Forming relations

by InsectivoreInc

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, Changelings, Original Character, Science Fiction, Adventure
Length: 8534

An antisocial human named Dax unwillingly moves to Equstria to increase the relations between his home country. Hilarity ensues.

Over a thousand years after the human race nearly killed itself and was saved by Princess Celestia, it runs a risk of doing so again. Not from any war, no nothing that simple, but from a problem so... well problematic... that even the Princesses have nothing they can do to help.

The human race has no friends.

It is now in the hands of the rulers grandson to be an ambassador of sorts to the only country that will not have him burned at the stake. Equestria.

The problem? He isn't a social sort. At all.

Published 2013-01-30 04:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-19 18:25:35 UTC

The Romance of a New Land

-50 years before Luna's imprisonment, Canterlot-

“Are you positive this will work safely?” a unicorn asked for the one hundredth time. Celestia sighed to herself; the problem with that question was not the frequency it was asked, but rather the fact she had to lie to keep her little ponies from backing out.

“Yes, I have taken every possible precaution. No unicorn in this room is in the least amount of danger,” this was a half lie. There was a good chance the spell would backfire and kill the caster, namely her. But none of the unicorns in the room were in the least amount of danger, they simply helped with the energy source and the theoretical aspects of the spell. Not even Luna was participating in this joyous day, though she had been holed up in her room a lot lately. Today, Celestia and twelve other unicorns would attempt the unthinkable, if not impossible...

To see into another universe.

The study hours that had been put into this were high enough to equal a lifetime. Some ponies had gone weeks without sleep. Today was the make or break. Celestia stood at her tallest in the center of the room as the other wizards mechanically took position around her, as they had practiced thousands of times before. A slow thrum filled the room. It was neither quiet nor soft; neither high nor low, simply filling the room with its complex and unnerving sounds. She felt the energy flow into her, empowering her. She knew exactly how to do this spell. She had rehearsed it and trained for it. She had no need to fear, and she felt even more powerful.

The portal began to open. It was small. Not even a mouse could crawl through it. Celestia began prying it open with her mind. She closed her eyes in concentration. The portal got larger and the view into the universe became more clear. Celestia relented her magic, keeping the portal open rather than making it bigger.

“Well, fillies and gentlecolts, we've done it.” Celestia said as she opened her eyes.

War.

War everywhere. The portal was giving a clean image of spilled blood and merciless slaughter. Large bipedal creatures were across the portal and were killing each other by the dozens with strange staffs. They stepped over their own kinds bodies as if they were dirt. Men, women, and seemingly children were fighting in the battlefield. Cold. Merciless. Dead. Each one.

Sounds of disgust left everyponies mouth at this view. Celestia felt horror creeping up her spine at the sheer death toll. There was a chorus of voices telling her to close the portal, and she felt like doing so had something not caught her eye, one of the creatures seemed to be dragging a larger one away from the fight. A few changes to the spell allowed Celestia to hear what was being said.

“...and you know what happens then? You die for nothing! So please, just for the love of god stay with me,” the smaller one said. Celestia felt a spark of hope kindle.

“Face it, friend. I am dead. Living off of nothing but lead,” he spoke with a strange accent, “Just do me a favor, slit my throat and run away from this war.” The smaller one seemed appalled at this.

“I couldn't do that to you Jack. You got family back home in Moscow, right?”

“What's the chance that they aren't dead from a bombing yet? I don't even know which country is fighting which Brandon. When this battle started, our countries were allies. That was close to five years ago. We have had no contact with our base in that time...”

“Details, Jack! Take off your tin foil hat and stand up! We're getting off this crazed battlefield,” Celestia had heard enough. She knew what had to be done. She drew power once more from the worried ponies around her and cast a spell. A spell that, to the surprise of almost everyone present, brought two bipedal creatures into the room.

-roughly 1050 years later, in a country called Humania-

“...and that's how Humania was born! After that day, Celestia began grabbing human families that were not participating in worsening the all out war to the best of her ability. She was able to save about fifty thousand people total. She helped us set up the country you see around you every day. And that's how Humania was born!” My grandfather finished with a flourish. I had heard this story twenty times, but donned fake enthusiasm to keep my grandfather happy.

“I still don't see why you think I should go to Equestria,” I tried my hardest to keep the malice from my voice. I really hated meeting knew people...err, ponies...and now I had to move to a place I had never been to. Oh how it amuses me so.

“Well,” my grandfather began, “Humania owes a lot to Equestria, but most ponies have only ever heard of humans or human technology. I wouldn't be surprised if some didn't even know that humans exist. I'm sending you in as an ambassador of sorts. This is entirely unofficial, as my advisers said that using too many actual resources to send a trained ambassador to live permanently in a backwash town called Ponyville miles away from any other diplomat would be a sure fire way to get myself kicked out of office,” now would be a good time to explain my grandfathers importance. He was the current leader of Humania, the King President. The King President was elected into power by a majority vote every two years. They were given the most power of any single man and could run as many times as they wanted, so long as they got common vote. My grandad was in the middle of his tenth term.

