Out of Control

You head to the library, outside you can hear voices you recognize but can't remember by whom. Anyway, you go inside, close the door behind you and-
Twilight looks like someone just stabbed her, she looks at you with wide eyes and gritted teeth. Is something wrong? You look around for clues: Gilda sits on a bookshelf and chuckles at you, Rarity just rolls her eyes, must be her favorite expression...Rainbow is on the second floor and then you see why they are so weird.
Applejack!
Fluttershy!
“Applejack! Fluttershy!” you spout out surprised, bou already considered the scenario of bumping into them in the back of your head, and you got one conclusion out of it.
Don't hesitate!
Although you didn't expect to meet them both at once...you stride towards them, your intention set: You will apologize so hard, they will forgive the shit out of you!
Surprisingly they don't look angry at all, rather annoyed by your presence. You stop in front of Applejack and inhale, ready to unleash your fury of apologizeness!
She bumps a hoof harshly on your chest and says ”Save ya breath pardner, Flutters 'n me are here f'Pinkie, not t'deal with your crap. And dont'cha dare run off, ah wanna have a serious talk with ya afterward!” her eyes are only half open and she looks tired, but that she means it is more than apparent.
If that wouldn't have sounded so familiar you would be very surprised, you anticipated more hostility, but maybe that comes later? You have a good feeling about this nonetheless.

For now you take care of the invitation stuff, Twilight produces a list quickly.
”Those are only a few of her friends.” she says “I'll write the rest down later. The others have to help me with the complete list, are you sure about this?” she smirks as she asks you that, then places you on a desk on the far side of the room, gives you paper and quill and you start to formulate the invitation.
That shit is real hard and you are tired as hell already, but you eventually manage to get it done. Not as good as you'd hoped, but good enough. Now you can finally work on the bulk of invitation letters.
First, second, third, …, twenty-sixth, twenty-seventh, …, thirty-forth...
You fight with staying awake, the girls have long ceased with completing the list and are discussing things regarding their pink friend.

Twilight brings you a new list.
”I consulted the others and we got a huge list, are you sure you want ALL of Pinkie's friends? It doesn't stay in Ponyville you know, she has a lot of friends in Apple Loosa, Dodge City, Cloudsdale and even a few in Baltimare, Los Pegasus and Manehatten.” she is doubting you, you can hear it!
The list is at least ten times larger than the one you are working on at at the moment, and you're only about halfway done.
God damn it Pinkie Pie, why?!
You rub your eyes and let out a yawn, you've written the letters with your head resting on the table since letter Nr. 30. Just laying down on the desk completely and falling asleep on the spot seems tempting...
”You don't look too good Anon, maybe you should lie down and take a nap?” Twilight suggests.
No way, you have work to do! “Thanks for your concern, but the letters won't write themselves. Can't you just...magically create the letters? Like...with your magic?”
Twilight tries to suppress her laughter ”Ohohoho, Anon. I know what magic must look like to you, but it doesn't work like that. You don't have to do it all by yourself though, all you have to do is ask.”
You'd really like to do it yourself, but she has a point, this would take years to accomplish on your own.

You stand up and face the group of ponies (and a griffon!). They probably expected this since you have their attention immediately and huge, not so innocent grins are plastered on the faces of most of them.
You rub your the back of your neck, this feels really uncomfortable “I need help with this guys, I can't do this all on my own, sorry.”
Applejack crosses her arms and says with closed eyes ”Ha, took a bite too big for ya to chew pardner? It's okay, jus' bring that stuff over here.”
Applejack gestures you to bring the paperwork to the big table.
”Yes...uhmmm...we'd like to help.”
Even Fluttershy...you thought they hated you for real, but maybe you just don't understand ponies? You don't look a gift horse in the mouth and bring the stuff to them, thankful for their cooperativeness. Better not try their patience with stupid questions.
Rarity takes a look at one of the letters ”Oh Anon DEAR! You really could have formulated this a little more elegant. I don't suppose you have a problem with it if I rewrite your text a little?” she makes a face you can't deny a request.
“Of course not, I'd actually like that. Already thought about asking you.”

With six times more writing power, the work is quickly done. Twilight actually DOES use her magic to write the letters, but only one by one and she constantly consoles Applejack for her bad grammar. Fluttershy is watching you all the time, but every time you look at her to read her face she averts her gaze and acts like she didn't do anything. Gilda gets almost beaten up by Rarity for her unreadable writing! And Rainbow Dash makes it a competition and writes more than twice as much as every single one of the others!

“Gilda! Not like that! No! No! No!” Rarity is in despair “An 'O' has no nooks! And don't change the size of the letters all the time!”
The griffon looks VERY annoyed “I'm trying! Stop pushing me.”
While the non-unicorn ponies use their mouths dexteriously to hold the pens, Gilda is holding hers like a knife, like she wants to stab the paper.
You can't watch this anymore “Gilda, hold the pen like this.” you show her how you hold the pen.
She looks you sharp in the eyes, then at your grip. Grudgingly she imitates your style, it doesn't help that much, but after a few letters you can notice that Rarity isn't correcting her ALL of the time anymore.

