The Special Requests

"Come on, Pinkie, you can do this. You can tell them."

No, you can't, said the voice in the back of her mind.

"Yes, I can. Don't make me question myself."

I can make you do whatever the fuck I want you to do.

"Don't say mean things to me. I don't wanna have to hurt you. Celestia knows I've tried." The scars on her hoof and indentation marks on her forehead throbbed.

The voice laughed. You really think a little bit of pain and brain surgery can get rid of me? You'd better think again. I'll stick with you until you die. And then some.

Those last words sent a chill down Pinkie's spine, a chill she had experienced many times before. "Why must you torment me like this? Every night, I toss and I turn because of the images you put in my dreams, now you're invading my mind during the day. WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO?!?!"

I'm trying to show you what you really are. A cold. Blooded. KILLER.

"NO, I'M NOT!!! You will NEVER convince me I am a cold-blooded killer!"

I know, but they will.

"Oh, Celestia, you're right. How will I be able to confess to the entire population of Ponyville that the secret ingredient in my cupcakes is ponies?"

You're clever. You'll figure it out.

The voice left, and Pinkie fully realized the gravity of the situation she was in. She was about to go into the blinding light shining from Celestia's glorious sun and tell everypony that they're all cannibals. She couldn't believe she was about to do this, but she had no choice. "Pinkamena."

I knew you'd come crawling back to me. Go out there, stand on the podium, and put on your best Pinkie smile. I'll tell you what to say. Just listen to me, and you can get through this with little or no resistance.

"OK. OK."

Pinkie mustered her courage and pushed past the blood-red curtains into the light. She trotted to the podium, tapped the microphone with her hoof to test it, smiled, and yelled, "Good morning, Ponyville!"

The crowd cheered and stamped their hooves on the ground.

"I assume you all know why you're here, right? Can anypony tell me? Yes, sir, you in the back?"

A tall, white unicorn with a red and green tail and mane held his hoof up. He was wearing black sunglasses. He also had a red goatee. "Um, you were going to tell us the secret ingredient in your delicious cupcakes, right?"

"Right! What's your name, sir?"

"DJ Br0n-3."

Everypony turned around to see that it really was DJ Br0n-3. He took off his sunglasses and revealed his eyes. The trademark "Bael Eyes" modification.

"Whoa! My cupcakes are so good, it brings the 2nd most famous DJ in Equestria to a gathering about my cupcakes' secret ingredient! How's that for cool?"

"Thanks, everypony. Now, pay attention to Pinkie."

"Thanks. Now, I'm sure you're all very excited that I am revealing my secret ingredient to you fine people. Prepare yourselves for this. Some of you may barf, so barf bags have been complimentarily placed in front of you."

Everypony looked down to see brown paper bags on the ground at their hooves. Some of them were trampled from earlier. Somepony was heard in the back to say, "I got a bad feeling about this."

Someone else right next to him said, "No shit, Sherlock."

Pinkie frowned a little at that. Already, people were beginning to back away frightfully. "Wait! Don't leave! You have to know, or else..."

The crowd paused. Pinkie was sobbing. People could barely comprehend what she said through her cries of anguish. "It's... It's... It's..."

"Yes?" the crowd asked.

"Ponies."

"What?" asked a black-coated filly with shocking white hair and small freckles on the bridge of her snout at the front of the crowd.

"Ponies."

"Hmmm?" The same filly.

"IT'S PONIES!!!"

And that's when everything went to complete and utter shit. Unbeknownst to anypony, Princess Celestia was overseeing the gathering and as soon as she heard the news, she flew down as fast as fuckin' lightning and stopped directly in front of Pinkie, who had a look on her face that clearly stated, "Oh, fuck." Even Pinkamena was speechless as Celestia bore her eyes directly into hers with a stare of such intensity she could've stared down the Slendermane.

Well, nice knowing you, kid.

"Yeah. You too. For all the good it did me."

You can't win every battle.

Everypony was freaking the hell out behind Celestia: Running into each other, pushing everypony out of their way, trampling those unfortunate enough to be caught underhoof. Celestia tapped into her ancient ancestry to pull this off. She called out in her royal Canterlot voice, "EVERYPONY STOP!!!"

And what do you think happened? They all stopped. The little black filly with white hair got up from the floor with several hoof marks on her face. She had a black eye and a nosebleed. A drop of blood traveled down the filly's face and dripped off of her nose and onto the ground. The little droplet almost immediately disappeared. Pinkie's eyes went wide open as a an almost primal instinct nearly took control of her body to collect that blood to keep for part of her cupcake batter, but Celestia was in her way.

"Pinkamena Diane Pie, what have you done? Turning ponies, your friends, into pastries? What kind of sick pony would do something like that? What have you got to say for yourself?" she asked, very fucking angry.

At that moment, Pinkamena took over. Pinkie's normally fluffy hair made a poofing sound and went flat. She talked in a deeper tone. "Princess, with all due respect, you are a fucking dumbass for not realizing this earlier. Everypony here is a dumbass for not realizing this earlier! Has nopony ever given a second thought to what that odd flavor is in my cupcakes? Did it not taste familiar? Celestia, can you cast a remembrance spell onto everypony here? Back to when they were small babies?"

Deciding to hear her out, she did her best to cast a widespread remembrance spell that sent everypony back into their own memories far enough to make everypony think they were all babies once again. Most ponies were remembering back to when they were small babies at least for a bit. Most ponies could be seen suckling at imaginary nipples. The taste was reminiscent of mother's milk and flesh.

Beads of sweat were traveling down Celestia's face, and she eventually had to stop. The ponies who were suckling the imaginary teats were left sucking the air. "See? I took the most familiar taste anypony can remember and took it to the next level. Sure, most anypony here would call it extreme, but who hasn't taken something to the extreme at least once in their lives? Like sex and marriage. Extreme trust and love. Hatred for another. Extreme dislike. My cupcakes. Extreme... fuck, what's the word I'm thinking of?"

"Sadism?" asked a voice from the crowd.

"Insanity?" asked another.

"Cruelty?" Celestia this time.

"No, only a few of my cupcakes were made maliciously. Like that bitch, Gilda the griffon. It's got something to do with... dare I say it... love. Not like sex or marriage. I only wanted to turn around these ponies' miserable lives and turn them into something beautiful. I wanted to help them with the ever-mounting series of problems they were facing. I loved them too much to see them suffer, so I helped them by making them delicious pastries. By eliminating the source of the problem, the problems cease to matter to them. If you could only look past the social implications of this entire thing, this could've turned out to be a good thing. But, I can't expect you all to understand. Not everypony can look past these most horrible of social taboos and feel the same way I do. If you want to take me away and make sure I can't perform these horrible things ever again, I gladly give myself unto you and your better judgement."

Pinkamena looked up and expected to see Celestia's burning gaze, but instead found her eyes to be filled of tears. "Pinkamena Diane Pie, your words have touched our hearts and opened our minds. To top it all off, you made a royal princess tear up. That is not easily done. You have earned your life. But, considering the fact that you have committed the unholiest of crimes, I hereby sentence you to 2 weeks in the Canterlot dungeon."

"I accept this fate. Thank you for being so merciful, Princess. I am forever in your debt. How in the blue hell am I going to repay you?"

Celestia grew a wicked grin. "I can think of something."