Top Of The Charts

by GeodesicDragon

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, DJ P0N-3, Human, Sad, Princess Luna, Anon, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Octavia, Romance
Length: 29094

When DJ Anon is signed to an Equestrian record label, he reckons that he's finally hit the big time. Unfortunately, Fate has other ideas.

After ending up in Equestria, DJ Anonymous finds himself becoming friends with his Equestrian counterpart, the one and only Vinyl Scratch. After demonstrating human music, Anon is signed up to a label by the producer Tech Beat. He soon finds fame and fortune, and Vinyl is always by his side.

But when an incident at a gig leads to Vinyl making a startling revelation, Anon starts to struggle with his own feelings. And it'll take a little bit of divine intervention, as well as a ton of other advice, to make him realise what he really wants. It's just a shame Fate has other plans for him.

AUTHOR'S NOTES

This needs a rewrite.

Oh look, Geo is jumping on the AiE bandwagon!

I've always wanted to do an AiE, but I never really had a good idea. To Friend Is Human started out as an AiE, but I decided it would be better as a self-insert prose story. This idea came to me while I was listening to music and browsing the AiE threads on /mlp/. I figured that it would make a good story, so I wrote it.

Rated Teen for language and eventual sexual themes and violence.

The OC Tech Beat belongs to Listener (aka Listener), and is used with his permission.

Anon thinks in this colour.
Anon's brain thinks in this colour.
Vinyl thinks in this colour.
Vinyl's brain thinks in this colour.

Cover Image by Catfood.

Published 2013-01-30 05:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-18 13:26:59 UTC

The Journey

CHAPTER ONE

The Journey

You are Anonymous. And you are a DJ... of course, you use that term loosely. Your idea of being a DJ is simply waiting for a CD to finish and then replacing it with a new one. You don't know the first thing about mixing or remixing, so you simply stick with changing CDs around. Which is precisely what you're doing now.

You've been hired to provide the music for a wedding. It's boring as all hell, but at least the pay makes up for that. You're taking requests and playing them out when a girl catches your eye. Ordinarily, you would jump at the chance to play something for a pretty lady. Pity this one is far from pretty.

She's got long greasy hair, braces, pimples, glasses, the whole shebang. But what really makes her stand out is the t-shirt she's wearing — a large picture of your least favourite singer. And now she is walking towards you with a small smile on her face. When she talks, she lisps and sprays you with saliva.

"Can you play some of this artist's songs?"

"I'm busy dealing with other requests right now," you respond while wiping your face with a napkin, "if you don't mind waiting."

The girl shakes her head. You can now add dandruff to that list of things she's got going for her.

"No, you will play something of his right now." she demands. "I am the bride's sister so if you want paid tonight, you'll do what I say. Play this song, it's my favourite."

She whispers in your ear the name of the monstrosity she wants you to inflict on these innocent party-goers. Her breath on your ear causes you to shudder and stifle a retch. When she finally pulls away from you, you let out a small sigh.

"I've already told you that I'm dealing with other requests," you say as you pinch the bridge of your nose, "so you can wait. I will play something for you, but you need to take it easy, all right?"

All hail Anon, the voice of reason.

Shut up, brain.

The fat girl shakes her head again and grabs you by the collar, putting her face to yours. She smells of Doritos and cheap booze.

"Listen pal," she snarls, "I don't care about the other people who are waiting. They can rot for all I care. Their requests mean nothing to me, so you'd better get your ass in gear and play something."

You glance over her shoulder and see that everyone has gone silent. The bride has her face buried in her hands and is muttering something. You can't hear exactly what she says, but you do manage to make out the words 'stupid bitch'.

"Looks to me like you've just ruined the big day." you say smugly. "I don't think you're going to be here for very long, so why don't you just let me go and waddle off somewhere, hmm?"

You look at the girl and wait for her to release you from her surprisingly good grip. However, you were not prepared for the force with which she propelled you across the room. As you fly into the wall you hear, and feel, something cracking.

Putting a hand to your forehead, you are greeted with the warm feeling of blood. You groan in exasperation as you get to your feet. But your assailant doesn't appear to be done yet... at least, if that broken bottle she's holding is anything to go by.

Oh come on!

I've got your back, Anon. Just give me a second to recall some of the martial arts moves we saw in that movie... right, I want you to flail your arms around and scream like a banshee. That should be enough to get her to stop. Once she sees you're just a poor simple idiot, she might take pity on you and leave you alone.

You make a note to punish your brain with alcohol later and assume a stance. Thankfully, before anything can happen, the girl is sent crashing to the ground by a chair to the back of the head. The bride looks down at her and sighs. She then approaches you and hands you an envelope.

"When my sister wakes up," she warns you, "she's going to want your blood. That envelope contains your pay for tonight, plus a little extra to apologise for her behaviour. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that it would be a good idea if you left. Be sure to get your head checked out as well."

You nod, tucking the envelope into your pocket next to your mobile. You then leave the building as quickly as you can, avoiding the curious stares you are getting from passers-by.

Right. Hospital first and then go home.

Fuck that, Anon. You'll be waiting for ages in the hospital. Just go home and patch it up yourself.

You agree with your brain, for once, and head towards your humble little abode. Little being the key word. It was a single room flat with a tiny kitchen area, a bathroom and a sofa bed.

You scrape the keys across the lock as you work to open the door. Eventually you get it right and head inside, making sure to lock the door behind you. The last thing you need after nearly being killed by a crazed fangirl is to get burgled.

You make your way to your equally small bathroom and stand in front of the mirror. The man who stares back has a four-inch gash running along his forehead. You open the cabinet and pull out the first-aid kit.

Clean, disinfect (which stung like a motherfucker) and bandage. All done. It's not the best, but at least doing this was better than waiting in the hospital for three hours surrounded by drunks and snot-nosed kids.

You crawl into bed without stopping to undress, simply hoping to forget the events of the day.

You do realise I'm going to make you relive that crap for as long as I can, right Anon?

Love you too, Brain.

It isn't long before sleep claims you.

***

Despite your brain's threats, you didn't relive the incident. Instead you dreamt that you were falling into a bright white light... and then crashing through a forest canopy onto a dirt road. It was some dream, it even felt real.

As you wake up, you suddenly realise that it wasn't a dream. That you are in fact face down on a dirt road.

Uhh, Brain?

Yeah Anon? What's up?

What the fuck did you do?

I didn't do anything! Well, not this time anyway.

You groan and get to your feet, the taste of dirt lingering on your tongue. This in turn makes you realise that you can taste things. You can also smell a faint trace of smoke in the air, and feel your belongings in your pockets. Your mobile and the envelope are still there. You can hear birds singing.

But of course, sight would have to be an issue, given the fact it's dark. Almost pitch black, actually. You stand there for a few minutes scratching your head before you start pinching yourself, thinking that you're dreaming. Instead of waking up, you yelp in pain and smack a hand to your forehead in frustration.

All senses nominal, Anon. Though given how much time you spend in bright nightclubs, it's hardly a surprise you can't see straight.

You spend the next twenty minutes waiting for your eyes to adjust to the darkness. Slowly but surely, you can make out shapes in front of you. Trees (of course), foliage, rabbits, buildings...

... wait, what?

You strain your eyes some more.

Yes, those are indeed the silhouettes of buildings that you can see. You decide that anywhere is better than staying in a creepy darkened forest. You find yourself thinking of Deliverance, though you never actually saw that movie.

Any second now, I am gonna hear banjos...

You walk slowly through the forest along the path. Just because you can see civilisation doesn't mean you're going to run like an idiot and get yourself hurt. You don't need that kind of trauma right now, though you'd much rather run face-first into a tree than get beaten up by an angry fangirl again.

Fifteen careful minutes later, you arrive at your destination. You're in a small town of some kind. The streets are well lit, but they're deserted. The buildings themselves appear to be made of wood. You can't see a single concrete or steel structure anywhere. It looks like you walked onto the set of a medieval film.

You reach out and touch one of the buildings. Yep, it feels like real wood. You take a step back and look up, only to find that you've touched yet another goddamn tree. Except unlike the others, this one appears to be getting used for something.

What the fuck kind of movie is this?!

You scratch your head as the confusion sets in. You have no idea what kind of messed up dream this is, but you don't like it. As you contemplate ways you can get home, a sound reaches your ears. The wonderful sound... of music.

You begin following the music hoping that where there's music, there's people. As you walk, you listen carefully to the tune. You're not sure, but it sounds like classical music remixed to sound like dubstep. You feel your head bobbing along to the beat and fix a smile upon your face. Whoever these people are, they sure know how to throw a party!

The music gets louder as you approach another building. If the giant record on the side and the words 'Club P0N-3' are anything to go by, you'd be right in thinking that this was a nightclub. You walk around the side towards the entrance.

"Sorry pal, this is a private pa—HOLY CELESTIA!"

You stop in your tracks and look down to find two small horses, both of which only comes up to your waist, looking back at you. One of them licks its lips and swallows nervously while the other resorts to giving you the stink-eye.

"Are you seeing this thing, Silver?" one of them asks.

"I'm seeing it Flash," the other replies, "but I'm not believing it."

These things can talk?

These things can talk. Requesting permission to pass out?

Permission denied. I want to see where this goes. Suck it up Anon, and introduce yourself!

You wave a hand meekly. The two horses back away suddenly, baring their teeth. It'd be funny if it wasn't so serious. You cough awkwardly and clear your throat. Looks like it's time for these two to meet the voice of reason.

"Hi there," you say, "my name is Anonymous. Any chance you fine... uh, gentlemen... could help me? I think I'm lost."

'Silver' and 'Flash' drop their aggressive expressions and replace them with curious ones.

"Did it just talk?" Silver says, his mouth hanging open slightly.

"I think it just did." Flash responds. "What do we do?"

You look at them as they begin whispering to each other, seemingly forgetting that you're there. Their conversation is very hushed, but you do manage to make out the words 'thing', 'help', 'royal guard', 'twilight', 'princess', 'exile' and 'moon'. Though what any of it actually means is beyond your understanding. Then again, this whole situation is beyond your understanding.

The two stallions eventually turn back to you. You put on your winning smile. These things obviously don't trust you, and you don't plan on giving them any reason to continue thinking like that. You just want to wake up from this.

"Follow me Anonymous." Silver says as he opens the door, "Perhaps Vinyl will be able to help you. I'll have to take you through the club to see her, so expect everypony to give you their full attention."

As he opens the door smoke pours out, followed by the deafening sound of music and cheering. These horses—

Ponies, Anon.

... right. These ponies certainly seem to know how to enjoy themselves. If this was Earth, you'd be straight on that dance floor showing off your moves. But this isn't Earth, this is... some other place entirely.

As you follow Silver through the doors the music and chatter suddenly grinds to an abrupt halt as the party ponies take notice of the new arrival. Chatter breaks out as they speculate on what you are. As you continue walking, you hear yourself being referred to as 'a hairless minotaur runt' on more than one occasion.

That's a bit harsh.

Nonetheless you shrug it off and keep walking. You're hopefully not going to be here for long, so these things can say what they want about you. You begin to notice that some of these ponies have horns, while others had wings. So much for some sense of normality in your dreams.

Eventually, Silver leads you along a winding set of corridors to a door. A sign on the door announces it to be Vinyl's office. Silver taps on the door a couple of times with a hoof. The door is enveloped in a blue light and wrenched open. Silver walks in, and you immediately hear a female voice. Seems that Vinyl is upset.

"What the buck is going on out there, Silver?!" she demands, "Why has the music stopped?"

"I assure you Vinyl," Silver replies, "that the music stoppage is not a technical fault. Everything going on out there is because of the... unexpected guest we've got."

"Unexpected guest?" Vinyl repeats. She thinks for a moment before her voice suddenly goes up a few octaves, "Is Princess Luna here? Why was I not informed? She never makes a surprise visit!"

"It's not the Princess." Silver says. "It was... well, I'll let you see him for yourself. Anonymous, get in here!"

You walk into the office. Sitting behind a desk is a white unicorn mare with a two-tone electric blue mane and tail and wearing a pair of purple goggles on her head. Her eyes are red, and they're gazing into your very soul. It's rather uncomfortable.

"Whoa, cool!" she says as she leaps out from behind her desk and trots over to you, "I've never seen anypony like you before. What kinda freaky thing are you supposed to be?"

You raise an eyebrow at her.

"I'm a human," you reply, "and my name is Anonymous or 'Anon' for short. To cut a long story short, I appear to be stuck in this crazy dreamland, and I need help waking up."

Vinyl looks at you for a moment before breaking into laughter.

"A dream?" she says, "Dude, this isn't a dream. You're in Equestria now! This is all real!"

"All... real?" you parrot.

"Buck yeah it's all real!" Vinyl snorts. "If it was a dream, you wouldn't be able to feel this!"

She prods you in the side with her horn. It hurts a little, but serves to reinforce her point.

This is all real.

She grins at you as you attempt to process this information.

If this is real, then that means I'm never going home. I'll be stuck here, in a crazy world of ponies with horns and wings who love to party into the small hours of the night.

You come to the conclusion that you are actually quite happy about this. You love partying, so perhaps you can show these ponies how humanity cuts loose. You return Vinyl's grin with one of your own.

"Sounds good to me." you say. "Now, how about you show me how much you ponies like to party?"

You don't get to say any more as Vinyl drags you out of her office at a ridiculous speed.

A New Start

CHAPTER TWO

A New Start

As Vinyl drags you along the corridor, you wonder why she's not totally freaked out about you like the others were. You think that maybe, just maybe, she is under the influence of some freaky pony drug that makes her see things as other things.

Either that or she genuinely thinks you're cool simply because you're a new species. You hope that it's the latter as the dance floor comes back into view again. The music has restarted, but it soon stops when Vinyl sticks a hoof in her mouth and whistles loudly.

"Hey everypony," she yells, "listen up! This here is Anon. As you can see, he's not a pony. But he seems cool, so he's gonna hang with us for a while, and maybe show us a few things about how his kind chills the buck out!"

The crowd stomps the floor with their hooves, presumably in approval. Vinyl signals for the music to restart and pushes you onto the dance floor. You look around at the assorted party ponies and shrug nonchalantly.

They don't know how a human dances, Anon. Time to mix things up a little, wouldn't you agree?

I do brain. But you do realise...

What?

... that I am still going to kill off some more of your cells with alcohol for that 'martial arts' crap you pulled on me earlier.

Quickly ignoring your brain's protests and pleas, you begin strutting your stuff. If there's one thing you knew, it was dancing. You've been in enough clubs to know a few moves, as well as seen a ton of music videos. You start off with some MC Hammer, mostly because you've always wanted to try it.

And judging by the looks you are getting, you are pulling it off remarkably well. You follow up with some John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. A few of the ponies look at you in awe, especially the mares. You continue to not give a fuck as you finish with what you think is the killer move... the pelvic thrust.

You even throw in some spanking for good measure. A few mares swoon dreamily. Yeah, they can dream all they want, you're not going down that route just yet. You've only been here a few hours, and the first thing you want to do is get drunk.

You moonwalk off the dance floor to cheers and head for the bar. Vinyl is already there, looking at you with a large grin on her face. She holds up her hoof and you give her a high-five.

"Wow Anon," she says, "those were some sweet buckin' moves. And you certainly got everypony grooving."

She points towards the dance floor where several of the ponies are attempting to copy what you did, with varying results.

"As a reward for bringing the house down, the drinks are on me tonight. But you've gotta show me how you did that."

You nod and order a drink. The bartender eyes you warily as he passes you a mug filled with a light brown liquid. You take a sip and realise that it's cider. Pretty weak cider, but cider nonetheless.

"So Anon," Vinyl asks, "how did you get here?"

You explain to her everything that you remember. The wedding, the fangirl, getting thrown into a wall, cracking your head open, skipping the hospital in favour of fixing it yourself, going to bed and then falling into the forest. Even though it's happened you still feel like its clichéd somehow. The whole thing reads like a bad story.

"You're a DJ, huh?" Vinyl seems intrigued. "What kind of music do you mix? I'll remix anything to sound cool, even that snooty classical crap they play in Canterlot. My friend Octavia hates it when I do that. She says it 'ruins the peace and sanctity of the classical genre'."

"When I say I'm a DJ," you reply, "I mean I just change tracks on a turntable at weddings and nightclubs. I don't do any remixing at all. Hell, I don't know the first thing about half the stuff you do."

Vinyl cocks her head at you disbelievingly.

"Are you serious?" she says. "You don't know anything about being a DJ, yet you claim to be one? Maybe you're not as cool as I think you are. But we can fix that. Stick with me, and I'll show you how a proper DJ does things around here."

