Chapters Chapter 1: Never Play the Hero
“I can’t believe we got caught,” muttered a dirty brown dragon. He, along with a large group of other prisoners, were being moved through the outskirts of the Hallow Woods to a Lunar Prison Camp. “Honestly, this is all your fault Dust Devil,” he muttered, looking at the chained dragon behind him.
“Me?!” scowled Dust Devil, a black and pink drake. “How the hell is this all my fault, Bitterbite?”
“Now, we’ve been through this before: it’s always your fault,” Bitterbite said with a smirk.
“He’s right, you know,” a long slender dragoness that was standing ahead of Bitterbite mentioned. “You really screwed us over this time.”
“Shut up, Glimmer,” mumbled the black drake.
“Make me.”
“I would if I didn’t have these freaking chains holding me down. I…” grumbled Dust Devil.
“Hey, it could be worse,” said Bitterbite. “You could have to wear a muzzle like Lurch up there.”
The brown dragon pointed to their very large friend Lurch, a pale blue dragon at the front of the line. He remained silent from the large metal bite guard that the soldiers had placed around his face.
“Poor guy…” sighed Glimmer.
“Still, it was funny as hell when he bit that kirin’s hoof off,” chuckled Dust Devil.
“Do you think he regrets it?” asked Bitterbite.
“Not a chance,” said Glimmer. “Too hysterical to ever regret.”
“HEY!!” shouted a nearby soldier, walking up to the chatting dragons. “Keep it down, unless you all want muzzles like your friend over there,” he said pointing to Lurch.
“Big talk, half-breed,” snickered Dust Devil, pointing out the soldiers dragonish traits.
The guard was, in fact, a kirin. A half-dragon, half-pony cross breed that were the favoured warriors of the Lunar Republic. They were usually a darker coat of grey with yellow or green reptilian eyes, sometimes even blue with a pair of scaly dragon wings. Kirins were considered much stronger, quicker, and faster-healing than your average pony because of the dragon’s blood that coursed through their veins. However, unlike their dragon cousins, they were bred with one purpose- to serve Luna in the war against her sister.
“At least I have purpose, you overgrown iguana,” the kirin muttered.
“You’re a disgrace to our race, half-breed,” Dust Devil sneered, spitting in the face of the dark coated kirin.
The dragon-pony wiped off the glob of spit on his face. “You’ll pay for that!” he shouted, jabbing his spear into Dust Devil’s stomach. The tip didn’t pierce his tough scales, but it didn’t have to. A surge of electricity pulsed through the dragon as he screamed and twitched, falling to his knees in uncontrollable spasms. “Still plan on being a smartass?”
“Pro… Probably,” the black drake panted.
“Then take a look at this,” the kirin said, reaching into one of the pockets in his guard armour. He pulled out a strange metal collar, its silver glimmering in the dusk light. “Do you know what this is?”
“A pretty necklace to give to your boyfriend?”
“It’s a slave collar,” he said, wiping the smile off of Dust Devil’s face. “A wonderful piece of enchanted metal, once it clamps on, only the one who put it on can take it off.”
“Silver isn’t my colour,” the dark drake smirked.
“That’s too bad, because I think that it would look pretty around your skinny little neck,” the dragon-pony said. “When I put this on, I will own you. Remember that little shock I gave you? Imagine if I could do that with merely a thought. I could make you squirm like the little insect you are. Of course, if you are willing to behave a bit, I’ll reconsider. So what do you say, ‘brother’?”
Dust Devil looked up at the kirin, staring daggers into his eyes. The hatred was unparalleled, but he was forced to concede. He slowly got up to his feet and walked back in line in silence.
“We’re not the insult,” the kirin muttered. “It’s you barbaric dragons that are the real insult. As soon as Princess Luna finds a way to create fertile kirin females, we will have no need for your race,” the soldier walked back to his position, keeping his electrically powered spear pointed at the dragon.
It wasn’t long before they reached the prison camp, a hastily thrown together assortment of cages and tents. All around them stood more soldiers for the Lunar Republic, with cages crammed with war prisoners, most of which were mares and stallions of the Celestial Army. No one truly remembered when or how the war first began. The Lunar Republic believed that it was Celestia’s fault because she wanted to become supreme ruler of Equestria and tried to have her sister killed. Others believed that it was, in fact, Luna’s fault, as she felt underappreciated and attempted to overthrow her older sister again. However, most ponies looked at it as the age old rivalry of two sisters. One was a power hungry tyrant, the other a hot-headed rebel.
“Get in there,” a kirin guard ordered, shoving the dragons into a rather small cage. “We’ll have you shipped to the capital in Manehatten in the morning. Until then, keep a lid on it.”
“What are you going to do with us?” asked Bitterbite.
“The dragoness will be shipped to a breeding colony where she will have the honour of being the mother to several generations of our superior race,” he said. “And as for you, fatty, and the annoying one, you’ll be lucky if you can be sold off as some filly’s pet. Otherwise you end up volcano diving for the rest of your miserable lives.”
“I’d rather die than to be the mother of such FREAKS!” screamed Glimmer, her eyes flaring as she reached through the bars of the cell, furiously trying to slash and reave at the kirin.
“You won’t have a choice,” droned the kirin as he started walking away. “The Lunar Republic will win this war, and you will all play your part, whether you like it or not.”
The dragons watched as the kirin walked away. Bitterbite fell to his rump, dragging his claw against the metal floor of the cage.
“Do you think you can dig us out?” asked Dust Devil.
“No,” sighed the brown dragon, shaking his head. “It’s made out of Starmetal; it would take days for me to claw through this. So, unless I can find a way to heat this to four thousand degrees or gain an ungodly amount of strength, we are one hundred percent, without a shadow of a doubt, totally screwed.”
“Way to be positive,” grumbled Dust Devil. “Hey Lurch, you’ve been unusually quiet, got any ideas?”
The large blue dragon frowned at the black drake. He was still muzzled and unable to talk.
“Yeah, I’d get that thing off of you… But your silence is so nice,” snickered the black dragon.
WHACK!
Lurch’s fist collided with Dust Devil’s face, knocking him unconscious.
“Thank you!” laughed Bitterbite. “About time someone shut him up.”
“Nice to see that, even in the face of certain danger and slavery, Dust Devil can still put a smile on your face,” said Glimmer.
“So... what do we do know?”
“We wait,” sighed Glimmer, sitting down on the metal floor.
“For what?”
“To be either killed, enslaved… or freed.”
*****
Night quickly fell on the camp. Campfires illuminated the darkness with their faint amber glow, providing warmth and comfort for the tired soldiers, roasting their mixed kebabs of vegetables and meat; the dragons’ blood in the kirins required at least an omnivorous diet. It sickened the pony soldiers, but they knew better than to try and match a kirin one on one. Besides, the war had left many dead, and Luna was a strong believer of ‘waste not want not’.
The prisoners were given a strange slimy gruel to eat. Some refused to eat it out of pride, others scarfed it down, too hungry to pass up a free meal. They were all miserable behind the cold metal bars of the Republic, lying around in their cells huddling with each other for warmth. They had long given up hope that they would ever escape, that they would ever see their love ones again, that they would ever be free.
The perimeter of the camp had troops constantly on patrol around it. Having their camp nestled in the Hallow Woods had its advantages, but it was also the home to some of the less friendly wildlife in Equestria.
*****
“Do you think there’s somepony watching us in there?” asked a unicorn guard. He and a pegasus were doing their rounds around the camp when he had brought this up. “Well, do you?”
“Why on earth would you ask a question like that, Curb Hoof?” the pegasus muttered. “Are you trying to make me paranoid?”
“I’m just saying, Night Sky, there might be an ambush tonight,” said Curb Hoof.
“We haven’t been attacked in months. Not since that Manticore attack, and even that was just a bunch of pissed off animals. Nothing with two brains cells to rub would be stupid enough to attack us.”
“Just saying it’s been too quiet,” grunted the unicorn. “Plus, there are all those fresh new prisoners. Who’s to say that there isn’t a rescue party coming?”
“Because any Celestial soldier this far into Lunar territory is dead or in one of our prison camps.”
“Well…” pondered Curb Hoof. “What about the dragons?”
“What about them?” asked the pegasus.
“Remember when they raided our supply carts? There were five dragons. There was the big one, the dragoness, the annoying one, the dirty one, and the purple one.”
“Your point?
“We never caught the purple one,” said the unicorn. “He’s still out there.”
The pegasus sighed. “What’s one dragon going to do? Single-handedly infiltrate the camp, take out all the guards, and free his companions?” he asked. “This place is a fortress, even a dragon would think twice about trying to break in here.”
“I don’t know, they’re tough S.O.B.s, you know,” said Curb Hoof. “Nearly impenetrable scales. They’re large, fast and strong, with razor sharp teeth and claws. Hell, they can even see in the dark and breathe fire.”
“Well, not all of us can…” snickered a voice from beyond treeline, “but, unfortunately for you, I’m one that can.”
“Wha-”
The guards wouldn’t get to finish their sentence, as the blast of flames erupted from the forest, engulfing the two screaming ponies. When the flames had settled, there was nothing left of the ponies but ashes and burnt steel.
“Well that was fun,” said the dragon that walked out of the forest. His scales were a light purple with a pale green for his underbelly. He had thick muscles, with broad shoulders and a flat-toned stomach. He looked quite intimidating, even for a dragon. He had a long snout with a mouth filled with brilliant white teeth that shone almost as much as his glittering green reptilian eyes, the same shade of green as his spines that rode down his back and top and long tail.
“What was that light?!” called a guard from the camp. “Somepony check that out!”
“Should have seen that coming,” mumbled the purple dragon as he quickly jumped onto the wall surrounding the camp, his claws easily digging into the wood. He slowly ascended the wall, making sure that no guards could see him. When he got to the top, he peeked his head over. There weren’t any ponies there, yet, so he jumped over, landing on the catwalk on the other side.
“I think it was over here!” shouted an oncoming earth pony, following a kirin. Spike quickly dove behind a couple of stacked barrels before the guards could see him, so they just walked passed him and looked over the edge. “Yeah it’s here, look at all that ash. What do you think happened?”
“Same thing that’s going to happen to you,” the dragon smirked, crawling out from behind his cover and catching the guards by surprise. He grabbed the earth pony by the neck, easily twisting it until he heard a sickening crack. The kirin was still in shock, so the dragon quickly elbowed him in the jaw before slashing his throat open. With both of them dead, the drake disposed of their bodies, throwing them over the wall.
With that dealt with, he flipped under the catwalk and crawled upside down on the bottom. He was well hidden within the shadows beneath the rafters, so he was able to scope out the camp. What he saw was a forest of tents and campfires, as well as many, many guards. The prison cells were on the other side of the camp- his goal. He started crawling again, passing over and under oblivious guards. Eventually, he got as far as he could to the prison area by the way he was traveling, but he was still a couple hundred yards away.
“Do you think that they solved all that commotion?” one unicorn asked another one as they walked and stopped right underneath the sneaking dragon.
“Don’t know, haven’t heard anything yet,” the other replied.
“Think that they’re still investigating?”
“Probably, I’m sure it was nothing, worst case scenario is that there was a monster or something and it ran back into the forest…”
The two ponies kept talking about what could have been in the forest, while the actual thing was getting irritated with waiting for them to move. The dragon took a quick look around; there was no pony in sight. If he did this right, he could take them both out silently- and with a single move. He took a deep breath as he let go of the catwalk, falling down back first and in between the ponies. As he fell, he twisted mid-fall and grabbed both ponies, one with his hands, and the other with his feet. With another twist, he flipped over both of them, locking them both in his arms and legs. He squeezed tighter on both of them, trying to choke them out, but the the horn of the unicorn between his legs began to glow, and the dragon felt pressure trying to pry his legs off of the pony. He needed to act fast, so he quickly cracked the neck of the stallion in his arms.
With that pony dead and out of the way, he could focus all attention to the other one. He sat up and grabbed the unicorn’s horn, muffling its magic. With all his might the dragon started to snap off pony’s horn, causing the unicorn to cry in a muffled scream. When the horn finally snapped off, the pony hollered hysterically into the dragon’s thigh. The drake just grinned as he drove the horn right back into his head. Sharp end first.
“I hate unicorns,” he mumbled, as he dragged the two corpses behind a couple of supply crates so they would be out of view, and continued to make his way to the prisoners. In order to do that, he would have to sneak through the tent area. He stayed low, making sure to watch out for shadows through the tents and ponies that may or may not be in them. Weaving through them, he approached the last few rows of tents, just a few more metres and he would be able to hide in the shadows again.
