Wasted Hours

by Closer-To-The-Sun

Rating: everyone
Tags: Other, Caramel, Shining Armor, Big Macintosh, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy
Length: 3329

In a world that seems to be designed solely for girls, sometimes all you really need is a drink and a night out with your fellow guys.

“All those wasted hours we used to know,/Spent the summer staring out the window./The wind it takes you where it wants to go.” –Arcade Fire, ‘Wasted Hours’

Spike, Big Macintosh, Caramel and Pokey Pierce have a special group that meets once or twice a month. They sit around, have some drinks, hang out, and talk about anything and everything. But this time around, Spike brings in a guest to the meeting, Shining Armor. With this new member, what new secrets will be unfolded? And more importantly, who will pay the bill at the end of the night?

Published 2013-01-26 09:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-26 09:00:02 UTC

Chapter 1: Get It Together

Chapter 1: Get It Together

Princess Luna’s moon began to rise over Equestria while her sister’s sun finished setting, signaling the end of the working day for all of the ponies in Ponyville. Stallions and mares took to the streets of the town and headed their separate ways. Some headed home for the evening while others went elsewhere to gather with friends. This included five certain residents.

“Come on, Shining Armor, we’re going to be late if you don’t pick up your hooves!” a small purple dragon edged on as he walked through the crowed streets of Ponyville.

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” the white unicorn stated, catching up with the reptile, “You sure they won’t mind me tagging along with you, Spike? I mean, it’s not like I know them like you do.”

Spike turned around and walked backwards as he replied, “Sure, I’m sure! You’re like a big brother to me, so I’m positive they won’t mind ya hanging out with us!”

Shining Armor wasn’t convinced, “But I don’t want to stick out and be awkward.”

“Come on, you’ll be fine! Besides, it’ll just be like when you are with your buddies in the Royal Guard,” Spike assured as he turned back around and kept moving forward. Shining Armor tried to rebuttal, but was too busy trying to catch up to the small dragon.

After maneuvering their way through the streets filled with other ponies, Spike and Shining Armor arrived at their destination, the Salt Lick.

The white unicorn was puzzled, “You guys meet here?”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“Isn’t the drinking age for ponies at least 21?” Shining Armor asked.

Spike paused for a moment, “I’m a dragon.” With that statement, he entered the tavern with Shining following behind.

Upon entering the establishment, the ripe smell of alcohol filled both of their lungs. Spike gagged slightly at the sudden scent before continuing deeper in with Shining following close. The lighting of the tavern was fairly dim, but it was still a warm and welcoming environment for all the ponies and other creatures.

“Ah, there they are, near the wall!” Spike called out, waving his claw in the air to get the attention of his comrades. They raised a hoof to acknowledge him as he scurried over. “Sorry, I’m late. The streets were packed.”

Catching up with his sister’s assistant, Shining Armor looked to see three stallions seated around the table. One of them was a very big and muscular red stallion with orange-ish hair. To the right of him was a tan colt with a chocolate brown mane that seemed to almost the complete opposite of the pony he was seated next to. Lastly, there was a light blue unicorn with a frizzled mane.

“It’s quite fine, Spike,” the red stallion spoke in a low voice, “Whose yer friend, ya got there?”

Spike noticed that Shining Armor finally made it over to the table, “Oh, right! Guys, this is Twilight’s brother, and kind of mine as well, Shining Armor!”

Sheepishly, he greeted the other stallions, “H-Hey.”

To the white unicorn, it felt as if the other ponies were examining him from his hooves to his horn and back again. He felt as if they would pick out any and all minor aspects about him and use it to mock him, whether it be his size or the tint of blue his mane was. To the unicorn’s surprise, however, they seemed completely welcoming of him.

“Hey, welcome to the group, newbie!” the tan colt was the first to speak after an eternity of silence in Shining Armor’s opinion, “I’m Caramel. This colt next to me is Big Macintosh. Just call him Big Mac.” The red stallion nodded as his name was mentioned, taking a drink from his mug.

“And I’m Pokey Pierce. What do you drink, Shining Armor?” the fellow unicorn asked with a welcoming smile.

“Oh, ale if they have it.”

“Got it, and the usual for you, Spike?” Pokey asked as he was about to trot away.

“Yup, a Shirley Trople for me!” the dragon spoke proudly as he took a seat at the table.

Shining Armor sat down and was still a little hesitant to say or do anything.

Big Mac noticed the tenseness in the unicorn, “Ya can relax, Shinin’ Armor. Ain’t no reason ta get worked up.”

“Yeah,” Spike chimed in, “We’re all just friends here having a good time.”