"What are you saying?" you ask.

"I'm saying," Vinyl takes a swig of cider, "that you are now my new student in the art of the DJ. Welcome aboard, Anon!"

She slams down the rest of her cider and orders another while you sit and process what she just said.

She barely knows you, yet she's just offered you a job. This pony is either very trusting, or downright crazy. Ten bucks says its the latter. But what do you think, Anon?

Well, it's not like I've got anything else to do here. And who knows? Maybe I could learn a thing or two for when... and if... I get back.

That's the spirit!

No it's not... this is the spirit!

You swig down the rest of your cider and order some shots. Time to keep your promise to your brain and kill some more of its cells with precious liquor. And if you happen to celebrate your new job along the way, then that's fine too.

***

NEVER. AGAIN.

You mutter that to yourself as the early morning sun obliterates what little sight you had left. You couldn't help but think that it was much brighter than it should be, but then you remembered that you're in a whole new place now. A truly joyous and wonderful land full of talking ponies... one of whom is in the bed with you.

HOLY CRAP IT'S VINYL.

Brain?

fhsjfhsfsgagg...

BRAIN!

Huh? Oh, morning Anon. I'm fine, despite your efforts. Thanks for asking... prick.

Never mind that! What happened last night? Why is Vinyl in the bed with us?

Because you didn't have anywhere else to go, so she said we could crash with her. Don't worry man, you didn't stick it in her. You may be a callous bastard, but I was still watching out for you.

Thank fuck for that.

No, you mean thank me for not fucking.

You let out a massive sigh of relief and get out of the bed. The sudden movement wakes up Vinyl, who snorts and looks around the room sullenly before noticing you.

"Morning Anon," she says coyly, "we certainly rocked the house last night, didn't we?"

Your eyes widen as you contemplate that your brain just lied to you about not sleeping with her. She sees the horrified expression on your face and bursts out laughing.

"Haha, relax dude! Nothing happened. I may be known as a wild party animal, but I still have my limits. No bucking on the first date, everypony knows that!"

She gives you a sly wink gets up, while you mentally flagellate yourself for getting so wasted you could have fucked a horse.

Pony.

Oh fuck off brain, it's too early in the morning for your crap.

"So..." you ask hesitantly, "... what's on the agenda for today? Surely word has spread of my arrival by now?"

Vinyl nods.

"Yeah there's some reporters here to see you, wanting to ask a few questions about what you are, how you got here, all that crap. And when they're done, the Royal Guard want to haul you away to meet the princesses."

You nod as well.

"Okay, I can deal with reporters. I've had plenty of experience in that field, especially after a fight broke out. Now, as for the princesses... wait, princesses?!"

"Uh yeah," Vinyl replies, "Princesses Celestia and Luna want to see you. They're as intrigued as anypony else about the new species that's arrived in town. Say, that reminds me... what the buck is your species, anyway?"

"Human." you reply meekly.

Vinyl makes an 'oh' with her mouth and heads into the bathroom. You soon hear the sound of running water, but all that you can really think about is your upcoming meeting with royalty. To say that you are bricking it would be an understatement.

Ho-ho, sucks to be you Anon! You're about to meet royalty and you reek of sweat and booze! Not exactly the best way to make a first impression, wouldn't you agree?

Vinyl exits the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her mane. She stops and observes you having your moment of clarity before giggling at the gormless expression on your face. You snap out of it and turn to glare at her.

"What's wrong Anon?" she asks, "Are you worried about your meeting with the princesses? Relax, dude! They're the best ponies ever! Especially Luna, she's a real party freak. She loves the fact that ponies like me don't sleep."

"It's not them I'm worried about," you reply, "it's me. I've only got these clothes, and I smell like sweat and booze. I need a shower and a change of clothes, in that order."

"Sure, no problem." Vinyl says. "You can use my shower, and I'll get your clothes washed. Problems solved."

"Thanks." you mumble as you walk into the bathroom. Despite her small size, Vinyl's shower easily looks like it could support you without you having to bend over. You guess that owning a nightclub is more lucrative a venture than you thought.

You whip off all your clothes and step into the shower. You turn the water on and let it caress your body. Letting out a contented sigh, you begin the process of making yourself clean... just as the door swings open and Vinyl walks in.

"Vinyl!" you screech, covering yourself as best you can. "What the hell are you doing? I'm showering here!"

Vinyl rolls her eyes as her horn glows. Your clothes are suddenly lifted into the air in front of her face.

"Well it's kinda hard to wash your clothes," she replies, "if I don't have them. Besides, why are you so worried? In case you hadn't noticed, nopony around here really wears clothes."

"Well humans do," you shoot back, "and we really value our privacy when we're showering. Could you at least knock next time?"

"You're forgetting Anon," Vinyl laughs, "that it's my shower. I'll do whatever the buck I want."

With those words she leaves the room. You sigh and continue washing yourself in preparation for your meeting.

***

Well that was a complete load.

Agreed.

You have just finished being interrogated by a gang of reporters. Your voice is hoarse from answering their endless barrage of questions, you've got a ringing in your ears from the constant yelling, and you've nearly gone blind from all the camera flashes.

But at least it's over, and there's just the princesses to worry about. You've never even met human royalty before, yet here you are about to meet pony royalty. And to top it all off, these two princesses apparently rule the entire country.

So pissing them off is a definite no-no.

You take a drink of water to soothe your aching throat. Out of the corner of one eye, you can see Vinyl snickering at you. You roll your eyes at her and finish drinking before finally turning to address what it is she finds so funny.

"You handled that pretty well Anon," she sniggers, "though I honestly thought you were going to crack at some point."

You sigh.

"I was close." you reply, "but you're right, I did handle it pretty well. But the questions! Fucking hell, and I thought the media back home were relentless bastards."

Vinyl laughs some more at your expense. You'd be annoyed if she wasn't the one who gave your sorry ass both a place to stay and a new job, which you are really looking forward to starting.

"Are we gonna get going or not?" you ask. "I don't want to be late for my meeting with these princesses."

"I already told you Anon," Vinyl replies, "that they'll have sent the Royal Guard to come and get you."

You look at her pleadingly.

"Can you come with me?" you put on your best puppy dog eyes, which only makes Vinyl laugh some more. "Come on, I could use an ally in all this, and you're the closest one I have to a friend."

Vinyl stops laughing and looks at you. She rubs the back of her head with a hoof.

"As awesome as that is," she says sheepishly, "I can't come with you. I wouldn't be allowed in. You're on your own, dude."

"Damn."

"Don't worry Anon," she soothes, "I'm sure you'll be fine. Though if you end up on the moon, be sure to send me a postcard."

She grins at you as a knock on the door attracts her attention. Silver, one of the stallions you met yesterday, comes in. He nods at you — a gesture you return — before addressing Vinyl.

"There's a couple of Royal Guards here, Vinyl." Silver says. "They're here to collect Anon and take him to Canterlot."

You stand up.

"All right then," you say, "let's get this over with."

The Meeting

CHAPTER THREE

The Meeting

- ANON'S POV -

The train pulls into the station slowly, the piercing whistle jolting you from your peaceful slumber. You rub your eyes and peer out of the window... into the face of a stern-looking unicorn stallion wearing a set of armour and brandishing a rather large spear. It's at least twice his size, but the way he's holding it tells you that he'll have no problems providing you with a few new holes, should the need arise. Which it won't, but you're not going to tell him that.

The two guards who picked you up from Vinyl's place are with you. They salute the guard with the spear and address him.

"Captain Shining Armour," one of them says, "this is the new arrival we were sent to pick up. We apologise for our lateness, but it would seem that our guest here is afraid of heights."

So I had a panic attack in the chariot. Big deal.

Is that what you call screaming like a banshee and trying to get out of the chariot while it was a few thousand feet above the ground?

Shut it, you.

The unicorn you now know to be called Shining Armour returns the salute and dismisses the guards with a wave of his hoof. He then turns his attention to you.

"We wouldn't even have been aware of your existence," he says flatly, "were it not the fact everypony is talking about your little exhibition at the club last night."

You give him your most suave grin.

"I aim to please." you reply. "If I made everyo— everypony's night, then that's great. But in the meantime, I would just like to get this meeting with your Princesses out of the way."

Shining Armour nods at you and starts walking. You follow him, the guards watching your every move. The wall of spears at your back has you too afraid to even scratch your nose. Well that, and the stares you are getting from all the ponies in the street. You don't even want to blink for fear of starting a panic.

You soon arrive at a castle. Or is it a palace? You're not quite sure. Whatever it is, it's enormous. Ornate design, golden-topped spires... you can't think of any other ways to describe it except as an architect's wet dream.

You are led through a series of double doors emblazoned with a sun on one side and a moon on the other. You assume that they are some kind of royal insignia. As another set of doors opens, you catch sight of two ponies sitting at the other end of the room.

As you get closer you see that not only are they bigger than the other ponies (in fact they're nearly as tall as you are), but they are in possession of both wings and a horn. These must be the princesses you are here to meet.

You need to make a good impression. Kneel, damn it!

You get down on one knee and lower your head to look at the ground, focusing on a really interesting-looking crack.

Fucking hell Anon, you look like you're about to propose!

"Please rise," a gentle voice commands, "there is no need for such formalities here. We simply wish to speak with you."

You stand up and look at the princesses. One is white, the other is a dark blue. The white one is somewhat taller than the blue one, and they both have manes with seem to flow on their own. You also notice the sun and moon emblems from the doors on their flanks.

Eyes up, pervert.

"Greetings, visitor." the white one says. "I am Princess Celestia, and this is my sister Luna. We are the rulers of Equestria. Please, introduce yourself and regale us with the tale of how you got here."

"My name is Anonymous," you reply, "but you can call me Anon for short. As for how I got here... well it's a rather strange story."

A story you then tell them. By the time you are done, Celestia has a raised eyebrow and Luna looks ready to explode into laughter.

"That was... quite a tale Anon," Celestia says, "but I am pleased that you have managed to adjust well to the situation."

"As are we!" Luna says. "We always admire those who appreciate our night as a thing to be enjoyed. Vinyl Scratch is a good friend of mine, and we are pleased that she hast taken thou underhoof."

What. The. Fuck. Why is she talking like that? She sounds like one of those wankers you see at a Medieval Faire.

Maybe it's a royal thing. Just be cool.

"Thank you for the welcome, your majesties," you say with another bow thrown in for good measure, "I only wish to live in peace. I bear no ill intent towards you or any of your subjects."

Okay good. Now ask her about going home.

Nah. I want to stay here and learn how to be a proper DJ.

You can do that in our own world!

Yeah, but will it be for free and will the tutor be an awesome unicorn who lets me live in their house?

Okay Anon, point taken. Better say something though, the princesses are giving you odd looks.

"Art thou okay, Anon?" Luna says. "Thou seems to be lost in a world of thy own."

"Apologies your highness," you reply, "but I was merely thinking about something. Am I right in assuming that there is no way for me to return to my own world?"

The princesses look at each other awkwardly. Eventually they look back towards you and nod solemnly.

"You assume correct Anon," Celestia says, "we have no way of getting you home. Inter-dimensional travel isn't exactly something we are capable of. Sorry."

"You have nothing to apologise for," you say with a raised hand, "except maybe for caring too much. If you'll have me, I will gladly call Equestria my new home."

Luna gives you a small smile while Celestia nods.

"That would be fine." Luna says. "We welcome you to our fair country and hope that thou lives a peaceful life."

Seriously Anon, you've got to ask her about that.

"Do you have any idea what you are going to do now?" Celestia asks you. "I assume you have some ideas?"

You rub your chin in thought.

"Well," you reply, "Vinyl Scratch has been kind enough to offer me both a place to stay and a job as her apprentice. I will take her up on those and do my part to provide entertainment for the ponies who like nothing better than to kick back and party every night."

"They art my kind of ponies." Luna says. "To see that our subjects have come to embrace my night is truly wonderful, especially after my long exile."

Exile? *snort* What did she do, speak proper English?

"I'm a real fan of the night as well." you say, steering the subject back on track. "I have spent much of my adult life in nightclubs, dancing the night away. The night is when all the real fun begins."

Luna gazes at you with her soft teal eyes, her small smile growing to a much larger one. She must really like party animals.

Hey Anon, it's your pancreas.

What's up?

Is there any chance you could get her to stop doing that? It's proving to be a huge drain on your insulin reserves.

"I'm guessing you are a fan of the night as well, Princess Luna?" you ask, desperately trying to snap her out of it. Thankfully it works, and she stops gazing at you.

"We are not just a mere fan of the night dear Anon," she replies, "because we are the night."

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na...

"I beg your pardon," you respond, "but could you elaborate on that please? I'm afraid I don't quite understand."

What's not to understand? She's Batman. Or Batmare, whatever.

"My sister and myself are both responsible for bringing about the cycle of day and night." Luna explains. "Celestia raises the sun while it is my responsibility to raise the moon."

Oh shit. She's not Batmare... she's a fucking goddess!

"How interesting," you reply, "that's not how it works where I come from. The sun and the moon both raise themselves."

Both princesses look at you with confused expressions. You realise what they're going to ask and quickly raise a hand.

"Please don't ask me to explain how," you say quickly, "because it is well outwith my area of knowledge. I'm a DJ, not a scientist."

The princesses look dismayed at this but nod nonetheless.

"Well Anon," Celestia says, "both my sister and I are happy that you're not a threat. You are free to return to Ponyville. You will receive your citizenship papers in the next few days."

You smile warmly.

"Thank you your majesties," you reply, "for letting me stay here. Now, if you would be so kind as to tell me where the train station is, I will be on my way."

"Sorry Anon," Celestia says, "but there is only one train a day between Canterlot and Ponyville. So unless you want to wait, there is only one other way back..."

- VINYL'S POV -

It's been a couple of hours since the Royal Guard dragged Anon to Canterlot. And a couple of hours since you started worrying.

Though to be honest... what is there to worry about? The Princesses are both cool, so they should see that Anon is too. You laugh at the thought. He's not even been here for a full twenty-four hours, and already you've given him a job and a place to stay.

Having an apprentice is going to be bucking cool, though. Somepony to pass on your knowledge to, hang out with and raise the roof at gigs. Not only that, but an apprentice can do menial crap as well — like bringing you your aspirin in the morning and making coffee. Lots of coffee.

You hear the familiar rattling of an approaching chariot and look out the window. Anon is in the back, looking much paler than he did before he left.

Oh buck, what in Tartarus happened up there? Were the princesses not cool with him? Is he being sent away? Is this him coming to say goodbye? Will you ever see him aga— oh Celestia, he just fell out of the bucking chariot!

You rush outside to see if he's okay. Bucking idiot...

- ANON'S POV -

You fall face-first out of the chariot as it lands and begin kissing the ground as if it were a long-lost lover. That was, without a doubt, much worse than the ride up to Canterlot. You just didn't feel safe in that damn thing. Never mind what the guards said about it being safe, next time you're waiting for the train.

"I actually came out to see if you were okay," a voice says, "but I can see that you're absolutely fine. Should I come back later?"

You look up and see that Vinyl is standing over you wearing a smirk on her face. You cough sheepishly and stand up.

"I'm just happy to be back on solid ground." you reply. "I don't care what anyone says, those things are a fucking death-trap."

Vinyl laughs.

"Yeah yeah," she says, "now forget that. What did the Princesses say? Are you getting exiled?"

"I hope not," you smile, "otherwise my citizenship papers will have been printed for nothing."

"No way!" Vinyl lets out a squee. "This is awesome! Come on then, roomie! Let's celebrate the start your new life!"

How the hell did she make that noise?

Who cares? Let's get drunk.

Whatever happened to 'never again'?

Well you lost a few cells when you fell out of the chariot, so you might as well kill off some more.

You grin and follow Vinyl into the club.

Today was a good day.

The Big Break

CHAPTER FOUR

The Big Break

Day 246 in Equestria.

You look out over the sea of ponies in front of you, all of them dancing like they were on fire. The music is thumping in your ears and you have a huge grin on your face. You throw up the horns, driving everypony into a frenzy. They begin chanting your name, stomping their hooves into the floor in raucous applause.

Vinyl comes up beside you, a grin similar in size to yours on her muzzle. She looks out at the customers enjoying themselves as you poke her the side with a finger. She looks around at you.

"I gotta hand it to ya Vinyl," you say, "you were right about this music of mine. I didn't know they'd eat it up."

You were referring to when she had found your mobile in your pocket a few months ago. After explaining to her what it was and how it was supposed to work (given the fact you couldn't exactly get a signal in Equestria), you opened up the MP3 player and showed her some of the dance music from Earth.