You wonder where Spike is at, bet he had a good idea about all this...all in all it's pretty fun and somehow you manage to stay awake as well. But you're at your limit.
The others noticed that also when you fall asleep face first on the table. You wake up a few moments later, shocked at your lack of self-control.
Can't sleep now!
There are letters to write!
They will think that you've let them down! That you can't even write a few letters! You grab for a pen and-
Where's the damn pen? Where's the damn table?
Then you notice that it's far too late and calm down in disappointment of yourself. It's the next morning already and you are lying in your bed. Naked. Damn...

Over the course of breakfast, Twilight tells you what happened. In short:
You fell asleep, everyone laughed at you and work was done almost immediately afterward. Twilight hovered you into bed...you don't dare to ask who put you out of your clothes, it's embarrassing enough as it is.
No time to indulge in things that don't matter anyway, there is a spa waiting for you.
Maybe getting to late for the job triggers their evil pony side.
Yeah, right...what bullshit. The Spa Ponies are enthusiastic like always, sometimes you wonder if they even can harbor negative emotions at all, but then you remind yourself of the tower and Pinkie...

You read the rest of the book, Vol. III focuses mainly on...happy...endings.
...
What the fuck?!
...
Come on, it's just a book! Just read it and weep!
You do as your brain commands. It IS actually pretty interesting.
See? I was right after all.
Okay, now shut up and let me read it.
When you're done you tell the Spa Ponies so, they are positively surprised at your fast progress and tell you that that's it for the day. Tomorrow, your first hands-on training takes place. Can't deny that you are looking forward to it.

What now? Oh, yes, there will be a huge amount of guests at the party, time to make arrangements!

Mr. & Mrs. Cake at Sugarcube Conrner are thrilled with your idea. They like Pinkie a lot, and so they will provide Cakes and Cupcakes for the party. Even though it is a huge order, they deny payment.
”For Pinkie” they say.
Heh, they're alright people. (You have no money anyway)
Next is...you have no idea, but you can't run a giant party on just Cakes and Cupcakes, that much you know. Maybe Twilight can help. Like usual.

You look for her at the library: Not here.
You look for her at the boutique: Not here.
You look for her everywhere: Not here.
The other girls are also kinda missing, which means...
To the creepiest abode it is then, Pinkie is missing. Pinkie rehab: Initiated!
Success!

Now you have some spare time, probably a good idea to talk with Redheart for further information and possible plans for growing old together. You still need to thank her properly, without her advise you still wouldn't know what to do. Just thinking about her is giving you a warm feeling, the sooner you meet her the better.
You move your ass to the hospital, the best place to start searching for her since you have no idea where she is. Nurse Tenderheart tells you where she lives, she isn't working right now.
Hell yeah! This is going to be awesome!
You run to her place, a casual house in the middle of Ponyville. This isn't worthy of her, she should live in a palace, maybe you can convince Celestia to let her move in and make her royalty!
One step at a time.
For now you stand at her door, oh god, should you really do this? What if her boyfriend opens the door half naked and smelling like sex? OH FUCK, what if she HAS a boyfriend?! Or what if you propose to her and she declines?! Because you are not a pony!
Stop it!
Stop!
Staaahhp!
Stop talking yourself into bullshit that you can't possibly know! Just knock already you chicken! Oh fuck it, what are you afraid of huh? Move your knuckles against this fucking door already!
”What are you doing Anon?” Nurse Redheart? You hear her voice, where is-
You look around almost in panic.
”Up here Anon, I'm up here.” she looks out of a window from the second floor ”You look like something is troubling you, why don't you come in?”
She vanishes inside.
Damn, was she watching you? She saw you freaking out! It's over man, Game Over. What if she is going to make fun of you?
Okay, enough is enough! If you keep this crap up, I'm going to tell Penis to go away, permanently! Then you can be certain that Redheart doesn't want you!
Okay Okay, no need to bring out the big guns...stupid brain.
What was that?!
Nothing.

You can't continue to argue with yourself, Redheart opens the door and gestures you to come in. She isn't wearing her nurse's hat and her hair falls freely over her shoulders. She looks fabulous.
”Come in already, what are you waiting for?”
“Oh, yeah, I was just uh...thinking.”
You enter, it looks bright and clean, actually, it IS. Unlike Pinkies place.
That's right, Pinkie! “I wanted to thank you for your help the other day.”
She sits down on her couch and pats the place next to her and you sit down.
Redheart's brows furrow in confusion ”What exactly do you mean?”
“Uh, when you waited for me outside of Pinkie's house and gave me some tips on how to deal with her depression.”
She looks even more confused ”When was that?”
Is she teasing you?
“Two days ago, around noon I think. You told me that you had to be at the hospital actually and hurried off afterward.”
She clenches her eyes shut tight in thought, then tells you ”No...I was at the hospital all day and didn't leave for a second, are you really sure it was me? Maybe it was a pony that just looked similar? Or somepony played a prank?”
No way, that was her! “You even reminded me of my medication, I'm absolutely sure.”
Damn it, you wanted to get a little flirty with her, but this has taken an entirely different course.
”Maybe there was...“ your favorite nurse leans back and thinks heavily for quite some time.
“Redheart?”
”Hmm, I'll have to talk to Twilight later...” she says to herself “Don't worry about it and please don't mention this to anypony else. It could lead to misunderstandings. Is there something else I can help you with?”
Bet she thinks you're crazy now, you feel stupid, was that just your imagination? They DID fuck with your mind...you want to run away and hide.
“I only wanted to talk with you about Pinkie Pie, but now...“ you are a terrible liar, invite her to dinner or something!
”What is going with Pinkie, she didn't try anything stupid again did she?!”
You shake your head “No, I think we can help her...”

