking care of animals.”

Jays eyes widened as he understood what she meant, giving her a quiet “Oh.” Jay leaned back and rested his elbows on the table behind him. “For humans, a tattoo means you want to mark yourself with something, or someone you really like.” He made a small gesture with his left hand toward his right shoulder.

“Tattoos are art, your body is the canvas to put it simply. There's no deeper meaning to a tattoo, like it doesn't specify your identity like a... cutiemark would.” Jay tried his hardest to sound serious as he said the name of their marks.

“I see...” Fluttershy said after a while. “So... How do you get a tattoo if no magic is involved?”

“A needle dipped in ink poking your skin very, very fast.” Jay answered without missing a beat.

When no reply was heard, he turned to Fluttershy who was looking very pale and her pupils were the size of pinpricks. “Uh...” He waved a hand in front of her eyes. “Hello, anyone home..?” When no reaction was made or a sound from the pony, Jay decided to get up and leave her alone for a few minutes, shrugging as he walked away.

“Hey, Twilight.” Jay called to the unicorn as he came closer to her. “Sup Spike!” Jay extended a fist to the young dragon, who bumped his fist with his own. “Hell of a turnup, didn't expect so many ponies to bother showing up..”

Twilight frowned at his choice of words but decided not to speak up on it as Jay would probably see that as a challenge of her patience. “Well, not many ponies pass on one of Pinkie's parties.” Twilight replied, nodding to a stallion who greeted her. “And uh... Well, ponies are interested in knowing about you!”

Jay spat out his drink, barely missing an earth pony mare. He hacked and coughed for a few seconds, apologized to the mare and turned to Twilight with a raised eyebrow. “Knowing about me? Why?” Jay frowned at his now empty cup and threw it in a nearby trash can.

“Well... Most of the questions are about how you got here, when you got here and where to send the bills for property damage...” Twilight said the last part sheepishly, rubbing the back of her head with a hoof.

“Alright then...” Jay patted his thighs, rolled his shoulders and looked around until he found what he looked for. “Yo Pinkie!” He called out. As if appearing from thin air, the party pony popped into existence in front of him.

“Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, Jay?” She bounced to his head level and stayed suspended in mid air, making him recoil slightly at her sudden appearance and from her obvious useage of ancient eldritch magicks.

“Uh...” Jay meekly raised a hand and pointed at a nearby stage. “Is that microphone on the stage plugged in?”

Pinkie, still frozen in air did a sudden ninety-degree turn to where he was pointing. “Yup! That one is plugged in and ready to make some noise!”

Jay raised both his hands to his head and rubbed his temples, then held out his hands toward Pinkie. He turned and snapped his head to Twilight, mouthing 'what the fuck' and silently demanding an explanation for this bullshittery.

Sighing as he gave up trying to figure it out, he gave Pinkie a small smile. “Thanks, now if you'll excuse me...” Pinkie dropped to the ground behind him, ignoring Twilight's giggling.

He made his way through the crowd of ponies, apologizing and answering a few questions on his way to the stage. When he reached the stage, he jumped up and nearly stumbled. Righting himself and coughing awkwardly with a small blush on his cheeks, he approached the microphone and tapped it.

A crowd started to form at the noise, giving him their attention. He frowned as the microphone barely reached his stomach. Unscrewing a nut on the stand, he started to pull it up. And up. Aaaand up until it popped out of place and the stand splitting in two.

He fumbled to catch the upper piece of the stand without breaking anything. Finally settled, he heard laughs coming from the crowd and he gave them a crooked smile. He pulled the microphone loose and disposed of the metal rod, clearing his throat.

“Thanks everyone for coming out this morning,” He began, raising the microphone to his mouth. “I heard from the resident librarian slash nerd that some of you had questions for me.” He held down the mic and scanned the crowd.

A hoof lifted near the back. Bringing the mic back up, he pointed at a mint green unicorn in the back. “Yeah, you! Please say your name so I can give you a straight answer.” He waited patiently.

“I'm Lyra Heartstrings, I just wanted to know how you got back here after the last time?” She looked at him expectantly

Jay chewed his lower lip for a few seconds. “Well, I can't explain it too well...” He shrugged. “All I know is that the portal here was a dimensional anomaly thing which closed soon after I came back. Next question?” He looked over the crowd again until another hoof lifted. He pointed at an earth pony stallion this time.

“I'm Time Turner. So... You said that the portal closed, does that mean you can't go home?” The stallion asked, kicking the dirt. “Sorry for saying it so harhsly...”

Jay could feel his muscles tense and the tightness in his chest returning. He took a few slow breaths to calm down before answering. “Yes, that does mean I can't go home until another anomaly is found. There's no guarantee that anomaly will bring me to the right dimension either...” He ran a hand through his hair.

“And a follow up answer to that if anyone's curious, I came back here around a week ago.” As he said that, a few hooves dropped down as he answered their question. A new hoof shot up.

“Your turn, miss!” He pointed to an earth pony mare close to the front. Since she was the closest, he sat down on the edge of the stage. “Go ahead. I'm all ears.”

“I'm Daisy, I run a flower stand in town and... I'm sorry to ask this but when you were here the first time you wrecked my cart and I had to buy a new one...” She looked down at the ground.

“I'll cover the costs that you spent on your new cart, no problem.” He looked her straight in the eyes with a smile and stood back up. “In fact, all of the property damage costs will be covered. All I need is a name, a reason and an amount!”

He scanned the crowd once again, noticing several smiles. He saw Twilight standing in the back of the crowd with a huge grin and she was excitedly hopping around on her hooves.

“So, who here needs that?” Almost all the hooves in the vicinity shot up instantly, even Rarity's hoof joined in. His mouth formed a very thin line and he felt sweat bead on his forehead.

He sighed. This was gonna take a while. Recieving a parchment and an inkwell courtesy of Twilight, he set to work.

“Form a line, ponies!”

A couple of hours after the party had ended and everypony had gone home, Jay walked home with a lavender unicorn in tow. He was slightly buzzed. He had to exert some self control, after all. It wouldn't be right to be shitfaced while writing IOU's.

“I've lost all feeling in my hand.” Jay stated.

“You did a good thing stepping up to take responsibility that, Jay!” Twilight hummed happily as she browsed through the scroll of names and numbers.

“It feels like my hand is about to fall off.” He moaned and shook his right hand a few times.

“Stop acting like a little filly Jay and let me count this real quick...” Twilight leaned forward from the couch in Jay's living room and tapped the quill against her chin, her eyes scanning over the papers back and forth.

She brought the quill down to a paper on the glass table in front of her full of scribbles and wrote some more on it. Jay laid down on the couch on the other side of the table, absent-mindedly listening to the scratches of quill against paper, rolling his wrist.

He frowned. “...My hand still hurts.”

“Oh you'll be fine, just put some ice on it and stop moving it around so much...” Twilight spared him a glance. Looking up at the grandfather clock to their right, she noticed that it was getting rather late. “I should get going soon, I got to make sure Spike doesn't stay up too long.” She got up from the couch and stretched.

“Twilight..?” Jay looked at her. “Look, I just wanted to say uh...” His eyes fell from her to the floor, then back. “Thank you for y'know... Helping me so much and stuff.” He sat up from the couch and stretched his arms behind him and stood up.

“No problem, Jay!” Twilight smiled up at him as they started walking toward the door. “Friends help eachother with whatever they got.”

Friends, Huh? That's new.

Opening the door for her, he followed her outside to the steps. “I'll maybe see you tomorrow, Twilight. I gotta head to town hall and do some things.”

“Feel free to drop by the library when you're done, our doors are always open!” Twilight waved farewell to him and walked to the gate.

Jay walked back inside and locked the door behind him. Sighing, he heard the warning beep of the gate opening from his security system. He slowly walked up the stairs, dragging a hand on the railing, he continued walking to the master bedroom once on the second floor.

Once inside his bedroom, he pulled off his shirt and threw it on a chair in the corner. Lying down on the bed, he scratched his right arm and stared at the ceiling. Seconds ticked off to minutes to what eventually felt like hours.

After some rolling around, he closed his eyes. They snapped open a few moments later as he realized his mistake.

“Shit, I forgot to check up on Fluttershy...”

Meanwhile in the park...

Fluttershy shook her head, noticing it was dark and that nopony was around.

“Hello..? Anypony?”

She heard a howl in the distance and squeaked then ran home as fast as she possibly could, doing her hardest to ignore all sounds around her.

Ch. 12 - I don't look for trouble...

Author's Note

Sorry for the delay, lads! Busy with christmas and work. Have a good new year and stay safe!

Ch. 12 - I don't look for trouble...

I locked the door behind me and grumbled. It was way too early in the morning to do anything, let alone go outside and do business. I pinched the bridge of my nose and groaned before I pocketed the key to my house and jammed my hands in my pockets.

Fiddling around with the key in my right pocket, I walked toward the gate. When I was close enough, the gate opened on its own. I walked through and turned towards the town. I heard a loud click when the gate closed to confirm that it locked.

Looking down towards the town, I saw that it was starting to come to life. Ponies were bustling around, pulling carts and setting up stands for the day. I kept walking slowly, eyeing the ponies as I came closer into town with every step. I almost felt like turning on my heel and walk back home when ponies started noticing me walking past them. I nodded to a few ponies I talked to during the party Pinkie threw for me. They smiled back at me before they returned to work.

My gaze fell back to the ground, my hands still in my pockets.

I really don't understand. They should hate me. They really should fuckin' hate me. What I did was not acceptable by any means. I know this, that's why I've been trying to make changes so I don't appear like a big ol' asshole who just destroys everything. Still, I would understand if they would just hate my guts. All I did was keep my mouth shut for six hours.

It's insane, really.

I hear chattering amongst the ponies, nothing really picks up my attention so I keep walking. I feel a bump to my ankle and stop walking. A small red ball slowly rolled away from me. I look around and see a very small pony stare at me with wide eyes and its ears pinned back to its skull. I sigh and crouch down, taking the ball.

“Hey, is this yours?” I say to the kid. It nods slowly. “Here you go, be careful so no-one trips on it and falls.” I reach out the hand holding the ball.

The small pony walked carefully to me, then looked up at my eyes. Once it had a grip on the ball I let go and stood back up.

“Th-thanks...” Sounded like a girl, alright then. She didnt look at me and scampered off with the ball. I turned around, put my hands back in my pockets and kept walking down the street toward the town hall.

'Figures. The big human is still scary for them.' I chewed the inside of my left cheek for a few seconds. 'I'm way taller than most ponies, so I must be a giant for them. Oh well...'

Finally making it to the town hall, I looked up at the massive wooden doors. I rubbed the back of my neck with my right hand, sighed and walked up the steps. I pushed the doors open and walked inside. The pony at the reception desk stared at me for a few seconds with wide eyes.

“Hello, I'm here to talk with who ever is in charge here...” I sat down at a very small chair next to an equally small table. The chair creaked from my weight.

“Oh! Um... Well, the one in charge here is Mayor Mare, however she hasn't come in yet. She should arrive in a few minutes...”

The mare behind the desk pushed up her glasses and smiled at me. Her coat was white and her mane was a very light red with a very light green streak. On her nose rested a pair of round black rimmed glasses. She had a few freckles on her cheeks and was slightly pudgy. I nodded to her.

“Alright, I don't have anything better to do so I can wait...” I closed my eyes and leaned back, trying to ignore how uncomfortable this chair was.

“Excuse me...” The mare from the desk said. I cracked an eye open at her. “New protocol is that anypony wanting to see the mayor has to write their name and what they want with her...” She slid a paper up the desk.

Sighing, I stood up and dusted off my pants. “Fine.”

I ran a hand through my hair, which reminded myself that I really needed to get it cut. I walked toward the desk, leaning down slightly so I could actually see what was on the paper. The pony handed me a pen and I thanked her.

I scribbled my name down quickly, then stopped when I saw the next box to fill in.

Reason:

I coughed awkwardly and smiled up at the receptionist who gave me a small smile back. My brain churned as I tried to think of just one reason as to why. I eventually shrugged and just went with the broadest term I could think of to describe what I did.

Reason: Property damage.

I leaned back up and slid over the paper to the mare. She looked down at the paper, then up at me.

