THE WORLD BLEW UP.
AND ZELDA WALKED OUT OF THE TIME MATRIX, FEELING RELIEVED, THE BLESSINGS OF THE WORLD ON HIM. HE WHISTLED INTO THE WINDS, AND ALONG CAME HIS TRUSTWORTHY STEED FLUTTERSHY. DISCORD, HER NEWLY REFORMED APPRENTICE, BOUNDED DOWN THE STREAM OF UNENDING MISERY CALLED LIFE TOWARD FLUTTERSHY. HIS HERO. HIS SAVIOR. THE MAJESTIC STALLION WHO CONSUMED HIS DREAMS, AND FILLED HIS DAYS WITH UNENDING WONDER. AS HIS EYES TWISTED IN HIS SOCKETS, HE GLIMPSED ZELDA, ZELDA THE LOWLY, ZELDA THE DESPISED, TRYING TO MOUNT THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WINGED-STALLION. THEN, THE WORLD STARTED SHAKING, THE GROUND TUMBLED, AND THE EARTH SPLIT, THE GOD OF CHAOS, HE WHOSE WILL WAS, WAS YANKED OUT OF THIS WORLD.
FLUTTERSHY, GLORIOUS FLUTTERSHY, SHY, PROTECTING, GENTLE FLUTTERSHY WATCHED IN HORROR AS HER REALITY WARPING FRIEND WASN'T, WHEN THE CRAGG SPLIT BENEATH HER HOOVES, AND THE BLONDE TWO-LEGGED PONY FELL DOWN THE CHASM, HIS SCREAMS ECHOING THROUGH THE CHASM, DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, THE WORMS ANGERED BY THIS SUDDEN UPHEAVAL OF LAND BEGAN BRIDGING THE CANYON BEFORE SMASHING INTO THE OPPOSITE SIDE, THE GORON-PONIES WHO WERE UNLUCKY ENOUGH TO BE THERE THIS DREADFUL DAY, FOLLOWING ZELDA DOWN THE DARKENED ABYSS, AND AS FLUTTERSHY FLOATED THERE IN HORROR, THE APPARENT DEATHS STILL ECHOING IN HER MIND, OVER AND OVER, HER HEART SHATTERED.
AND SO IT WAS, THAT THE WORLD ZELDA ONCE SOME-WHAT LIKED WAS BROKEN. FLUTTERSHY'S HEART WAS SHATTERED, AND DISCORD WAS NEVER SEEN AGAIN. BUT FROM FLUTTERSHY'S SHATTERED HEART FELL A SEED. A SEED WHICH WAS THE KEY TO ZELDA'S NETHER REGIONS. BUT UNFORTUNATELY THAT PRINCESS WAS IN ANOTHER CASTLE.
PRINCESS PEACH, FLUTTERSHY'S DEAR FRIEND WHO JUST-SO-HAPPENED TO BE AROUND AT THE TIME, WAS LAMENTING NEAR-BY. "WOE IS ME." SAID PEACH. FLUTTERSHY, NOT CARING AT ALL WHY PEACH WAS CRYING, LEFT IMMEDIATELY. BECAUSE FLUTTERSHY IS A HEARTLESS PONY. SO PEACH WEPT, AND WEPT, AND WEPT. UNTIL BUDDHA HIMSELF DESCENDED FROM THE HEAVENS WITH A GIFT TO COMFORT HIS MOST LOYAL SERVANT PRINCESS PEACH. "HERE, MORTAL, TAKE MY GIFT AND REJOICE. FOR TODAY IS A MOST GLORIOUS OF DAYS. THE ANCIENTS ARE CONVERGING AT THE CHAMBER OF THE MOST SECRETIVE SECRETS IN ALL OF TAMRIEL. GO THERE NOW, AND WATCH AS THE FATE OF ALL THE WORLDS IS DECIDED BY PEOPLE WHO KNOW MORE THAN YOU." AND WITH THOSE WORDS BUDDHA WAS SWEPT UP BY A GUST OF WIND TO NEVER BE SEEN AGAIN. SO FLUTTERSHY GALLOPED THROUGH THE AIR, SOARING AS FAST AS HER HOOVES COULD TAKE HER, FOR THE FATE OF ALL THE WORLDS RESTED ON WHAT SHE HAD TO SAY.