And so you are stuck with telling her your plan, you are getting better at that every time you have to do it. Or maybe it's because she works in a hospital and treated Pinkie before.
You also tell her about your mutual meeting in front of Pinkie's in detail and that this was the trigger that started your plan. Anyway she quickly grasps your concept and approves.
”That could actually work Anon, I'll mention this to Dr. Whooves, maybe he has some useful advice.”
“Uh, okay. Thanks...I'll...take my leave then...“
At this point you don't know what to say anymore, the mood is serious and doesn't leave much space for other stuff. Before it goes completely awkward you just leave.
”Anon? Something troubles you, you've been so stiffened up the entire time now. What's on your mind?” she catches you before you have left.
Damn, almost made it to the door, you don't want to tell her, she'll only push you away.
Wait, you don't HAVE to tell her! “Can we talk about it later? It's kind of...”
”Complicated?”
You nod sheepishly.
”Well okay then, see you later Anon.”
You wave her goodbye and leave for real this time. That felt like a huge defeat and was less constructive than you had hoped...in terms of romance at least.
The only thing you got out of this is the doubt on your own sanity, Well, they DID fuck with your mind before. Twilight did, to be precise.
Okay, stop thinking about that for now, divert attention!

Walking around town aimlessly is the only thing you can bring yourself to now...your crush must think you're nuts.
Fuck!
You enter the town square and sit down on a bench near the well. From here you can see the Day Spa with it's distinctive two pointed and very girlish looking roof, can't believe you're going to work THERE. Next to the spa is a building with hair on top of it, why didn't you notice that freak of a building before? It's probably a barber shop, or they sell wigs or something like...that or both. Hell like you care.
The Town Hall where the party will take place stands majestic in the middle of the town square, ow that you look at it, and think about the huge number of guests that will come...
The party will probably expand over the entire town square and beyond. This is going to take a bit of work. On the far side of the Town Hall you can see parts of the Market Place, stalls are strewn all over the place.

A few moments later you are walking through the market, they really have a lot of food here. Apparently flowers are not only for decoration for ponies...
You walk by a stall that sells fruits for insane prices, but otherwise there is nothing interesting here.
It's not like you expected that anyway. After some time you exit the market place and stroll around town, you come to a place you haven't been before.

Something feels uncomfortable. The few ponies in the area leave casually. No one in sight. A feeling of vulnerability overtakes you, like someone is watching you. You look around, then you spot her.
Gilda is watching you from a huge aerie, with a roof and all. She looks relaxed, but her eyes are never leaving you, it creeps you out...
Maybe if you act like you didn't spot her you can just walk away, it's not like you have to talk with her.
No way, that would be super rude! Ignoring her because of a bad feeling, you are not an asshole!
Her eyes never leave you as you walk towards her nest thing. It doesn't look like you could get in there without wings.
“Hey Gilda, everything's alright?” you wave up to her, but she only watches silently.
“Is this where you live? It looks...uh...cool.”
Her aerie is built on top of another house, replacing the attic completely. It doesn't seem like she is living there, but what do you know?
As you walk closer she has to shuffle herself to the edge of her nest to keep a watch on you. Why is she doing that?
Creeped out level: Maximum.
“Gilda?” you ask, why is she not answering?
She narrows her eyes and a sly grin forms on her face, just barely visible.
Alright, two can play this game! You turn around and shrug, walking away all the while. You can hear her stir audibly in her nest. Time to tease her for a change!
“I thought you were a-”
SWOOSH

You spin around and look for what she is doing as you hear a low gust of air. With a single flap of her wings she catapults herself from her aerie and right in front of you.
She doesn't furl her wings completely, It actually looks like she is throwing a pose for you. Either way she wants to intimidate you or...you can't really think of anything else. In any case, you will stand up to her, you prepare yourself for anything!
Looking her straight into her golden eyes, she starts stalking you. What were you about to say? Doesn't matter anymore. The griffon is now circling you, looking for weak spots in your defense. You only follow her movement with your head so she will find a lot. The last time she did that, you ended up as a bloody heap of barely breathing flesh....
“Whatever you are going to do, I don't think this is the right place.”
”Of course not Anonymous.” the fact that she used your name for the first time is unnerving, what is she up to?!