“I think it’s time for me to call it a night,” yawned a pony, as the dragon saw his silhouette walk past the tents and motion to turn down in the dragon’s direction.
The purple drake gulped as he had nowhere safe to hide and was too far to go in for a stealthy kill. Out of desperation, he quickly jumped into the nearest tent, praying that it wasn’t occupied.
“Crap…”
The dragon just stared at the stallion that was lying in the bed, along with his two marefriends who were lying on top of the stallion and the three of them stared back at him. There was a moment of silence before anyone realized what was going to happen. He couldn’t let the ponies call out for help, so he snapped out of his little trance and rushed the trio of ponies, grabbing both mares by the mouth before they could scream while he wrapped his tail around the head of the stallion. Their cries for help were thankfully muffled by his hands and tail. Now he just had to finish them off…
“Hey Cross Fire, you still up?” called a voice from outside.
The dragon froze as he saw the shadows of ponies through the tent, and they were headed his way.
“Hello?” the pony called again, approaching the tent. “Hey Cross Fire, me and a few of the guys got a hold of a cider barrel, want to join us for a drink?” The pony was at the front of the tent and the dragon could see his blue hoof slowly opening the flap of the tent.
“Zzzzzzzzzzzzz,” the dragon quickly faked a snore, hoping to fool the pony that he was a sleeping pony.
“Oh, you’re asleep,” whispered the pony, his hoof closing the flap back down, not having seen the dragon. “Hey guys, the bastard’s already asleep!” he called out as he walked away.
“Too close,” muttered the drake, looking at his current victims. The two mares in his claws were choked out, not dead but unconscious. However, the head of the stallion had been crushed within the dragon’s tail. He carefully placed the bodies back on the bed and hid them under the blankets. Not wanting to go the way he came, he carefully cut a line in the back of the tent, the fabric ripping easily from his claw.
He stepped out of the makeshift hole. Luckily, the tent was close to the prison cages and he could see the other captured dragons as well, who were currently being harassed by a kirin guard.
“What did I say about keeping a lid on it!?” the kirin yelled, banging his spear against the bars of the cage.
“Sorry, but we’re social creatures,” smiled Bitterbite, teasing the kirin.
“We’ll see how social you are with one of these around your neck!” shouted the dragon-pony, flashing the slave collar in his hoof. “What do you think of that?”
“I think you’re about to be hit on the head,” smiled the dirty dragon.
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“This,” smirked the purple drake, smashing his fist into the head of the kirin, knocking him to the ground before stomping his skull in. “Hey, Bitterbite.”
“You’re late, Spike,” grumbled Dust Devil.
“Nice to see you too Dusty,” smiled the purple drake, searching the dead kirin for anything useful. “Still mad that this is all your fault?”
“It wasn’t my fault!” raged the black dragon.
“Keep your voice down you idiot,” shushed Glimmer. “So Spike, you’d get in okay?”
“As easy as it could have been,” muttered Spike, picking up and examined the slave collar, before tossing it randomly aside. “They sure as hell didn’t make it easy, had to crack a few necks to get in here.”
“And a few skulls, by the looks of it,” smiled the dragoness.
“Not like any of us are new to this…” droned the purple drake. “Ah! Here we are,” he said, pulling out a long silver key from the kirin’s pocket. Spike unlocked the door of the cell and proceeded to unlock all the chains from the dragons until they were all freed.
Lurch immediately ripped his muzzle off now that both his hands were free. “Well, it’s about time! Seriously, what the hell do those freaking kirins get off treating us like that!? ‘We’re the superior race.’ BULLCRAP! I’m glad I bit that kirin’s hoof off.”
“Look, you guys need to get out of here and there are guards everywhere,” said Spike. “I’ll create a distraction so you can all get out of here safely and meet up with you guys in the Badlands okay?”
“Sounds like a plan,” said Lurch, stretching his large jaw. “But what do you plan on doing?”
“I’m a fire dragon,” smiled Spike. “I’ll think of something. Just be ready to fly out of here when things get chaotic.”
“Want to give me a hand, big guy?” asked Bitterbite.
“Sure,” he said, grabbing the brown dragon under the arms. “Sucks not being able to fly huh?”
“Tell me about it…” Bitterbite droned.
“Alight, if you guys are ready, I can get this party started,” said Spike. “Give me five seconds.”
The purple drake took a deep breath, mustering as much fire as he could within his stomach and let it all out on the nearby tents. A small section of the tent exploded in a jade fire. Spike ran into the flames, continuing his fiery rampage.
“I think that’s the signal,” said Dust Devil, taking off into the air, the other dragons following behind him. “Try not to get killed, Spike!” he called before disappearing into the night.
“WHAT THE HELL?” screamed a guard. “WHO CAUSED THIS FIRE?”
“IT WAS THE DRAGON!” another guard pointed. “HE’S FREEING THE PRISONERS!”
“GET HIM!”
All awake and able guards charged the dragon, spears lowered and at the ready to skewer Spike. The dragon smirked as he unleashed more fire from his mouth, creating a wall of flames between him and the soldiers.
“Agh! Somepony get this fire out!” they shouted, doing their best to stay away from the grasp of the green flames.
“Have fun with that,” smiled Spike as he took off in the opposite direction. “Now to find a way out of here…”
The fires he had set were spreading quickly throughout the entire camp. The Lunar soldiers were doing their best to keep the fires under control, and failing to do so. They paid no attention to Spike, who started running towards the walls, passing by the other cells full of prisoners. They all screamed and begged for the dragon to help them. But they were all Celestial Soldiers, and while the Lunar Republic enslaved dragons, the Celestial Society would straight up kill dragons. Whether they thought that dragons were vermin or to stop kirin breeding, he didn’t know. He didn’t even care. He had done what he came here to do, the rest of them could burn with the camp.
“Please dragon… Help me…”
Spike stopped in his tracks.
“Please… I beg of you…”
That voice… It was like an angel’s. Pure, sweet, and innocent, a tone he hadn’t heard since he was a whelp. He turned around and saw a small cage tucked away from the rest of the cells. Why was he so drawn to this particular cage he wondered? It was like an unseen force was dragging him to that particular cage and as he walked closer he saw what was in it.
It was a pony, a unicorn to be specific. Her white coat was incredibly dirty, covered in patches of dirt and grime. Her deep purple mane was muddy and messy, there was a good chance she hadn’t bathed for weeks. She looked so scared as she stared at the dragon with her big blue eyes. They reeked of desperation and weakness. The mare didn’t look like a soldier, more like a normal civilian, but why would Luna order the capture of such a seemingly innocent mare.
“Please, dragon, save me…” she whispered.
“Why should I help you?” he asked. “There’s probably a reason you’re in here, so what is it?”
“I was caught in the fray of the last Canterlot attack, the one that happened a few weeks ago,” the mare replied. “Please, set me free, I just want to go home!” she cried. “I’ve been in this cage for almost a month! I haven’t bathed; I’ve barely slept or eaten. Please dragon, be my hero and set me free.”
Spike looked at the poor pony in the cage. It was barely big enough for her; she had to scrunch her legs up in a ball in order to fit. She looked uncomfortable, depressed and miserable.
“Don’t be a hero Spike…” the dragon thought to himself. He had never considered himself a hero, more of a survivor if anything, and part of the reason he survived was because he lived by that rule, don’t be a hero. “Ah screw it,” he mumbled, placing on the door of the cage. The bars were just iron, nothing that he couldn’t handle. With a little pull, the door broke off its hinges, giving the captive pony enough room to crawl out. “There, now if you excuse me—“
“Kill the dragon!” a kirin roared, as he jabbed his spear into the side of the dragon. Spike grunted as he backhanded the guard off of him, but the spearhead was dug deep inside of his gut. He could see dark crimson blood starting to pour out of his wound.
“Crap in hell!” he groaned, limping quickly away from that cage. The mare had run off somewhere. Not that he cared; never should have helped her in the first place. He could have been out of here without a fatal wound to his underbelly.
He found a hole in the wall, somewhere where the fire had caught and ate away at the wood. Spike slipped through and ran into the forest, the blaze of the burning camp slowly fading away in the darkness.
But he still had another problem, he was still bleeding quite badly. He felt himself becoming weaker, more tired and sleepy. “I can’t…” he muttered, falling to his knees as he started to crawl. “I’m not going to die because…of some stupid…stupid…” The dragon fell to the ground, the light fading fast from his eyes as he blacked out.
*****
“I’m sorry I have to do this, dragon…”
“Hmm…”
“There we go, let’s see if he wakes up… Dragon, please wake up.”
Spike’s eyes slowly started to open, the light of day pierced his eyes, causing him to clench them shut again.
“Dragon, are you okay?”
That voice- it was the same as the mare in the cage… The drake opened his eyes again, and he was more adjusted to the powerful gleam of the sun. He realized that he was lying on his back, not the position that he had fallen on. He turned his head to his side, and he saw the white mare sitting on a large rock. She looked clean as her white coat shone like snow and her mane was styled in long down streaks with a bit of a curl in it. He assumed that she must have bathed recently.
“Good, you’re awake, I was afraid I wasn’t able to treat your wound,” she said.
“Huh?” wondered the dragon, as he felt where the spear had stabbed him. The spearhead had been removed and replaced with medical bandages. He didn’t feel any pain coming from it so he assumed it was fully healed. “Where did you get medical supplies? Steal it from that camp?”
“Certainty not!” puffed the pony. “A lady does not steal,” she paused. “I just simply borrowed a few bandages and such.”
“Yeah sure, you ‘borrowed’ it,” grumbled Spike, as he started to sit up.
“Be careful,” gasped the unicorn. “You suffered a nasty jab from that spear.”
“Thanks a lot for that,” he deadpanned.
“Excuse me?”
“I could have been out of there unharmed if I hadn’t stopped to save your sorry ass,” Spike muttered.
The mare cringed at the word “ass” but didn’t say anything about it. “Still, I’m eternally grateful.”
“Whatever you say,” Spike said. “Anyways, I need to get going, so have a nice life,” he started to get up when he felt the strangest shift on his neck. He reached around his throat and felt a metal band around it. “What the hell is this?”
The mare looked down to the ground, avoiding the dragon’s glances. “I’m sorry.”
“Is this what I think it is?”
The mare nodded. “Please forgive me.”
“Heh,” chuckled the drake, his face curled up into an evil smile. “Get this thing off of me…or I’m going to rip your head off.”
“…No”
Spike smile quickly became a frown. “No? YOU THINK I’M SCREWING WITH YOU?!” he roared, flexing his claws as he charged the white mare. “Get this thing off of me before I skull fu—“
“Get back!” cried the unicorn.
BZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTT!
Spike yelled in pain as an electrical shock was emitted through his collar, causing him to take a few steps back from the pony and fall to the ground. He tried to tear the collar off, but that just caused the shock to increase. He eventually gave up and let his claws fall to his side as he laid on the grass panting heavily.
“What the hell was that for?” he wheezed.
“You tried to attack me!” the mare replied.
“No, really?” the dragon said sarcastically. “I wonder why I would do that?”
“I said I was sorry.”
“If you’re so sorry then take this collar off!”
“I can’t…” she said.
“And why is that?” barked the dragon, his patience was wearing thin.
“I…I need your help,” the mare said as Spike started to get back up. “I need to get back home, it is of the utmost important that I get there alive.”
“Where do you live? Baltimare, Hoovianapolis, Apploosa?”
“Vanhoover.”
“WHAT?!” yelled the dragon. “Do you have any idea how far that is!”
“Which is why I need an escort, and I was afraid you would decline if I asked you so I put—“
“Of course I would decline!” roared the drake. “We’re on the outskirts of Manehatten! Vanhoover is literally on the other side of Equestria! And not just that, but it’s a city in the Celestial Society!”
“I am aware of that.”
“So you’re a…”
“Celestialite, yes.”
“Great…” groaned the dragon. “This is just perfect…”
“So… Will you help me?” asked the mare.
“No, and here’s why,” the dragon explained, as he stared daggers at the pony. “You can shock me all you want, but I ain’t leaving this spot. You’ll probably get eaten by Timberwolves or turned into stone by a cockatrice, then I won’t have to deal with you anymore!”
“You can’t let me die…”
“I can, and I will,” smiled the dragon.
“I mean you can’t let me die if you want to live.”
“Come again?”
