Beat The Devil's Tattoo

“Love is a lie and you are all foolish to believe in it. It's nothing but an illusion to our minds and is the base of insanity. What do you do for your “loved” one? Would you willingly break every bone in your poor, clueless body? Or perhaps you would go so far as to kill all the ponies around you? And once you have gained it, what do you do with it? Let it sit in your heart as the colors of the rainbow fade away from you as you grow old and weary? Do the crimes you commit, big or small, outweigh the emotion your “lover” gives you? No, they don’t, and yet we ponies still choose to fall in love in this very way.”

I wrote that excerpt above, with no shame may I add. I'm one of those ponies that others call “illogical”. I am an oddity to them and they avoid me as I walk down the forsaken roads to a place I call “home”. They do not see what I see because they are inexperienced lovers. Veteran at love am I not, for I've had but one to love in my life, but these ponies I see out there in the streets are clueless. They are so blinded by their lover that they do not see the crimes they commit when trying to completely capture their heart. I was as blind as them at a time not too far in the past, carelessly frolicking through the fields of greed.

What a shameful field that is, stealing any innocence that's left in us, if there was any to begin with. We ponies are born greedy, for we want two things; love and violence. We're no different than savage animals fighting for food and pride. Every argument, every disruption of peace between two ponies is no different than a bloodbath battle between two lions. I, Lyra Heartstrings, have been in that battle... and I lost.

The demon of which I once called my lover was quite the charmer. At first glance, she looked like an average mare, but I knew inside her was some sort of other beauty. I didn't know what it was that peaked my interest in her, but I pummeled forth into the lair of the bashful and arrogant fools. Bon Bon... that name rings in my head like a church bell that doesn't stop ringing, preventing the citizens of the curious mind to sleep somberly and snug in their beds. It is that name that kept me going, for I could not stop thinking about it, night after night. My ridiculous sentiment toward this mare that I've met led me to think of inappropriate thoughts and future wishes.

I was taught that it was the emotional influence toward one another that true love was reached. Those tutors were wrong. All I could think about was her body next to mine, solemnly sleeping in a nice, cozy bed after a long, androgynous day. It was the physical contact that made me fall in love, but it's also what drove me insane to my very core. It was the outside beauty that released the inner hideousness within her... no... us.

It came to me after a certain night ended and the morning called for us to awake. It was the first night I've ever gotten “drunk and dizzy” with anyone. It was as if all my cares for others' individual freedoms floated away on a cloud of idiocy. My natural pony instincts kicked in that night after we arrived home, selfishly clinging to my lover, not letting her out of my arms until the moon was scorched from the sky.

After that night, I swore I would literally protect her at all costs, even at the costs of my own life. That was the most foolish decision I've made in my life, and I couldn't even decide for myself. My body decided for me, ungratefully obsessed with this mortal body that it has interacted with. I knew in my heart that this wasn't “true love”, but it was impossible to control. I was angry at myself, I wanted to hurt something. I wanted to clinically injure somepony! I was just waiting for the right moment.

I kept waiting and waiting for that scene where I could release all of my rage. I waited for years and years, eventually thinking that the moment would never come and all this rage that was built up after night and night of sex and alcohol would just rest inside me forever. Oh, how wrong I was.

It was another simple night at the bar, or at least my dangerous mind thought it was. That was until some drunk as hell stallion came along, attempting to take all the moments I had with my lover with one low sweep. My anger was at its peak at that moment. Something in my mind told me to brutalize the stallion, but something also told me to stay calm and handle the situation properly. That second something was ignored completely, for I was drunk, angry, and mean.

Then, my heart shattered at the scene I saw next; she left me. She left me to wallow in my tears for a stallion of which she barely met. Body contact, a kiss, a death of my soul. It was at that point I lost control.

I swore at him loudly, attracting all the attention in the bar. It silenced so fast that the stools' squeaks of age were heard as people turned to see me. My face was boiling red, full of hate, anguish and had the intent of violence. I think I heard Bon Bon telling me to calm down, but my mind never acknowledged it.

Suddenly, everything went black. I heard screams, shatters, and faint cheers, but see I could not. I couldn’t feel, smell or taste for some matter of minutes. I was scared, for I didn’t know what I could do. Even if I knew, I doubt I would be able to do it.

Everything started to become clear again as I heard Bon Bon’s screams. Colors started streaming back to my eyes, and one color was in the majority of my sight; red. A familiar, pony-like shape was in the middle of the red, with shards of reflective silver scattered upon the floor. I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my right hoof, but I was too tired to scream. I simply looked at it, the blood rushing down the side of my arm and I stared at it in disbelief. What I have done; unreasonable, unfathomable, and recklessly idiotic beyond to even the great mind of Twilight Sparkle if she saw this.

