The Glorious Tale of the Unspeakable Pony.

by Epic Quest

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Adventure
Length: 530

No words can properly convey the glory and awesomeness contained within!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-28 14:14:05 UTC

The First Taste of Godhood

Allow me to first inform you, dear reader, that no words can properly convey the amount of awesomeness that the pony of this tale possesses. Even if there were, I would hesitate to speak it, for the words would cause your ears to tear themselves off in jealousy, and your bodies would literally melt with lust as the mental images filled your thoughts. As such, I have attempted to abridge the awesomeness of this pony's exploits so that it may be safe enough to record their deeds. I also have decided not to speak the pony's name, lest it cause lightning to strike all around us, reducing the world to ashes.

First of all, Season 3 would have had a better villain to start off with, but the pony got to them first. You think you need the elements of harmony to stop an evil tyrant? Mare, please, this glorious, equine god blasted the buck out of them with lasers made of pure hatred from his eyes. So intense was the blast, that the villain exploded into flames as it experienced the rage that no mortal body was ever supposed to contain. Speaking of flames, this unspeakable pony's body grows fire instead of hair from its mane and tail. Like a pokemon, except it doesn't let some prepubescent child seal it away in a brightly colored ball. It would stomp that child into the ground with one kick, and then the child would thank the pony for having the honor of dying by its hooves.

So with the actual villain having been incinerated, King Sombra had to step in to replace them. Of course, King Sombra was so terrified of the unspeakable pony, that he lost all nerve to be a proper villain, and disgusted by his cowardice, the pony declared he wasn't even worthy of his time, and left the little ant that he was to be blown to bits by the power of love and joy.

While they were busy saving an empire made entirely out of crystals, which would only cost 0.5% of this pony's bank account, rounded down, he paid a visit to Canterlot and seduced the princesses into bringing back Discord, for a Fluttershy episode. By seduced, I of course mean the two fellow goddesses became soaking wet at the very sight of this glorious stallion before them and begged to have his foals. But since children only tie you down and gradually sap your awesomeness, he refused, and they still freed Discord, because his body language told them to. Even to this day, Celestia and Luna cry themselves to sleep at the knowledge they were turned down by such a prospective mate.

That's the real reason that Celestia looked away from Discord and seemed to blush. It wasn't a crush on Discord, it was a burning desire in her nethers for a true stallion god who went off to fight the real threats that couldn't be contained by the power of friendship, leaving the mane six to deal with the rejects of villainy.

And that concludes the first taste of godhood, and this glorious pony's deeds in Equestria.