Highwayby totallynotabronyChaptersChapter 1Chapter 2Chapter 3Chapter 1Highway There was a sudden flash of light, revealing eight forms that hadn’t been there a moment ago. The pavement in the parking lot was wet, a remnant of a sudden thunderstorm over the city. The storm had moved on, but something new had been left behind. A tall woman dressed in deep blue looked at a small device in her hand. It indicated something that only she appeared to understand. She turned to three other people who were picking themselves up off the pavement. “Everything is nomal. The High Energy Matter Integrator worked as expected. There seems to be a little extra power expended, but that is minor.” “Oh my,” murmured a woman with expertly coiffed indigo tresses and a pale dress. She stared at her hands and the clothing on her body. “This is completely strange,” commented a blonde, her voice accented with country undertones. “So cool!” giggled the last, who brushed back her mint-and-white hair and looked around with excitement. “I’m glad you’re feeling so adventurous, Lyra.” The first woman stowed the gadget in the purse that hung around her shoulder. It was quite convenient that the High Energy Matter Integrator had been programmed to outfit them all so they could pass unnoticed. Some more than others, however. In addition to the four women, four vehicles sat quietly nearby. The first few trips to this planet had accidentally misidentified them as the dominant species, but instead of correcting the problem it had been decided that transportation could be useful. All the better to study these mysterious humans. Lyra walked over, touching the fender of a brightly colored car. The others followed, knowing what—or rather, who—the vehicles were. “Princess Luna, shall we start them?” asked Lyra. The Princess nodded. “You seem to be the expert.” Lyra opened the door of the car she was closest to, reaching in to turn the ignition key. Lights flashed on the dashboard. A voice spoke from the radio. “Hey, it’s me, Rainbow Dash!” “Anything with that many colors has to be you,” commented one of the women. “Ha ha, Applejack.” Lyra carefully inspected the car, searching her memory. “Rainbow, you turned into a Toyota Prius.” “Is that good?” “It’s a really popular car, and I’m sure that none of them are painted quite like you.” “Awesome!” Lyra closed the door and turned to a large pink van with painted advertising on the sides. As she started the smallblock V-8, a bubbly voice came blasting out of the speakers. “Hi everypony! Oh my gosh, this is so exciting! Hey, do you smell cupcakes?” Now that Pinkie Pie mentioned it, there was a faint scent of baked goods on the air. Lyra smiled. “Pinkie, you’re a Ford E-Series converted into a mobile cupcake bakery.” “This is so totally the best thing ever! I’ve always worked in a cupcake bakery, but I’ve never been a—” Deciding to ignore Pinkie in order to quench her own excitement, Lyra quickly moved on to a purple sedan that looked rather modest and unassuming. Turning the key produced a puttering noise from under the hood, with the faint whistle of a turbocharger. “Hello everypony! It looks like everything worked out.” “It certainly did, Twilight,” said the woman in white. “Hey Rarity. Wow, we all look so different. This is going to be an interesting experiment.” “That’s true,” confirmed Lyra. “You’re the only diesel in the group, Twilight; a Volkswagen Jetta TDI.” The last car in line was painted pale yellow with a pair of pink stripes that traced over the hood, roof, and tail. It was so low to the ground that Lyra had to bend over and contort herself to reach the key. The ten cylinder engine rumbled to life, sounding angry, a sharp contrast to the soft female voice. “H-hello?” “Hello Fluttershy,” said Princess Luna. The electronic voice dropped volume, becoming difficult to hear. “I’m so sorry about the noise.” “It’s okay,” said Lyra comfortingly. “You’re an SRT Viper. It’s just how you are.” “Oh,” said Fluttershy. “I suppose that’s all right. I do like animals.” “Hey!” called Rainbow. “How come my engine isn’t running?” “You have a hybrid electric drive,” said Lyra. “It shuts off when you don’t need it.” “Sounds really awesome,” laughed Rainbow. “Your fuel economy should be really good,” said Lyra. “The last magazine test I read said it was one of the highest.” “Am I sensing a ‘but’?” asked Rainbow, the tone of her voice changing. “Um…even with the electric motors you have the lowest horsepower of the group.” “I’m…not fast?” shrieked Rainbow. Rarity rolled her eyes and went to console the wailing Prius. Twilight spoke up. “Lyra, I’ve been meaning to ask you; how do you know so much about this?” “Funny story. I started getting this magazine in the mail called Motor Trend. It wasn’t addressed to me, but since it was coming from another planet I couldn’t really contact them to fix the subscription, so I just started reading it.” “Guess that explains why you were always sittin' weird on that park bench,” commented Applejack. “You were pretending to drive.” “I’m glad to have her along,” said Luna. “Ms. Heartstrings has proven to be a valuable resource for this project.” Remembering that they were there to conduct research, Twilight said, “Sure! Let’s get going.” Rainbow still had not recovered, and Luna thought she would try her hoof—er, hand—at calming her. Twilight invited Rarity to ride along. Lyra quickly slipped into Fluttershy’s snug interior. Applejack sighed and climbed into Pinkie’s driver seat. “So Applejack, isn’t this awesome? It’s totally awesome! You and me, the open road, our friends in a little convoy—” This would be a long drive, Applejack thought. One by one, the four cars and their passengers disappeared into the night. Across the parking lot, hidden in the shadows, sat a black ZR-1 Corvette. The woman behind the wheel smiled evilly as she watched the departing taillights. “Queen Chrysalis, are we going to pursue them?” asked a reedy, insectoid voice from the radio. It was accompanied by a rumble from the supercharged engine. “Yes, my minion.” The woman reached for the gearshift. “But first we have someone to visit.” “Willie Nelson?” guessed the transformed Changeling. “Correct. He will pay for what his music did to my ears.” Chrysalis glared through the windshield, remembering the oppressive sound that had been beamed through space to be used as a weapon against her. Never again, she vowed. Not if she had something to say about it. Chapter 2“Fluttershy, you have to shift gears.” “But-but first gear is safe.” “Yes, I know that you’re capable of doing sixty in first, but 6400 RPM is hard on my ears and terrible for your fuel economy. We’ll have to stop and get more soon.” “All right, I’ll try.” As Lyra watched, the gearshift hesitantly moved from first into second. She sighed. “Can you please go a little higher? Maybe all the way to sixth gear?” Fluttershy whimpered, not a sound that usually came from a 640 horsepower engine, but did manage to go to third. The cars all seemed to be able to drive themselves. Lyra