Diving Head First

Rainbow Dash lay there alone on the cold bathroom floor, not quite sure what to make of the purple blur that had just bolted out. The shower was running now. One better it seemed to be a hot shower judging from the steam already rising from the tub. But as wonderful as that sounded, she couldn’t get away from the empty feeling that now dominated her body. For the second time in recent memory she didn’t feel like moving, even to the warm massaging stream of water beckoning her to its embrace.

However, she didn’t want to waste Twilight’s hot water. So she forced herself to stand under the stream. The cascading water felt good at first, soaking her fur like a warm hug that reached every inch of her body. But then she remembered Twilight’s embrace just moments before, and that made the water’s warmth feel foreign and unnatural. It didn’t draw her in and lift her up with that not-quite awkward tilt that came from dodging a head-butt with a unicorn. The torrent just seemed to weigh her down, and beat her into submission, forcing her to accept it.

Then the heat changed from hot to burning. She winced and turned to shift the heat to a cooler part of her body as her hoofs scrambled to turn the knobs. The water turned cold but then with a few more twists the stream shut off. Instinctively she shook herself from head to toe, shedding the water from her fur and feathers. However, instead of getting out of the tub and toweling off properly she laid down in the tub, crossing her hooves under her head.

‘What is WRONG with you?’ her mind demanded. ‘She literally JUST said she wasn’t a fillyfooler and you go and call her out like that?’

“I don’t know” she mumbled to herself.

‘You don’t KNOW?! Come on Dashie. From the moment she walked in the door you knew she’d OBVIOUSLY misunderstood something you said. And you just went and let it happen.’

Her chest heaved with repeating sobs. No longer able to retort to herself her mind continued its berating.

‘Now she’s out there freaking out again. What’s that … the third time in the past two-days? Are you waiting for Spitfire to walk in the door and say ‘That’s a new Academy record’ and pat you on the head? Twilight probably thinks you get off on her tears or something.’

The cruel internal montage was cut off at the sound of the bathroom door opening. Rainbow Dash went rigid and held her breath. Had Twilight come back? Was she okay with what had just happened? Or was she still upset? Was she going to tell her to get out? Rainbow Dash certainly felt like that’s what she deserved.

The pegasus lifted her head up and drew the shower curtain aside, startling the little purple dragon who’d just waddled in. “Ahhhh! Rainbow Dash …. What … how … why are you … I mean … … … Huh?”

“Uhh, sorry,” she said, rising to step out of the tub, “Twilight said I could use the shower and I … kinda … spaced out afterwards?”

“Oh.” It may have been pretty early in the morning, especially by Spikes standards. But he still managed to catch on to how Miss Confidence herself seemed to be trying to convince herself of that last statement. “So, did you and Twilight patched things up this morning?”

“I-uhh …. Well we … it’s ummm… ”

“Wait, let me guess,” he said holding his claws to his head mocking psychic telepathy. “It’s complicated”

Rainbow deflated slightly at the sound of that word. “Well … yeah.”

He couldn’t resist smacking a claw over his forehead and sliding it down his face. ‘What is it with mares and ‘complicated’?’ he asked himself. “Okay … what’s complicated about it?”

Rainbow didn’t particularly want to have this conversation with him. She didn’t even know if he’d been told about the birds and the bees … let alone the bees and the bees. ‘Or would this be the birds and the birds?’ Her parents had never really had ‘The talk’ with her until she’d already been through her flight school’s compulsory first semester Sex-Ed course … which had been a few months after she’d already met Cloudkicker … and anypony who knew Cloudkicker for more than five minutes would understand how redundant that little story had been for the cyan pegasus.

All of this to say that Rainbow Dash felt she was the last pony who should be having this sort of talk with the diminutive dragon. “It … it just is,” she said finally, hoping beyond hope he would just let the subject drop.

