Lyra's Grand human hunt

by -Twilight

Rating: everyone
Tags: Bon-Bon, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Lyra, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 9190

Lyra is on a hunt. A human has been living in ponyville for about 3 months in hiding from her and her alone. and now Lyra is determined to capture this human and have the Q&A she has been dreaming of since fillyhood.

For years Lyra has been obsessed with humans to the point where its become disturbing. Everything she says has to be about humans. Imagine how bad things would be if a human ACTUALLY showed up.

Your name is Anon, you are human and you have been living in Twilight's spare room for about three months. On one fate-given day Lyra catches wind of a human living in Ponyville and goes completely nuts determined to find you.
(I'm tired of seeing all this dark and gloomy Human involved stories. Time for a little comical change of pace, eh?)
The Hiatus is broken this story will continue

Published 2013-01-27 12:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-22 23:39:06 UTC

The Hunting Herbivore

The Hunting Herbivore

*Pant*

*PANT*

"Where did he go? Come out come out my little human! I don't want to hurt you" a voice from the bushes whispered.
"Lyra, this is stupid. I don't understand why your hunting this human and why you dragged me along."

"Because bonbon..." The second voice paused for a minute. "Your holding the binoculars" One of the two ponies sighed loudly and came out from the bushes and onto the cobblestone path. She was a cream coloured mare with a purple and blue-like mane.

"Bonbon get down!" The other voice cried. Bonbon simply turned to her, shook her head and trotted down the cobblestone trail fading into the night until there was nothing left in sight.

"Fine, more human for me" the other pony who's still in the bush said.

Your name is anon. you are a sixteen year old human from earth who has taken gymnastics for about five years and does amateur parkour around your block during the summer. You have brown hair, pinkish white skin and green eyes. your are small for your age and much lighter than most people your age but at least you are in shape. You are going to need that kind of body for this story.

It was about seven o'clock when you finally arrived in ponyville's recreational park. It was empty save some dog walkers passing by and stargazers setting up for the moon goddess's art to take hold of the night sky. You found that the night was the best time to enjoy yourself because of its privacy. You didn't feel comfortable around a large masses of ponies and you are sure they're not comfortable around you either.

Despite living here for about three months its was only last week that you were discovered roaming the National park in ponyville and being discovered and taken in by Twilight Sparkle, Ponyvilles librarian. After Discovering you she showed you her friends. After a particular Pink pony found you, EVERYPONY knew of your existence, at least, as far as ponyville reaches. Twilight made the town swear to secrecy from any other town knowing about you, she managed it and so far everypony has kept their oath. Last thing you want is to be the next tourist attraction to arrive here. Doing this also created one of the worst nightmares that you have in Equestria; Lyra Heartstrings. You cringe at the thought of her, fearing that by saying her name you may be summoning her like bloody mary.

Perhaps being out here is not a good idea? What if she finds me? These kind of thoughts contaminated you brain while you were quietly eating your sandwich on one of the public benches. "She nothing to be afraid of" you say to yourself.
"You have speed on you side, right?" You ask your sandwich hoping for no answer.

To your surprise, you did get a answer. You turn to see the form of a mare approaching you from the dark cobblestone path behind you.

"Is it normal for humans to talk to their food like that?" the shadow asks.

You duck down below the bench, crossing your fingers and hoping its not Lyra. The form approaches you and starts to gain color.

"Don't worry, its me" Bonbon reassured sitting down next to you.

"Bonbon" you reply "Where's Lyra? isn't she always with you?" You ask her. She returns a concerned gaze and looks away.

"Lyra dragged me around town looking for you, I got fed up and left her. I came here to warn you, last time I saw her she was in this park, anon, she has her tranquillizer gun" We were both silent for a little bit until it finally hit me.

"W-wait she has a what?" you stammer. Bonbon grabbed your arms with her hooves.

"A tranquillizer gun, anon. those things they use to paral-" you put a hand to her muzzle "yea yea I know what a tranquillizer is" you cut her off.

"I should get going the- "

*Snap*
you and bonbon both pause as you hear the sound of a twig break. you both sit there silently, hoping that whatever made the sound would come out or go away.

*Pow*
The first gunshot startled bonbon making her jump into your arms.
"offph~ get off me you cry" She sheepishly crawls off your lap, blushing.
.....

*pow* *pow* *pow*

With shots being fired you see something fly past your face and hit a tree behind you Another getting stuck in the bench beside her and one last one landing just before your feet.

"Tranquillizer - Boar" The dart stuck in the bench had written on the side of it.

You and bonbon both make a break for it, speeds matching. You make it to the park gate while dodging several darts at once and being chased by a insane green unicorn dressed in a hunters outfit.

"Come back human! I just want to talk" she cries out to you.

"I have half a mind not to talk to some crazy pony with a gun!" you yell back to her.

You and bonbon break left into a dead end ally with a short 6 foot brick wall at the end of it. Bonbon turns to you jabbing you in your stomach to get your attention.

"Hey, your a monkey, you can get over this wall right?" You put your hand to your face and groan in exasperation
I'm not a monkey, I'm a human and Yea I probably can get over this but what about you?

"Don't worry about me, she after you not me" she said.

"Come out come out little human" Lyra said. her shadow was reaching the entrance of the ally.

"Get going Anon" Bonbon shoves you in the butt with her head. Without a second thought you run to the wall giving two steps to gain speed and three steps on the wall. You grabbed the top of the wall with your hands and pulled yourself over.
landing with a crash on the other side.