sat back in the bucket seat and observed. Although she wasn’t sure how, the radios seemed to work both ways, allowing communication car-to-car. When it was revealed that Fluttershy’s tank was running low, they began looking for a gas station. A large complex came into view, with a sign that read “truck stop.” The concept of credit cards took a little while to figure out, but eventually they were able to obtain gasoline from the pumps. Fluttershy’s owner’s manual requested premium, so Luna purchased that grade for them all so as to leave none feeling left out. Twilight and Rarity returned from the other side of the truck stop. The woman was fanning fumes away from her face. “Ugh, those diesel pumps are nasty. I don’t even want to know how many trucks have used them.” “It’s just petroleum,” Twilight reminded her. “I find it pleasantly oily in my fuel injectors.” “This is why I volunteered to be a person for this adventure,” muttered Rarity. “I wanted to avoid a greasy undercarriage.” “Speak for yourself!” said Pinkie. “I’ve never had so much fun.” “There have pretty much been a continuous stream of cupcakes filling up her interior,” said Appleajck. “Are you saying I have too many cupcakes? I think that’s impossible, but if it’s true I guess we can give some away.” Lyra rubbed her stomach. “Now that we’ve filled them up, can we do something about us?” Luna looked towards the truck stop building, spotting a neon Diner sign. She motioned the others to follow her. The four of them entered. At this time of night, there was only one customer. He wore a jacket with a hood, revealing only part of his face. The man turned to them, nodding a greeting before going back to his food. Rarity approached, putting on a friendly smile. “Pardon us sir, could you tell us what is good to eat here?” “Nothing’s really bad. I come here a lot to relax when I’m in Nashville.” “Hey, I recognize your voice,” said Applejack. “I think I might’ve heard you on the radio.” The man nodded, seeming amused by her voice. “Maybe. Where are you from, sugar?” “Ponyville, born and raised. It’s kind of on another planet, so you probably haven’t heard of it.” “I suppose not.” Despite her somewhat strange statement, the man still seemed interested. “So how did you get here?” Luna wasn’t sure this was a good conversation to be pursuing, but Lyra broke in. “Precise application of a mixture of magic and technology. Isn’t it great?” At the mention of magic, the man stiffened. He dropped some money beside his plate and got up. With a nod of goodbye, he headed for the exit. The door slammed open before he got there. A woman wearing clothing that was various shades of black and green stormed in and pointed a finger at him. “Willie Nelson, we meet at last!” Luna moved forward quickly to intercept her. There was no doubt it was Chrysalis, although the Princess couldn’t imagine how she had gotten here. A look of concentration crossed the crazed Queen’s face and she flicked her hands at the man. Nothing happened. It looked like magic did not work on this planet. Luna grabbed her and the two of them traded blows. Chrysalis plunged her hand into Luna’s purse, yanking out the High Energy Matter Integrator, before knocking the Princess to the floor and rushing out. Willie lowered his hood, revealing long red hair tied up in braids. He knelt, checking to see if Luna was all right. “She’s getting away!” exclaimed Lyra, looking out the window. “And that’s a really fast car!” “We have to go after her!” shouted Applejack. “No way could we catch up. I mean, Fluttershy could come close, but with that much head start and at night…” Lyra didn’t finish the sentence. “She can’t leave us here,” said Luna, getting up. “The device needs a little while to recharge before it can be used again. We need to locate her quickly.” “Sounds like you could use some help,” observed Willie. He pulled out a cell phone and dialed. “Hello, Kris? I’ve got a little situation here. No, not something I can talk about on an unsecured line. Let’s meet up.” “A friend of yours?” asked Luna. “The best,” confirmed Willie. “Now, I hope you fine ladies could give me a ride. I’ve lost my driver’s license after a few too many cases of driving under the influence.” “Influence of what?” asked Rarity. “Marijuana. Could we please get going?” Luna asked Rainbow if she would be okay with another passenger. The former pegasus was suspicious, but willing to trust Luna’s judgment. She and Willie got into the Prius. “Nice,” commented Willie. “Good for the environment.” Applejack and Pinkie pulled up alongside. The woman leaned out the window. “Can I interest y’all in some cupcakes? I’m almost swimming in them.” “I love cupcakes,” said Willie happily. He accepted a dozen that Applejack passed him. The four vehicles and their passengers formed up and hit the road. “Tell me about yourself and your friends,” said Luna as she and Willie snacked on cupcakes. “Kris Kristofferson, Waylon Jennings, Johnny Cash, and myself were part of a paranormal enforcement team a while back. We toured the country while acting like a band, secretly protecting innocent people from things that go bump in the night.” “That sounds really cool,” said Rainbow. Willie stared at the radio for a moment, still getting used to the idea of a talking car who used to be a pony. Even nefarious magicians and evil creatures didn’t prepare you for some things. They pulled up to a gated community. A man waited for them. He had a beard and was somewhat taller than Willie, with somewhat shorter hair. He introduced himself to the group as Kris Kristofferson. “What about the others?” asked Applejack. “They both died several years ago,” said Willie sadly. “Natural causes, at least.” “So sorry to hear that,” put in Rarity. “I kept telling them both that exercise would do them good,” murmured Kris. “Not everyone can be a former Army Ranger,” said Willie, patting his shoulder comfortingly. “Wesley Snipes took my advice.” “Because he didn’t want the old guy in his vampire movie to outpace him.” “Er, sorry, but can we get back on track?” asked Twilight. Kris looked at the Jetta in surprise. “Oh yeah, forgot to mention,” said Willie. “Talking cars.” Kris considered that for a moment before shrugging. “So what's this situation?” “In a nutshell: aliens,” said Willie. “These are the good guys. A bad one took the thing they need to get home.” “Sounds serious.” Kris frowned. “Too bad Johnny isn't with us anymore. I mean, Waylon was all right, but Johnny really knew a lot about aliens.” “Well, he did give us permission to call him up if we ever needed help again,” commented Willie. Kris stared at him. “Is that a good idea?” “Which is worse; evil aliens running lose, or using black magic to reanimate Johnny Cash?” “I guess you have a point.” “I'm sorry,” said Applejack. “But did you just decide to get a zombie to help us?” “That's right,” confirmed Kris. With cupcakes filling up Pinkie’s interior, he elected to ride with Rarity and Twilight. “Unicorns,” Kris murmured. “And I thought the ‘60s were