The glare that tainted Spikes features said otherwise. “Fine … we’ll do this the hard way.”

~~~~

-bang-

‘How could I have been so STUPID,’ Twilight demanded, her forehead now beginning to wear a dent in the countertop.

-bang-

‘First there’s what happened last night. I mean … she probably bought that it was an accident, which it WAS … but now with this- … this- … THIS.’

-bang-

‘No … she probably doesn’t believe last night was an accident anymore now. She CERTAINLY doesn’t believe I’m not a fillyfooler. Hay, I’M having a hard time believing it now.’

-bang-

Twilight let out a soft groan as an understandably large headache began to materialize. 'She probably thinks I’m some sort of sort of … unFaustly …sex-crazed … clop-happy … DEVIANT of some sort.’ The unicorn looked up to flip the pancakes she’d put on the griddle immediately after returning to the kitchen. Then, looking at her reflection in the pans hanging in front of her, promptly resumed her self-loathing. ‘I pretty much FORCED myself onto her in there too.’ Her mind tried to comprehend the implications of what that meant for a moment. 'Oh no… She could even have me arrested for this if she wanted.’

-bang-

‘I’m going to have a worse reputation than Cloudkicker after this.’ Her mind wailed. ‘And I haven’t even lost my virginity yet.’

She pushed herself away from the counter and took a deep breath. Self-abusing her forehead obviously wasn’t getting her anywhere. Plus on that last one she’d glanced the tip of her horn on the countertop. That had compounded the headache’s still growing pain almost ten-fold for a few moments.

Returning her attention to the griddle she set the cooked pancakes onto a plate and started baking more. It was a welcome distraction that was over all too soon.

What bothered her most about what had happened, wasn’t so much what she’d done, but that she’d liked doing it. That sounded like she was the villain in a Horror book, or some sick … Thriller Romance novel. She’d literally just assaulted one of her best friends and now looking back on it she could pretty much say she’d enjoyed doing it. She had half a mind to go turn herself in right now.

~~

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that sometimes a demented FREAK of a pony cannot always resist certain urges they have. But at least I’m in JAIL now. So Rainbow Dash will be able to begin therapy for her trauma without having to worry about a crazed SEX-DEVIANT raping her in the middle of town-square anymore. Prison may be rough, but since I’m a unicorn at least I won’t have to worry about dropping the soap.

Your Faithful Felon,

Twi-

“Oww Spike … oww …. Stop it-Oww Oww OWWW.”

-crash-

“Come ON, Rainbow. We’re going to fix this and we’re going to fix it- YAOWW… you bit me!”

“You were pulling my mane out.”

“I can’t believe you BIT me.”

Twilight burst into the main library to see Spike and Rainbow literally butting heads and glaring daggers into each other’s eyes. “What the fracas is going on in here?!”

Each pointed to the offending other and shouted in unison “(S)He started it!” They both wheeled on each other still shouting in a unified manner, “I started it?! YOU started it!” The situation would have almost been comical had Twilight’s headache been a few thousand decibels lower.

“SIT DOWN!”

To her surprise, the angered glares immediately morphed into apologetic pouts as both creatures firmly planted their rumps on the ground. Looking them over Twilight could see a bruise already forming on Spike’s arm where Rainbow had bit him. However in his other claw the multicolored strands of hair said that his injury had certainly been well-earned. The overturned end-table next to the bathroom door appeared to be the only collateral damage from the brief scuffle.

“What do you two think you’re doing?” Upon seeing their mouths open she could tell that unified shouting was the only answer she was going to get. “DAT … no,” she said, cutting them off. Seeing as how they weren’t going to do this civilly on their own she pointed a hoof to Spike, “Your story.”

The little dragon took a deep breath and began rambling out his explanation as if he were on a timer of some sort to make his case. “Rainbow Dash was lying in the tub and I asked her if you patched things up. She said it’s complicated which is stupid because you guys should either be friends or not and all you need to do is talk this out. Even though I’m not sure what’s going on anymore I’m sure you’ll still be friends.”

