The 'My Little Human' Fan Club

by SpiralWriter

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Other, Twilight Sparkle, Big Macintosh, Random, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Lyra
Length: 2396

After the mishap of his support group failing, Discord turns to creating another group, this one much less evil.

Discord holds the weekly meeting of the fan club for the television show 'My Little Human', a popular cartoon amongst fillies and foals, and especially adult ponies, nicknamed 'humonies'. The only members of their fanatic group? Himself and Lyra Heartstrings. Watch as they confound others with their love for the show, and the adventures it takes them on.

A semi-sequel to The Villains Anonymous Support Group.

Published 2013-09-19 18:30:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-26 03:24:13 UTC

A Meeting of Fanatics

A small, lonely cardboard box sat on the side of a stretch of dirt road just outside of Ponyville. It appeared rather mundane, rather boring, and completely forgotten. Forgotten, save by two individuals that met there weekly. Inside the box. No, it wasn't cramped. In fact, it was very spacious, much bigger on the inside than the out. It was a special box, concocted right out of thin air by the spirit of disharmony himself. Of course, he's changed his ways recently.

No longer was the box a meeting place of dastardly deed doers and the most wretched souls to ever walk the face of Equestria. Instead, it was for something much more . . . interesting. Nigh, a place for kind peace, for simple tranquility, for intelligent discussion, for . . . a cartoon.

"So, what did you think about last week's episode?"

"I don't really know . . . I mean, I liked it, but the show is losing it's appeal to me. It's just . . . lost that spark it had in the first season."

"Don't tell me that you're going to go on another rant about the superiority of season one?" Discord asked with a raised eyebrow. "The animation is hardly comparable to what is is now."

Lyra rolled her eyes at the draconequus. "You're missing the point! Flashy animation techniques is good and all, but it still doesn't make up for lackluster storytelling and good plotlines. Every episode of season one has a good, self-contained story." The unicorn of aquamarine explained.

Within a building that was used to accommodating a rather large amount of occupants, only two sat in it, talking with each other in various conversations about one show: 'My Little Human'. It had been popular a fair amount of generations ago, but grew into obscurity, until in recent years, exploded into popularity with a new handle. Since then, it has gained many watchers, followers, and fanatics for it, two of its biggest fans sitting right beside each other: Lyra Heartstrings, the pony infamous obsessed with humans, and Discord, lord of all things chaotic. Recently though, he's stowed away his dastardly tendencies in exchange for fun times with watching a colorful cartoon about humans.

"I know, I know." Discord went on, popping a chocolate sundae into existence, offering some of it to Lyra, to which she shook her head. "But I started watching during season two, and the improved animation and better stories caught me."

"Are you actually trying to prove that season two is better than one?" Lyra crossed her forelegs in distaste. "That's when the show began losing it's charm!"

"Don't be so harsh." The spirit shrugged, eating the bowl of ice cream himself. "You have to admit, the finale really upped the ante for the show." He said between smacks of vanilla and chocolate sauce. "Humonies were never happier before watching it."

"That's the whole point! The show's not meant to be all 'dangerous' and 'accomodating to the fans'. It's just about six humans having fun, little slices of life in their adventures together."

"You said adventure!" Discord chuckled.

". . . Not literal adventures." She pouted.

"A couple episodes in season one had them doing adventurous things. Going out of their homes, meeting dangerous creatures, all that." Discord argued his point with a condescending laugh.

"But they weren't the main focus of the episode. They were only little snippets here and there, barely five minutes of screentime."

"The very first episode was adventure and action-packed!"

"No....the second episode was. The first episode introduced the characters and setting, they were just a two-parter that aired together. Nopony really considers both one big episode!"

"It was an hour-long premiere."

"Of. Two. Separate. Episodes!" She enunciated on each word with a swipe of her hoof.

"Come now, we shouldn't fight." He went on to the seething pony, swirling up two shirts that magically appeared on both of them. It was a plain white tee, a heart in the center. Within the heart, it read "Proud Member of the My Little Human Fan Club."

"We both love the show, so we shouldn't argue or nitpick about everything about it." Discord said, smiling a bit. Lyra looked down at her shirt, allowing a smirk to pass her lips as well.