“Yes, you told me that already. My question remains though. Why me specifically?” I all but shout. He looks hurt for a second and I briefly feel remorse.

“I thought it would be good for you, Dax. You never get out of your workspace and you don't talk to your own parents about yourself. You're twenty one now so as your grandfather I can't make you go, but as the leader of your country I can!” My grandfather towered over me. I was a little tall by human standards at about six feet but my grandfather was a eight and a half foot tall giant.

“You have a day to pack. Celestia will be over tomorrow at six in the morning to introduce her sister Luna. When they leave, you're going with them,” he thought for a second, “you can bring that changeling friend of yours. She owes this family,” he began walking away.

“She has a name, you know,” I called after him, “it's Pestilentia!”

-5 minutes later; Dax's and Pestilentia's house-

I hate social interactions. As a child, the only friend I had was Pest. This led to other kids mocking me for being a “bug lover” and getting bullied. Pest didn't know, and I'm glad. She already feels indebted for my family taking her in when she was seven and living in the streets. She had been the only social interaction I had ever had and probably would ever need. Why couldn't I be left to my research? I would be much happier out in an urban jungle somewhere than an out of date pony country town called...

“What was the town called again?” I asked myself out loud.

“I don't know, what town?” I looked up to the dangerously set up hammock in the ceiling to see none other than Pestilentia herself. Like all changelings, she stood about a meter tall, had insect like wings, and had holes in her legs, as if they were decomposing. She regularly cleaned her black chitin so it seemingly sparkled.

“Hey Pest. I'm getting relocated to some town in Equestria. Want to tag along?” The question was mostly rhetorical. Pest would never let me go without her and I wouldn't leave without her.

“I don't know, I was thinking of starring in a porno...are you kidding? Tartarus yes! Any restrictions on how much we can pack up?” I would never understand her enthusiasm. For every aspect I was introverted and melancholy, she was extroverted and sanguine. We were odd friends, but she always gave me a flip side to every situation.

“Not that I was made aware of. But they're taking us over on a chariot so something tells me they won't have the space to take all my equipment from my garage,” my garage referred to the space I used in the house to work on my engineering and other miscellaneous mechanical objects I felt like making or heard how to make from the Internet...

Oh Celestia, would Ponyville even have Internet? If they don't I'm going to die. Humans quickly were able to rebuild their previous technological advances solely because of the discovery of a hidden magic. An innate ability of altering the world into an industrialized and mechanical one that was drastically increased upon entering the new world. Even he dumbest of humans could boast mechanical and technological intelligence and understanding beyond that of the smartest of any other race. Humans even had a separate IQ grading system. But ponies didn't have that technological ability, very few understood how to even repair the mechanics that humans made.

“Hello? Equis to Dax? Can you hear me?” Pest asked.

“Yeah, just worried,” she wordlessly asked me to continue, “I'm gonna have to leave behind a lot when I go. I don't know if I can even come across half the materials I have here in Equestria. It's just...” She stopped me with a hoof motion.

“I understand your concerns, and allow me this rebuttal; screw you it'll be great. It just reeks of adventure and romance! And it's not like you have friends to worry about!” Pest and I mocked each other a lot, but it was all in fun.

“Hey, at least all my friends know who I really am,”

“Oh wow. A whole one person knows you! I'm impressed!” Okay that one hurt.

“Fine, you win this round. I'm going but I'm not going to like it,” she seems satisfied with this answer and leaves the room. Probably to break off of all her current friendships with her disguises.

The question still remains. What should I pack? I do a three-sixty of my room and realize just how little I own in the aspects of common luxury. The mat in the floor that I call my bed was the only thing in the room that was mine. Everything littering the floor was Pest's. I grab a duffel bag and open my closet to get my clothes. Did I say clothes? I meant jumpsuits. That's really all I own: thirteen navy blue jumpsuits, ten plain white T-shirts, six pairs of boxer-briefs and a utility belt. At least I would have more room to pack my tools and materials.

What could I even take? My laser welding supplies would probably blow up or ignite something if I tried packing them. What's it like were I'm going? Am I going to have the space and solitude to keep up my research? Even if I can take my laser supplies, I don't want to end up giving half the town crippling cancer. And it's very likely that that would happen if I had a place near the town square.

I sauntered over to my garage and, as neatly as possible, shoved all my non-electric powered tools into the bag. A split second later I realize I had just put them on top of my clothes. I watched in horror as various silicone lubricants and gelatinous fluids seeped into my clean clothes. I sighed inwardly. I probably wouldn't have time to wash them and still be introduced to Princess Luna. I had already met Princess Celestia a couple of times, though it has been a considerable amount of time since I last did. When was it? I was about nine...