“So... Jay, huh?” She adjusted her glasses again. “Can't see I've seen anypony like you before.” She shuffled on her seat. “I just moved here from Manehattan around two weeks ago...”

“I'm not a pony, I'm a human.” I grinned at her. She shrunk back as she looked at my mouth and noticed my canines. I promptly closed my mouth and felt like an asshole. “Well uh, I kinda got stuck here a couple of days ago. Was here earlier a couple of months ago, which is why I'm here now.”

“...Property damage?” She asked with a crooked eyebrow. Her glasses had went down her nose again, looking up at me.

I felt a small blush creep on my cheeks. “It was uh...” I scratched the back of my head sheepishly with my left hand. “I kinda freaked out and thought I was in an intense lucid fever dream and decided to wake myself up doing several things until I realized that it wasn't a dream...” I gave her an awkward smile.

She raised a hoof to her mouth and giggled. We both jumped as the doors slammed open. An older mare with a brown coat and gray hair walked inside, sharply turning left to head toward another door. She never looked up at me.

“Strawberry, do I have any requests this morning?” Mayor Mare stopped and yawned, then turned toward me and the desk. Her eyes narrowed and she took a few quick steps toward me and talked in a voice that nearly made me empty my bowels on the spot. “You.”

I quickly raised my hands defensively. “Hey, hey!” I took a step back, nearly tripping on the carpet behind me. “I'm not here to argue or fight! I'm here to set things straight! I promise!”

The older mare was standing right in front of me, leaning into me and staring me right into my eyes, as if she was searching for something.

She sighed. “Okay, fine...” She turned around and walked back toward the doors at the far end of the room. “Follow me.” She stood next to the door and I walked behind her. I followed her to her office.

She held up the door to her office and I stepped in. She walked in behind me and locked the door. She glared at me for a few seconds as she slowly made her way to her desk.

“Sit.” She pointed at another chair that was much too small for me. I sat down. She rested her head on her hooves and leaned forward. “So, let's talk about property damage.” She said with an almost evil grin.

I gulped.

“A HUNDRED THOUSAND BITS?!” Spike yelled.

“Yup...” I said, resting my chin to my left palm as I sat on the steps to the library. I looked over to Spike who was pacing back and forth.

“That is a LOT of money, dude...” He said, rubbing his tiny hands on his face. I shrugged.

“Well, could have been a lot worse.” I scratched my cheek. “Could have been more money or I could have been thrown into jail.” I looked up at the clear sky and narrowed my eyes as I saw a lone dark cloud make its way closer slowly.

“I guess...” Spike shrugged. “But what are you gonna do when you run out of money?” Spike looked up at me. I glanced down at him. “Utilities and things like that do cost money. And food.”

“You make a good point there, dude.” I patted his head. I stood up and stretched my back. “I gotta think of something. Can't be too hard to get a g-AH FUCK!”

I flinched as a bolt of lightning hit right next to where I had just been sitting. I jumped forward, looking up at the lone cloud. I narrowed my eyes.

“Spike, those winged horses can control clouds and shit like that, right?” I asked him as I crouched down and picked up a decently sized rock, weighing it in my hands.”

Spike, still recoiling from what just happened stuttered. “Y-yeah...” He looked up and spotted the cloud. “Wait, isn't that Rainbow Da-”

I didn't give Spike time to finish his sentence as I reared back and threw the rock as hard as I could at the cloud. A loud thud came from it and I could see rainbow coloured hair flick away from the cloud, then I heard a quiet growl.

Another lightning bolt struck, hitting my left arm.

I couldnt even scream before my vision went black.

Ch.13 - ...Trouble looks for me

Spike didn't know what to say, or what to do. It all happened so fast.

Jay was talking to him, then all of a sudden a bolt of lightning nearly hit him. Jay had picked up a rock and thrown it at a cloud. Rainbow Dash was on that cloud, then another bolt hit its mark on Jay.

There was a flash of light and the smell of something burning. When the light faded, Jay had stopped talking and was just staring straight ahead with his mouth open, before his eyes rolled back and he fell straight backwards from standing up.

That was two hours ago now.

Rainbow Dash had taken off when she saw the effect, disposing off the cloud as she zipped off. He had ran into the library and fetched Twilight, who told him to go and get Fluttershy after he had explained to her what had happened. That was also almost two hours ago now.

Spike's head was hanging. He didn't know why he got so scared when he saw Jay slump down on the ground looking so... Helpless. Sure, Jay could go over several lines to make a point. He was a loudmouth and most of the things he did made Spike want to scratch his head in confusion.

If he'd guess, it was because Jay treated him like he would anypony else. He didn't care that he was a dragon or anything like that. He was just... Spike to him.

Spike had ben walking around town trying to find Rainbow, to no luck. He had checked the Sugarcube Corner, her favourite spot to nap in the park and even had walked all the way to Applejack's farm. Nothing, it was almost as if she had disappeared.

Nearing the library, Spike shuddered as he walked and opened the door, stepping inside.

“I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL HER!”

Spike jumped at the yell, running upstairs to Twilight's room. He stopped outside and heard voices inside.

“I'M GONNA EVISCERATE THAT FUCKING BITCH I SWEAR TO GOD!” Jay screamed.

“No you will not!” Twilight yelled back. “It could have been a mistake!”

Spike heard a thump. “A fucking mistake...” Jay spat out. “She missed once! She knew exactly what the fuck she was doing when she did it the second time!” Spike heard heavy steps come closer to the door. He took a step back as the door swung open. His jaw dropped open as he saw the human.

He was sickly pale, dark rings under his eyes. His left sleeve of his shirt was completely burned off and his entire arm was covered in bandages. Jay crouched down.

“'Sup, Spike?” Jay held out his right fist. Not sure what else to do, Spike bumped it with a fist of his own. “Are you alright? You didn't get hurt or anything like that?” Jay looked him over.

“No... I'm fine.” Spike scratched his left arm when he looked at the humans bandaged arm. “How are you? Why are you wearing that bandage..?”

Twilight walked out from behind the human, glaring at Jay and sighing at Spikes' question.

“It was... Complicated.” Her ears fell. “He had a cardiac arrest so I had to perform CPR... He came back but he was still unconscious.” Twilight eyed the human who had stood back up. “When Fluttershy came here, that's when we noticed how badly burnt his arm was...”

To prove it, Jay rolled away some of the bandage, biting back a swear and hissing. Spike gasped.

From where the bolt had hit his arm a big red mark had appeared. The sides of the mark were ruptured and splitting out into stems. Running down his arm was a thick red line that got thinner as it went down to his hand. On his hand the line split into smaller lines that curved and almost looked like patterns.

A gasp and rapid clopping sounded. “Jay! I told you to keep the bandages on and dont touch it!” Fluttershy scolded him. Jay rolled his eyes and pulled it down to cover his arm.

“But it itches like crazy...” Jay grumbled.

“That's because of the salve I put on it. Those are extreme burn marks...” Fluttershy had walked over to Jay and tightened the bandages again. “Remember to put it on daily and change to new bandages.”

“Fine... Thanks for the help, everyone.” Jay scratched the back of his neck with his right hand. “Now if you'll excuse me, I got a tiny horse who has an express meeting with my fist.”

Jay hobbled down the stairs, the ponies and the dragon staring at him as he went.

“Jay, No!” Twilight called after him.

- First person -

Where the fuck is she? I looked up at the sky, searching for a rainbow trail. My arm throbbed and hurt like hell but I'm too fucking angry to care.

I can barely move the fingers on my left arm. It feels almost as if it isn't mine the way its throbbing and hurting. It feels so... out of place.

“Geez, Rainbow! What happened to yer eye?!”

B-I-N-G-fuckin'-O.

I scowled and started walking faster to where I had heard the name being called out. I heard Fluttershy and Twilight calling out for me to stop so I increased my pace even more. I rounded a corner to see a rainbow-maned blue pegasus talk to an orange earth pony with a stetson on her head.

“Oh nothing big, AJ...” She ran a hoof through her mane. “I just got clocked in the eye by that stinkin' human!” She puffed out her chest. “I got him good with a bolt of lightning though! You should have seen that pansy!” She snickered. “He got so scared that he fell over!”

I gritted my teeth harder the closer I got. I cracked my knuckles. The orange pony stared at her, when she noticed me coming closer her jaw dropped.

“Yeah!” Rainbow laughed. “He looked exactly like that!” She wiped her face with her left foreleg. “Priceless...”

I whistled when I was close enough. She turned around to face me, her eyes widening. Her left eye had a shiner. Before she could react, I threw the hardest punch I could muster at her right eye.

Her head whipped back and she raised slightly to her rear hooves. Using both hands, I roughly pushed her to her back. She raised her hooves to her face, groaning. Seeing that her wings had flared out, I moved to her left side, stepped down on her left wing, ground it for a second then crouched down.

“Matching pairs now, shithead...” I growled. I looked behind me to see that Twilight and Fluttershy had also arrived. Shifting my weight to my leg that was on her wing, I leaned forward.

“Nice to see that you're already out bragging about nearly killing me back there...” I spat out, glaring death at her. She had moved her hooves from her face, staring at me with fear.

“Killing..?” She croaked out.

“Thaaaat's right.” I grinned. “Cardiac arrest, half the skin on my left arm burned off. If Twilight didn't know how to do CPR I would be dead right now.” I turned to Twilight, who shook her head before she used her magic to levitate me off Rainbow. “Isn't that right, Twilight? Let little miss murder know the truth...”

Twilight's eyes darted between me and Rainbow, then to the orange pony who was glaring at the pegasus on the ground who was getting up. Twilight sighed.

“It's true... Apparently, human bodies can't handle electricity as good as ponies. His heart stopped after the shock.” I looked around, a group of ponies had gathered around the scene. I saw Strawberry from the town hall staring at me. “If it wasn't for me and Fluttershy, he would be dead right now.”

I smiled as I took in the expression on Rainbow. Horror was one of them, then realization. Then her ears flicked around to the gathered ponies who were talking amongst themselves.

“Did Rainbow really do that?”

“Can't believe it... But look at his arm...”

“I know she's not the most rational pony around but attempting to kill somepony..?”

That was only a small piece of the chattering I heard. Her wings started twitching as she stared at me, then at Fluttershy who shook her head and turned away.

Then she took off. Straight up into the air, a rainbow trail that slowly disappeared was all that was left of her.

I turned around to walk home but I stumbled and nearly fell before I got caught by the same orange mare as earlier.

“Easy there, partner!” She said. “You alright there?”

“I'm fine... Just got a little dizzy back there.” I got back to my feet and took a deep breath. “Can't say I've seen you around before... I'm Jay, you?”

“I've heard some about ya from the girls. I'm Applejack. Pleasure meetin' ya, though I wish it would have been under better circumstances. That girl ain't right, I swear...” She shook her head.

Feeling stable enough, I took a step back from her. I looked up at the sky, seeing that the trail was gone completely. The crowd had dispersed, except for one pony.

Strawberry. I crooked an eyebrow at that.

“Thanks for that, I'm gonna head home now...” I nodded to Applejack and started walking out of town.

I started walking away from the ponies, deciding that I needed to go home and sleep forever. Can't say things aren't interesting here in Equestria...

I was almost out of town before I heard a voice call out to me. I turned around to see Strawberry kicking a stone.

“Umm...” She adjusted her glasses.

I raised an eyebrow once again. “Yes?”

“So... You weren't here looking for trouble?” She almost glared at me. “Then what the heck was that?!”

I started chuckling, then started laughing.

“You're right! I really don't look for trouble or anything like that. It's kinda different though...” I scratched my bandaged arm. “...Trouble looks for me.”

I ignored the pony as I continued walking home, starting to feel dizzy again. I bit back and continued on home.

Author's Note

Lichtenberg scarring is what I was trying to describe what was on his arm. There's a very small possibility of cardiac arrest when getting hit by lightning. Another thing it can cause is nerve damage, chronic dizziness and chronic nausea.

Boy, oh boy. Jay's gonna have f u n.

Arc 2 - A Type of Normalcy

Arc #2
of
Bad Company

In which Jay attempts to make a regular life happen. With his luck however, things can only go so well...