weird.” It was a relatively short drive from Nashville to Hendersonville, Tennessee where Johnny Cash was buried. While that was a larger lead Chrysalis would gain, she still wouldn’t be able to use the High Energy Matter Integrator and could be tracked down later. At least, Twilight hoped so. Princess Luna seemed to believe in these people. The purple Jetta decided to just keep rolling along and put her trust in them. “Dear, do you think you could keep those large trucks from driving so close to us?” asked Rarity, eyeing some of the traffic they shared the dark interstate highway with. “How am I supposed to do that?” questioned Twilight. “I don’t know, speak dieselese to them or something.” “I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work that way,” said Twilight. “Why not?” “Is this one of those ‘It’s magic, I don’t have to explain anything’ moments?” asked Kris. “I’m glad you’re familiar with the topic,” answered Twilight. Aboard Rainbow Prius, Luna and Willie quietly discussed their game plan. After resurrecting Johnny, he would hopefully be able to lead them straight to Chrysalis. They didn’t have very long to locate her before the device was able to be used again. “So you’re all famous musicians?” asked Luna. Willie nodded. “You could say that, which is why I hope we can keep this away from the general public. They never knew what we did secretly. Heck, I even created drug problems just so it would take attention away from that.” Luna searched for the right words. “That sounds like a great sacrifice.” “It sounds pretty cool to me,” added Rainbow. “It’s like you’re a secret agent or something.” “That’s one way of putting it.” Willie grabbed another cupcake. Speaking of cupcakes, Applejack was having a hard time keeping them out of her rapidly shrinking personal space. “Pinkie, turn that oven off!” “But I’ll get bored!” “So listen to the radio, look at the road passing by, something!” Pinkie was quiet for a moment. “Hey, what’s that red car doing beside Fluttershy?” Ahead, Lyra was coaxing her ride into being less afraid of the Ferrari F430 that had pulled up alongside. “I don’t like that buzzing noise,” whimpered the Viper. “That’s because it’s got a tiny engine,” said Lyra. “Well, in comparison to yours, I suppose.” “Why won’t it go away and leave us alone?” Lyra glanced at the other car. The driver was staring at her and would occasionally rev the engine a little higher. “Well Fluttershy, I think you’re being challenged to a race.” “I don’t like that idea.” Lyra shrugged and raised her hands, mouthing my car doesn’t want to at the other driver. He turned away in disgust and shot ahead. Hendersonville came into view not long after. The sun still had not come up, and the cemetery was dark. Four sets of headlights lit everything up nicely, however. “Stand back,” said Kris. “This might get ugly.” He and Willie knelt over the grave, performing some sort of ritual or spell. After a few minutes they stepped back. The dirt began to tremble and spread apart as a fissure opened in the ground. A man in a black suit rose from the earth as if carried by an elevator. He looked around at the assembled crowd. “Good to see you gentlemen again. Ladies, I don’t think we’ve met.” Luna took his hand somewhat hesitantly. She didn’t have much experience with reanimated corpses. His grip was strong but not cruel, and carried an undercurrent of manliness so deep that she could practically hear her last coltfriend whimper in embarrassment. “Pleasure to meet you, ma’am.” The man’s voice was deep and rough, sounding like a cement mixer being tossed inside a larger cement mixer. Luna couldn’t imagine how he could sing, but imagined that it was probably the most masculine thing in the universe. “Nice to see you, Johnny,” said Kris, breaking in. “These fine ladies have a bit of an alien problem, and we were hoping you could help.” Johnny listened to the story without displaying any emotion on his face. When it was over, he said, “I’ll do it on one condition. Get me a guitar. Somebody didn’t bury me with one.” “I’ll let you borrow Trigger,” said Willie. He retrieved an extremely battered guitar from Rainbow’s back seat. “Where did that come from?” asked Applejack in surprise. “With Trigger, you just don’t ask,” said Kris, shaking his head. Willie handed his guitar over and Johnny gave it a few experimental strums. He seemed unfamiliar with the junky-looking instrument, but soon had a rather nice tune going. “That’s nice,” said Fluttershy. Johnny stopped playing and raised his eyebrows. “Why thank you. I’m afraid I didn’t catch your name, sweetheart.” “F-Fluttershy.” “How would you like a little concert? We have a long drive ahead.” “I would really enjoy that, Mr. Cash.” “Please, call me Johnny.” He contorted himself to fit through the passenger door of the sports car, bringing in Trigger with him. Lyra shrugged and got in. “Where are we going?” asked Twilight. “Just follow Johnny’s directions,” said Kris. “He’ll get us to where we need to go.” They got back on the road as the sun began to rise. Chapter 3“We’re going east,” said Johnny. “How far?” asked Lyra. “A couple of hours,” said the man, continuing to play little tunes on the guitar. He glanced in the side mirror, seeing the small convoy of vehicles trailing behind. Fluttershy did not like leading the formation, but had put aside her qualms in order to help track down Chrysalis. They had to stop for fuel again. Rainbow had slowly warmed to the idea of hybridness, and boasted that her tank wasn’t anywhere near empty. While they were stopped, Applejack distributed cupcakes again, attempting to regain some lost ergonomic space inside Pinkie’s cabin. Kris patiently pumped fuel for Twilight, as Rarity had refused to touch anything related to diesel ever again. “Using top gear would extend your range by quite a lot,” Lyra was counseling Fluttershy. “But-but that’s an overall ratio of 2.24!” protested Fluttershy. “Do you have any idea how fast I could go?” Lyra sighed. This would be a long trip in third gear. Back on the road, Johnny apologized for not being any more specific than just directing them to east. He didn’t sound like a man who said sorry very often, something that only added to his mystique and attractive badboyness. “At least it’s east,” he said. “Could be worse. Could be Arkansas.” Lyra did not know how to respond, and merely nodded politely. The terrain began to pick up, turning into mountains and broad valleys. It was a range that Johnny called the Appalachians. Everything was quite scenic, and Lyra appreciated that she didn’t have to do the driving. A long line of motorcycles passed by in the left lane, a scruffy biker gang on their way to somewhere. Stopping for gas once more, Luna spotted the same group of bikers sharing the parking lot. They seemed to be waiting for something. Beside her, Willie noticed, too. “I wonder what they’re up to,” he said. “You should go ask them.” Luna decided that was a fine idea and directed Rainbow to roll across the parking lot to meet with the