"Oww who leaves stuff like this here.... what is this anyways?" you say, reaching your hand into the bag you fell on. you pull out a spoiled muffin, solid as rock.
The bag had something written on it: "Derpy - Please send to 534 Horse shoe avenue, and please. Please don't eat it this time."

"What the he- you know what, I don't even care" you mumble to yourself.

You get up and brush yourself off and begin rush back to the library.

Once you arrive at the library you frantically knock at the door.
"Library's closed" a voice replies.

"Spike its me, open the damn door" There was a long pause.
"well?" The voice from inside says.

"Well what?" you ask in response.

"Aren't you going to apologize?" Spike responds.

You deadpan "Apologize for what?"

"For being so rude, if you wan't in your gonna have to ask politely" Spike said with a chuckle.

you look down the road and see a light coming closer to you.
"Shoot shoot shoot what do I do?" you think to yourself.

"Alright spike you win, I'm sorry, Can you please open the door"
There was another long silence.

"What's the magic word" Spike said.

You look down the street.

"Dammit its getting closer, I'm running out of time"

"Is the code word: Please?" you mumble.

"Nope" he replies.

"Open sesame?"

"Nope."

"Abracadabra."

"Not even close."

You start to get annoyed.

"How bout: Spike if you don't let me in I'm going to kick your sorry scaled flank to the moon and tell rarity about that song you were singing in the shower. hows that for a password?"

There was another silent pause.

"T-that's right" he replies opening the door.

You were about to enter when someone or, somepony cries out for you. Wait human stop! I just want to talk to you and look at your haaaaaandsss. You turn to see a green mare closing in on you at amazing speeds that can possibly make dash proud.
frightened, you close the door just in time to hit her directly on the nose.

you open the door again to see a temporarily stunned mare at your doorstep.
"Sorry..." you whisper gently close the door again.

Author's Note

I really don't want to toot my own horn but a first person lyra- human story? has that been done before? hehe I'm a genius
I really hope you guys are as excited about the outcome of this story as I am. i find it quite brilliant.

You know the drill. Grammar errors are a given so lets hunt them down together!
also Constructive criticism is encouraged. Bad criticism like "This sucks" or "never write again" Is not.
I don't think i have ever made a story THAT bad to even get that kind of comment so... um.... forget I said anything hehe

The Persistent Predator

The Persistent Predator

"So let me get this straight." Twilight pauses to take a sip of her early morning coffee and to cross her hooves. "Lyra has a tranquillizer gun, and ambushed you and Bonbon in Ponyville's recreational park?"
"Yea! She has boar tranq darts as well. Just ask Bonbon."
Twilight sets down her coffee and leans in closer to you, stretching over her coffee table, a smug look on her face.
"And what were you and Bonbon doing in the park at that time of night?"
You take a minute to grasp what she's getting at, looking away from her.
"W-wait what? What do you think I was doing?! I told you I-I was eating my sandwich!" you protest. You realize you are now leaning on the edge of your chair, hands clawing at the bottom of the table. You calmly set yourself on the chair again.
"Anon, nopony leaves a house in the middle of the night, and then walks about twelve minutes to a dark, cold park, just to eat a sandwich."
"Well, I'm not anypony, remember?" you point out.
Twilight leans in to you again.
"If you want to know what I think, I think you and Bonbon were-"
You stumble off the chair and cover your ears with your hands. "BLAH BLAH BLAH! I don't want to hear it. I told you what I was doing and that's that."
You and Bonbon are just friends, with the same odd hatred for Lyra and her obsession. Other than that, you and Bonbon share no other interests.
"Listen, Twilight, Bonbon and I are hardly friends, much less what you are assuming. I'm going to go to Sugarcube Corner and chill for a while," you say.
"Fine by me, just be careful. I don't want to see your hand or head on display in Lyra's living room, got it?" Twilight said jokingly. You cringe at the thought of a stuffed version of yourself by the fireplace of an insane, green unicorn.
"Yea sure. I'll try," you say, feeling no more classy comebacks in you.

With that, you head out the door.

With your first steps out into Ponyville's streets, you are immediately attacked by the smell of freshly baked goods.
You look down at your phone, which Twilight has been persistently charging with electrical magic.
*Beep*
7:43 AM
"Sugarcube corner shouldn't be open for another hour or so. I should be able to hang out there before anypony comes along to cause some stupid issues," you say, chuckling and remembering last night's nosebleed unicorn.
"I really hope she's alright. She hasn't bothered me for a full three hours; that's a new record." You shudder, remembering what happened last night.
"How did she even get to my second story window anyways?" you ask nopony in particular.
"Oh that's simple; she used magic to get up there!" Pinkie Pie says. Wait, what?
You turn around to see Pinkie walking behind you on her hind legs.
"What? Where did you come from? And... what are you doing?"
"Silly Anon, what do you think I'm doing? I'm following you!" Pinkie says, resting her forehoof on your shoulder.
As weird as it seems, ponies are about the same height as humans when they are walking like one; Celestia would be a giant.
"Okay, I understand that you’re following me, but why are you walking like that?"
Pinkie looks at you as if she has no idea what you’re talking about.
"What do you mean?" Pinkie replies.
You smack your face with your hand in frustration.
"These ponies... sometimes," I mumble.
"Anyways, we’re here!" Pinkie cheers.
"Yea I can see that Pinkie.... Wait, how did you know I was headed here an- and she's gone, oh well," you say.
You head into Sugarcube Corner, completely unaware of the certain somepony stalking your every move.