Ch. 14 - Planning Ahead... Kind of. Yeah, no...

Author's Note

Sorry for the delay lads, I had some family business to take care of and work is back on full now but I'll try to keep it up as much as I can.

Ch. 14 - Planning Ahead... Kind of. Yeah, no...

I pulled down the sleeve on my left arm further as I walked down the stairs and headed toward the kitchen. The bandages were as itchy as ever but I knew I'd make it worse if I scratched them anymore than necessary. A week had passed and most of the pain had gone away, gotta thank Fluttershy the next time I see her for giving me the salve and refusing to take any payment.

Naturally, word had spread of what had happened and what I did to Rainbow to retaliate. Once it came to Rarity she actually came over to check up on me. Seeing what was left of my shirt had made her dead set on making a completely new wardrobe for me, claiming that it would help her boutique by making clothes for the only human around. Not that I minded that much, of course.

“So since you said you wanted a job or something like that, what kind of job did you have in mind?” Twilight asked as I walked past her to the fridge.

Opening it and crouching down to see what was inside, I considered her question for a few seconds. “I dunno, really...” I reached for two sodas, stood up and closed the door with my left heel. “Back in my world I did some work with product development.” I cracked the can open and took a slow sip. “My left arm is still kinda out of it so I can't really do much physical work yet.”

“Well...” Twilight tapped a hoof to her chin. “Since you did development, why don't you take some human application and remodel it to equestrian use?” I handed her the second soda and she levitated it over to her, opened it and took a sip of her own.

I sat down opposite from her and scratched my chin. “You know, that's actually a really good idea... I can make a company that makes that sort of thing... Problem is, human products are usually made for... human use.” I flexed my left hand. “A lot of things rely on dexterity in controls that ponies that aren't unicorns can't use since magic can help you do a lot of fiddly things. Gotta have multiple uses and easy to use...”

Twilight's ears fell but perked almost instantly. “Well, I'm sure we can make it work somehow!”

I smiled at her enthusiasm and lightly shook my head. “So... Human things... For ponies...” I drummed my right fingers on the table. I stopped and looked down at my hand. I made a claw grip and started scratching my fingertips against the tabletop, making a sound. Twilight stared at my hand, then at me. I felt a grin come over my face and I bolted up to my feet.

“I got it!”

I ran out from the kitchen, up the stairs into my office to grab a pen and some paper then returned to where I had left Twilight in the kitchen. She tilted her head to me as I started drawing a rough sketch of what I had in mind. Once finished, I turned the paper to her with a grin.

She hummed. “I haven't seen anything like that before... What is it, exactly?”

“It's really simple, it's a backscratcher!” I pointed to the rod connecting the handle. “This is telescopic so you can make it longer for more reach.”

“I'll admit that it's an interesting idea but where will you find someone to make a prototype and then go through to production?”

“Let's just say I have a contact who knows his way around business in Canterlot...” He smirked.

“Oh? Who is it? Is it anyone I know?” Twilight barraged me with questions. I shrugged

“Eh, I dunno. He's at the castle and is one of the higher-ups there.” I took the drawing and eyed it for a couple of seconds. “I have to clean this up a bit though before I send it off to him though...”

“Well, if you need it sent off to the castle I'm sure Spike is eager to help. He's off with some of his friends right now but he'll be back later.” I nodded.

Sure, going back to Canterlot was pretty low on my to-do list but if I had understood Blueblood right, he was the head of a family corporation on the side of being a prince. I took another sip of my drink and swirled it in my mouth before setting it down on the table and swallowing.

Then again, I could remember it wrong on account of me being shitfaced back then...

“I can meet up with Spike after I've written another letter. Gotta head into town to pick up some groceries anyway...” A thought nagged at the back of my head.

'Dude, just ask her the question.'

What if it's stupid?

'As if that's anything new, we need to know this.'

“So...” I cleared my throat. Twilight's ears perked. “I was just wondering, if I'm the only human in Equestria how did you know how to do CPR on me?”

Her ears flattened and a small blush appeared on her face. “Well, I thought about minotaur and diamond dog anatomy since theyre both bipedal and winged some of it...”

“So you mean...”

“I kind of panicked, guessed where your heart was and started compressing where I thought it was...”

Huh. That explains some of the bruises I had on my chest. Another question came up. “Twilight, do you think I'm a bad person?”

Her eyes widened. “Well, I wouldn't say it like that.” She rubbed a foreleg. “Sure, you got your ways of doing things that are usually rather... Brutal.” She bit her lip and looked down at the floor. “I understand that you're still adjusting to being here and that some things are different in your world but,” She looked up into my eyes. “you have to calm down. You can't do everything and answering violence with violence will get you thrown in jail or worse eventually...”

I looked down on my left hand and started rubbing the scarring with my right hand slowly. I sighed. “I can't let everything go just like that, y'know...” I heard her sigh and about to say something. Before she could speak, I cut her off. “But if it can make things easier, I'll try.”

She gave me a deadpan stare “Do you mean it this time?”

I gave her a smirk and stuck my tongue out at her before responding. “That's a secret!” I heard a chime from the security system and raised my eyebrow. I stood up from my chair and walked over to the front door and opened a small cupboard.

Inside it was what looked like a really early fifties TV. Except for antennas, it had a small glowing blue crystal that had wires covering it. I turned it on and got static. “God fuckin' dammit.” I growled and smacked the side of it and the screen cleared up, sort of. I frowned as I scanned the screen.

Strawberry.

Again.

“What is it, Jay?” Twilight came over and looked at the screen as I unlocked the door and stepped outside. “Isn't that the mare who works at town hall..?”

“Yup.” I said as I scanned the ground. Satisfied by finding a small rock, I weighted it in my hand. “Her name's Strawberry. From Manehattan, moved here couple of weeks before I showed up, apparently.” I Stuck my left pointer finger in my mouth then raised it, feeling the wind. “She's been following me around though I've told her to fuck off like twenty times last week alone...”

I closed my left eye and balled my right hand into a fist, only holding up my thumb and lined it with my eye. “She comes over all the time after work, stalks me wherever I go and once tried to squeeze through the bars. Her fat ass got stuck...” I giggled at the memory. “So I've gone to the traditional way of dealing with things.” I took a running start, wound my right arm back and threw the rock as hard as I could.

It was dead silent as I saw the rock fly off. Twilight was staring at me with her eyes wide open. Like an excited kid, I skipped back to the screen as fast as I could. I caught the moment the rock knicked her in the head.

“Ow!”

She walked off, rubbing her head. Still smiling, I turned off the screen and closed the cupboard.

“I'm thinking of installing a tactical slingshot just for this reason.” I nodded with my arms folded.

“What happened to being nice?” Twilight glared at me.

“Weeell, Twilight” I crouched down and laid my right arm over her neck. “Change happens slowly, can't rush things. Baby steps.” Shit. Eating. Grin.

Twilight wiggled loose from me and huffed. I stood back up and tussled her mane. “Alright, I'm gonna go into town and get some food in the house.”

I fished my keys from my pocket and locked the door, walking toward the gate. Twilight sighed and then followed me.

“What do you mean there's no meat?!” I yelled at the pony behind the stand. “I haven't had a good steak in weeks, man!”

“I-I'm sorry sir but we usually don't sell meat. All we have is a small selection of fish and that's reserved for a few restaurants in Canterlot...” He shrunk back from my manic glare. I gritted my teeth.

“Are there places to buy meat in Canterlot?” I snapped my fingers in front of him to focus back to my question. “Answer me...”

“Uh... There's a place on the east cliffside that offers meat that I know of... It's mostly for griffin patrons. Ponies don't really go there...”

Good. Goal set. Looks like I'm going back to Canterlot faster than what I thought. I rushed getting the rest of my groceries and walked it back to my house. Grabbing a few more bits, I stomped to the train station. Ponies took one look at me and got out of my way.

I'm gonna get my motherfucking steak.

Ch. 15 - PAIN TRAIN

Author's Note

Sorry for the late chapter, I've been busy with all sorts of bullshit but I finally have the time to just sit down and write again.

Ch. 15 - PAIN TRAIN

I sat hunched over uncomfortably in the train, tapping my foot to the floor impatiently as we started the ascend to the mountain Canterlot was on. Staring straight ahead to the wall in front of me. The thought of having a tasty, juicy perfectly made steak made my mouth water.

“So... We're going to Canterlot... Just so you can eat?” Twilight asked, staring at me as if I was stupid.

“I'm gonna eat the shit out of those steaks.” I said with a nod.

“You're going to Canterlot, only to eat meat...” Twilight grimaced.

“Absolutely.”

Why?”

“Cause I haven't had meat in all my time here yet.”

Twilight made a gagging noise and shuddered. “Why do you need it so much?”

I shrugged. “Omnivore. I get proteins and shit from it. Also I really, really like it.” I flashed her my canine teeth.

She stared at my teeth and then shook her head. “But since you're an omnivore, it's not necessary for you to eat meat that much!”

“But I waaaant it!” I pouted at her. She giggled. “If you're not alright with it, you can head off to the castle when we get to Canterlot.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Will you be able to find it by yourself?”

Uh.

Shit.

“Maaaaaybe..?” She rolled her eyes.

“I'll come with you. Can't have you getting lost in Canterlot the minute I leave you.”

We returned to silence as the train started slowing down to arrive at the station. I stood up and bumped my head on the ceiling. Muttering a curse, I rubbed the sore spot as I followed Twilight out of the cart and out in the streets. She started walking and I followed her.

Almost instantly, the general chatter stopped when everyone looked at me. I lowered my head slightly and pulled my left sleeve to cover my hand completely. I could almost feel the stares of every single pony focused on me and the whispers that came with it. I chose to ignore it and started walking faster to walk side-by-side with Twilight.

“Everything alright, Jay?” I looked around and Twilight did the same. Seeing the stares on us, she made an o-face. “Here, we can take another path that most ponies don't take.” I nodded, still not saying anything.

Once we left the main street and made our way to the east cliffside, I spoke up. “I really don't like being stared out like that...” I scratched my still cloth-covered left hand. “Makes me feel like some kinda freakshow.”

“Ponies are curious, they will stare at you since they haven't seen anything like you before.” She smiled up at me. “Nopony is going to hurt you, you're just something new.”

After about half an hour of walking, we finally made it to our destination. The place looked like it was made in a hollowed-out part of the cliff wall that had been bricked shut. An unassuming, small door was in the middle between two windows. In one of the windows there was an 'open' sign. My mouth started watering again as I walked to the door.

I opened the door wide and had to crouch down a little to make it indoors. The smell of grilled meat hit me like a freight train. I held the door open for Twilight whos nose scrunched the second she came inside.

A lion... Eagle thing that was a little bigger than Twilight turned around. Her eyes widened as she realized she was looking at my shirt. Her neck craned up to meet my eyes.

“'Sup?” I said. “Do you work here?” It nodded, still staring up at me. “Great! A table for two, please?”

The griffin cleared its throat. “Sure! Follow me. Forgive me for reacting like that, I haven't seen a diamond dog like you before...” She said sheepishly walking toward a booth in the far back.

I raised an eyebrow. “I'm not a diamond dog or anything from here, really. I'm a human.”

“Oh! I should have known, there aren't any known diamond dog breeds that doesn't have any fur, so...” She stopped next to a booth. To my amazement, it was actually made to be larger than the average pony size everything else was.

I climbed in and sat down. Twilight sat down opposite from me, looking around with her nose still scrunched. The griffin left for a couple of seconds and came back with two menus. “The red one has meat and the green one has more pony-friendly food. I'll come back soon to take your orders.”

I flipped open the menu and browsed. Twilight picked up hers, still looking hesitant. My eyes widened as I saw exactly what I needed.

A big steak with a side of oven-fried potatoes with sauce and some onion rings. Twilight laid down her menu after her decision. I did the same and the same waitress as before came over. She had a notepad with her.

“Find anything you like?” She said, ready to write. Boy did I ever...

“Yeah, I'll have this. Number six.” The waitress nodded, then turned to Twilight.

“Just a daffodil sandwich, please.”

“What do you want to drink?” She said as she had finished scribbled down.

