Kilowatt Hour Builds an Industrial-Sized Pet Hairdryer
~Oh the lights in town have a bright gold hue,
When the lights go dark, ponies feel blue,
So I keep them lit with my special skill,
I’m the e-lec-trician of Po-ny-ville~
Kilowatt Hour sang an improvised ditty as he trotted around the dim interior of the power shed at the base of Ponyville’s hydroelectric dam. The perky earth pony was having a fairly typical day, all things considered. After all, monitoring the Ponyville power grid required a lot of attention and a good degree of luck, as well as a tolerance for sudden exposure to high voltage. Fortunately, he had all of these things.
There was a soft knock at the door. The electrician opened it to find himself greeted not by any usual customer, but by three fillies from town.
“Well, hey there, girls! What can I do for you?”
“Howdy, Mr. Watt,” said the yellow earth filly in the front. “We hate t’ bother you, but we were wondering if we could buy one of your fancy contraptions.”
“Yeah!” an orange pegasus filly added. “We heard you build stuff sometimes. We figured we might be able to use one of your inventions to help us earn our Cutie Marks!”
Watt smiled pleasantly. “Gee girls, I’d sure love to help, but building machines takes a lot of time and resources. I wish I could give you one for free, but I think you’re gonna need a way to pay for it.”
“Oh, that’s not a problem,” the third filly, a little white unicorn, added. “We have this!”
She held out a hoof. Resting on its surface was an almost laughably tiny ruby.
Watt bit his lip. “Well, that’s swell,” he said, “but it’s a little too small to pay for a whole machine. Why don’t you take that into town instead and buy yourself a nice—”
POP!
FZZZZZZT!
Something in one of the circuits behind Watt suddenly burst, sending a brief shower of sparks cascading across the floor of the power shed. The electrician jumped at the sound.
“Excuse me for a moment, ladies,” he said quickly. He darted into the building’s interior and quickly began reading the data readouts on the power grid’s monitor, searching for evidence on what exactly had blown.
Critical Error
Relay circuit conductors have been damaged
Grid to ground relief channels no longer active
Overload imminent unless repairs are made
Time remaining: 49:23
“Oh, Horseapples,” Watt swore. “How am I supposed to get a new relief conductor in under an hour? I don’t even remember what the other one was made of. Some kind of alloy, I think.”
The earth pony quickly flipped open the large book on his desk, in which he had catalogued the majority of the information necessary to keep his customized power grid up and running.
“Relief conductors, relief conductors… here it is,” Watt mumbled aloud. “Looks like the one that just blew was made of a few ounces of aluminum oxide. But I don’t have time to make a new one! And the only natural source with enough of that alloy to hold the grid steady until I can make a proper conductor would be something like…”
Watt blinked, and glanced at the fillies still standing in the doorway. His ears flattened against his head.
“…like a ruby…”
In a flash, Watt was standing in front of the three visiting fillies again.
“Change of plans!” he said quickly. “Why don’t you girls just give me that ruby and I’ll have something totally super-amazing whipped up for you in a couple days!”
“No can do, Mr. Watt,” said the yellow filly. “Y’see, we’re takin’ care of some critters for a friend today, and we were hoping we could get some kinda contraption from you that might help us get our pet groomin’ Cutie Marks.”
“But after today, we have to give the pets back!” the white filly added. “So we need a super cool pet-grooming invention right now!”
“B-but I don’t have any super cool pet-grooming inventions,” Watt stuttered.
The pegasus filly groaned. “Come on, girls. Maybe we should spend this gem on something else to help us get our Cutie Marks…”
Watt’s pupils contracted. “Wait! L-let’s not be so hasty!” he said quickly. “How about this: you girls wait here for a little, and I’ll build you something right now!”
The fillies exchanged glances. “I guess that’d be ok,” the yellow filly said finally.
“Super!” Watt responded. “Now I can have the ruby, right?”
“Not so fast,” the orange filly said. “We want to make sure our machine is as totally super-amazing as you claim before we pay.”
Watt groaned. “Alright, I don’t have time to argue. Come into my workshop in the back room and we’ll figure this out.”
The three fillies grinned and followed the earth pony into the power shed. He glanced at the grid monitor on the way by.
Time Remaining: 48:07
A moment later, the four ponies were standing in the back room, which functioned as Watt’s workshop. Long lengths of wire and great pieces of sheet metal were strewn about the floor, and a number of half-finished devices were lined up along one wall.
“Ok, girls,” Watt said quickly. “What kind of pet-grooming device are you looking for?”
“That’s easy,” the white filly said. “Once we clean the animals, we have to dry them before we can style them.”
“So you need a… hair dryer?” Watt asked quizzically.
“Not just any hair dryer,” the filly continued. “Do you know how long it takes to dry a coat of fur, even with a hairdryer? No, what we need is an Industrial-Sized hairdryer! One that will get the pets dry super quick!”
“But I can’t build something like that here,” Watt argued. “How would you move it?”