“Alright….well, what do you guys do here?” he asked.

Caramel was the first to reply, “We usually meet once or twice a month to just meet and hang out. Talk about what’s going and all kinds of stuff.”

“I see,” Shining remarked, still trying to understand the group.

Pokey returned with the other drinks. He levitated the drinks to their rightful owners and sat down. “So,” he began, “whose going to go first this time?”

“How about you, Pokey?” Spike suggested, “Things have to have gotten better after last time we met.”

“Yeah, how are things goin’ fer ya?” Big Mac asked.

Taking a sip of his drink and letting out an unusual sound that came from drinking his bittersweet liquor, he started, “Well, I guess my luck is getting better. I still have my ups and downs”

“Come on, you can’t have worse luck than Caramel here!” Spike interrupted.

Caramel jokingly joined in, “Yeah, come on!”

“Eeyup, he’s broken things by looking at them,” Big Mac added.

“Well, kinda….” the tan stallion tried to defend himself.

“He even tripped downhill by just trotting slowly!” Spike laughed aloud.

“Okay, I think he gets the point, guys!” Caramel was obviously annoyed, “Continue, please.”

Pokey resumed, chuckling a bit, “Heh, well on the bright side, I do have a steady job now. I’m working at Sugarcube Corner.”

“The bakery?” Shining Armor asked, “I thought you looked familiar, I saw you earlier this morning.”

Pokey nodded, “Yup, that’s when my shifted started this morning. It’s not exactly a job I thought I’d really enjoy doing, but hey, I love working their everyday.”

“Haha, you’re just saying that because of Pinkie Pie!” Spike blurted out as he took a drink of his cocktail.

Pokey sheepishly smiled at the dragon’s comment, causing him to laugh more.

Chapter 2: Nothing Better

Chapter 2: Nothing Better

The other stallions were surprised to see Pokey act so bashful at Spike’s laughing.

Caramel was the first to speak, “Is that true about Pinkie Pie, Pokey?”

“Well, I would be lying if I said she didn’t make everyday unique and fun,” Pokey seemed flustered. He quickly took a drink of his amaretto, which led to him immediately regretting drinking so much of the bitter liquid at once.

“Do you have a thing for her?” Shining Armor asked, tilting his head. He knew of the pony and had a few interactions with her before. He had to admit that she was one of the more unique ponies he had ever met.

The blue unicorn cleared his throat before he replied, “Well, we kind of got a thing for each other….nothing all that serious yet or anything.”

This surprised all of the others at the table. Big Mac asked the question the rest wanted to know the answer to, “Are ya two goin’ steady or anythin’ of the sort?”

Pokey laughed, “I told you guys, nothing all that serious yet. To be honest, I’m just happy she doesn’t hate me like I thought she did. As it turned out, she had a crush on me. Who knew?”

“So you guys aren’t all that serious yet?” Caramel asked. When the blue stallion shook his head no, the tan colt laughed, “Well, it’s good to hear that for you and all. But not to brag, I kind of got something going on with a mare.”

Spike was in disbelief, “Nah, there’s no way, Caramel. You’re too much of a screw up for anypony.”

“I have to agree with the pint-sized dragon on this one,” Pokey stated.

“I mean it! A mare and I do have a relationship!” Caramel was becoming defensive.

“Who? Roseluck?” Pokey pondered.

“Cheerilee?” the dragon guessed.

“That grey mailmare that has an odd obsession with baked goods?” Shining Armor joined in with a joke. The others laughed with Caramel grew more annoyed.

“No! It’s none of them! In fact, she’s better than all of them combined!” the stallion proudly proclaimed. Taking a drink of his cider, he continued, “She’s strong, independent, thoughtful, kind, and so much more! It’s Ap-”

“Applejack,” Spike quickly interjected before Caramel could finish.

“What? How’d you know?” the tan stallion felt defeated with the dragon beating him to his own end.

“Applebloom and I got our methods. But it’s not me who you should worry about, Caramel. It’s the brother whose sitting next to you,” the dragon pointed as he took a long sip of his Shirley Trople.

Caramel turned to see Big Macintosh giving him a grim look. Caramel shirked down in his seat in his awkwardness. The scene that was playing out in front of them caused Shining Armor, Pokey and Spike to all laugh.

“Were ya plannin’ on tellin’ me this anytime soon?” the red stallion asked, glaring at his co-worker and friend.

“I….uh….I was….honest. But, it….uh….just kind of all happened fast….sorry?” Caramel cowered in fear that Big Mac would unleash a righteous fury that only an older brother could give.