You can't think much further though, as you turn your head to the other side, trying to follow her movement, she pushes you from your blind spot into an alleyway. Only one question strikes your mind: Is she going to beat you up? If so you are fucked!
“Gilda stop, don't do something you will reg-Oofh”
She pushes you up against a wall harshly and pins you there with her talons. One of them holds down your arm, the other one is placed over your mouth, holding your head in place harshly. Her huge wings block out the outside world mostly as she unfurls them entirely.
Her expression looks threatening, her brows furrowed and that grin would make a lesser man cry.
It feels like you are back at the tower. Helpless and at her mercy, no one is coming to help you, passerby will only see a ball of wings. You are terrified and try to struggle but her grip is too strong and she pushes all of her weight against you.
Slowly her head comes closer to yours, she doesn't even have to put much of an effort into keeping you where she wants. Then her head rests next to yours, she bends your head to the side painfully and you can feel her breath on your neck.
What is she up to?!

Your protests are muffled my her talon. A moment later you can feel the outline of her beak on the base of your neck, her tongue rolls over your skin and even tickles a bit. You pray that this is just a weird kiss but your hopes are shattered when she bites down, hard.
You tense all the muscles you can, but her beak is sharp like a knife and easily cuts into your flesh, blood flows freely out of the fresh wound. It burns and hurts, you want to hit her with your free hand, push her off! But then fear overcomes you, it didn't work at the tower, it won't work now. The hooked tip of her beak buries deep into your flesh, then she stops.
Your heart is beating at an painful rate as Gilda retracts her beak.
She could have easily ripped out a chunk of flesh if she wanted, and you become even more confused as she start to lap up the blood that surges out of you.
Are you just a snack for her?!

Your body fails you in any attempt to escape, you can only endure her treatment. It goes on for what feels like an eternity, the wound eventually ceases bleeding. Gilda looks into your eyes but you look down, not wanting to provoke her any further with a stupid stare.
She lets out a joyful laugh and releases you after a few minutes of this, you slide down the wall and sit on your ass as Gilda leaves the alley.
What the hell was that all about? She is a dangerous one, that's for sure.
Your wound burns, you should go see a doctor...but they will ask questions. If you rat that griffon out, either way nobody will believe you or...
You don't dare to even think this thought to the end.

You keep an eye to the sky as you walk back to Twilight's place, only Spike is there
“Hey man, Twilight told me that you wrote a bunch of letters yesterday.” the little dragon raises an eyebrow “Why didn't you use the press at the school?”
…
You suppress the urge to slap him, yourself and everyone else.
The wounds are treated more or less properly and you try to relax for a bit, but a scar will stay behind for sure. In the future you will avoid that part of Ponyville. Maybe you kind of...trespassed into her territory? You can only guess what drives this griffon, but that seems unlikely.
Twilight eventually comes back, very exhausted.
“Twilight, what happened?” you ask her.
She drops her saddlebag and places herself with a deep sigh on her couch
”Urgh, you don't want to know.” she says tired.
Spike hands you a glass of water “Give her this.” he whispers.
You hand her the cool liquid and she gulps it down thankfully.
You take a wild guess “Pinkie Pie?”
”Yes.” she spurts out when the glass is empty “Just give me a moment please. And another glass please, she may be different when depressed, but she has just as much energy.”
As you bring her another drink the door springs open, Applejack walks in
”Hey Twilight! Is Anon-” she spots you ”Aha! Jus' who ah was lookin' for!”
Suddenly the tan mare whips out a lasso and throws it around your waist.
”You don' mind do ya Twilight?”
Purple smart answers with a lazy groan, Applejack takes that as a yes and pulls you outside.

”So...” she gestures you to follow and you both start walking ”...yer can't remember a thing, 'at right?”
You just nod.
”Twilight told me all about it, but ah wanted t'be sure!”
She stops, takes your head between her hooves and looks you dead in the eyes ”Answer me, an' answer me honestly or ah can't guarantee for what ah'm goin' t'do to yer else!” her expression is grim and you can feel that she means it. She even leans her weight on you.
”You cannot, absolutely not remember a damn thing before Twilight bucked with yer mind?!” Applejack's eyes narrow and she frowns a little, but you have nothing to hide from her.
“I swear, I can't remember. Even though I still have nightmares, I feel bad about myself and I think just because I can't remember, doesn't render me an innocent soul!”, you explain stern.
She looks at you for a while, like she is reading a book. Eventually she releases you.
”Hmpfh, looks like ye're tellin' the truth. Ahm sorry, but ah still had mah doubts.”
She just walks off after saying that, but you follow her. Maybe you can talk to her for a bit and show her there is nothing to be worried about?
You pick up the conversation “You had all rights to distrust me, I'm the one who should be apologizing.”
She looks into the distance ”Ah dunno, a lot has happened and it hurds like hay t'see Pinky still stuck up in all that.”
“We'll get her out of that pinch, it will just take some time and effort. By the way, what happened today? I was at her house but she was gone.”
The tan mare smiles as she recollects the day in her mind.
She makes various expressions before suddenly breaking the short silence ”Yeeehaaw! That was great, we gathered up an' took Pinky out for an fairground that's curr'ntly in Apple Loosa!”