“Good point,” the yellow filly said. “But don’t worry! You can just build it by our treehouse! It’s right at the southwest edge of the Sweet Apple Acres property line.”
Watt glanced nervously around his workshop. He had a few odds and ends lying around, but there was certainly not enough to build a device of this magnitude.
“Alright girls, why don’t you head to the treehouse and wait for me there,” Watt said. “I might have to run a few errands to get all the parts I need, but I’ll have your industrial hair dryer whipped up in a jiffy!”
And with that, Watt rocketed out of the shop.
Being one of the fastest earth ponies in Equestria had certain advantages.
Because of his constant exposure to what could only be considered “more electricity than is healthy”, Watt’s body tended to be filled with excess energy. Sometimes, this near-permanent hyper state got on the nerves of some ponies around him. On the occasion that he needed to be somewhere as quickly as possible, however, it was quite useful.
“Let’s see…” he mumbled aloud as he raced through the streets of Ponyville. “The first thing I’m gonna need is a strong base. Maybe a slab of concrete with some metal stakes to secure it…”
Watt arrived at the scrap yard. Dozens of large pieces of industrial refuse were strewn about on the dirt; most of it was remaining material from local construction projects, and Watt regularly raided it to find odds and ends for his inventions.
“Concrete, concrete, concrete… ah, there!”
Watt spotted the towering pile of irregularly-shaped hunks of concrete. Some of them were absolutely enormous, while others were just small pieces that could be held with one hoof.
Watt finally spotted a medium-sized piece, perfect for the base he was hoping to build. Unfortunately, it was balanced at the very top of the concrete pyramid.
“Oh, hayseed. This is not my day, is it?”
Carefully, Watt started up the side of the cement mountain, shaking slightly as he tried to prevent any loose chunks from slipping out beneath his hooves. Once or twice he stumbled, but he was agile enough to reach the top, causing just one small, rounded piece to clatter down the side.
Watt heaved against the side of the large block. For a moment, it remained still, but after a few seconds of persistence, it tipped and rumbled down the side. He leapt down, landing on the grass next to the slab. Straining, he hoisted it onto his back.
“Now if I can just… just get this… to the cart,” he groaned, struggling to support the block that was heavier than he was.
Step by step, he made his way toward the cart. It was tiring work, but he was making progress.
For a time, anyway.
Unfortunately, fate saw fit to place the one small lump of concrete that had clattered down the pile earlier right in Watt’s pace. The earth pony stepped on it, teetering off-balance on its rounded surface for a fraction of a second.
“Oh, horseapp—”
THUMP.
The three fillies watched as a thoroughly beaten-looking Watt heaved the slab of concrete out of his cart and fastened it to the ground with some steel supports next to the treehouse.
“Alright, there’s the base,” he announced. “The next thing I need is a big turbine, like the ones that power the electrical equipment in the dam. I sure hope I have a replacement one lying around.”
“Anything you want us to do while you’re gone, Mr. Watt?” the yellow filly called.
“Nope, just wait here!” Watt answered, already tearing off down the road again. “I’ll be back soon!”
Watt burst back into the power shed, glancing at the monitor on his way to his workshop.
Time remaining: 27:19
Frantically, the earth pony scampered into his workshop, looking this way and that, but of course, there were no spare turbines lying around.
Figures, Watt thought. I just installed a new turbine in the dam to repair a damaged one last week. Obviously they haven’t delivered a new one yet.
There was only one way to get a turbine on short notice; he’d have to remove one from the dam. That would, of course, keep it from operating at maximum efficiency until it could be replaced, but that was preferable to allowing the whole grid to overload.
Watt exited the power shed and carefully crept into the dark, damp interior of the huge stone dam. Water ran through the channels, spinning six huge metal turbines. The energy they produced was converted into electrical energy in the power shed before being distributed to Ponyville.
Carefully, Watt stepped up next to one turbine. Excess water from above splashed around, drenching his coat as he undid the clasps holding the huge cylinder in place. Metal scraped against concrete as he dragged it out of the water’s flow and down the path to his cart. He shook violently, shedding as much of the excess water as he could.
“Alright, now to make the airflow device, I’ll need a power source, about twenty feet of flexible metal tubing, and a couple of big funnels,” he said aloud.
Some of the materials proved to be available in the workshop. Watt had plenty of metal tubing, and enough wires and transistors to make a power source. What he didn’t have was the proper casing for the power supplies, or any funnels to distribute the airflow over the target space. He carried his supplies out to his cart, glancing yet again at the clock on the way out.
Time Remaining: 21:57
I sure hope I make it in time…
Watt heaved the turbine off the cart and fastened it to the base, which the fillies had decorated with appropriate cautionary black and yellow stripes in his absence. Hastily, he attached the metal tubes to the turbine.
“Mr. Watt, why are you all wet?” the unicorn filly asked.
Watt, who was feeling noticeably less peppy than usual, forced a grin. “Don’t worry about it, kiddo. This thing’s just about done now; I just need a few more parts.”