Before I knew it, I was being dragged against my will out of the bar. I saw Bon Bon’s disappointed expression staring not at me, but at herself. She knew what she had done to lead me here, and she knows that it will be near impossible to forgive herself.

It’s been two months since that night and I’m thankful that the stallion I hit’s wounds were not severe. Otherwise, I would be rotting in prison for another 10 years. I finally get out of this horrid jail today. I went through a very tedious rehabilitation camp to mend my alcohol problem I gained over the past couple years as well. Bon Bon, as I easily predicted, never came to see me while I was in jail. As much as you wouldn’t think I would care, I do, very deeply. She was the one I loved for years and she completely erased me from her mind. So, as much as I hate to do it, I shall erase her as well. She’s probably in love with another pony by now so she can suck the meaning of their state of being as she did mine. Still, I can’t help but think of the kind of life I would live if we were still together.

In a matter of minutes, my life will change… or will it? It’s really something I can’t predict, always surprising me, albeit most of the time negatively surprising me. After I head out the door of the lobby, I will see the smiling sun freely and happily for the first time in two months. It may not sound too much like a long time, but it sure felt like it.

During those two months, I was nearly tempted to slice off my “cutie mark”. Yes, this is a true fact. Bon Bon and I gained our cutie marks on the same day together. I was the happiest I’d ever been that day, but now that I look back on it, that day was nothing more than the starting point of my foolish decisions. Now, I look at that mark and see nothing but the Devil’s tattoo.

A voice surprises me from behind. “Well, Miss Heartstrings, it looks like the day has come for you to beat this place!” The voice cheerily tells me. I snap my head up to locate the origin of the voice and conclude it to be from a very rough and tough stallion who really needs to shave his mustache.

“I’m… I’m free to go?” I respond to him. I am nearly afraid to answer the behemoth incorrectly, so I lower the tone of my voice down to its lowest. The stallion laughs fiercely. I feel as though he has the voice to dictate the world.

“Hahaha! That’s when they all say when I tell them that! Yes, ma’am! I’ve filled out your papers and it looks like you are in the clear!” He says with a large, beaming smile on his face. I fake a smile and giggle with him. However, seconds later, his face turns to a stare and I squeak mildly, flinching back on the bench I lay on. The atmosphere of the room I’m in suddenly turns somber and dark as he stares me down.

“But, be warned, Heartstrings,” he begins, “Do something to get in here again and it’ll be a little more than two months.”

I silently nod my head, sweating up a hurricane. It’s amazing how ponies can shift attitudes in this jail so fluently and quickly. After that little scene, his ogre-like face shifts back into a harmless smile.

“Good! Glad you understand! Now, get home before I change my mind about letting you go today.” He orders. This is one order I can let my body decide for me. I start running out the door of the room, all the while thinking about what he said; “get home”.

I was so excited to get out of this hellhole that I forgot I lived with Bon Bon. I nearly crash into a wall in the jail’s lobby when I remember that I’m now homeless. I have no money, no home, no love and no hope. It’s me versus the world now. Unfortunately, I’m most likely to lose.

I burst out the door and nearly immediately remember that I was arrested in November. The frigid cold greets me with a bitter, windy blast as I’m nearly knocked off my hooves. The sun is hidden away by the clouds and there is nothing but dark gray puffs in the sky to see me free.

If only I hadn’t fallen for that mare, I wouldn’t be in this predicament. She won’t take my sorry flank back into her home, either, for I’m almost sure of that. Who would ever want me to take part in their lives after an incident like that? Nopony with a brain, that’s who.

I’m standing outside a jail in the cold winter with nothing. I have no home, no food, no money, no anything. Staring into the sky, I see her face looking down on me with a tear running down her face. She’s turned away, afraid to face me personally for fear I will ignore her lackluster existence… and she’s correct.

I don’t need her. That demon of a mare should have been in jail with me for all she’s caused. She didn’t even have the heart to come apologize to me. Hell, she didn’t even come to see me at all. Strangely, I don’t feel as much anger as I do fear. I no longer have a partner in which I can cooperate with to survive, meaning that I will struggle and eventually give up.

I’m ashamed to have the mind that I possess, always thinking logically and eventually depressing myself when I figure out that there is no good way to survive. When I was little, I used to listen to a band whose singer thought as logically as I did. In the end, that stallion ended up committing suicide out of depression and I can’t help imagining that I will end up heading that direction as well.

My train of thought is disrupted largely as the wind blows a wild local newspaper to my side, making me flinch. Using my magic, I lift the newspaper to my face to read the headline, but early night sky refuses to let me. After 30 frustrating seconds, I give up and throw it carelessly to the side. It’s probably about a subject I give not even one care for.

Since I know there is no point in trying to find somewhere to stay tonight, I might as well just find the closest place that has heat before I catch a virus of some kind. I look left and right down the street and I see but one available open building. Unfortunately for me, that building is the bar I was arrested at.