She tells you all about what happened, Pinky of course didn't want to come along at first, but once they dragged her there and she rode the first huge rollercoaster she enjoyed herself quite a bit. She wasn't her old self by far, but she made the first step towards that. By the time Applejack is done explaining all the delicious apple treats she tasted you both arrive at Sweet Apple Acres.
”Hey Anon” she turns around as she is about to leave you behind on the fringes of the Apple property “Yer wanted t'help us for your...retrition something right? Ah have just the right thing yer could help me with, int'rested?”
You nod like you never did before “Of course!”
”Well then, follow me.” she almost sings that.
Applejack gestures you to follow and you walk past the main house, a red barn with a huge stallion in front of the entrance comes into view.
Applejack introduces you ”Anon, this is ma big brother Big McIntosh, Big Mac, that's Anonymous. He agreed ta help me with ta apple sortin'.”
You extend a hand and somehow he grabs it and shakes it like a madman.
“Hello Big Mac.” then you turn to Applejack and whisper “We already met.”
She just gives you an satisfied “All the better.” and vanishes in the barn.
Big McIntosh finally releases you from the forceful handshake with an ”Eeeyup.” just as Applejack calls for you from inside the barn, you make a mental note to never get on the bad side of the big red one.
When Applejack could kill you with a single buck, you don't want to know what this mountain of a stallion can do to you.

You enter the barn.
Apples.
Apples everywhere.
”Alright sugarcube, we have t'sort out all the bad apples. Applebuck season is over now an' this is the las' batch o' apples, behind the barn are more so we better get startin'.”
You get to it immediately. The good ones into the barrels, the bad ones into a tub, they will later be used to fertilize the ground you are told.
Applejack proves to be enjoyable company as you chat about this and that, every time a barrel full of good apples is filled you carry it into the cellar of the apples residence.
The cellar is huge, with thick walls of cold stone and many rooms. It reminds you of a labyrinth, only that this is way too small to get lost. After Applejack and you are halfway done, an elderly mare, called Granny Smith, calls for Applejack, which in turn invites you to eat with the Apple Family.
Happy that she doesn't treat you like you deserve, you accept.

There are numerous members of the Apple Family present to which you get introduced, Some of them you already met, some others not so much.
All of you are seated at a big table outside, you feel like a complete outsider. Not only are you a completely different species which alone makes you stand out, but they are all family, making you feel isolated.
Applejack notices your discomfort, she brings up one of her many relatives called Apple Fritter and literally pushes her into you. After an awkward first greeting and a brief awkward silence you start a conversation. Turns out she is VERY talkative, dominating the conversation without mercy.
Applejack...she knew what she just did, Apple Fritter bombards you with whatever comes into her mind, topics you couldn't even think about talking about.
You glare over to Applejack and she gives you the innocent act, intentionally bad.
At least you don't look like a lone idiot anymore thanks to her and luckily the food comes shortly after.
It's a feast!
Until now, you never knew how many different dishes one could make out of apples, it's astounding. A huge amount of food is presented before you. Apple Fritter wastes no time and fills your plate with a little of everything, wanting you to taste it all.
Your plate has never been this full, there is just so much! And after just a few bites you are sure, this is heaven.
You dig in like an animal, this time you don't stand out at all. Most of the others don't really care for proper manners either. It's just so delicious!
Every time your plate becomes close to empty, Apple Fritter finds something new for you. And it doesn't stop. After an considerable amount of time you are full, and there is one thing now that you are sure about, there is no doubt: This family may be full of apple fetishists, but they know their handiwork to perfection.
Damn you even consider marrying Apple Fritter, just to get to participate in these food orgies once more. Though you had to surgically remove your eardrums then, she doesn't even really stop talking while eating.

After the food orgy is over Apple Fritter gives you a tight hug and takes her leave, Applejack sits herself next to you. Your eyes wander over the table.
It's a battlefield.
No one was spared.
Especially not the apples.
Applejack gives you a smug grin and you give her a piece of your mind “Applejack...that was...the best.”
You are so full, it feels like you're about to burst. There was just too much delicious.
”I'll pass yer praise to the ones...responsible pardner.”
Sounds like Applejack was also a major victim of this battle.
”Ya know, if yer want...ah can sord the rest of the apples on mah own...you can go back to-”
You move a hand in Applejacks direction without looking, gesturing her to shut up “Oh don't you even finish that sentence Applejack...there is no way I could abandon you...now...uuuhh. But maybe...we should-”
”Take a little nap...before goin' on?” she completes your sentence.
She is not only a lie detector, but also a mind reader now.
“Ya.” is all you can say.
She stands up ”Okay, follow me...if yer dare t'walk. Ah know just the spot for a nice little nap.”

