Carrot's Tomatoes, and Potatoes
The cool air of the night blew throughout the sleeping town of Ponyville except for one bright light in the sky. Thunder Crashed as a bright light streaked through it. Crashing into the Town Square.
Dawn broke on the small town revealing the Golden object embedded in town Square. Ponies surrounded it waiting to see what the mysterious object was. Celestia's golden carriage came down from the skies along with a Squad of soldiers clad in golden armor.
"Everypony back up. This is a UFO. We don't know if it contains hostiles yet!" She climbed down from the Chariot and stepped towards the creator. She slowly made her way over the rubble walking closer to the golden object.
"You there!" She shouted at it " Reveal yourself or selves. And you will not be destroyed!"
A loud rumbling emitted from the object the object along with a bright flash of light, launching into the air. The light grew blinding as a Top hat and monocle appeared on it. Now speaking in a Trottingham accent "Greatings mortal creatures! I am the Magical Golden Potato. Don't eat me or you will get cancer."
"Potato! Where are you from and what do you want with Equestria!"
Then it responded in a slightly zebra accent" 'bout tree fity"
"What do you mean? Being of another world!"
"Niggas be broke out here man!"
"We have no money for the likes of you!"
"Maaaaaan! Don't be like dat! I'll suck your dick!"
"Woah 'mon what the hell is 'dat ting'!" Our hero shouted
"That thing, Travis, is the Magical Golden Potato. He says if you eat him you will get cancer."
"MAAAAAN! I got dees cheeseburgers!" He held a brown sack in the air with his magical powers
"I don't want your cheeseburgers 'mon"
" Travis! This thing don't sit right with me" Twilight added "You are going to have to kill it."
He reached for is Bow of the betrayer and took aim at the Potato "You sure about 'dis 'mon? He is the Magical Golden Potato"
"FIRE!" Twilight shouted causing Travis to release his arrow
Just before the arrow hit a barrier of light surrounded him
he spoke, again in his Trottingham, accent now deeper and more demonic,"Foolish mortals! You cannot harm me! If you wish to battle me and my companions you must fight me in the Twisted Treeline!" He floated towards the mysterious forest known as the Everfree forest.
"what 'da holy hell was 'dat?"
"You must challange him Travis! Alongside Twilight and Luna!" She pointed to her smaller sibling, who had been eating a Moon pie.
"why do I have to challenge him 'mon?"
"Because you are the only one with experience of fighting monsters outside of this realm!"
"But I really don't want to 'mon!"
"Why must I go sister?"
"Because fuck you" leaving an astonished expression on her dear sister's face as she retreated to her chariot.
"Well. That was rude" She sighed
"I'm sorry Princess. But we must hurry! To the Everfree forest! Because that is where everything is hidden, for some reason!"
"Yeah sure. Whatever 'mon. I better be 'gettin paid for 'dis" He hopped onto his trusty pet Raptor, Carlos
"Okay. Let me get my offensive spellbook!" She ran into her Tree house and quickly exited carrying a dark purple book in her mouth "let's go!"
The three walked through the forest looking for the Twisted treeline
"Where is 'dis thing anyway 'mon?" The troll asked the small blue alicorn
"We believe it is beyond this brush" She used her magic to pull the bushes away from the path revealing a stone arena.
"this place looks awfully creepy" Twilight said nervously
"Yes. It is! Celestia and I once fought a powerful spider god here." she pointed to the northern side filled with webs
"Spider god? I've delt with those things before. Shadra. One of the gods of the Witherbark trolls of Arathi Highlands. Some nasty beasts. Fast, poisonous, and relentless 'mon. Advise stayin away from 'dat thing purple horse."
"uhh Travis you know you can call me Twilight like the rest of my friends right?"
"yeah 'mon." he ignored her
"So where is this Magical golden potato?" Luna wondered aloud
" over here little pony." A Certain golden potato said "it seems as though you've made it to the arena. May I introduce my companions?"
" look 'mon I really give zero shits about now..." Travis said enthusiastically
" Wonderful. Here we have the Magical carrot of doom. He is strong, large, and angry. Best not get on his bad side ,hmm? Oh wait you already are!" he laughed
" Look 'mon I already said I give zero shits"
"And over here. The magical sparkly Tomato. He provides buffs with his wonderful singing voice. Would you kindly show them one?"
The tomato screeched with the sound that would terrify even a banshee
"Marvelous Simply Marvelous."
"were you hearing what we were just hearing? Because that was horrendous!" Luna rubbed her ear
"If you say so. Anyhow. We must now battle. Move to your corner and wait for your que."
"uhh. Okay?" Twilight said confused
a blinding light surrounded the two and they appeared in a stone ring. They watched as the small purple beings spawned from a large purple object called a nexus.
Twilight, Luna, and Travis stood confused as what to do next. A voice echoed through their heads. "Move out. And prepare for battle!"
