In The Line of Duty

by Alexander Bolt

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Romance, Random, Slice of Life
Length: 2797

Many guards have come and gone throughout the Princesses service, but none have faced a threat as dire as what recently arrived to the castle. Not only that, but they must openly work with the lesser threats that seek to hinder them.

Many guards have come and gone, but none have faced a threat such as the one now taking residence in the castle itself. With the usual "threats" of uppity royals, new recruits, and the fantasizing whims of petitioners, admirers, and the occasional fanatic pursuing their noble charge. While most recruits would be terrified at the very idea of handling such an agenda all at once, as the very moral glue that holds the ranks together, the Captains of the guard must deal with these things and more.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-01 02:55:35 UTC

1: In Which Introductions Are Made

                                                                                             In The Line of Duty

  Guard Captain Shining Armor walked through the halls of Canterlot Castle, near the end of his evening watch, bored yet alert. Though he usually had the natural sense of caution a royal guard would have while on duty, he was even more on guard for two reasons which he never imagined would be going on at the same time. First was an Equestrian Summit,  which opened opportunities of all kinds for foreign tempers to flare, and the other reason being a recent acquisition of "royalty" into Canterlot, that being a "reformed" Discord. As much as he disliked doubting the work of his sister and her friends, Shining Armor did not see Discord as being very reformed. Pranks were pulled nearly every other hour of the day. The castle was apparently much calmer at night, or so Armor's counterpart Night Captain Permafrost told.

  "At least he isn't killing anypony", Shining Armor said to himself, trying to keep a good spin on things. As if on cue, there was a scream from down the hall, followed immediately by hooting laughter. Shining Armor gave a sigh and began to canter at a brisk pace towards the sound. This was an unfortunate routine of the day now, Discord plays a prank, laughs a bit, runs away, then repeats. If they did catch him, Celestia (Or Luna, depending on the time) would be called, Discord would get scolded, and he wouldn't pull another for the rest of the day. It was better than doing regular patrol work, though, which Armor supposed he could thank the draconequus for. Another thing was the array, or rather arsenal, of tricks the Spirit of Disharmony had. In the week and a half of his non-petrified life in Canterlot, Discord had done over 50 pranks, and not one was a repeated case. From rooms filled with invisible whoopie cushions to a miniature cotton candy tornado in the kitchen, there wasn't one not in the mischievous devil's book.

  Luckily, the chaotic spirit was staying away from pulling one on the Princesses or foreign visitors, though Shining Armor thought this more of a healthy dose of intelligence instead of a lack of bravery. The most recent trick, being the one he was arriving to, was a silent bomb that coated everything in the room, including one very unlucky maid, in a thick rainbow powder, which was identified as simple flour. Shining Armor let out another sigh, the cleaning staff were going to have a hoof full tonight. Again. He made sure the guard present, a stern corporal, had everything well in hoof before departing for the Officer's barracks.

                                                                                                    ...

When he arrived, everything was, unsurprisingly, calm and boring. Two lieutenants were chatting by the coffee maker, one ensign working vigorously on paperwork, another passed out on his desk. Various other officers were going over various things, signing forms, answering inquiries, arranging watch lists, and a few were even looking over criminal files, some new, some old. The most out of place thing was the large, armor bound, very pale-blue unicorn standing at the desk opposite of Shining Armor's own. Night Captain Permafrost was a sight to behold by those who did not know him. He was tall, about an inch above Armor himself, and he wore different armor than that of regular night guards. Not by rank, but request. Where as most guards, both day and night, wore much the same armor besides smaller details, just with respected colors. Permafrost, however, wore a heavier variant. Fit with fleece lining on the inside to enhance his icy arsenal, making it much bulkier. His helmet, on the rare occasions he wore it, did not have a plume, but rather icicle like formations hanging from it, usually covered with real ice. These spines were also on each piece of his armor, besides his boots.

  Permafrost was looking over three reports, a displeased look on his face. As Shining Armor took a seat at his own desk, he raised an eyebrow to his counterpart.

  "Everypony's favorite draconequus, of course." Came the deep, uninterested voice.

  "What happened this time?" Armor asked.

  "A garden of water spitting flowers, fun irony, a self-shattering window that reconstructed itself, scaring no less than 4 ponies, and, oh, fun one, a tripwire that changed an unlucky corporal from a mare into a stallion for half an hour. The only three of last night." Permafrost answered, chuckling at the last one listed.

  "You're kidding. He gender swapped one of your guards?" The Day Captain asked, not needing to fake disbelief.

  "Yes, unfortunate mare. It took her half of the transformation period to comprehend what happened. She, or he, perhaps? Either way, they had a short breakdown, and I sent her off to get some sleep afterwards. She needed it."  The Night Captain summarized.