"Like a fly to a web," an oddly placed bush mumbles.

"So let me get this straight. Lyra is trying to throw you a party, and you keep avoiding her?" Pinkie says from the back room.
"Ye- wait, no. She's trying to capture me and turn me into her pet or do something to me," you reply while forking your freshly made pancakes into your mouth.
"Well it’s not very nice to assume things like that," somepony says behind you.
"N-no, well I suppose it isn't, but when somepony chases after you with a tranquillizer gu…. Wait a minute, who's talki- Oh sh-"
You are about to run when you suddenly feel a terrible stinging feeling near your backside. You look down to see a blue striped dart sticking from your butt.
"Oh no...."
Everything starts to spin. Your words are becoming unintelligible slurs, and the simplest of abilities are closing off to you.
"Finally, I have you for myself and myself alone. Now nopony will separate us. You'll be mine, forever. For now there is nothing more for you to do, so sleep," a certain green unicorn with two cotton tissues in her nose whispers in your ear.
You suddenly feel very tired. You stumble off your chair, pancakes falling on your limp body.
"Pinkuh... Pinkuh helup," you struggle to say.
"Huh. Anon, did you say something?" Pinkie says.
"No, nothing important Pinkie! I was just saying how wonderful your pancakes are," Lyra says. She is using some sort of mimicry spell to copy your voice.
"Oh, well, thank you Anon! What a super amazing compliment! That's what friends are for!" Pinkie says.
You start to feel you body being lifted and stuffed into a burlap sack.
"Dammit Pinkie, dammit Lyra..." you say before officially drifting off to sleep.

Author's Note

I'm so sorry for the short chapter the next chapter is going to be longer.
I honestly, truly didn't think this story would have so many views, I'm so happy I could just scream..... woohoo

Anyways More lyra to come in the next chapter stay tuned.

Special thanks to Alaborn for fixing this chapter!!

The Hunted Human

The Hunted Human

*Tick*
*Splash*
*Tick*
*Splash*
*Tick*

The sound of water droplets struck your sensitive ears as you regain consciousness.
You open your eyes to find yourself in near darkness. Small brown rays of light hit your face through the burlap sack you were being held captive in. Attempting to move your hands you shake and wiggle around in the little space that was provided to you only to find your hands restrained behind your back with rope.

"Ah, I see your awake." A clearly altered autotune voice begins. Where the pony got a autotune machine was beyond you but she had that sort of voice you used to hear from mysterious villain characters from cartoons that were hiding in the shadows commanding they're minions to capture Inspector gadget *ahem.* The only difference Is that YOU are inspector gadget now and you are no longer in the safety of your house watching It.

You struggle around in the bag trying to find some sort of hole you can see through. A shadowy form begins to overshadow your foreign light and begins take the form of a pony through the burlap sack.
Accompanied by the shadow were five more Silhouettes . From the Silhouettes you can determine that three of your captors were unicorns one a pegasus and one would be what seems to be a earth pony. Shadows can be deceiving but you could swear you saw one holding some sort of surgical knife. The other ponies looked rather bulky and dangerous. They are probably here to make sure you don't escape.

"What is this place, Where am I, who are y-... Wait a second... Lyra? " You say.

"w-what? NO this is not Lyra" The autotune voice said in a panic.

"Lyra I'm home! it's Bonbon. What are you doing down there?" A distanced voice said.

"I'm having a HCA meeting, go away!" Lyra cried back in response.

There was some silence then bonbon said.

"I got you that blind bag human doll you wanted from Haymart, come up here and get It!" Bonbon said.

Lyra squeed in delight making that weird squeak toy noise you noticed everypony is capable of making out of thin air. Heading towards the door she accidentally kicked the table you seemed to be perched on top making you fall on your side.

The closes shadow to you (you assume is Lyra) galloped out of the room slamming the door behind her. You take this as a opportunity to escape. You squirm around in the bag until you finally feel an opening. you force your head at the hole until it breaks open, freeing you head (only) from its captivity.

You look around the room, examining everything. Those four mysterious ponies seemed to be a bunch of nerdy ponies you see around town, none of which seem to notice you trying to escape yet. most of their faces are decorated with pimples and their manes frazzled.The most interesting thing about them was that they all seem to be wearing clothes , human clothes. dress shirts and pants, ties and gloves that were flopped because they were lacking fingers filling them. Oh, and the surgical knife, A pencil. The suspected nerd pony was in the far left corner attempting to draw a human on the banner, With his hoofs.

"Humans don't stand on fours" you thought to yourself.

Above the nerds was the banner: HCA Human Catching Association no neighsayers allowed!

"This just got weird- oh shoot" You say, you mentally cover your mouth as you realize you alerted the nerds of your escape attempt.
They all begin to swarm around you asking you several questions at once, occasionally shoving each other out of the way. you think you saw one pony bite another ones ear.

What kind of food do you eat?

What kind of habitat do you live in?

Is it true that your an omnivore?

Are you going to eat us?

Do these pants make my flank look fat?

You were about to close your eyes and cry when another voice came from the far left of you.

"Hey! you guys! I said no peaking in the bag, now you spoiled the surprise!

you turn to see Lyra holding a fully dressed human doll with her magic.

"Lyra what's going on? what is this? Why can't you just leave me alone?" You say.

"Anon, Would you like to hear my life story? "

"No." You reply bluntly.

"Well too bad because I'm telling you anyways" Said Lyra.