“The slave collar, the enchantment on it allows the handler--me--to control its functions with my thought,” she explained. “But the spell also links your collar with my heart. If for any reason my heart were to stop beating, the collar would release a lethal electrical charge strong enough to kill a fully grown Ursa Major. In short Dragon, if I die, you die.”
Spike’s jaw hung open from her little explanation. He was in total disbelief.
“If there was any other way I could get home without having to do this I would have done it,” she said. “I take no pleasure in doing this to you.”
Spike tugged lightly on the collar around his neck, feeling the cool metal that it was made of. “If I help you and get you back home…”
“I’ll take the collar off and you can go back to whatever you were doing before all this happened.”
The dragon looked down on the ground in defeat, before quickly turning around and started walking into the forest. “Fine, let’s get moving.”
“Thank you,” she smiled as she ran up beside the dragon. “And again, I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing,” grunted Spike. “I’m not forgiving you.”
“I see, and you have no reason to do so, but it is good manners—“
“Do you talk this much all the time? Or just to dragons you screw over?”
“Why, I nev—look, maybe we got off on the wrong hoof,” said the mare.
“No, there is no wrong hoof, or right hoof. In fact both hooves have been cut off and the pony is slowly dragging himself into the gutters so he can die in peace,” the drake muttered.
“Well, that was a rather vulgar metaphor…” gulped the pony. “Regardless, we’re stuck with each other, so we might as well attempt to get along.”
“Don’t want to. Happy being pissed off.”
“Can you try to refrain from using such foul language?”
“Is it bugging you?” the dragon asked.
“Very much.”
“Then you know a fraction of how I feel.”
“Okay… I’ll give you that,” the mare admitted. “But we can still be civil. I haven’t even exchanged names. My name is Rarity, and what is your name?”
“Spike,” the dragon said. “My name is Spike.”
“What a lovely name,” smiled Rarity. “Well Spike, I would just like to say thank you again for helping me in my time of need. You truly are a hero.”
“Yeah…” mumbled Spike, “Never should have played hero.”
The two had been walking for what seemed like forever in the mid hours of the day. Every step taken lead to nothing but more and more trees and bushes in what was starting to look like an unending forest. Rarity had finally given up trying to strike a conversation with her dragon escort. Just as well, Spike wasn’t in the best of moods and who could blame him?
Every now and again, he would be caught fiddling with the slave collar around his neck. He lightly pulled on it and tried to adjusted it, doing his best to loosen it or pull it off. But it was a futile effort. Nothing could break or remove the slave collar from around his neck except for the unicorn traveling by his side.
“This is such bull crap,” the dragon muttered to himself.
“Did you say something, Spike?” asked Rarity.
“I said this is bull crap!” he repeated as he started to tug on his metal collar. “I think this thing is getting smaller, it’s pressing up against my neck more than it did a few hours ago.”
“That’s highly unlikely,” said the mare. “You’re just stressing out.”
“Gee, I wonder why that is?”
“Look I said I was sorry! I don’t know what more I can do.”
“You can take this collar off,” said Spike. “And then, if you’re still feeling generous, let a hydra sit on you!”
ZZZZT!
“Ow!” shrieked the drake, jumping from the sudden shock he received from the collar. “What was that for?!”
“Look here mister!” growled Rarity, pinning the dragon to a tree. She was surprisingly strong for such a frail looking thing. “I don’t like this anymore than you do! But you don’t hear me complaining about it.”
“What the hell do you have to complain about?” sneered the purple dragon. “You’re not the one with the collar around their neck!”
“Do you think I enjoy this?” she asked. “I don’t enjoy doing this to you, but I will not tolerate your tone towards me!”
“Bite me.”
BZZZZZZT!
“Ouch! God! Okay, I’ll tone it down a bit, you psychotic pony.”
“Thank you darling,” beamed Rarity as she released the large dragon from her grasp and started walking down the path. “Now let’s get going, it’s a long journey to Vanhoover.”
“I’m going to kill her, I just know it,” Spike whispered to himself. “I’m going to rip her head off, and then I’m going to die.”
“Spike, hurry up please!” Rarity called from up ahead.
“Yes master …“
“Spike, you don’t have to call me that,” the white mare smiled. “Just Rarity will do.”
“But I am just your humble servant master, I live only to serve your iron will,” Spike said sarcastically.
“You’re making me sound like a slave driver.”
“Well you do have a slave…” mumbled the dragon.
“Do you want to get shocked again?
“Not really.”
“Then please, if you insist on calling me something, at least address me as Miss Rarity, Madam Rarity or Mistress Rarity. Or you could always just address me as ‘Rarity’.”
“Mistress sounds dirty,” said Spike. “Like we’re about to go do it or something gross like that.”
“Trust me, the feeling’s mutual,” deadpanned the unicorn. “Me in love with a dragon… especially a dragon like you.”
“Hey, you’d be lucky to have a sexy stud like me!” laughed Spike. “It’s you who doesn’t deserve me Miss Prissy Pants.”
ZZZZTTT!
“Goddess dammit! Stop doing that!”
“Then stop being an ass!” Rarity shouted.
“Now who's using language?” smirked Spike. “Isn’t that most unladylike of you?”
ZZZZZTT!
“Ack! You’re just doing that for fun now!”
“Do you want me to shock you again?”
“Of course not!”
“Then, just be quiet, please,” Rarity said. “Honestly, if I knew you were so crude, I would have never attempted to engage a conversation.”
“Took you long enough, Princess,” said Spike, as the two of them resumed their quiet walk in the forest.
It lasted all of five seconds before the pony started talking again.
“Spike, I’m hungry.”
“Good for you,” replied Spike.
“Can you get me something to eat please?”
“Oh yeah, I keep some pony kibble right behind that tree,” he said satirically.
“Aren’t you getting peckish?” asked Rarity.
“I could eat, but I’d rather keep moving,” said the dragon.
“But I haven’t eaten in days…”
“Neither have I, but tough it out,” groaned Spike. “We keep moving.”
“Isn’t there a village around here?” the white mare asked. “Or a city? A town? A hamlet?”
“There’s a small town called Hallows about an hour’s walk from here.”
“Great! Let’s go!” Rarity pepped up.
“Out of the question,” said Spike. “We’re not going there.”
“Why not?” whined the mare. “I’m positively starving!”
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m not exactly welcomed in most pony communities. No dragons are.”
“Really? Why not?”
“Because they think we’re dangerous or something crazy like that.”
“Well, if it’s so bad here, why don’t the dragons live in the Celestial Society?”
“Golly jeepers! Jeez Rarity, I never thought of that!” the dragon said with fake enthusiasm. “You’re from the Celestial Society, you tell me.”
“Something against Celestia?” guessed Rarity.
“Because while the Lunar Republic will enslave us, the Celestials will just upright kill us, which is why I’m less than thrilled to be going on this little adventure with you as there is a good chance I’ll take an arrow to the neck when I cross the border.”
“What!?” gasped the baffled Rarity. “That’s awful! I never knew that. Celestia always said the dragons were in an alliance with her sister.”
“Then your princess got some bad intel or she’s just lying to you. Personally, I’ll assume the latter before the former.”
“That can’t be… Celestia has no reason to lie, especially to me.”
“Why?” asked Spike. “What makes you so special?”
“Nothing!” she quickly said. “I’m still hungry regardless.”
“And I’m still not going regardless.”
“Spike, we’re going to that village to get something to eat.”
“No, we’re not!” hollered the dragon. “We’re going to keep heading west, bypass any towns we find, and be in Vanhoover within a week.”
“I want to go there now!” complained the white unicorn.
“Quit your whining,” droned Spike. “The decision is final.”
“Oh trust me Spike,” Rarity growled. “You don’t want to hear whining.”
“It can’t be worse than anything else that’s come out of your mouth,” he grumbled.
He would soon regret those words as the mare took a deep breath and unleashed verbal hell. “WAAAH, I’M TIRED! MY THROAT IS SORE! I’M SOOOO HUNGRY! AND I’M GOING TO DIE!” whined Rarity, crying and flailing in a childish tantrum of tears and squeals. “I WANT TO GO HOME! WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO ME?! MY STOMACH HURTS! I DON’T WANT TO WALK ANYMORE!”
“Sweet mother of Luna!” screamed Spike, covering his ears to block out Rarity’s infernal whining. “Please, for the love of the goddess, shut the hell up!”
“THEN FEED ME!”
“OKAY!” roared the dragon, shutting the pony up. “I’ll take you to Hallows, you can grab something to eat quickly and then we leave. I’ll keep watch from the edge of the forest.”
“You’re not coming with me?” asked Rarity.
“I can’t,” said Spike. “I enter that town and the guards will be all over me. Like I said, dragons are looked down upon for some reason…”
“Well I can’t go there alone, you have to protect me,” she winked. “Wait… of course! Rarity, you’re a genius!”
“Doubtful, what did you come up with?”
“The perfect way to get you into town!” Rarity said as her horn started to glow with a blue magic.
“What are you doing?” asked Spike.
“Opening my purse dear,” said the white mare. Suddenly, there was a small flash of light and a small portal, no bigger than a cannonball, opened up in front of Rarity. “I’m sure it’s in here somewhere…”
“What the hell is that?!” gasped the dragon. “Did you just rip the air open?!”
“It’s a magical purse. It’s where I keep all my things so I don’t have to encumber myself with silly things,” she said as she searched the magical purse. “I’ve got my necessary travel items in here: shampoo, conditioner, towels, mane brushes, coat brushes, a makeup kit, pair of glasses, bug spray, lots of soap and perfume…”
“Got anything useful in there?” asked Spike. “Like some food or weapons?”
“Certainty not!” puffed Rarity. “A lady has no need for things as barbaric as weapons! And food would mess up all my things.”
“Well at least you can pretty up my corpse when I die of starvation…”
“Oh hush you… ah here it is!” she said as she pulled something out of her purse. “Do you want to hear my plan.”
“Sure, why not?”
“Well I have the cutest, if not a little fussy, kitty cat back at home and whenever I take her on walks I use a leash to make sure she doesn’t run off on me.”
“Oh, so it’s not just me,” smiled the drake.
Rarity frowned but continued. “As I was saying… When I was in captivity, I couldn’t help but hear in on a conversation between some dragon prisoners and a guard. The guard told them that if they were lucky, they would be sold off as pets…”
Spike’s smile dropped. “I don’t like this plan anymore.”
The mare gave a mischievous grin as she revealed a long scarlet leash from behind her. “Oh, now, don’t be like that, and hold still while I put it on.”
“No,” shook the dragon. “I refuse to wear anything that degrading in public and there is nothing you can say or do to make me!”
*****
“This is stupid,” pouted Spike. The large dragon had the cat’s leash and collar wrapped around his neck, covering his metal slave collar. Rarity lead her ‘pet dragon’ by the length of the leash as Spike was forced to follow her like a disgruntled puppy. “Seriously, I look like a goddess damned idiot.”
“I think you look adorable!”
“I look like a moron.”
“Oh pish posh! Don’t be such a baby,” said the mare as they approached the small forest town of Hallows.
It was your classic middle of nowhere village. The one where everypony knew everypony, where there were no big companies but rather independent businesses, where the most exciting thing was probably Boo Rattle falling out of the apple tree or some other no-name pony. It was quiet and isolated. It was a perfect place for a pony and a dragon to hide out for a while.
“Come along Spike,” said Rarity. “I think that I see an eatery up ahead.”
“Who the hell says eatery anymore?” asked Spike. “In fact, when did ponies start saying eatery?”
“Everypony in Vanhoover says it,” said the white mare, still leading the dragon along.
“Hey look! A pet dragon!” a lemon yellow filly shouted, dragging her mother towards Rarity and Spike. “You have a pretty dragon, miss!”
“Why thank you!” smiled Rarity. “He’s my little Spikey-wikey!”
“Cool! Hi Spikey-wikey!” giggled the filly, waving to the large purple dragon, who remained silent.
“Spike, say hello to the nice girl.”
The dragon gave a heavy sigh. “Hello…” he groaned.
“Aww, he’s so cute!” giggled the yellow filly. “Can I pet him?”
“Of course!” said Rarity, looking at Spike. “Lower your head please.”
The dragon muttered something under his breath as he obeyed, letting the small pony rub her hoof on the top of his head. The filly giggled as Spike’s scales tickled the bottom of her hoof. The dragon rolled his eyes as the little mare started to rub harder and harder down on his head. It started to get irritating.
“If you don’t stop rubbing so hard, I will eat you alive in your sleep,” Spike whispered to the filly.