Big Mac’s expression quickly changed and the stallion laughed, patting the back of his friend, “It’s quite alright, Caramel. Ah know ya well an’ ah trust ya. Jus’ behave yerself.”

“W-Will do, B-Big Mac….” Caramel was both relieved and scared at Big Mac’s reaction. The others, however, found it to be humorous.

“An’ don’t be thinkin’ that this means things will be easier fer ya ‘round the farm. In fact, ah might give ya more work, jus’ because,” Big Mac winked at Caramel.

The stallion, however, wasn’t exactly convinced that Big Mac was joking or not about anything he was saying, “O-Okay, s-sir….”

“So, if Caramel turns up dead in a ditch somewhere, we know what might have happened to him,” Shining Armor joked.

“Yeah, he got ‘big brothered’ to death!” Pokey added on and shared in the laughter.

Spike, who was still chuckling, gave some words of encouragement, “It’s alright Caramel. If it makes you feel better, I got some dirt on Big Mac as well!”

Big Mac quickly seemed to be worried at the small dragon’s statement, while the tan stallion appeared to have a great interest.

Chapter 3: Crazy Little Thing Called Love

Chapter 3: Crazy Little Thing Called Love

“Really now? You got dirt on our lovable Big Macintosh, Spike?” Pokey also seemed to be very interested about the details.

“Well, don’t just tease us with it, Spike, tell us!” Caramel edged on.

“M-Maybe he sh-shouldn’t….” Big Mac spoke, worried of what the dragon might know about him.

“Ah, don’t worry, Big Mac, this isn’t about the stuffed doll,” Spike jested, causing Caramel and Pokey to laugh.

Big Mac looked down at his mug of cider, remembering the gathering they had a few months back when Spike asked him how Smarty Pants was enjoying his new home. He did get a lot of jokes and ridicule from them about still having Twilight Sparkle’s old doll, but he didn’t care. In fact, Big Mac still enjoyed playing with the doll every so often.

“So, what’s it about?” Caramel was persistent on learning something that would make Big Mac embarrassed.

“Just about Big Macintosh here and Twilight Sparkle have been spending quite a lot of time together. If you ask me, I think the two have a little thing between them,” Spike boasted his information to all at the table. The stallions all then looked to Big Mac, seeing him blushing slightly at the remark.

“Is there something between Twilight Sparkle and you, Big Mac?” Pokey asked, leaning forward for an answer.

“E-Eeyup….” he answered, flustered as he could be.

The table erupted in laughter.

“Oh, how the mighty have fallen!” Caramel loudly stated, “You can’t give me any junk about me and Applejack now! Ha ha!”

Pokey, on the other hoof, was more lenient with his friend, “Hey, congrats. I honestly think ya needed somepony special to even you out and that librarian is an excellent choice in my opinion.”

Shining Armor thought about it, “If I may say something.”

“Uh oh, Big Mac. Now you have to deal with the big brother problem,” Caramel harassed the red pony, “Welcome to my nightmare.”

The white stallion shook his head, “Actually, it isn’t like that. In fact, I think it’s kind of a good thing you and Twily have something going on.”

Spike giggled softly to himself, “Hee hee, Twily….”

“My sister is a bit of an egghead and lacks, well, common social skills,” Shining continued, “And I know it sounds odd, but I think it’s a good thing that she’s getting a bit out of her comfort zone and interacting with ponies in this fashion.”

“Really? Yer okay with it?” Big Mac was surprised.

“I won’t lie, I’m worried, but I trust her judgment. And from what I can tell about you, you seem like the noble gentlecolt of a stallion. Just try to keep her away from the books every so often,” Shining Armor finished with a little jest.

“Keep Twilight away from the books? Why don’t you just try to fly like a pegasus while you’re at it, Big Mac?” Spike laughed, which caused the others to join in.

“What about you, Spike?” Shining Armor asked, “Got any mare stories to share?”

The dragon was puzzled, “Huh?”

The other unicorn joined in, “Yeah, come on, Spike! You gotta have at least have some sort of crush on a filly or something!”

“What about Applebloom, Spike? You and her do play a lot around the farm. Well, so do you with the other two,” Caramel spoke.

“Um….well, it’s kind of a long story….” Spike reached for his drink to take a long sip.

“Not like we’re goin’ anywhere,” Big Mac took another drink of his cider.

“It’s kind of weird….” he made another excuse.

Pokey laughed, “Oh, and mine isn’t? Please, I thought Pinkie hated me because I ruined her parties, for crying out loud!”

“Come on, Spike. We’re all guys here. No judging here,” Shining Armor encouraged the little dragon.

