ROCK 'N' ROLL NIGHTMARE
Based off of song of the same name by Spın̈al Tap
Written by That Gamer!
As you already know, at night, Luna liked to wander dreams. It was Luna's third job, in a sense. She raised the moon, was a princess and wandered dreams. The dream wandering thing was apparently all about stopping nightmares, which related to the whole Nightmare Moon thing. And this night was no different.
However, though this night wasn't that different, most of the dreams tonight were unnervingly pleasant. That was kinda a downer. That meant nothing to do!
"Another good one," Luna muttered, looking at another dream. "Ugh... We never thought we'd be-eth this angered at pleasant dreams..."
But, a few minutes after she said that, one particular dream caught her attention. From the looks of it, it seemed to belong to a red-coated, brown-maned fellow by the name of Heavy Duty, who was the lead guitarist of the band Vın̈yl Tap. Luna didn't know what it was that drew her towards it. It seemed like a normal dream; it was just Heavy playing guitar on an empty stage (save for amps, a drum set, microphones, etc.). But this was better then nothing. So Luna entered his dream.
Now inside the dream, it was pretty much the same as it was from the outside, except that Luna could now see that there was no audience or anything. It was just Heavy playing guitar. After a minute or two, he noticed her.
"Princess Luna," Heavy said in his English accent, "what in the world are you doing in my dream?"
"We do not know," Luna replied. "Something just drew us to this dream."
"Then why are you here if you don't even know why you came?" Heavy asked.
"This be-eth better then sitting a dream realm doing nothing," Luna replied.
Heavy nodded and continued to play his guitar, which sounded like a classical piece.
"Well, since we art here, can we ask-eth thou a question?" Luna enquired. "Since we hath nothing better to do."
"I have something to do, so it's just you," Heavy pointed out.
Luna sighed and said, "That be-eth not what we meant. So... Can we ask-eth thou that question?"
"Sure. Why not?"
"OK, so, in that one song thy band doth made-" Luna began.
"Could you please specify?" Heavy interrupted Luna.
"Let us finish," Luna continued. "Continuing on, in that one song thy band doth made, 'Rock N Roll Creation', art thou really suggesting that our mother, Lauren Faust, first created this... Rock 'n' roll music first?"
"Yes. I mean, when you're gonna create the universe, what're you gonna listen to?" Heavy replied. "What're you gonna do? Hum? Listen to muzak? You listen to that... Muzak... Without music! So, obviously, you have to create that first. A-and it kind of gave her the energy to continue making it."
"We still question that song," Luna said.
Heavy nodded once again and went back to his playing.
"How's the band been?" Luna asked awkwardly.
"Good, good..." Heavy muttered.
There was a brief period of quiet, ignoring Heavy's playing, before Luna said, "If there's nothing else for us to do here-"
All of sudden, there was a very loud rumble and Heavy looked terrified.
"What in Equestria-?!" Luna shouted.
"Oh no, not again!" Heavy moaned in anguish, loud enough to be heard.
"What?! What be-eth the problem?!"
"The Devil! He's coming!"
"Who?" was all Luna could get out before the ground split apart dramatically and, just like Heavy said, the Devil came out.
Judging from this, we guess this be-eth a nightmare... Luna thought. A stupid one, but one nonetheless. We doth wonder what he did to get the bucking devil involved. We guess we will find out.
Back with the Devil and Heavy Duty, the latter tried to get away from the fiend, but, using MAGICK (I think), the Devil pulled him back.
"Please, not again!" Heavy begged. "Anything but what you want me to do!"
"There's no use arguing!" the Devil laughed.
"How about bargaining?" Heavy suggested with a weak grin.
"I think... Not!" the Devil exclaimed, still think this was hilarious. "You will eat this drum set!"
"NO!!!" Heavy cried, struggling.
"If you do, I'll give you a Twinkie!" the Devil offered.
"Hey, I thought you said 'No bargaining'!" Heavy said.
"I'm the Devil, kid," the Devil reminded Heavy. "I can go back on whatever I want!"
Heavy grunted in annoyance.
"Wait, this all be-eth over eating a drum set?" Luna cut in. "Is this a nightmare or an episode of Fear Factor?"
"A nightmare, obviously!" the Devil answered for Heavy.
Luna sighed. "No, no, what we mean-eth is... What did he do?" she asked.
"Why are you asking me? Ask him!" the Devil said, presenting Heavy to Luna. "You have a half hour! Then you will finally eat this!"
Luna nodded, though she could always make the Devil disappear. It came with the dream jumping.
"We have to ask-eth thou," Luna said to Heavy, "whatever did thou do-eth to get... What ever this be-eth?"
"I can still hear you!" the Devil shouted.
Ignoring him, Heavy Duty replied, "I... I think it has something to do with our past members."
"And what about your past members?" Luna asked, raising an eyebrow.
"In Vın̈yl Tap, ya see... W-we've had a lot of... Drummers," Heavy replied, putting a hoof to his chin.
"How does this draw-eth the Devil, exactly?"
"The band... Has had around 96 members," Heavy told Luna.
"N-n-ninety... 97 members?!" Luna was shocked.
"And I think 62 of them were drummers-" Heavy mused before being cut off by Luna.
"62! 62 drummers!" Luna shouted, almost going to her Royal Canterlot Voice. "How the buck does a band have 62 drummers?!"