Twilight took a moment to process exactly what he’d said and nodded slowly. “And you thought pulling her hair out would get her to do what you want?”

“Well … when you put it like that, it sounds all mean,” he grumbled.

Twilight rolled her eyes and shook her head. There wasn’t a whole lot of point reasoning with him at the moment because in a way he was right. She and Rainbow did need to talk, but not with him in the room. “Go flip the pancakes and eat your breakfast. Rainbow Dash and I need to talk.”

Spike leaped from his spot on the floor and dashed to the kitchen, a mild look of triumph on his face.

“Ahh ah,” Twilight said stopping him half way, “you still owe an apology.”

Spike groused and turned back to the pegasus. “I’m sorry you and Twilight had a fight.”

“That is NOT an apology.”

“… and for pulling your mane.” With that she let him depart. But before disappearing through the door he turned back and stuck his tongue out. Rainbow Dash returned the gesture which earned them both a glare from Twilight. ‘Well at least they’re not destroying the library anymore.’

Satisfied that Spike would be sufficiently distracted Twilight laid down on her stomach. She wanted to talk about what had just happened. There wasn’t exactly a guide on how to start a conversation ‘accidental sex’ (at least that was the only thing she could think to describe what had happened). So she went by that old conversation starting standby of, “So…”

Rainbow Dash forced an awkward grin, hoping to disarm some of the tension in the room. “Heheh … So…”

Twilight reached up and scratched a nonexistent itch on the back of her neck. “So … you … showered?”

“Yeah,” she answered. “It was … nice.” It was true she never really ‘dried off’ but pegasus fur and feathers were pretty efficient at shedding water so she was practically dry now anyways. “I mean … up until the mane pulling.”

“Yeah … sorry about that.”

“N-no, it’s not you,” Rainbow reassured. “Spike just … he just doesn’t know everything and is trying to help.”

“Yeah.”

Silence filled the void between them for the next few moments until Rainbow Dash finally cracked. “Ugh, okay look,” she said, trying to sound like a calm voice of reason. “This ‘beating around the bush’ stuff is getting us nowhere. I vote we just say what we’re thinking, see where the chips fall, and work from there.”

Twilight swallowed and nodded. If they both just sat there and waited for the other to talk then Spike would come back out and start asking questions nopony wanted to answer. And Spike probably wouldn’t appreciate the answers he got either.

“Alright, you go first,” the pegasus insisted. True it wasn’t exactly fair of her to do that, but this mushy inner feeling stuff wasn’t exactly her strong point. So she’d just go off of what Twilight thought was important and work out from there.

Twilight took a deep breath, and shut her eyes. “PleasedontbemadIdontwannagotojail,” she blurted out, dropping her head to the floor and covering her face in shame that the first thing she could say about the situation was probably the most selfish thing possible.

Rainbow Dash shook her head as if she’d just been smacked with a two-by-four. “Wait … What?”

“I mean, just look at me,” Twilight lamented. “I’m not exactly gorgeous, but nopony in prison is. As much as I hate to admit it I have ‘Defenseless Egghead’ written all over me. And after being charged with a sex crime? My virginity won’t last an hour in there.”

Despite all the shock, horror, dread, and obvious distress the librarian had while expressing her fear, Rainbow couldn’t exactly help but give a snicker-snort at that last statement. She covered her mouth with her hooves to hold it in, but the damage had been done and there was no hiding the obvious delight her mind was having at Twilight’s expense.

“I’m serious,” she said, her worry turning to rage. However, this only caused Rainbow’s restrained snorts to evolve into roaring peals of laughter. “Do you have any idea what happens to ponies in prison?”

“Oh my gosh. You, you, you,” Rainbow tried to speak, but her laughs and cramping stomach prevented coherent speech.

“This isn’t FUNNY!”

Spike’s inquisitive mind couldn’t help but see what the new commotion was about and stuck his head out to see. “Umm, Twil-”

“WHAT?!” Any curiosity he may have had died with the look of death she whiplashed around in his direction and the baby dragon retreated back to the warm embrace of pancakes and syrup. To keep the dragon from actually hearing anything not meant for his ears Twilight cast a sound-dampening spell to fill the area between the two mares and the kitchen. It wouldn’t STOP sound, but as long as they both spoke at normal levels he wouldn’t be able to hear them.

