The Fear

It was late at night.  I was hit with inspiration, just all out of the clear starry sky.  It was brilliant, it was great, it was stupendous, it was… a lot of good stuff like that.  I’m Rainbow Dash; fastest flyer in Equestria, all around awesome pegasus, and now, soon to be recognized novel writer.  And I knew that night when I finally finished my masterpiece that it would be awesome.

I set my quill down, one hundred and seventy five pages finally written.  I yawned.  Seemed like I finished it just in time, there was no way I could stay up any later.  I clipped the papers together and crawled into bed beneath my warm blankets.  I know I fell asleep with a huge smile on my face.  So many months of planning and writing, so much frustration and getting lost, but finally it was ready for the world to see.

***

“Ahh,” I yawned loudly the next morning.  The sun woke me up right at dawn; it was a lot earlier than I was used to especially with the late night but that didn’t matter.  I saw my stack of papers on the table across the room and smiled again.  I could feel a small surge of adrenaline running through my veins.  I wanted to grab the novel and race outside but a rumbling in my stomach told me to eat first.

I poured a bowl of Cracklin’ Oats and ate breakfast.  I stared at the stack of paper that was my first novel as I ate.  All I could think about was showing it to somepony, anypony.  I wondered what they would think, what they would tell me.  They would like it, definitely.  Then again I knew not to expect everypony to like it but they would be the exception to the rule.

I finished eating before I knew it.  I grabbed my novel and stuffed it carefully into a saddlebag.  I threw the bag over my back and was about to head out the door when the time caught my eye; it was still pretty early.  I started pacing back and forth across the floor; this had to be one of the longest mornings of my life.  I mean really, the anticipation was killing me.

I, more than anything at that moment, wanted somepony to read this thing that second!  I hadn’t even told anypony about it.  Well, maybe I mentioned it in passing a few times, but that was a while ago when it wasn’t nearly completed.

“Wait a minute,” I said out loud.  “What am I doing?”  It suddenly occurred to me that I had been walking back and forth thinking about how my story would go over for the last hour.  I shook my head trying to bring back my normal thoughts.  This was crazy.  I needed to go outside and do something, anything, to pass the time.  I left.

***

A couple more hours had past.  I spent the time on a lone cloud floating over Ponyville watching the town wake up.  I was pretty sure that all my friends were awake by now.  I had to decide which of them I should show my book to first.  I could have shown Applejack but she was probably busy working the apple trees or something.

Rarity was probably drowning in fashion stuff.  Heh, she wouldn’t want to read it anyway, none of that mushy romance she’s into.  Twilight’s always categorizing something or other, I can’t just pull her and Spike away from whatever she’s probably doing.  I shouldn’t even bother trying Fluttershy she’s got some crisis with her animals I’m sure, something like that is always happening.  And I can’t go to Pinkie Pie because, well, because… she’s Pinkie Pie?  She’s probably working today anyway.

So what could I do?  I was totally certain that none of my friends would have time today.  Maybe I could have asked some random pony on the street?  Nah, they wouldn’t get it, and I’m sure nopony would just read a one hundred and seventy five page novel on the spot like that.  I sighed loudly and thought that maybe I should just wait until the next day.

“Hey Rainbow Dash,” I heard a voice call from the ground.  I looked over the edge of my cloud; it was Applejack looking up at me with a lighthearted smile.  “Whatchya sighin’ about up there?  Something wrong?”

“Uh, no,” I responded, “I’m all set, thanks.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t worry about it.  I’m sure you’re really busy bucking apple trees or something right?  Don’t let me keep you.”

“Actually,” she said sounding quite happy, “I took the day off.”

“Oh, really?  Well um…” I said looking at my saddlebag longingly.  “Uh, I’m sure you must have plans for today then, I’ll just let you get back to them.”

“Actually I…” she started to say.  I didn’t hear whatever else she said because I flew off as fast as I could.

***

I flew pretty far, I wasn’t even sure why; something in me just screamed, “run.”  I landed on the ground and hid behind a building.  Finally rational thought came back and I realized just how stupid I must have made myself look.  Seriously, all Applejack did was say hello and I high tail it out of there faster than a bolt of lightning.  What was I doing?  I decided right then, if I ran into one of my friends again I would just show her the book.

“Hi Dashie.”

“Ahh,” I nearly screamed.  I turned around to see Pinkie Pie and Twilight.  I slowly reached for my bag with a hoof but stopped when I touched it.  “Uh, hey guys.  What’s up?”