“Can't eat a good steak without beer to flush it down. Anything you got as long as its real cold.” I nodded sagely, crossing my arms. The waitress nodded in agreement.

“I'll just have some water, thank you.”

With that, the waitress buzzed off with the menus and returned with our drinks. Twilight stared at me as I took a sip.

“Alcohol? Really?” She glared at me.

Oh sweet summer child...

“Twilight, since you don't eat meat I don't expect you to know just how fucking good it is...” I rested my elbows on the table and leaned forward, staring at her. I chewed my lip for a few seconds. “It's hard to explain but it's the greatest thing ever.”

Twilight rolled her eyes and sighed, leaning back slightly in her seat. “Sure.”

Silence reigned as we waited for our food to arrive. A couple of minutes later I saw the waitress from before come walking towards us carrying two plates. She placed them on our table and left. I did a small happy wiggle as I rubbed my hands, staring at the food I was about to devour. I snatched the utensils and started carving into the meat, staring at it all the while.

-Third person-

“Uuuuuuuuuuugh....”

“I told you to slow down or you'd get stomach aches.”

“Uuuuurrrrgh....”

Twilight pursed her lips and stared at the human lying prone on the train seat in front of her, not moving a single muscle. “Will you stop acting like a baby filly and at least sit up?”

“Nugh.”

“I swear you're the strangest creature I've ever met.” Twilight rubbed a hoof to her temple, then pointed at Jay. “You have the weirdest impulses then get surprised when things go the way I said it would.”

“Ayy.” Jay pointed at her in a finger-gun style with both hands, then his arms dropped again from the effort of slightly moving his body. “Ow...”

She looked out the window and noticed the town that was quickly approaching. “We're almost in Ponyville so we have to get ready now.” A deep sigh came from the human as he sat up and stretched.

When the train started slowing to a halt, the odd duo walked from their seats to the nearest exit. Jay followed Twilight outside and winced at the sunlight, shielding his eyes as he got adjusted.

“Will you be alright to get home on your own?” Twilight asked Jay once he had dropped his hand down and stuffed it back into his pocket.

“Yeah, I will.” Twilight nodded and started walking off. “Hey Twilight!” She stopped and looked back at him with an eyebrow raised. “Thanks for coming with me, even though I kinda dragged you with me...” She smiled at him.

“Anytime. Just give me a warning next time.”

“Aw, where's the fun in that?” He grimaced. Twilight laughed and shook her head as Jay waved his goodbyes and walked off in the opposite direction. Twilight saw him go and rolled her eyes as she made her way home.

Like she said earlier, he was the strangest creature she had ever met.

I tapped the code to the gate and as soon as it opened I slipped past it and closed it again, looking over my shoulder on instinct. I stopped and turned around, peeking down the street. Shaking my head, I started walking toward the entrance. What I saw there made me pause.

Sitting there on the steps to my home was Rainbow Dash.

She stared at me. I stared back. She blinked, then I blinked. We blinked at the same time.

“Uh...” I started eloquently.

“We need to talk about what happened earlier.” Rainbow said, standing up and walking forward.

“Sure, I guess...” I could feel the scars on my left arm start to thump the closer she got to me. “Want to head inside?” I said, pointing to the door. “I have to check up on some stuff while we talk.”

“Alright then.” She took a few steps to the side and I walked past her, feeling her stare on me.

I unlocked the door and walked inside, Rainbow followed me inside and shut the door behind her. She followed me into the kitchen.

“Coffee?” I asked her. She shook her head. I nodded and sat down on a chair next to the dining table. She joined me on the opposite side.

There was a heavy, awkward silence as none of us said a word. I decided to man up. I sighed.

“Look, Rainbow Dash... I know I didn't make the best impression or anything like that when I first got here but I'm wor-” I got cut off by Rainbow before I could finish my sentence.

“I'm sorry!”

Ch. 16 - Making friends...

I stared at Rainbow sitting at the other side of the table for a few seconds. She wasn't looking at me, she was looking to the side, not saying anything after her outburst. I scratched my chin with my left hand slowly, then sighed.

”So uh,” I began, making her turn to me. ”You came over to apologize for what happened last week?” She nodded.

“I got kinda carried away... I just thought you'd cause problems for Twilight and with Spike right there, I was thinking something was about to happen to him.” Her ears lowered when she saw my left arm.

The sleeve had ridden up slightly. I quickly grabbed it and pulled it back to cover my hand and rubbed my right thumb over it, staring down at it. “Heh, I know it'd look bad for someone who doesn't know me talking to a local kid.” I forced a smile, still looking down.

“Spike uh... I don't know, he told me once that it was cool to hang around with someone who isn't a pony. That there was someone else that wasn't run of the mill.” I looked up to Rainbow who still looked unsure. “He's a good kid. Twilight dotes on him too much though.” I stared straight at her and shrugged. “Sorry for getting carried away. About the apology, you dont have to make a big deal of it.”

“But I hit you with a lightning bolt!” Rainbow braced her forelegs on the table and leaned forward. “You passed out, the next thing I see from you is your hoo- hand clocking me in the head!”

I leaned back in my seat, staring at the rainbow horse getting mad at me... For not making a big deal about getting hit by a fuckin' lightning bolt. Provided by her.

The fuck is this world, dude?

“I'm not exactly innocent in this, am I?” I raised a lone finger on my right hand. “Like you said, I punched you in the face and stepped on you.” I raised another finger. “I basically ransacked the town last time I was here.” Up went a third finger. “I picked fights with ponies in town for no good reason.”

“But-”

I facepalmed and let out a frustrated sigh. “Come on, dude!” I pointed at her with both my hands. “Both of us fucked up big time, right?” She nodded slowly. I nodded with her. “So! We both agree that we did an olympic sized shit on the bed, we accept it and start over.” I raised an eyebrow. “Unless you want to argue more?”

She shook her head and chuckled. “Not exactly how I would word it... But sure.”

I held out my hand. “Shake hands-err...” I stared down at my appendage, my lips a thin line. She reached out and shook my hand. With that, I settled back in my chair and released a breath I wasn't aware I was holding.

“So.. I'm sorry if this is out of the blue but can I uh... See your arm?” Rainbow asked after a few minutes of silence. I shrugged and took off my long-sleeved shirt and moved up the sleeve of my t-shirt.

“You see this bigger splotch right here?” I pointed at a spot just over my elbow and asked her, turning slightly so she could see better. She nodded and her ears went back a bit. “I'm pretty sure it hit right there and ran all the way down to my hand.”

“Does it... Does it still hurt?” She answered a bit quiter than before, shifting her eyes between my arm and my face.

I shook my head. “No, Fluttershy gave me a salve that pretty much numbed it out. It just itches like crazy sometimes.” I leaned forward and laid my arm on the table. “My nerves are still a bit finicky. Watch.”

She watched my arm intently. I raised my arm vertically slowly, then tilted it forward. My hand started to shake and it closed the more I tilted it. Then I held up both arms and balled my right hand to a fist, the knuckles on it going white for a few seconds until I relaxed it. I did the same with my left hand. I took a deep breath and started moving slowly. It became a fist much slower and started to shake slightly. I couldn't make it close more and let out my breath and relaxed my hand.

“Back on my world, I heard these scars could be temporary depending on how hard one gets hit. The nerve stuff though... I guess it takes practice to make it like it was before or if it's even possible.” I glanced down at my arm. Rainbow Dash was being extremely quiet. I looked over to see her staring at the floor.

“I-I didn't know.” She muttered out.

“Eh, it's fine. Shit happens. I stood up and gave her a pat on the shoulder then walked over to my fridge and opened it. Crouching down to see what was inside, my smile grew as I saw a couple of bottles in the back of it.

Grabbing the pack and making the drinks clink together I put it down on the counter next to the fridge and withdrew two. “Think fast!” I called out and chucked a drink over to Rainbow. Her head whipped up and she caught it with both hooves.

Examining the bottle, her eyes widened. “Beer?” She looked closer. “Dude! This brand isn't cheap!”

I gave her a deadpan stare and gestured with a grand sweep of my right arm over the kitchen and the dining room. I took a hold of the neck of a beer with my left arm and tossed it over my head, catching it with my right hand and twisting off the cap in a smooth movement and took a chug.

“Sharing is caring, come on!” I grabbed the beer case and walked toward the french door leading outside to the pool. She followed me. I sat down and laid back in one of the sun chairs, taking another chug and setting down the case on a table that was between two chairs.

Rainbow stared at me, then down at the beer I gave her. She shrugged and bit down on the cap, removing it and flew over to the chair on the other side of the table. She drank from her beer and settled down.

“You know, my father always told me that you can't enjoy your beer with a person you don't like.” I took another small sip. “Then again, my dad wasn't much of a beer drinker and most of his friends were assholes anyway.” Rainbow Dash choked mid drink and spat out beer and laughed.

“So, what's it like over there in your world?”

A couple of hours later, the case was nearly empty. I stood poolside and was throwing a few punches in the air in front of me, nearly tripping and doing some awful foot work.

“B- Buh it ain't how hard you *hic* hit it's how hard you can get hit!” A few more light air jabs. “An- and keep moving forward!” I stopped my dramatic speech to take a few breaths. “how much you can take and keep moving forward!” I hopped a few steps back, still posed like a boxer.

However, I was much closer to the pool than I thought and my foot slipped and I fell backward into it. Swimming to the edge was much easier said than done. I rested on the poolside and stared at the pegasus who was laughing her ass off.

“Suh-smmmooth moves!” She snorted and kicked her hooves back. Glaring, I reared back with my arm and smacked water on her and drenched her. She squealed in surprise and shot up into the air, still giggling.

I climbed up from it slowly. I took off my t-shirt and wringed it out, then threw it at the sun chair I had been using. “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up snickertits...”

I turned to the sun that was setting. Rainbow did the same when she had stopped laughing. “Shoot, I gotta head off. Got some work to do tomorrow.”

“Have fun doing that hungover.”

“I'm gonna blame you for it.”

“'Course you will. I'd be offended if you didn't.” I glared at her. She glared back.

After a few tense seconds, she gave me a slap on my exposed right shoulder.

“You're alright, Jay. See you around!” With that, she took off into the air.

I shook my head and stumbled over to grab the empty beer case and walked into the house and locked the french doors. As I was heading upstairs to take a shower, I heard a beep from the security system and cursed.

I walked over to it and slapped it alive. Strawberry was there again.

Wait. I already made a friend today... What if I like, make another instantly? Eat your heart out, Twilight! I can do this!

I unlocked the gate from the security system and saw the gate move on the screen. I walked out the front door and waited for the unicorn to come closer.

Strawberry blushed when she came closer. “Um... Hi Jay!”

“Hullo!” I gave her a small wave. “What are you doing out at this time?”

She didn't answer immediately. She was staring at my left arm, then at my right arm and noticed the tattoo as her gaze lingered there. Then back at my torso. She shook her head. “O-oh, I was just taking an evening walk when I passed your house...”

I nodded, my alcohol enhanced senses didn't notice her stare as I took a step to the side. “Want to come inside? You can get something to drink if you want to.”

Strawberry's blush grew even redder. “S-sure...” She walked past me. I closed the door and followed her inside

-The next day-

I awoke to a thundering headache splitting my head in two. A terrible taste made itself known in my mouth that for some reason had a hint of strawberries. I sat up in the bad and swung my legs over the side. Rubbing my temples, I took a deep breath and ran a hand through my hair.

My heart froze as I heard a rustle behind me. My eyes snapped open and I bit my lip, not daring to turn around. 'Oh God what have I done.'

The rustling continued and I decided to man up. Taking another breath I slowly turned around to see Strawberry, her mane rustled and a blush on her face.

“Mmm... Good morning, Jay...”

[INTERNAL SCREAMING]

Author's Note

Hooooooo boy.

Ch. 17 - ...Or not

The gears in my head ground to a complete, screeching stop as I saw Strawberry stretch and move to sit up on the bed., still looking at me.

“...Good morning?” I gave her an unsure, crooked smile and could feel beads of sweat start rolling down my forehead.

She yawned and stretched her forelegs straight up, her mane still messed up. “What... What time is it?” She asked quietly. I reached for my phone on the nightstand next to me and turned on the screen.