She had loved everything she heard, and had suggested that instead of her teaching you how to be a proper DJ like she was, you simply continued your old tradition of 'changing CDs'. Or MP3s in this case. You were sceptical of the idea, but Vinyl had persuaded you. Your first 'set' was a few months ago, and since then your popularity has skyrocketed. The fact that you've exhausted your supply of new tracks doesn't seem to phase the party-goers either. They are perfectly content to listen to the same stuff repeatedly.

Right now they are listening to some deadmau5. Vinyl nods her head in time to the beat as you tap your foot. The wave of euphoria is washing away everything in its path, and everypony welcomes it. The strong smell of sweat hangs in the air, indicating that the crowd is worked up. That, as far as you were concerned, was always a good thing. And Vinyl liked it too, mostly because sweaty dancers liked to spend a boatload of bits on drinks.

The music finally comes to an end, signalling with it the end of your set. The sea of ponies slows to a halt as the music fades. Some of them even look at you pleadingly, almost begging you to continue. You simply shake your head and grab the microphone.

"That's it from me tonight, everypony!" you say loudly, "I'll be back same time on Thursday night. In the meantime, I am leaving you in the capable hooves of Bass Drop. So continue to party hard, my fellow patrons of the night!"

They cheer wildly and you move over for your replacement, a rather portly stallion wearing a ridiculous pair of oversized sunglasses. Making your way to the bar you high-five everypony you meet and eventually take a seat next to Vinyl.

"Another awesome set Anon," she says as she passes you a cider, "you should be proud of yourself. Hell, even I'm proud of you."

"Oh wow," you reply sarcastically, "Vinyl Scratch is proud of me. My life is now complete and I can die a happy man."

You take a sip of your cider as Vinyl jabs you forcefully in the side with a forehoof, causing you to nearly choke with laughter. Thankfully you prevent the loss of any of the amber nectar and quickly recover, chugging it down as fast as you can.

"Slow down there Anon," Vinyl says, "because it looks like you've got a fan. Stallion by the door is giving you a look."

You peer over the top of your glass. Sure enough, you lock eyes with a sea-green unicorn stallion. A small smile curls up his lips and he starts approaching you. Under the pulsing lights of the club you can make out his cutie mark, a treble clef and a treble bass which combine into the shape of a heart.

The stallion reaches you and nudges Vinyl aside. She falls off her stool with a small yelp and the stallion takes her place. From her position on the floor you hear Vinyl growling. You help her to her hooves and raise an eyebrow at the mystery stallion, who sticks a forehoof out. You shake it tentatively and he starts speaking.

"The name's Tech Beat," he says proudly, "the biggest producer in all of Equestria. I've been watching you very closely, DJ Anon, and I have to admit that I'm impressed. You've got the potential to make the big leagues, and I want to help you get there."

"I'm not sure I understand what you're on about," you reply, "so could you possibly elaborate?"

"I said," Tech Beat groans, "that I'm a producer. I want to sign you to my label, Anon, and make you a very rich stall— man indeed."

You stand in silence for a moment.

Processing... one hundred percent complete. Anon, he's just offered you a job as a high-level DJ!

"Wow," you reply, "this is... unexpected. Sure it's my dream and all, but it seems a bit sudden."

Tech Beat sighs.

"Do you really want to spend the rest of your life playing your music in this place for a measly few hundred ponies every week?" he says, "Or would you rather take your music all over Equestria and wow crowds of thousands?"

You glance over at Vinyl. She did help you get to this point, so it's only fair that you ask for her opi— okay, she's grinning from ear to ear while rubbing her forehooves together in anticipation. That tells you all you need to know. She wants you to go ahead with this.

"All right," you say, "I'll take you up on your offer. When and where do I meet you so we can discuss a contract?"

"A contract?" Tech Beat puts a hoof to his chin, "Yes, I guess one is required. Very well, I'm currently staying at the Ponyville Express Inn on Saddle Avenue. Meet me in Room 258 tomorrow at ten. We can discuss the details then."

You nod and shake his hoof as he gets off the stool. Vinyl promptly reclaims her place as Tech Beat goes towards the door.

"Enjoy the rest of your evening Anon," he says, "and I hope that this meeting marks the start of a glorious career."

You grin and raise your glass to him. He grins back before trotting out of the club. As soon as he gets out of sight, Vinyl wraps her forehooves around your neck.

"This is bucking amazing dude!" she squeals, "You're gonna be huge, I just know it! Come on, we've gotta celebrate!"

"Slow down Vinyl," you pry her off you and set her back on her stool, "I haven't even negotiated the contract yet, let alone signed it. Let's just take this as it comes, okay?"

"Fine," Vinyl pouts, "but when you do sign it—"

"If I sign it." you interrupt, "Tech Beat and I might not agree on the details of my new job."

"When you sign it," Vinyl asserts, "you and I are gonna party like it's going out of fashion."

"Sure Vinyl," you reply, "whatever you say."

***

You glance at your watch, which reports the time to be a little ways past eleven. With a sigh, you reach once again for the newspaper lying on the table. Perhaps reading it for the hundredth time will alleviate the soul-crushing boredom.

You had arrived at the Ponyville Express Inn a few minutes before ten, only to be told that Tech Beat was out. The receptionist invited you to wait so you did, thinking that maybe he was away for his breakfast or something.

One hour later and you're still waiting. Either he's a big eater, or his watch is an hour slow. You're guessing the latter. You grumble to yourself as you read the paper. The front page article is about the Crystal Empire winning the right to host the Equestria Games. Everypony is pissing themselves with glee at the prospect.

"Ah yes," a voice says, "the Equestria Games. Play your cards right Anon, and you could be performing there."

You fold the paper over and glance over it to see Tech Beat smiling back at you. He glances at the clock and coughs sheepishly.

"Sorry," he said, "I just had some paperwork to send away at the post office. I swear, the mare who works there is a bit clumsy at times. I had to repeat myself several times before she finally realised where I was sending the papers to."

You know how he feels. After all, Derpy isn't exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer. You put the paper down on the table and follow Tech Beat up to his room. The room contains a small bed, a dresser drawer, a desk and a medium-sized wardrobe.

At Tech Beat's invitation you take a seat — on the floor. Stupid pony-sized chairs. Tech Beat sits down opposite you and exhales.

"Okay then Anon," he says, "let's get you started on the road to wealth and power..."

Author's Note

About damn time I updated this. Finding an OC was harder than I thought.

Speaking of OCs, Tech Beat belongs to listener and is used with permission.

'Bass Drop' was a name I came up with on the spot.

The Vinyl Equation - Part Two

A/N: Vinyl thinks in this colour, while her brain thinks in this colour.

CHAPTER SIX

The Vinyl Equation - Part Two

- ANON'S POV -

You awaken to a warm feeling on your face, most likely sunlight. With a groan you try to sit up, only to fall flat on your back again. The sound of tutting reaches your ears, followed by hoofsteps.

"I told you she was trouble," a voice says, "but did you listen to me? No, of course you didn't. Now she's bucked things up for you in more ways than once. Not only has she broken your leg, she's also ruined your one and only chance to play at the Equestria Games."

You open your eyes and manage to make out Tech Beat standing next to the bed with an 'I told you so' look on his face. You let out a sigh and try to sit up, summoning whatever strength you could from your pasty arms. You finally manage it and snort triumphantly before finally addressing Tech Beat.

"How long have I been out," you ask, "what the hell happened, and where's Vinyl?"

"Four days," Tech Beat replies, "and I can answer your other two questions at once. Vinyl Scratch got drunk and jumped on you just as you were about to start your gig. She has been arrested and is now being held at the guard station. But she's not important. What is important, Anon, is the fact that your career is over. I told you that Vinyl was an obstacle, but you refused to believe me."

"Vinyl would never hurt me intentionally," you snap, "because I know her. Something must be wrong if she's acting like this."

"Could you forget about her for one bucking second?!" Tech Beat snarls, "Don't you get it? She's ruined you, Anon! As long as you continue to associate yourself with her nopony will hire you!"

"I could just pretend to push her away." you suggest, "That way we can still be friends, and everypony will be will—"

"They'll find out," Tech Beat says flatly, "and when they do that'll be it. You'll be blackballed, and then I'll be forced to sue your flank off for breach of contract. After all, you signed a two-year deal, and it's not even been one year yet. Being blackballed means that you violated our agreement. So I would be well within my rights to take you for every bit you've got, and then some. And if you can't afford to pay me then I get to decide what to do. Chances are I'll just have you thrown in prison."

"So basically," you growl, "I've got no choice but to ditch Vinyl as my friend? It's either that or get sued and jailed?"

"Pretty much," Tech Beat grins, "but that's just how this business works. It's nothing personal, I'm just protecting my interests."

"You're a bastard." you spit, "A cold, calculating bastard."

Tech Beat rolls his eyes and turns to leave.

"I'll have Miss Scratch brought in to see you later." he says, "You might want to practice what you're going to say. But do me a favour, and make it sound like it's your idea?"

He leaves the room, leaving you to your thoughts.

That guy... is a complete and total prick.

My sentiments exactly.

So... what the hell are you going to do? You can't just abandon Vinyl after everything that she's done for you!

You heard Tech Beat, I've got no choice but to ditch her.

You always have a choice, Anon.

Okay, how about I let Vinyl explain herself and then decide what to do? Does that sound fair?

Yes, it does. It would make sense to get her side of the story before you do anything you'll regret.

You nod to yourself and, with nothing else to do, fall asleep.

***

"A-anon?" a voice pulls you from the world of blissful sleep, "Tech Beat said you wanted to talk to me, so here I am."

You open your eyes and see Vinyl sitting on a chair, next to which stands a stone-faced Crystal Guard. Vinyl perks up as you open your eyes and stare at her.

"Don't mind him," she points at the guard, "he's just here to keep an eye on me since I'm still under arrest."

She drops her head and removes her goggles before wiping her eyes with a forehoof.

"I'm sorry Anon," she says meekly, "I really am. I didn't plan any of this. It just... happened."

"Why, Vinyl?" you ask bluntly, "Why did it happen?"

She stutters for a moment, unable to find the right words. You sigh and roll your eyes.

"You do know," you say, "that Tech Beat wants me to ditch you as a friend because of this? He reckons you're just using me to make yourself look better."

Vinyl's mouth hangs open as she stares at you in shock.

"T-that's not true!" she splutters, "I'm not 'using' you! Where does that plothead get off spouting that crap about me?! Why I ought—"

"If you're not using me," you interrupt, "then why did you crash my set the other day? Something isn't right with you, Vinyl, and I'm worried. Help me to help you, and just tell me already."

Vinyl flattens her ears against her head and gulps. She looks at you with worry written all over her face.

"You can't help me," she whispers, "not this time. Because the thing is..."

She trails off and you motion for her to continue. She furrows her brow and looks you right in the eyes, the same way she did on the day the two of you met. Once again you get the feeling that she's gazing deep into your soul.

"The thing is..." Vinyl continues, "I love you, Anon. And not in the same way as those drunken mares who always hit on you. I mean in the sense of wanting to be with you for the rest of my life."

You stare back at her completely dumbfounded while you process what she just said. And then, with all the speed of a coked-up blue hedgehog, you go from feeling dumbfounded... to furious.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Vinyl?!" you explode, "You know how I feel about being in a relationship with a pony, and you've got the nerve to spring this on me? Your actions ruined my career and you decide to blame them on feelings of love?!"

Vinyl is stunned by your outburst. She struggles to reply but you're having none of it. You look at the guard.

"Get her out of here this instant," you say to him, "before I do something I might regret."

You turn to Vinyl.

"Some friend you are, Vinyl," you snarl, "toying with my emotions like this. Maybe if you had talked to me sooner none of this would have happened and I could have talked you out of loving me. But no, you had to royally fuck things up. Just... just get lost."

Sniffling, Vinyl puts her goggles back on and allows the guard to escort her from the room. As they leave, Tech Beat comes back in with a neutral expression on his face. You see him enter and sigh.

"I heard everything." he says, "I take it this means you and Miss Scratch are no longer friends?"

"Yes," you reply, "we're through. I can't believe she ruined everything simply because she has misguided feelings for me."

Tech Beat walks over to the bed and pats you on the shoulder in a comforting gesture.

"Don't worry about that." he says, "For now, just wonder about how you're going to get your career back on track. With Vinyl out of the way the Equestria Games committee might be willing to give you another chance. There's still a chance you can play this gig, Anon."

"Good," you reply, "I need something to take my mind off Vinyl and the crap she's just pulled."

"Glad to hear it." Tech Beat says with a smile, "Now you just get some rest while I sort out your discharge papers."

As he leaves the room you glare angrily at the ceiling.

Looks like Vinyl made your decision for you, eh Anon?

Yeah she did... but was it worth it?

- VINYL'S POV -

I'm such an idiot.

That's all you can think of right now as you follow the guard back to the station and into your cell. As you sit on the bed you lament. You poured your heart out to Anon, only for him to throw it back in your face and denounce you as his friend.

You should have realised he wouldn't exactly be happy with the sudden declaration. You know how he feels about this sort of thing.

Well pardon me for thinking that he might change his attitude if I told him how I felt. We're friends, for Celestia's sake!

Correction, you were friends.

You sigh. Your brain was right, and you knew it. You had just thrown away a perfectly good friendship, and possibly ruined Anon's career, with your actions. So to say you were feeling shitty would be the biggest understatement of the millennium.

You lie on the makeshift bed and stare blankly at the ceiling. You soon find yourself falling asleep and gladly welcome it.

Today was a bad day.

Anon's Lament

CHAPTER SEVEN

Anon's Lament

Day 584 in Equestria.

Six days ago, you were preparing to do your biggest gig ever at the Equestria Games. But then something ruined it — that something being the white unicorn who is watching wordlessly as you gather your belongings and throw them into a box. You spent six days in the hospital, where you learned that said unicorn only did what she did because she was in love with you — despite knowing how you feel about the idea of a relationship with a pony. Needless to say, this infuriated you, and you angrily denounced your friendship.

Yet now, as Vinyl watches you pack, you can't help but feel a little guilty for overreacting the way you did. After all, this is the same unicorn who gave you a job and a place to stay the very moment she met you. And you threw it all in her face just so you could further your career.

But you also know that if you were to stay friends with Vinyl then your career would grind to a halt, and you would be sued by your manager-slash-producer Tech Beat — who made it abundantly clear that he would have your sorry ass thrown in jail if you were unable to pay him all the money he'd demand.

Conflicting emotions whirl around your brain as you continue packing, neither you or Vinyl saying anything. Every now and again you catch her looking at you — only for her to turn away with her ears flattened against her head, fearing another angry outburst.

You finish packing the box and pick it up with both hands. With a final glance towards Vinyl you leave. You don't get far before your ears pick up her crying. Ignoring it you pick up the pace and head for the station in order to catch the last train to Canterlot.

***

Sleep usually comes easy to you, although tonight seems to be the exception. You've been going through what-if scenarios since you arrived back at your new apartment.

What if Vinyl didn't get drunk that night?

What if Vinyl had talked to you sooner?

What if you did want a relationship with a pony?

For several hours you struggled to sleep as these thoughts rampaged through your head like Pinkie Pie in a sweet factory. Yet when you thought it was all over, your brain decides to come up with another route you could take.

What if you love her too, but are simply too stupid to realise it?

What? Don't be ridiculous!

All right then, I guess we're going to be doing this the hard way. Time to analyse the facts, Anon!

The only fact here is the fact that I am not in love with V—

SHUT. UP. Now, fact one: The fact that she helped you out when you got here. She didn't even care about the fact you were not from Equestria, yet she jumped at the chance to get to know you, as well as provide a place to live and eventually a job.

So? That doesn't mean I love her.

Fact two: You both love music, partying and getting drunk.

That still doesn't me—

Fact three: You've been making tons of cash since you signed that contract, yet she hasn't asked you to repay her for her kindness.

...

Fact four: It was her idea to sign the contract in the first place. If it wasn't for her insistence, Anon, you wouldn't be who you are.

...

And finally, fact five: You've been thinking about forgiving her for what happened in the Crystal Empire, even if that means jeopardising your career or ending up in jail. That just shows how much you want to be with her.

Yeah, as a friend. I miss being around her, you know? Her craziness, her ability to make me laugh, the way she laughs, that soft blue mane, those beautiful red eyes... oh God.

There it is.

Y-you're right. All this time I've been freaked out over the idea of being with a pony because of all the drunken mares who hit on me. Yet the perfect one was always there in front of me.

And now you've fucked up any chance of ever being with her. So, Anon, what are you gonna do to fix this?

You bury your head in your hands.