ZELDA, FLIPPED AND TWISTED AN TURNED, TWISTED AND JERKED, THE FEW GLIMPSES UPWARD SHOWED NOTHING BUT DARKNESS NOW, FALLING DEEPER AND DEEPER DOWN TAMRIEL, HIS BODY AT TERMINAL VELOCITY, IF HE HIT ANYTHING EVERY LIMB WOULD BE RIPPED, EVERY BONE SHATTERED, HE WAS A CORPSE WITH LIFE IN IT, AND HE CONTINUED DOWN HIS DROP TRYING DESPERATELY NOT TO HIT THE SIDE WALLS WHILST HE STILL HAD HIS FEW MOMENTS OF LIFE WITHIN HIM. MEANWHILE CELESTIA, FEELING THE MASSIVE CAUSE OF DISTRESS, BOUNDED OFF OF HER THRONE, KNOWING HER SUBJECTS WOULD THINK LESS OF HER IF SHE IGNORED THE PROBLEM, AND FEELING THE ONCOMING RANT OF THE MASSES, LEAPED OUT OF THE CASTLE WINDOW, DROPPING, AND DROPPING UNTIL SHE HAD ENOUGH WILL TO MISS THE GROUND, "THE SUDDEN END OF MY LIFE WILL WAIT FOR ANOTHER DAY" SHE THOUGHT, FLYING AS FAST AS SHE COULD, KNOWING ANY AND ALL SUBJECTS WOULD ASSUME THIS WAS AN IMPORTANT MATTER TO HER, HER THE MISTRESS OF SUN, HER REFORMED OF DISCORD, EVEN THROUGH RECKLESS MEAN, AND FINALLY SHE HERSELF ARRIVED AND THE STILL GORGE, THE GREAT CRACK RUNNING ACROSS TAMRIEL, AND NEAR ENOUGH THE BORDERS OF EQUESTRIA THAT ALL WOULD SAY IT WAS HER PROBLEM, AND SHE DROPPED, DODGING THE SPICE WORMS, WHO FLOWED ACROSS THE GAP, SEAMLESSLY ENTERING THE SAND ON THE OTHER SIDE, GRABBING THE PITIFUL GORONS ON HER WAY DOWN, SLOWING THEM TREMENDOUSLY, SHE FELL, AND FELL, FEELING SHE HAD SAVED ENOUGH, SHE BEGAN HER ASCENT. SEEING THE BEAMS OF DAY AGAIN SHE FELT SMUG, SHE HAD SAVED MEMBERS OF THE GORON RACE, WHO WOULD REPORT TO THEIR SUPERIORS ABOUT HOW SHE, THE AMAZING QUEEN OF THE PONIES, RISKED HER LIFE FOR THEIRS. BUT IT WAS NOT TO BE, A SINGLE SPECK FLOATED OVER THE EXIT, DIN, BEING OF POWER. LIFTING A SINGLE HAND, SHE STOPPED CELESTIA, AND THE GORONS FROM EXITING THE HOLE. FEELING A FORCE WHICH WAS BEGINNING TO MATCH HER OWN, CELESTIA DIDN'T HESITATE TO DROP THE GORONS BACK DOWN THE SHAFT, AND FOCUS HER FULL MIGHT ON ESCAPING HERSELF. SHE FOUND HERSELF EVENLY MATCHED, FORCING MAGICK UNTO THIS UNMOVING OBJECT, EVEN RELEASING HER CONTROL OF THE SUN TO FOCUS FULLY ON PREVENTING DIN FROM HINDERING HER ESCAPE. AS THE FULL FORCE OF CELESTIA HIT SHE FOUND HERSELF A LITTLE UNDER OVERWHELMED, AND SURPRISED, SHE HADN'T ENOUGH TO MOVE BACK, OR CELESTIA WOULD BE FREE. SO IT WAS, THEY WERE THERE, HOVERING OVER THE ABYSS, GAZING INTO EACH OTHERS EYES, AND NOTHING CONTROLLING THE SUN.
AND SO IT WAS, ZELDA WAS FALLING ETERNALLY UNTIL SHE HAD A THOUGHT. "I COULD USE MY BEAUTIFUL DRESS AS A PARACHUTE, AND SHIMMY MY GLORIOUS SELF UP THIS UNENDING HOLE OFF THE BORDERS OF EQUESTRIA." SO ZELDA CLAMBERED UP THE HOLE FOR A FULL FIVE YEARS, ONLY TO FIND TWO PONIES FIGHTING SOME SORT OF TERRIBLE WIZARD BATTLE.
MEANWHILE, CALVICUS VILE WAS LOOKING DOWN UPON TAMRIEL. AND AS HE LOOKED DOWN, HE LOOKED UP. CALVICUS VILE SAW THE SUN, COMPLETELY OUT OF CELESTIAS CONTROL. SO THE PLAN WENT INTO MOTION. WITH HIS MIGHTY ARMS, HE THREW HIS SHAPESHIFTING PET AT THE SUN. BARBAS, BEING THE ALL-WISE PET HE IS, TRANSFORMED INTO THE SUN. BARBAS WAS ONE WITH THE SUN. AT THIS, ATUM BECAME ENRAGED. ATUM, HAVING BEEN LONG AGO IMBUED WITH THE POWER OF THE SUN ITSELF, WAS ANGERED BY THE NEW OWNER OF THE SUN. ATUM EMERGED FROM THE SUN THROUGH THE GIANT HOLE ON THE VERY TOP OF THE SUN. HE SPOKE WORDS WHICH WERE HEARD THROUGHOUT THE GALAXIES. "GET. OUT." HE SAID. CLAVICUS SIMPLY LAUGHED. HE KNEW ATUM COULDN'T POSSIBLY REACH HIM, AND BARBAS WAS NEVER SEEN AGAIN.