“Hi Rainbow Dash,” Twilight said.  “We were just going out for lunch.  Want to join us?”

“Uh.  Yeah, sure,” I said.  “Sounds like fun.”

I didn’t say much on the way to the restaurant, in fact I don’t think I said anything at all; I let Twilight and Pinkie do all the talking.  I didn’t even realize how starving I was until the plate of food was sitting in front of me.  I started eating right away and for a few minutes I forgot about the saddlebag on the floor next to me and what was in it, although I did find myself glancing at it now and then.

“Is something wrong Rainbow?” Twilight asked out of the blue.

“Huh?  What do you mean?” I asked.

“You’ve barely said a word to us,” she said.

“Yeah, and you keep looking at your bag,” Pinkie continued.  “Are you hiding something in there?  Oh, let me guess; is it a three-legged pony doll with an eye patch, or a collection of funny hats, or could it be an iguana?  Please, please let it be an iguana,” she said as she closed her eyes apparently wishing that one of her guesses would be right.

“No Pinkie, none of those are in my bag,” I deadpanned.

“Shoot,” she said.

“But what’s troubling you?” Twilight asked.  “We’re your friends, we can help.”

“It’s nothing,” I insisted.  “I just, you know, didn’t get much sleep last night that’s all.”

“Are you sure?” she pressed.

“I’m fine.  Look, I should get going.”  I tossed some bits on the table to pay for lunch and picked up my saddlebag.  “Thanks for the food.  See ya around.”  Then I just galloped off into town, running away, again.

I slowed down until I was just leisurely walking nowhere in particular.  I wasn’t being followed or anything so there was no need to run.  It was strange though, I still felt the urge to run, the urge to race home and hide my book under my bed never to be seen again.  I didn’t know why but for some reason the more I thought about showing my book to somepony the harder it was to actually do.  Just as I was considering flying home I bumped into another of my friends, literally.

“Oof,” we both said as I walked right into her.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Fluttershy said even though it was my fault.

“Oh, hey Fluttershy,” I said with some hesitance.  “Whatcha up to?”

“Sorry, I can’t really stay and talk right now, I’m late for my weekly spa session with Rarity,” she told me.  It kind of sounds bad but I immediately perked up when I heard that one of friends couldn’t spend time with me.

“Aw, that’s too bad,” I said bluffing my way through the conversation.  “I was hoping we could hang out today.  But if you have plans…”  I turned to walk away but Fluttershy stopped me.

“Wait,” she said.  “You could come with us, that is… if you want to.”

“Uh, thanks but the spa really isn’t my thing, you know?  Maybe some other time.”

“Oh Fluttershy dear,” I heard Rarity call from a distance.  “There you are, I was looking everywhere for you.”

“Sorry Rarity, I didn’t mean to be late,” Fluttershy responded.

“Oh but I was just coming to tell you, the spa is closed today; some big cleaning of the entire facility.  And today of all days too,” Rarity pouted.

“Oh.  That’s too bad,” Fluttershy said.

“But don’t worry darling, we can still share each other’s company.  We’ll just have to find something new to do for today.”

“Would you mind terribly if maybe Rainbow Dash could join us?  She really wants to spend some time together today,” Fluttershy said.  And right then it hit me; I was still standing there.  I probably should have taken the opportunity to leave when I had the chance but instead, like an idiot, I stayed standing there, waiting to be included in the conversation.

“Well of course she can, the more the merrier as they say,” Rarity said.

“Uh, thanks but I really wouldn’t want to take away from your time together,” I said trying to weasel my way out.

“Not at all,” Rarity interjected.  “The three of us really don’t spend nearly the quality time we should together.  It will be fun.”

“Actually, I just remembered something that I need to do that isn’t here,” I said quickly.  “I’ll have to catch up with you girls later.”  With that I flew off, leaving both of them a bit puzzled.  I kept flying higher and higher until I found myself heading home.

I walked into my bedroom and tossed the saddlebag on the floor.  I plopped myself down on the bed defeated.  I don’t remember falling asleep but I do remember waking up some time later.  The first thing I saw was a glimpse of Fluttershy before she shoved me into a big brown sack and carried me off.

I screamed and squirmed but couldn’t get out.  I wasn’t really worried since it was Fluttershy “kidnapping” me, especially when I could hear her saying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” over and over again.  Eventually I stopped kicking and just let her take me wherever we were going.

Finally we came to a stop and she set me down gently on the floor.  It took me a moment to stand up straight and get my bearings.  When I did I saw that I was in Twilight’s library surrounded by all my friends.  Each of them stared at me with a look of concern.  “Uh, hey guys, what’s going on?” I said tentatively.