"Well... Most of them died," Heavy explained. "One died in a bizarre guarding accident... Police say it's better to leave that one unsolved... One was eaten by sharks after attempting to jump over it on a tricycle... Actually, we did fire one of them. I think his was... Yeah, his name was Mama Hi-Hat a-and we fired him because he couldn't take a 4/4 for s#!t."
"Any others?" Luna was legitimately curious about how the other 59 went out.
"Well, one choked on vomit..." Heavy said.
"Who's vomit?" Luna enquired.
"Nopony knows... Y-you can't really dust for vomit," Heavy explained. "Also, I think I remember one spontaneously combusting..."
"Ponies just don't-" Luna started.
"Half hour's up!" the Devil suddenly shouted, showing Heavy Duty back to the drum set.
"Hey, we thought we got-eth rid of you!" Luna said at the Devil.
"Oh, sweet, dear Luna," the Devil chuckled, "you can't get rid of the Devil!"
"Thou art just part of a dream!" Luna pointed out.
"I'm still the Devil!" the Devil exclaimed. "Now, Heavy, you will finally-"
"I want my lawyer!" Heavy cried, struggling as much as he could.
The Devil groaned and said, "Shut up! You don't get a lawyer! Now eat it!"
"Oooh! This makes me wonder about where my career went wrong!" Heavy moaned.
"Sure, the Devil doth came to make thou eat-eth thy drum set," Luna murmured to herself, "and the thing you're worried most about is your career."
"But if I eat this drum set, it could put a damper on the band's reputation!" Heavy argued.
"Thou hath had 62 drummers!" Luna reminded Heavy.
"Oh yeah..." Heavy muttered. "I think one was eaten by his pet python..."
Suddenly, the Devil used his own MAGICK to knock Luna back. "Enough!" he snapped.
"Excuse me, Devil!" Luna said, annoyed. "Thou did not have to do-eth that."
"Hey, I've been trying to get this idiot to eat these drums for months!" the Devil said. "Give me this!"
"No, our job is to prevent nightmares like this!" Luna shouted, charging up her own horn. "Normally, we would do this by other means, but since you doth attacked first..."
"N-no, really, you d-don't have to, princess," Heavy said with a stammer. "T-this dream n-normally ends after he t-tries to get me to eat it."
"Then why is this dream still going... Eth?" Luna asked.
"No, I-I mean after he really tries," Heavy corrected himself.
"By that, he means this," the Devil said. To demonstrate, he slammed Heavy's face down on the drum set- then Luna was thrown out of the dream.
"So that's what he meant..." Luna muttered, rubbing her head. "Huh..." And with that, she went off to see what Twilight Sparkle was dreaming.
Meanwhile, somewhere in the Equestrian Britannia, a pony named Heavy Duty woke up with a jolt.
"I just had the strangest dream..." Heavy muttered.
"I'd say," commented Hell St. Hole, who kinda looked like Surprise. "You were thrashing around like... Faust, I don't know what."
"Certainly was violent," added Big Bottom, who looked like he had tan fur and a black mane.
"What'd you dream about?" St. Hole asked.
"The same thing I've been dreaming for the last couple months," Heavy replied. "Bloody Devil keeps coming into my dreams a bucking everything up. But this time was kinda different."
"And how would that be?" St. Hole asked.
"Yes, please... Please elaborate," Big Bottom nodded.
Heavy took a deep breath. "Well, Luna was there-"
"The princess?"
"Yes, Nyx, the princess, now shut up," Heavy continued. "I-in any matter, she came and... And we talked about drummers."
"Drummers?" St. Hole echoed.
"Yes, I just said that," Heavy muttered.
"That's an odd topic," St. Hole said.
"Could have been odder," Big Bottom said.
"How so?" St. Hole and Heavy asked at the same time.
"I wanted to say that," Heavy said to St. Hole.
"Well, too late, we said it at the same time," St. Hole muttered with a smirk.
"You see? This is how it could have been odder," Big Bottom stated.
Heavy nodded. "He's right, you know," he said.
"Passed right over that fine line between clever and stupid," St. Hole added.
"I thought it was odd," Heavy said.
"I think they're kind of the same thing," St. Hole said.
"Could be," Big Bottom said with a shrug.
Just then, there was a knock on their door.
“Now who could that be?” Heavy wondered aloud.
“If you want to know, you should go over and check,” Big Bottom told Heavy.
“Right...” Heavy got up and went over to the door so he could open it. When he did, a royal Equestrian guard was standing behind it. “'Ello. What brings you 'across the pond' or whatever it the Amareicans like to say?”
“I'm here on behalf of Princess Luna,” the guard stated. He pulled out a piece of parchment and read, “Thy dream is kind of stupid. We know it be-eth insulting, but it be-eth the truth.” A couple seconds later, he added, “Also, tell us how the other 55 drummers doth died.”
“Is that all?” Heavy asked.
“I think,” the guard replied before leaving.
Heavy stood there for a couple moments before deciding to get back to his conversation. And it went on for many hours. Believe me, it did.
Author's Note
I wrote only wrote this (in four hours) because nobody else has written a fic based off of anything Spın̈al Tap related. I'm sorry if it's stupid, but, y'know, what isn't? Look, it was either write this or "Tomorrow Never Comes" and I know how people disliked "Something Else Matters".
