Alright, let's start here: Equestria has broken almost all of your expectations.
You thought you would —
I see your look of disbelief already. "How can he presume to tell me the thoughts in my head," right? Listen — the princess did send you here for a reason. Will you trust me for just 30 seconds?
Want a drink? I just brewed a fresh batch of dandelion coffee. … No, no, it'll taste good, I promise. Just sit down and make yourself comfortable. We're alone for the moment, so — oh, sure, the sofa's fine.
Be right back — I'll go grab that pot from the kitchen.
Okay. So. Point one, remember what she told you: you're not the first. There are plenty of things I can tell you about yourself based on prior experience. You were a human, from a world you call Earth. You learned about Equestria from a television show called "My Little Pony," about my sister and the friends she made in Ponyville. Your heart burned to visit us — you couldn't have gotten here if it didn't.
And you expected your coffee to be bitter.
You don't need to hide your surprise — that happens every single time. Your taste buds react to some flavors differently than they did as a human. See? Trust me. I know what I'm doing.
Here, I'll top you off. You look a little tired — that's the last thing we want. But stop at two cups — that stuff will give you jitters.
Second point, you —
(Nicker.) Sorry. Point two. Parallel structure. That used to drive Twiley so crazy. She corrected me so often I developed my own reflex for it.
I love her, but she's so scrupulously precise with everything, even spoken language. I'm told that on Earth you call it "obsessive compulsive disorder". … What? … No comment.
Point two, there are things I can guess about you from the fact you're here. Our-house here, not Equestria-here. For instance, you didn't expect to be in Canterlot when you first arrived in Equestria. You took for granted that if you were to end up here somehow, it would be in the Everfree Forest. When they escorted you to Celestia's audience chamber, you expected she'd find some excuse to send you to Ponyville. After all, that's where your show says all the action is.
Instead, you're stuck in a strange city, and I'm one of the few faces you've even recognized. You look a little overwhelmed, and I don't blame you.
Have you even eaten since you got here? … Really? Cripes! Have some wheat chips — they won't blow your mind like the coffee did, but they'll tide you over. We'll all go out to dinner later — Cadence will be thrilled to meet you. In the meantime, I just want you to be as comfortable as possible.
Oh, really, it's no problem. Every visit from Earth is a special occasion.
Anyway … point three, there are things I can tell you about yourself just by looking at you.
Your Cutie Mark, for example. Complimenting you on it may be a bit strange, since it wasn't under your conscious control, but I think it shows an admirable hidden depth. … Did you know, by the way, that a full 30 percent of visiting Earthlings have a writing-related Mark? It's amazingly disproportionate. … I know! I just thought you'd find that amusing.
Also, you didn't expect to be a mare. You —
Are you okay? … No, don't worry about it. I have a spell to clean up coffee stains. I'm sorry. I should have waited until you'd finished your cup.
Before I ask you whether that's a "how'd he know?" look or a "what's he smoking?" look on your muzzle, I should explain. It's subtle things about the way you carry yourself. The way you keep brushing your mane out of your face. The way you walk. When you backsat on the couch, the way your hinds sprawled out. Some of that's going to be unfamiliarity with a pony body, or human muscle memory, but I'd like to think I've had enough practice to spot this.
Actually — will you indulge me? I like getting to play Sherclop Holmes. I want to paint you a picture of who you were before coming here. Don't interrupt -- just let me blather on a bit. I'll end up looking either like a genius or a fool, so it should be entertaining either way.
You grew up in one of Earth's richest and most advanced societies, in a city with an almost unimaginable number — what, hundreds of thousands? — of your fellow humans. You were a young single male just past the cusp of adulthood. You spent most of your days taking classes at a university, but to support yourself you also worked evenings at a job bearing little relation to your special talent. In your free hours, you spent most of your time sitting at your, what was the word, computer, which was your link to a giant virtual commune called the Internet.
To save money, you lived in shared housing with several friends. Due to your home's distance from campus, you commuted every day via rofflecopter and lollerskate —
(Laughter.)