The filly shrieked, crying back to her mother’s side. “Mommy! The dragon said he was going to eat me!” she cried.
“Spike!” barked Rarity.
“What? She was rubbing too hard!” defended the drake. “It was hurting my head!”
“So you threatened to eat her?! She’s just a filly!”
“Lady, you need to control your pet!” scowled the mother. “I have half a mind to report you to the Lunar Guards!”
“No!” screamed Rarity. “My little Spikey-Wikey is really nice… he’s just not housebroken yet.”
“He should be put down,” said the mother mare. “He’s probably rabid and feral.”
“I’ll show you rabid and fer—“
BBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTT!
The shock rolled through his body, tensing up his nerves and muscles, paralyzing him as he fell to ground, twitching in jerky, lightning induced spasms.
“There’s he’s down,” said Rarity. “I’m terribly sorry if he scared your daughter, it was awfully mean of him and I can assure you he will not hear the end of it. So if we could please just keep this between us that would be most appreciated.”
“Just keep it away from my daughter,” said the mother, taking her daughter and walking away from the mare and the downed dragon.
“Thank you so much, dear!” Rarity called out to them before looking down at the dragon. “What on earth were you thinking!?” She muttered. “Are you trying to get us caught?”
“Hey, I’m not the not the one who offered to pet the dragon,” said Spike, picking himself off of the ground. “And what the hell was all that ‘Spikey-Wikey’ crap? I’m not a freaking shih tzu puppy dog or whatever the hell would deserve such an idiotic name!”
“You could have at least humored the dear; you didn’t have to scare her.”
“More fun to scare them. Besides I hate kids,” said Spike.
“What?” gasped Rarity. “How can you hate children?”
“Easy. They’re whiny, smelly, and annoying little urchins,” listed the dragon. “They are the root of all misery in the world and future generations would thank us for their immediate eradication.”
“You’re very unpleasant to be around you know?”
“I try my best,” the dragon said sarcastically.
“Anything else I should know?” droned Rarity.
“I could go on; I’ve been thinking of writing a list, you’re number one on it by the way.”
The white mare sighed. “Great, can we go eat now?”
“Might as well,” groaned Spike as the two headed towards the restaurant. “The Iron Cage? What kind of a name is that for a restaurant?”
“It doesn’t matter as long as they have food, I’m positively famished.”
“That’s great… Hey, you have money right?”
“What?” gasped Rarity. “I thought you were going to pay.”
“Does it look like I have any cash on me?”
“Ugh, fine,” murmured Rarity. “I suppose I’ll pay but it’s not very gentlemanly to make a lady pay for a meal.”
“I’ll keep that in mind for when I actually give two shits,” said Spike as they walked into the diner.
It must have been lunch hour, because the place was packed wall to wall with hungry ponies. There was a bar area at the back at the back were stallions and mares were drinking their foamed top drinks as they shared happy banter. Waitresses were running back and forth from the kitchen, the large doors that lead to the kitchen were never closed for more than a second, flying open and closed as ponies rushed through it. Around the rest of the restaurant were tables where several customers were dining or placing their orders to the cheery waiters who would rush back to the kitchens.
“Nice place,” said Spike as a waiter walked up to them.
“Hello, and welcome to The Iron Cage, Hollow’s finest and only eatery!”
“What is it with eatery?” Spike said to himself.
“I’m sorry Miss, but we don’t allow pets in the restaurant. He’ll have to be tied up outside until you’re done.”
“But sir, he’s not a pet,” Rarity said. “He’s more of an escort, a body guard.”
“I’m sorry, but those are the rules,” said the waiter. “Either he goes and waits outside or neither of you come in.”
“Hmm…” wondered the mare. She her curled her lips up into a sly smile as she batted her eyes. “Please monsieur; I’m sure a…handsome stallion as yourself could make an exception this one itty bitty time?”
The waiters face grew red. “Y-y-you think I’m handsome?”
“Why of course, darling,” the pony said, assaulting the stallion with half-lidded bedroom eyes as she approached him. “What with your silky smooth coat, rugged, chiselled jaw, and those big beefy muscles! You’re lying if you say no mare has ever called you handsome before,” she said before fluttering her lethal eyes, tearing through the stallion’s heart and libido.
“I-I well… umm, well no… you’re the first.”
“Am I now?” cooed Rarity, playfully bumping the stallion’s nose. “Well I’m sure a cutie such as yourself could overlook the regulations, just his one time. Please?”
“Well I… Sure, okay,” said the waiter, finally caving in to the white mare seductress. “I’ll lead you to your tables. If anyone asks, he’s your assistant.”
“Thank you,” she winked. “Now, come along now, Spike. Spike?”
Rarity turned around to see the dragon bewildered and jaw-dropped. His eyes were wide as if he saw a ghost as he was lightly dragged by the leash around his collar to the table.
“There you two go!” said the waiter as Rarity and Spike took their seats. “Is there anything I can start you off with? Any drinks?”
“Just water please,” said Rarity.
“I’ll have whatever you got on tap,” said Spike, snapping out of his little trance.
“Whatever you say, and remember, if you need anything miss, don’t hesitate to ask.”
“We won’t,” smiled Rarity, giving their waiter a frisky wink. “I’ll be sure to ask for the dashing stallion.”
The waiter’s face grew redder as he quickly went to fetch their drinks, leaving the two to mingle.
“Wow…” said Spike. “Aren’t we a little succubus?”
“Quiet you,” the mare mumbled. “I hate having to do that.”
“Yeah, leading the poor guy on must be the worst thing you’ve ever done,” the dragon cynically yawned.
“You know, I could still tie you to a street pole like a common terrier.”
“I’m good where I am,” he said.
“Well…”
“Well what?”
“Aren’t you going to thank me?” Rarity asked.
Spike laughed. “What, for being the devil’s temptress?”
“For getting you in the restaurant,” said Rarity. “The least you could do is say thank you. It’s polite.”
“Isn’t asking for thanks awfully rude?” smiled the dragon smugly. “That’s very unladylike of you.”
“I—umm,” Rarity was about to say something but her voice stopped working. Her face turned red as she realized the dragon was right.
“Ha! Figured you out, didn’t I, Miss Rarity?”
ZZZTT!
“Ow! You know this isn’t very ladylike either!”
“Here’s your drinks!”
The waiter quickly rushed over to their table, balancing three glasses on a tray on his back. He slid a brown mug filled to the brim with foamy ale to Spike, and two glasses of water to Rarity.
“Umm, I only ordered one glass,” said the mare.
“I know, but I took the liberty of getting you an extra one in case you need a refill,” the waiter smiled.
“Well, how very sweet of you,” beamed Rarity, but quickly glancing at the dragon. “It’s always nice to receive such wonderful service, isn’t it Spike?”
“Whatever…” droned Spike as he quickly drank his beer, downing it in seconds. “You should have gotten me the extra cup kid,” he said, placing the empty mug on the waiter’s tray.
“Sure, one refill. Anything else?”
“Yes, I would like to order the small garden salad, hold the cheese please,” Rarity said, passing her menu to the stallion.
“Very good,” said the waiter, turning towards Spike. “And for the dragon?”
“Do you have any rubies?”
“Umm… rubies?”
The dragon sighed. “I thought not, just tell me what you have for meat.”
“Oh, all meat and meat based dishes are located on the Griffon and Kirin section of the menu,” said the waiter. “All food on that part of the menu uses non-domestic animals or sentient beings such as rabbit, fish, and squirrels. In the case of beef, pork and even… ‘pony’, the donors were previously deceased from an act that was not in the attention of turning them into food or from any transmittable disease, such as The Crowly Act requires.”
“So what? You’re serving me war victims or old meat?”
“Exactly, Luna requires the reuse of dead corpses to be used for feeding the Kirins and the Griffon Mercenaries.”
“Really?” hummed Spike, a sick smile forming across his purple face. “In that case, get me something with lots… and lots… of ponies in it.”
The waiter gulped. “V-v-very g-good sir,” he said before walking away, weaving through the tables and heading into the kitchen.
Spike chuckled to himself as he slid deeper into his seat, getting more comfortable. “Stupid pony.”
BTTTTZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
“AH! Frick! That hurt!” growled Spike.
“What on earth is a matter with you?!” screeched Rarity.
“What the hell are you getting mad at?” yelled Spike. “I was just ordering my meal.”
“You ordered that just to upset me!”
“No, I ordered that because they didn’t have what I wanted and to upset you!”
“You’re such a… oh I can even begin to explain how you’re acting!” she muttered.
“What? That I’m acting like an animal?” shouted Spike. “A beast? A monster?!”
“LIKE A DRAGON!” roared Rarity.
“Well here’s a newsflash for you princess! I AM A DRAGON!” He got up from the table and stormed outside. “And if you don’t want me around, either pull the trigger or let me go.”
“Spike—I… Come back here right now!” she shouted, standing in the middle of the restaurant.
“Umm… miss, are you okay?”
“Excuse me?” Rarity asked, looking next to her, seeing her waiter with a terrified look on his face. It had just occurred to her that she had been yelling at the top of her lungs while arguing with the dragon and had created a scene for the entire population of the bar to watch. She stared into the silence as she quickly realized what a disturbance she had caused. Her face having turned beet red, she quickly conjured up a few bits for the drinks and ran out of the bar. “Spike, Spikey!” she called, racing into the dragon’s side, seeing him lumbering down the streets.
He turned around, sighing as the mare rushed up to him, panting in exhaustion.
“What the hell do you want?” Spike muttered.
“I… I…” panted Rarity, doing her best to collect herself. “I wanted to say I was sorry.”
“Are you serious?” asked the drake, scrunching his eye. “After all that, you want to apologize to me ?”
“Yes,” said the white mare. “I didn’t mean it, I don’t think that you’re as bad as you think you are.”
“Well gee whiz, I guess that makes everything all better,” deadpanned Spike. “Or you could maybe accept the fact that you chose to enslave me because I’m big, scary monster.”
“You’re not a monster, Spike,” smiled Rarity. “You just pretend to be one.”
“Oh really? Wonderful, I’m a big scary sexy dragon with the heart of gold,” he said, throwing his hands in the air. “No offense, but that sounds like a cliché from a bad romance novel.”
“Sexy?”
“Like you haven’t thought it,” said Spike.
“Certainly not! You’re a—don’t let him get to you Rarity…” she whispered to herself. “He’s just trying to get under your fur.”
“Hey, Sméagol, if you’re done talking to yourself can we head out?”
“What’s a Sméagol?” she asked. “It sounds hideous.”
“Kind of like you,” snickered Spike.
ZZZZZTTT!
“ERR! Hit a nerve, didn’t I?”
BBBZZZZZZZZZZTTTT!
“Oh I’m sorry,” said Rarity, giggling to herself. “I hit a nerve there, didn’t I, dear?”
“You suck…” groaned the dragon, rubbing his neck. “I hate this collar.”
“Oh not this again…”
“Yes, Rarity, this again,” said Spike. “And it’s going to be this again until I get it off.”
“Well, once again I apologize—“
“Enough with the apologizing!” the dragon snarled. “It’s like every little thing you do is an accident so you have to apologize for it. Grow a backbone, for the goddess’s sake!”
“I have a backbone!” the pony huffed. “But a lady is polite and refined, unlike some individuals I know—would you stop picking your nose!?”
“Hmm?” smiled the drake, his pinkie claw jammed right up his nostril. “What’s that? I can’t hear you?”
“That’s disgusting!” gagged Rarity.
“No, what’s disgusting is that I think I can feel my brain.”
“I’m going to throw up…”
“It’s all squishy too.”
“Pull your finger out!” screamed Rarity. “Do it this instant!”
“As you wish,” smiled the drake, pulling his finger out of his nose. “Oh dear, I have a booger stuck to my finger.”
“Would you like a moist tissue?” asked Rarity.
“Nah, I’ll just wipe it down on something,” he snickered.
“Well, I’m sure you could still use onEEK!” the mare squeaked as she felt the dragon drag his claw along her back. She felt every sharp finger against her skin, sending a strange chill down her spine, a mix of panic, shock, and something else…
“There we go,” said Spike.
“Did… did you just do what I think you did?”
“Hmm, maybe…” grinned the dragon.
Rarity stared at Spike, looking deep into his dark green eyes. She smiled a little, almost beaming to him as her horn started to glow and she opened up her magical purse portal and pulled out a small white tissue. She rubbed the spot where Spike had so casually wiped his snot off, cleaning up the booger and tossed the used tissue aside.