I don't know. I just... don't know.

I'll let you sleep on it. Who knows? You might get an idea.

With your brain's permission, you finally enter the land of Nod.

***

You find yourself in a small room. There are no furnishings, just four plain white walls, a ceiling and a door. You don't know how you got here, all you care about is leaving. As you approach the door it seems to move away from you. You break into a run to try and catch it, but it's no use. You feel like you're simply running on the spot and not getting anywhere.

At the same time, however, you don't feel tired or sore. You stare at the door for a moment, willing it to open. To your surprise it does, and you try to leave the room. You groan as the door moves away from you again, only to gasp when a dark mist enters.

You stand frozen to the spot as the mist coalesces in front of you to reveal Princess Luna. You have no idea what is going on, and the look on your face shows it. Luna smiles warmly and addresses you.

"Thou have nothing to fear from us, Anon," she says, "for we only wish to speak with thee."

Okay Brain, you can stop this now. Why are you making me dream about Luna all of a sudden?

"Our presence here is not the result of thy subconscious." Luna interjects, "As Princess of the Night, it is our duty to look into the dreams of our subjects, and help them as we see fit. And we can see that thou, Anon, art suffering."

"Me, suffering?" you snort, "No way, Princess, I'm fine."

Luna raises an eyebrow at you.

"Art thou sure?" she says wryly, "Because we are certain that thou art conflicted for thy emotions concerning Vinyl Scratch. Thou sees her as a friend, yet she sees thou as more. Thy morals interfere with thy heart's desire, Anonymous. We are here to help."

"How do you know about that?" you say defensively, "Nopony should know what's going on between Vinyl and I!"

Luna sighs.

"We heard about what occurred in the Crystal Empire," she replies, "and given that Vinyl Scratch is a friend of ours, we felt the need to see that she was okay. I entered her dreams to find that thou art their primary subject. She had a strong wish for the two of you to be together, yet after your outburst she is now unsure. If thou truly feels the same way, we advise thee to act on thy feelings."

Now it's your turn to sigh.

"But I was a jackass," you moan, "so she won't want to talk to me."

Luna scoffs.

"Thou will not know until thou tries." she says, "And when thou dost, we think you will be surprised."

"But what about my career?" you ask, "If I end up with Vinyl I'm going to get my ass sued off and probably even thrown in jail. It's not a risk I'm willing to take."

This was not a good thing to say, given how Luna responds.

"IF THOU ART NOT WILLING TO SACRIFICE THY CAREER TO SAVE THY FRIENDSHIP," she bellows, "THEN MAYBE THOU DOST NOT DESERVE EITHER! HOW DARE THEE ASSUME THAT THOU KNOWST BETTER THAN THY PRINCESS!"

Whoa fuck me, that's loud!

404 eardrums not found.

"All right, all right!" you say quickly, "If it means ending up in jail or penniless then I'll do it... anything to be with Vinyl again."

This placates the angry Luna and she calms down, ruffling her wings again. Whether it's due to annoyance or an itch you can't tell.

"We are pleased that thou hast seen reason." she says sweetly, "I shalt leave thee to thy sleep now Anonymous. Rest well, for thou hast a big day ahead of thee."

With a flash of light Luna – and the room – are gone.

***

You wake up to both the sound of rain falling against the window and the sound of somepony knocking on your door. You grumble to yourself and crawl out of bed, making sure to put on some trousers. After a quick stretch you walk over to the door and peer through the spyhole. Tech Beat is on the other side, swaying back and forward on his hooves while whistling a tune.

You unlock the door and open it.

"Good morning, Anon," Tech Beat says, "did you sleep well?"

"Not really," you reply, "I had a rough night."

"How unfortunate." Tech Beat mutters, "Anyway, I just came by to drop off the details of your next gig. It would seem that the organisers of the Grand Galloping Gala have finally realised how bucking boring it can be, and have requested that you play a set."

"Sounds fun." you reply sarcastically, "When is it?"

"Next Thursday at 8pm at the palace in Canterlot," Tech Beat says, "though you'll have to be there by six in order to prepare."

You make a mental note of this and nod. Tech Beat looks you up and down before smiling.

"This 'rough night'," he queries nonchalantly, "it wouldn't have anything to do with Miss Scratch now, would it?"

"You can stop me seeing her," you snarl, "but you can't stop me thinking about her."

"Whoa, easy tiger." Tech Beat says defensively, "I know you're still upset about that, but I keep telling you its for the best. When you get the cheque for this Gala business you'll wonder why I didn't tell you to ditch Vinyl sooner."

You resist the urge to throttle the arrogant bastard and instead nod. Tech Beat chuckles and leaves.

"I'll leave you to yourself now," he says, "but remember to be at the palace by next Thursday at six!"

"I'll be there!" you shut the door before adding, "Prick."

Well, Anon, what are you gonna do now?

Go back to bed, that's what.

What about talking to Vinyl?

... I'll get this Gala crap out of the way first. Hopefully it will provide enough bits to pay Tech Beat with when he sues me.

Good plan.

You get back into bed.

Today will be a lazy day.

Author's Note

The next chapter will be called Vinyl's Lament, but she won't be talking to Luna. Instead she'll be talking to Octavia, who will offer up her own sagely advice. So there won't be a long-ass discussion between Vinyl and her brain.

Just a few more chapters before this is all over!

Also, I might have made a few mistakes with Luna's speech. Ordinarily when I write Luna she's talking normally. This is the first time I've had her speaking in Ye Olde Equestrian so if there any mistakes with her speech, let me know and I will fix them ASAP.

Vinyl's Lament

CHAPTER EIGHT

Vinyl's Lament

You are Vinyl Scratch.

And filly, you are in a world of pain. All of this stuff going on with Anon has left you physically and emotionally drained. You've not touched a drop of alcohol since the incident in the Crystal Empire — or, as it's more commonly known, the Night You Bucked Up.

But you can't help how you feel about him. He's a great guy – something you've known since you met him – and you feel that the two of you are made for each other. It's just a pity he doesn't agree with you. But you're not one for giving up, oh no.

You can still dream about being with Anon even if he is unwilling to reciprocate your love. You could have sworn you've seen Princess Luna in a couple of your dreams, but you probably just imagined it. Love makes a mare see – and do – silly things.

"Vinyl?"

You've been racking your brain trying to figure out ways to make Anon see that the two of you belong together. But your brain doesn't seem willing to come up with any ideas. All you can think of is Anon's body pressed against yours as he—

"VINYL!"

Somepony shouting your name pulls you back into the realm of cognitive thinking. You look around and find yourself looking at a grey Earth pony mare, who is looking at you concernedly.

"For a minute there," she says dryly, "I thought you were dead. Is a life of partying finally catching up with you?"

"Sorry, Octavia," you reply, "I was lost in my thoughts."

Octavia sits down next to you, the concern on her face even more apparent than it was before.

"Okay," she says, "now I know something is wrong with you. You just called me 'Octavia'. Not 'Octy' or 'Tavi', but 'Octavia'."

You don't reply. Octavia sighs and places a hoof on your shoulder.

"What's wrong, Vinyl?" she asks gently, "Does this have something to do with your friend Anon? Are you still worrying about what happened in the Crystal Empire?"

You shake your head.

"Look, Vinyl," Octavia continues, "I know you and I don't exactly see eye-to-eye when it comes to music, but I still consider you to be a friend of mine. So please... tell me what's wrong."

That's all you needed to hear. You burst into tears and wrap your forelegs around Octavia's neck. She seems surprised at first, but returns the gesture and allows you to cry into her coat. Five minutes pass by, though to you it feels like five hours, and you eventually manage to compose yourself. Pulling back from Octavia you smile sheepishly and sniffle pathetically.

"Wow," Octavia mutters, "you must have some serious issues. Come on, tell me what's wrong."

With a deep breath you launch into the whole story, starting from the day you met Anon. You go on to talk about your feelings for him growing, the day Tech Beat turned up at the club, the Crystal Empire incident, telling Anon you loved him, his furious denouncement of your friendship and then him moving out.

By the time you are finished you feel like crying again. Octavia passes you a tissue and you blow your nose into it.

"I'm so sorry, Vinyl," she said, "I had no idea you felt like that. In fact, I didn't even know you felt anything."

She smiles to let you know she's joking and you chuckle weakly. You bury your head in your forehooves and sigh.

"What the buck am I supposed to do, Octavia?" you say, "I can't be with Anon, yet I can't forget about him either."

"From the sounds of it," Octavia replies, "Anon is simply confused about his own feelings. Give him time to think and he might end up surprising you."

You snort derisively.

"Yeah," you sarcastically reply, "and on that day I will become an alicorn just like Twilight Sparkle."

Octavia sighs and rolls her eyes.

"Sorry," you mutter, "I shouldn't be dropping my problems on you like this. Thanks for listening, Octavia. It's good to know that I still have one friend in my life."

Octavia smiles and pats you on the back.

"Don't mention it, Vinyl," she replies, "I'm happy to help. And who knows? Perhaps one day I will come to you for advice."

"And on that day," you crack a smile, "we'll both become alicorns."

You chuckle at your own joke and Octavia soon joins you. You sigh contentedly, happy to be in good company.

"So, Octavia," you say, "you've heard what's going on with me, but what about you? I take it you're preparing for your performance at the Grand Galloping Gala next week?"

Octavia glances around the room and rubs a foreleg nervously, seemingly unable to look at you.

"My ensemble isn't playing at the Gala this year." she says quietly, "Apparently the organisers have decided that we are 'too boring', and have given the entertainment contract to somepony else."

"Who?" you reply in shock, "It's not that pony who ruined it for you last year, is it? Pinkie Pie I think her name is."

Octavia shakes her head.

"No..." she sighs, "I didn't want to tell you, but since you're probably going to read about it in the papers tomorrow..."

"Octavia..." you say firmly, "who's the jerk that's taking your spotlight away from you?"

Octavia looks you dead in the face.

"Anon." she replies, "They gave the job to Anon."

You stare at her blankly for a moment before replying.

"Oh," you say, "I'm sorry to hear that."

Octavia waves a hoof dismissively.

"It's not your fault," she grumbles, "blame those brain-dead fools on the organisation committee. Ever since your kind of music became popular, more and more Canterlot ponies have come to accept it as the norm. I, however, am not one of them. No offence."

"None taken." you reply, "I'd feel the same way if dubstep was here first and then classical came along."

"I know that you always get a ticket to the Gala," Octavia muses, "but now that you know Anon is going to be performing there this year... are you still going to go?"

You mull it over.

For about a microsecond.

"Of course I am." you reply jovially, "Anon has no control over where I can and can not go."

"And what will you do," Octavia asks, "if you run into him?"

"If I run into him," you say, "then I will simply say 'hello'. What happens after that is up to Anon."

Octavia smiles warmly and nods.

"That's good," she says, "because Anon can't very well snap at you in the middle of a crowded area. It's bad PR. But what, if anything, do you hope to get from going to the Gala in the first place?"

You stare at the ceiling in silence for a brief moment before a single word escapes from your lips as a hushed whisper.

"Closure."

"So you hope to get a final answer on the future of you and Anon's relationship?" Octavia queries, "Good luck with that."

"I know Anon," you reply, "so I know that he'll be thinking things over and maybe talking to somepony. Though who that somepony could be is anypony's guess. By the time the Gala comes, he will want to talk to me. Whether he tells me that he loves me too, or that he's done with me once and for all, I cannot say."

"What if it's the latter?" of course Octavia had to ask that question, "What will you do then?"

"If it comes to that," you sigh, "then I will accept Anon's decision and try to move on."

"And if it's the former?" Octavia smiles, "What then?"

"Then I will show Anon just how much he means to me." you grin, "Right in front of everypony if I have to."

Octavia facehoofs.

"Too much information." she mutters, "But I get what you mean. I guess all I can do is be here for you, and wish you all the best."

"Thanks, Octy." you resume using your nickname for her, "Your support means a lot to me."

"I'm going to bed," Octavia stifles a yawn, "you are welcome to stay here if you want."

"I could use the company," you reply, "so I think I will. Thanks."

"My pleasure, Vinyl." Octavia says, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Octavia leaves the room, turning off the light as she does so. You lie on the couch and stare at the wall. As sleep takes you, you only have one thing on your mind.

"Anon..."

Aeternum et Semper - Part One

CHAPTER NINE

Aeternum et Sempter - Part One

- ANON'S POV -

Day 591 in Equestria.

So much for a six o' clock start.

Agreed.

You've been sitting on the steps of the palace since quarter to six. A quick glance at your watch tells you that it is now half past. The palace staff are running to and fro carrying decorations, paper, food, drinks, cutlery... pretty much all of the standard crap you'd expect to find at a party like this.

You hear the clopping of hooves on the ground behind you. Thinking that one of the staff has finally realised you're here at last you stand up and turn around... to find yourself looking into the eyes of a certain Princess of the Night.

"Gah!" you shout, "Er, I mean good evening, Princess Luna!"

"Good evening to thee as well, Anon." she replies, "Is there a reason why thou art sitting here alone?"

Seriously Anon, you need to ask her about that.

Shush!

"There are two reasons." you say, "First of all, I'm actually early. Turns out that everything has been set up for me and I wasn't expected for another couple of hours."

You clench your fists.

"Though my manager-slash-producer told me to be here early." you grumble, "He must have got his wires crossed or something."

"Hmm," Luna nods, "and what is the second reason?"

You look around for a moment before frowning.

"I was hoping to see Vinyl." you mumble, "So I could... well, you know, talk to her about stuff."

"Thou means tell her about thy feelings?" Luna offers, "Well thou art in luck. Miss Scratch dreamt of thee again last night, and the Gala was a prominent part of it. We believe that she will be attending the celebrations, so thou will have a chance to talk."

"That's good to know," you reply, "thank you, Princess."

"We are merely helping a friend." she says nonchalantly, "We shalt leave thee to thy business, Anon. Farewell."

"Goodbye, Princess," you bow, "enjoy your evening."

Luna takes a few steps away from you before turning around.

"By the way," she says, "our speech pattern is the result of our banishment. It takes a while to get used to the fact that Old Equestrian is no longer used in the modern tongue."

With that, she walks away and disappears around a corner.

Well then. It looks like Luna can read minds.

Yeah. You'd better tone down the dirty thoughts the next time she's around. I can't bear the thought of her seeing anything that could potentially be used against me.

I'll try... but we both know that the first chance I get I'm going to make you picture in her a skimpy negligee.

You sit back down with a groan and start tapping your foot as you watch the world and the minutes go by.

***

Canterlot Palace, 8:30pm.

When you were hired, you got the impression that these stuck-up snobs were finally getting into a new genre of music. Instead, they've got you changing classical music records. It turns out that having a celebrity like yourself providing the music earned the organisers a huge boost in ticket sales, as many of your fans rushed to buy them for the chance to see you. It's true that the organisers are a bunch of crafty fucks, but you have to admire their tactics. But at the end of the day you can't complain — because you're still going to be getting paid.

However, the money isn't the only thing you're looking forward to seeing tonight. The crowd before you is too thick, yet you're still not giving up any chance of seeing Vinyl. That mane of hers makes her stick out like a sore thumb.

Scratchie sighted!

Really? Whe— wait a minute... Scratchie? What the fuck?

If she's going to be your girlfriend then you'll need a cute nickname for her. I'm sure she has one for you, so it won't hurt to prepare!

... whatever, where is she?

She's over at the buffet table.

You look over towards the buffet table. Sure enough Vinyl is there, talking to another mare. The other one is grey with a jet black mane. Her cutie mark is a music note of some kind. You realise that this must be Vinyl's friend Octavia.

Unfortunately you're not the only one to have noticed Vinyl. Tech Beat, who has developed a habit of watching you, has seen her as well. He glares at you and shakes his head. You glare back. You have to talk to her, but not when he's around.

As you return to your monotonous task you see that Vinyl is looking in your direction, so you quickly smile and wave. You then begin thinking of ways to give Tech Beat the slip so that the two of you can finally talk.

- VINYL'S POV -

Canterlot Palace, 8:25pm.

"Wow," you mutter to Octavia, "this is a lot of ponies. I don't ever recall seeing so many at a single Gala before."

"I know," Octavia replies, "and what's with the music? Did they book my ensemble without telling me?!"

The two of you enter the ballroom.

I can see Nonny!

Really? Whe— wait a minute... Nonny? What the buck?

If he's going to be your coltfriend then you'll need a cute nickname for him. I'm sure he has one for you, so it won't hurt to prepare!

... whatever. Where is he?

On stage, where it looks like they've got him spinning classical.