That bad, huh? In my defense, I did suspect that the information I got from your fellow Earthlings wasn't 100% reliable.
Hey, at least you're relaxing. That's good. Here's another one: You didn't expect us all to be so understanding. You expected friendliness, of course, because that's just how Equestria is; but you've found it almost unnerving how much we're taking your needs in stride.
... Er …
I … ooh. I hope this isn't about to become awkward. You do know why you were sent here, right?
No? Really? I thought … hm. Okay. How do I put this delicately?
Okay — another moment of Sherclop. You were fascinated by stories about us — not just the ones you saw on the show, but also by the ones you read on your Internet. Maybe you even wrote a few. Right? Right.
So: Your show never talked about our sexuality, but some of the other stories did. You got a little thrill out of those. You've thought about what sex as a pony would be like. Right?
Please don't be embarrassed. You're not going to shock me. I'm married to the Princess of Love — meaning, love in all its forms.
Exactly.
Of course Celestia knew. You're here, right? She —
No! It's okay! I promise you the princess doesn't think any less of you. Remember what I said? You didn't expect us to take this in stride. That's the assumption I'm trying to break right now.
Look, I understand. All you Earthlings come here with these huge hang-ups about sex. It's taboo. It's how your culture works. But it's not how ours does.
No — it's not a dichotomy like that. You can have social norms about something without having taboos. It's like ... hmm. On Earth, it's rude to talk in public on your, what's the term, celluloid phones, right? (Cellular. Thank you.) If you do it during a lecture or a movie you'll get asked to leave, but it's not unthinkable to pull out your cell phone on the street.
It's like that here. It's awfully impolite to rut in public, unless you've set up a space for it so everypony knows what to expect. A lot of places, like the palace or the trade districts, it's off limits simply because it's too distracting to the other business that ponies need to do. And it's wrong to rut with somepony before the age of majority, because of the consent issues involved. But otherwise, nopony gives it much thought, and it works out pretty well.
Actually, that's not quite why. Twiley and her friends are adults — don't forget that they all have day jobs. But they're the Elements of Harmony, which means there are huge national security issues involved. It's rare for Celestia to send any humans to them, and definitely not the ones in estrus — there's nothing like the mating urge to disrupt their delicate balance of friendships.
Oh. Err …
It means … well, I have to be careful, because you Earthlings use the term differently. I tried explaining to one of you a few months back and got a five-minute lecture about how I was using the word wrong. Apparently your world's ponies only mate in the spring when they're fertile, and the sex urge is an overpowering and involuntary reaction to that. It's not like that here. Like all sentient races, we rut for pleasure, and can decide to act on those urges or not. Being "in estrus," or more crudely, "in heat," just means you're aroused and giving off mating-musk.
Yeah. So — remember point three? I was trying to work my way around to it once you got more comfortable, but I didn't even have to look at you to know what's been on your mind since you arrived. I've been smelling it on you from the moment I opened the door.
(Nicker.) Nothing to apologize for, I assure you.
That reminds me: I need to be extremely clear. The princess did not send you here to rut — she sent you here because this is a safe and welcoming space for it if that's what you decide you want. Neither Cadence nor I will try to coerce you into anything. We just want to make you happy, in any way we can.
That having been said, may I sit down here, on the far end of the couch? I've been on my hooves all morning.
Thanks.
Heh. I am, yes. We've been talking about sex, you're giving off scent, and you are quite an attractive mare. But if it makes you uncomfortable —
Oh! No problem, I'm just trying not to assume. Here, I'll backsit so you can see it better. I gather it's thicker than you're used to. The tip's not tapered like I'm told humans' are.
Sure. I'm happy to indulge your curiosity. Just be careful with your hoof edges, okay?
(Nicker.) Actually, you'd be surprised how well it fits. Your body's built for it.
I'm a little surprised you were comfortable enough to ask to touch it, to be honest. My experience with male Earthlings has almost always been a discomfort with other ponies' stallionhoods. Even the ones who end up as mares here want to just rut, rather than explore like this — mmmh. Careful what you rub, that's more sensitive than it looks.
