That Pipsqueak Lied Ta Me!
The Other Hoofball
By Yuko Asho
Apple Bloom sighed and pursed her lips as she picked at her apple, cranberry and daisy tortilla wrap, glaring at it as though it had wronged her somehow.
So focused was she on fuming that she didn't notice her big sister Applejack taking a seat next to her. “You not hungry?” the orange pony asked to her smaller yellow sister, a warm smile on her face as she rested a foreleg over her shoulders.
Apple Bloom simply grunted, absent-mindedly poking at the food before her, as though expecting it to scream in agony or otherwise entertain her.
“Hm, was it that there date you had with Pipsqueak?” Applejack offered. Still no response.
The filly's tight frown and stiff, tense posture on the chair was perplexing to the older pony. When Apple Bloom had left with Pipsqueak, she seemed all sorts of excited. Applejack and Big Mac had let her go because they thought Pipsqueak a good kid, and were confident that the filly and colt would have proper supervision from Pipsqueak's parents. Said parents were thrilled to have Apple Bloom along, and said nothing but great things when they came back in the evening, which left Applejack confused to no end.
“Ain'cha gonna talk to me?” Applejack offered.
“Eenope,” was the terse reply.
“Y'sure?” A farmer needed to be patient to see a good harvest, and Applejack knew how to work for her crops, so she decided to give it another try.
“Eeyup.” This particular crop was proving to be a pain in the flank.
Frowning, Applejack ran a hoof through Apple Bloom's hair, then leaned down and kissed her forehead. “Well, if'n you change your mind, Ah'll be 'round.”
With that, she got off her seat and started trotting out of the living room, whistling softly to herself as she moved way, way slower than normal.
“That Pipsqueak's a liar.”
Applejack stopped in her tracks. She'd expected to have to wait until she was halfway out the door for Bloom to break.
“Come again?” Applejack asked, her curiosity piqued. She didn't take Pipsqueak or his parents for the lying sort.
“He said we were going to a hoofball game,” Apple Bloom explained, finally cutting the wrap down the middle with her fork. “That wasn't no hoofball game, I can tell you that.”
A smile crept on Applejack's face. “Oh?” She was doing everything she could not to laugh.
“All they did was run around and kick a ball for two hours,” the filly groused, taking her first bite since she sat down an hour before. “How do ponies even watch that?”
Suspicions confirmed, Applejack chuckled and turned back, making her way back to her little sister. She didn't say anything though, wanting Apple Bloom to go on.
“Ah mean, ah guess it's fun to play,” Apple Bloom continued, pausing for a moment to chew and swallow, “but damn if it don't look dumb to watch. And don't get me started on the drums! There was this one zebra stallion next to me with these huge drums, and he kept bangin' on 'em the whole two hours!”
“Aw, hay, that ain't no lie!” Applejack exclaimed, plopping herself back on the seat next to her little sister.
Suddenly convinced Applejack had gone crazy, Apple Bloom shot her sister a glare. “Really?” she deadpanned, arching an eyebrow her sister's way. “Iunno how any pony could make that mistake!”
“Now Apple Bloom, you know that ain't nice,” Applejack replied with a grin, again running her hoof through Apple Bloom's hair. “Now y'all know Pipsqueak ain't been here for very long, and things are a might different o'er in Trottingham.”
“Huh?” The look of anger on Apple Bloom's face had given way to confusion. “How's things that different? Ah mean, every pony knows how hoofball works.”
“Ah'm sure they'd say that to you if'n they saw our hoofball,” Applejack replied with a grin. “In fact, I gots me an idea.” With that, she pulled four tickets from under her stetson. “You, me, Mac 'n Pip're gonna have ourselves a lil' culture exchange in Baltimare tomorrow.”
With that, Applejack kissed her younger sister's forehead. “Ah bet'cha Pip'll be weirded out too.” She then turned around and headed to bed, leaving a befuddled Apple Bloom before her.
Author's Note
My Little Pony is TM & © 2012 Hasbro, Inc. This is a non-profit work of fan-fiction. No ownership of IP is implied.