You point at Anon on the stage. He's busy, so he hasn't noticed you yet. You take the time to get a good look at him. He looks like he hasn't slept properly for days, evidenced by the bags under his eyes, but at the same time he looks peaceful.

Octavia snorts with laughter as she takes in the spectacle before her. You raise an eyebrow at her.

"Oh my," she says, "I bet he wasn't expecting to be doing this."

You jab her in the side with a forehoof as the track comes to an end. As it does, Anon starts looking over the crowd. You zip over to the nearby buffet table and stand with your back to him. Octavia stands in front of you.

"That mane of yours makes you stick out like a sore thumb," she says, "so it shouldn't come as a shock when I tell you that Anon has seen you."

You groan.

"What's he doing?" you ask, "I don't think I'm ready to face him."

Octavia glances over your shoulder towards the stage. A look of surprise comes over her and she glances at you.

"He's smiling." she says quietly, "He must be happy to see you. Maybe he does want to t— wait... he's glaring at something."

You turn around a little and see that Anon is indeed glaring at something off stage. He turns around and sees that you are looking at him, to which he smiles and waves. He's either happy to see you, or he's just being polite because he's working.

You smile and wave back. If he's being civil you might as well be civil back. As you finish waving you catch the faintest trace of green behind the curtain. It's Tech Beat, and he's watching you. You make a rude gesture at him and turn back to Octavia.

"Tech Beat, that's Anon's manager-slash-producer, is here," you tell her, "and he doesn't look too happy to see me. If I'm going to get a chance to talk to Anon, then that plothead needs to be removed from the picture. Any ideas, Octy?"

Octavia puts a hoof to her chin in thought, rubbing it back and forth while the gears in her head get to work. After a while she has a moment of clarity and clops her forehooves together.

"I don't think he's seen me yet," she says, "so how about I distract him while you're talking to Anon?"

"You'd do that for me?" you gasp, "But, Octy, what if something goes wrong? I don't want anything to happen to you as well."

"You and Anon clearly want to be together," she replies, "but that jerk is the only thing standing in your way. I am offering to do this because you're my friend... even if you do drive me to the very brink of insanity sometimes."

You smile and lay a forehoof on her shoulder.

"Thank you, Octy," you whisper, "this means a lot to me."

"No problem, Vinyl." she says, "Now make it look like you're leaving. If Tech Beat sees you leave he might relax a little. Then I will make my move. Once I have him distracted, sneak back in."

You look at the stage. Anon is now sitting in a chair tapping his foot in time to the music while the assorted guests dance. Tech Beat is still there, though he seems more interested in watching you. You sigh and walk away, leaving the ballroom in your wake.

- TECH BEAT'S POV -

You smile triumphantly as you watch Vinyl Scratch leave the room. That no-good hussy always was a problem for you. Anon is the biggest thing that's ever happened in your career, and you're not about to let some piece of tail ruin it.

Ever since the day he signed that contract, Vinyl has always been by Anon's side. Her presence irritated you to no end. She enjoyed living the high life, despite not actually contributing anything to Anon's continued success.

But over time you noticed her acting stranger around Anon — well, stranger than usual. She became increasingly inattentive to things going on around her, preferring instead to focus on Anon. Whenever anypony spoke to her, they would have to say her name three or four times before she finally realised she was being addressed.

She loved him, and you knew it. All the signs were there. You knew that if Anon and Vinyl got together it would mess things up, as he blew off gigs to be with her. Hell, he might even go so far as to make her his new manager-slash-producer!

So you planned. And you plotted. Eventually you came up with a sure-fire way of putting Anon off mares. Which was, of course, to show him how bad they could be. Time and again, at every venue Anon played at, you would buy a group of mares lots of drinks. Once they were sufficiently drunk would you recommend that they talk to Anon, and then sit back and watch as he became more and more uncomfortable.

It was a dick move, yes, but by Celestia did it work. Within months Anon was sick of the attention he was getting, and Vinyl's little stunt at the Empire seemed to push him over the edge.

Yet, that look on his face when the blue-maned menace caught his eye earlier... you did not like that at all. You made it clear to Anon that he was not to give Vinyl the time of day. He glared at you but seems to acknowledge your request.

You turn your attention back to the fact that Vinyl has left. You can't help but feel a little happy. Perhaps now the stupid bitch will realise that there is no chance for her and Anon to be to— well well well, what do we have here?

A mare is approaching you with a small grin on her face. She's an Earth pony with a flowing jet black mane and a purple treble clef as a cutie mark. Not only that, but she's got one hell of a sway in her step as she walks. You could bounce bits off that flank.

As she approaches you a grin comes to your own face. This looks like it could get interesting.

- OCTAVIA'S POV -

You have no idea what in Tartarus you are doing but judging by the way Tech Beat is checking you out, you think you're doing it right. You shudder internally as his eyes rove all over your body, mostly towards your rear.

Reminding yourself that this is for Vinyl's sake you continue. Her chances with Anon now rest firmly on you distracting Tech Beat. You come to a stop in front of him and he speaks.

"Well hello there Miss," he says, "I don't believe we've met."

You extend a hoof.

"My name is Octavia," you say sweetly, "and you must be Tech Beat, am I correct?"

"I am indeed." he takes your hoof in his own and kisses it, "I guess my reputation precedes me."

You fight back the urge to vomit and instead giggle.

"It's not hard to spot the manager-slash-producer of the biggest DJ in Equestria," you reply, "especially when you're standing so close to him like this."

"What can I say?" Tech Beat shrugs, "I'm the kind of stallion who likes to keep an eye on his investments."

"I assume that investment is paying off?" you ask, "After all, I heard about what happened in the Crystal Empire."

Tech Beat groans.

"Are you familiar with Vinyl Scratch?" he grumbles, "The mare who often hung around with Anon?"

You nod slightly. You don't like where this is heading, but you've got no choice but to carry on with the charade.

"I've heard of her," you say, "and how obnoxious she can be."

Tech Beat laughs.

"Finally," he says cheerfully, "somepony who shares my opinion on that stuck-up, self-centred, arrogant tart."

You stifle a growl, managing to disguise it as a cough.

"Oh yes," you say nonchalantly, "she is quite an atrocious pony. I met her at the Royal Wedding, after the incident there, and she had the nerve to tell me that I was 'holding my double bass wrong'. I play the cello, for Celestia's sake!"

You groan internally, remembering that this actually happened.

"Yeah," Tech Beat replies, "bitch ain't got no class. So, you play the cello do you? What's that like? Do you need a manager?"

"No," you reply, "I've already got one. Contract is locked for the rest of the year, so I'd be sued if I tried to get out of it. I was wondering if you could tell me what appears to be the problem with Anon over there? He seems to be giving you murderous looks."

Tech Beat glances over at Anon, who is now glaring at the two of you talking. It's understandable, given that he's never met you, but it still makes you feel uncomfortable.

"Ahh, don't mind him." Tech Beat shrugs, "He's just pissed at me because I won't let him talk to Vinyl. Would you believe me if I told you that they quite clearly love each other?"

"I would," you reply, "and quite frankly I find the idea abhorrent. If those two got together it would jeopardise everything you've worked so hard for, could it not?"

Tech Beat nods so fast you could have sworn that you heard his neck creaking.

"My thoughts exactly!" he exclaims, "I went to a lot of trouble to make Anon think that mares were bad news, no offence, and I'm not about to let some loose unicorn ruin that!"

Listening to him talk about Vinyl in this manner has your blood reaching boiling point. You calm yourself, wondering if Vinyl has made her move yet. You glance behind you to see a glimpse of her cutie mark as she moves through the crowd. The clever mare even had the common sense to cover her mane. You turn back to Tech Beat, ever keen to keep him busy.

"No offence taken," you reply, "though I am keen to hear about how you did it. I like a stallion who can actually use his brain."

Tech Beat grins from ear to ear and starts walking, draping a hoof over your shoulder and dragging you with him.

"Sure thing, Octavia," he says, "but not where there's a risk of Anon hearing us. So hows about you and I both get a drink and go somewhere more private?"

You nod and allow him to steer you towards the bar.

- ANON'S POV -

You don't know what Octavia is up to, but at least she's managed to drag Tech Beat away from you for the time being. Sticking on another record you slip backstage. This is your only chance to find Vinyl, and you intend to use it.

She could be anywhere, Anon. This could take a while.

I don't care if it takes me all fucking night, I'm still going to find her and tell her how I feel.

You poke your head through the backstage door and look over the crowd. Tech Beat is engrossed in conversation with that mare at the bar, and seems oblivious to your absence. What strikes you as odd, however, is the pony approaching the door. They're wearing a covering over their entire body.

"Whoa there buddy," you say as you hold up a hand, "this area is off-limits to guests. Performers and staff only."

The pony drops their covering, revealing it to be Vinyl. She looks up at you as your jaw drops in shock.

"And what about old friends?" she asks, "Are they allowed in?"

You quickly nod and she trots inside. You close the door and face her. She's not wearing her goggles and you once again find yourself being lost in her eyes.

"I'm glad I found you," she says, "because we need to talk."

"We do," you reply, "but we also need to listen."

With those words you both sit on the floor.

This is going to be a long night.

Author's Note

Aeternum et Semper is Latin for 'Always and Forever'.

Sorry for all the POV changes, but they were necessary. Just a couple more chapters to go!

Aeternum et Semper - Part Two

CHAPTER TEN

Aeternum et Semper - Part Two

- OCTAVIA'S POV -

You stand with Tech Beat at the bar, the stallion in question ordering drinks for the two of you. Out of the corner of your eye you see Anon talking to somepony, and then his jaw dropping.

Looks like he's just found Vinyl.

Anon's eyes dart around the room before he steps aside and lets Vinyl in before closing the door behind him. Good — this means that those two can talk, realise they're made for each other, kiss, and then rescue you from this dreary windbag of a stallion.

"Your drink, Miss Octavia," Tech Beat passes you a glass, "one dry Martini, as you requested."

You take the glass from him and clink it with his. He still hasn't noticed that Anon is gone.

"Thank you, good stallion," you reply, "now I believe you were going to tell me all about your grand scheme?"

"Of course," he chuckles, "let's sit somewhere private, and I'll tell you all about it."

You follow him to a booth in the corner of the bar, away from the music and bright lights. Tech Beat lights a candle on the table and sits down. You scoot in next to him.

"I had a feeling," he begins, "that if I showed Anon how bad mares can be, again I mean no offence, then he would begin to resent the idea of being in a relationship with one."

"Again," you wave a hoof dismissively, "no offence taken. But however did you manage it? Surely Anon wouldn't be put off of mares in a snap? It must have taken months!"

Tech Beat laughs again. You're beginning to hate how it sounds. Then again, you're starting to hate this whole situation.

"Persuasion, Miss Octavia," he says, "is a wonderful thing. Especially when alcohol is involved. It was just a simple matter of getting some mares drunk and sending them to talk to Anon. They took care of the rest, and I just sat back and watched."

You can't believe what you're hearing. This slimy scumbag was only ever interested in lining his pockets than caring about Anon's feelings. You resist the urge to pummel his conceited face in and instead let out a small giggle.

"My my," you titter, "you clever stallion. But I assume what happened at the Crystal Empire put a dampener on your plans?"

"It did," Tech Beat groans, "but not to worry. I've told Anon that if he gets with Vinyl, he will be blackballed by the rest of the music community, which means I will be forced to drop him from my label. And if that happens before his contract is up, which it isn't, then I get to take him to court and sue him for all he's got."

You drain your glass in one swift gulp. Tech Beat puts on a suave grin and drains his own.

"Another one, I think." he says smoothly, "And then we can toast to my success in getting Vinyl out of the picture."

He gets up from the seat and trots back to the bar. You bury your face in your forehooves and let out a muffled groan.

- ANON'S POV -

You and Vinyl are both sitting on the floor staring at each other. Neither of you seems keen to talk, but you know you've got to. And that you've got to do it before you're missed.

"Vinyl, I—"

"Anon, I—"

The two of you chuckle a little at that.

"You first, Vinyl." you offer, "After all, you came all this way just to find me, so I assume you've got something to say."

Vinyl exhales sharply and fans herself with her forehooves for a moment before finally talking.

"I'm sorry," she says quietly, "for everything that's happened. You were right, Anon. If I had talked to you sooner, none of this would have happened. But at the end of the day... I still love you, Anon, and that's something that will never change."

She sighs.

"Much like your feelings towards me." she mumbles, "You can't stand the idea of a relationship with a pony, and yet here's me – your best friend – pouring my heart out to you. I don't want things between us to end on a bad note, so could we try again?"

"You mean..." you reply, "start again as friends?"

Vinyl nods and looks at you, awaiting your reply. After a while you shake your head, much to her shock.

"No, Vinyl," you say, "I'm afraid we can't be friends."

Vinyl stands up. She looks to be on the verge of tears as she trots over to you.

"Okay, Anon," she says, "I'll respect your wishes. But at least I tried. Now I need to go and rescue Octy from the evil clutches of your manager-slash-producer."

She leans in closer and gently kisses your cheek.

"It's been fun, Anon," she whispers, "but if this is what you want, then I'll go. You've been the best friend I've ever had."

She turns around and starts walking away. She barely makes it a few steps before you grab one of her hind legs and pull her back towards you. She squeals in surprise as you turn her around so that she's facing you.

"I wasn't finished." you say sternly, "If you had waited, then I would have been able to do this properly."

"Anon," Vinyl stutters, "what are you talking abo—"

You lean forward and cut her off by bringing your lips to hers. She blinks in surprise before leaning back into you with a small moan. The two of you stay like this for what feels like minutes, but in reality was only thirty seconds, before you're forced to separate.

You look into each others eyes and smile, Vinyl's cheeks turning an adorable shade of crimson.

"Anon," she says, "I thought you... but I..."

You put a finger on her lips to shush her.

"After I moved out of the club," you explain, "I found myself with a lot of free time. So I used it to think. And, with some help from Princess Luna and my brain, I was able to realise that I only hated the idea of a relationship with a pony because of those drunken mares that hit on me... when in fact my ideal partner was by my side all along."

"Princess Luna?" Vinyl says, "Would I be right in thinking that she came to you in your dreams?"

"She did," you reply, "but how did you know?"

"Because," Vinyl chuckles, "I saw her in mine as well. She didn't say anything to me, but I knew she was there. She must have realised how I felt about you and decided to help."

You wrap an arm around Vinyl and hold her close. She nuzzles your cheek, a goofy smile plastered on her face.

"I'm glad she did," you say as you kiss Vinyl's forehead, "because I would have been alone forever if she hadn't. And being here now, with you, makes it all worthwhile."

"But what about Tech Beat?" Vinyl asks, "He's going to find out about this, and it'll mean the end of your career."

"Fuck him." you snarl, "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. In the meantime, I will go and rescue Octavia from his clutches. If you go then he'll realise it was a set-up."

Vinyl nods and kisses you again before you stand up. You walk over to the stage door and open it slightly before peeking out. Confident that nopony is watching you you cover Vinyl again and ruffle her mane before sending her back into the crowd.

You take your place back on stage just as the record finishes and throw on a new one before going over to the bar.

"Good evening sir," the bartender says, "would you like a drink?"

"Vodka," you reply, "and make it a double."

The bartender nods and goes to prepare your order. Out of the corner of your eye you can see Tech Beat talking to Octavia, who clearly looks uncomfortable. A glass is pushed in front of you and you pick it up. With a smile and a nod you leave the bar and walk over to the booth.

Is it time to fuck shit up?

Yep.

You stand at the table and clear your throat. Tech Beat doesn't look too happy about your presence, but Octavia is relieved.

"Just taking a break, boss," you say, "because I was long overdue for one. But I put on a new record, so it's fine. Who's your friend?"

Tech Beat grumbles incoherently. Octavia rolls her eyes and extends a forehoof.

"My name is Octavia," she says, "and you must be Anon. How does it feel for you, a dubstep DJ, to be playing classical music?"

Whoa, what's her problem?

You idiot, she's pretending to be a bitch because she was helping you keep Tech Beat busy! Just roll it with it.

You take Octavia's hoof and shake it.

"It's a pleasure to meet you." you reply, "As for your question, it is rather strange. But it pays well."

"Yes," she mutters, "though it's not the same as hiring a proper orchestra. At least then there would be some variety."

Tech Beat exits the booth.

"Nature calls," he says, "I'll leave you two to get acquainted."

He walks away muttering under his breath. You're pretty sure you heard him say something about your mother, but you ignore it.

"I'm sorry for being so rude," Octavia whispers, "but you understand that I'm acting, right?"

You nod.

"So," Octavia continues, "did you speak to Vinyl?"