bikers. A man clad mostly in leather and with lots unkept hair met her as Luna rolled down the window. “Something I can do for you, lady?” “I was just hoping for some conversation on this fine day.” Luna smiled. The man looked around at his fellows before turning back to Luna with an unpleasant grin. “You came to the wrong place.” “I’m sorry, what do you mean?” “The last weird-looking lady paid us to take care of you and your crazy cars. How nice that you just came to us.” Without being told, Rainbow shot away as fast as she could. It took a few seconds for all the bikers to mount up and get their motorcycles started, buying all the cars a short head start. Lyra jammed the gas nozzle back into the machine and jumped in Fluttershy’s driver seat. She trod on the accelerator and the rear tires left twin trails of rubber on the pavement while screeching almost as loudly as Fluttershy’s surprised shout. A cacophony of voices came from the interconnected radios, hurriedly making plans for dealing with the biker gang. “I’ve got an idea,” said Applejack. “Pinkie, get into place.” The bakery van swerved into a trailing position behind the convoy. As the group of motorcycles closed the distance, the back doors burst open, spilling hundreds of cupcakes out onto the road. Pelted with baked goods, the bikers had no choice but to drop back. The cars continued on. Shortly, Johnny announced that they were getting close to Chrysalis’ location. The group stopped at the entrance to a national park, located in the mountains of eastern Tennessee. Johnny frowned in thought. “I think this place only has one main entrance. She’s expecting us to show up.” “If we know she set up an ambush, is it still an ambush?” asked Twilight. “It’s certainly a less effective one,” put in Kris. “What if we sneak in to see what she’s up to?” said Rainbow. “How are you plannin’ to do that?” asked Applejack. “Watch this,” said the Prius. She engaged her electric motors and moved off into the forested park, quieter than the wind. Luna and Willie kept their eyes peeled and before too long came upon a menacing-looking black car sitting in a parking lot among a small crowd of motorcycles. All were pointed away from the road, and Rainbow crept quietly by, unheard. Luna caught a glimpse of Chrysalis talking with some bikers. Evidentially she had hired more than one group to help her. The Princess discussed her options with Willie. A direct confrontation with a gang would not be a good idea. They would have to get Chrysalis alone. “Those chopper-type bikes aren’t so great in the turns,” said Willie. “They don’t have a very long range, either. Rainbow, you could probably make circles in the park with them following you until they run out of gas.” “Let’s do it!” The hybrid turned around and passed by the parking lot again, this time revving her gasoline engine to make a somewhat louder noise than before. As predicted, Chrysalis ordered the gang to give chase. The other three cars and their passengers rolled into the parking lot after the motorcycles and the Prius had departed. Johnny stepped out of Fluttershy’s passenger seat. He approached the woman leaning casually on the black Corvette. “Queen Chrysalis, I presume. Tell me why I shouldn’t beat you to death with this guitar." “Then you’d never know where I hid the High Energy Matter Integrator.” She smiled at him in a decidedly uncharming way. Johnny considered that. “What if I told you that this is Willie Nelson’s guitar?” “Get it away from me!” shrieked Chrysalis, jumping through the Corvette’s open window. Waylon Jennings would have been proud, as he was the original performer of the Dukes of Hazzard theme. Chrysalis spun the car in a half-donut towards the exit of the parking lot and zoomed away. Johnny got back in the car with Lyra. “Follow her.” The yellow Viper made small noises of fear. “I don’t want to do a high-speed chase.” “Please trust me Fluttershy,” said Lyra. “I’ve read a lot about car handling and performance driving at high speed.” Johnny shot her a look that clearly said he preferred experience over reading. He spoke to Fluttershy. “I know this is going to be difficult. I know you’re afraid. But this is very important to both of our worlds, and I know that you’re built to handle it. Let’s see some speed. Please, for me.” The shifter slammed forward into first gear and Fluttershy took off like a shot. Chrysalis and her minion had a head start, but the roaring V-10 under the former pony’s hood seemed determined to catch up. The two sports cars dashed through the narrow roads of the park, each pushing their limits. Lyra watched Fluttershy’s gauges, giddy with excitement at the speed. She glanced at Fluttershy’s gearshift as it climbed higher into the range than it ever had before. The twisting roads made for strenuous tests of the brakes, tires, and suspension of both cars. Fluttershy clung tenaciously in the race, practically glued to the rear bumper of the Changeling, not giving an inch. Lyra and Johnny Cash hung on for dear life, getting tossed around by the g-forces. The guitar almost fell out the window, but Johnny held onto it. Both cars made a rocketing loop of the roads in the park. They might have passed a group of stationary motorcycles, but there was too much speed for Lyra to be sure. Chrysalis steered back towards the entrance of the park. Out on the highways, the chase would become more complicated with a higher volume of traffic. The front gate came into view. It was blocked and rendered impassible by two large trucks. With a cry of frustration, Chrysalis and her minon slid to a stop, boxed in by Fluttershy and the other three cars that had been lying in wait. “Thank you very much, gentletrucks,” said Twilight. With a little flirt-coaching by Rarity, she had found it easy to get some help from passers-by on the highway. Johnny and Willy stepped around to the driver side of the Corvette. “Miss me, Chrysalis?” asked Willie. She shrank back in fear as Johnny passed Trigger to Willie. He gave it a quick strum and launched into his signature hit. “On the road again…” It didn’t take more than one refrain for Chrysalis to give in and hand over the device. She was still sobbing when the others met up to discuss what happened next. “I want to thank you all for your help,” said Luna. “Just doing what we love,” said Kris. “Out here making music and hunting aliens.” “It was fun,” said Johnny. “But it’s time for me to go back now.” Willie nodded sadly and stepped back. He swung the guitar and knocked the other man over the head with it. Johnny Cash died for the second time. The Equestrians said their goodbyes and Luna beamed them home back to their old bodies. Chrysalis and her minion were taken away by the Royal Guards. “Did you have a good time?” asked Celestia, greeting the group of them. “I learned something important,” said Lyra, looking at the Princess intently. “Cars, music, and the open road. That is what made America great.” “I’m canceling your magazine subscription,” said Luna. Author's Note This story is a sequel to What the Truck