“It's uh.. ten in the morning...” Her eyes widened to a near impossible size and she started fidgeting in place back and forth.

“Oh no, oh no, oh no... I'm two hours late for work!” She bolted up from the bad, snagging a hoof in the cover and fell over. I winced at the bang. She popped up almost instantly, a blush on her face. “I'm okay!” She settled down her mane to its normal style with her magic while sticking her tongue out, looking cross-eyed up at her horn.

I put on my pants and shoes. My shirt was hopefully still outside on the chair where I left it yesterday. Strawberry had already left the room and I could hear her walk down the staircase. I followed her downstairs after getting decently clothed.

Strawberry was pacing around in circles, sometimes stopping to hop around on her hooves and looked genuinely stressed out. “I have to run off to work now! I'll see you later Jay!”

“Sure, I guess...” I scratched the back of my head, averting my eyes from her. Without warning, she hopped up on her back legs and rested her forelegs on my bare stomach and gave me a small peck on my cheek. Instantly after she had bolted out the door and was running down the path to the gate. The door closed slowly behind her. Last thing I saw of her was that she was looking back at me.

The door clicked shut. I dragged my heels into the kitchen and just stared at the appliances. Not feeling thirsty or hungry, I sat down next to the table on a chair and buried my face in my hands, resting my elbows to the table and sighed.

What the fuck have I done?

'You did a pony dude, heh.'

Shut it. What the hell do I do? She obviously think that things will go forward from this. I don't want that, at least until it has been completely proven without a doubt that I can't go back home.

I don't want to get too attached, after all. But how the hell do I tell her that it was just a one-night thing and that I was drunk as shit? Hell, I'll come off as a bigger asshole than what I already am. There's no telling what other ponies would think or say if word would spread. With my luck, it would be a repeat of what happened the first time I was here. Getting chased out of town cause I destroyed something.

Or not. That was perfectly reasonable.

I have to talk to someone that won't judge me that hard, give me a slap at worst maybe.

Rarity? Fuuuuuuck no, she'll probably go off on a rant how that I'm not being a 'gentleman' and get mad at me. I also have a gut feeling telling me that she'd be the type of pony to gossip. Scratch that. Who's next?

Fluttershy? No, she'd probably die of embarassment and never talk to me ever again.

Rainbow? Uh... Since we only made up just yesterday it might be too early.

Pinkie? …

…

…

Hell-to-the-fuckin'-no! She'd probably go on another cocaine trip and set up another party and celebrate it instead. A banner that said 'Jay Porked a Pony Party' flashed before my eyes and I shuddered.

Twilight? I thought about it for a few seconds. She's the one I know the best out of them so far. So... Twilight it is then.

I grabbed the keys to the house and walked outside and locked the door. Standing on the porch, I realized I forgot to grab a shirt. I shook my head. The ponies are naked anyway, why would they care?

-Third person-

“I have to say girls, Jay is really starting warm up to staying here I think.” Twilight said to her gathered friends as they sat around the table in her library, enjoying their tea.

Rarity took a small sip from her tea and levitated it down.

“I agree with you, darling. Why, the last few times he was over for measurements or picking up orders for clothes he has stopped calling me a 'overly touchy marshmallow degenerate' and that he would 'set your curly fry mane the fuck on fire if your magic stays on my ass again for longer than two seconds'.” Rarity mimicked the gruff tone of voice Jay used most of the time, making both Fluttershy and Twilight giggle.

“He even mumbles his thanks and tries to be discreet about 'accidentally' leaving some bits for me to keep.” Rarity shook her head. “He sure is one of a kind in terms of personality.”

“He even tried to make me take some payment for the salve for his wounds.” Fluttershy added quietly, then giggled at a memory. “When I said no, he grumbled something about 'commie horses' and nearly started a fistfight with Angel.”

The girls laughed at the humans' antics together and the room returned to silence which was broken from the front door bursting open and the aforementioned human stood there, staring inside at them. His eyes zeroed in on Twilight and he opened his mouth.

“Twilight! I need your help to solve a moral dilemma!” He booted the door shut behind him and sat down on a free chair. Due to the size of it, he sat hunched over in an uncomfortable position and cursed.

“What happened?!” Twilight stood up from her seat and rounded the table, sitting down on the floor next to him. He was rubbing his temples and gritting his teeth. She gave him a quick look over for any visible damage.

His dark brown hair was disheveled and stuck out in odd angles and there were dark bags underneath his hazel eyes and his face was tinted with an odd flush. The detail that stuck out to her was that he wasn't wearing a shirt like he usually did.

His eyes wandered to Rarity and then Fluttershy. The ponies averted their eyes from him as both had been staring at his arms. Fluttershy on the left and Rarity on his right shoulder.

“Oh! Before you begin, perhaps you'd like to put on a top?” Rarity levitated a white saddlebag from her side, opened it and then levitated a red button-up shirt to him. “I was trying something different and was going to come over and deliver this to you but since you're here...” She stared at him with pleading eyes. Jay shrugged.

“Sure, thanks...” He put on the shirt and stared down at his twiddling thumbs.

“So..” Twilight piped up. “What's wrong? What happened to make you rush over here like this?” She made the human look right at her, as if searching his eyes for an answer. He looked away to her friends.

“Before I say anything. Both of you, promise me right now to never leak this to anyone.” The mares nodded. “Same goes for you, Twilight. Promise me that you won't tell anyone about this. Especially not Celestia cause I'd never hear the end of it...”

Now this had the attention of everypony.

“Okay. We all promise not to tell. What's got you so rattled Jay?” Twilight asked with genuine concern for her human friend.

“Well uh... Last night I...” Jay pursed his lips and scratched his chin for a few seconds, trying to find the best way to word it. “...Marinated the nether rod in the squish mitten” He said, making quotation marks with his hands. “With a pony...”

Instantly, Rarity and Fluttershy's faces went beet red and Fluttershy struggled to keep her wings in check. Rarity let out an 'my word' and stared at the man.

Twilight tilted her head to the left.

“Were you cooking with another pony?” She asked. The atmosphere inside the room ground to a halt and everyone turned to her.

“No... I uh... Power drilled the yippee bog with the dude piston...” He said slower. Twilight's eyebrows burrowed. Her friends stared at her, not sure what to make of it.

“Why were you doing house carpentry with a piston and a pony you don't know?” Twilight asked, staring at him incredulously.

“Twilight I swear to God...” He muttered, facepalming. He cleared his throat and spoke up even slower. “I pressure washed the quiver bone in the bitch wrinkle. With a pony.” He made a loop with his thumb and pointer finger on his right hand, moving his left pointer back and forth through the loop.

Pomf!

Fluttershy's wings popped up to their full span and she squeaked in surprise, her blush growing even redder. Rarity was in similar straits, her blush had spread all over her face and she was trying her hardest not to stare at his rude gestures. Swatting his hands with her magic, he stopped.

This time, Twilight's head tilted to the right and her ears perked forward, seemingly lost in thought. “I don't get it.” She stated simply. Jay felt a vein throb on his forehead as he glared at her.

“Twilight. What happen's when a mom and a dad makes a baby pony?” Jay asked with barely contained rage. Twilight was confused.

“Why, they send a letter to the storks along with a written resumé on what they look like so the storks can make the baby look the same as one of them, or both of course.” Twilight said matter-of-factly as if she had just read it out of a fact book.

Complete silence. Jay could feel his vein stretch at it's limits as his left eyebrow twitched madly. Rarity and Fluttershy both stared at their friend with weirded out expressions.

“And who taught you this?” Jay asked, sounding much calmer than what he was.

“Princess Celestia did, she's my teacher after all!”

Jay could hear glass break as he stood up to his full height suddenly and ventured out into the library. After a few minutes he returned to them with two books in his grasp.

“You.” He pointed at Twilight with his left hand completely open. “Read.” His hand switched to the books.

“I don't know how me reading these books will help you with your problem...” She grumbled and read the titles out loud. “Innovative Innuendo and You by Bow-Chicka-Wow-Wow, a yak author. Interesting...” Her gaze moved to the other book. “Goo and You: How Ponies Are Made by Full Mast.

Jay stomped out of the library. “Thanks for nothing, Twilight. Talk to me once you've read through those." The door slammed shut behind him.

“I shall be making my leave as well. Ta for now, darlings!” Rarity left as well, the door clicking shut behind her much quieter.

Fluttershy attempted to sneak out from the library but Twilight spoke up. “Fluttershy, what does 'pornography' mean?”

'Oh dear sweet, loving Celestia... Please save me...' Fluttershy thought before turning back to her friend.

Of course.

The smartest tiny horse that can help even slightly is completely innocent and has been probably tricked by Princess Sunarse into believing that horseshit.

“Jay, wait for me!”

I groaned, stuffed my hands into my pockets and turned to Rarity, levelling a glare on her. “What?”

“I believe I can help you with your problem” She said, taking a few seconds to catch her breath. “I'm the one in our group of friends who's had the most experience in relationships so... I believe I can help you at least a little bit.”

I stared at her for a moment, then sighed. “...Alright. Let's go to your place though. Would look bad if we'd talk about stuff like this in the middle of the street.” Rarity nodded.

“After you.” She replied with a smile.

Author's Note

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDGP0h-ULts

I DON'T WANT TO BEAT AROUND THE BUSH

Ch. 18 - Calm Before the Storm

Author's Note

Shorter chapter, things are picking up now boys...

Ch. 18 - Calm Before the Storm

”So Jay, go on. Tell me what's on your mind whilst I do some work.” Rarity walked into her work room, glancing around. “Forgive the mess, sometimes when I get caught up in work cleanliness escapes me...”

Jay crouched down a little as he followed the unicorn to the room, barely avoiding to bump his head in the doorway. Rolls of fabrics were laid in piles around the room, sorted in color. Small scraps of different fabrics laid scattered on the floor. He walked over to a couch on the far side room, sitting down and sinking back as far as he could.

“Where do I even begin?” He stared up at the ceiling.

Rarity giggled. “The start, perhaps?”

“Har hardy har...” Jay droned then bit his lip. “Right... So, yesterday after I came back with Twilight from Canterlot and walked home, Rainbow was there-”

“It happened with Rainbow Dash?! Scandalous!” Rarity stopped her work and stared at him. Jay frowned.

“No! Rainbow came over to make up over the fight where my arm got messed up, honest...” He picked up a scrap of fabric from the floor and started moving it around between his fingers. “After she left, I heard a warning from the security system and she was there...”

“Who was it?” Rarity asked, putting on a red pair of work glasses and levitated over a ponykin. “Sorry if it's intrusing but knowing who it is can be easier in terms of personalities.”

Jay chewed on his lower lip for a few seconds and ran his fingers across the fabric in his hands. “It's uh... The town hall receptionist, Strawberry.”

Rarity gasped. “Oh! I'm afraid I haven't been around her much but I have talked to her a few times. She's from Manehattan, isn't she?”

“Yup. Moved here a couple of weeks before I got stuck here...”

“How do you know her?” Rarity asked, grabbing a measurement tape with her magic.

“I met her at town hall when I went there to settle my debts to the town. Got to know her there.” Jay rolled up the fabric on one of his fingers, then released and let it unravel. “After that, I met her across town a few times here and there. She tried to talk to me after I beat up Rainbow but I blew her off.”

“From what I know of her, she doesn't really have the best self esteem and is rather clumsy. The dear does try her best though.” Rarity hummed and wrote down some measurements on a paper.

“That's the thing, though...” Jay dropped the fabric to the floor and sighed. “She came over late at the evening and I let her through the gate. I'll admit I had a few drinks with Dash after we made up but I wasn't terribly drunk.”

“And that's when you two...” Rarity's ears lowered slightly and a small blush appeared on her face.

“I don't know, really. All I remember is closing the door behind me and then it's all a blur...” He scratched his chin. “Then I woke up in my bed with her next to me and she was acting all weird and was blushing her face off.” He shrugged and leaned forward resting his elbows on his legs and his chin on his balled fists. “She was late to work so she stumbled out the bed and down the stairs. I followed down and she kissed me before she took off.”

Rarity stopped in her tracks. “So... You weren't aware what happened. Are you sure it happened at all..?”