"If by 'speak' you mean 'made out'," you grin, "then yes. I did."

Octavia smiles back, but quickly frowns when Tech Beat returns to the table and takes his seat, glaring at you.

"Are you done yet?" he snaps, "Because I am."

"Yeah," you reply, "I'm done. I'll leave you two alone now. It was nice to meet you, Miss Octavia."

She waves a hoof in a bored fashion and motions for you to leave. You bow gracefully and turn around to leave. As you do, Tech Beat starts sniffing at the air. You don't get a few paces forward before his voice cuts through the air.

"Hold it, Anon." he says sternly, "Something isn't right..."

You hear him sniffing at the air again, followed by the sound of him getting out of the seat and trotting up behind you. Without warning your shirt is grabbed in his magical aura and you are pulled down to his level.

"You've seen Vinyl, haven't you?" he snarls, "And don't try to deny it, because I can smell her on your clothes."

"So what if I have?" you snarl back, "You only have control over my career and not my entire life."

"You're forgetting, motherbucker," Tech Beat growls, "that your career and your life are tied. All I have to do is tear up your contract, and both of them would be ruined."

You push your face into his, not giving a fuck about personal space. You bare your teeth at him as you speak.

"Do your worst," you growl, "because I fucking quit."

Octavia trots over and dumps her drink over Tech Beat's head. He gasps in shock as he relinquishes his magical hold on your clothes. Octavia then grabs his face with her forehooves.

"I never really was on your side." she hisses, "In fact, I only tolerated your company because I was helping Vinyl. And given what you told me earlier, I don't think you're in any position to be threatening Anon. Wouldn't you agree?"

Tech Beat just growls. Octavia turns to you.

"This stallion is the reason for all the times you were beset by drunken mares." she explains, "He's the one who got them drunk and suggested they talk to you. In short, Anon, he's been controlling you since day one."

You clench your fists.

"So it's your fault I felt that way about mares?" you snarl, "Wait, I get it now. You were never interested in me or what I do. All you cared about was the novelty of an alien earning you money."

Tech Beat scoffs.

"So what if I did?" he says, "You and I both know that if you go public with this I'll deny everything. You have no proof, Anon, and I will soon be walking away with all your money while you rot in a cell for the next ten years."

Your face falls. He's right, and you know it. You unclench your fists and walk away with Octavia following close behind...

... while Tech Beat's mocking laughter rings in your ears.

Author's Note

Nearly done. Just two more chapters!

Also, I'd appreciate some comments about your thoughts on the story. :twilightsmile:

Twisted Memories - Part One

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Twisted Memories - Part One

Day 596 in Equestria.

When Tech Beat said he was going to take you to court for breach of contract, he wasn't lying.

When he said he was going to take all of your money and leave you with nothing, he wasn't lying.

When he said he was going to ruin your career and have you permanently blackballed, he wasn't lying.

When he said he was going to have you thrown in jail for the next ten years... he was talking out of his arse.

Much to your relief, the courts ruled that you should only give him all your money. You had brought up how he had been using you but since you couldn't prove it, and he couldn't disprove it, the judge decided that jail would be taking things a bit too far, decreeing that this was down to business, rather than a personal vendetta.

And now you find yourself back in the place where it all began — Vinyl's nightclub in Ponyville. It's a good thing the two of you are together now, or you would have been screwed when you got evicted from your apartment. But Vinyl is all too happy to share.

Try as you might you still can't help but think that you haven't seen the last of Tech Beat. He was gutted when the judge refused his request to have you jailed. You haven't seen him for a few days now — which makes you suspect that he's up to something.

"Are you thinking about him again?" Vinyl asks as she attaches herself to your neck, "Come on, Anon, let it go. Sure, he won and your career is over, but at least you have me."

You look at her and she grins. You grin back and kiss her gently on the nose, which gets you a giggle in return.

"You're right, Vinyl," you reply, "I should let it go. But what if I'm right, and he is up to something?"

"Then we'll... what was it you said?" Vinyl flails around for a moment before remembering, "Oh yeah... we'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

"And no matter what he does, if anything," you say, "then we'll face it head on, and together."

Vinyl nods and tightens her grip on you while you sit and stare blankly at the wall.

Whatever Tech Beat is going to do, you hope he does it soon.

***

Day 598 in Equestria.

Well this was unexpected.

Totally.

Standing before you in the middle of Vinyl's office is none other than Tech Beat. He has a sheepish smile on his face and seems keen to avoid eye contact. One of the security ponies brought him in, having been told that he wanted to talk.

"Are you going to say anything," you say wearily, "or did you just come by to stand there like an idiot?"

Tech Beat coughs nervously.

"Er, yes..." he replies, "I was just thinking about what it is I want to say. And that is... I'm sorry for the way I treated you both."

You and Vinyl exchange a puzzled look.

"Could you elaborate on that?" Vinyl asks, "Or, even better, just get to the bucking point?"

Tech Beat sighs.

"You were right, Anon," he says, "I was only in it for the novelty of having an alien working for me. But that alone is no excuse for the way I treated you, or tried to keep you and Vinyl apart. If you're willing to accept then I offer you my humble apologies, as well as some of the money I took from you."

"Just 'some'?" you raise an eyebrow, "Why not all of it?"

"Because I've invested it in other projects," he replies, "which I hope to get a good return on."

"In other words," Vinyl smirks, "you lost it all at the bookies."

Tech Beat snorts contemptuously and opens his mouth to fire off a rebuttal when you interrupt him.

"I don't give a shit about the money," you say, "but if you are willing to apologise, then I accept."

Your shirt is suddenly enveloped in a light blue aura as Vinyl pulls you down to her level.

"Are you bucking crazy?!" she hisses in your ear, "You should totally get your money back and enjoy being rich again!"

"I have you don't I?" you reply, "And that, as far as I'm concerned, makes me the richest man in Equestria."

Vinyl's eyes glaze over for a moment before she blinks rapidly and shakes her head.

"You're lucky I love you so much," she chuckles, "otherwise I would smack you upside the head for being so bucking cheesy."

She releases you from her grip and you straighten yourself up. Tech Beat holds out a hoof and cocks his head to once side. You take a hold of the appendage and shake it.

"I'm glad we could come to an arrangement, Anon." Tech Beat says, "Now let us celebrate our new-found friendship with some drinks on me!"

You and Vinyl don't have to be asked twice as you both tear out of the office and down to the bar, where you sit down and allow her to climb onto your lap. She bangs a forehoof on the counter impatiently and the bartender comes over.

"Keep the drinks coming," she says sternly, "and make sure Tech Beat gets the bill."

The bartender nods and pours a trio of double vodkas, sliding the glasses to you. Tech Beat takes a seat next to you and takes one of them, raising it in the air.

"Here's to celebrating a new friendship," he says, "and to getting so drunk, you forget a good chunk of your life."

You and Vinyl raise your glasses and clink them with his before the three of you drink in perfect harmony.

Let the festivities begin!

***

You wake up to find that everything around you is still blurry. Shaking your head and blinking a few times works to clear your vision, only for you to find that you're not where you're supposed to be. Instead of at the club, you are in a cell of some kind.

"What the..." you say aloud, "what the hell happened last night?!"

I don't know, man, it's all a blur to me.

"Anon?" the voice is close by, "Is that you?"

"Yeah it's me." you reply, "Is that you, Vinyl?"

"Yeah it's me." she says, "And I'm bucking confused. What the hay is going on here and why are we in jail?"

"I don't know," you groan, "because I can't remember anything about last night. All I remember is drinking a ton of booze."

Silence falls as the two of you nurse your throbbing heads and churning stomachs. A door opens with a creak followed by metal scraping across stone and then the sound of hoofsteps. A Royal Guard stands in front of your cell with a stern look on his face. You recognise him as the one you met when you were brought to Canterlot to meet the Princesses.

"Don't remind me," you mutter, "you're Shining Armour, right?"

The guard nods.

"I am," he replies, "and you are in a lot of trouble, Anon. Can you even remember what you did last night?"

You shake your head.

"Can't say I do, Chief." you grumble, "It's all a bit of a blur to me. But I assume you do know, and you're going to tell me?"

Shining Armour groans.

"Well," he murmurs, "you see, Anon, you..."

"Shining..." you grumble, "just fucking tell me already."

"I don't know what you were doing in Ponyville," Shining Armour sighs, "but you and Miss Scratch over there both came to Canterlot on the early morning train, drunk as drunk can be. You tried, unsuccessfully, to get into several bars. Thankfully the staff refused to let you in, but they couldn't stop you breaking into an off-license and drinking everything in sight. When we found you both, there was clear evidence that you had been... rutting."

You blink a couple of times while your brain tries to reboot. Shining Armour chuckles nervously and looks away.

Okay, Anon, I'm back and raring to go. I know what you're going to ask, so I'm just going to come out with it. You and Vinyl broke into an off-license, drank a ton more booze and then had sex. You really know how to make a girl happy, don't you?

"We did what?!" Vinyl yells, "Oh, buck me."

"I thought I already did?" you chuckle before letting out a groan, "Sorry, Vinyl, that was uncalled for."

She simply growls in response as Shining Armour opens your cell. He levitates a set of manacles around your wrists and ankles and motions for you to follow. He then goes to Vinyl's cell and opens it. She trots out finding the idea of looking either you or the Captain in the eye to be mortifying, as well as having turned such a deep shade of red she looks like a tomato with a horn.

Shining Armour applies a device to Vinyl's horn. He then motions for both of you to follow him. As you do you look at the device, trying to comprehend what it is. Thankfully Vinyl senses your confusion and sighs.

"It's a magic dampener," she says, "designed to stop me using magic. As if I would... my bucking head hurts."

She slowly tilts her head up to look at you, the embarrassment still written all over her face.

"I can't believe," she said, "that any of this has happened. You'd think I'd remember something as awesome as rutting. As for breaking into that off-license? Why on Equestria would we do that? There's tons of booze at the club... something isn't right, Anon. I think we've been set up."

"I agree," you snarl, "and I think I know who's responsible. If, and when, I get a hold of that slimy fuck I'm gonna—"

"Thou shalt do nothing," a voice cuts in, "until we decide thy fate."

You and Vinyl stop walking and look around in order to finally make sense of where you are — you're both in the throne room, where Princess Luna is waiting with a rather irritated expression on her face. Shining Armour bows to her. By her side is an orb on a plinth which is glowing a soft white.

"The prisoners, your Highness," he says, "as you requested. Do you have any further use for me?"

Luna shakes her head.

"Thank thee, Shining Armour," she says, "but no, thy services are no longer required. But we would ask that thou removes the entrapments from my guests before thou leaves."

Shining Armour blinks a couple of times before the meaning of Luna's words gets through to him. He lights up his horn and you hear a clang as the manacles fall off and land on the floor. The magic dampener soon follows suit. The Captain gathers them up and leaves the room with another bow to the Princess, who proceeds to glare at you.

Ready my eardrums to withstand the Royal Canterlot Voice.

Keep dreaming, Anon.

"Normally," Luna says, "we would have kept thee both in thy cells. But we felt that thou had to know something. Art thou both assuming that this is a 'set up', as Miss Scratch put it?"

You and Vinyl nod. Luna responds by turning her frown into an evil smile which puts you both on edge.

"Then thou shalt be pleased to hear," she says, "that thou art indeed correct. Thou art indeed being set up."

"Seriously?" you grumble, "Well that's just fucking perfect. Say, Princess, is there any chance you could cast a spell which would help us to remember what the hell happened last night?"

Luna nods slightly and glances at the orb next to her.

"We can go even further," she replies, "and show thee the evening as seen through the eyes of another."

You and Vinyl exchange a surprised look with each other.

"That would be great, Princess," Vinyl says sheepishly, "because I sure as hay don't want to remember anything myself."

Luna coughs and chuckles at the same time, sounding more like a whinny than anything else.

"Well, Miss Scratch," she says, "if that is how thou feels, then perhaps thou shouldst leave the room, because what you are about to see will no doubt bring back the memories you are so keen to keep suppressed."

Vinyl grumbles under her breath as Luna's horn starts to glow. The orb at her side is moved in front of her and starts glowing an eerie blue. Luna notices the puzzled look on your face and smiles.

"This, Anon," she says, "is the device we use to look into the dreams of our subjects. Using it we can peer into the mind of anypony in Equestria. It also allows me to record dreams, for reasons we are currently unsure of. However, this feature did prove helpful the other day, as one pony in particular was very happy to dream about what he did."

"That's very interesting, Princess." you reply, "But this pony... they wouldn't happen to be called Tech Beat, would they?"

Luna nods, causing you to pound your fist into your palm.

"I knew he had something to do with this!" you snarl, "Let us see what you've got, Princess, so I can decide how hard I'm going to kick his flank the next time I see him."

Luna nods, surprisingly, and motions to the orb.

"Simply look into the device," she says, "and thou shalt see what Tech Beat saw on the night in question."

You and Vinyl both approach the orb, which glows more intensively as you approach, and look into it. The light surrounds you, causing you to shield your eyes. Upon opening them, you are surprised to see yourself looking back at you. It takes you a moment to realise that you are in Tech Beat's body, reliving his memories of last night.

Time for you to see just what the twisted bastard has done now.

Yeah... and then we can plot our revenge.

You settle down and watch events unfold, knowing full well that you're not going to like what you see.

Author's Note

Hmmm, I guess there aren't two chapters remaining in this story.

Ain't I a stinker? :trollestia:

Twisted Memories - Part Two

CHAPTER TWELVE

Twisted Memories - Part Two

– TECH BEAT'S POV –

"Here's to celebrating a new friendship," you say, "and to getting so drunk, you forget a good chunk of your life."

Anon and Vinyl raise their glasses and clink them with yours before the three of you drink in perfect harmony. You slam the vodkas down as quickly as you can, after which Anon and Vinyl order another round. You already heard Vinyl say to the bartender that you were to get the bill, but given the money you got from Anon that's hardly going to be a problem.

"Let's take a seat," you suggest, "and start the celebrations with a few rounds and a nice chat."

Anon and Vinyl look at you for a moment before they both snort derisively. They walk over to a booth, leaving you to get the drinks... which is the chance you've been waiting for. You take the tray with the glasses on it and trot over to a secluded area.

After looking around to make sure nopony is watching, you light your horn and cast a spell on two of the glasses. It's nothing major, just a little something to make Anon and Vinyl loosen up a little. Because if your plan has to work, then they need to be as loose as a piece of string... if not looser.

You turn the grin you find yourself wearing into a cheerful smile – albeit with some difficulty – and take the drinks to your 'friends'. They both let out a sarcastic-sounding cheer when they see you.

"About damn time," Vinyl says, "I was about to send out a search party! What, you get lost on your way to the bar or something?"

"Far from it," you say through gritted teeth, "there was actually a bit of a queue. This is a nightclub full of sweaty dancers after all."

They snatch the drinks from the tray and slam them down with a loud "Cheers!". You sip yours slowly — no point in adding to what is certain to be a monumental alcohol bill. You can see the two lovebirds snickering at you from the corner of your eye.

They'd better laugh it up while they can because that spell you cast on the drinks is going to be taking effect soon, and then the night will get really interesting.

Sure enough, as you drain the last dregs of your shot from the glass, you see Vinyl and Anon gazing at each other with half-lidded eyes while batting at each other playfully. Before you know it, they're sucking the life out of each other in a heated kiss.

You clop your forehooves together gleefully. Within a few hours they will be unable to contain the raging masses of hormones surging within them. Hopefully by that time you will have taken them to a more public place.

You know in your mind that aphrodisiac spells are hard to cast — but you swear by Discord's left nut that they are worth it for the results they produce. Turning back to the matter at hoof, you clear your throat to interrupt the two before they both suffocate.

"You two seem keen to get the party going," you say, "so why don't we leave this place and hit the town?"

With their addled minds, Anon and Vinyl are easy to sway in your favour. This is another benefit of the aphrodisiac spell — it renders the target unable to think properly, mostly due to the other thing on their mind, thus leaving them open to manipulation.

The two of them nod eagerly and stand up, Vinyl taking on the form of a growth as she clings to Anon's neck. The human doesn't seem to mind the contact and waves his hand in front of him.

"You know what to do, Tech Beat," he says, "lead us to where the party is, and we'll do the rest!"

"Of course, Anon, right this way." you reply as you start walking out the club while adding under your breath, "You'll certainly be doing something tonight, that's for sure."

Malevolent thoughts in mind you lead the way to the next bar in town, the aptly named Watering Hole. 'Hole', in your opinion, is a very good word to describe the dimly-lit hovel. You walk inside and wait for Anon and Vinyl to catch up. It takes a while, considering the fact they can't stop feeling each other up, but they get there.