-15 years prior, Washington Castle, New London city-

“This is the single best idea I have ever had!” Pest shouted, over the whir of the machinery. I was beginning to think less along those lines as I tampered with teleporter to make it quieter (it was loud). So much could fail or go wrong. One miscalculation on my part and I put a baseball sized intrusion inside someone's diaphragm. Pest had even taken on one of her more obscure disguises, that of a lanky and light honeydew green coated earth pony filly, to have a chance of avoiding trouble

“This technology was iffy at best when it was a weapon. Are you sure we should be using it for pranks?” I was feeling pretty bad. We had already given my grandmother a heart attack by teleporting a big spider onto the book she was reading. The fact that she didn't hear the thing warm up (it was loud) made it easier for Pest to justify what we did.

“Dax? Did you not hear me, earlier? ‘Single best idea I have ever had,’ Ring any bells? Now take me through how to work this jury rigged contraption,” Pest always exceeded confidence in herself.

“Pick a target object, then use these,” I pointed at three nobs, “to control distance, altitude, and direction from center target point. It's very sensitive and requires precision,”

Before I could count to five Pest had shoved a kool-aid filled water balloon into the chamber. She looked around for a second before her eyes settled on the guard in full battle dress in front of the Throne Office. Her hooves blindly fumbled with the three nobs indomitably until she felt cocksure that whatever she was hoping for would happen. There was a muffled bang as the inside contents of the water balloon appeared inside the guards helmet. The balloon itself appeared ten feet to the left.

The guard began running and jumping about erratically. Kool-aid dripping from his helmet and gas mask, blinding him. Apparently this was everything Pest wanted and more, as she was rolling on the floor of the castle and laughing maniacally.

“Looks like you still have some bugs to work out, Dax!” She managed to heave in between her fits of laughter.

“Yeah, and you're one of them,” I mumbled nervously under my breath.

“Well, looks like the Throne Office is open to high jinks. Brains before beauty?” She said while opening the now unguarded doors for me. No matter how many times you enter the Throne Office, it always gets you. A shiver would run down your spine at the sheer feeling of the room. A feeling of... maybe patriotism? It was large enough to fit 1,000 comfortably and was designed to do just that. In the center of the amphitheater like room was a desk were my grandfather sat, from there he would listen to the problems of any who stepped forward.

“... and since that day we have never had a problem with the space in the Throne Office,” I would recognize my grandfathers voice no matter how long it had been since I had last heard it. I looked for the source until my eyes rested upon his colossal form. Next to him stood an unfamiliar pony. She stood almost taller as the average human, but seemed short compared to my grand father. She had both a horn and wings. Her green and pink mane waved in a seemingly etherial manor. There were two guards, one Human and one Equestrian, following closely behind them.

I feel another shiver run up my spine as an all to familiar whir starts up behind me. I only have time to turn around before Pest has lit a smoke bomb and shoved it into the chamber of the now running teleporter. Time seems to slow down as the smoke bomb disappears from my immediate view. I turn back around in time to see the human guard burst into a smokey explosion. My grandfather looked at me and Pest with sheer rage on his face. The unfamiliar pony looked close to laughing at the scene unraveling before her.

“Dax and Pest,” My grandfather whispered demonically...

“Y-Yes, Grandad?” I quietly stuttered.

“Yeah?” Pest asked, carefree an seemingly oblivious tone.

“Get out,” I bolted as soon as the words left his mouth.

-current time, Dax's garage-

I snapped back to the present. It was beginning to get dark out. Normally this meant nothing to me as I stayed up late and slept through the day, but something told me I would need my energy. I sighed outwardly as I crawled into my bed, fully prepared for a horrible nights sleep.

Author's Note

Question? Complaints? Concerns? Criticism preferred. Don't be gentle, I can take it (not really, I'm a wuss)

Awkward travels

I felt myself slowly slipping into the euphoria that is a good nights sleep. My body slowly felt heavier as my feelings of worry and ill tidings melted into...

“I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Dax,” my heart caught in my throat and I nearly shrieked like a banshee at Pest's voice in my ear. If my bed wasn't on the floor I would have fallen off of it. It took me a second to regain my heart rate enough to even comprehend the sound of Pest's laughter. Despite the situation, I couldn't help but calm down from her laugh.

“Oh, laugh it up now, Pest. Soon I will be the one to hold the cards,” I didn't really know what I meant by that, but I felt it sounded somewhat troubling.

“Yeah, whatever. Anyway, I need help packing,” Pest said

“You can do that on your own, I need to go to sleep so I can get up early to see the princesses,” I drawled groggily, “good first impressions and all that.” In all honesty I didn't care what Luna thought of me, I was going to be a citizen of her country whether she wanted me to or not. Her view of me was largely unneeded, as Celestia already knew me and probably liked me.

“If you don't help me, I'm going to make every waking moment of your Equestrian home life a living state of discomfort,” this more or less was sufficient enough to get me up and moving.

“What do you even need me to do?” I asked her simply.

“Nothing illegal, just check my luggage and make sure it's appropriately packed. Simple, or not?” How she could manage to think she overpacked or under-packed on a semi-permanent move was beyond me. But hey, what's a few minutes, give or take?