“I was naked in bed and I smelled like sweat and strawberry jam. I also had to burn the sheets.”

Rarity's ears fell flat to her head and her blush came back in force. “W-well then...” She rubbed the back of her head with a foreleg. “But since you blacked out, wouldn't this count as non-consensual?” A frown grew on her face. “That little... Taking advantage of somepo-one like this!”

Jay shrugged and swung his legs up on the couch, lying down with his legs hanging off the edge. He blew a strand of hair out of his face. “Take it easy Rarity...” He stretched his arms over his head. The unicorn turned to him. “Sure, I wasn't all there but what happened, happened.”

“Then why did you rush over to Twilight like that earlier as if the world was ending?”

Jay was silent, staring up at the roof. Eventually he spoke up. “The princesses told me that there was a very slim chance that I would be able to go home again and that they'd let me know if it was possible.”

He rolled over on the couch, meeting her royal blue eyes with his hazel. “If I can't go home, that will suck and will probably sting for a long time. But if I can...” His gaze averted from her. “Sure, I've made some friends here but I don't want to get too attached if I can help it.”

He held up his right arm toward her, holding his thumb to the side and the pointer up as if framing her. “I keep everyone at an arm's length. If I do it like that, going home will be easy. Write off my house to one of you guys and giving the bits I have left to Spike.” He relaxed and ran his right hand through his hair. “Sure, it may seem cold but then I can just up and leave, no strings attached. But...”

“If you start a relationship and grow feelings, you may not want to go home at all?” Rarity said with a small smile.

“Nailed it.” Jay replied with a smile of his own.

“So you have planned ahead already?”

“Wouldn't exactly call it that but I'm only preparing myself.”

“And what if it will take years for you to go home?” Rarity levitated away a roll of fabric and fetched another. “Will you be on your own in that big house and avoid forming bonds?” She hummed. “If you go on and be strong for yourself for too long, you forget about the ones around you.”

“You'd have a roof over your head of course but you wouldn't have anyone that would understand you.” Rarity raised a hoof and tapped her chin. “You would hold in all your thoughts and that can lead to some awful things...”

Jay contemplated her words. 'Shit, guess she's making sense...' “Then... What should I do..?”

“Listen to yourself. Deep down, you know what you want to do.” Rarity glanced at him and winked.

“Hm.” Jay stood up from the couch and brushed himself off, walking over to Rarity. “Thanks for the help. I gotta get going. I have to catch up to Strawberry cause I don't know where she lives...”

“She lives in the other side of town, opposite side from your house. Follow the street right outside down and then left.” Rarity said, without missing a beat.

“...Oookay?” He stared at her.

“Oh don't act like that, everypony here knows when someone new moves in.” Rarity shuddered. “Especially if you're friends with Pinkie...”

In a move that shocked both, Jay crouched down and gave her a one-armed hug, then jogged off to the door, waving his goodbyes. “Later!” Rarity shook her head.

“That brute...” She said with a smile.

“-And eleven months later, a baby pony comes.” Fluttershy stammered out, staring at her friend who was looking shellshocked.

“W-wh-wha-what?” Twilight's face was beet red and she was holding her tail, her ears pinned down to her head. “J-Jay did all that to somepony..?”

“Based on how he described it, yes...” Flutttershy squeaked and hid in her mane, not daring to meet her friends gaze.

Twilight's mind shut down and restarted with a violent jerk of her head. “Why would he do all that with somepony all of a sudden?” She said, her voice a much higher pitch than usual.

“W-well... S-someponies do it cause they think it f-feels nice...”

“Do you?”

“N-no!” Fluttershy twiddled her hooves. “But there was that one time with Thunderlane...” Realizing what she just said, Fluttershy clamped her hooves over her mouth.

“Anyway, we have to find out who it was...” Twilight bit her lip, deep in thought. Fluttershy let out a relieved sigh as she noticed that Twilight hadn't heard her comment.

“Isn't that Jay walking past right there?” Fluttershy pointed a hoof. Outside, they saw the human trudge along slowly, hands in his pockets as if deep in thought. Twilight's eyes narrowed.

Faster than what Fluttershy expected, Twilight shot up from her seat and ran toward the door and slammed the door open with her magic forcefully.

Jay turned to Twilight wide-eyed and gave her a sheepish wave. Fluttershy thought Twilight would approach this calmly and with reason and logic like the bookish unicorn usually did.

“EUGENE JAMES ANDERSEN!” Twilight yelled at the top of her lungs, making the human flinch.

Well, like she usually did most of the time.

Ch. 19 - Science!

Jay raised his arms defensively and took a few steps back the closer Twilight got to him. The temperature around them was raising as Twilight's glare on him only hardened more with every passing second.

“Oh uh...” He gulped. “Hi, Twilight! Looks like you read the books, huh?” He felt beads of sweat form on his forehead as he glanced around and noticed the growing crowd surrounding the two.

“I know what you did to that pony!” She hissed at him. “Y-you had s-s-sex with her...” Her glare went away for a few seconds as she blushed but only to return stronger.

“Jesus fuckin' Christ, Twilight!” Jay bolted forward and covered her mouth and sprinted into the library, closing the door behind him. “If you said that any louder, the ponies up in Canterlot would've heard!” He peeked out a window and saw that everypony were returning to what they were doing, some with blushes on their faces. He facepalmed.

He released Twilight and put her down. “Why did you do it?!” Twilight stood up to him, still glaring at him with a blush.

“It kinda happened on its own...”

Twilight's eyes narrowed. “That doesn't h-happen on its own! Fluttershy told me all about it!”

Jay's eyes widened as he turned to the yellow and very red pegasus hiding in a corner, mouthing 'traitor' before turning back to Twilight. He scratched the back of his head.

“She came over after I made up with Rainbow and we got talking and... things got out of hand.” Jay felt his anger rising as he was being talked down to by the unicorn.

“So?! You going that far with somepony after just talking to them doesn't make any sense!”

“Fuck's sake, Twilight!” Jay roared, pointing a finger at her and glaring back at her. “Why do you care so much about what I do!” He jabbed the finger at her, making her back up. “I'm twenty-fucking-four! I'm older than you, for crying out loud!” Another jab. “What happened between me and Strawberry is our business, I don't need you to look out for me!”

Twilight took a step back, the anger gone from her. Realizing what he had just said, Jay's anger also disappeared. He sighed.

“I'm sorry, Twilight. I'm just...” He scratched his neck and sat down on a chair. “Things like that are very personal, like Fluttershy might have told you?” Twilight nodded slowly. “Yeah, so I can't share everything about it cause it doesn't affect just me.”

“Did you say Strawberry?” Twilight eventually spoke up.

“Yeah, the reception mare from town hall.”

The one that you threw a rock on?”

“The very same.”

Twilight looked at him straight in the eyes. They held it for a few seconds before Twilight let out an explosive sigh.

“Okay, so what are you going to do now?” She asked. “Not something stupid, I hope?”

“You never know, Twilight. I always aim to impress.” He gave her that crooked smirk that made her certain that he had something planned. “...Actually, I was heading over to Strawberry's house before you came running out and looking at me like you wanted to gut me.”

Twilight blushed and averted her eyes. “I guess I did overreact, huh?”

“Just a teeny tiny bit.” Jay held up a hand and held out his pointer and thumb, a gap between them. Jay stood up from the chair and brushed off his clothes and stretched. “But Twilight...”

“Yes, Jay?”

“You don't have to admit that you're jealous of Strawberry.”

An explosive blush came over Twilight's face. She sputtered and her ears fell back. “J-Jay!”

“Yeah, sorry that you weren't the first one to get on Mister Bones Wild Ride.” Jay repeated, making rude gestures and grinning.

Twilight took several quick steps back and sat down, covering her face with her hooves. “I-I am not jealous! Stop it, Jay!”

“Caaaaaaan youuuuu feeeeeeeeel the loooooooooooooooooooooove toniiiiiiight!” He yelled, a pathetic attempt to hold a pitch that cracked halfway through every word.

“Stop!”

He laughed as he made his way to the door, waving at the ponies. “Bye!” The door smacked shut but his laughter could still be heard from the other side.

Eventually, her blush died down and she put down her hooves.

“I am going to write a very strongly worded letter to Princess Celestia for avoiding this topic...”

-Nine Years Earlier-

“Come now, Twilight!” Celestia called to her young student who followed her eagerly through the streets of Canterlot as they were heading back to the castle. “We have some work to do.”

The young filly stopped and stared at a mare holding a small colt in her forelegs and rocking it outside a café.

“Princess Celestia?” Twilight ran up to her teacher who turned to her with a smile. “Where does baby fillies and colts come from?”

The smile faded from Celestia's muzzle. 'Shit.'

“W-well, you see Twilight...”

“That's for later though. We have some work to do!” Twilight turned to Fluttershy who had been sitting there quietly for the last half hour. “We have to follow Jay to Strawberry and make sure he does everything right!”

“Don't you have any real work to do?” Fluttershy asked quietly. “Aren't you a librarian?”

Twilight giggled. “Of course I'm not, Spike is!”

Spike's voice was heard echo from another room. “Please end my misery. This is child labour...”

Twilight closed the door to that room with her magic. “Now come on, Fluttershy! We have to help Jay!” Grabbing the books that Jay had brought her, Twilight ran out the library with Fluttershy walking hesitantly behind her.

Okay, so... Right down the road and then left. I came to a smaller neighbourhood and the houses looked much smaller than the other ones in town. I walked down the street with my hands in my pockets, glancing around. I heard whispers starting and several sets of eyes on me the further I walked.

Near the end of a street, I saw a light pinkish mailbox that had Strawberry's cutiemark on it. I stood and stared at the house, trying to work up some courage.

'Come on, dude! You've gone through worse before!'

Have I basically been dateraped by a small horse before coming here?

'...Touché'

Biting my lip, I started hopping in place and shook my arms to hype myself up. I released a breath and opened the gate in the fence, walking toward the house. The lights inside were on so at least that meant she was home.

I stopped in front of the door and stared down at it, moving a hand to knock.

'Do it! You have to cause if you don't you're a coward!'

I knocked the door three times. I heard hooves running toward the door and it unlocking. The handle was covered in a rose-red aura and the door slowly opened outward. I took a step back.

Strawberry stood there, staring up at me with wide eyes and her mouth slightly open.

“So...” I spoke up. “So this is your house, huh?” I bit my lip. 'Idiot... Of course this is her house. Smooth start, shitlips...'

Tears started to well in Strawberry's eyes and her lower lip quivered. I took a step forward and raised my left hand.

“Are you oka-oof!” She rushed forward and hugged me, starting to cry.

“I-I'm sorry for taking a-advantage of you just like that last night!” She sniffled. “I just... I just wasn't thinking and now you're going to hate me forever and probably call the guards on me and I'll go to jail forever and ever...”

I stared down at her and patted her back awkwardly. “Hey, I'm not mad and I'm not gonna call the guards. I wanted to come over and talk to you...”

She rubbed her eyes with a hoof, looking up at me. “Really..?” I nodded.

“Let's go inside... I'm guessing you don't want your neighbours to hear us?” She lowered herself and nodded with a small smile, walking inside and I followed her. I closed the door behind us.

-Third Person Switch-

Meanwhile on a nearby hill, Twilight's eyebrows furrowed as she lowered her binoculars from her head, levitating the book beside her.

“What's happening?” Fluttershy asked as she noticed the expression on her friend's face.

“They just went inside her house. She hugged him and they talked...” Twilight stood up and walked forward. “We have to get closer!”

“Twilight, isn't this breaching their privacy?”

“It's for science!”

“It doesn't really feel like it's okay morally...”

Twilight sighed and turned to her friend. “Fluttershy, science does not care about privacy or morals, this is only a field test!” Amateurs, the lot of them...

Fluttershy kept quiet and only followed her friend. Once close to the house, Twilight crouched down low and slowly walked toward a window she peeked inside to spot Jay sitting on a couch with Strawberry on the other end. She saw Jay's mouth move, along with a shake of Strawberry's head.

Focusing her magic, Twilight made a quick spell and she could pick out the words coming from inside.