Wait, were you male? I never got to —
Nnnnhhaah.
Oh, stars, your tongue — aaaah. Ah. Hold on. Wait —
I'm really sorry. I don't want to break the mood. But usually we're all together when things escalate, and my wife and I do have some rules for each other. I —
No! It's alright! I'd love to! Just — argh. No, stay there. Just give me a second to concentrate, okay?
Hello? Honey?
Pretty good, actually. Celly sent us another Earthling. This one's a mare, though, and I don't think she wants to wait until you're home. Are you okay with that? … Thanks. We —
Well, shoot. Not even for dinner?
Hah! One second, I'll ask.
Here's the situation: Cadence committed to filling in for Luna on some tax policy meetings all afternoon and evening, so she'll be back late. We're clear to play, but she did have a request. If you're comfortable with it, she'd like me to make an audio recording of what we do, so that she can play it back and enjoy us secondhoof during her dinner break. It'll give her something to look forward to.
It's strictly for her, I promise you. Unless you'd prefer a larger audience.
Sure, one sec.
Honey? She wants me to tell you thanks for sharing, and — aaaah. Considering that she just went down on me balls-deep, I think — nnhh — that's a yes …
Cadence — aaah — laughed, by the way, and told you back "Don't do anything I wouldn't do." If we reach that point, I'm going to be very, very impressed.
(Long, slow breath.) Mmmmm.
Oh! Right. Love you, honey, see you later.
Oooh … you're a natural at this. Wow. Taking my whole length inside, curling your tongue around me, licking to lubricate everything up … you even covered your teeth with your lips. Nice. Mmm, very nice.
Please continue — don't mind me. I need to narrate all this for Cadence, remember? How else will she know to picture a beautiful pony sprawled out across my hinds, muzzle wrapped around my cock, staring up at me through smoldering eyes? I want her to imagine the heat of your breath on my groin … your hooves stroking the fur of my marks, a bit clumsily, but knowing almost on instinct how sensitive they are …
I need to describe all this because I want her to be properly envious of what she's missing. You're a vision of beauty and urgency and desire — oh, stars, I can smell it, smell your need, but all you're doing is giving.
You look a bit bemused, smiling as you run — nnnh — run your tongue in circles around my shaft ...
You're stopping. The sudden chill of air on my sex sends little electric ripples up my spine. You pull yourself forward, and mmmph grrrbhph hrrmmh.
Mmmmh!
Mmmmhh …
Nnnh — aah — no, no wriggling around, you're going to stay right there for a second —
(Breathe. Breathe.)
That's no fair, shutting me up with a kiss just as you got to the best part! Don't you want her to hear all the details? How you drew your sex up to mine and rubbed as you locked our muzzles together … how you sat up, slipping into position without effort, and thrust your marehood onto me ... the sudden heat and pressure as the wet lips of your pussy parted, and my spit-slick shaft slid straight in ... the burst of pleasure as you felt me fill you up, taking my whole cock inside with a single motion. You liked that, didn't you — that sensation of a stallion inside you as far as he can go.
I know the recording caught your muffled cry, but hearing that just isn't the whole story. She doesn't get to feel the tight clench of your sex around the edge of my sheath, the press of your hooves as you climb atop me and shove me into the cushions, your hinds' grip around my hips. She doesn't get to see your eyes roll back in your head, the intensity on your muzzle as you fight to expend yourself around me. No … don't move. If this is how we're welcoming you to Equestria, I'm going to give you a rutting you'll never forget.
Breathe. That's right. Stars, you feel amazing, but we're going to take this slow so I can show you a thing or two.
Loosen your hips. Now arch your back -- just a little -- and shift your butt out. That's it. Keep your weight on your front hooves. Now, I'm going to thrust in, nice and even …
Do you feel that? Yeah, I can see you do. A light, steady pressure on the inside of the pubic bone …
Ooooh. You should see your face. You're so lost in the moment. I can feel that fire creeping through my groin as you slide along me … I can only imagine what you're feeling. You're barely breathing. All those little whimpers you're holding back, like the dam's going to burst if you cry out …
Let it. You don't have to stop at one orgasm as a mare.