"C'mon now." Discord raised up his hand. "Human fist?" He asked to perform a gesture very common among fans of the show.

". . . Human fist." Lyra finally gave in and chuckled, pumping her hoof against his clenched hand. "Now, how about a hug?" The unicorn added, extending her hooves out with a sweet smile upon her face. Discord visibly gagged and rolled his eyes. "What's up with ponies and hugs? I get enough from Fluttershy . . . though, hers are nice."

"Please? It will reestablish our friendship after our argument." She wimpered, adding the whole 'big-eyed looked with tears brimming'.

" . . . Fine." The draconquus sighed in defeat, leaning in for the hug with his own arms half-heartedly outstretched. They both met in a firm, friendly hug, Lyra smiling and Discord frowning. It was a long one, lasting roughly three minutes. Lyra had to make sure their friendship was still intact.

Right before they pulled away from each other Discord sucked on his teeth, deciding to interject one last line before they adjourned their meeting, spoken in only a whisper to Lyra's ear. " . . . Season one sucked."

If one were to pass the cardboard box while out on a little stroll, they would hear shouts coming from inside, as well as chairs being thrown and heavy banging.

Expanding the Group

"Lyyyyyyrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaa . . ." Discord whined, beating on her door. "Please come out . . . we need to have this week's meeting!" He called out, fist perpetually banging. He could just teleport in there if he wanted to, but recent changes in his life told him that zapping in on ponies tended to get a sharp whack to his snout or unsavory images burned into his eyeballs. No, waiting out here and constantly knocking for thirty minutes and shouting at the top of his lungs was the polite thing to do.

"I'm not coming out!" Her voice came from within her home, muffled, but still audible and angry as ever. The draconequus didn't understand. All he had done was engage in lively conversation about the show and how much his opinion was so much better than hers.

"Yeah, she's not coming out!" Came another voice other than Lyra's, along with some angry shuffling sounds from inside.

"Who's that?" The spirit asked curiously, raising a shaggy brow.

"Bonbon! I told you I can handle this."

"I'm just trying to help." Bonbon's voice said in a huff.

"We don't need your help Bonbon." Discord replied dryly.

"You just go away!" Lyra shouted.

"Who, me or Bonbon?"

"Both!"

"But I live here!" Bonbon retorted from within the home.

Discord sighed, obviously not going to get anywhere just standing outside. He momentarily gave it thought, scratching his chin and tugging at his beard, but eventually shrugged. With a snap and a flash, he appeared inside Lyra's home, eyes covered. "Now, you two are decent, aren't you?" He asked, slowly peeking out from between his fingers to see the two nude ponies standing in their living room and jumping at his appearance.

"Oh thank goodness." He chuckled, wiping an oversized sweat bead from his brow.

"Get outta here!" Lyra pouted, approaching him and hitting him with a hoof, pointing the other one to the door. Discord merely sat down on her couch and chuckled.

"Lyra, you know I can't exit a place through a way I didn't come in." He rolled his disproportionate eyes. "Besides, we still need to have this week's meeting."

"No we don't." She said sternly, shaking her head. "I quit your little group."

Discord paused, frowning, looking genuinely downcast. "B-but . . . why?" He asked, a touch of sadness in his tone, his lower lip quivering and tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. Discord, master of chaos, trickery, and pulling off a sad scene.

"Don't . . . don't give me that look." The seafoam-colored pony bit her lip, standing straight up on her hindlegs so she could cross her hooves. "You know why I quit the group."

"I thought you liked it." He whined, really putting on the water works, tears flowing like a faucet on full-stream, soaking the couch beneath him and beginning to pool around him on the floor.

"I did . . . " Lyra sighed while Bonbon furiously worked with towels to try and soak up Discord's wetworks and keep him from flooding their home. So far, it had been quite unsuccessful, Discord pouring on the crying and sobbing, the water already knee-high and rising.

She sighed, now beginning to have to wade slightly in the tears filling up her home. "Look, maybe I'll come back if you start respecting my views on the show and actually listen to me every once in a while." Lyra stated calmly despite the fact the water now had every piece of furniture floating.

"I will! I will, just as long as you come back!"