You yawned in exasperation before pretending to drift off to sleep.

"COME ON I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED YET" Lyra yelled

"Once upon a time" she began ~

Author's Note

A quick update so we can check on our little protagonist and see if he's woken up yet.
I feel like explaining stuff next chapter so be prepared for a flashback chapter next time. Sorry for the late post btw. School and stuff does that.

I knew this chapter wasn't going to have much In it (more of a filler) so I wanted to at least make it funny ^^

Anon's Magic Band

"I've always had an Undying interest in anthropomorphic creatures like Minotaurs and Apes but never have I met they're Predecessors. Legend always told of Humans being extinct, some believe they never existed at all. But I know hehe; I know they exist, I have proof now. Just imagine it, Lyra Heartsrings; Master Anthropologist and amazing hunter of mythological creatures "

"They'll call me.... ahem... " Lyra climbs atop the table
"Lyra van Strings!" Lyra chanted making the nerds around her stomp their hoofs in appreciation.

"Then what of me?" You point out. "What will happen to me once I'm officially captured."

The nerds look up at Lyra and at each other, Lyra was the first to speak.
"Well.... we were thinking we could test on you. just some simple mental and physical tests then after maybe put you In a zoo with other monkeys. being their predecessor maybe you could learn to evolve into a proper ape. or maybe the apes will become more like you, talking and wearing clothes and stuff like that.

Well, let me just stop you right there. Everypony in the room stopped and stares at you.

Well for one, humans are not the predecessor of apes and I'm sure we're not predecessor of Minotaurs either. heck, you would probably be called crazy if you even said you saw a Minotaur on my planet much less to claim to be a great great great ancestor of one.

Everypony gasped and looked up at their "so-called" leader for confirmation.

"h-how is that possible, my books they all said- And they were wrong? " Lyra began to cry.
"My life's work... worthless"

You were starting to feel sympathetic for the green loser. still In the potato bag you squirm to her side.

"Hey want to know something?" You say to Lyra

"No" she replies jokingly.

You too both exchange laughs before you begin. after all, you had an idea.

"The human race began over 200 million years ago from the magma below magmatharon mountain which still stands today." You began. Everypony gathered around you with note pads and quills ready to eat up your lies like hay fries.
"Back then humans were not bipedal but walked on fours like you."

We were predators, hunting larger animals with our wits, cunning, power and *ahem* magic
Lyra was the only one to gasp in awe at that. You knew that what you were saying was a bunch of crap but you really didn't feel like explaining the true origin of humans considering how you didn't really know all of It.

"Yes Lyra, magic." You continue. "Humans used to have powerful magical abilities back then. that's how we survived the harsh elements. My ancestors used magic in their everyday lives up until the late gorgaorgen era 400 years ago during the Star war on planet Han solo. That's when... It was STOLEN!" coincidentally, Lighting struck the window causing a startling booming noise It also shut the power off; leaving us in darkness, well all except for my glow in the dark armband.

"Whoops, I just don't know what wen't wrong" A voice from outside yells.

"Wh-what is that? inside the sack? Is that some of your magic anon?" Lyra asked curiously.

You grin knowing they can't see your face in this dark, you have an idea on how get out.
"why yes, yes it is. I would looove to show you it so you can study on it but..... I'm a little.... tied up at the moment" you say.

"Oh that's no problem at all" Lyra said happily. her horn lit up and shot a beam at the sack that was constricting me, slowly tearing it fabric like some sort of lazer beam.

"Thank you" you say happily. you stretch your arms out. The ponies eyes following your banded hand.

"Oh yes, this old thing. This is the MAGIC BAND OF GORGENTHAR invented by my great great grandfather Issac Clarke who suffered from minor Dementia " you say, trying not to burst out in laughter at the stupid name you made up."

everypony gasped in awe as you take off the band and placed it down for them to examine.
"w-what does it do?" one pony asked to you curiously.

"Well other than look well on me, everything..." you reply simply. It was easy to convince these ponies that your plastic 50cent rubber Glowband was a mythological magic band from a far away land.

The ponies gasp in awe as you say that. Its only a matter of time unt- "show us" somepony broke your thought. There it is.
"Well I would love to show you but you see, this is a very powerful device, not something to be used inside such a small area. I'm afraid I would need to be outside to show you.

Your thankful for the power outtage and for their lack of other lights. as of now, the only lights are from the glow band and Lyra's horn.

"Haha there is no way in Tartarus I'm letting you out of here that easily, only a foal would not see that's just some stupid rubber band you get from the joke shop." Lyra objected.

Crap they have them here too. time for plan "B"

"Exactly what we want you to think. Are you sure its a fake band? are you willing to take the risk of missing out on real alien technology?" you say, trying your best to intimidate her and her theory.

"W-well...." she turns to see many faces on her, some with plead and others with anger.