Just brace your legs, rock back and forth against me … nnnnh. Ooooh ... that long stroke is nice, but no, keep it shallow. Short and sweet, holding me all inside ...
Oh stars — your face — never mind — don't hold back — take me —
Ah! You're getting so wet — hips slamming into mine — yes! That's it! Let her hear you — oh! Oh! Stars yes feeling you come nice and hard ride it out and aaaaah! Nnnnh ...
(Breathe.)
Oh stars. Cadence is going to be so sorry she missed this.
Mmmm. I appreciate the snuggling impulse, but don't go collapsing on top of me just yet. You're still nice and slick around me, and I've got more to show you.
What? No. (Nicker.) When a stallion lets go inside you, you'll feel it. Trust me on that.
Here, just let me thrust a bit — mmm. Still feels good, doesn't it? Mmmm, and all that fresh slickness from your orgasm ... I can't wait to find out what you taste like. Once we're done recording I'm going to show you what a pony's tongue can do. Right now, though, we need to put on another show, and it won't be much fun for the mare listening in if all she gets is a bunch of moans and some muffled mrrglebrrgle from me talking into your nethers, will it?
Heh! That's exactly what I plan to do, but let's just shift position first.
I'll just slide — nnnh — I'm sorry, we'll make this quick, I'd rather be back in you myself — here. Get up and go around to the end of the couch. Now drape yourself over the arm — yeah, like that, tail in the air, hind hooves square on the floor. Don't stand on the couch cushion — rest your chest on it. I know, it feels undignified, you don't have any leverage, but just wait until we …
Oooh, you have got a fine set of flanks. Admiring them from this angle, watching your leg muscles quiver as you arch yourself toward me … looking at those firm hinds, that perfect little pucker, the flush of your labia … the way they glisten from all the juice of our union … I —
Sorry, Cadence, I can't wait to taste this one.
Mmmm.
Mmmm!
… Mrrglebrrgle!
(Laughter.) Couldn't resist. Sorry!
I hope you'll let me make it up to you by plowing my cock through you until we're both screaming, because, stars above, I want you. I've got a muzzle full of your juices, and if the scent of your need wasn't enough before, now I can't get away from it. You taste deep and rich, not quite sweet — an interesting complement to your mark — with maybe a subtle hint of strawberry.
You've spread your legs to me, showing me a hint of what wonders lie between, inviting me to slip back into your embrace. I've got a rock-hard erection that's already tasted your pleasures and is eager — here, let me show you, I'll just spread you out with my hooves and line myself up, and … ooooh.
I'm taking my time, and you're scrambling to push yourself deeper onto me. No — don't stand, that's cheating. Just let me slide in bit by bit, occasionally pulling back to spread your slickness around, so you can savor every inch …
You're beginning to realize why I stuck you in such an awkward position. The lack of leverage is a feature. You're with a stallion who has had a chance to learn mare anatomy in intimate detail. I'm going to show you some things you'd have never discovered on your own.
It's all about the angle, isn't it? You feel every tiniest motion. It's almost too much — I can see the intensity in your face. That thick cock is pressing down against your clit as it slowly works its way in, but it's sliding so slowly … teasing you … testing your limits.
You're not sure whether to ask me to stop or beg me for more. It's just so much. Every nerve is on fire. All you can do is squeeze your lips around me, which just intensifies the pressure. I stop sliding when you do. I'm not going to let you off that easy. You rock yourself up on hooftips, straining, legs trembling. Every ragged gasp of breath, every urgent whimper, is pleading for consummation.
Well … okay. Since you asked so nicely.
Are you listening, sweetie? It's about to get fun.