“Rainbow,” Twilight started, “we know that something is wrong.”

“What are you talking about?  There’s nothing…” I started before Twilight used her magic to stop me from talking.

“You’ve been acting strange all day,” she continued.  “And it has something to do with what you’ve been carrying around.”  She levitated my saddlebag out from behind her.  My face soured when I saw it.  I had no idea if any of them had looked inside but I soon had an answer for that.

“Now your gonna tell us what’s been goin’ on or we’ll find out ourselves,” Applejack said.

“It’s nothing,” I insisted.

“It is not nothing,” Rarity scolded.  “Please, we are all worried about you.”

“It’s not…” I started trying to think up some excuse.  “I mean it’s just…”  I sighed.  There was no escaping it now.  “It’s my novel,” I said in a melancholy tone.

“Huh?” they all asked in unison.

“Wait,” said Applejack, “is this the same novel you kept mentionin’ you were writin’ for the past couple o’ months?”  I nodded.

“I don’t get it,” Twilight interjected.  “You never bothered to hide the fact that you were writing before.  What changed?”

“I finished it,” I said.

“Really?  That’s great,” Twilight said.

“Yeah, I thought so at first too,” I said.

“What do you mean?” Pinkie asked.

“Well at first I really wanted to show you all but the more I thought about it the more scared I got.”

“Why would you be scared?” Fluttershy asked.

“I don’t know.  I guess I was just worried that you wouldn’t like it, that it would all turn out to be one big waste of time.  And I just didn’t want to face that.”

“Well,” Twilight said as she took the papers out of the bag, “I can hardly judge a book that I haven’t read yet right?”  And so she took the pages and read the story, right there on the spot.  We all watched and waited as she used her speed-reading to go through the whole thing.  It was almost like torture to watch as my friend judged every line of my writing but it was also strangely exciting knowing that somepony else was reading my work.

She kept saying “hmm” and “huh” quietly as she read.  Her expression kept changing from neutral to confused and at a couple of points she let out a light giggle.  It was really quite difficult to know what she was thinking.  Finally she made it to the end and set the stack of papers down.

“Well,” she said, “I can only give a rudimentary assessment from such a quick read through.”  I gulped; this was it the moment I was dreading, would she like it?  Hate it?  My attention was completely on what she had to say.  “The storyline left something to be desired.  The characterization and plot development could use some work and there were multiple awkward areas that just didn’t quite seem to fit.  I didn’t look much into the grammar or spelling but I did see a couple mistakes.”

My head drooped and my heart sank; she hated it.  I knew it was a bad idea; I had no talent for it, I didn’t even know what I was doing really, I felt like a fool.  “However,” she said insistently.  I looked up at her, the last glimmer of hope about to die out.  “It wasn’t all bad.  Some of the comedy you wrote was quite clever and you seem to have put a lot of thought into it.  It’s clear that you worked hard on this.”  And that was true; I had worked hard on it.  I read an entire book on the history of the Wonderbolts just to get one scene just right.

“I’m actually a little impressed,” she continued.  The little spark of hope within me started to burn again.  “Being your first work, it’s far from perfect but I can tell you had fun with it and that’s really the most important thing.”  I thought about that for a minute.  She was right, coming up with a story and working it all out on paper was fun, so what if the finished product wasn’t perfect?  I smiled at her and she smiled back.

“And you know,” she said, “I am pretty good with books, so if you’re ever looking for an editor I would be more than happy to help.”

I chuckled and thanked all of my friends for being there.  The others all started to read my story and for a while we all talked about it; what was good, what was bad.  We all just kept on talking, discussing our favorite books and telling stories we knew.  In fact, I think that was the first time all six of us actually used Twilight’s library as a library.

***

And so, princess Celestia, I’ve written this short story about my day for two reasons.  One, Twilight thought writing something short that I was familiar with would be good practice.  And more importantly, two, this experience taught me something about friendship.  A real friend isn’t somepony who just tells you what you want to hear and tries to hide your faults.  A real friend is somepony who will be honest about what you do wrong and will strive to support you and help you improve and grow.  This is probably one of the most important things about friendship; that there is somepony there to help you, no matter what form of help it takes.

Your faithful subject,

Rainbow Dash.

P.S.

If I ever finish my novel for real, with some help from my new editor, I’ll totally send you a copy.  It’s going to be awesome.

~Edited by Twilight Sparkle.