"Alright, Lets see this magic band of yours anon, but no funny business" Lyra said. she opened up the door leading you out into the backyard.

~~~~~~Twilight Pov~~~~~~~~

You, Twilight sparkle are enjoying your daily walk around ponyville, it keeps you in shape, not to mention you were looking for something, somebody to be exact. you decided the first place to look was Lyra's home knowing her....... obsession.

"Alright let's see this magic band of yours anon, but no funny business." A familiar voice said from beyond the fence.
"wait anon?" you watch the scene unfold through a hole in the fence. You see anon standing in the backyard around a set of small rocks. You also see anon holding the glow band he bought from Canterlot the week before.

"Alright, for my first trick of magic, I shall make these rocks dance around me! " Anon announced to his small audience of nerds and Lyra. They all clapped their hooves expectantly, well, all except Lyra who seemed to be doubting It.

"I didn't know Humans could do magic, Anon has never said anything about them being able to, I gotta see this.
You watch as the human walks around the rock patch while doing some motions with his hands, almost as if hes trying to lift them off the ground. you couldn't help but chuckle loudly at his attempts. You cover your mouth quickly to make sure nopony hears you.

*you look back into the hole and find that nopony noticed you outburst but somebody did.
you notice he is staring slightly at you, making motions with his mouth.
"kelp me?"
"kelp tree?"
"help me?" yea that's definitely a help me. but for what? oh no, did he get captured by Lyra and is forced to entertain them like a magic monkey slave? That has to be it! how much times has my intuition failed me? "

You look around to see your talking to no one.

"Alright fine, I'll help him." You leave the fence to find a better line of sight.

~~~~~` Anon Pov~~~~~~

"Alas there seems to be something wrong with it" you say knocking it with your other hand knowing perfectly well nothing will ever happen.
"Come on, I told you this was garbage, Lets go." Lyra said. Her horn started to light up as the backyard door opened. She was motioning you in.
"Come on gods of magic, I know you exist. you decided to plop me in a magical world of unicorns and mythology and I'm sure it wasn't for this." you think to yourself. Just as you do, you notice your band changed color. from a creepy green to a glowing purple.

"Anon? anon can you hear me?" a voice said from your head.

"Oh good you can hear me, don't talk but listen, I'm going to get you out of here with teleportation but the thing is, teleporting someone else somewhere will take a bit of time, your going to have to stall them to stay outside. I enchanted your Gorgenthar band? Is that what your culture calls glowbands? whatever, just give them a show until I'm ready.
Trusting the voice as twilight you obey.

"W-wait Lyra!" you stick your hand out towards her and the door. immediately you had glows with a purple aura along with the door. "good, Anon, now just think about what you want to happen" Twilight said in your head.

You think of the door slamming shut before they can enter again. Magically your wish is granted as the door slams, bonking Lyra on the muzzle.. again. All the other ponies cheered, except for Lyra who was unconscious by the door.

"Alright, I have made the magic band work!" observe as I entertain you for a little longer!"

You raise your banded hand as all the rocks around you begin to circle you and dance around with life.
everypony was cheering, stamping their hoofs against the ground. All except Lyra who was still unconscious.

"I'm almost done, one more trick should do make it a big one."

You close your eyes, you were ready to conjure up the magic, you know wasn't yours.

The rock, by magic, lifted themselves into the air and began to swirl themselves in patterns.
The ponies all applauded again, you think you heard one of them say "The magic is strong with this one"

"Alright, anon ready when you are." Twilight said.

You ignored her, you were to captivated by the magic blessed upon you.

"ANON! " a voice shouts in your head. your arm band reverts back to its green color and the rocks fall back down, some hitting you on the head.
Everypony started laughing.
"Wow, I never knew all this about humans, this is so amazing" one nerd said
"I sure wish Lyra was a wake to see this" another said.

Now's my chance.

"and for my final closing act, I shall make myself disappear!" everypony stopped laughing instantly.
"d-did he just say he was going to disappear?" one said to the other.
"Well we can't let him to that" one of the only females said. They all begin to approach you with shovels and hoses and other things they could find around the yard.

"Uh... Twi, I could really use your help right now" You say out loud.

"Don't worry I got you." Twilight replied.

Soon your body begins to glow purple, startling the ponies around you, they prepare to pounce at you but before they could grab you, you disappear leaving them to bonk heads. and pass out as well.

!!!!! three hours later!!!!!!
Whhaph do youf meffh youf losf him?
((What do you mean you lost him!)) Lyra shouted through her muffle at one of the nerd-ponies. her voice sounded clogged since her entire muzzle was heavily wrapped by bandages. The other ponies fared no better. Some had casts and others eye patches. All because of one human, you.

"I don't know how he did it, he just.... poof!" He did say some thing about Twilight though.

"thhhght ? thhhght spharkhle ?" Lyra broke out into a grin which she had to stop because her jaw was bruised.
(Twilight ? Twilight Sparkle? )
"mfffph mpph mffh mppfh mthigh lightppph?"
(So you want to play that game twilight?)

Lyra steps toward the window, slowly stroking her blind bag human doll.

"Apph geft you neft timph anon, neeft timph"
("I'll get you next time anon, next time!")
·

Author's Note

Well I promised you a longer chapter so this is what you get. lol
Let me just say, Anon magic was a spur of the moment thing, he will not get anymore magic chances like that again. unless i realllly change the script but I doubt that.

I hope my references brought you some nostalgia, see If you can count how much references and while your at It, favorite, share and follow for MOAR!

It seems I'm getting better and better at making stories, much less errors and punctuation fails. Granted I have had a lot in my time here but it had been attempted and prevented :) please do tell me If there is any that needs to be pointed out

Lyra Puts her royal hoof down!

Lyra Puts her royal hoof down!

~The story thus far.

"I've always had an Undying interest in anthropomorphic creatures like Minotaurs and Apes but never have I met they're Predecessors."

"They'll call me....Lyra van Strings!"

"Then what of me? What will happen to me once I'm officially captured?"

"Yes Lyra, magic. Humans used to have powerful magical abilities back then."