“Now Spikey,” she said. “There are many things that I can tolerate. A lady should never break her form and should always retain a sense of beauty and dignity and refrain from the less uncouth things in her mannerism.”
“Umm… okay?” Said Spike, somewhat confused.
“However, there are certain things that even I cannot simply suppress, like what you did there.”
“Okay…”
“You can curse, fart, and be you nasty little self all you want…” she said, her smiling instantly vanishing. “But no pony, BUCKS WITH MY MANE!”
“Oh, sweet merciful Cele—“
BBBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTTZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
“AHHHHHHH! AHHH! AHHHHHHHHHH!”
BTTTTTZZZZZZZZ! ZZZZZTTTTT! BZZZTTT! BBZZZZZZTTTT!
“OKAY! OKAY! I GIVE UP! I WON’T DO IT EVER AGAIN! I SWEAR!” screamed the dragon, falling to the ground in a steaming pile of slightly charred and twitching flesh. “Just please… stop.”
“Do you apologize?”
“YES.”
“Say you’re sorry.”
“I’m sorry,” grunted the dragon, his face planted into the ground.
“I’m sorry I…” teased the mare.
“I’m sorry I wiped my greasy little dragon booger on your coat and/or your mane and will never do it again for the duration of our companionship…”
“Wonderful! Apology accepted,” chirped the mare, trotting happily down the past. “Come along Spike, we have a long road ahead of us.”
“Okay…” moaned Spike, his body like jelly and refusing to move. “I’ll catch up… you psychotic little pony.”
“So…” wondered Rarity. “What goes on in the mind of a dragon?”
Spike rolled his eyes and kept silent. The two had been walking through the Hallow Woods for the better part of the afternoon and night was slowly falling upon them. He looked up towards the eastern skies as they glowed a brilliant amber and crimson, nestling behind the Great Eastern Seas of Equestria that led to the Griffon Homelands of Cliffe, and to a world less torn by war and misery.
“She doesn’t raise it anymore,” Rarity sighed.
“Hmm?” Spike hummed.
“I noticed you were looking at the sunset,” she said, walking next to the purple dragon and stared at the setting sun. “I don’t know if you knew this, but in the olden times, before the war, Princess Celestia would raise and set the sun every day. Her sister, Princess Luna, would do the same with the moon every night. It’s really quite beautiful when you think about it, the sunset that is.”
“All I can think about is why she didn’t throw herself into the sun.”
“Spike! That’s terrible!” Childed the mare. “What would possess you to think of something so horrid?”
“Does it really matter anymore?” Questioned the dragon. “It’s not like she raises it anymore. Now it just does it by itself. Which brings me to another interesting question…”
“What in the heavens could that be?”
“What the hell was the point?” Spike asked, smirking a little. “If the sun and moon never needed Celestia and Luna to raise them, then what were the princesses doing? Personally, I think all you ponies got played for chumps.”
“If you knew anything about pony culture, you would know that unicorns were responsible for raising the sun and the moon!” Rarity huffed.
“Oh, I know a lot more than you would think,” snickered Spike. “But enough about that, we need to keep moving, and I’d rather not walk around the forest at night.”
“Walk?” wondered Rarity. “Surely we intend on setting up some sort of camp for the night, correct?”
“Nope.”
“No? Why not?”
“Because we can get eight hours of walking done at night,” he said. “Which means we get eight hours closer to Vanhoover, and eight more hours that I don’t have to spend with you!” He argued.
“I…” the pony tried to say. “I don’t know what to say…”
“Finally,” Spike muttered. “Just stay quiet and keep close, it’ll get dark soon.”
“Okay,” nodded Rarity, straying closer to the dragon’s side. “Aren’t you afraid?”
“Why would I be? I’m a dragon, the biggest and scariest thing in Equestria.”
“You’re not that big,” giggled Rarity, “And you’re certainly not scary, you just have an attitude problem.”
“Well I’m usually all sunshine, tulips, and butterfly farts,” droned Spike. “But this collar is suffocating all my good manners… Seriously this thing is getting smaller!”
“It is not!” Frowned the mare. “It auto-adjusts to keep a snug fit around your neck, but it shouldn’t be shrinking.”
“Then you’re making it shrink!”
“Why would I try and kill you Spike? The very idea is just… unladylike!”
“So is slavery, but you seem to be pretty okay with that!” yelled Spike.
BZZZZZZZTTT!
“Ack! That’s not ladylike either!”
“Oh, do be quiet, it hurts me to shock you too,” mumbled Rarity.
“Yeah, I highly doubt that.”
“Such a dragon…” muttered Rarity. “You’re simply exhausting sometimes.”
“You’re no picnic either princess,” retorted Spike, looking back as the sun slowly fell beneath the sea and the first stars started to appear. What used to be Luna’s night was upon them, the new moon rising in the west. “Now, would you kindly refrain from shocking, talking, and any other annoyances you can think of for the duration of the night?”
“Of course,” nodded Rarity. “Can I ask why?”
“No, that would require talking,” droned Spike.
“That’s not fair!”
“Keep your voice down!” He hushed. “Do you know what’s in this forest?”
“I thought you said you’re the big scary dragon?”
“Yeah, and you’re a small annoying unicorn that a pack of Timberwolves or a manticore would find delicious,” said Spike. “And I’d rather not die because you got devoured by some nocturnal carnivore.”
“Okay…” Rarity replied, as they quietly walked into the night.
*****
“Spike…” yawned Rarity. “I can barely keep my eyes open, are you sure that we can’t stop?”
“Breaking the no-talking rule,” muttered Spike. “And no, we can’t stop. Just tough it out. You don’t see me complaining.”
“I’m not a dragon, Spike,” groaned the tired mare as she took another yawn. “I can’t go days without food, or walk all day and night. I need to eat and sleep on a regular basis.”
“Tough luck. We’re not stopping.”
“But I’m tired…”
“I said tough luck,” growled the dragon. “We’re not stopping.”
“Spike, dear,” said Rarity, quickly running up in front of Spike, stopping him. “Consider this scenario. If I am to get some sleep I will be refreshed, which means that I got my beauty sleep and can continue to look divine in case we need to deal with some male libidos.”
“Or I could light them on fire,” said Spike. “That doesn’t require beauty sleep.”
“Well… then what about this? If I get some sleep, then I will be in a good mood and less likely to shock a certain purple dragon.”
“I’m getting used to it,” smiled Spike.
“Are you getting used to my talking?” Said the mare, frowning at the stubborn drake. “Because if I don’t get my beauty sleep… I tend to get very, very, VERY, whiny,” she started to smile. “Do you remember earlier when I had my little fit? That would be nothing to the storm I could bring onto you. I would make your ears blister and your eyes bleed as you beg for death—“
“Okay this is getting kind of dark...“
“Your soul would bend and wither from my caws as I fester in your brain, picking apart every bit of sanity you would still have, driving you to the brink of no return as you pray to whatever God you pay favour to for something as sweet as death!”
The dragon just stood there and stared at the enraged little unicorn, her nostrils flaring and her eyes bloodshot as she looked right back at him with the force of a thousand spears.
“What the hell was that about?!”
The unicorn dropped to the ground in tears. “Pleeeeaaaase, Spike!” She begged. “I get weird when I’m tired! I just want to go to bed!”
“Umm…” the dragon paused. “Okay?”
“Really?” She asked, looking up as she wiped away some tears.
“Sure, if it’ll shut you up,” he said. “I could use some quiet anyways.”
“Wonderful, let me get out my tent,” she replied, slowly getting back up.
“You have a tent?” Spike questioned.
Rarity nodded. “Of course, I keep a small one in my purse,” she said, opening up her purse portal and levitating a small yellow box out of it. “Now where to set it up…”
“Huh… I didn’t take you for the camping type.”
“Ugh, I despise camping,” muttered Rarity. “All that… nature. It just isn’t natural.”
“Whatever you say, princess,” the dragon said under his breath. “Anyways, let’s set this tent up and get you settled in—“
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!
Spike was thrown back by the sudden burst that came out of Rarity’s box. From the small yellow container came a flurry of colours as a beaconing castle began to take form, the shadow looming over the pony and the dragon. When the hissing finally stopped the box had disappeared and in its place was a bright white castle.
“What the hell?!” gasped Spike. “That’s not a tent! That’s a freaking palace in a box!”
“What? This little thing?” Asked the mare, walking into her castle tent. “This is the smaller version. I wanted to get the deluxe model but they only had it in green,” she shuttered. “Such a hideous colour…”
Spike growled a little.
“Not that it doesn’t look good on you!” Rarity quickly sputtered. “It’s just not my flair.”
“Hey, I don’t care,” said Spike. “You have your stupid tent up, now go to sleep.”
“Well…” began the mare, smiling nervously as she pulled out a vase from her portal purse. “I can’t.”
“What do you mean?” Spike asked. “You said you were tired, so what’s the problem?”
“I need flowers in order to sleep,” she said sheepishly, levitating the purple vase to the dragon. “And since the forest is too dangerous for me, could I trouble you to pick some flowers up for me?”
The dragon stared at her with a deadpanned expression. “You can’t be serious.”
“Please Spike?” she moaned, giving the dragon her best duck-face and puppy dog eyes. “I only need a few and you can even pick what kind of flowers they are.”
He rolled his eyes as he snatched the vase. “Get in your tent and stay put. I’ll be back in a minute.”
The mare nodded. “Thank you, Spike,” she said as she walked into her tent. “Don’t be too long and stay safe.”
“Yeah, yeah…” he muttered, lumbering into the forest. “Stupid flowers for the stupid pony… I hate my life right now.” He walked around the woods, passing beyond the sight of the small castle, which was well hidden in the trees. Rarity would be safe enough for a while.
Now he just needed to find some flowers.
“Flowers… flowers…” he said to himself. “What will shut Miss Prissy Pants up?” He looked at a small batch of white wildflowers growing in a small clump. “Too pretty,” he thought. “She’ll probably bitch me out about them not being ‘couth’ enough or something stupid.” He continued to search the ground for more plots of flowers, finally stumbling across a garden of tulips. “I guess these will do…”
He carefully picked a few of the delicate flowers and placed them in the vase, turning around and heading back to the camp. As he approached the camp, he was greeted by the white mare, who was now wearing a frilly pink housecoat.
“Spike, those flowers look lovely, darling!” She smiled, taking the flower pot from him. “I simply adore tulips, thank you, Spike.”
“Whatever, you have your flowers. Now go to sleep,” the dragon grunted.
“Oh…” gulped the mare.
Spike sighed. “What do you want now?”
“Well… it’s a bit too cold, and I’m awfully parched,” she said. “Could we make a fire?”
“Sure,” muttered Spike. “Why the hell not? It’s not like we were exposed enough with Castle Ass-a-lot over there.”
“I’m cold though,” complained Rarity.
“You have fur ,” he said, breaking down a tree branch. “But whatever, I’ll light a fire.”
“Thank you.”
“Bite me,” Spike grumbled, spitting a few green flames on the large tree branch. “Here.”
“Such an odd colour of fire,” Rarity remarked.
“What do you mean?” Asked Spike, throwing more broken branches on the flames.
“Your fire breath,” she said. “It’s green. Has it always been that colour?”
“Yep.”
“How interesting,” the pony smiled. “I guess it just makes you special.”
“Sure…”
“So tell me a bit about yourself,” said Rarity. “We’ve been traveling together all day and we don’t know anything about each other.”
“I don’t care,” answered Spike. “Do you want me to get you your water?”
“Later dear,” she said. “All I’m saying is maybe we could get to know each other a bit better. I’d like to know more about my protector.”
“Rather not.”
“Why not?” She asked. “Aren’t you curious to learn more about each other?”
“Not at all.”
“C’mon Spike, we can make a game of it!” Rarity grinned. “We’ll take turns asking each other questions. Doesn’t that sound fun?”
“What about sleep?” Spike scowled. “I thought you were going to go to sleep.”
“I’m too excited to sleep now,” she clapped her forehooves together. “Play the game for a bit, then I’ll go to sleep.”
“Ugh…” moaned the dragon, taking a seat across the fire from Rarity. “Fine, you can go first.”
“Great,” smiled the mare. “So, first question. Where were you born?”
“Canterlot.”
“Really?” asked Rarity. “But that’s the capital of the ponies. Are you lying to me?”
“Nope,” Spike said, shaking his head. “My turn… what were you doing in Canterlot, you know it’s a warzone right? And you aren’t exactly a warrior.”