“So... About last night.” I started, folding my hands. “I know that this will sound weird coming from me, but I need you to understand...”

Strawberry's ears slowly folded back. “W-what?”

“The reason I got stuck here was because the dimension portal thing to my world cut out when I tried to go home.” I chewed on my lips for a few seconds. “Princess Celestia told me that spells mimicking them are very hard, if not even impossible to replicate. She has some of her peo-ponies working on it.”

“So... You're saying...”

“There's still a chance for me to go home, go back to my family.” I gestured with my hands. “I don't know how long that will take for them to figure out.” I ran a hand through my hair. “My plan is, or well... was to just keep my distance and not get attached so I can leave straight away.”

Strawberry's ears was folded back completely now. “Well, I understand that you want to go home...” She had a small smile on her face and looked down on the ground. “You looked so lost when you came to town hall, like you were so out of place.” She wiped her eyes with a hoof.

“I saw myself in you, kinda... I know it's a stretch to compare, but... I moved here, in the middle of nowhere away from a life in one of Equestria's biggest towns. To a small town where everypony knows everypony. I stood out, I still do and I'm afraid to make friends because I don't want to scare ponies off...” She sighed.

“Then you came. I wasn't the talk of the town anymore. I saw you walk along with Twilight and her friends and I became interested in you.”

I leaned back into the couch, trying to take in everything she had said. I scratched my chin. “But y'know. I don't know when I'll be able to go home. It can be in several years. Hell, it can even be next week.” I reached out a hand to her. “So if you'd let me, I want you to help me with whatever I'll face trying to go home. I can't keep bothering Twilight and her friends...”

Strawberry stared at me, uncertainty was flashing over her eyes as she stared down at my hand, then up at my face. Eventually, she gave me a small smile and put her hoof in my hand.

“I-I'll do what I can...”

“Just one thing though...”

“What is it?”

“This...” I pointed at me and then at her, alternating back and forth. “Let's take it slow. I know what happened is anything but slow so let's just retry, alright?”

Strawberry blushed and she lowered her head a little. “S-sure.”

I looked around with a small smile. Guess it did work out, somehow. I'm gonna have to give my thanks to the marshmallow degenerate. My eyes zeroed in on the window behind Strawberry and I saw wide, purple eyes staring at me and a lavender horn disappearing to the side.

“Fuck's sake!” I stood up abruptly. I looked down at Strawberry with an apologetic smile. “I'm sorry but I think I saw something outside...” I stomped over to the door outside and rounded the corner of the house. I saw a purple tail with a pink stripe poking out from a bush.

I cleared my throat and crossed my arms, glaring down. “Twilight.”

Twilight's head slowly raised from the bush and she looked up at me with a sheepish smile. “Oh hello, Jay! What a pleasure to see you here! What are you doing here, ha ha...” Her eyes darted from side to side.

“Were you following me.”

“No.”

My glare hardened.

“Maybe...”

I raised an eyebrow and started tapping my right fingers on my left arm.

“Okay, I did...”

“How much did you hear or see?”

“A-all of it...”

I sighed. “Get... Get out of here. Right now. Shoo.”

Her horn lit up and she teleported away. I turned back to the bush. “That means you too Fluttershy.”

An 'eep' came from it and Fluttershy flew away into the air, taking off into town. I turned around and saw Strawberry staring at me through the window. I walked back inside and slumped into the couch with another sigh, this one much heavier.

“I swear, those girls will be the death of me...” My stomach rumbled and I stared down at it, then at Strawberry. “Want to get something to eat?” She giggled

“I'd love to.”

A short distance away, Twilight was reading through the book with a pout. Fluttershy landed next to her.

“Can I go home now?” She asked almost pleadingly.

“No, we're still stuck in the scientific process.” Twilight's ears perked and she saw Jay and Strawberry leave the house, walking side-to-side. “Phase two begins now.” She tapped a hoof to the book.

Fluttershy looked over to where she had been tapping.

'Food play and Dessert tricks to spice it up.'

Her mouth became a very thin line and she rubbed a hoof to her forehead at just how stupid the unicorn could be at times.

'Why are most of my friends weirdos?' Fluttershy thought, staring at Twilight who was currently sneaking behind Jay and Strawberry.

Author's Note

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh horizontal rules blegh

Ch. 20 - Nothing Else Matters

Strawberry and I walked side-by-side into town. Once inside, we got stares from a good amount of ponies. I glanced around, it was nothing new for me. I glanced down at her just to see that her ears were lowered and she was looking around nervously. I bumped her softly and she looked up at me.

“You okay?” I asked her, staring down at her and she looked up. She bit her lip and her eyes fell to the ground.

“Kind of... I'm not really used to ponies staring at me like this...”

I nodded. “Fuck 'em.”

“What?!” She stopped and stared up at me, her eyes wide as plates.

I shrugged. “Ponies stare cause they're trying to figure something out. They're curious and if they see something they don't like they make a lot of noise. Trust me.” Strawberry started walking again. I turned on my heel and walked backwards, staring down at her still with a small smile. “And if they're gonna judge and talk shit, then fuck 'em.”

Strawberry giggled and her ears perked forward again. “I get it...” She poked my thigh.“You didn't have to swear though!” I blew a raspberry at her and turned around when she caught up to me.

“Of course I had to.” I smirked at her. “I have my methods of getting attention.”

“Oh yeah? How?”

“This one time when I went to Canterlot to see princess Celestia, I stole one of their new chariots and crashed it through a window right into their throne room.” I chuckled at the memory. Strawberry looked absolutely horrified.

“Wh-what! Why?!”

I raised a finger. “One: I could.” I raised a second finger. “Two: I wanted to.”

Strawberry stared at me silently for a few seconds, as if questioning my very existance. She shook her head and giggled. “I would've liked to see that!”

We continued our walk until we reached what looked like a small diner. Strawberry walked forward to the counter, turning around and staring back at me. I put my hands in my pockets and stopped beside her. My eyes scanned over the menu until I saw... Saw...

The fuck?

“They have fish here?” I exclaimed, making a few other patrons stare at me. Strawberry's ears lowered again when she noticed the stares. I glanced down at her with a smirk.

“F-fuck 'em...” She whispered, looking up at me with a small smile.

Atta girl.

Fluttershy turned away and walked slowly away from Twilight, attempting to go home and leave the eccentric unicorn to herself. A pull on her tail made her stop. She turned around and saw that Twilight was staring at her, holding her tail with her magic.

“Where are you going?” Twilight scolded, pulling her friend back to her. Fluttershy's hooves dug into the ground and small trenches formed.

“Home! I don't want to do science anymore!”

“But we're nearly done! Look! They're sitting down to eat right now!” Twilight cast a spell and a quill, some parchment and an inkwell appeared next to her. Dipping the quill in the inkwell, she hovered it over the parchment to take notes. Fluttershy rolled her eyes and looked back to the human.

He received a plate and did a happy wiggle before he dug in, stuffing his face. Strawberry was staring at him, looking terrified before she shook her head and levitated her sandwich and took a small bite. Fluttershy's stomach rumbled.

Yes. Yeeees. So good!

“Are you always this happy to get food?” Strawberry asked, staring at me with a small blush.

“Only if it's meat or if I'm just really hungry.” I shot back, taking another bite. “Only meat I've eaten before this was a steak in Canterlot.” She nodded in reply as she looked around.

“Is that your friends over there again?” She pointed to the side. I turned my head and lo and behold, there was Twilight and Fluttershy staring at me and Strawberry. Fluttershy shrunk back and Twilight waved awkwardly. I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed.

“Can't even get five minutes...” I grumbled, focusing back on my food. “Twilight's a good girl. She's very bad at taking hints, though...”

We resumed eating, talking about this and that and whatever we could think of. When both were done, I stood up and walked over to the counter.

“Food's on me.” I said, fishing up a couple of bits from my pocket and gave them to the pony behind it. With that done, Strawberry and I left the restaurant and walked through town. I had my hands stuffed in my pockets. “Want to head into the park?” I jerked my head in the direction of it. She nodded and we made our way over.

We walked past a statue of Celestia. I giggled.

“What?” Strawberry asked, staring up at me with a questioning stare.

“Oh it's nothing, it's just that statue...” I had to cover my mouth to silence my laughing. “First time I was here, I climbed up on it, jumped up and down and shouted 'hi ho Sunbutt' and broke the horn clean off...”

Strawberry giggled and shook her head. We went back to silence. It wasn't an awkward silence, it was just that nothing else needed to be said. We were just enjoying each others company at this point. We walked over to a hill with a tree on it. I sat down on the grass, leaning back toward the trunk of the tree. Strawberry sat down next to me.

“Quite the view, huh?” I finally said. The hill was fairly big so we could see out over the town. I saw my house, Twilight's library, Rarity's boutique and the Sugarcube Corner.

“Yeah...” Strawberry shuffled closer to me. I rolled my eyes and lifted my right arm. She stared at me with a small blush before she scooted even closer. I rested my arm on her back and she shivered before she leaned toward me. The sun started to set. She closed her eyes and sighed. I did the same and tilted my head back to the tree. “Th-this is nice...” She murmured. I nodded.

We sat there at that exact spot for what felt like hours but in reality, only an hour passed. Eventually we started walking back to her house. When we arrived, I opened the gate for her and let her pass.

“I'm gonna head home, it's getting kinda late...” Her face fell for a split second before she smiled and nodded.

“Sure, um...” She walked toward me. I looked down at her. She scraped her hoof in the dirt for a few seconds, her ears flat to her head before she looked up at me.

Before I could react, she jumped up and leaned toward me. I looked down in mild surprise and when I did, she pressed her lips to mine. We held it for a few seconds and eventually it deepened. After a few more seconds of tonsil hockey, she seperated and had a very bright blush that stood out on her white coat. She stumbled back and nearly tripped on her hooves. She stammered and walked backwards very quickly to the door to her house.

“I-I-I'll see y-you s-soon, J-Jay!” She opened the door with her magic.

“Yeah, I'll see you around...” I waved my goodbyes as she went inside and closed the door behind her, leaving me alone.

I began the trek back to my home, not caring that I wasn't walking in a hurry. I jammed my hands back in my pockets. My cheeks were burning a little but I ignored it. Eventually I made it home, tapping the code to the gate.

I stopped.

“You're not fuckin' sneaky, Twilight.”

I heard a surprised gasp and a pop of a teleportation spell and she was gone. I walked inside and beelined to the bathroom, staring at myself in the mirror before I splashed some water on my face and went to the master bedroom.

I took off my shirt and laid down on top of the covers, resting my hands beneath my head. I stared at the ceiling, my eyes flicking from spot to spot before I sighed and closed them.

'Looks like things just got interesting...'

-Third person switch-

“Are you sure that this result is the final one?” Princess Celestia asked the unicorn standing beside her.

“I'm positive, princess.” The unicorn lit up her magic and retrieved a stack of papers. “We did all the tests we could with the limited information that we have on dimensional doorways.” She hoofed through the papers before levitating an envelope.

“This envelope holds our conclusion on the humans chances to go home.”

Celestia took it in her own magic and opened it, bringing out the paper. Her eyes scanned it and her eyebrows furrowed. Nodding, she turned to a guard that was standing in the doorway.

“We will go to Ponyville tomorrow to tell Jay the news.”

Author's Note

W H AT ' S T H E D E A L W I T H H O R I Z O N T A L R U L E S ?

Anyway, I had trouble writing this chapter for some reason. It felt super clunky and awkward to read and write through. Probably cause it's 3 am now when I publish it...

Ch. 1 - Kids, Don't Travel Through Dimensions Under The Influence

I stumbled out from the closet, leading into the pony world I swore I’d never return to. But my good friend alcohol said that it was a super idea to go there now! I mean, I'm drunk and all, but *hic* But those ponies are stupid! They won't even *hic* Even realize what's going on when I'm there out of-fucking-nowhere! Ha!

And you know I was so sober that I totally didn't stumble and fall over... I picked myself up and tried to continue walking only for my legs to give up from time to time. I realized that there was no point in trying to get out from the house I was currently in, so I looked around until I spotted a nice, closed door. I opened it and saw that it led to some kind of basement. I chuckled to myself and descended down the stairs, nearly falling over in the process.

