Spike removed his massive claws from the space vampire's corpse. The flesh flew onto his face. He laughed with glee. Then he turned to Twilight. Who smiled with the grin of a cat on cocaine
The space vampires aimed their claws towards her. They were angered with the raising of the sun. The vampire lord wore a black glove and crushed the sun killing all who used it for survival. Twilight sought revenge against them. Spike let out a large roar scaring the space vampires. Fear and sweat ran down their blood covered faces. Twilight turned her horn into the deadliest weapon she had ever known, A CHAINSAW. It roared with the screams of innocent children charging into battle. It carved through the army of with the force of gods.
The area was clear. It was filled with bloody corpses and remains of the vampire army.
“Now, Spike”, Twilight said. With the sight of the ugly face of Spike she reminded her self to kill of his kind. She was about to give a mighty speech about how we the ponies are greater than the vampire race but then it had happened.
The vampire lord's hand landed above Twilight, darkening Ponyville like a solar eclipse only his hands were bony. His flesh bubbling. “TWILIGHT, WATCH OUT!”, said her pet dragon. She moved out of the way with the speed of a hawk. Twilight threw Spike into the air. His claws landed in the ground creating a pit leading into hell itself. The vampire lord fell to hell, his flesh boiling with bubbles popping high into the air, his screams being heard on mountain tops in the realm of the gods. Rocks fell breaking his bones as his flesh melted was melted by the sunlight. Finally, his body fell upon sharp rocks then to Satan's torture's pit. All was saved from the vampire demons. Their planet was no longer a threat. Twilight took note to destroy all who stood before her might. The world cheered as the Portsmouth Sinfonia played Also Sprach Zarathrustra as the sun was risen.
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Twilight whipped away the blood from her horn and gave the chainsaw to the poor and suffering ponies.
“Now, Spike, there is more at stake”
Twilight unleashed her guitar, Fuckicorn whom screamed for mercy, begging to be let go and brought back to innocence. Forged by the ancients in hell itself, the mere mentioning of it would cause one's head to explode with have their body burned with unholy fuck fire. Twilight played a mighty tune that one she can only hear and that one else could, not even her mentor. The tune summoned a mighty meteor deep from within galaxy. Covered in lava it crashed into Canterlot killing all the fucklings who lived there.
Twilight looked up and saw thousands of Plasma Ninjas fall from the sky. Celestia told Twilight before she went on her mission of justice these wise words.
“Twilight, you must not forget the notes". She knew that she meant both
Twilight mounted the meteor and flew into space. But before doing so she did what she had been told to. She brought Fuckicorn and played a tune that made the heads of all the remaining dragons in the realm explode with delight. This made Twilight very happy. She flew into space punching Plasma Ninjas with her hooves, which were made out of chainsaws. The movements were so fast it opened a hole in space and time destroying many worlds and the history of the universe as we know it. A vampire ninja landed on Mars, biting the cavemen created the deadliest threat ever known to ponies causing the events at the beginning of our story. The Cavemen Ninjas did not scare Twilight. She brought out Fuckicorn once more freighted them to the bone. The mere sight of it boiled their flesh and bursted their bones across Equestria. It rained like flaming rain killing all that stood between Twilight and the rest of the universe.
Another tune of Fuckicorn was played once more for the final time. It destroyed Neptune which in doing so made Saturn orgasm to death killing the fuck out of it. The asteroid belt had exploded in to trillion and four pieces and fell into the mouth of Earth. Earth had no humans ever since the great Human-Pony war. All of them had perished in that war because of their love of fast food. It ruined them, made the slow making them excellent food for Princess Celestia and her sister Luna. They fed for eons on their flesh.
Upon arriving in Equestria for the great meeting, Celestia charged at Twilight.
“My princess, what was that? Was it for me saving the rest?”
“You really think that?” She scoffed and dropped the last remaining planet. It crushed into a thousand trillion pieces.
“You haven't been the princess we have needed. What are you now? A weak fuckling?”
She laughed with the rage of a beast, causing the ears of every pony to fall off and walk away to go to their home planet. Celestia flexed one of her legs, made out of Iron Maiden albums and kicked a planet in four quarters so her children can feed.
“You, see, I am no longer raising the sun”, she said with the look of fuck fire. “I am raising the darkness”
“But you are weak for doing so. This is a reminder of how the humans and Plasma Ninjas failed”
“And what of it? Is it a sin for one to make a people remember the failures of another? They ought to be behead and thrown against the wrath of our fagpoles.” The demon ninja guards took Twilight to the dungeon.
It was a few days later. Twilight Sparkle was awoken by the sound of a Grapist. Not a Grapist, but the Grapist. Last of his kind after the ponies destroyed the vineyards. The juicy bodies aided the ponies in their war against the humans but they were betrayed. Thousands were killed and eaten alive by the wealthy of Canterlot. It sought out revenge. For thousands of years he trained at the greatest temples to the point were he was trained by the great Ra's Al Ghul. When he arrived many of them laughed at his largeness. It all ended when M60's emerged from his back firing thousands of crystal grapes. When on impact they transformed into vines turning all of the fucklings into grapes. He had his revenge.
But then the innocent fillies came out. They were 7.8 of them, their bodies tied together with duck tape made out of lava from the remains of Mars. The Grapist looked into their eyes and saw the horror of what he was doing. “Why do this, Grapist?”, asked filly 3.6. He couldn't stop his machine gun, he was confused on the matter. “Let us aid you”, said filly 4.9. They stood in a circle singing the ancient songs. The humming made him fly into the air. He let out tears the cleansed the land of all the evil he had brought. The final lyrics made he fly into space to meet Freddie Mercury and grape him. He was to grape him good. Twilight has no clue what happened and then was brought back to the dungeon and was tortured.