You really did eat way too much, but you regret nothing. Applejack leads you to a hill on the farm with a single apple tree on top of it. Both of you lie against the trunk and enjoy the view, the entire Sweet Apple Acres are visible from here.
There are not only Apple trees, but also a few gardens for other fruits and vegetables. The entire Ponyville settlement is laid out before you. It's almost...romantic. If there would be a golden-orange sunset at the horizon, it would be for sure.
”Ya know Anon, ya really arn't that bad of a fella. Maybe when we get Pinky back to her senses, we can throw a little welcoming party just for yer.”
Party...
Party!!!
“Now that you're talking about a party, can you give me some tips on how to throw the party for Pinky. Until now I only have the location and the support of the Cakes, I mean I can't throw the party with just a few Cakes. Especially not such a big one.”
Applejack nods in agreement ”Ah know what yer mean, there are hundreds of guests invited. Ah'm sure ah can donate some Apple Cider, Pinkie jus' loves that stuff.”
“Apple Cider? That would be great Applejack, thanks a lot, but I fear I don't have much money right now.”
”Yer need t'listen t'what ah say sugarcube, ah said donate, not sell. Ah know that ye're outta money. But yer can help makin' it. Jus' come by whenever yer have some time an' we can get to it.”
Applejack elicits a long yawn, she drops her stetson over her face and soon starts snoring. You guess a little shut eye can't hurt and follow her example.

A dreamless nap envelops you, but you wake up with a bad feeling.Damn that's starting to get bothersome.
The sun didn't wander that far, Applejack decided at some point that your stomach is more comfortable than the tree and her head heaves with every breath of yours.
You don't wake her, she is way too cute for that right now. With her snoring, her wide open mouth and drool...
Her stetson lies at her side, not covering her from the sun, she will wake up in due time you guess. You place a hand on her belly, she feels soft to the touch and warm, her silky coat feels fantastic.
Her belly just HAS to be rubbed right now. Moving your fingers slightly, you move your hand in a small circular motion, gently giving her what she deserves for being adorable.
Applejack lets out a pleased sigh, damn, if she continues being like that...
Your attention is drawn to her freckles as you give her a gentle belly rub.
God those freckles.
You love freckles.
Freckles freckles freckles.
Okay, that's enough freckles for now. Her cutie mark is next, but you can't see it perfectly from this angle. You reach down and lift her flank a little.
There it is.
Three red apples. Heh, fitting.
A slight movement catches your eye, you look at her face.
!!!
Her eyes are wide open and she is staring at you with the blankest expression possible, except for a slight blush.
You look at your hand...on her flank, your fingertips go around the roundings of her cheeks to what you assume are private body parts.
Now you look back to her.
Now back to your hand.
“I-I-I'msosorryIjustwantedtotakealookatyourcutiemarkandI...”
You take your hand away from her ass, oh shit, what have you done!?
She gives you a chance to help her, she invites you to a feast you don't deserve. And then you fondle her in her sleep!?
Greeeeeeeaaaat, you fucked up big time. You look away, ashamed of yourself and your stupidity.
“Sorry, I wasn't thinking and...”
Applejack stands up, still expressionless. She thinks for a moment, then speaks ”Ah'll forgive yer...if ah can see yers.”
What? She knows you have none! “But I have no cutie mark.”
The tan mare picks up her stetson and places it where it belongs ”Show.” she demands, arms crossed.
You just hope that you didn't ruin all your efforts. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
“Are you sure?”
She taps her hoof on the ground with impatience, looks like she isn't in the mood for bargaining.
“Okay, if you insist. But don't change your mind if you are disappointed.”

You stand up and turn your back to her. If you were a girl this would be super embarrassing to the sun and beyond. The buttons are opened quickly and your pants slide down little, exposing your butt cheeks only.
Then she comes closer and inspects...okay, it IS super embarrassing!
”Hmmm...what in tarnation...ah can't see with yer pants in the way!”
She grabs them at knee height and gives a strong pull, you weren't expecting that and she gets down completely.
“Applejack! What the hell are you doing?!”
She looks determined, like she wants to win a race. YOU just want to pull your pants back up, but bending down would expose you in a way that's out of the question.
You can just cover your junk.
”Ah never understood why the hay ye're wearing clothes all the time anyway. Now turn that way, maybe ah can see it in the sunlight.”
This is so embarrassing, why is she doing that? Oh yeah, you fondled her in her sleep douchebag!
She grabs you by the hips and turns your ass towards the sun and mumbles ”Hmmm, still nothing. Maybe if ah rub a little.”
She places her hooves on your cheeks and starts rubbing wildly, it takes you by surprise.
You have to stop this “Argh! Applejack! Enough already!”
Turning to your side so you don't press your asshole in her face, you pull up your pants, putting a few steps between the two of you while working on the buttons.
“Applejack! That was not okay!”
She tries to suppress a face splitting grin, then twists her eyes at the sky in an innocent act.
”Uh, well...ah...ah...uh...ah was just examining...uh...maybe it would have appeared when yer...uh get rubbed a little! Yep! A getting rubbed...uh...cutie mark!”
Is she serious?!