Chapter 1Highway There was a sudden flash of light, revealing eight forms that hadn’t been there a moment ago. The pavement in the parking lot was wet, a remnant of a sudden thunderstorm over the city. The storm had moved on, but something new had been left behind. A tall woman dressed in deep blue looked at a small device in her hand. It indicated something that only she appeared to understand. She turned to three other people who were picking themselves up off the pavement. “Everything is nomal. The High Energy Matter Integrator worked as expected. There seems to be a little extra power expended, but that is minor.” “Oh my,” murmured a woman with expertly coiffed indigo tresses and a pale dress. She stared at her hands and the clothing on her body. “This is completely strange,” commented a blonde, her voice accented with country undertones. “So cool!” giggled the last, who brushed back her mint-and-white hair and looked around with excitement. “I’m glad you’re feeling so adventurous, Lyra.” The first woman stowed the gadget in the purse that hung around her shoulder. It was quite convenient that the High Energy Matter Integrator had been programmed to outfit them all so they could pass unnoticed. Some more than others, however. In addition to the four women, four vehicles sat quietly nearby. The first few trips to this planet had accidentally misidentified them as the dominant species, but instead of correcting the problem it had been decided that transportation could be useful. All the better to study these mysterious humans. Lyra walked over, touching the fender of a brightly colored car. The others followed, knowing what—or rather, who—the vehicles were. “Princess Luna, shall we start them?” asked Lyra. The Princess nodded. “You seem to be the expert.” Lyra opened the door of the car she was closest to, reaching in to turn the ignition key. Lights flashed on the dashboard. A voice spoke from the radio. “Hey, it’s me, Rainbow Dash!” “Anything with that many colors has to be you,” commented one of the women. “Ha ha, Applejack.” Lyra carefully inspected the car, searching her memory. “Rainbow, you turned into a Toyota Prius.” “Is that good?” “It’s a really popular car, and I’m sure that none of them are painted quite like you.” “Awesome!” Lyra closed the door and turned to a large pink van with painted advertising on the sides. As she started the smallblock V-8, a bubbly voice came blasting out of the speakers. “Hi everypony! Oh my gosh, this is so exciting! Hey, do you smell cupcakes?” Now that Pinkie Pie mentioned it, there was a faint scent of baked goods on the air. Lyra smiled. “Pinkie, you’re a Ford E-Series converted into a mobile cupcake bakery.” “This is so totally the best thing ever! I’ve always worked in a cupcake bakery, but I’ve never been a—” Deciding to ignore Pinkie in order to quench her own excitement, Lyra quickly moved on to a purple sedan that looked rather modest and unassuming. Turning the key produced a puttering noise from under the hood, with the faint whistle of a turbocharger. “Hello everypony! It looks like everything worked out.” “It certainly did, Twilight,” said the woman in white. “Hey Rarity. Wow, we all look so different. This is going to be an interesting experiment.” “That’s true,” confirmed Lyra. “You’re the only diesel in the group, Twilight; a Volkswagen Jetta TDI.” The last car in line was painted pale yellow with a pair of pink stripes that traced over the hood, roof, and tail. It was so low to the ground that Lyra had to bend over and contort herself to reach the key. The ten cylinder engine rumbled to life, sounding angry, a sharp contrast to the soft female voice. “H-hello?” “Hello Fluttershy,” said Princess Luna. The electronic voice dropped volume, becoming difficult to hear. “I’m so sorry about the noise.” “It’s okay,” said Lyra comfortingly. “You’re an SRT Viper. It’s just how you are.” “Oh,” said Fluttershy. “I suppose that’s all right. I do like animals.” “Hey!” called Rainbow. “How come my engine isn’t running?” “You have a hybrid electric drive,” said Lyra. “It shuts off when you don’t need it.” “Sounds really awesome,” laughed Rainbow. “Your fuel economy should be really good,” said Lyra. “The last magazine test I read said it was one of the highest.” “Am I sensing a ‘but’?” asked Rainbow, the tone of her voice changing. “Um…even with the electric motors you have the lowest horsepower of the group.” “I’m…not fast?” shrieked Rainbow. Rarity rolled her eyes and went to console the wailing Prius. Twilight spoke up. “Lyra, I’ve been meaning to ask you; how do you know so much about this?” “Funny story. I started getting this magazine in the mail called Motor Trend. It wasn’t addressed to me, but since it was coming from another planet I couldn’t really contact them to fix the subscription, so I just started reading it.” “Guess that explains why you were always sittin' weird on that park bench,” commented Applejack. “You were pretending to drive.” “I’m glad to have her along,” said Luna. “Ms. Heartstrings has proven to be a valuable resource for this project.” Remembering that they were there to conduct research, Twilight said, “Sure! Let’s get going.” Rainbow still had not recovered, and Luna thought she would try her hoof—er, hand—at calming her. Twilight invited Rarity to ride along. Lyra quickly slipped into Fluttershy’s snug interior. Applejack sighed and climbed into Pinkie’s driver seat. “So Applejack, isn’t this awesome? It’s totally awesome! You and me, the open road, our friends in a little convoy—” This would be a long drive, Applejack thought. One by one, the four cars and their passengers disappeared into the night. Across the parking lot, hidden in the shadows, sat a black ZR-1 Corvette. The woman behind the wheel smiled evilly as she watched the departing taillights. “Queen Chrysalis, are we going to pursue them?” asked a reedy, insectoid voice from the radio. It was accompanied by a rumble from the supercharged engine. “Yes, my minion.” The woman reached for the gearshift. “But first we have someone to visit.” “Willie Nelson?” guessed the transformed Changeling. “Correct. He will pay for what his music did to my ears.” Chrysalis glared through the windshield, remembering the oppressive sound that had been beamed through space to be used as a weapon against her. Never again, she vowed. Not if she had something to say about it.