"I JUST WANT TO GO HOME." SAID ZELDA. SHE WAS HALF HEAVED ON TO A ROCK NEAR THE TOP OF THE HOLE SHE FELL DOWN. HER DRESS WAS TATTERED AND HER BODY WAS WITHERED. HAVING NOT EATEN IN THE PAST SIX YEARS HER BODY WAS NOT MUCH MORE THAN A SKELETON. NO FLUIDS FLOWED THROUGH HER, THE ONLY THING THAT HELD THE LIFE TO HER OTHERWISE DEAD BONES WAS HER MAGIC. AND EVEN THAT WAS WANING, AS CELESTIA WAS BORROWING ZELDAS POWER IN HER CONTINUED FIGHT FOR FREEDOM. IT DIDN'T HELP HER AT ALL, YET SHE CONTINUED TO TAKE AND TAKE FROM ZELDA. POOR ZELDA. SO ZELDA CLUNG TO THE ROCKS, JUST AS SHE CLUNG TO HER LIFE FOR ALL ETERNITY, NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN.
MEANWHILE, IN THE CHAMBER OF THE MOST SECRETIVE SECRETS, JESUS WAS HAVING A CUP OF COFFEE WITH VISHNU.
AND WHAT A CUP O' JOE IT WAS.
"TODAY IS A STRANGE DAY" SAID KIRBY-THE-PONY HOPPING HIS TWO LEGS ON HIS MAGICAL STAR, HE FLEW AROUND, THE GALAXY MUTTERING NONSENSE, THE SUN GOING WACK FOR A BIT, TODAY WAS NOT A DAY TO BE FLYING, SO HE ROLLED OFF OF THE STAR, AND IT WAS NEVER SEEN AGAIN, MEANWHILE KIRBY ACTED LIKE A PILE OF SLUDGE, AND DROPPED, AND AS HE FELL TIME WARPED, AND SECOND BY SECOND KIRBY WAS PUSHED INTO THE FUTURE, UNTIL TEN SECONDS LATER, HE HIT THE GROUND. PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY, AND KIRBY WAS A PONY. AND A PONY HE WAS. HE LACKED THEIR SHAPE, AND THEIR PROWESS, BUT THAT COULD BE SOLVED WITH A LITTLE DINNER, SO OFF HE SET TO BECOME A TRUE PONY.
AND SO IT WAS, KIRBY SET OUT ON A MIRACULOUS JOURNEY, A JOURNEY TO BECOME THE MOST PONY OF ALL THE PONIES. AND HE WAS NEVER SEEN AGAIN. JESUS HOWEVER, DID SEE HIM. HE UNDERSTOOD HIS PAIN, HIS WANT TO BECOME THE MOST PONY OF ALL. SO JESUS-PONY STOOD UP AND CLAPPED HIS HANDS. AND FROM THE SKY CAME CANDY! MAGIC CANDY! CANDY OF THE GODS! WHICH SLUDGE Y KIRBY-PONY ATE TO BECAME THE MOST PONY.
AT THIS, CELESTIA WAS ANGERED. SHE FOUND HERSELF RENEWED, HER POWERS STRENGTHENED BY HER NEEDS TO BE THE BEST OF ALL PONIES. IT DIDN'T HELP HER FIGHT IN THE SLIGHTEST.
WHEN JESUS WAS DONE WITH HIS RIDICULOUS CLAPPING HE SAT DOWN IN THE CANDY-LESS CAVE AND TOOK ANOTHER SIP OF HIS DISGUSTING COFFEE. VISHNU, HAVING NOT SAID ANYTHING THROUGH THE WHOLE MEETING GRABBED THE SPEAK-STICK WITH ONE OF HIS TRILLION ARMS. HE STOOD. HE FELT AWKWARD STANDING, AS HE HADN'T PREPARED ANYTHING TO SAY. HE SIMPLY STOOD IN THE UNLIT-COFFEE FILLED CAVE OF SECRETIVE SECRETS. THE OTHER DEITIES LOOKED AT HIM SUSPICIOUSLY. AS THERE HAD BEEN NO SPEAK-STICK BEFORE HE GRABBED IT. VISHNU SPAKETH "I'M WORKING WITH WHAT I GOT, AND I ONLY GOT WHAT I MAKE." LUNA-PONY LAUGHED AT VISHNU. AND THE MOON LAUGHED TOO.
MEANWHILE, ZELDA HUNG TIGHTLY TO A CLIFF...