You just look at her, now she's drawing circles in the dirt.
“Your element betrays you Applejack...but I'll let it slide, since it was my fault to begin with.” you say, hoping that this topic will be forgotten quickly.
”Uh...yeah!...ah mean...sorry!”
She is obviously not sorry, but whatever, you shake your head and gesture her to follow.
“Okay, let's just don't talk about it again. Come on, there are still apples waiting for us.”
Together you walk back to the barn, Applejack still sports a light blush. Oh god, what have you started?! Hopefully she'll just forget all about it.
Just as you're about to enter the barn she says ”Yer know what? Ah'll go get us some reinforcements.”
Obviously embarrassed about what happened, she dashes to the house. Meanwhile you walk into the barn, after five minutes of lone apple sorting, Applejack comes back with Applebloom in tow. Together you get to work.
That was a smart move of Applejack, because the awkwardness between the two of you has reached untouched heights. Applebloom seems to be oblivious to that fact and talks nonstop. At some point you ask her if she had something to do with the painting incident at the Ponyville Schoolhouse.
You saw her.
After a short moment of silence and an priceless expression on her side, the ice finally breaks and you and Applejack share a hearty laugh at her cost. There is no one that doesn't know about that incident.
It feels like everything is back in order between Applejack and you and the work almost finishes on its own.
Applejack sees you off at the fence of the Apple Family property and soon you're on your way back to Ponyville.

You still wanted to visit Pinkie, but maybe you should give her some room.
You are just lazy!
Shut up.
Twilight is at the library and you tell her about what happened. Except that fondling stuff. No one needs to know about that, ever.
Twilight tells you about her experience with the Apple Family Food Orgies™.
You fall asleep soon after Twilight's gibberish. Again you are troubled by nightmares. And you feel that the next morning. Every muscle in your body aches.
Twilight thinks otherwise ”You know, yesterday you worked hard for the first time in a few months. Remember? You were hospitalized for quite some time.”
Makes sense.
Twilight is smart pony!
“Twilight, you're a genius.”you say nonchalantly
She looks at you, grinning sheepishly, maybe she knows something about Gilda's behavior?
But don't give her any ideas!
“Do you, by any chance, know what it means, if a griffon bites you?”
Twilight has a answer for everything “Well, obviously you made the griffon angry then.”
“Very funny Twilight, no. I mean a not angry bite, with weird behavior afterward and stuff.”
She momentarily raises an eyebrow and broods, eyeballing you seriously ”Gilda has bitten you!?” what?! How can she see through you in an instant?!
“No! I mean...maybe?”
She narrows her eyes and tilts her head a little ”Where did she bite you? Did it leave a mark? What did she do afterward?”
This is getting uncomfortable, and it's so early in the morning. You don't want them to know that Gilda has bitten you before you are sure it's safe.
“Can we talk about it later? I think I have to go to the spa now and...uh...massage some ponies...and...stuff.”
She turns back to her book ”Fine, but you better not come back and blame me if something bad happens later.” she sounds irritated.
“Okay Twilight the wise, we'll talk later.”

With a final smirk of hers you wave her goodbye and finally make your way to the spa. Always an eye to the skies. Never know what griffon comes swooping down on you.
But no assaults were made that day.
At the spa is a pleasant surprise waiting for you. Lotus Blossom and Aloe (still don't know which one is which) want to give you a massage first! In order to show you how it's done properly of course.
Perfect timing after your hard work yesterday!
The massage turns out to be heavenly, they both work on you at the same time, kneading out the knots in your muscles efficiently. All the while they explain how to and why and give tips.
After it is over you feel refreshed and better than you ever did before.
”And now it's your turn.”
”We have asked a pony that appreciates a good massage.”
”She should come any moment now.”
Who might that mystery pony be? Until she comes the Spa Ponies give you further tips and instruction on how to massage, then she finally makes her entrance.
It is!
“Rarity!” of course.
”Ah! Hello Anon, when I heard you were going to have your first massage session, I volunteered to be your first subject of course. If you will be working here, it is better to help you become a proper masseur from the start. AND I can teach you my preferences properly while we are at it.”
She smiles and walks towards one of the massaging tables, stops in front of one and looks expectantly at you.
She is a lady dumbass!
You hurry to her and help her on the table, it's more a gesture really.
”Ah! I just knew there is a gentleman inside you Anon, now lets work on your technique. And be gentle, you don't want to hurt me? Now do you?”
She blinks at you rapidly. Something doesn't feel right, but you get to it anyway.
Rarity audibly enjoys it, telling you how to do it better when you make a mistake or neglect her favorite spots. Aloe and Lotus Blossom aren't even needed and leave the two of you alone. Rarity is a pro at this!
”Anon, can it be that you have forgotten your medicine again?”
Whaaaaat?
How does Rarity know about your medication? Wait! She's right!
“Yeah, sorry. But how do you know about my medication?”
”Ah, ah, ah! Anon, please take this seriously. You could get a serious heart disease! Not good for your health!” she scolds you.
She just ignores your question and berates you a little more. Probably unimportant anyway, by the time your last doubts are gone she has berated you into submission.
“Alright, you ARE right. I'll go get it right after I'm done here.”
”Good, I'll keep an eye on you. Don't want to make any 'fatal' mistakes, now do you?”
You massage her until she calls it quits, she murmurs something about someone already coming, then she leaves hastily without a second word.
You run to the door after her, to at least say a goodbye but she is nowhere to be seen.
What the hell?! Did she cast an invisibility spell?
She IS a unicorn after all. Whatever. You will probably never understand ponies.