As I was walking around in the basement, the alcohol really hit my senses and I started to feel sleepier with every passing second. I groaned and lay down on the floor. It was hard and not very comfortable, but it would have to do for now.

I groaned and rolled over onto my side, slowly moving my hand to my face. I tried to think of what happened the night before, but without any luck. ”What the hell did I do last night...” I grumbled and sat up, only to hit my head on something. Cursing I cracked my eyes open to see that the assailant was, in fact, a table of some sort. I rubbed the spot on my head with my right hand as I moved myself away from the table.

My stomach rumbled and a sudden urge to vomit made itself known. I lifted a hand to cover my mouth in panic and looked around. I didn't find some kind of trashcan, so with the grace of a rhino I leaned over the table and puked. ”Oh great, a hangover as well...” My stomach churned again. I sat down on a nearby couch and massaged my temples as the headache began. '...Well, at least I don't feel too bad anymore...' I thought.

I stood up and looked around. I was apparently in a basement of some sorts, as I noticed a staircase in the far end of the room, leading up to a door. This didn't seem to be an ordinary basement, as there were some strange machines and weird stuff lying around. My mind wandered off to the last time I had found myself waking up in a weird basement... I couldn't sit right for a week... 'Never another redhead...' I shook my head and took another look around. There weren't many things worth pointing out, but the machines scattered around were actually pretty neat. I giggled like a kid in a candy store and started playing around with them.

It wasn't long before I found a big, ominous red button giving off a faint glow. It was even encased by a plastic box with black and yellow stripes around it. All of those details made it very obvious that it was a button I really shouldn't touch. Well... Guess what?

I pushed it. Disregard the authorities, brethren!

The machine started blinking and rumbling. 'Maybe this was a bad idea, after all...' I panicked and looked around for some kind of cover. I saw the couch in the corner of the room and made for it. I leapt over it and covered my ears, preparing for the blow. The rumbling increased by the second, and eventually it felt like a minor earthquake. I heard some panicked shouts from the stairway. The rumbling started decreasing and I let out a sigh of gratitude due to the headache. I decided to stay behind the couch for the moment. The voices started talking again.

“Woah, what happened, Twi?” A young male voice said. ‘Huh... That was a weird nickname...’ Oh well, I shouldn't say anything. Each to their own and stuff like that.

“I don't know Spike... But the protection to the override button is lifted... I think there's somepony else down here...” That voice was obviously female, as-... ‘Wait... Did she say somepony instead of someone..?’ And that voice sounded kind of familiar...

To my own amazing luck, a sudden urge to sneeze started building up. I lifted my left hand to my nose and held my breath. I felt the sneeze go away and I sighed, allowing my hand to leave my face. And of course, as soon as I did that, I sneezed. And it wasn't a small, dainty sneeze; it was one of those sneezes which make you go 'What the hell just happened?' afterward.

“Over there! Behind the old couch!” The female voice exclaimed. “Go check it out, Spike.” I heard a sudden rustle coming from across the room, followed by footsteps. They stopped right next to the couch. I held my breath and tried to make myself smaller... It didn't go very well... Suddenly, a small purple head with green spiky-things was right in my face. It looked almost like some kind of lizard... We stared at each other in silence for a few seconds, and then screamed at the top of our lungs.

I scrambled to stand up and jumped over the couch, where some weird, purple dog...horse...thing... was standing 'Wait, isn't she..?' I for one, screamed again and tried to run away, only to find myself running in circles while yelling some weird gibberish. Now that's classy, people. I eventually tripped and smacked into the floor head first, drawing blood.

“Ow, son of a... Stupid floor...” I groaned and sat up with my back toward a nearby wall. The purple...thing took a step forward, and I tensed and scrambled to get away. “No, bad dog! Bad! Go piss on something else!”

“You..!” The pony shouted taking another step closer, “I remember you! You're the one who came through the dimensional doorway a month ago!” Her... Horn?... flared and an aura of some kind started glowing around it. She lifted a nearby chair and jabbed it toward me. I looked around for a weapon of my own. I found what looked like a leg from a table. I grabbed it and held it like a baseball bat.

”I'm not afraid to use this!” I swung it around a bit. She smirked and levitated two more chairs into the air. ”That's cheating!” I exclaimed with my arms held wide.

That's when it clicked. In my drunken stupor I had walked into the closet again... ”It's not cheating to use my magic, it's natural to me!” She pouted, ”I was never able to finish my report on dimensional doorways when you came back! And from what I heard, you destroyed a statue of the princess...” The aura stuff around the chairs and her horn turned into a slightly darker shade.

“Well, that was a month ago! For how long can you ponies hold a grudge anyway?” I crossed my arms with a huff. “Besides, I swore to stay out of this fucked up place the moment I returned home. And you destroyed my laptop!”

“Then why are you here again, if you swore to never return?” She lowered the chairs to the floor, but they were still glowing from her magic.

Last night...

”Dude!” I turned to my friend, who was slightly buzzed as well. ”Look what I found.” He held up a slightly dirty Barney the dinosaur suit.

”...Awesome” I slurred. ”Go on, put it on! We'll go and scare some kids with it!” He nodded and put it on clumsily, all while humming some weird song.

”You ready, man?” His voice was a little muffled from the mask. I nodded and we ran off to have some fun. I laughed as he tripped on his own feet and fell over. I helped him back up, and then we left.

“Long story short, I was stupid and decided to get drunk yesterday, leading me here when I was under the influence. Kids, don't travel through dimensions while drunk...” I drawled.

“I think he's insane, Twi...” I heard Barney whisper to the unicorn, who nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, you're probably right about that, Barney...” I nodded sagely.

“My name isn't Barney! My name's Spike!” He growled at me. I raised my arms to defend myself from the angry lizard. After a few tense seconds, I relaxed and brushed away some of my hair out of my face. I felt some blood from the hit earlier when I tripped, but shrugged it off and wiped the blood on my pants. I sighed and looked around in the basement again. When I turned my head back to them, the unicorn had stepped forward.

“Since I never asked this the first time you came here, what's your name?” I grinned. This was just a way to do something before returning home, but who says that I can't have some fun while I'm at it? I cleared my throat.

“I will not give you my name, pesky mortal! I am an eldritch god, and I can tell you... A... uh… A thing at a place that will make you all go bonkers in a matter of seconds!” I puffed out my chest and crossed my arms, still grinning.

When I noticed the look they were giving me, I deflated and sighed. “Well, you two are no fun... But alright... The name's Jay and I'm a human. Not much else to it worth pointing out. And you are..?” I looked at the pony.

“Oh, I never gave you my name the last time we met. I'm Twilight Sparkle! It’s nice to meet you, Jay!” She said politely and reached out with her right... Hoof? Whatever… I grabbed it and shook it. She stared at my hand as my fingers held her hoof in a firm grasp, but looked away as I noticed her staring.

“And as you already know, he's Spike.” Spike snorted a cloud of smoke when I looked at him. “And one more thing, you are in my basement and triggered a machine that could have made the entire library explode.” Her right eye twitched.

“Alrighty... Whatever you say, bad movies based on horrible books!” I walked past her and looked up the stairs. “You got any food around here? I'm starving.” As if on cue, my stomach decided to make one hell of a grumble. As I made my way up the stairs, Bad Movie and Barney started protesting wildly and told me to get back down in the basement. I ignored their pleading as I opened the door, and walked right into something fuzzy. I cursed and pushed away whatever it was that was in my way.

I heard something running up the stairs behind me. I presumed that it was Twilight who had decided to catch up with me. She gasped, “Princess!” ‘Silly pony, I'm not a pri-‘ I turned my head to see that I still had my hands on a big pony with a golden crown and necklace. The pony princess was staring at me with wide eyes. There were also some other white ponies in the room, but they were wearing some kind of golden armor and all of them looked pissed.

“Sun-butt! You're real! I mean, last time I was here I wrecked a statue of you, but I'm sure you wouldn't mind it at all! I mean, it made your butt look pretty damn big...” I grinned at her, and her mouth opened in shock. Before I could react, the golden ponies shouted commands and tackled me.

I saw Sun-butt approach me in the corner of my eyes and I tried to roll around to face her, but I guess I just looked like some kind of wiggling worm. I must've looked a little pathetic. She stopped next to where I was lying and looked down at me. “My, you really are a strange creature. An intelligent one at that...” She mused. Twilight, who now stood next to her gave her an 'are you shitting me-‘ look.

“I am sure that he didn't mean to disrespect me like that. Guards, you may release him.” One by one, the ponies who were holding me down moved away. I stood up and brushed off my clothes. “Now, how about we start over with our introduction, shall we?” She held her head higher and spread her wings. “I am Princess Celestia of Equestria. I raise the sun and rule the day.”

Did I.... Just assault royalty? Ooooh shit... “I um... I'm Jay, ruler of my bedroom. I raise an involuntary tent every morning.” I bit my lip. Did I... Really just say that? To my own relief, she chuckled while the guards just looked horrified. Spike covered his mouth and snorted, but a glare from Twilight silenced him. “I'll just... Go on home now...” I muttered and walked to the door I had entered to come here. As I turned the handle I expected to see my bed, but all I saw was a few cleaning supplies.

I felt a twinge of panic shoot through my body as I closed the door again and opened it again to see the same supplies as before. I tried several times. I was in full panic now. I can't get home... I can't get home... My family... What the hell is going on..? I slammed the door closed with all my strength, then opened it after a bit to see no changes.

After closing the door a final time, I turned around to face the ponies, leaned against the door and slumped down on the floor. All of the ponies except for Twilight Sparkle looked at me like I was crazy. Twilight looked at me in pity. I sighed and decided to speak my mind.

“I am sooo fucked...”

“Would... Somepony please explain this to me?” Sun-butt asked. I ignored her and tried to think of what went wrong. Twilight cleared her throat and started talking about some... Magical theory or whatever... The princess nodded from time to time to show her understanding.

Finally, Princess Celestia Sun-butt spoke up again. “It is most unfortunate what happened to you...” She looked straight into my eyes, but I looked away from her. “One thing about dimensional doorways is that they are very rare and unstable, and never exist at the same time for an extended period.” She sighed, “Sadly, this was the case here. The doorway ran out of power and collapsed, cutting off the connection to your world.”

“So, as a ruler of Equestria, I hereby officially welcome you to our world, Jay.” She finished with a small smile.

“Woo-freaking-hoo...” I drawled while waving my arms. “I don't plan on staying here that long, your highness, so you can shove your official greeting where the sun doesn't shine...” I grumbled and walked back down the stairs to the basement, then laid down on the couch. The killer headache was something I really didn't need right now...

----Third-pony switch----

“Well, that could have gone worse...” Princess Celestia mused aloud, receiving glances from the ponies in the room with her.

“Aren't... Aren't you gonna take him somewhere else?” Twilight felt a bead of sweat trickle down her forehead at the prospect of having the human stay in the library.

“Oh, no. I wouldn’t dream of it.” Princess Celestia shook her head with a chuckle. “I trust that you will help him and take good care of him while he's here.” Spike and Twilight gulped audibly.

“But... But he's so rude and is such a loudmouth! Besides, he isn't exactly one to trust!” Twilight tried to argue, but Celestia silenced her with a hoof to her shoulder.

“I have faith in you, Twilight. If somepony can change him, it must be you. I mean, a few years ago you were an antisocial shut-in with only one friend, who was also your assistant. And look at you now!” Princess Celestia smiled. Twilight had a hard time figuring out if she should be honored or insulted.

“Fine... He can't be that troublesome, after all...” Twilight lowered her head.

A crash and a loud 'oh shit' came from the basement, causing Twilight to cringe. When she turned back to the princess, she was nowhere to be seen, along with her guards. Twilight did notice that the door outside was wide-open. She groaned and shut it with her magic, then mentally prepared herself before she would head down into the basement.

“I have a feeling this won't end well...” Spike observed.

Arc 1 - NOPE!

Arc #1

of

Bad Company

In which Luna decides to win over the interests of Jay. Jay does not approve. At all and fights for his life against it. Meanwhile, Twilight finds out where her savings went.

Author's Note

WELP THIS IS A THING NOW WHOOPS