  "Seems he gets more crafty ideas at night. Lucky he doesn't play too many then, huh?" Armor chuckled.

  "Indeed." Permafrost returned with a chuckle of his own. Banter like this was routine, even more so now that there was something to discuss. Permafrost was the first of the Night Guard to wake up, all of whom shared their princesses schedule. And therefore the most social outside of his own regiment, being able to meet with daytime officers. Sometimes Frost would be awake during the day, as well, on rare occasions watching recruits train. Fewer times stepping in to teach, usually magical combat to a (un)lucky class. Shining Armor had witnessed one such class, and made a mental note to restrict the amount of water given out during class.

  Now in the present, Shining Armor took note of the time, and, with sunset approaching, decided to retire for the night. He said his goodbyes to his fellow officers, bid Permafrost good luck through the night, and began the walk to the room he and Princess Cadance shared. About a half hour later, Captain Permafrost decided it was time for himself to take leave, and began his own walk, moving to begin his night assisting Princess Luna with the nightly court. The real party, some of his allies said,  starts with a high moon.

2: In Which Things Go Bump in the Night

  Captain Permafrost entered the throne room, not quite late, but with a petitioner already midway through a speech. Said petitioner was, as Permafrost instantly noted with dread, was Prince Blueblood, one of the few members of royalty he disliked. Another thing noted was the subject of his speech, asking for an advance in his "budget" so he could build his own wing on Canterlot Castle, as well as be able to privatise the wing for his own use. As the Captain made his way to his place beside the now single throne, he had to hide a smile at the opposite end of the speech. Princess Luna, Mare of the Night,  Duchess of the Moon, could not look more bored. Here eyes were half closed but he noticed them staring at the Prince's hooves, or rather the tiles around them. Tile watching, as those who noticed it called it, was something reserved for only the dullest, dumbest, or otherwise prolonged petitions. Blueblood, who had been in the Night Court alone 4 separate times, had earned it on all occasions.

  After taking his place, Permafrost was forced to listen to another 5 minutes of the Prince droning on about how it would benefit the castle and it wouldn't cost much. What brought an actual reaction from his superior was Blueblood commenting that it would "boost his productivity and work ethic, making him better at his job."

  "And what, exactly, do you do for a job here, nephew, besides lounging around the castle and flirt with the mares that really are apart of the royal staff?" Luna asked, breaking her silence.

  "Why, I am a well distinguished diplomat, of course." Was Blueblood's response, every bit dignified, despite being false.

  "Where were you last sent then, if you don't mind me asking, diplomat?" Came Luna's near instant counter, with genuine curiosity.

  "Ahem, Stalliongrad, of-of course."  Blueblood answered, fast, albeit shaky. At the sound of those words Princess Luna turned to Permafrost with a raised eyebrow. With that signal the Captain cleared his throat then spoke in a harsh yet somehow eloquent language, known as gradian, or stalliongradian, to be precise, with "Cantrerlot" at the end. Of course Prince Blueblood, being a royal knob-head, didn't know a single word of it.

  "It seems you have been lying, nephew. Anyone who's taken a high school class of Gradian would know the translation to be 'Liar, you've never left Canterlot.', which is the truth. As you have no real reason for it, I decline your request of an advancement in your allowance. Please return to your perfectly sized bedroom." Luna near-demanded, ending the conversation. Blueblood left with a huff and an upturned nose.

  "How is he related to you and Princess Celestia? I don't believe I've ever asked." Permafrost asked the indigo alicorn, who was shuffling some of the papers on a small stand usually brought out for both the night and day courts

  "Oh, I don't know, some great grandson of a foal my sister adopted? Certainly not blood related, I hope. We have 4 more appointments through the night, two of which seem simple, one appears to be an admirer with a cute little poem, and the last I can't tell. Something about a pledge."  The Princess answered, sounding not even mildly interested.

  As Luna had said, the proceeding appointments went fairly smoothly, one being about a concern of timberwolves sighted stalking around in the night in northern Everfree, another asking about star watching conditions, and the poetic suitor who was assured that Princess Luna was not looking for a relationship at the time, but was thanked for the poem nonetheless. Then came a trio of stallions in hoods and cloaks who proclaimed their love of the night and pledged themselves to Luna as a part of a "New Lunar Republic". To them the Princess gave a verbal lashing for their brashness, and "Not choosing a more intelligent way of showing their dedication." The Night Guard was aware of these fan(atic)s of Luna, and discouraged the ponies in question to get appointments whenever possible. This was a case where none of the guards had noticed until the trio appeared for their appointment. Unfortunate for them.

  After Luna had finished thrashing the poor stallions, it came time for her to resign to her quarters to go over routine reports. However, that would be if this was a regular night. But as both the Royal Guards and the Princesses they serve had learned, no night with a mischievous draconequus around is ever regular.