-the next day, around 3:00 in the afternoon, somewhere over an ocean between Humania and Equestria-

She had been overpacked. Oh Celestia how she was overpacked. I wasn't even able to get in bed until four in the morning and had slept straight through my alarm. I didn't even get up until noon, a good six hours late to my meeting with the princesses. At that point, neither Pest nor I even had time to bathe, a fact that Pest (who really enjoys her warm baths) hated. By the time we made it to the castle, Celestia and Luna were about to leave. My grandfather had become so upset he just sort of gave in and didn't even care that we were late. Pest, Luna, Celestia and I were about two thirds of the way there and the only ones who had talked were Pest and Celestia. Luna and I had silently agreed to ourselves that we had nothing to gain from conversing with anyone, I think that we'll get along fine.

“So Luna,” Celestia started, “would you like to ask our friend Dax how much the human race has changed since you left?”

Curse you, Celestia. Curse the ground you walk upon and the air you breathe.

Luna looked from me to Celestia. She probably was having similar thoughts to me at that moment. “Okay, Dax. Is your race still the sniveling, freeloading, violent race you were a thousand years ago?” Celestia less-than-gently nudged Luna.

I put on my biggest and most interested fake smile I could muster “No, Humania's basically on its feet. The only problem right now is the lack of interactions with other races, which I'm supposed to fix... Also I'm pretty sure the Griffin territories are still trying to declare war on us."

“I don't remember much about you humans,” Luna continued, “but didn't you always complain about us not having as complex luxuries as you?” What was she talking about? Seems that Luna was dealing with some form of racism against humans.

“Luna, the human race isn't at all like they were one thousand years ago,” Celestia said, looking at me apologetically, “Humans actually rebuilt a lot of their old technology and basically singlehoofedly fixed most countries' problems with medicines beyond herbalism that potentially doubled most ponies life expectancy. Coupled with their introductions of advanced metallurgy and assembly line products that could be made cheaply, quickly, and quantitatively, humans revolutionized not only Equstria's economy but almost all of Equis.”

Celestia took a deep breath in and out, seemingly calming herself and preparing for something. Luna was looking back and forth between me and her sister.

“Seriously?” Luna asked, sort-of unnecessarily.

“Hold on, we're about to cross over Equestrian borders,” I saw Luna tense up.

Suddenly, a brick wall of force slammed into me. The wind rushed out of my lungs and I gasped for air. The force may have been sudden, but it didn't end quickly. I felt myself slam into the back of the chariot. My lungs no longer had anything to get knocked out of them, but my stomach was nowhere near as lucky. I felt as if I was caught between an unstoppable force and an unmovable object. What could I do? The only things I could do: vomit, convulse, cry, and pray that my bladder was not the next to be forced to unload. This lasted for about a minute until it relented enough for me to breath properly. I don't think any of those present were doing any better.

“Yeah, so...question? What the hell was that?” Pest asked, summing up all of my questions.

“Equstria's main defense to invasion.” Celestia said, “you humans have your giant electromagnets, we have a force field. Any non-pony that passes Equestrian borders without permission is given a painful but bearable push back. Unfortunately the spell identifies alicorns as a non-pony.”

“We're entering without permission?” I asked

“Celestia insisted that permission to go see Humania was unneeded,” Luna said, with anger dripping from her words.

“The humans didn't seem to mind having us show up out of nowhere,” Celestia said smugly.

“Yeah, well the humans don't have a racist force field.”

“We shall be arriving in Ponyville shortly,” true to her word, I could see Ponyville in the distance.

Here goes nothing, off to an unfamiliar land with ponies I don't know whom my grandfather wishes me to get in an acquaintance with. God I hate social interactions. Why me specifically, first off? I mean, I don't have that much going for me. Do I? Does my Grandfather see something in me that I don't? Probably not, but who knows. Maybe I'm destined to save this land. Yeah, and maybe monkeys will fly out of my butt. I check my rear to make sure that this is not happening.

“Hey Dax?” Pest questioned

“What?”

“Where are we staying?”

I was about to answer Pest's question, when I realized I had none.

“Did you bring money?” She asked

I hadn't.

“I only brought some human bills. Probably not worth anything here since we're not on the gold standard.” She sighed outwardly, “Can we bum some coinage off of you, princesses?”

“Oh surprise, surprise. The human needs a give-away,” Luna truthfully has deep rooted racism towards humans.

“Actually, your grandfather bought a small plot of land from Equestria and built a house on it,” Celestia stated.

I wonder when she planned to relinquish that information.

The chariot lurched for a second when it landed, seemingly just a stone throws away from the nearest house of Ponyville.

“Welcome to the White Tail Woods, home of Ponyville's annual running of the leaves and your new backyard,” Celestia said.

It was beautiful to say the least. My new house, that is. I barely noticed the whatever woods. My home fit me perfectly. It was a single story home with solar panels on the roof and a wind turbine up front, which meant I had power. That was all I needed to know. I grabbed my stuff from the chariot and dashed like a mad man into my new abode.

“Wait, before you go, I have a gift,” Celestia said, “two tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala, enjoy”

And with that, she was off.