With a sigh, he finally gave in, “Alright. A little while back, the Cutie Mark Crusaders kinda had an….argument over me. It kind of really messed things up.”

Big Mac was perplexed “Come again?”

“What do you mean, Spike?” Caramel asked.

Spike was hesitant to continue, but resumed, “Well, I found out that Applebloom liked me, which was weird to begin with. And then Sweetie Belle came out of nowhere with her feelings and totally made things weirder. The two of them fought over me, finally deciding that I would choose between them. And in my stupidity, I picked Scootaloo. I guess with her help though, we all got things all patched up. Things are still a little messed up, but we all agreed to all be friends first and whatever else later.”

“Ouch, that’s gotta sting,” Pokey remarked, taking a sip of his amaretto.

“Well, that explained the day Applebloom refused to come down from the clubhouse for dinner,” Big Mac stated.

Spike brought a claw up to his head and rested it there, “Yeah, I messed up big time.”

“But hey, it’s in the past, right?” Caramel tried to lighten the mood.

“He’s got a point there, squirt,” Shining stated, offering a smile.

Spike gave a small smile back, “Yeah, that’s true.”

Pokey decided to liven the mood up even more, “Though it seems we got to watch out. Looks like we got a filly-killer on our hooves, boys!”

All of the stallions shared in a laugh. Spike was sour at the remark for a moment, but then couldn’t help but join in the infectious laughter.

“In all fairness, Spike, you have to roll with what life deals with you sometimes,” Shining stated, “I can honestly tell you that love is….lack for a better word, weird.”

The other stallions nodded and agreed with the comment.

“And when it happens to you for the first time, you’ll never be ready for it,” the white unicorn added.

“Just liking and thinking about that special somepony will drive you crazy,” Caramel added.

“It’ll give you a hot and cold fever,” Pokey continued.

“Then leave ya in a cool sweat,” Big Mac finished.

Spike paused for a second as he thought about what they said, “Isn’t that a song?”

The five of them were paused in silence before they all erupted in laughter and their own words.

“All in all, Spike, that’s what you need to know. It’s strange thing, that crazy little thing called love,” Shining Armor summed up.

The dragon smiled, “Yeah, kind of experienced it first hand. But, thanks for your help guys.”

Pokey raised his glass up, “Of course! Who else are you going to turn to in this town of mares?”

The rest of the table also raised their glasses up for a toast of their group.

Chapter 4: Closing Time

Chapter 4: Closing Time

The night carried on at the Salt Lick as the group of four stallions and a small dragon continued to chat away amongst themselves. The five laughed and made jokes at each other’s expense, but all in good fun. Time seemed to pass quick for the gang of males in the tavern as the barkeep trotted up to their table.

“Alright, hate to do this to your party fellas, but it’s closing time and the bill is here,” the barkeep laid a piece of paper on the table for the five before trotting away.

“You heard the stallion, end of the night,” Pokey stretched out his limbs and accompanied it with a big yawn.

Spike also yawned, “These things never last long enough.”

“Eeyup,” Big Mac agreed, standing on all four hooves.

Caramel pointed across the table to Shining Armor, “Newbie pays for the night!”

This caught the white unicorn off guard, “Huh, what?”

Spike stood up to explain, “Whenever we get a new pony in the group, they have to pay for the drinks for the entire night. It’s how we kind of break new members in.”

“Is that why you invited me, Spike?” Shining Armor had a smirk on his face.

The dragon looked at the multiple of empty glasses that held his Shirley Trople, “No….maybe….yes….”

The group laughed in unison again. Shining Armor placed the bits on the table to cover all the drinks and plus some. The five then made their way out of the tavern and into the night.

“So, next meeting in a two weeks?” Caramel asked as he shivered. The night air was cold on his coat and seemed to be the same on the rest of the ponies.

“Sounds fine by me. I’ll request the time off from the bakery,” Pokey stated, “I’m sure Pinkie won’t mind filling in for me.”

“Alright, we got a plan for next time!” Spike was already eager for the next gathering.

“I have to say it was fun spending the evening with you guys. Thanks for letting me hang out with you guys,” Shining Armor stated.

“Thanks fer payin’ fer all of us,” Big Mac laughed with others joining.

Pokey spoke, “Paying for our drinks aside, it was really awesome to have another guy join us tonight. As far as I’m concerned, you’re allowed to join anytime you want.”

Caramel nodded, “And I hope that will be at the next one.”

“Ha ha, you can bet I’ll make it!” Shining Armor exclaimed.

“As long as the princess doesn’t have too much of a leash on you!” Spike added.

With all of them in laughter, they trotted into the night.

END