“Sure we can’t help, Mr. Watt?” the yellow filly asked.
“Nope!” said Watt nervously. “Believe me, it’s all under control.”
He raced off again, wondering if they would believe him when he was having trouble believing himself.
A rapid knocking startled poor old Granny Smith from her afternoon nap. She staggered to the door and opened it to find a nervous-looking earth pony.
“Afternoon, Mrs. Smith,” Watt said. “I was wondering if I could borrow one of the old milk jugs from the barn. I need a canister for electrical wires on short notice.”
Granny Smith yawned. “I don’ know nothing about you young folk and your fancy electrical doodads,” she said sleepily. “Just take a jug so I can get back t’ my nap.”
Watt thanked Granny Smith and raced to the barn, grabbing a large metal milk jug and returning to the clubhouse. He outfitted it with the proper devices and fastened it to the turbine. He switched it on, and watched as the turbine began to spin.
Slowly, the huge fan within the machine turned. It never picked up speed or produced any significant wind.
“Looks like it needs more power,” the pegasus filly said.
“No problem, I just need another jug!” Watt cried, running back to the farmhouse.
Granny Smith had just fallen back asleep when she was again startled awake by desperate knocking. She ambled over to the door and once again found Watt waiting to greet here.
“You again? What do you want?”
“Sorry to bug you again, Mrs. Smith,” Watt said. “But it looks like I’m going to need another jug…”
Granny Smith frowned. “Take it and get off my porch you crazy thingamawhozit. I don’t want nothing to do with you and your tinkerin’.”
Granny Smith closed the door, and Watt grabbed another jug from the barn. A few moments later, it was outfitted with the same set of wires and strapped to the side of the hairdryer. Watt turned it on, and the air began to flow through the tubes.
The fillies inspected the device. “It’s blowin’ now,” the yellow one said, “but it ain’t nothin’ special. This won’t get any pets dry super-quick or nothin’.”
Watt groaned, but there was no time to argue. He took off again.
Granny Smith jumped and tumbled from her rocking chair as the knocking began anew. Grumbling, she got to her hooves and headed for the door. Her lip curled into a scowl as Watt smiled sheepishly at her.
“…Hey Mrs. Smith… I was just wondering.”
“Take it!” Granny Smith crowed. “Take all the Celestia-be-darned milk jugs if that’s what it takes! Just get off m’ property and don’t come back until I’m done with m’ nap!”
Granny Smith slammed the door. Watt ran to the barn and retrieved yet another jug. He returned to the treehouse to find the fillies busily painting the previous canisters red and blue.
“Oh look!” cried the unicorn filly gleefully. “He’s bringing another one! This one can be green!”
Ignoring the fillies' antics, Watt quickly rigged up the last power supply, and finally, the huge machine blasted out air with impressive force.
“Now I just need the funnels!” Watt said frantically. “Be right back, girls!”
“Mr. Watt! Wait!” the yellow filly called.
“No time!” Watt yelled back as he disappeared.
Time Remaining: 5:25
Watt dug through everything in his workshop, but there was simply nothing he could use to build anything that even remotely resembled a funnel. There hadn’t been anything of use at the scrap yard, either. There was a chance there was something he could use back at Sweet Apple Acres, but the thought of dealing with Granny Smith again was not a pleasant one. Watt dashed across town again, passing by the treehouse on his way.
“Mr. Watt, stop!” all three fillies called.
Watt ground to a halt. “Look, girls, I don’t have time to—”
“We have some funnels in the treehouse!” the pegasus filly explained. “They’re left over from the time we tried to get our bee-keeping Cutie Marks. Applejack made us all wear them so we wouldn’t scratch at the stings…”
The other two fillies held up two sturdy-looking funnels, each a perfect fit for the machine. Watt sighed with relief as he attached them and watched the grass beneath them be bent violently down by the force of the air.
“There,” he said tiredly. “One industrial-size pet hairdryer. Can I please have that Ruby now?”
“Look at that girls,” the yellow filly said. “We’ll get out Cutie Marks for sure with this thing!”
The fillies handed Watt the tiny ruby, and after a brief word of thanks, he took off for the power shed.
Watt didn’t even bother to check the monitor. An alarm was blaring as he raced into the building, indicating that an overload was very, very close to occurring. He threw open the panel in the wall and jammed the tiny gem into place. It lit up, indicating that it was doing its job in diverting the energy.
Sighing, Watt trotted over to the monitor to check the system status now that the repair was made.
Critical Error
Relay circuit conductors have been damaged
Functional conductors: One
Non-functional conductors: One
Overload imminent unless repairs are made
Time remaining: 00:03
Watt blinked.
“Well, Ponyfeathers.”
Author's Note
This is just a little story for fun, guys. I had the inspiration during the "Just For Sidekicks" premiere and I couldn't resist.
In case this wasn't already obvious, this is not "Shipping and Handling 2". Honestly I don't think anyone will have trouble figuring that out, but I'll say it anyway just to be safe.