Chapter 2“Fluttershy, you have to shift gears.” “But-but first gear is safe.” “Yes, I know that you’re capable of doing sixty in first, but 6400 RPM is hard on my ears and terrible for your fuel economy. We’ll have to stop and get more soon.” “All right, I’ll try.” As Lyra watched, the gearshift hesitantly moved from first into second. She sighed. “Can you please go a little higher? Maybe all the way to sixth gear?” Fluttershy whimpered, not a sound that usually came from a 640 horsepower engine, but did manage to go to third. The cars all seemed to be able to drive themselves. Lyra sat back in the bucket seat and observed. Although she wasn’t sure how, the radios seemed to work both ways, allowing communication car-to-car. When it was revealed that Fluttershy’s tank was running low, they began looking for a gas station. A large complex came into view, with a sign that read “truck stop.” The concept of credit cards took a little while to figure out, but eventually they were able to obtain gasoline from the pumps. Fluttershy’s owner’s manual requested premium, so Luna purchased that grade for them all so as to leave none feeling left out. Twilight and Rarity returned from the other side of the truck stop. The woman was fanning fumes away from her face. “Ugh, those diesel pumps are nasty. I don’t even want to know how many trucks have used them.” “It’s just petroleum,” Twilight reminded her. “I find it pleasantly oily in my fuel injectors.” “This is why I volunteered to be a person for this adventure,” muttered Rarity. “I wanted to avoid a greasy undercarriage.” “Speak for yourself!” said Pinkie. “I’ve never had so much fun.” “There have pretty much been a continuous stream of cupcakes filling up her interior,” said Appleajck. “Are you saying I have too many cupcakes? I think that’s impossible, but if it’s true I guess we can give some away.” Lyra rubbed her stomach. “Now that we’ve filled them up, can we do something about us?” Luna looked towards the truck stop building, spotting a neon Diner sign. She motioned the others to follow her. The four of them entered. At this time of night, there was only one customer. He wore a jacket with a hood, revealing only part of his face. The man turned to them, nodding a greeting before going back to his food. Rarity approached, putting on a friendly smile. “Pardon us sir, could you tell us what is good to eat here?” “Nothing’s really bad. I come here a lot to relax when I’m in Nashville.” “Hey, I recognize your voice,” said Applejack. “I think I might’ve heard you on the radio.” The man nodded, seeming amused by her voice. “Maybe. Where are you from, sugar?” “Ponyville, born and raised. It’s kind of on another planet, so you probably haven’t heard of it.” “I suppose not.” Despite her somewhat strange statement, the man still seemed interested. “So how did you get here?” Luna wasn’t sure this was a good conversation to be pursuing, but Lyra broke in. “Precise application of a mixture of magic and technology. Isn’t it great?” At the mention of magic, the man stiffened. He dropped some money beside his plate and got up. With a nod of goodbye, he headed for the exit. The door slammed open before he got there. A woman wearing clothing that was various shades of black and green stormed in and pointed a finger at him. “Willie Nelson, we meet at last!” Luna moved forward quickly to intercept her. There was no doubt it was Chrysalis, although the Princess couldn’t imagine how she had gotten here. A look of concentration crossed the crazed Queen’s face and she flicked her hands at the man. Nothing happened. It looked like magic did not work on this planet. Luna grabbed her and the two of them traded blows. Chrysalis plunged her hand into Luna’s purse, yanking out the High Energy Matter Integrator, before knocking the Princess to the floor and rushing out. Willie lowered his hood, revealing long red hair tied up in braids. He knelt, checking to see if Luna was all right. “She’s getting away!” exclaimed Lyra, looking out the window. “And that’s a really fast car!” “We have to go after her!” shouted Applejack. “No way could we catch up. I mean, Fluttershy could come close, but with that much head start and at night…” Lyra didn’t finish the sentence. “She can’t leave us here,” said Luna, getting up. “The device needs a little while to recharge before it can be used again. We need to locate her quickly.” “Sounds like you could use some help,” observed Willie. He pulled out a cell phone and dialed. “Hello, Kris? I’ve got a little situation here. No, not something I can talk about on an unsecured line. Let’s meet up.” “A friend of yours?” asked Luna. “The best,” confirmed Willie. “Now, I hope you fine ladies could give me a ride. I’ve lost my driver’s license after a few too many cases of driving under the influence.” “Influence of what?” asked Rarity. “Marijuana. Could we please get going?” Luna asked Rainbow if she would be okay with another passenger. The former pegasus was suspicious, but willing to trust Luna’s judgment. She and Willie got into the Prius. “Nice,” commented Willie. “Good for the environment.” Applejack and Pinkie pulled up alongside. The woman leaned out the window. “Can I interest y’all in some cupcakes? I’m almost swimming in them.” “I love cupcakes,” said Willie happily. He accepted a dozen that Applejack passed him. The four vehicles and their passengers formed up and hit the road. “Tell me about yourself and your friends,” said Luna as she and Willie snacked on cupcakes. “Kris Kristofferson, Waylon Jennings, Johnny Cash, and myself were part of a paranormal enforcement team a while back. We toured the country while acting like a band, secretly protecting innocent people from things that go bump in the night.” “That sounds really cool,” said Rainbow. Willie stared at the radio for a moment, still getting used to the idea of a talking car who used to be a pony. Even nefarious magicians and evil creatures didn’t prepare you for some things. They pulled up to a gated community. A man waited for them. He had a beard and was somewhat taller than Willie, with somewhat shorter hair. He introduced himself to the group as Kris Kristofferson. “What about the others?” asked Applejack. “They both died several years ago,” said Willie sadly. “Natural causes, at least.” “So sorry to hear that,” put in Rarity. “I kept telling them both that exercise would do them good,” murmured Kris. “Not everyone can be a former Army Ranger,” said Willie, patting his shoulder comfortingly. “Wesley Snipes took my advice.” “Because he didn’t want the old guy in his vampire movie to outpace him.” “Er, sorry, but can we get back on track?” asked Twilight. Kris looked at the Jetta in surprise. “Oh yeah, forgot to mention,” said Willie. “Talking cars.” Kris considered that for a moment before shrugging. “So what's this situation?” “In a nutshell: aliens,” said Willie. “These are the good guys. A bad one took the thing they need to get home.” “Sounds serious.” Kris frowned. “Too bad Johnny isn't with us anymore. I mean, Waylon was all right, but Johnny really knew a lot about aliens.” “Well, he did give us permission to call him up if we ever needed help again,” commented Willie. Kris stared at him. “Is that a good idea?” “Which is worse; evil aliens running lose, or using black magic to reanimate Johnny Cash?” “I guess you have a point.” “I'm sorry,” said Applejack. “But did you just decide to get a zombie to help us?” “That's right,” confirmed Kris. With cupcakes filling up Pinkie’s interior, he elected to ride with Rarity and Twilight. “Unicorns,” Kris murmured. “And I thought the ‘60s were weird.” It was a relatively short