This is me slowly sliding that cock back out, throwing my weight on your flanks, pinning you to the couch, in total control as your lips recede up my shaft, leaving a hard and glistening length poised to … you're thrashing, begging, desperate. Listen to you. That's so hot, knowing I can make you feel this good. I want you. Listen to me, I'm married to the Princess of Love and yet there's nothing I want more than to do — this — aaahhh —
I'm — nnh — back fully inside in a single motion — drawing back and pumping — nggh — already feeling you come — closing my eyes — listening to my balls slap — aaah — fast and hard into your — nnh! — oh, yes, stars, yes — scream for her — not gonna stop — aaahh! — want you coming again when I — oh, stars, nnhhaaaAHHH —*
Haaahh.
Nguh. … (Chuckle.) I think that was worth the mess on the sofa.
Alright. Mmmm. Fun position, not so great afterward with me on trembling hinds and you still awkwardly sprawling with your butt in the air. Here, let me collapse on top of you, and — nnh — just going to — no, roll with me — there, just lift your hinds over the sofa arm — sorry about the wet spot — and shift forward with me, and … aaah. That's better. We can just spoon a bit, lying here on the sofa with your sex still holding mine inside.
Call me sappy if you must, but I love this part.
I mean, I love the sex too — I can cast a recharge spell and start thrusting again, if you want me to show you how much — but this is when the magic happens, y'know? The actual, literal magic, the same type of energy that powers the Elements.
Two ponies -- well, a pony and an interdimensional traveller in a matching body -- coming down from giving each other an intense shared joy. Focused only on each other, full of happiness and satisfaction and gratitude. Rutting's a bit of a cheap way to get there, I'll admit -- it's more satisfying to take the scenic route -- but with what little time you have, I'm grateful we get the chance at least for this.
... um ...
(Sigh.) Oh, haybales. Me and my big mouth.
Can we just cuddle a bit first? You're not going to suddenly disappear, I promise.
Really. I promise. Please? I ... no ... no, I didn't. Calm down. Can I explain?
Whatever brought you here is inherently fragile, and we don't know how to strengthen it. Believe me, we've tried. It seems to stabilize around your consciousness, though. Nine times out of ten, you're only here until you fall asleep, then you vanish — presumably waking back up in your own world. There have been a few who have stayed longer, but never longer than a week.
I agree. It's just not fair. Only one day to explore Equestria, and you lose most of that getting your bearings.
I know! But it's not the sort of thing we can ethically research. Your presence here is a gift. We can't abuse that by grabbing you and throwing you into experiments against your will —
That's very generous of you, but you don't know what you'd be missing. You haven't even seen sunset shining through the spires of Canterlot Palace. And I was going to take you to Luna's raising tonight — you have to feel the sublime burst of power rippling down your coat as the stars light up one by one and the moon soars into the sky. There's nothing else like it.
Then Cadence, of course. You think this was fun? It was just a horse d'oeuvre to her main course. Just to prove a point once, she made me physically come by doing nothing but touching my back with a wingtip —
Hm?
Of course I was serious about the magic. There's nothing stronger than love.
Oh. Huh. That is a good point.
I have to be honest. I can't promise you it would work. We've fallen asleep with visitors before, only to have them missing in the morning. But … yeah, there is a different intimacy here, isn't there? Instead of Cady and I cleaning up, rearranging, making pillow talk past you … it's just you and me, your sex still wrapped around mine, the room heavy with our scents, my breathing matching yours as I'm nestled against the warmth of your body …
We're still wired up from the coffee, of course, but a quick sleep spell could cancel that out.
Are you sure? I'd feel awful if it didn't work, but I'm willing to try it. This is about what you want, after all.
Alright. … Done. It'll take about 30 seconds to kick in.
Just in case — if you do wake back up in your world — I want to say: thank you. I feel like you're giving me a big gift here — being willing to take a chance on me being the highlight of your visit like this. I'm no alicorn, and I'm no Element of Harmony … it's a little humbling sometimes, being so close to so many ponies who matter, you know?
So, yeah … (yawn) … what I said … every visit being special … we try to make this memorable for you … but I promise this is one I'll remember.
I'm such a silly pony … never even gotcher name.
(Chuckle.) Guess't answers my question earlier.
Yr something special, y'nnow that? (yawn) Y'bettr be here inna mornin …