"h-how is that possible, my books they all said- And they were wrong? "

"Wh-what is that? inside the sack? Is that some of your magic anon?"

"Oh yes, this old thing. This is the MAGIC BAND OF GORGENTHAR invented by my great great grandfather Issac Clarke who suffered from minor Dementia "

"Alas there seems to be something wrong with it"

I'm going to get you out of here with teleportation but the thing is, teleporting someone else somewhere will take a bit of time, your going to have to stall them to stay outside.

"Come on, I told you this was garbage, Lets go."

"Alright, I have made the magic band work!" observe as I entertain you for a little longer!"

"I'm almost done, one more trick should do make it a big one."

"Alright, anon ready when you are." Twilight said.

"and for my final closing act, I shall make myself disappear!"

"I don't know how he did it, he just.... poof!"

"I'll get you next time anon, next time!"

~ Present time~

The serene silence of the library was interrupted by a large, fabric ripping portal opening in the center of the room.
Such a thing was common In twilight's living room so spike, who was reading a book on the couch next to the portal organized operation B-13. Spike grabbed a bat which was behind the couch and readied himself to hit whoever or what ever came out In the face, thinking it was a intergalactic pony thief he aimed his bat to where a head would usually be on a pony. unfortunately that same spot is also a particular part of a human.

Out of the portal came two entities cloaked in black, (since it takes about 12 seconds to regain your color after exiting a portal) Spike, not prepared for two, swung his bat expecting to hit them both at once.
The pony silhouette saw this just in time.

"Spike no!" The silhouette said while ducking under the bats swing, however the second silhouette was not as lucky.

Despite all spike's effort to stop the bat, it was too late. The bat neared its target and impacted against the second silhouette's crotch.

~Anon's Pov~

"Well, damn." you take a moment to say before falling to the floor writhing in pain. "Damn it spike! why did you do that?"
Twilight shouted to spike.

"You told me to! operation B-13 remember?"

"In the event that a seemingly inter-dimensional portal was to open in the living room I was to ready myself with a bat and aim for the head, and if its bipedal, probably the crotch." Spike recites. "Remember we did this before when Anon first arrived?"

You don't believe any of this, except for the fact that this happened twice now. This time spike did it on purpose.
"Bull Poop" you cry out "your a liar, you obviously did that on purpose!" you say finally standing, well not really, your on your knees and hands right now.

"Why would I do that on purpose anon?" Spike said, trying to sound innocent.

"because you enjoy being a little brat to me"

"Anon! that was completely unn-"

"Well so what If I enjoy it? what are you going to do about it?" spike said getting up in your face.

Got him~

"Absolutely nothing, but I'm sure twilight has something to say about this though."

Spikes facial expression dropped to one of worry. he slowly turned his head to see a more than angry twilight right behind him.

o-oh hi twilight I didn-

"Don't you oh hi twilight me!" how could you be some rude to our guest. what has he ever done to you?"

"Absolutely nothing" you add into before he gets too.

"And you anon, zip it. your still in the same boat he is right now!"

You have never seen twilight so angry before, When she want ponies to be friends she will go though all effort to make it happen, even to the point of aggression. she's worst than pinkie pie.

"Now both of you, go to your rooms and think about this!"

"What? why? you can't tell me to go to my room, I'm not your kid!" you say in defiance.

Twilight turns to you with a sharp glare, since you were still on your knees from the "incident" twilight seemed taller than you. you glared into her soul sucking purple eyes for a bit before she finally spoke up.

"Do you want to sleep outside? I'm sure Lyra is going to add Extra precaution If she captures you again, and I won't be there to save you."

You started up a reply but you stop realizing she was right.

You and spike slowly nod. You get up on two's again and drag yourself up the stairs.

"emasculated by a tiny purple unicorn.... Great..." you mumble

"You get used to It" spike replies equally with a mumble.

-Twilight's Pov- 10 mins later

Watching Anon and spike drag themselves up the stairs gave you a tingling feeling of dominance and victory.
You were going to celebrate your metaphorical victory over a good read when suddenly another portal opened up.
You grab the bat that was left on the floor by spike and ready it. from the portal came a black silhouette unicorn.
well, what came out was a black silhouette unicorn. now its a green unicorn sprawled across the floor with a bat to its side

"Oh my Celestia its Lyra! I'm so sorry." you apologize, helping Lyra to her hooves.

"Don't be" Lyra replies

"I'm here for the human"

"Um how about no."

Lyra conjures up a paper and begins writing on it, when she finished she tossed it to you and teleported away.

You pick up the scroll and examine it for any tricks or explosive spell glyphs, after finding none you open it and begin reading.

Dear Twilight.... GIVE ME THE HUMAN
If do you not comply I will be forced to add legal and royal action onto this situation, and believe me, they'll listen.

You were slightly taken aback from this, for duration of Anon living here, the whole town has kept his existence a secret from any other city and even the princess, how will she react to the fact we've been hiding this from her. she might start experimenting on him. but then Lyra wouldn't get to. why would she risk that? you continue to read the scroll.

If I can't have him, no one can.
Best wishes, Lyra von Heartsrings.

Well that explains the Royal part but you are forced to wonder what the legal part Is.

~BonBon's Pov~ 5 Prior to the teleportation.

"Bonbon I'm going out!" Lyra cries out to you.

"Ugh not again" you say to yourself.

"You better not be hunting for that human again!" You cry out in reply.

"Not this time Bonnie" she replies. You drop your cake batterer in shock making a loud clatter noise.