drive from Nashville to Hendersonville, Tennessee where Johnny Cash was buried. While that was a larger lead Chrysalis would gain, she still wouldn’t be able to use the High Energy Matter Integrator and could be tracked down later. At least, Twilight hoped so. Princess Luna seemed to believe in these people. The purple Jetta decided to just keep rolling along and put her trust in them. “Dear, do you think you could keep those large trucks from driving so close to us?” asked Rarity, eyeing some of the traffic they shared the dark interstate highway with. “How am I supposed to do that?” questioned Twilight. “I don’t know, speak dieselese to them or something.” “I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work that way,” said Twilight. “Why not?” “Is this one of those ‘It’s magic, I don’t have to explain anything’ moments?” asked Kris. “I’m glad you’re familiar with the topic,” answered Twilight. Aboard Rainbow Prius, Luna and Willie quietly discussed their game plan. After resurrecting Johnny, he would hopefully be able to lead them straight to Chrysalis. They didn’t have very long to locate her before the device was able to be used again. “So you’re all famous musicians?” asked Luna. Willie nodded. “You could say that, which is why I hope we can keep this away from the general public. They never knew what we did secretly. Heck, I even created drug problems just so it would take attention away from that.” Luna searched for the right words. “That sounds like a great sacrifice.” “It sounds pretty cool to me,” added Rainbow. “It’s like you’re a secret agent or something.” “That’s one way of putting it.” Willie grabbed another cupcake. Speaking of cupcakes, Applejack was having a hard time keeping them out of her rapidly shrinking personal space. “Pinkie, turn that oven off!” “But I’ll get bored!” “So listen to the radio, look at the road passing by, something!” Pinkie was quiet for a moment. “Hey, what’s that red car doing beside Fluttershy?” Ahead, Lyra was coaxing her ride into being less afraid of the Ferrari F430 that had pulled up alongside. “I don’t like that buzzing noise,” whimpered the Viper. “That’s because it’s got a tiny engine,” said Lyra. “Well, in comparison to yours, I suppose.” “Why won’t it go away and leave us alone?” Lyra glanced at the other car. The driver was staring at her and would occasionally rev the engine a little higher. “Well Fluttershy, I think you’re being challenged to a race.” “I don’t like that idea.” Lyra shrugged and raised her hands, mouthing my car doesn’t want to at the other driver. He turned away in disgust and shot ahead. Hendersonville came into view not long after. The sun still had not come up, and the cemetery was dark. Four sets of headlights lit everything up nicely, however. “Stand back,” said Kris. “This might get ugly.” He and Willie knelt over the grave, performing some sort of ritual or spell. After a few minutes they stepped back. The dirt began to tremble and spread apart as a fissure opened in the ground. A man in a black suit rose from the earth as if carried by an elevator. He looked around at the assembled crowd. “Good to see you gentlemen again. Ladies, I don’t think we’ve met.” Luna took his hand somewhat hesitantly. She didn’t have much experience with reanimated corpses. His grip was strong but not cruel, and carried an undercurrent of manliness so deep that she could practically hear her last coltfriend whimper in embarrassment. “Pleasure to meet you, ma’am.” The man’s voice was deep and rough, sounding like a cement mixer being tossed inside a larger cement mixer. Luna couldn’t imagine how he could sing, but imagined that it was probably the most masculine thing in the universe. “Nice to see you, Johnny,” said Kris, breaking in. “These fine ladies have a bit of an alien problem, and we were hoping you could help.” Johnny listened to the story without displaying any emotion on his face. When it was over, he said, “I’ll do it on one condition. Get me a guitar. Somebody didn’t bury me with one.” “I’ll let you borrow Trigger,” said Willie. He retrieved an extremely battered guitar from Rainbow’s back seat. “Where did that come from?” asked Applejack in surprise. “With Trigger, you just don’t ask,” said Kris, shaking his head. Willie handed his guitar over and Johnny gave it a few experimental strums. He seemed unfamiliar with the junky-looking instrument, but soon had a rather nice tune going. “That’s nice,” said Fluttershy. Johnny stopped playing and raised his eyebrows. “Why thank you. I’m afraid I didn’t catch your name, sweetheart.” “F-Fluttershy.” “How would you like a little concert? We have a long drive ahead.” “I would really enjoy that, Mr. Cash.” “Please, call me Johnny.” He contorted himself to fit through the passenger door of the sports car, bringing in Trigger with him. Lyra shrugged and got in. “Where are we going?” asked Twilight. “Just follow Johnny’s directions,” said Kris. “He’ll get us to where we need to go.” They got back on the road as the sun began to rise.
Chapter 3“We’re going east,” said Johnny. “How far?” asked Lyra. “A couple of hours,” said the man, continuing to play little tunes on the guitar. He glanced in the side mirror, seeing the small convoy of vehicles trailing behind. Fluttershy did not like leading the formation, but had put aside her qualms in order to help track down Chrysalis. They had to stop for fuel again. Rainbow had slowly warmed to the idea of hybridness, and boasted that her tank wasn’t anywhere near empty. While they were stopped, Applejack distributed cupcakes again, attempting to regain some lost ergonomic space inside Pinkie’s cabin. Kris patiently pumped fuel for Twilight, as Rarity had refused to touch anything related to diesel ever again. “Using top gear would extend your range by quite a lot,” Lyra was counseling Fluttershy. “But-but that’s an overall ratio of 2.24!” protested Fluttershy. “Do you have any idea how fast I could go?” Lyra sighed. This would be a long trip in third gear. Back on the road, Johnny apologized for not being any more specific than just directing them to east. He didn’t sound like a man who said sorry very often, something that only added to his mystique and attractive badboyness. “At least it’s east,” he said. “Could be worse. Could be Arkansas.” Lyra did not know how to respond, and merely nodded politely. The terrain began to pick up, turning into mountains and broad valleys. It was a range that Johnny called the Appalachians. Everything was quite scenic, and Lyra appreciated that she didn’t have to do the driving. A long line of motorcycles passed by in the left lane, a scruffy biker gang on their way to somewhere. Stopping for gas once more, Luna spotted the same group of bikers sharing the parking lot. They seemed to be waiting for something. Beside her, Willie noticed, too. “I wonder what they’re up to,” he said. “You should go ask them.” Luna decided that was a fine idea and directed Rainbow to roll across the parking lot to meet with the bikers. A man clad mostly in