You go back inside and tidy up a little, then Rarity comes back.
She walks nonchalantly up to you ”Hello Anon, when I heard you were going to have your first massage session, I volunteered to be your first subject of course. If you will be working here, it is better to help you become a proper masseur from the start. AND I can teach you my preferences properly while we are at it.”
W-What?
Is Rarity making fun of you?! Or is your mind playing tricks on you again?!
...
You decide to say nothing for now. It is bad enough that you are apparently insane, there is no need for every one to know about it. At least you know what to do with her now! Ha!
This time though, Rarity is wearing a luxurious bathrobe with an artfully 'R' sewn onto each flank. When she stops in front of the massaging table you undress her and help her up.
”I just knew there is a gentlemen inside you Anon, now lets work on your technique. And be gentle, you don't want to hurt me?”
This is ridiculous and hilarious at the same time. Maybe it's a secret super power! Yeah! Awesome Delusion Man to the rescue! Or to the massage in this case.
This time tough, Rarity gives you different instructions on what she likes! Maybe you have to train your powers some more...well, no one is born a master. While the first Rarity was more fixated on her side and belly, this Rarity likes it more on her lower back and haunches.
Applejack was quite delicate when you touched her there. Oh stop! You wanted to forget that!

You just nope everything weird out, it doesn't even make sense.
You suppress any thoughts about what just happened and idly chat with Rarity about this and that. She comes up with an idea for the party:
“Games! And costumes!” she almost shouts.
You thank her for her tips, but she apparently had some ulterior motives since she is a fashion designer. She says that she will take care of the costume part...suspicious...
Anyway, she has a point, you will give it some thought.
After some time the Spa Ponies check up on you and Rarity, some final advice is given and the session is over.
The marshmallow pony seems disappointed that it was too brief but the Spa Ponies console her about her always wanting more.
You shrug it off and go your ways, but can't shake the feeling that you forgot something. Wasn't that important anyway probably, it's time to check up on Pinkie!
The weather is becoming colder.
After a griffon free walk through Ponyville you arrive. The Pinkie house is open like always.

You step inside, maybe you can get Pinkies permission to do a little cleaning here and there. Someone is talking upstairs, and it's a well known accent.
”...so there'll be plenty of Apple Cider for yer t'drink Pinky.”
Did Applejack just...
You hurry upstairs and barge into Pinkies room, Applejack and Pinkamena are sitting on the bed.
You poke your head into the room, narrow your eyes and tilt your head “Applejack...did you just reveal something to Pinkie that wasn't supposed to be revealed?”
Pinkamena chuckles, Applejack looks uncomfortable and scratches the back of her head ”Yer know sugarcube...we all kinda let it slip yesterday.”
You facepalm and just leave wordless, your grand plan lies in ruins!
You exit the house and Applejack runs after you ”Ah know what yer thinking, but she'll come. It's not like she can keep away from that huge a pardy, no matter what state she's in. We also had some bad experience with surprise parties for her before...”
Maybe not everything is lost “Maybe, I don't know.”
”Look pardner, Pinky is in a good mood right now. Maybe yer can talk ta her a bit, she'll listen, ah'm sure.”
Applejack pushes you back inside the house with ease ”An' don't come back out until yer two made up, is'at clear loverboy?!” she jokes, but you feel the sudden urge to salute.
“Yes ma'am!”
She shuts the door and you make your way back to Pinkie, Pinkamena is lying on her bed in a 'Draw me like one of your french girls' style, eyeing you lazily.
“May I come in?” you ask in the treshold.
She gives no answer, so you just enter quitely.
“Pinky, look. Whatever I did, I'm sorry, and I was wrong, and-”
”Give me a massage!”
Uh...what? “Huh?”
She rolls on her stomach ”Rarity told me that you massage ponies, do me!”
This is a one-in-a-lifetime opportunity!
“Okay, as you wish.”
You place yourself above her on the bed, her feet between your knees. The bed is really soft and you sink deep, this bed is incredible huge by the way, there is space for like...ten Pinkies.
You get to work, she is really tense, even a complete beginner like you can feel that she sure could use a massage. She is like a tutorial for massaging, you can use almost every technique on every muscle you read about, and you neglect not a single one.
You take your time, Pinkamena enjoys it greatly but tries to hide it behind her grumpiness. When her back is done you roll her over, her eyes are closed and she grins deliriously for a second before she notices that she is busted!
Time for some mad belly rub techniques!
Her squeals of joy could be heard all throughout Ponyville that day.
Today, you made progress.