"Whateva let's get 'tis ova with 'mon" Travis said leading the two ponies "take out that tomato as fast as possible. It gives them buffs. Then I want you two to fight the carrot while I take out the Potato. Got it 'mon?"
"Right" Twilight said readying a spell
"Look 'mon we can hide in that bush ova there. When they come by we jump out and kill them."
"Good plan." Luna added
The three waited and watched as the Potato, The Carrot, and Tomato floated on past them.
"Now 'mon!" Travis shouted as Twilight shot magic bubble at the tomato freezing it in place.
"I say!" The Potato shouted blasting light at Travis blinding him and knocking him back "Now Carlos!" His Raptor charged at the tomato with blinding speeds smashing right through it and splattering his innards all over the floor.
"GRAHH!" The Carrot tossed Carlos over his body throwing him into the wall rendering him unconscious
Travis reached for his bow and shot a bright blue arrow into his head causing him to charge at Travis, but he swiftly dodged him causing the carrot to smash into the wall headfirst.
"BEGONE SCUM!" Luna created a spell that caused the moon to fire a beam into the carrot splattering him on the floor
"Well done!" The Potato said trying to run away
"Not yet 'mon" Travis quickly sent an arrow flying into his back causing him to fall onto the floor, then Twilight sent a blast of pure magic into his potato body and, again, splattering his remains across the Twisted Treeline
"ACE!" A voice echoed throughout the arena
"Was that another one of your things Travis?"Twilight asked
"I haven't heard that before 'mon" Travis replied
"Well done" Another voice echoed through the arena "Now you must destroy the Turrets. Push on!"
"Is he really our enemy?" Luna asked
"I don't know 'mon but he be out of his league(of legends)"
"Then let us win this!" Twilight galloped into the lane blasting the small blue creatures that looked like the ones from their own base
"Don't waste any time 'mon" He did the same as Twilight along with Luna and Carlos killing the minions one by one
"Hey Travis! Look they are dropping money, collect it so that you can pay off those cows!" Twilight suggested
"Okay 'mon" He scooped a few handfuls of the coins into his pouch
They quickly killed the minions and made it to the turret which shot powerful blasts into the minions killing them in two hits.
Travis, Luna, and Twilight attacked the turret while the purple creatures mindlessly ran into it.
"Look the tower is cracking 'mon!" Just then the carrot charged into Twilight carrying her off into the wilderness.
"Twilight!" Luna shouted galloping after her
The carrot pinned Twilight against the rocks breathing heavily against her neck (get your mind out of the gutter. This ain't one of those damn clopfics) stroked her mane as he looked heavily into her eyes (Goddammit Carrot stop that shit!)
"Fuck you I do what I want!" He shouted into the air
"Die you damned beast!" She fired a blue blast into him again splattering him against the floor
"Luna!" She ran to her side
"Hurry young one we must continue before the Potato arrives
They returned to Travis' side continuing to destroy the small blue creatures
"Look there is another Turret. Let's do the same thing we did earlier 'mon."
The Potato charged (shouting Demacia or something) But was cut short because Travis sent a barrage of arrows into him
They quickly destroyed the turret Pushing into the base.
"'Tis is real easy 'mon" Travis said
A terrible shriek came from the sky as a huge monster Crawled down.
It hissed "Who traspasses in the League of Legends?!?" he shot a web that sealed the exits. He then destroyed both remaining towers,
"I say!" The Potato said startled
"Potato? What are you doing here?" He hissed
"I was simply using the arena. If that is fine."
"YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE!" He stabbed his front leg through him and devoured the Potato in a single bite
"Exectuted!" A voice echoed through the arena
"Holy shit 'mon! Did you see that?" He Pointed at the spider
"Luna. It has been a while"
"Begone beast! You remember what happened last time, do you not?"
"Ah but your big sister isn't here to protect you."
"We have Travis."
" 'Mon I just want to go home and smoke some Moongrass..."
" Travis... Save that for later" Twilight said
"Moongrass? You have some?" The Spider whispered "Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit! help a brotha out!"
"Fuck that shit 'mon. Ya want some, you gotta buy your own" Travis retorted
"Maaaaaan I'll suck yo dick!"
'What the hell is with people 'n suckin dick today' Travis thought to himself "Ugh! No! Just get outta here 'mon"
"Aight I gotchyou, Check it. I got dis one hoe who do my bidding. Name's Elise. Give you her number, n call her up"
"Ay 'mon, she better not be one of those spiders!"
"Nawww, she aint one of dem." He responded with a rocky voice
'Whateva 'mon, Ive been with worse' Travis thought "I'll look her up then 'mon"
"Aight 'den" he exchanged a bag and a slip of paper with numbers on it, then the spider crawled away
"Well that happened..." Twilight said astonished
" I'm so fuckin done with today 'mon" Travis said destroying the nexus along with "Victory" echoing throughout the arena
With that Travis jumped onto Carlos and rode back home.