They immediately walk up to the bartender and order several glasses of cider, again saying that you are to pay. The mare behind the counter pours out the drinks and holds out a hoof to you for the money. You grumble under your breath and pay up.

In the time it takes you to do that, your companions have already drank half of the order. It would be impressive — if you didn't hate their guts so much. The aphrodisiac you put on them is also beginning to show signs of increasing in strength. Vinyl keeps running a forehoof along Anon's crotch while he traces a finger down her back towards her flank.

You watch the display in silent disgust before another thought comes to you. Ponyville is too small a place to humiliate these two buffoons. If you're going to do this, then there's only one place that will be right for it.

Canterlot. It's brilliant! What worse place to endure humiliation than the very capital of Equestria? Without pause to think you grab Anon and Vinyl in your magic and head to the station, both of them struggling in your grasp.

"Hey!" Vinyl cries, "What's the big deal, you jerk?!"

"Yeah!" Anon adds, "I wasn't finished with that cider yet!"

"Ponyville is far too boring for a party," you reply, "and fine you two know it. So we're going to Canterlot, like all the cool ponies do."

"Hell yeah," Anon cheers, "we're totally cool! Right, Vinyl?"

"Of course we are, Anon, you big dope!" Vinyl says, "We're the coolest couple in all of Equestria!"

They try to hoof/fist bump but find it hard to do so while being levitated a couple of feet above ground, instead flailing like a pair of oversized puppets... which they kind of are at this moment in time.

You see the train at the platform and get on board, dumping Anon and Vinyl in a compartment. You then put them both to sleep because the way they're acting right now would get you all kicked off, thus putting a dent in your plans.

As the train pulls away from the platform you go over your plan in your head. A small part of you thinks you are being a bit callous, but you soon shake that feeling off. Anon deserves what's coming, because if you couldn't put him in jail one way... then you're going to do it another way.

As for Vinyl... well, this whole thing started because of her and her Celestia-damned feelings. So she deserves it as well.

Once the train arrives you can put the final phase of your plan into action. You're going to sleep well tonight, and you can't wait.

***

You arrived in Canterlot without incident and woke up the two lovestruck fools in the carriage. Thankfully the aphrodisiac spell was still working — evidenced when they caught sight of each other and started kissing like they hadn't seen each other for years.

You managed to separate them, eventually, and led the two on a merry jaunt through the Canterlot streets. You were heading to the biggest club in town – which just so happened to be one you owned – and then you could put your plan into action.

You had tried getting into the smaller clubs, but they flat out refused to serve the clearly inebriated and, to a lesser extent, drugged up unicorn and human. So your place is the only one in town which will serve them.

The sound of breaking glass interrupts your daydreaming about things to come and you do a quick one-eighty. Your jaw drops in horror as you see Anon climbing through the shattered window of an off-license, Vinyl draped around his neck.

You stand there in shock for a moment before you shrug. It's not what you had in mind, but it'll still serve to get them locked up. You make your way over to the window and peer inside... only to pull your head back sharply and wish you hadn't.

You can't quite make out exactly what they're doing, but the noises they're making explain it loud and clear. Looks like the spell took effect a lot quicker than you expected. Either that or you supercharged the hell out of it.

A few minutes pass and you hear a clanking noise coming down the street. Sounds like somepony already told the Royal Guard. This is too good to miss — but you don't want to be seen here in case anypony puts two and two together and works out your plan.

You quickly duck into an alley, stifling a laugh as you hear the shocked gasps of the guards, followed by a lot of stuttering. Confident that your plan has worked you leave the area and head home. As you settle into bed that night you find yourself eagerly awaiting the delivery of tomorrows newspaper.

But at least until then you can dream about what might happen. So, that's exactly what you do.

– ANON'S POV –

As the recording ends you find yourself grinding your teeth while clenching and unclenching your fists repeatedly. Vinyl stands by your side looking more mortified than angry, but it still shows in the way she narrows her eyes.

"I knew he was up to something." you growl, "And this just proves it. Please tell me, Luna, that this will stand up in court."

Luna nods.

"It will," she replies, "but thou must be aware that the penalty for this sort of thing is merely a heavy fine."

"What?!" Vinyl shouts, "You're kidding, right? He drugged us and then set us up! Surely that would mean jail?"

Luna shakes her head.

"Sorry," she says, "but the law is clear. The spell is used in sex therapy, and therefore is legal. Misusing it like this only means a fine, so Tech Beat will avoid a custodial sentence."

Vinyl stomps a hoof into the floor and growls while you simply sigh. The tension in the room is palpable, but at least you have something you can use against your ex manager-slash-producer.

"Okay," you say, "we'll press charges against him. This will get out into the public, our names will be cleared, and Tech Beat's reputation will be ruined. The last thing he expected when he started all of this was for it to backfire on him."

This seems to cheer Vinyl up, as she stops growling and smiles instead, nuzzling your leg affectionately.

"Well said, Anon," Luna nods at you, "we were expecting thou to seek vengeance against him for what he has done to thee."

You shrug.

"He ruined us," you reply, "and now we're going to ruin him. So in a way, we do get our revenge."

Luna stifles a laugh.

"Say, Luna," you ask hesitantly, "why did you decide to help us with all of this? Surely a Princess would have better things to do?"

Now it's Luna's turn to shrug.

"As we have stated to thee before," she says, "Vinyl is a friend of ours. We saw from her dreams that thou were the perfect partner for her, and decided to help. Thanks to Vinyl we realised that we had nothing to fear about turning back into... her, given that we saw how she – and ponies like her – embraced our night."

"So you were just returning a favour?" you muse, "Sounds good to me, Luna. I'm just glad you helped me to see sense."

Luna returns your thanks with a smile.

"We will deal with Tech Beat later," she says, "but in the meantime thou art both free to go. Enjoy thyselves my little pony, and man, for thou have nothing to worry about."

You don't have to be told twice. With one final bow you and Vinyl leave the throne room and down the hall.

And straight into your new life together.

Author's Note

Are we done yet? Of course not, there's still the aftermath of this particular situation to deal with!

Confrontation

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Confrontation

Day 603 in Equestria.

You open your eyes slowly, fully expecting to be bombarded with sunlight. Instead you find your vision filled with white and blue, due to the unicorn lying next to you.

"Morning, Vinyl," you say, "did you sleep well?"

"Yes, Anon," she replies as she nuzzles your face, "did you?"

"Very well indeed," you chuckle, "because I've been eagerly awaiting the delivery of today's newspaper, so I could see what happened to our dear friend Tech Beat. I can't imagine he'll be happy about it."

"I couldn't care less what has happened to him," Vinyl growls, "because he bucking deserves it.

You both grin and drag yourselves out of bed. After a quick(ie in the) shower, you are both eating breakfast when you hear a knock on the front door of the club.

"Oh good," you rub your hands together gleefully, "that'll be the paper colt."

You get up from the table and grab some bits before heading to the door, admiring the echo of your footsteps in the empty club. You pull the door open, startling the colt on the other side. He soon recovers and looks up at you with a cheerful grin.

"Good morning, Mister Anonymous," he chirps, "I have today’s paper for you and Miss Scratch. Also, my father has asked me to inform the two of you that he will be late for his shift this afternoon, as he needs to accompany me to the dentist after school."

He passes you the paper and in return you give him the bits as a small tip.

"Thanks, Featherweight," you reply, "and tell your dad that's fine. Business has been a bit slow lately, so we're not expecting a rush. Just make sure you brush your teeth before you go."

"I will, Mister Anonymous." Featherweight says as he leaves, "See you tomorrow!"

You wave to him before going back inside, looking at the paper. Sure enough, a less-than-flattering picture of a scowling Tech Beat is on the front page.

TECH BEATS TECH

Tech Beat, the former manager/producer of disgraced DJ Anonymous, was today fined 100,000 bits for misusing an aphrodisiac spell in a bizarre revenge scheme against his former client, the reason for which remains unknown.

Tech Beat denied all of the charges levied against him, but admitted his guilt when his own dreams were used against him, courtesy of Her Majesty Princess Luna.

The Princess used dream recording technology to prove Tech Beat's malicious intent. As well as the fine, Judge Swift Gavel also ordered that the charges of breaking and entering and public indecency levied against Anonymous and Vinyl Scratch last week be stricken from their records, given the circumstances under which the offences were committed.

You laugh out loud at the headline and breathe a sigh of relief at the news your charges have been dropped. That whole thing has been embarrassing beyond belief, so hopefully now everypony will forget that it happened.

"What are you so happy about?" Vinyl asks as you walk into the apartment, "And I heard what Featherweight said about his dad. Who said you could okay that?"

She raises an eyebrow and grins to let you know she isn't serious. You respond by sticking your tongue out at her and tossing the paper onto the table. Vinyl picks it up and looks it over, laughing as she reads it.

"I told you he deserves everything he gets," she snorts, "but this is just brilliant. Looks like all that money he got from you wasn't worth it after all."

You chuckle in response as another knock resonates through the club, this one sounding more urgent than the last one. Vinyl groans and gets up from the table.

"Maybe Featherweight thinks his tip is too small." she mutters as she goes to answer it. You leave her to it and resume demolishing your breakfast.

You nearly choke upon hearing the sound of splintering wood, followed by raised voices, one of which is Vinyl's.

"ANON!" she screams, "Get in here!"

You drop everything, sacrificing your glorious breakfast, and rush into the club. You find, to your horror, that Tech Beat has forced his way in and now has Vinyl pinned against the wall.

"What the fuck are you doing, you crazy bastard?!" you shout, "Let her go right now!"

Tech Beat doesn't comply. You clench your fists and grit your teeth.

"I said let her go." you snarl, "Or you and I are going to have a problem."

"We already have a problem." Tech Beat snorts, "And I'm here to take care of it, starting with this bitch."

With those words he slams Vinyl into the wall a few times before throwing her across the room, where she collides painfully with her turntable. You attempt to go over to her but Tech Beat tackles you, a scream of rage escaping his lips.

The two of you roll across the room in a flurry of hooves and fists. You end up being pinned under the deranged unicorn's body weight. The look on his face reminds you of the demented fangirl at that wedding — one of pure murder.

"I don't know how you got Luna involved," Tech Beat snarls, "but what I do know is the fact that my reputation has been destroyed. All of my clients have left me because I've been deemed untrustworthy. My word used to be law in Canterlot... but now it means absolutely nothing."

Pain erupts in your body as one of his forehooves connects with your head.

"And it's all your fault!" he screams in your face, "You ruined me, Anon, and now I am going to make you pay."

"Fuck off!" you grunt, "You brought this on yourself when you tried controlling me and who I could associate myself with! You ruined me, Tech Beat, so I merely returned the favour!"

You bring one of your knees into his flank, which serves to throw him off-balance. He falls forward and you bring your head up to meet his. The result is another burst of pain, but at least it gets him off you.

You quickly overpower him and begin landing blow after blow. All of the hate you have for this stallion is being unleashed, and you're hell-bent on showing him just how deep that hatred runs.

You hear Tech Beat's cries of pain and roars of fury, but you're beyond caring. You begin rattling off a list of things he's done, punctuating each one with another blow.

"This is for controlling my career! This is for trying to control my love life! This is for making me choose between my friend and my career! This is for trying to send me to jail when I didn't have enough money to pay you after you sued me for breach of contract! This is for drugging me... and this is for hurting Vinyl!"

Panting heavily you look down at Tech Beat, the stallion now looking more like a patty than a pony. His face is swollen and bloodied, his eyes are black and blue and a couple of his teeth are missing as well.

You slowly get to your feet and go over to check on Vinyl. She has a large gash on the back of her head, the blood matting in her mane. You gently caress her cheek and go to pick her up, but the sound of groaning makes you turn around.

"I'm not finished with you yet," Tech Beat says as he stands and coughs up blood, "motherbucker."

You stand your ground as he charges towards you, with froth pouring from his mouth and steam shooting from his nostrils.

With a blood-curdling scream he leaps on you, both forehooves making contact with your stomach. You go down with a grunt and bring your arms up to defend your face.

Tech Beat sees your vulnerability and starts punching you in the chest. You hear your ribs cracking and stifle a scream. Your assailant chuckles, but doesn't stop.

"I've been waiting for this opportunity for weeks now, Anon," he says, "and I intend to enjoy every second of it."

"Not if I have anything to do with it," you wheeze, "you twat."

You bring both fists into his chin, following it up with a kick to the side. This only serves to infuriate him further and he starts punching your now-exposed face, using his magic to hold your arms at your sides.

You're too high on adrenaline to notice the pain. All you care about is getting Tech Beat off you, but with your appendages being held you don't really have any ideas on how to do that.

As the blows rain down on you, you start to worry, mostly about Vinyl. You can't see her, and that has you panicking. You couldn't care less about your own safety, only hers.

A loud smash snaps you back to reality. You open one eye - painfully - and see Tech Beat with a stunned expression on his face. He suddenly falls to one side and hits the ground — revealing Vinyl with the remains of a chair next to her.

You quickly embrace each other, carefully avoiding each others injuries — which is easier said than done in your case. Vinyl is bleary-eyed and her voice quavers with emotion.

"Are you all right, Anon?" she asks, "I saw what he was doing and felt like I had to do something to help. Though, if I'm honest, it looks like you gave as good as you got."

"It's gonna take more than a beating to bring me down." you chuckle, "But fuck my well-being, Vinyl, what about yours?"

"I'm fine too." she replies, "I've been hit by crazy stallions before, but not quite like that."

"Go to the hospital," you tell her, "and get yourself checked out. While you're at it, find the guards and tell them to get back here."

Vinyl nods and heads to what remains of the door. She pauses mid-step and turns to look at you.

"What about you, Anon?" she queries, "You need to visit the hospital more than I do."

"I'm going to keep an eye on him," you point at Tech Beat, "just in case he wakes up before the guards arrive."

Vinyl resumes walking and heads out into Ponyville. You can hear a few gasps of shock, presumably from the locals who saw how bad her injuries are.

Sitting down on another chair, you cast your eyes over the still unconscious Tech Beat. Slowly but surely the adrenaline starts to wear off, and you become all too aware of the many aches and pains which are now plaguing you.

Brain, give me a damage report.

It's not looking good, Captain Anon. You really can't take much more of this punishment.

Enough crap, Brain, just give me the details.

Okay, you've got five broken ribs, two black eyes, three of your teeth are missing – which could be down to the rich sugar diet for all I know – you have a punctured lung, a swollen crotch, a broken nose and swollen knuckles from when you punched the hell out of that sack of shit over there.

The pain starts getting to you and you hiss. There's not much you can do about it until Vinyl comes back with the guards, and leaving Tech Beat alone – even while you get the first-aid kit – is out of the question. You can't risk him getting away.

As you glare at him, his eyelids flutter and he slowly opens them. You quickly stand up and clench your fists, expecting Round Three to begin at any moment.

"Had enough yet, motherfucker?" you sneer, "Or do I have to show you how to respect me all over again?"

Tech Beat doesn't reply. Suddenly, the chair you were just sitting on breaks into pieces — one of which hovers ominously close to his neck. You can see where this is going, and you don't like it. What worries you even more is the fact he has managed to conceal his magical aura.

You make a grab for the piece of wood and barely manage to get a hold of it — just as it embeds itself in Tech Beat's throat. You scream in horror as the unicorn lets out a gurgling chuckle.

"I told you," he whispers, "that I would have you jailed."

You ponder his words as death takes him. You relinquish your hold on the wood and turn around, breathing heavily.

And stare right into the eyes of a horrified Vinyl.

"Vinyl," you gasp, "this isn't what it looks like!"

You reach out to her but she backs away in fear. The guards with her waste no time in tackling you to the ground and applying manacles to your legs and wrists.

As you are dragged away you look at Tech Beat's lifeless corpse, and then to Vinyl.

Your feelings are crushed when she looks away.

You close your eyes, not wanting to see the world any more, and allow the guards to take you.

Author's Note

Dear Listener,

I hope this chapter was to your liking.

Yours faithfully,
Geo.

P.S. I wrote 95% of this thing on my mobile.

Aftermath

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Aftermath

- ANON'S POV -

Day 617 in Equestria — and Day 7 in prison.

Solitude.

That's all you have come to know since you were sent here. Despite your shouts of innocence, the memory spell Luna used on you during your trial showed what appeared to be you killing Tech Beat in cold blood. Nopony had believed you when you said he had somehow managed to hide his magical aura, arguing that such a thing was impossible. You eventually accepted that nothing could stop the wheels of Fate from turning and realised that, finally, he'd won. And all it took was for him to die. Go figure.