-Dax's and Pestilentia's new home, one hour later-

I began setting up the room that would soon become my garage. Unlike its predecessor, it was actually a garage. Some of the tools I worried I would no longer have access to were apparently included in my new home bundle. Pest had also found enough bits in a safe to keep us financially secure for about six months.

“Hey, Dax? How do I look?” I turned to the doorway and rested my eyes upon an all to familiar pony.

She was lanky with a light honeydew green coat. Her dark green mane fell over her face as it always did, hiding one of her oceanic blue eyes. Her cutie mark was that of three hearts, two blood red and one ice blue, every time you asked her about it she had a new story to tell. As far as most people were concerned, she was my only friend and my assistant.

“Hey Pest, what's with your OC?” I asked.

“Oh, you know. Don't want to scare the whole town by existing.”

I don't know why, but whenever Pest is nearby is when I have my best ideas. Needless to say, I was about to be brilliant.

-Ponyville library, same time-

“Spike, you can send the letter,” Twilight said with a certain finality to it.

“Now you won't get to go to the Gala either,” Fluttershy murmured, barely above a whisper.

“It's okay girls, I couldn't possibly enjoy myself without my best friends there with me. So I'd rather not go at all,” everypony present gathered together at these words, simply glad to be friends.

Knock, knock

“Now who could that be?” Rarity asked to nopony in particular.

Spike ran over to the door, curious as to who was behind it.

To the shock and awe of everypony present, behind door number one stood Celestia herself. They all quickly kneeled to a bow, save Twilight, who ran over to her mentor for a brief nuzzle.

“Rise my little ponies, there is no need for any formalities; I am here with a gift,” Celestia produced six tickets.

“They always give me way too many of these,” she complained under her breathe.

“Now we can all go!” Twilight announced with joy. Everypony began hooting and hollering along with her.

“So princess, what exactly are you doing out here?” Rainbow Dash asked. Everypony stopped their rejoicing to hear her answer.

“Just dropping off the son of the daughter of a friend who is moving to Ponyville,” before she could be questioned further, she exited the library. Twilight and Pinkie Pie quickly dawned worried looks upon their faces,

“If the Princess brought him here, he's probably a very important pony. What if he doesn't like Ponyville because nopony formally welcomes him?” Twilight questioned.

“The Princess never told us where he's staying! I can't throw a welcome party when I don't know where he is!” Pinkie Pie demanded.

“We need to see him, now!” Twilight and Pinkie yelled in unison.

“Now there ain't no need to stress,” Applejack said, “we'll cross that bridge when it comes. If'n he is one a those city slickers who'll write off a town just cause he doesn't get a welcome comity then he probably ain't worth the trip over.”

“I hope you're right, Applejack,” Twilight spoke solemnly, “I really do.”

Author's Note

Still open for criticism.
Now with only 20% of the fat.

Racism and other fun concepts

I tweaked the coil slightly. If I made it too tight, I messed the current up entirely; I made it too loose and the current wouldn't be strong enough for what I needed. I had made a few electromagnets in the past, but never one to do what this one was built to do. I had been reminded by the racist force field that protected Equestria of Humania's main protection from invasion, i.e. the Tesla Electromagnetic Fence.

The Tesla Electromagnetic Fence was named after one of human history's greatest inventors. It circled the entire country and was seven meters high all around. It was left off most of the time for safety and energy saving reasons; but when it was turned on, it could polarize and attract even non-metal objects. The electromagnet I was currently building would never be that powerful, but if my calculations were correct, I had just built an electromagnet ten times more applicable and useful then the Tesla Electromagnetic Fence.

“Dax, look at me,” I ignored Pest, nothing could be more important than the Dax-Magnet. I mentally removed that name from my list of names for my invention. I could revolutionize everything anyone or anypony ever thought about the electromagnet.

“Dax, I'm not kidding, you haven't left this room in three months. I'm running out of peanut butter and patience,” there is no way it has been more than a month. But how can there be no peanut butter? We had twenty jars last time I had checked. I finally glanced at Pest, solely to satisfy my curiosity. Before I could ask about the peanut butter, I had an answer. Pest was eating directly from a jar of half empty peanut butter.

“This is your fault, Dax. You've left me to my own devices for so long, I ate all our Nutella and I'm almost all of our peanut butter,” she took another large and exaggerated spoonful of peanut butter and shoved it into her fanged mouth, “what are you even making in here?”

“Pestilentia, I am going to kill you, but not right now because I'm proud of this and I want to share. Before you stands the worlds one and only repelling electromagnet. Normally, an electromagnet polarizes the metals around it and they attract north to south; this magnet alters its own current and makes a sort of ‘negative pole’ that only can repel metal. But with the flick of a switch it becomes a regular old electromagnet,” I beamed with pleasure. This magnet could make me famous. Put my name in a textbook or something. Thinking of all that fame made me nervous, fame almost always led to popularity and that led to people wanting to see you. As much as I hated that idea, I would never keep the world back from a great discovery. I started walking towards the fridge that we kept my battery cells stored.

