A Real B*ckin Villain
(By gcwg57)
“Miss Sparkle…”
“You can call me Twilight.”
“Very well. Miss Twilight, as a representative of Equestria daily; I must inform you that this interview will be recorded, and that we will have exclusive rights to this story. Also, provided that you give the whole and true story; we will not tamper with any information given by you. Do you understand?”
“I understand, Miss… Penstroke was it?”
“Yes, now are you ready to begin?”
“I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”
“Good.” There was a brief silence, and then a *click* as Penstroke turned on the tape recorder. “Now tell me about the first day of the attack.”
“Well, it was a crisp, fall morning; a bit colder than usual but that was ok because today was the running of the leaves celebration. I was entering for the third year in a row and didn’t want to be late.
“Spike, Spike!” I called out.
“Yes, Twilight?” was his quick response.
“Do you have the checklist?”
“Umm…”
“Well go get it! If we don’t hurry we’re going to be late.”
“I’m on it!” Spike said as he bolted off to retrieve the list. I stood there and waited by the door of the library. In preparation for the race, I was wearing my running shoes with matching socks and headband, which were recommended to me by my book on marathon running. Knowing how long Spike might take, I selected “The Essentials of a Marathon” off the shelf and started reading the chapter assessments. I was almost done recapping the section on how to avoid hyperventilating when Spike came back with the list.
“I got it!”
“Good. First on the list, make sure spike has the correct checklist.”
“Check!” Spike sounded off.
“Second, check the checklist for all appropriate checks.”
“Check!”
“Running shoes.”
“Check!”
“Matching socks and headband.”
“Check!”
“Water bottle.”
“Check!”
“Towel for after running.”
“Check!”
“Quill and paper to take notes while running.”
“Check!”
“Stopwatch to time running.”
“Check!”
“Charted results from last year to compare to this year.”
“Check!”
“Double check checklist for all appropriate checks”
“…Check!”
“Well then let’s get out of here before we miss it.” On that note, Spike and I left the library to the celebration.
It was a long way to the race so to save time, Spike hoped on my back, and I ran and partially jogged the whole way there. Luckily, we arrived a few minutes before the deadline for registration. Behind the registration booth was a mint green mare with a light pink mane.
“Name?” said the registration mare.
“Twilight Sparkle that’s T-W-I-L-I”
“I can spell thank you.” The mare interrupted with a fake smile that said,
“You’re lucky I’m being paid to be nice.” I took the hint and quietly waited for her to finish filling out my registration. A moment later she stacked the papers, filed them away, and pulled out a number patch.
“Your contestant number is 42…”
“YES!” I shouted out loud. The mare looked at me quizzically.
“This is the third year in a row that I’ve gotten that number” I explained. The registration mare rolled her eyes and handed me the number patch.
“The race starts in seven minutes, and I wish you luck… NEXT!”
As I walked over to my spot at the starting line, I took a detour over to Pinkie and her balloon so that she and Spike could comment on the race together. As I approached…
“NARWHAL!”
“What...?” I was cut short by a plush narwhal hitting me in the face. “Pinkie, what are you doing?”
“I’m giving out stuffed animals to random ponies as they pass by!” She then proceeded to pull out a small plush tiger, seemingly out of nowhere, and threw it at a passing unicorn mare with purple sunglasses.
“Oh yeah! Now I gotta DJ buddy. Thanks Pinkie.”
“Don’t mention it.”
“So Spike, yah ready to react to the racing runners?”
“I’m ready whenever you are Pinkie.”
“Okie Dokie Lokie, Spikey Wikey! Hop aboard and up we go!” Spike and Pinkie then boarded the balloon and took to the skies. Pinkie then pulled out a huge megaphone. There was a quick ear piercing screech as she turned it on that startled everypony in earshot.
“Good morning everypony!”
“I’m Pinkie Pie.”
“And I’m Spike.”
“And we’re here today as your all seeing, eyes in the sky” Pinkie and Spike’s voices rang out over the grounds with a clarity and volume that Princess Luna would’ve found humbling. “By the way, everypony, the race starts in five minutes, so racers get your hooves to the starting line so that we can get these leaves moving!”
“And we would like to thank Mr. and Mrs. Cake, and the residents of Sweet Apple Acres for catering this event. We would also like to thank the racers that have volunteered this year to help clean up the fall.”
Spike’s voice droned out my mind in place of a new thought. “Five minutes! My mind blurted out in panic. I need to get over there now!” After a minute or two, I got around to the starting line, where I found a plethora of ponies stretching, pacing, or just standing there waiting. In the midst of them I found Applejack and Rainbow Dash in the middle of a heated debate.
“For the last time Rainbow; I don’t care if ya’ll won the Fastest Flyer Competition. You won’t be flyin in this race so it don’t matter.” Applejack said definitively.
“Ok, but even then, I’m still the fastest pony in Equestria!” Rainbow countered.
“On who’s judgment was that decision made?”
“Mine! Now move out my way so that my fans can bask in my awesomeness”
At that moment, Scootaloo and the other fan club members all jumped up in the stand they were in.
“We love you, Rainbow!”
“Kick her butt!”
“You can do it Rainbow!”
“WooHoo!”
“Rainbow Dash!”
“Is number one!” the fanponies said in unison.
“Rainbow Dash!”
“Is number one!”
“Rainbow Dash!”
“Is number one!”
“Goooooo Rainbow Dash!” The fanponies sat back down and Rainbow looked at them with an approving smirk.
“Correction Applejack, it was my judgment and theirs!”
“I still think that your just tootin your horn a little too much for your own good Sugarcube.” At this point I decided to interject into the conversation.
“Didn’t you two learn your lesson about this already?”
“It’s OK, Twilight” Rainbow answered. “We know not to get carried away; it’s just that a little trash-talk before a race really helps get you in the zone.”
I thought about this for a second and wondered if it was such a good tactic, why hadn’t I read it in any of my books?
“Schreeech!”
My thought process was interrupted by Pinkie’s megaphone again.
“Attention, everypony!” Pinkie rang out. “The race will be starting in one minute, so racers take your mark.”
The other racers and I scrambled to our designated starting areas.
Then Spike’s voice called out, “On your mark!
Get set!
Go!”
“BOOM!” The gun sounded off and the racers bolted, but something was wrong, very wrong. There was screaming behind me. This was expected, but it wasn’t cheerful screams of encouragement and admiration. They were screams of horror and terror.
“BOOM!” the gun went off a second time. At that moment I knew what had happened. Before I turned around, I knew that the unthinkable had happened.
For the first time in a thousand years, a pony had been murdered in Equestria.