Please point out any errors in a polite, constructive manner.
This fic is derived from Thirty Minute Pony Prompt #241
Well, That Was Interesting.
“Well, that was interesting.”
Tea blinked as she heard her son's sigh, quickly brushing through her curly pink mane and checking her white coat for any imperfections. The last thing she needed was to have to explain what she and his father Crumpet were doing a couple hours ago. “Coming, darling!” she cried out sweetly as she trotted out of the bathroom.
Pipsqueak had a confused gaze in his eyes as he looked at his mum, his mottled brown-and-white coat and messy brown mane and tail shimmering with fresh sweat as he trotted up to his mother and nuzzled her chest.
“So, how was Hayston?” she asked sweetly, running a fore-hoof through her boy's hair.
“It was very hot,” he quipped. “I'm actually quite happy it was drizzling when we got back to Ponyville.” He looked up at his mum and laughed a bit. “And they barbecue everything, I swear. I didn't even know you could barbecue roses.”
Tea shared in her son's laughter. “We should go with your father some time, then,” she replied with a smirk. “You know him and barbecue.”
“Aye!” Pipsqueak nodded happily at his mother. “Just be careful they don't drown it in barbecue sauce.” He looked back and forth suspiciously, his eyes narrowed as he swung his head back and forth in that cutely exaggerated way foals do, looking for anything that might listen in. “Oh, and don't trust them when they tell you they're going to watch some hoofball,” he whispered.
That sent Tea's eye arching upward. “Oh?” she asked. “Why wouldn't I trust some pony saying that?”
“Well...” Pip tapped his lower lip with a fore hoof contemplatively, as if trying to figure out how to explain it. “It's funny, it is,” he murmured. “Apple Bloom said it was hoofball, but...”
“But?” Tea was getting curious now. She knew those lovely apple farmers valued honesty, so was surprised to hear her son questioning what was going on.
“Well, the pitch had all these lines on it, for one,” Pip explained, “And there was very little kicking.” He scratched the top of his head, biting his lower lip. “Whoever heard of hoofball games where ponies hold the ball in their forelegs!?”
“Oh dear!” Tea exclaimed, a cute little smile on her face. “That does sound different!”
“Aye, it doesn't stop there, mum!” Pipsqueak exclaimed. “They wear these huge helmets!” He stood up on his hind legs and stretched his forelegs outward as he said 'huge,' making his mother laugh a bit. “And there wasn't a lot of running either! They'd get into these lines, then do something, then stop, then repeat, and there was very little back-and-forth. It was really not that creative.” A shudder went through his body. “It looks like it hurts, though!” he continued. “I don't get how ponies could just run into each other like that for two hours!”
Tea nodded softly, grinning and running a hoof through her son's hair.
“And the noise!” Pip resumed. “There wasn't any singing or drums or anything! Just lots of screaming and booing! We were next to this one mare who just wouldn't stop yelling at the top of her lungs the whole match!”
“It's different, isn't it?” Tea murmured sweetly as she took a seat on the couch and patted the spot next to her.
Pipsqueak was happy to be off his hooves, practically leaping onto the couch next to his mum. “I'll say!” he exclaimed. “I figured every pony knew how hoofball worked!”
“Well, we are quite a long way from home,” Tea gently reminded her son. “Things are a bit different around here in Western Equestria.”
“Aye.” Pipsqueak nodded softly, marveling at his mum's gift for understatement.
“Still, it's not all bad,” Tea continued, looking down at her son with a soft smile. “The world would be rather boring if every pony were the same.”
“I suppose so.” Hearing his mum say it, he couldn't help but agree that things were very, very different here in the western lands. “Still, Apple Bloom was pretty happy at least. Though I think she might have been relishing in my confusion.”
Again, Tea let out a little laugh. “Oh dear, I imagine that she's just enjoying the irony of it all.” She leaned over and kissed her little colt on the forehead. “You saw how she was when we took her to the game last week.”
Pip's eyes suddenly flashed with realization. “So that's why she was so cross.”
“I imagine so, yes,” Tea agreed.
The two of them simply chuckled at their realization.