“Before you test it, could you go into town and pick up some food? We're running low on everything,” I stopped dead in my tracks as what Pest asked me to do soaked into my brain.

“Go outside? Were the ponies live? And... converse?” I felt fear well up in my system at the prospect of talking to a new community, getting asked who I am, or, even worse, make a friend.

“Oh, god forbid you go out there and talk with somepony!” Pestilentia yelled at me. She stared down with her murky blue eyes. I would never say it to her face, but I liked the way her eyes looked.

“How can you manage to always be giving of positive emotions around me?” She asked, seemingly out of nowhere. I sometimes could forget that as a Changeling she could read my emotions like a book. She assured me she never looked at my emotions when I was depressed or something because Changelings had a habit of reacting to the emotion they were feeding on.

“In all honesty, I don't know. You have always been a constant in my life and are my only friend; you're just great Pest,” the words left my mouth as if they had always been there, and I felt a moderate peace at saying them.

“That's really sweet and I feel the same way,” I saw a twinkle in her hazy blue eyes, “but you still have to go get groceries. Moneys on the counter,” I walked away feeling her eyes on me. I grabbed money and hit the switch on the garage door.

Unwanted light flooded my little workspace like a plague or disease. I shielded my eyes to no avail, Celestia herself was dead set on ruining my day.

-Pest's perspective, same time-

I watched Dax walk away to, to him, seemed a treacherous and unforgiving adventure. Wow, Dax's vocab was rubbing off on me, next I would say “moist” or “caress” in a non-joking manor. Was I developing feelings for Dax? Seemed like it. Wonder were that path would take me. I couldn't tell if he felt anything back. Was he gay?

I picked up my jar of PB and started licking the inside clean. Despite what everypony thinks, changelings could eat and needed real food. The best bet as to why the ability to eat emotions formed is that there wasn't enough food in the badlands (shocker) we called home. Eventually we adapted to feeding on the ever bountiful crop of radiated emotional magic residue. Or something. I wasn't really listening to that explanation.

I took a step and almost tripped on a metal part of one gadget or another. I really did the right thing, sending Dax out. When Dax gets really into something, he starts to get dangerous to himself and others. He hadn't slept more then ten minutes at a time in the three months he had locked himself away and barely ate enough to stay alive.

Sometimes he really worried me.

If he died, were would I be in life? I owed Dax and his family so much that it wasn't even funny, they had taken me in when I was only seven years old and living off of the streets. Dax had been only about a year younger so we got along very well since the start. Like a “Find one of us to find the other” close. I had built a few friendships in a couple different forms but Dax had always been the strongest emotional supplier out of all of them. He had befriended me, Pest. Not a disguise. Not one of my OC's. Pestilentia, herself.

I heard a few sounds outside and reflexively pulled up a disguise. My current go to disguise, a lanky and green earth pony. I peered through the open garage door to the front door.

Standing away where three ponies, the first was... strange. Even this far away her excitement tasted sweet and sugary with an unbound urge to have fun. She had a hot pink and unkept mane of curls that screamed “life of the party” and a coat of a lighter shade of the same color.

The second was no less strange. I tasted a very strange emotion on her; unwavering loyalty. Very few could brag of that trait, even fewer radiated it from this far away. Her appearance was, in all honesty, a little gaudy. A rainbow of colors adorned her mane and tail atop a cyan coat, she obviously had a runners build (I guess flyers build was more appropriate, given she was a Pegasus). But I had to admit, she pulled it off.

The third was not a pony, but a griffon with white plumage and a brownish orange lions fur. She gave off a very bitter and resentful taste. Some changelings like that but I've always been a positive girl myself. Unlike the other two, her emotional radiation was weak, I couldn't have gone in depth on her emotions if I tried. She didn't feel strongly enough or put her heart and soul into anything. Her amber eyes seemed lulled and uncaring

I wonder what they wanted? I dug my snout into the PB jar to ensure it was all gone before I threw it away and watched the show.

“Are you sure that this is the new ponies home, Pinkie?” The rainbow themed one asked.

“Absolutely positutely! My Pinkie sense said that there was a new pony family in town, and that they lived over here!” The pink one, I guess Pinkie, shouted frantically.

“Whatever, lets just prank them or whatever then leave,” I didn't like this griffin girl. I quickly memorized her face so I could give her a bad name later. Pinkie agreed with my dislike, if her emotions were truthful. I flicked the house security switch on to ensure that some distance was kept.

“We can't prank them until we know them, Gilda, it's just rude! Don't you agree Rainbow Dash?” I liked Pinkie, she was overflowing with happiness and content. Rainbow Dash had confidence and humor, I liked her too. Gilda was filled with tension and viciousness to a small degree, but mostly a sense of self image. It was kind of sad to taste.

“Don't be a lame-o. Lets just...” Gilda was quickly cut off mid-sentence as she stepped into the area monitor of Dax's home security thingy.