“Oh…” blushed Rarity, “Well I’ve actually been meaning to tell you about that… I wasn’t captured in Canterlot.”
“What, so you lied to me?” asked Spike. “Why?”
“I didn’t know if I could trust you,” she confessed. “I thought you could have been working for the Lunar Republic.”
The dragon stared at her blankly. “Do I look like I work for those Lunar ass-hats?”
“I know that now,” she smiled. “But anyways, I was captured a little ways past the border. And that was two questions mister!”
“So?”
“That means I get two in a row.”
“Fine, whatever,” Spike mumbled. “Ask away.”
“Okay… Hmm, do you have any family?”
“No.”
“What about a mother and a father? Any siblings?”
“I said no!” He barked. “So drop it.”
“I’m sorry…” the mare apologized. “I didn’t know that. It was stupid of me to ask you that.”
“Yes it was,” growled Spike. “Now that was two. My turn again. Same question I guess.”
“About my family?”
“Sure.”
“Oh, well my mother and father live in Tall Tale with my little sister Sweetie Belle, that’s the sister city to Vanhoover. The Princess lives there now, ever since Canterlot was turned into a warzone. Oh, and I have the most wonderful friends! There’s Fluttershy, sweetest little thing, awfully timid though. Then there’s Rainbow Dash, a bit rash but always reliable, and of course we can’t forget Pinkie Pie or—“
“I get it, you have a big happy family and tons of friends,” mumbled Spike. “Whoop-de-freaking-doo.”
“Oh… sorry,” apologized Rarity, bowing her head a little. She had already forgotten that Spike had no family. She wanted to know what happened but it felt wrong to pry on such a matter. “Well, I know you have friends. Those dragons that you broke into the camp to rescue. How did you meet them, back in Canterlot?”
“No.”
“Well, where did you meet them?”
“Badlands.”
“Are all your answers going to be one-worded?”
“That’s too many questions this turn,” smiled Spike.
Rarity let a little giggle slip out from the dragon’s comment. “True, I guess it’s your turn.”
“All right, so…” pondered Spike, trying to think of another question. “What were you doing on the east side of Equestria? You said you were a Celestialite, and you don’t look like a soldier.”
“Oh that…” gulped Rarity. “I was… on vacation.”
“Vacation?” Spike wondered. “You don’t see how idiotic that is?”
“Well you know me… I’m the adventurous type,” she said, laughing nervously.
“That has to be the worse lie I’ve ever heard,” said Spike. “And I usually hang around with a moron.”
“That obvious huh?” She sighed. “I guess I owe you the truth, Spike.”
She stared up at the dragon, the green fire flickering in the reflection of her blue eyes, giving off a serious gaze as her horn started to glow, the magical portal of her purse opening up beside her.
“There is a reason that I came to the Lunar Republic. As you know, I am from the Celestial Society, and from the new capital, but what I didn’t tell you is that I am also one of Princess Celestia’s most faithful and trusted subjects, and she had entrusted me to go on a mission across the border.”
“I think I believe the vacation story more than this one.”
“It’s rude to interrupt a lady when she’s talking,” frowned Rarity as she continued. “Anyways, she hoof-picked me and my friends to find and retrieve this…”
She reached into her magical purse, searching the contents of it until she found what she was looking for. What she pulled out was beyond description. A bright light illuminated the darkness, causing Spike to shield his eyes from whatever Rarity took out of her purse portal. When the light seemed to fade, Spike finally got a better look at the thing that Rarity was holding.
It was a large purple crystal, glimmering with a strong and powerful aura of violet energy.
“What the hell is that?”
“This Spike… is one of six Elements of Harmony,” said Rarity. “They were scattered across Equestria a millennia ago and thought to be lost. But a few years ago, we found an old legend telling us their whereabouts and power.”
“So, is this some sort of weapon?” asked Spike. “It doesn’t look that powerful.”
“Well, by itself, it’s nothing more than a pretty diamond,” said the mare. “But when all six are used together, it’s the single most powerful artifact known to pony-kind. It’s why Celestia wanted me and my friends to find them. With the power of all six Elements we can finally end this terrible war once and for all.”
“So that’s why you were on Luna’s side of the world,” muttered the dragon. “What, the tyrant couldn’t do her own dirty work?”
“Princess Celestia is not a tyrant!” Huffed Rarity. “She’s the true ruler of Equestria and only wants her and her sister to be together again.”
“That’s what they told you, I’m guessing?”
“It’s the truth Spike, you’ll see,” she said. “She trusted me to get the Element of Generosity and I plan on getting back home and the princess will end this all and reunite Equestria.”
“And what about Luna?” Spike asked. “I’m assuming that she knows about the Elements of Harmony, what makes you think she won’t get your friends? Who knows, maybe she already has the other five elements.”
“Don’t say things like that!” frowned Rarity. “I know my friends are safe!”
“You can’t know that.”
“Yes I can!” She stated. “Because my Element was the only one in the Lunar Republic. Loyalty was in the Frozen North, Kindness in the Smokey Mountains, Laughter was located in Ghastly Gorge, Honesty in the sands of the San Palomino Desert, and Magic was in the Everfree Forest.”
“So?”
“All those locations are on the Celestial side of the country,” Rarity said. “My Element was located in the Foal Mountains just east of Canterlot… That’s where I got caught.”
“Wonderful…” sighed Spike. “Way to up the ante, now I might feel bad if something happens to you.”
“Really?” asked Rarity, smiling just a little.
“No. Not really,” deadpanned the dragon. “I honestly could care less about why you’re here, or the fact that you think the world depends on your safety because I don’t give a rat’s ass about the fate of this country.”
“Oh… Is it because you’re a dragon?”
“It’s because ponies are scum. Especially unicorns,” muttered Spike. “And here I am, under the will and command of a goddess-damned pony. I honestly should have let you to rot in that cage.”
“That’s—“ Rarity began to say, cutting herself short as she calmed down a little. She looked quizzically at Spike. He was mean, ill-tempered, and a brute, claiming to have a hatred of ponies and everything else. His body was lightly stained with dirt, bits of the brown minerals stuck in between some of his scales. Spike seemed to walk the fine line between dashing hero and hideous monster. Was he a hero claiming to be a monster, or a monster that had a rare moment of heroism? It definitely made her wonder.
“Are we done this stupid game?” Spike asked, finally breaking the silence.
“Yes… Just one more question,” said Rarity.
“This should be good, what?” asked Spike, crossing his arms.
“… Why did you save me?”
There was an eerie and long silence, the playful grin dropping from the dragon’s face as they sat there. It was a question that was bugging him too. Why did he save her? It wasn’t something that he would normally do for anyone, especially a pony. Thinking back, all Spike could remember was the sound of her voice breaking through the fire of his self-made chaos. A sweet, pure, and innocent chime in the darkness that captivated him and for a brief moment he felt… what did he feel?
Rarity tapped her hooves on the ground, waiting impatiently for his answer. “Well, Spike?”
“Huh? Oh…” grumbled the drake, getting up from the ground. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?”
“Well, it’s not like it bucking matters,” he barked. “We played your stupid game, now go to sleep.”
“Okay,” nodded Rarity, picking up her flowers and heading towards her castle tent. “Good night, Spike.”
The drake muttered something under his breath but she couldn’t hear him. ‘For the best,’ she thought, considering that it was probably something very rude. She moved passed the drapes of her door and into her room on the second floor of the tent. Placing the tulips in a vase of fresh water she fell onto her bed. It had just occurred to her how exhausted she was. She never exerted herself this much back in Vanhoover.
But sleep still seemed to elude her. The tulips beside her bed smelled wonderful but that just brings up more questions. Why tulips? Knowing Spike and the way he thought about her, she half-expected a pile of weeds or some animal droppings as some cruel joke. Because that was the way he viewed it, a cruel joke and she was the prankster. She knew that what she did was bad. Infact, it was unforgivable. But she needed to get back home and this seemed like the only option.
When Celestia told her about the elements and her plan, she was a little worried to go into Lunar territory. Even with an entire platoon to escort her pass the border and into the Foal Mountains, she never felt truly safe…
Safe. Was she safe right now? Having Spike outside her tent, knowing that he was watching over her, protecting her from any sort of dangers made her feel safe. But the same could be said when she was with the Celestial army, having patrols around her at all times, willing to give their lives to keep her safe. The opposite could be said for Spike, keeping her alive was essential for his own. The more she thought about it, the more the guilt ate away at her insides.
“Have I doomed you Spike?” She asked herself. “Would you have said yes if I had just asked you?”
The answer was blatantly obvious. Spike would never do something like that. Maybe she should just accept the fact that he was who he was and just stay quiet for the rest of the journey. The sooner they got to Vanhoover the better.
With one final yawn she pulled the covers over her body, letting sleep finally take her.
*****
Soldiers of the Lunar Republic were sifting through the wreckage of the prison camp. The fire that took place last night left nothing more than a pile of burnt tents, cindered wood, and charred bodies of Lunar guards and prisoners alike.
“One dragon… one bucking dragon…” muttered one of the guards as he was dragging a dead body out of the rubble.
“Finding it hard to believe?” Asked the kirin next to him. “Dragons are a plague on this world and it sickens me to know we need them to prosper.”
“I’ll agree with you there, buddy,” said the pony. “Once all those overgrown lizards are dead, this world will be a better place.”
“As soon as Luna finds a way to make our females fertile, I’m positive she’ll finally give the orders to kill these vermin.”
“Yeah…” mumbled the pony, gagging a little as he pulled out a dead griffon. “You ever get used to it?”
“Used to what?” asked the kirin.
“The smell of dead bodies… it’s disgusting.”
“You do know I’ll probably have that griffon for lunch,” grinned the kirin.
“Dude, that’s disgusting,” mumbled the pony.
“Or maybe I’ll have that pony over there. I’m thinking something… extra crispy.”
“Stop it.”
“You know, I’m feeling a hankering for some deep fried ponies.”
“Will you shut up, you freak!” Shouted the pony.
There was a moment of silence as the kirin’s brow furrowed.
“What did you just call me?” the kirin growled, leaning over the trembling pony. “Did you just call me a freak?!”
“It-it just sort of slipped out!”
“Why I autta…”
“Is there a problem, gents?”
Both of the ponies looked over to see a large dark stallion smiling at them. The imposing figure was dressed in a stylish violet jacket over a dark grey vest. His fur was a shade of bronze with a golden mane and his eyes sparkled with the shine of green emeralds. His very presence caused both of the squabbling ponies to kneel in respect.
“Duke Tragedy!” Gasped the pony, “To what do we owe the pleasure?”
“My, my, my… do I have to have motive for my presence?” Laughed the unicorn. “To think that one cannot simply watch the play unfold before him without its characters breaking role.”
“Of course, sire…” said the kirin, his head still bowed down. “We are foolish for questioning someone such as an advisor to her majesty. Please find it in your heart to forgive us.”
“Let me see…” wondered Tragedy, reaching into the collar of his shirt and pulling out a gold-chained pendant of a ruby heart. “I can’t see anything in here… how tragic!” he laughed, letting the necklace hang freely from his neck. “But I suppose there is a purpose to this introduction. I am after all a pivotal character!”
“Sir?” Wondered the pony soldier. “What are you talking about?”
“The play, of course!” Said Tragedy. “I need all the players to gather forth but some simply refuse to come to the casting call.”
“There’s a play?” The kirin asked. “What play?”
“Can’t you see it? It’s the one setting up before our very eyes!” He screamed joyfully jumping in the air. “Tell me, where is the white mare? Did she manage to escape?”
“Umm…” gulped the pony, “We’ve been sifting through bodies all day, but there have been a few missing personnel and prisoners, the white mare being one of them.”
“Perfect!” Squealed the dark stallion. “The damsel of our fairy tale! And who would be her savior, her Prince Charming? Tell me, fool! Who is her knight in shining armour?”
“Well, Duster was the last pony to see the prisoner,” said the kirin. “But he said he saw a dragon break her out of the cage.”
“A dragon?” Wondered Tragedy. “Brilliant! Such drama, plot and conflict! I can see it now!” He laughed, pulling in the pony soldier close to him. He pointed towards the horizon of Equestria just as the sun started to rise. “Just imagine the journey of these star-crossed lovers. Destined by the very fates to travel back to the heaven to bliss in its morning glimmer! Oh how beautiful this play will be! And it’s only just begun!”
“Sir… you’re squeezing really hard on my neck…”
“Shut up,” snarled the poetic stallion. “I’m in the middle of a monologue. Now where was I?”