"Fine." She sighed, and in an instant, the water levels lowered, her home as dry as ever. Discord cackled, hopping off of the couch and embracing her in a huge that nearly made her eyes bulge out. "Splendid! We can now commence this week's meeting right here in your own home!"

". . . What."

"And our first order of business is adding to our little group. I do grow bored of talking to you week in and week out." He stated flatly, dropping her to the ground with a light thud. She scowled up at him, standing up and rubbing her sore flank from the fall.

"Well," She turned to her roommate with a slight smile. "Bonbon?"

"No." Came Bonbon's reply already from another room.

"Bah, we don't need her." The embodiment of chaos dismissed her with a wave. "She obviously doesn't appreciate fine art. Uncultured swine."

"Oh, she likes the show. We watch it every Saturday morning together." Lyra shrugged. "I think she just doesn't like you . . ."

He shrugged. "Her loss." Before immediately brightening his own mood with a mad cackle. "Hmm . . . any other ponies you might know who could be interested in joining?"

Lyra shook her head sadly. "Not many that I can think of."

"What of that brown-furred fellow who has the hourglass on his bed? Occasionally wears a fez and carries a screwdriver in his mouth?" Discord asked, snapping his fingers, a fez popping out of nowhere to settle on his hand a strange device not even resembling a screwdriver appearing in his paw. He even added a bowtie, a trenchcoat, and a multicolored scarf for emphasis.

"I don't think he. All I really do is see him hang around with Derpy all day and hide out in a weird telephone booth."

"It's a police box, get it right." Discord corrected, snapping his fingers and all of his collected wear simple disappeared. He tugged once again at his beard, an action he did normally whenever his scrambled mind pried at thoughts and ideas to grasp at. He paused, smiling a toothy smile he was known for when something very chaotic or very evil was about to happen.

"I know one pony."

Twilight Sparkle hummed to herself as she casually walked through her library, examining the collection of books on the shelves meticulously, picking off dust with a magic-held duster and rearranging tomes and novels to fit her very specific pattern and needs of where she wanted them to be.

A small knock interrupted her over-categorizing and clean. She set the duster down and trotted over to the door, opening it with a magical tug. She smiled happily at Lyra there to greet her. "Hi Lyra! How can I help you? Need to check out that book again, 'Humans Are Real: True Sightings and Stories'?"

"Err, no, actually." Lyra chuckled. "But please do put it on hold for me."

"Will do." Twilight nodded. "So what brings you here if not the book?"

"Well . . ."

A sudden flash, and Discord popped into physical existence right beside Lyra, leaning against her and smirking. The purple pony's smile suddenly turned into a frown. "Oh. Hi Discord." She greeted him not even as remotely warm as she had done with Lyra.

"Twilight, we come to you with a proposition." He began, adding a little flourishing wave of his hand at the end of his sentence to add just that touch of dramatic flair.

". . ."

"We're offering the chance to obtain a very rare position, Twilight. Coveted amongst many a creature, a chance to revel in and enjoy an art form like no other."

". . ."

"We want you to join our club and talk about cartoon humans with us." Lyra stated simply, only for Discord to grunt in annoyance and bop her on the head.

"Oh, your My Little Human fanclub." Twilight chuckled. "I don't know . . . I'm kind of busy most of the week."

"It's a measly hour out of your entire week Twilight." Discord batted his eyelashes for an extra effect of trying to convince her. "I know you watch the show, and enjoy it almost as much as we do."

"I don't know . . . I'll have to do a lot of schedule rearranging . . ."

"Please?" Discord begged, Lyra beside even adding big, watering eyes. She grew tired of speaking with Discord as well.

"Umm . . ."

"Pleeeeaaaaassssseeee?"

"Uhh . . ."

"Plllllleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?"

Twilight facehoofed and sigh. "Fine."

An explosion of confetti from nowhere rained down on her, followed by a t-shirt popping onto her, signifying that she was now a full-fledged member of the club.

"Yay! Now, all we need you to do is start bringing the snacks. Lyra won't do it, and I certainly won't. I'm pretty sure that's why my last group failed." Discord hissed, mentally willing somewhere somepony's certain changeling hive to entirely become  melting cheese. He chuckled, hearing a faint scream of anger come from the direction of the Everfree Forest.