«Warning: the action you are about to do is in direct violation of Humanian laws and restrictions. Please cease and desist immediately or punishment will be issued»

The voice was cold, uncaring and metallic. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie seemed scared by it, but Gilda laughed.

“Humanian? This is a humans home! Those weaklings don't have the guts to stop me from entering,” Gilda turned to the ponies, “the only thing you should worry about are their guns!” She put a lot of emphasis on the word guns.

“Back home in the Gryphon Territories, we had this old coot of human female. Like, as old as that green pony back in Ponyville,” there was a surge of anger from Pinkie, “She sold these weird electric things. Anyway, one day a griffin, big guy, tried to rob her in broad daylight for fun. No one tried to help her, we thought she would just lose the fight and cry or something, but she didn't need the help. He pointed a spear at her and she pulled this pipe looking thing. Boom! She pulled the trigger and his entire body exploded into a bloody mess!” I could taste fear and disgust from the two ponies. Gilda seemed to have even more, though she was masking it.

“Yeah, I don't know if we should break into a humans house,” Rainbow Dash said intelligently.

“We have to give them a welcome party, even if they're a meany rude pants,” she looked at Gilda as she said this.

I did some quick calculations in my head. Guns = Super Death Wands. Super Death Wands = a great heavy metal band name, though that was beside the point. I had a great idea that involved me transforming into Dax and pointing a gun at them to scare them away. It was fool proof.

Normally I hate transforming into humans, it gets into your brain. The first thing I felt this time as I transformed was smarter. Humans magic makes them a lot smarter then average, they can work mathematics and scientific stuff as if it were child's play, but the weirdest part of transforming into human is what it made you lose: your ability to not care. As a human, everything peaked my interest. How did this work? How did that work? Why was there only one season of Firefly?

Turning into Dax was at least ten times more difficult. Not to toot my own horn, but I was so skilled at transforming that, when I transformed into another being, I matched there magical prowess. For earth ponies I matched strength and farming abilities, but for humans I matched learning capabilities and industrialization abilities. Goddesses, it was already taking affect. Industrialization? I barely knew what that word meant. Dax was some kind of human god of learning.

I could feel Dax's phenotypes beginning take effect. His black, sort-of long sort-of short curly hair; his smooth and young face; and his un-callused hands. His clothes also appeared in their full jump suit stature.

This was going to be fun.

Author's Note

Any comments, complaints, or concerns will make this fanfic great.

Misunderstandings with firearms

I don't think Dax would have allowed guns to be lying around, but Dax's grandfather did. In the house there were six .44 revolvers, two 12 gauge shotguns, and a 9mm SMG. This wasn't even counting the laser weapons I found, which tripled the total weapon count in the home. Dax was going to be pissed, but that could wait. Gilda and company had begun there attempt breaking and entering, which had yet to activate Dax's defense system.

“Gilda, if these humans are as dangerous as you say, then why are we trying to break in?” Rainbow Dash, the voice of apparently reason, asked.

“Think of the sweet stuff that could be in there!” Gilda yelled.

It was true, we had some sweet stuff.

Pinkie was giving off seven different variants of rage, “Watch your... everything! And stealing? That's not friendly neighbor like!”

“Oh, buzz off! They're probably not even home—” was what she began to say, when she was hit with five hundred thousand volts of airborne electricity from Dax's security system. I used this as my cue to run at them with every gun I had.

Gilda was thrown off her feet by the volts and probably wouldn't have a pulse for a few minutes, so I aimed for Rainbow Dash first. I charged a Space-Blaster™ brand laser missile and shot at a tree next to her. A blue lightning-bolt-like arc of energy fired from the bulky weapon. The explosion left a crater at least ten meters big in the floor and destroyed a couple other trees.

“Sweet Celestia! Run for it, Pinkie Pie!” Fear was thick in the air and I hated its taste, but I needed to prove early on that ponies shouldn't mess with this house. Pinkie Pie didn't seem like she was going to run and Gilda wasn't going to want to get up for awhile if she wasn't dead.

“Get offa my lawn!” I put on my craziest smile and started randomly firing as many weapons as I could.

-Dax's perspective, the only supermarket in Ponyville-

Oh Celestia, this was awkward.

I stood at the self checkout, doing nothing other than checking out all the products Pest deemed important to our very survival as a unit; a twenty pack of peanut butter and some apples. I had grabbed other things, sure, but Pest only really wanted two things.

The entire town had gone quiet the second I walked in. A large portion had simply fled to the interior of there homes. Some were nice enough to stay outside, but none went back to their daily business. Everypony watched me walk away, as if they expected me to suddenly attack.

I feel like it was a mistake not to.

I could hear the humdrum sound of the freezer running in the back of the store. There was a little foal crying somewhere deep in the supermarket, I could make out a mother trying to quickly hush it.

The supermarket itself was pretty small, thinking about it. I'm pretty sure in pony culture they preferred the homemade products and stores that only sold one type of product. They were a very social bunch when compared to humans and usually knew a lot of the ponies in their community.