"Wow over do it much." Lyra replies entering the Kitchen with you.

"T-then who are you hunting Lyra?" You reply.

"Bonnie I'm insulted! Must I always be hunting something. I'm simply delivering a message to Twilight."

"Is it about the human Lyra?" you reply in a deadpan.

"Y-yes but listen It's important!, do you remember what I used to do before I became a street performer?" Lyra asks you; sounding much more serious now.

"Uh, yea you worked In the castle as, what was it? a scientist? " you replied.

"Exactly, a royal scientist..." Lyra replies looking quite proud of herself.

"......"

"So?" you reply.

"SO, one of the advantages of being a royal scientist is to examine paranormal anomalies, like anon." Lyra explains.

"So that means..." You reply.

"It means, by law, Twilight has to hand over Anon to the nearest qualified researcher, for the safety of the ponies of Equestria "

"But Anon's not dangerous at all! I doubt he could hurt a fly if he tried." You reply angrily.

"The princess doesn't know that, heck, she doesn't even know he is here in Equss. All i need to say is that Twilight is harboring a dangerous alien and It is my royal and legal duty to take him into scientific custody." Lyra replies with a wide smirk on her face.

~ I win.

"Lyra this is Insane why can't you just leave them al-" Before you can finish she teleported away.
"Alone." you finish.

Author's Note

Well there you have it. sorry for the long wait. and it may be an even longer wait for the next. you know, Life happened and It hurts, believe me. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing- er - typing it. But one things for sure, shits about to go down.

A bad first impression

A bad first impression

((I am going to reintroduce the characters just like this because it has been a while. fear not! the story is continuing from where it was left off))

It was morning in ponyville and the sun was at its usual high. The birds were chirping and the ponies outside were crowding the streets their conversations fused together to make incoherent garbles. It wouldn't be long before the rays of sunlight reached a certain treebrary and eventually broke through a certain ponies room, waking her up.

This pony's name is twilight sparkle.

Across the hall, up the stairs and down a corridor there is a not so sun happy night dweller who is also about to be woken up in due time.
This human creature's race is not common for night dwelling for his kind functions best in the day. however he is the exception. This diurnal yet self proclaimed nocturnal human is currently sleeping in the guest bed. The reason why this human is still sleeping is because this human was up all night running from a technicolor pony that we will get to some other time. For now, this human is going to wake up, whether he likes it or not.

As the due time previously mentioned hit. The human's alarm clock went off. If not the alarm clock, it would have been the sun rays attacking his corneas through his eyelids from the window. however this human, dealing with the sun every day, closed the curtains the night before to prevent the ambush of the solar rays.

This has been the the recurring process of this human's life for the past three months and two weeks in equestria.
Though the day just started, he is certain of the follow up. He will eat breakfast with twilight, get chased around by Lyra. Get rescued by Twilight, and then sleep.

The human, anon decides that today, he will sleep in. Its not like Lyra cant wait to chase you anyways.
~~~

By the time that anon fell back asleep, Twilight was already fully awake and halfway done breakfast for breakfast is easy to make and eat when its hay.
Spike was also just getting up.
"Hey Twilight I got a message for you, It from the princess!" Spike said.

"Really? when did that come here? oh celestia I hope celestia doesn't think I'm ignoring her"
Twilight said while scampering back and forth for quills and parchment.

"Don't worry about It twi" spike said with exhaustion in his voice. "just read it"

Twilight rushed over to spike and scooped up the scroll from his hand. Reading it aloud It said.

My dearest student, Twilight sparkle.

I have received word from an anonymous pony in ponyville that you had a alien creature in captivity
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING. You found a alien creature and decided to keep it to yourself? It needs to be examined and studied for the safety of others.
I will be coming down to ponyville with some guards, and a cage. I'm sorry to do this but this is far out of your hooves Twilight.

Princess Celestia of Equestria

immediately the paper crumpled and burst itself into flames the fire was white like the princess's coat. the white fire swirled around the center of the room and formed a large swirling portal.

"What's going on?" Spike shouts. The force of the portal was throwing him around. he clawed at the ground a little before being knocked against a bookshelf, knocking him out.

seeing spike get knocked she didn't notice the horse head statue flying right towards her. The wooden statue clubbed her across the head, knocking her out as well.

~~~

You were too busy showering and singing many ensembles from your weird alien world to hear or notice the commotion downstairs. It wasn't until owlicious flew into the shower and landed on the "heat handle" turning it to its fullest potential. You stumbled and jumped about in the shower. You always hated that bird. You turn to go back in the shower but slip, knocking your jaw against the shower. You get back up and notices the blood on your face and soap in your eyes. In a blind blur of anger and soap you grabs for owlicious who easily dodges your hands and starts clawing at your face and body. You stumble out of the bathroom and run down the hall with owlicious chasing after you angrily. you is naked but that is not your concern right now, what should concern him is the staircase hes not paying attention to.

You falls down the stairs landing on something soft, blurry and lavender. You look around the living room in a daze.
until you sets your eyes on a elegant large pony figure in the middle of the library behind her was some "not so elegant" guards in yellow.
The larger pony had a radiant light glowing from her and was blinding to look at but as she got closer your eyes readjusted to discover that the blinding light was none other than Princess Celestia, Ruler of Equestria.