“It had just begun?”
“Oh yes, thank you,” replied the bronze pony, resuming character. “And it’s only just begun! This dragon and this pony have no idea the events that they have set in motion, a poem of death and heartache, a ballad of war and a love story to be told through the ages! This will be their story and a beautiful one it will be!”
“Sir?” asked the kirin. “What are you suggesting? You’re not making any sense.”
“All the best ponies don’t,” laughed Tragedy. “It takes a mind as pure as a budding flower, yet as grimy as a dung beetle to create such promise.”
“But what about the prisoner?” Asked the pony soldier. “And what about the dragon?”
“Oh them?” Hummed the acting pony. “They will die.”
“Die?”
“But of course. For when this play ends and the curtains fall, we will have witnessed the greatest tragedy known to pony-kind! For all of the greatest plays end tragically. Oh, how I look forward to the chaos. Their blood will run redder than the velvet carpet and they will cry like a banshee as I, their grim reaper, whisk their souls into the deepest and darkest bowels of hell. But I won’t be so cruel. I’ll see to it that their spirits remain entombed together. A little relief for the audience I suppose…”
“This guy is insane,” whispered the kirin.
“What?” asked Tragedy. “I have many roles to play, so forgive me for breaking character. Now I must retire for the day. I will be sure to tell her royal darkness about the plot of our exciting production. Oh, how riveting it all is. I might even forget to tell Princess Luna about your little blunder.”
“Of course, Duke Tragedy,” bowed the kirin. “Thank you for your forgiveness.”
“Stick to the script,” said the bronze pony, walking away the two ponies. “All your lines are highlighted and I don’t accept improv.”
“Yes, Duke Tragedy,” the pony said, watching for the tall unicorn to get out of earshot. When he disappeared from view the two finally relaxed. “By the glory of Luna, that guy creeps me out.”
“You’re telling me. Guy’s got a few screws loose in the head, I think.”
“That’s what makes him dangerous…” gulped the pony. “Anyways, let’s get the rest of these bodies moved.”
“Good idea,” said the kirin, grabbing the next body from the wreckage and throwing him into the growing corpse pile.
He is a child again, walking down the silver halls of the castle, his pudgy little legs struggling to keep him balanced and upright. Every step is a new experience for him, having just learnt to talk the other day. Everything around him is sparkly and shining. The grumble in his stomach indicates that he is hungry and the shiny walls look like delicious diamonds. However, experience has told him the walls were not edible and would just hurt his undeveloped teeth. No, he needed something softer, something softer and leaking with juices… Meat.
Farther down the hall, the tantalizing look of his surroundings keeps him hungry. He needs to find mother, she’ll have something for him to eat. She always kept good care of him.
“Momma…” he calls out, his high-pitched voice echoes down the halls. “Momma?” he cries louder. Now at a full waddle, he trips on something but he can’t see what. He feels a burning pain in his knee, tears build up within his eyes and he calls out louder and louder for his mother. “Momma! Momma!”
Something is wrong, where is she?
“Momma!” it’s the only word he knows, the only one he’d ever needed. So why wouldn’t she come? Did she not care from him anymore?
“Baby?”
The sweet voice of his mother can be heard throughout the shining halls. He looks up and through his teary eyes he sees his mother, running towards him. She smells of blood and sweat, sweet smells to him and he couldn’t be happier.
“Momma!”
Overwhelming joy overtook him. Finding new strength, he managed to press pass the pain in his knee. He ran towards her voice, the odour of freshly cut blood is intoxicating. What had she killed for him today, he wondered.
“Baby,” she smiled, “what are you doing out here? You know that mommy told you to stay in your room.”
“Momma!”
“It doesn’t matter,” she said. “I have a very special treat for you tonight, my child.”
She reached behind her, grabbing something from a bag, maybe? It didn’t matter; all that mattered was the flesh-red hunk of meat she presented to him. Salivating, enticing, he must have it. His stubby little fingers tried to grab at the meat. He wanted the meat.
“Momma, momma!”
“Be patient my little angel,” his mother hummed. “We’ll eat back in the room.”
“Momma?”
“Now hurry. I know how you can get hungry,” she said. “And I have more food back at home.”
That word. Food was it? Food. Food. Food…
“F-f-ood?”
“Yes, my precious little thing,” his mother said. The way she beamed at him seemed to light up the world around him. “Now come along, dear. It’s time for lunch.”
He took her by the tail, and happily followed along into one of the adjacent rooms. When she opened the door though, there was a blinding light and the smell of meat increased. His baser instinct kicked in, the aroma of flesh was too much for him he let go of his mother’s tail and running into the room where a large feast of corpses laid awake for him.
“Momma…I… I love you…”
*****
“Ah!” gasped Spike, shooting up from the ground. He was covered in a cold sweat from the revelation of his dream. It wasn’t a recurring dream or anything like that, but rather a subsided memory that would toy with him from time to time. Parts of his past were a bit blurry, his head doing its best to block something out or something. But dwelling on the past was one way to drive you mad. It was better to focus on the future and right now his future was waking up a certain unicorn.
Grumbling as he got up, he stretched the kinks and sores out of his back. Sleeping on the ground was something he was used to but the sores still managed to work their way in there. Once he was limbered up, he pushed passed the door of the tent castle.
The inside was…girly. That was the only word that came to mind. Pink, purple, and white seemed to be the general colour scheme. Surrounding the room were large lounge chairs, tables, and a kitchen area. There was even what looked like some sort of fashion studio tucked away in the corner with several different fabric rolls and sewing machines. It was nicer than any cave he’d ever lived in, but the bright and happy colours were stinging his eyes.
He moved to passed the lavender smelling room and headed up the inflatable stairs and into Rarity’s bedroom. What he saw was a sleeping pony curled up in a little ball, her blankets and pillows scattered across the mattress. She seemed do peaceful, purring softly in her sleep. Her black eye mask had seemed to slide off and her lashes were stuck to her cheek. Some would call it a picture of beauty.
But they were on a schedule.
“Wakey wakey,” said Spike, nudging the pony. “C’mon, we’re burning daylight.”
“Five more minutes…” drooled Rarity, grabbing one of her pillows and pulling it over her head.
“No. Not five more minutes, now!” frowned the dragon. “Don’t make me drag you out of there.”
“No… Five more minutes…”
Spike ripped the covers away from her, getting a shriek from the drowsy pony.
“Spike! How dare you!” she shrieked. “I’m not even dressed yet! Do you have any idea how discourteous that was?!”
“But you don’t wear clothes…”
“Not the point!” she roared. “You do not enter a lady’s room without first asking for permission!”
“Loud much?” asked Spike. “What the hell crawled up your butt last night?”
“Last night I—“ she stopped herself, realizing that it was pointless to argue with him. It’s not like Spike would actually care about something as privacy. So to save another pointless argument she decided to keep her mouth closed.
“Whatever, let’s get moving for the day. We’ve already burned through the morning and it’ll be noon soon. Remember, we have to stay ahead of any Lunar Republicans trying to catch you.”
“Right,” said Rarity, crawling out of bed. “Just give me a minute to get ready and we’ll go. Is that all right?”
Spike rolled his eyes. “One minute, you got that?”
“Of course,” she nodded. “And not a second more.”
*****
Spike’s eyes grew heavy as he tried to stave of sleep. He had been waiting for what seemed like hours for Rarity to get ready. “Are you ready now?!” he called through the door, yawning a bit.
“In a minute!” Rarity yelled from her room. “I’m just applying a few last minute touches!”
“You said that an hour ago…” the dragon muttered. “We’re burning daylight! Can’t you skip whatever you’re doing? It’s not like anyone is going to see you.”
“A lady must always look her best!
“Look, I just want to get moving and get this nightmare over with!”
“Is that what I am to you?” called out Rarity. “A nightmare?”
“Do you want me to answer that?” asked Spike.
The door the castle tent was pushed aside as Rarity walked out. “Well what are we waiting for?” she said, trotting gracefully passed Spike. “We’re burning daylight!”
“You think you’re so funny, don’t you?” frowned the dragon. “What the hell took you so long? Pampering the your nose? Putting on your fake eyelashes? Did you make sure to use only one hundred cotton toilet paper before wiping your ass?”
“How vulgar...” growled Rarity, rolling her eyes as they continued walking. “I was just applying a bit if make-up.”
“It should not take an entire hour to put on make-up!”
“Ugh, clearly you’ve never used it before,” scuffled the mare. “So how would you know?”
“I don’t have to use it to know that it shouldn’t take that long.”
“You know…” smiled the mare. “I think you could benefit from a little-“
“NO.”
“Oh come now,” pouted Rarity. “All I’m suggesting is a little blush. It would really bring out the green in your eyes.”
“I thought you hated green?” said Spike. “If I remember correctly, you said it was a horrid colour.”
“And if you remembered what I said after, you would remember that I also said it looked good on you.”
The dragon thought about it for a moment, remembering the events of last night. “You’re still not touching me with any of your girly crap.”
“I was just trying to help you look your best,” huffed the pony. “I will never apologize for fashion.”
“I didn’t ask you to apologize,” Spike strained. “Although I will ask you to shut up.”
“How rude!”
“Don’t care.”
ZZZZZZZZZZZZTTT!
“Fricken hell!”
“Well, I am sorry, but you left me no choice,” said Rarity. “I’ve already told you I will not tolerate that sort of language.”
“I didn’t say anything, psycho!” he roared. “You’re just a ditzy little maniac that likes to shock me every time she doesn’t get her way!”
“And if that was the case, which of course it isn’t, do you think insulting the ditzy little maniac would stop making her shock you?” she asked, smiling smugly.
Spike just rolled his eyes. “Let’s just get going,” he said as the two continued down and into the forest.
*****
Manehattan.
One of the biggest cities in Equestria, it was renowned for its colourful history in business, arts, and innovation. There was a time when it was known as the Jewel of the East, bearing the fruits of knowledge and opportunity for all ponies that walked within. But that was the old world. Now, it was the Night City. A city clouded with pollution and grime and smog so thick, not even the sun could break through it.
The occupants of this fair metropolis were a reflection on the eternal darkness. When you are shrouded by darkness all your life, you forgot what the sun looks like, and adapted to the blackness of night. Ponies of Manehattan were paler than normal, the only light ever seen from the fireflies in the lampposts. Their fair complexion was considered a beauty and a symbol of patriotism, forsaking the tans of the sun meant forsaking Celestia.
Within the city walls of Manehattan, laid the tallest building in east: The Empress State Tower. Once a place of business, it had now been converted into the Night Princess’s base of operation, and Luna’s new castle.
Inside the tower, at the top of the one hundredth and fifty sixth floor was where she resided. Princess Luna, Princess of the Night and leader of the Lunar Republic. Her throne room was windowless like a cave, with dark cerulean banners hanging low from the ceiling. There were her loyal kirin guards placed at every column and entrance, a rational precaution considering the circumstances of the war and everything. The princess herself sat far at the back of the room, overlooking it from her azure throne.
She was at the moment listening to the pleas of one of her subjects, an older stallion from Fillydelphia.
“So tell us… Pencil Swipe, was it?” asked Luna, her starry hair flickering and shining brightly in the darkness. “To what decree do you request this audience with us?”
“My princess,” said the stallion, bowing lowly in respect of his ruler. “I-I am just a humble contractor from Filly and we have been plagued with a terrible omen.”
“An omen? What nonsense is this?” the princess frowned. “We know of no such things. Explain yourself to us!”
“There is a mare,” gulped Swipe. “But she isn’t like other mares… She’s pure evil, a monster with a skin of grey,” he was on the verge of tears. “W-we have tried to reason with her, tried to offer her gifts but she only desires death for her beast!”
“Now there is a beast?”
“Y-y-yes, my Darkness,” whimpered the pony. “It is the one that kills innocent ponies. The foul thing…eats things whole while its master watches like it was some sick game!”
“Such a thing…” wondered Luna. “Sounds like a…” she started to drift off in her thought.
“Your majesty?” asked Pencil Swipe. “Is there something wrong?”
“Hmm?” hummed the princess. “Nothing. However, it is our sad duty to inform you that the war against our sister takes priority and we simply cannot spare any soldiers to deal with civil problems.”
“B-b-but that’s not acceptable!” shouted the stallion. “It’s terrorizing the city! It’s eating our children! And you’re just going to sit there and do nothing?!”
“THAT’S ENOUGH!”
Luna slammed her hoof down, emitting a surge of white light. Her eyes started to glow as she rose from her throne.