I stepped back into the streets. The warm dirt, grit, and rocks slipped between my toes, and was a good distraction from the people...err, ponies... watching me. In all honesty, I should have worn shoes, but it had slipped my mind to put them on.

“Hey! Y'all there! Um, monkey?” A voice called from my left. I turned to face an apple stall being run by a pony. She had an orange coat that seemed almost sun bleached, coupled with her strong physique, it was was obvious she was a worker. She nervously messed around with her stetson hat.

Please don't talk to me please don't talk to me please don't talk to me please don't talk to me please don't talk to me please don't talk to me please don't talk to me please don't talk to me please don't talk to me please don't talk to me please don't talk to me please don't talk to me please don't talk to me please don't talk to me please don't talk to me please don't talk to me please don't talk to me please don't talk to me please don't talk to me please don't talk to me please don't talk to me please don't talk to me. Please.

I gulped in a quick breath, “Yes?” Oh god, I sounded too sincere. She'll think I'm okay with talking and want to do more of it. Come on Dax, sound rude, you haven't slept a full night since you first met Pest.

“I just noticed that you bought some apples,”–she gestured a hoof at my bag–“and thought I'd tell ya that my apples are better quality and only a little more pricey,”.

Oh, sweet Celestia, she was the worst kind of Good Samaritan, the social kind.

“Well, I'm currently unemployed so every penny and bit counts,” I have had sixteen years of practice and trial runs to lead to this event. Fake smile, try to walk away, trip, pretend I didn't trip, repeat. I put on my second biggest faked smile to date and slowly back peddled.

“Oh, please!” she shouted, “you got braeburns so bruised that they look like red delicious! Just buy some apples, I'll take these off your hooves and give you some for free. I'm that confident that you'll come back!”

She looked at me, slightly annoyed. What did I have to lose? The bag that held all the apples was beginning to leak, and the mares face told me this was a one time offer. I wordlessly handed the bag over to her.

“Thanks, miss...?” I kept the sentence open.

“My names Applejack, but my friends call me A.J,” she thrusted out her hoof in a greeting.

I gently took her hoof and shook it, “Thank you, Applejack,”.

Maybe it was the way I said her name, but she seemed hurt. Before I put too much thought into it, I picked up the bag of new apples and ran off. I am not exaggerating. I ran away.

I really hate social interactions. I hope I've made that apparent.

About half way between the town and my house I slowed down to a brisk walk. My legs burned from the strain and my throat was raw from breathing heavily, but it was worth it. Applejack seemed nice, but friendship would keep me from making the world a better place.

I was so deep in thought, trying to justify my behavior, that I didn't notice three ponies run into me. Humans normally way a little less than ponies, and while I'm tall, I'm a little underweight at about seventy-six kilograms. A single pony averages at ninety kilograms. Three full ponies traveling maximum speed at fifty-nine km/h run into me dead on. Wind speed and resistance are diminishable; as such, they don't need to be added into the equation. How far back would we fly?

Algebra has trained me for this day.

“Hey! Watch it!” I couldn't see the ponies on top of me, because of the absence of air in my lungs and the abundance of fur in my face. It had a surprisingly comfortable feel to it. They probably had their belly on me.

“Um, Dashy? It's him!” The one on my face shouted. There was a flurry of motion as two forms jumped off of me and a third was dragged off.

I laid on the ground, just staring at the hovering sun. It was sort of beautiful now, since I was used to it. I laughed a little. It was just like Pestilentia...

Did I just think that? I shouldn't think like that of Pest, she's like my sister. My enduring and annoying sister who got into a lot of trouble. To crazy for her own good.

Sometimes, she really worried me.

If she died, were would I be in life? I owed a lot to Pest, so much that it wasn't even funny, she didn't know it, but she had kept me from making some horrible decisions once upon of time, when I was at my lowest. She tried to lead me to other bad decisions (like recreational drugs, late night parties, fight clubs, and unisex strip clubs to list a few), but only out of the kindness of her heart. Pest has always been my only friend. She was also the closest person to me in my life, she knew so much more about me than anyone else because I opened up to her. Kids had always thought I was wired wrong in my head, and made sure I knew it. I would never stand up for myself, but Pest would. She was the scrapper I couldn't be.

And there was a good chance she had caused the three ponies to run in fear from my house.

Walking to a building you didn't want to go to is never a long process, so I was home before I knew it. Or at least what was left of my home. Nothing was completely destroyed, but nothing was left un-molested. Trees were uprooted, craters were smoldering, and there was only a griffin shaped patch of un-scorched lawn.

“Pest, front and center!” I shouted to the remains of my home life. A quick rustle of wood chips, and Pest jumped out of one of the many craters in my property.

“What's up? You get any peanut butter?” She seemed to be failing at innocence

I tossed her a jar and gestured around me.

“Yeah, I got into a fight. I used you as a disguise so that the locals would fear you. It got out of hand, and— well, you may want to hide inside for a week or two,”

I took a heavy breath and wept silently at my own expense.

Author's Note

Comments? Complaints? Concerns?