Dash was starting to get her laughter under control, though giggles and chuckles still threatened to start the whole thing back up again. “Oh wow, Twilight. I’m sorry but just … WOW.”

“Oh come ON, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight insisted, “I was worse than Cloudkicker in there. And she’s almost been thrown in prison several times for lewd behavior.”

“No, no, not that,” she said, waving a hoof dismissively. “I just can’t believe you’re actually still a virgin.”

“Oh Luna,” she lamented, covering her face with her hooves on the floor again. “That is the only thing you got out of this conversation isn’t it?”

Rainbow Dash scoffed at the melodrama. “Now look who’s not listening. What I meant was that … THAT,” she waved her hoofs to the open bathroom door, “was not something I would expect from somepony who’d never had sex before.”

“What?”

“I mean … if you’ve never done it before then how would you learn …” her voice trailed off as her eyes drifted over to the looming bookshelves. “Oh I see,” she said, a knowing smirk now tainting her features. “little sheltered egghead doesn’t just read history and spell-casting does she?”

“I … well” Twilight’s eyes shifted about the room, looking for anything that could help her change this subject.

The pegasus flew up and began scanning titles. “So where do you keep the juicy stuff?” As the fates would have it Rainbow Dash’s search took her straight to the intended section. “Oh wow … you have three shelves dedicated to Manehattan’s Harlequin Publishing?”

Okay, you know a publishing company has a high level of notoriety when the least bookish mare in Ponyville knows they print a lot of clop.

“High Fever; All Riled Up; Ha … VIRGIN RIVER?!” Twilight leaped through the air, tackling Rainbow dash to the ground and blushing furiously with embarrassment. The pegasus’ voice had been steadily rising as she named off books and that dampening field could only prevent so much volume.

“Rainbow, stop,” she chided through gritted teeth, “Spike’s going to hear you.”

“TWILIGHT, STOP!” she yelled, wrapping her hooves around the librarian’s neck so she couldn’t get away, “SPIKE’S GOING TO CATCH US.”

As expected, the baby dragon heard the commotion and once again couldn’t resist the temptation to investigate. “Okay … if you don’t want me to hear what you’re saying then you-” His eyes went wide as he saw the compromising position the two mares were currently in.

The unicorn thrashed and tried to get away, which only served to make the position appear that much more awkward. Rainbow cackled with delight as her plan to mortify Twilight had just gone better than she’d hoped, her grip loosening only because she had to grip her sides to keep from bursting at the seams.

Twilight turned to Spike, coughed, and resisted the urge to fix her frazzled mane. “Spike, this isn’t what it looks like.”

He raised an eyebrow at this. “Well, what does it look like?” he asked, feeling more than a little confused.

“Yeah, Twilight, tell us what it looks like that’s got you ‘All Riled Up’. ”

“I- … you … guhh … nothing. It’s nothing, and you need to go back in the kitchen.”

“But I’m not-”

“NOW!”

“Yes ma’am.” He didn’t have the slightest clue what was going on, but he could tell that Twilight was quickly reaching the end of her rope. But no matter how little rope there was left, there was always just enough left to hang him with. Better to just let Rainbow Dash take the brunt of the storm and see what was left over to clean up afterwards.

With that little nuisance gone for another minute Twilight returned her attention back to the pegasus laying on her lobby floor. “And you ... What are you doing?”

Rainbow Dash wiped a laughing tear away. “I’m sorry Twi’,” she said, “I’ve just spent the last while worrying that I’d offended you or taken advantage of you, just to find out that’s exactly what you’ve been doing. So, yeah, I’m just glad to know we’re both … more okay than we thought we were.”

Twilight heaved a sigh of relief, glad to know she wouldn’t need to send her last friendship report from within the walls of the Ponyville Penitentiary. “Okay,” she breathed, “so we’re-”

“We’re cool,” said Rainbow, standing back up. “Is that breakfast invite still open?”

Twilight smiled. “Breakfast sounds awesome.”