“WE WILL NOT BE INSULTED BY A MERE COMMONER! WE, THE PRINCESS OF DARKNESS!” she bellowed. The alicorn’s voice echoed throughout the hall. “GUARDS! ESCORT THIS PONY OUT OF OUR PRESENCE.”
“Wha- no, please! A thousand apologizes, your highness!” begged the pony, two kirin guards grabbing him by the shoulders and started to drag him out. “Please, you must help us! You can’t just forsake us! No…!”
He continued to scream and flail as he disappeared behind the large doors of the throne room, his voice slowly fading as he was dragged farther and farther away.
Luna’s eyes started to return to normal. She began to calm down, sitting back down her throne; the moon princess took a few deep breaths. “I’m sorry…” she whispered.
Clap… clap… clap…
The monotonous applause tickled the inside of Luna’s ear. She turned her head to the side to see the smiling face of Tragedy leaning against a pillar. He smacked his hooves together one last time before giving a high-pitched laugh.
The Night Princess frowned. “Do you find something amusing?”
“It must be hard playing two roles, your majesty,” sighed the duke. “But it is rather amusing.”
“Hold your tongue, Tragedy,” growled Luna. “We are not in a jesting mood.”
“We aren’t…? How tragic,” moped Tragedy satirically. “Well, luckily I’m always seeing the bright side, even if it’s shrouded with darkness.”
“Do you have a point, Tragedy?” asked the princess. “If so, quit speaking in riddles and tell us.”
“A wise pony once spoke a rhyme to me,” he said, clearing his thought. “A meaningless word is a word still said, even if the meaning flies over your head.”
“What does that mean?”
“No one’s quite sure,” smiled the duke. “The pony that recited it was nuts! But scholars and poets have taken it apart and it is the general consensus that it means the following: We don’t know!”
“Then if it’s a madmare’s gibberish, why do you bore me with it?” groaned Luna. “We’ve had a very stressful morning…”
“Oh?” Tragedy asked curiously. “Did we have another episode?”
“They’re getting worse…” said Luna. “Everything with this war has been pushing me to my limits. Tragedy, do you think-“
“You don’t have to ask, your Royal Darkness,” he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a demon-headed flask. “I mix some of this up before I left for the prison camp.”
“Thank you,” the princess said, taking the flask from Tragedy and popping the lid off and took a quick drink of it. “Much better, we don’t know what we would do without you.”
“I simply strive to stay in character,” he grinned. “To serve you is nothing short of a passion. To bear its fruits and sink my fangs in them…delicious.”
“Yes, I suppose,” mumbled Luna. “Now if there isn’t anything else-“
“Oh that’s right, I almost forgot my lines!” gasped Tragedy. “All this plot has gotten me sidetracked. I have returned from the prison camp as you so formally asked and taken a report.”
“How bad was it?” she asked.
“Depends on what you would consider bad,” the Duke replied. “I personally found it wonderful; death can have that effect, others would say…dreadful. Dragons are a nuisance, aren’t they?”
“Dragons are the cause of all this destruction?”
“That’s what the survivors say, if he’s a trustworthy character,” smiled Tragedy. “Our hero apparently managed to sneak into the camp unnoticed, kill a bunch of extras, spring some dragons and run off with our leading lady.”
“Speak in Equestrian, Tragedy,” mumbled the night princess. “We haven’t got all day.”
“So blind to the process…” muttered the bronze-coated stallion. “The one known as Rarity managed to crawl out of the wreak and wander off into the forest.”
“She what?!”
“And the plot thickens!” giggled Tragedy. “Isn’t it exciting?”
“Are you daft in the head? Do you have any idea what this could mean for us?!” yelled Luna. She shot up from her throne and began pacing across the room. “This is not good… Not good at all! Do you have any idea what this means?”
“Is that a rhetorical question?”
“We need to find her immediately,” ordered Luna. “We cannot allow our sister to get a hold of her!”
“You’re so dramatic sometimes, princess,” said Tragedy. “You know that?”
“Silence!” commanded the princess. “I will not stand for this! That mare holds the very fate of Equestria in her hooves!”
“Enticing, isn’t it?” commented the Duke. “It fills my heart with butterflies to think of what’s going to happen next. Oh, how I love the suspense!”
“We’ll tell you have it ends…” snarled Luna. “We must retrieve Rarity at any cost. I want you to arrange wanted posters, patrol the streets and woods. I want to find this mare and I need her alive.”
“This is where things get interesting,” smiled Tragedy. “Because there is one last twist in this little production.”
“And what is that?”
“While we don’t know for sure, we believe that the dragon that caused all the chaos has also run away with our little damsel.”
“A dragon working with a pony?” asked Luna.
“I know! Isn’t it just romantic?” cooed Tragedy, making a little kissy face.
“It’s just a nuisance,” deadpanned the mare. “And we will deal with it like all nuisances. Bring me back the mare alive but the dragon…”
“Yes?”
“Kill it. And let it be a message to the Celestials to not trifle with the Lunar Republic.”
*****
“Spikey look!” applauded Rarity, pointing out into the distance. “Is that a waterfall?”
“Hmm?” the dragon wondered, looking to where Rarity was pointing. Not that far away and beyond the treeline stood a tall waterfall, the crisp white water of the rapids fell gracefully down and crashing into the rocks below and kicking up into a mist. “Oh that… I think that’s Neighagra Falls. This means we’re actually making good time, we might be a day or two’s walk away from the border.”
“Oh Neighagra Falls!” Rarity gasped, her eyes lighting up like stars. “I’ve heard about that waterfall. It’s supposed to have one of the most beautiful, most alluring views in all of Equestria. Spikey, can we go and explore the view?”
“We’re not on vacation, Rarity.”
“Oh, come on Spike,” pouted the mare. “Can’t we go for just a quick little visit?”
“No.”
The unicorn frowned, thinking for a moment for a way to convince the stubborn dragon to go to the falls. “I know! You can use the time to scope the area for any signs of Luna’s soldiers.”
“You really want to go to Neighagra Falls, don’t you?” Spike asked.
Rarity nodded as the dragon sighed.
“Whatever… You can go bird watching and I’ll actually do something productive,” he said walking towards the falls.
“Yes! Thank you!” she smiled, wrapping the dragon up in a big hug, burrowing her head into his chest.
This sudden display of affection caught the drake off guard, his arms shocking up as the mare embraced him. Rarity’s touch was oddly soft and smooth like silk, her fur tightening his nerves at the touch. Her body heat was also strangely soothing and warm, not like a raging fire or boiling oil, but like the setting sun or a sleeping animal. It was peculiarly comforting and he could feel the blood rushing to his cheeks and was glad Rarity couldn’t see him blush.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” he said, quickly shoving her off and walking ahead in a haste. “It’s not a big deal, don’t have to get all mushy on me and stuff. Now let’s go, I don’t want to waste a bunch of time.”
Rarity was a little confused by the way Spike was acting, but didn’t press him on it and instead followed him towards the Neighagra falls.
It wasn’t a very long walk to the base of the falls. The misty white rapids of the waterfall fell gracefully into the river below, painting a serene picture before crashing onto the rocks below.
“Isn’t it beautiful?” sighed Rarity, looking at the descending water. “For as vile and dirty as nature can get, it can be quite beautiful sometimes.”
“Yeah, yeah, it’s orgasmic,” muttered Spike. “I can hardly contain my glee from bursting from my pants.”
“But you don’t wear clothes…”
“It’s a metaphor,” he grumbled. “Anyways let’s get this over with. Start climbing.”
“What?” the mare baffled, looking up the steep and rocky cliff that made up the waterfall. “We’re going to climb that?!”
“Yep.”
“That’s absurd!” she shrieked, “It’s suicidal! I can’t climb that!”
“And why not?” the dragon asked smugly. “Afraid to ruin your pedicure? Scared you might ruffle your coat?”
“No…” she grumbled. “I don’t have hands to climb. It would prove very difficult to and take a very long time to climb that waterfall without fingers. Hooves aren’t exactly great for rock climbing, dear.”
“That…” the drake started to say. “That actually makes a little sense.”
“I’m not stupid, Spike,” droned Rarity.
“No, you just seem stupid,” commented Spike.
ZZT!
“Ow!”
“Sorry! That time I didn’t mean to shock you!” Rarity apologized. “Sometimes it just slips my mind.”
“What, you forget to cause me pain on a daily basis?” Spike frowned. “And what do you mean it slips your mind sometimes? How the hell does this whole thing work anyways?”
“It’s emotion base I think,” the mare said. “Every time you act like a pig or make some discourteous remark I can’t help but just want to… Well you know… I’m not making this better, am I?”
“Not really, but it’s just permanent nerve damage,” he muttered. “Nothing too serious.”
“So now what do we do?” Rarity asked. “Are we going to take the long route up the falls?”
“No,” said Spike, shaking his head as he took a knee. “Climb on.”
“What?”
“Climb onto my back,” he repeated. “I’ll carry you up on my back and we’ll get this over with in a matter of minutes.”
“On-on-on y-y-your b-back?” gulped Rarity, looking up at the rocky cliff of the Neighagra falls. “B-but it’s so high! Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.”
“Oh, so now that we’re in the face of danger you want to quit?” smirked Spike. “Don’t tell me we’re afraid of heights now.”
“I am not!” huffed Rarity. “I’m just not thrilled of the idea of falling to my death.”
“Wouldn’t that be nice,” the drake smiled. “But I would actually like to take a better look of our surroundings and I’m not letting you leave my sight for a second. So stop being so damn stubborn and climb on my back.”
Rarity took a heavy breath. “Fine…” she sighed as she approached the dragon’s rather large and muscular back. She gently placed a hoof down, feeling the slight sting of a dozen sharp scales against it, causing her to flinch slightly. Gently, she placed it back down again, being sure to avoid the up sticking ones and the large green spines of his back. “You know you should really brush your scales, Spike. It’s a rat’s nest back here.”
“Brush scales?”
“Yes… In fact,” she said, her horn glowing as she opened her purse and pulled out a large brush. “Give me a few seconds to brush these scales down.”
“What? No, you are not touching me with that thing!” growled Spike.
“Oh hush, a little grooming won’t kill you,” she mumbled as she began to stroke against the scales.
“Hey! Stop that… That… That feels really good, actually,” the dragon said as the mare continued to brush his back. His muscles slowly started to relax as he started to lie down on the ground, letting the Rarity carry on with her grooming. Spike could feel every fiber of the brush against his body, the slight sensation of the hairs seemed to scrub away all the sense and feeling he had carried. He felt good, relaxed, a little sleepy, things he had forgotten how to feel in life.
“You see?” smiled Rarity, as she finished up the last few strokes. “You’re nothing more than a big soft puppy dog.”
“Go to hell,” Spike said dreamingly, to relaxed to do anything more. “Just keep brushing…”
“I would love to, but your scales really did a number on mine,” she said, looking at the almost destroyed brush.
“Just a few more strokes… Please?”
A warm smile stretched across Rarity’s face. “Spike, I’m surprised. Did you just say please?”
“Don’t flatter yourself,” the dragon mumbled in his dream state. “It feels too damn good for you to stop now.”
“Very well,” sighed Rarity. “I suppose there are worst things than being down a hair brush.” She resumed her brushing of the scales as the dragon began to purr with the massaging effects of the brush. This was a different Spike than what she had seen yesterday, soft, relaxed, even pleasant to be around. This was not the hardened drake that he claimed to be or tried to portray. It was the dragon that had saved her from the cage and freed her, the dragon he didn’t want to be.
The hairs on the brush were starting to fray and wilt from constant brushing against the hard scales. Looser ones had gotten jammed in between the fibers while others fell out. However, his back was a lot shinier and presentable and less dirty. All his scales were facing the right way and his back was much more refined, letting her see Spike’s back in a greater sense of detail.
“Oh my…” she gasped. “Spike… Where did you get these scars?”
With no dirt or bent scales to hide them, Rarity could see two rather large welts on Spike’s back, each one located at the center of his shoulder blades, they were a dark crimson red, barely distinguishable from the dirt that once laced his back.
“What?” mumbled the dragon.
“Your back… You have two rather large swellings,” she said.
“Oh... Those…”
“Did you get these during the prison raid?” she asked.
“No… Those are old wounds,” Spike said, a tint of dread in his voice. “They’re where my wings were.”
“Oh my… What happened to them?”
The dragon took a heavy sigh, “My…my mother ripped them out when I was a child…so I couldn’t fly away from her.”