3: In Which Things Go Very Wrong

  Self styled Master of Chaos, Discord sat in the shadows of the ceiling in the room of Princess Luna, grasping a rope in one claw to keep himself stable, and in the other he held on of his lesser used practical jokes. Like many of the others, this one was a powder bomb. However, unlike regular colored powder, it held something a bit more complex. Formed from a rare form of poison joke, this powder sticks to anything it touches, turning it and anything around 30 inches behind it invisible, and with the amount there was in the bomb like device, he could make an invisible princess and more. As he went over his plan again, the door to the room opened, and two ponies walked in.

  While one was his intended target, the other made him smile as his plan factored this new piece into the game. He was going to hit two prime targets in one swift move, rope in paw, bomb in talon, he adjusted himself to the appropriate stance. He set the bomb to three seconds. Not that they would be able to retaliate in time, but he wanted to savor the looks on their faces. After all, it would be the last he saw of them for a bit. He leaned forward and dropped the bomb.

  Luna was in no mood for games. The Night Court went fairly well, besides the fanatical idiots and her annoying nephew. No, it was more than that. Her sleep schedule had recently been in need of change, both to deal with the Equestrian Summit and to allow more time to be with her sister and others within the castle. So, of course, she was wanting nothing more than to finish work and relax. Of course daily reports wouldn't simply allow that. She and Captain Permafrost, being her prime advisor and assistant, made their way into her room she couldn't help but mentally sigh at the stacks of papers on her desk. So many things out of place...

  Regardless, she took a seat and Permafrost took a spot opposite her. They divided the papers and began shuffling through for a good spot to begin when the very thing she had been waiting for came to pass. A sharp ping resounded off the table as the copper sphere hit the table. A 3 second fuse was short, but not as short as an alicorn's reaction time. With little more than a flash the bomb was gone.

  Discord was mentally livid. A day of planning thrown out the window,or rather wherever the Princess of the Night had just sent the bomb. This he soon came to realize as he got a bit of a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach. He looked down and soon recognized the fact that he no longer had a stomach. Nor torso. Nor any legs or his tail. In fact, all that was left visible of him was from what could be considered above the base of his neck. This didn't stop a chain of ice to wrap around his arms and shoulders, however. He was pulled from his perch and flopped down onto the floor, at the hooves of two completely calm ponies.

  "Hm. My aim was off. I was trying for your head." Came the bored voice of the Princess,

  "Well I find this to be quite ironic, Discord. Looks like you got a taste of your own medicine. Quite literally." Came the impressed voice of the Captain.

  "Make jokes while you can, Snowflake. No chains can hold me!" Went the voice of one very disgruntled draconequus.

  "Maybe not, but a block of stone can. And it's Permafrost to you, Discord." Retorted the unicorn.

  "Ouch, too soon, Snowflake. But you know what Celestia said,  I am a totally and completely reformed spirit of chaos.  And that you should refrain from beating me into submission." Half lied the chaotic demon.

  "I could overrule that, were it true, Discord."  Interjected Luna, cracking a smile at the situation. At this point, Discord's just snapped his invisible fingers and appeared, fully restored, on top of Luna's bed.

  "Well you seem to be getting happier, Ms. Moon, so I suppose the bomb wasn't a complete failure." The now physically reformed draconequus said flatly, rolling his eyes. "So. With the fact that I now have a free night, you both have no paperwork," he snapped his fingers, and the papers arranged themselves, quills signing most, with others just being put aside. "so I think that we could possibly do something like a sleepover. I here those are good for making friends." In response to this, Permafrost could just roll his eyes at the idea. Luna, however, did a full on double take with her jaw dropping. "And don't worry about the paperwork, I looked over it all before you got here."

  "Ahem, er, Discord, are you serious?" Inquired Luna, momentarily forgetting about the papers.

  "Of course, my dear. Friendship may be new to me, but I have heard quite a bit on it, and according to and one little purple pony," he said as he flashed to the Princesses side, putting one claw around her shoulders, the other motioning out into space. "Friendship is magic! Wait, I think I did that wrong..."

  As Discord questioned himself, Luna looked over to Permafrost, who just shrugged at the idea. Maybe this could work, but that was a long shot. Luna looked at Discord and, not believing she was about to say, cleared her throat. "Discord, we accept your invitation."

  Discord looked at her with a smile as if she had just given him a puppy. "Oh my goodness, this is wonderful! I'll go get sleeping bags! Oh, so much we can do! This will be fantastic!" He was still talking when he flashed away, off to Celestia knows where. Permafrost looked at his superior, and with a completely calm voice, said 4 words.

  "What. Have. You. Done?"