But at least you have some allies in all of this. Vinyl and Octavia are the only ones who believe you. Vinyl was there, after all, and she knows more than anypony what Tech Beat was really like. Both mares also gave you a glowing character reference, but to no avail.

And now you find yourself being punished for a crime you didn't commit. You were given a sentence of ten years for murder, but you're hoping to be out in half that. The good thing is that you find yourself with lots of time to think.

I don't see what's so awful about this place.

Me neither, Anon. It's quiet, secluded and has a nice view. Luna must have overreacted when she said how horrible it was here.

Yeah, she clearly did.

You leave your cell, the few guards stationed nearby watching your every move, and walk down the corridor into the mess hall. After preparing a somewhat large salad you return to your cell and lie on your bed to eat.

I wonder how things would have turned out if I had told Tech Beat I wasn't interested in his offer when I first met him?

You would have carried on performing to small crowds in Vinyl's club and lived a relatively normal life. Well... about as normal as you can get in a world full of talking ponies.

But would Vinyl still have fallen for me if I did that?

I'm not sure, Anon, you'd have to ask her.

I like to think she would have. And without Tech Beat's influence over my love life, I would have been far more willing to return her feelings as and when she revealed them to me.

So in other words, you wouldn't have acted like a royal arse?

Exactly.

All that matters, Anon, is the fact that you're together. Well, you will be once your sentence is complete. She promised to wait for you so that's something, right?

She believed in me then, and she believes in me now. With a bit of luck I'll be out of here in a few years and then we can spend the rest of our lives in peace, free from meddling ponies.

Good man. Focus on the positives, and the negatives don't seem so bad. Maybe you should write Vinyl a letter and tell her this?

A small grin comes to your lips as you put your salad to one side and sit up on the bed.

No, I'm going to do something better than that.

You get up from the bed and leave the cell. The guards outside once again eye you up.

"I want to send some correspondence," you say, "so could one of you please escort me to the post room?"

"All right then," one of the guards replies, "follow me."

The guard unlocks the door and you both walk through it, his hoofsteps and your footsteps echoing through the empty halls.

You eventually arrive at the room where you need to be. You step inside and begin looking for the things you need to write your piece of correspondence. It doesn't take long, and you start writing.

Dear Vinyl,

I've settled in quite well to prison life, and have grown accustomed to the fact that I'll be here for a while. The guards are okay, but they're not very talkative. As a result I find myself with a lot of time to think about various things, but mostly about you. And yes, you can hit me for that cheesy remark next time I see you.

The prison is quite fun, if I'm honest. When I'm not thinking I have other ways to entertain myself. And no, before you even think it, not all of them involve my right hand. I play tennis with the guards, I lift weights, play squash... or I just pig out on food.

I'm still having trouble getting visitation rights for you. But I promise that I will get it sorted soon. And then we can enjoy a good old-fashioned conjugal visit.

I've reached the end of the page so I'll stop. Keep me in your thoughts, Vinyl, as you're always in mine.

Love,
Anon.

You look down at your handiwork and smile before writing the address and walking over to the counter.

"Afternoon, Anon," the clerk behind the counter says, "I was told you had some outgoing mail. Is that it there?"

"It is indeed." you reply as you hand over the item, "I just hope she gets it soon. I think she'll appreciate the gesture."

"She will, Anon," the clerk replies, "don't worry about that. But I can't help but wonder if a letter would have sufficed instead?"

"It's just a little reference to something Vinyl told me." you chuckle, "She said that if I was to ever end up here I should send her one of these, so naturally I couldn't resist."

The clerk laughs with you and stamps your item.

"I'll get it to her tomorrow, Anon," he says, "I promise. Now, is there anything else you want to send out?"

You shake your head.

"Not today, thanks." you reply, "Thanks for your help."

"No problem, Anon," the clerk says, "anything for my only customer. Celestia knows it can be boring here."

You both laugh and say your goodbyes, the guard leading you back to your cell. You lie back on the bed and finish eating your salad.

- VINYL'S POV -

Day 618 in Equestria — and Day 8 separated from Anon.

Boredom.

That's all you've come to know since Anon was jailed for killing Tech Beat. He protested his innocence, and you believed him. After all, he did drug the pair of you — so framing Anon for murder was just another day at the office for him.

You've been trying to get a visitation permit, but those fat-cats in Canterlot are dragging their hooves into the dirt. Luna has said she'll try and get one pushed through for you on the sly, but she warned that it might not happen — as she can't be seen to be helping somepony who's boyfriend got done for murder.

With a sigh you look around Octavia's living room. You've spent the last week at her place, as the club reminded you too much of what happened. So you've given yourself a sabbatical and handed over the running of the place to Snowflake. Contrary to popular belief, all of those steroids haven't addled his mind. In fact, he's managed to get the place making more money than before. You always suspected that there was a brain under all that muscle.

With the club out of your mind your thoughts inevitably drifted to Anon, and how he must be coping in prison. You know from experience that guards aren't the most talkative bunch, so the poor guy must be going mad.

"Good morning, Vinyl." Octavia's soothing voice interrupts your thoughts, "Did you sleep well?"

"Of course not," you snap, "because I've not been waking up next to Nonny for the last eight days... and I won't be for the next ten Celestia-damned years."

Octavia flinches a little at your outburst but composes herself and sits next to you on the couch. She idly drapes a hoof around your shoulder in a comforting gesture and pats you on the back.

"Sorry, Octy," you say, "I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm just pissed off at this whole bucking thing."

"It's okay, Vinyl," Octavia replies, "you have every right to be upset. But hopefully Anon will be free in a few years rather than a decade, and you can be together again."

"If that visitation permit doesn't get here soon," you deadpan, "he won't be free for long because we'll need to make up for lost time, if you catch my drift."

The blush that creeps across Octavia's face and the giggle she suppresses imply that she does indeed catch your drift.

"Who knows?" she says, "Maybe Luna will come through for you and get that permit sorted out."

"Or," you mutter, "she won't be able to use her influence to help me. Not this time."

A knock at the door makes your ear twitch. Octavia raises an eyebrow and grins at you.

"Or," she says, "that could be the mailpony now."

She gets up from the couch and answers the door. Sure enough, you can make out the cap which identifies the pony wearing it as a mail carrier. After a brief conversation about the weather Octavia says goodbye and comes back in with a few items, which she starts looking through nonchalantly.

"Bill, bill, junk, bill..." she mumbles, "ah-ha! Something addressed to one Vinyl Scratch."

She holds it out and you take it in your magic and bring it to you. You look at it on both sides for a moment before you snort.

"What is it, Vinyl?" Octavia sounds concerned, "It's not bad, is it?"

Your snorting gives way to a small laugh, which in turn gives way to bellowing guffaws as you fall back onto the couch holding the item in a forehoof.

"Vinyl..." Octavia groans, "you're worrying me now. What is it?"

You stop laughing just long enough to compose yourself and formulate a coherent sentence.

"It's just Anon being a smart-flank." you reply, "On the day he went to meet the Princesses, I made a joke about something he could send me if it all went wrong. He obviously never forgot what I said, because he's done it."

"Done what?" Octavia asks.

You go over to the window and look up to the sky for a moment before turning to Octavia and holding up a small piece of card.

"... he sent me a postcard."

You laugh for a few seconds before dissolving into tears, longing for the day when you would be with Anon once again.

*** THE END ***

Author's Note

And so this tale finally comes to an end.

Thanks again to Listener for allowing me to use (and kill) his OC.

The Vinyl Equation - Part One

CHAPTER FIVE

The Vinyl Equation - Part One

- ANON'S POV -

Day 578 in Equestria.

You've got it made, Anon.

That I do, Brain. That I do.

Hard to believe you've accumulated so much wealth in just... hang on... eight minus six, carry the... uh...

You groan and take your phone from your pocket. You still find it hard to believe that the ponies are able to keep the thing charged using magic. Still, stranger things have happened. Returning to the task at hand, you fire up the phones built-in calculator.

332 brain. It's been 332 days since I signed that contract.

Er, right. Thanks. I guess you've killed off the part of me which could do mental arithmetic.

Probably.

You decide to cease your internal discussion and look around the swanky hotel room you've found yourself in. After a – very – lengthy discussion with Tech Beat you agreed to give him twenty percent of your income for life.

And what an income it's been! Within days of signing up to his label you had an album out, which has been selling like crazy. You told Tech Beat that you didn't create any of the tracks on it, but he had said not to worry.

"After all," he'd said, "it's not like any of those artists are in Equestria now, are they? Besides, none of the DJs these days own their own tracks. They just remix other stuff to make it sound like something new, like your friend Vinyl Scratch for instance."

You felt inclined to agree with him. After all, you were making more money than you knew what to do with. You never realised just how dull a money bath can be, until you've done it a hundred times.

You take in the ambience of your room, in the penthouse suite of a hotel overlooking the Crystal Empire. You've taken to wearing a pair of sunglasses because as nice as it is, the Empire clearly wasn't designed with human eyes in mind. You nearly went blind when you got off the train with Vinyl earlier.

Speaking of Vinyl, where is she?

She's probably at the bar.

Then let's go find her. I've got a gig to do soon.

You leave the comfort of your room and descend in the – crystal adorned – lift down to the lobby. You walk through with your head held high, getting the occasional shout of greeting from fans. You elected not to hire a security team because you felt nopony would be crazy enough to pick a fight with someone nearly three times their size. Plus there's the fact you're too tight to pay a security team, even with your massive fortune.

You enter the bar and look around. Sure enough you spot Vinyl with a glass in front of her. You take a seat next to her and take hold of her drink. To your surprise, it's water.

"Come on Anon," Vinyl scoffs, "I'm not going to make a fool out of myself in the Crystal Empire for buck sake. This is your big chance, and I'm not gonna ruin it for you by getting wasted. You're my best friend dude, so at least have some faith in me."

"Sorry Vinyl," you reply, "I guess I assumed the worst because I know what you're like. But this gig is really important to me. It could make or break my career."

"I know it is," Vinyl punches your shoulder, "which is why I'm toning down my wild side. Some of these Crystal Ponies are a bit pissed over the fact I'm a unicorn."

You do a double-take.

"Seriously?" you ask, to which Vinyl nods, "That is fucked up. Where do they get off treating you like garbage?"

"Sombra was a unicorn as well," Vinyl laments, "so they automatically assume I'm bad because of the horn. My eyes, too, make me a prime candidate for 'being evil'. Don't get me wrong, they're not all like that... it's just a few of them who seem to be trapped in the past."

You reach over pat Vinyl on the back in a comforting gesture. It seems to relax her a bit, though she still looks upset.

"Fuck 'em," you say, "if they can't accept how awesome you are then that's their problem, not yours."

This seems to cheer her up, if the small laugh that escaped her is anything to go by.

There you go again with the Voice of Reason.

Vinyl gets off her stool and turns to look at you. You give her a smile and a thumbs up in response. She grins for a moment before suddenly rearing up and hugging you.

"Thanks Anon," she says, "for being so awesome. And don't worry, the crowd is gonna love you."

She mutters something under her breath but you can't make it out. Relinquishing you from her hold she gives you a supportive smile and leaves the bar, presumably heading back to her room. As you go to follow her something stops you.

"There you are Anon," Tech Beat's unmistakable voice says, "I need to have a quick chat with you before your set later."

"Can't it wait?" you reply, "I need to get ready. And something isn't right with Vinyl either, so I need to make sure she's okay. She never hugs me when she's sober."

"Miss Scratch," Tech Beat sighs, "is the reason why I need to talk to you. It's about your association with her."

"Association?" you snort, "She's my friend. Is that a problem or something? Because if it is you can keep it to yourself."

"Speaking as an ordinary pony," Tech Beat replies, "I have no problem with you and Miss Scratch being friends. However, speaking as your producer and manager, I have several problems."

You fix him with your most deadpan stare. He doesn't seem phased by it and continues speaking.

"Many of the other high-level DJs see Miss Scratch as an obstacle in the way of your success." he says, "An obstacle you would do well to remove as soon as possible."

You glare at him over the top of your sunglasses.

"In other words," you snarl, "you want me to dismiss Vinyl as my friend so that I can better myself in the eyes of a few elitist jerks?"

"That's one way of putting it," Tech Beat says, "but yes. The other DJs believe that Vinyl is merely attaching herself to you to better her own career and make herself look better."

"I know Vinyl," you growl, "and I know she's not like that. She believes in me. She believes that I can do this."

"Oh?" Tech Beat raises an eyebrow, "Do you not recall how excited she got when I offered you the chance to sign under my label?"

You think back to that night in Vinyl's club. Sure, she was a bit excited, but that's because you had been offered the chance to live your dream... right?

502 Bad Brainwave.

You shake your head furiously and stand up. Tech Beat does the same as he watches you warily.

"I am not dumping Vinyl as a friend," you snap, "and that's the end of it. I don't give a fuck what you or anypony else thinks."

Tech Beat nods slightly.

"As you wish Anon," he replies, "I will not pressure you to do something you're against. I'll let you go and get ready for your set. Have fun, and remember: the Equestria Games is the biggest crowd you'll see in your life. Don't mess up."

"Relax," you say as you walk away, "because I don't intend to."

- VINYL'S POV -

After leaving Anon at the bar you headed back up to your room to lie on your bed and think about what he had told you. You had to admit that he was right. Just because you're a unicorn, that doesn't make you as bad as Sombra was. Besides, that jerk is gone now... yet it would seem that his infamy remains. It's understandable though, the reactions of some of the Crystal Ponies. Given what they went through at the hooves of Sombra, and the fact he's not here now, it's only natural they'd want to blame unicorns as a whole for what he did.

Even if that is a little misguided, as well as a bit racist. But Anon managed so soothe your worries. And then you tried to do the same with him and his fears regarding his set.

"Thanks Anon," you had said, "for being so awesome. And don't worry, the crowd is gonna love you."

And then, under your breath, you had muttered three little words which Anon thankfully didn't hear.

"Like I do."

You let a loud and long groan. You can't help but wonder why all of these... feelings... are bubbling up now. Besides, Anon doesn't even think of you like that. What was it he always used to say to drunken mares who hit on him?... Oh, yeah...

"Thanks for the offer, but I'm not sticking it in you. I just don't feel comfortable with the idea of doing that with a pony."

Rolling onto your back you let out a small sigh. You don't want to think about this right now. You need a drink.

Getting off the bed you walk over to the minibar and throw it open. Time to do what you do best — get drunk and show your affection for Anon. Affection he believes to be friendly.

... the fool.

- ANON'S POV -

If you thought that the crowd at Vinyl's place could be called a 'sea' of ponies, then what you see now must an entire ocean. Thousands of ponies, as well as gryphons and minotaurs – you can even see a few groups of Diamond Dogs – are standing shoulder-to-shoulder on a grassy field outside of the Empire. At the end of it is the stage upon which you stand. Tech Beat calls out to you from backstage.

"Remember," he says, "don't buck up. Do so, and it is the end of your career. Many DJs would kill for a gig this size, so let them know that they made the right choice in hiring you!"

You nod and pick up the microphone.

It's now or never, Anon. Do your thing and show that crowd the best time of their lives!

You grin wickedly and throw up the horns. The crowd goes wild and you start yelling, your voice amplified by magic.

"Good evening sports fans!" you yell, "Are you ready for the gig of a lifetime?"

The crowd shouts back in the affirmative.

"I can't hear you!" you bellow, "I said, are you ready for the gig of a lifetime? And don't tell me, SHOW ME!"

Hooves, claws and paws are stomped into the ground as the crowd roars back gleefully with the force of a small earthquake. The grin stays on your face as you respond to the cheering.

"That's what I thought!" you yell, "I'm glad you're up for a gig, because it just so happens that I am go—"

"Hey Anon!" a nearby voice interrupts.

You turn around to see Vinyl leaping through the air towards you. Not only is she wasted, she has a goofy smile on her face.

Bracing for impact in three... two... one...

Vinyl crashes into you, sending the pair of you flying through the air. The sound of thousands of gasping patrons fills the air as you collide with your mixing deck. You land on the ground as something within you snaps – quite literally in fact.

You groan in agony as Vinyl sits on your chest. She still has that smile on, and seems oblivious to the guards making their way onto the stage. She prods you with a forehoof, also oblivious to the fact your leg is bent at an awkward angle.

There's too much pain and not enough endorphins. Sorry Anon, but it's time for you to pass the fuck out.

"I made it Anon." Vinyl says, "I made it to your gig."

That's the last thing you hear before everything goes black.

Author's Note

Why yes, this actually is a Romance story. Most AiE stories I've read usually are.