leather and with lots unkept hair met her as Luna rolled down the window. “Something I can do for you, lady?” “I was just hoping for some conversation on this fine day.” Luna smiled. The man looked around at his fellows before turning back to Luna with an unpleasant grin. “You came to the wrong place.” “I’m sorry, what do you mean?” “The last weird-looking lady paid us to take care of you and your crazy cars. How nice that you just came to us.” Without being told, Rainbow shot away as fast as she could. It took a few seconds for all the bikers to mount up and get their motorcycles started, buying all the cars a short head start. Lyra jammed the gas nozzle back into the machine and jumped in Fluttershy’s driver seat. She trod on the accelerator and the rear tires left twin trails of rubber on the pavement while screeching almost as loudly as Fluttershy’s surprised shout. A cacophony of voices came from the interconnected radios, hurriedly making plans for dealing with the biker gang. “I’ve got an idea,” said Applejack. “Pinkie, get into place.” The bakery van swerved into a trailing position behind the convoy. As the group of motorcycles closed the distance, the back doors burst open, spilling hundreds of cupcakes out onto the road. Pelted with baked goods, the bikers had no choice but to drop back. The cars continued on. Shortly, Johnny announced that they were getting close to Chrysalis’ location. The group stopped at the entrance to a national park, located in the mountains of eastern Tennessee. Johnny frowned in thought. “I think this place only has one main entrance. She’s expecting us to show up.” “If we know she set up an ambush, is it still an ambush?” asked Twilight. “It’s certainly a less effective one,” put in Kris. “What if we sneak in to see what she’s up to?” said Rainbow. “How are you plannin’ to do that?” asked Applejack. “Watch this,” said the Prius. She engaged her electric motors and moved off into the forested park, quieter than the wind. Luna and Willie kept their eyes peeled and before too long came upon a menacing-looking black car sitting in a parking lot among a small crowd of motorcycles. All were pointed away from the road, and Rainbow crept quietly by, unheard. Luna caught a glimpse of Chrysalis talking with some bikers. Evidentially she had hired more than one group to help her. The Princess discussed her options with Willie. A direct confrontation with a gang would not be a good idea. They would have to get Chrysalis alone. “Those chopper-type bikes aren’t so great in the turns,” said Willie. “They don’t have a very long range, either. Rainbow, you could probably make circles in the park with them following you until they run out of gas.” “Let’s do it!” The hybrid turned around and passed by the parking lot again, this time revving her gasoline engine to make a somewhat louder noise than before. As predicted, Chrysalis ordered the gang to give chase. The other three cars and their passengers rolled into the parking lot after the motorcycles and the Prius had departed. Johnny stepped out of Fluttershy’s passenger seat. He approached the woman leaning casually on the black Corvette. “Queen Chrysalis, I presume. Tell me why I shouldn’t beat you to death with this guitar." “Then you’d never know where I hid the High Energy Matter Integrator.” She smiled at him in a decidedly uncharming way. Johnny considered that. “What if I told you that this is Willie Nelson’s guitar?” “Get it away from me!” shrieked Chrysalis, jumping through the Corvette’s open window. Waylon Jennings would have been proud, as he was the original performer of the Dukes of Hazzard theme. Chrysalis spun the car in a half-donut towards the exit of the parking lot and zoomed away. Johnny got back in the car with Lyra. “Follow her.” The yellow Viper made small noises of fear. “I don’t want to do a high-speed chase.” “Please trust me Fluttershy,” said Lyra. “I’ve read a lot about car handling and performance driving at high speed.” Johnny shot her a look that clearly said he preferred experience over reading. He spoke to Fluttershy. “I know this is going to be difficult. I know you’re afraid. But this is very important to both of our worlds, and I know that you’re built to handle it. Let’s see some speed. Please, for me.” The shifter slammed forward into first gear and Fluttershy took off like a shot. Chrysalis and her minion had a head start, but the roaring V-10 under the former pony’s hood seemed determined to catch up. The two sports cars dashed through the narrow roads of the park, each pushing their limits. Lyra watched Fluttershy’s gauges, giddy with excitement at the speed. She glanced at Fluttershy’s gearshift as it climbed higher into the range than it ever had before. The twisting roads made for strenuous tests of the brakes, tires, and suspension of both cars. Fluttershy clung tenaciously in the race, practically glued to the rear bumper of the Changeling, not giving an inch. Lyra and Johnny Cash hung on for dear life, getting tossed around by the g-forces. The guitar almost fell out the window, but Johnny held onto it. Both cars made a rocketing loop of the roads in the park. They might have passed a group of stationary motorcycles, but there was too much speed for Lyra to be sure. Chrysalis steered back towards the entrance of the park. Out on the highways, the chase would become more complicated with a higher volume of traffic. The front gate came into view. It was blocked and rendered impassible by two large trucks. With a cry of frustration, Chrysalis and her minon slid to a stop, boxed in by Fluttershy and the other three cars that had been lying in wait. “Thank you very much, gentletrucks,” said Twilight. With a little flirt-coaching by Rarity, she had found it easy to get some help from passers-by on the highway. Johnny and Willy stepped around to the driver side of the Corvette. “Miss me, Chrysalis?” asked Willie. She shrank back in fear as Johnny passed Trigger to Willie. He gave it a quick strum and launched into his signature hit. “On the road again…” It didn’t take more than one refrain for Chrysalis to give in and hand over the device. She was still sobbing when the others met up to discuss what happened next. “I want to thank you all for your help,” said Luna. “Just doing what we love,” said Kris. “Out here making music and hunting aliens.” “It was fun,” said Johnny. “But it’s time for me to go back now.” Willie nodded sadly and stepped back. He swung the guitar and knocked the other man over the head with it. Johnny Cash died for the second time. The Equestrians said their goodbyes and Luna beamed them home back to their old bodies. Chrysalis and her minion were taken away by the Royal Guards. “Did you have a good time?” asked Celestia, greeting the group of them. “I learned something important,” said Lyra, looking at the Princess intently. “Cars, music, and the open road. That is what made America great.” “I’m canceling your magazine subscription,” said Luna. Author's Note This story is a sequel to What the Truck