What Is she doing here? Why are some of those guards holding nets? She not that tall compared to what Twilight cuts her out to be. you guess Its a four legged thing where everything is taller than it actually is. Like being here is smurf city because everything is so low to the ground. seriously! Sitting in a chair is the equivalent of sitting straight down here. and the seats are so wide, probably so that the ponies can fit their whole lower half on it.

Your rambling was cut short by a net being thrown over your head. It wasn't an actual large animal net mind you. no, it was, I kid you not, a bugs net. What were they planning on doing with this? The pony holding the net over you looked petrified. so you did the smartest possible thing for someone with a minor concussion. You grab the net by the handle and lift yourself up along with the net, and the pony who was too afraid to let go.

"What is that thing?" One guard said to the princess.

"Looks like some giant airless gorilla" another said.

"Who the buck cares? its just some wild animal, I mean, look at it! confused, bloody and do you see Twilight Sparkle behind it, he must have done that too!" another one said, approaching with a spear.

You backed up to try and speak a some sort of case and maybe talk them out of it but you found your speech was impeded. It was probably when you fell on the shower and bit your tongue really hard.

You tried to speak anyways only to find it that your words came out as incomprehensible slurs. Did I mention you always hated that bird.

You attempt to reason with them through sign language.
It later came to no surprise that their lack of hands rendered sign language useless and instead of doing good, made it seem like you were mocking them, or casting some weird spell. Princess Celestia looked like she was losing her patience with whatever you were trying to do. She also looks like shes looking beyond you.. weird. she nudges her head a little to the left, you wonder why? does the have a itch and is too regal to scratch it? wait... wasn't there 5 guards? wheres the fit-

your though was cut short by.... everything. Instantly you fall to your knees and start convulsing. You then fall to your side to see somepony behind you. her horn was also letting out tiny electric shocks as the horns glow begins to fade.
damn, how did she get behind me?

you try to move but you can't. also two of the ponies are dragging you into a cage they brought. They appear to be having trouble pulling you. The princess rolls her eyes, she picks you up with her magic and throws, well tosses you into the cage, locking it behind you. You watch the princess and the guards that were placing spike and twilight on those doctor lift things.

You then feel yourself being lifted. The cage you were in is being lifted and placed into a bigger cage. I respect them for their precaution. You feel like this is a giant ironic misunderstanding and once you get your speech abilities back hopefully you can explain the situation and everything will be fine.

You take one last glance at the freedom you are sacrificing unwillingly before the windowless cage/cell closes fading everything to black.

To be continued

Author's Note

WOW ITS GOOD TO BE BACK

Dance Monkey Dance! [Anon's Part]

Dance Monkey Dance! [Anon's Part]

You wake up to a wetness on your face and a dripping on your nose. Getting up you feel hay below you. Though you just got up, you feel dizzy and exhausted. You manage to stand up and walk a little only to fall over on a colder more stone like surface. You decide the best way to see is to open your eyes, obviously. Due to the darkness of the room you see nothing except for the the moonlight shining through the small barred window near the ceiling, way out of your reach.

Using any energy you accumulated within your shorty time being awake, you jump for the barred window only to miss it by quite a embarrassing amount . You also have some sort of anti-bite mask on over your mouth. You found this out when you fell on your face just now.

Where are you? You cant be in prison. Its not like you did anything. you were unable to speak properly due to the mask blocking you mouth. But it did not interrupt your hearing. You feel vibrations coming from the floor. You place your ear down and hear some steps approaching, presumably hoofsteps. The step got louder and louder and eventually you could hear several steps. The stepping noise stopped in front of your cell.

There was a silence followed by a loud cranking sound, then a grinding sound, followed by the sound of pistons? yea, definitely pistons, then finally a door opening. the darkness of the room was conquered and dominated by the foreign light from beyond the door. The foreign light from the door opened and from it the silhouette of a pony appeared. What is up with these ponies and appearing from blinding lights?!?

You were still in a daze which only worsened when you stared into the light. Disregarding this you focus on the silhouette and from it three other pony silhouettes appeared.

They were silent and so were you. It was most likely a silent and mutual stare down between you and the three silhouettes until someone breaks. You had a feeling that the pony was not playing this game. The silhouette turned to one of his associates and whispered something to it. The silhouette nodded. The silhouette nodded and left the room the stare down proceeded. damn this guy is good. The other pony returns with a what seems to be a large rod. upon closer inspection you notice the silhouette is placing something inside it. Steeping out of the light, she steps up to you. with an item in hoof you know all to well. A tranquilizer gun.

Oh no, you are not going to be poked with another one of those darts no matter what the author says.
Against the authors plans You grab the tranquilizer by its neck and move it from your face. This pony honesty should have expected something like this. being confused, dazed, tired and maybe, just maybe scared you yank the gun from her and throw her to the ground. you point the gun at the pony at the door. wait.. just one pony, wasn't their three of the-

Welp this is what happens when you don't listen to the author. *ahem*
You feel yourself getting yanked off your feet and dragged back a little. looking down you see a a glowing magic lasso around your stomach. You want to yell and kick like the animal they are treating you like but immediately feel otherwise. you also feel your anger fading. in fact, you feel almost everything fading on an emotional level. Its almost as if the lasso is draining your will. You tilt onto your side and curl into weird sort of fetal position, you cover you ears with your hands to block out the suddenly loud talking. you then feel a pain you your backside again followed by a your vision doubling.
"well crap." your murmur to yourself before passing out.

"Get the ape ready for transport, manehattan zoo is waiting for it."

Author's Note

I am splitting this chapter into several parts for each character. each chapter will be about this size.