The Great Wall of Discord

by Herrpface

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Discord, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Fluttershy
Length: 2357

If you thought the reader had it hard...

After Discord manages to free himself from his confines, he plans to unleash his most brutal attack on Equestria yet. How shall the elements cope with his most sickening plot yet?

(Alt. Universe tag for evil Discord, Rated teen for brief language)

Published 2013-01-31 07:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-31 07:00:01 UTC

I FEEL ILL

"Very well, then. I see no problem with your proposal, Ms. Aces."

"Thank you very much, princess." responded Flying Aces, a Canterlot pegasus hoping for regulated work hours at the local station.

"You're very welcome. Have a pleasant day, now." The princess said with warmth in her voice.

With a pleased smile, Aces trotted out of the throne room to presume her daily affairs. Celestia remained on her throne, scanning and signing parchments as she calmly hummed to herself. For her, the day had gone fairly casually. Get up, raise the sun, have breakfast, and tend to royal duties. While she was perfectly content with her life and daily cycle, she couldn't help but sometimes feel the tediousness of her interminable schedule and hope for the rare occurrence different measures must be taken. Even if it was a threat or crisis to Equestria's freedom or existence, she would feel slightly excited to utilize wit and quick thinking to protect her beloved subjects and freedom. But, as is, the usual routine was rewarding out of satisfaction.

Today, however, she would soon realize a threat that would make endless tea-sipping all the more appealing...

The Royal Garden

Sheer Whim, a unicorn Royal Guard, was cheerfully patrolling the royal garden while Celestia sent off her subject. He always enjoyed the feeling the refreshing air from the gardens seemed to give. His contentment, however, was disrupted by the sight of an all-too-familiar figure encased in stone.

Disgusted by even the sight of the wretched creature, he turned around with a disdainful humph. However, his mood was worsened by an even more grating sight.

"...What do you want, Snap?" He sighed.

Whip Snap, Sheer Whim's confounded roommate, gave him a look of extreme contempt.

"...What I would WANT, WHIM, IS FOR YOU TO AT LEAST ONCE...in your CELESTIA-FORSAKEN LIFE...TO STOP EATING ALL OF THE DAMN PEPPERMINT PUCKS I GET FOR MY BIRTHDAY BEFORE I UNWRAP THEM!!!!!"

Any previous contentment in Whim's mind dissolved. "ME? I DIDN'T EAT A SINGLE DAMN ONE OF YOUR PEPPERMINT PUCKS!!! MAYBE IF YOU STOPPED USING PAINT REMOVER FOR CONTACTS SOLUTION, YOU'D REALIZE THAT YOUR WEATHER BALLOON OF A MAREFRIEND PRETTY MUCH SHOP-VACS THEM WHENEVER SHE'S IN OUR ROOM!!!!!""

Whip Snap was taken aback over the attack on his girlfriend, rage flaring in his heart.

"YOU'RE A SCHMUCK!!!" he retorted.

"PLOTFACE!!!"

"FATASS!!!"

"FLANKMUNCH!!!"

"STUPIDHEAD!!!"

"DOODYBRAINS!!!"

After their melee of quick-witted insults, both ended up wrestling on the grass, spewing vulgarities as they kicked and punched at each other. However, unbeknownst to them, a dark, dark figure watched their duel, realizing the moment was nigh.

It...is time...

Back in the Throne Room...

Celestia continued to hum when a sudden cackling from nowhere interrupted her from her work.

Oh NO... She frustratedly thought.

As soon as that thought was finished, a voice heckled her. "Oh yes, Celestia! Aren't you happy to see your old pal, D, again? Why, I thought we always had such merry times together, me erupting sweet, delicious chaos upon the world, and your hilarious reactions to it all! Come now, don't you want to relive a little nostalgia?" Discord said as he materialized before her.

Celestia, rather than express contempt, merely smirked. "Just give up, Discord. I've constructed a hotline to the elements since your last rampage through Ponyville." She said as she levitated a red cordless telephone to her ear. "Good luck with your precious mutiny."

"Oh, Celestia, come on! You honestly went with a hotline? A HOTLINE? Of all the hypotheses I established with your plan to keep me in that cement block, this is by far the easiest! I'm disappointed, to say the least!"

"You're disappointment will only run further, Discord. I almost pity you."

"So you won't even give me the benefit of the first move?"

"Nope. Sorry."

Discord's pre-sinister grin intensified. A loud SNAP bounded from his back.

Celestia cursed herself, letting Discord act too quickly like that. She was surprised, however, to realize that nothing seemed to have changed. "What have you done, Discord?" She replied calmly, not wanting to give Discord the satisfaction of witnessing her fear something. "Oh, you're looking right at it, Celestia! Well, Ta-Ta!" He said as he vanished, off to witness his tomfoolery take place. Celestia looked around her, trying to find whatever Discord had mutilated about reality. However, nothing came up. She Levitated a nearby mirror to her face, hoping that Discord hadn't altered her appearance. Thankfully, she looked exactly as she had this morning. Slightly unnerved about the elusive answer about what Discord could have possibly done, she sat herself down. However, she started to notice something...different. Different and slightly...upsetting, as if there was something wrong with the air around her but she couldn't quite grip it. "LUNA...HELP..." she hollered into a brass funnel protruding from the wall behind her. By the time Luna had appeared, the feeling Celestia was feeling has worsened, as if she was getting closer to realizing what Discord's plan was...and yet. "What is wrong, my sister?" Luna asked, concerned by Celestia's tone over the communicator. "Luna...Discord has escaped again..." she replied with a fearful tone. "Aren't you going to use the hotline?" Luna replied with an urgent gasp. "I'm about to...but Discord did something... he said I'm looking at it, so it might be in this room..." "I don't see anything wrong." Luna said as she flew about the room, inspecting. Celestia however, gasped. No...he couldn't have... she thought as she reached a fearful deduction. She strutted about the room, feeling much more disoriented and sick. "Luna...how do you feel right now?" "Luna looked slightly confused, but then surprised, as if she realized something to her sister's words. "I actually don't feel that right, sister." Celestia continued to trot forward, feeling as if she was constantly losing her sense of location, as if entering an area she was just at or yet to find. "No...SWEET FAUST, NO!!!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. "Sister? What's wrong?" Luna asked with strong concern. "DISCORD!!! HE'S TRAPPED US WITHIN A WALL OF TEXT!!!" Luna looked around, and gave a shriek over the truth. "WHAT WILL WE DO, CELESTIA?!?!!" Luna yelled in panic. "Don't panic, Luna..." Celestia said, struggling to obey her own words. "Just...alert the royal guard and find Discord...I'll contact the elements." Luna gave a nod and strode off. "Dangit, I was already here!!!!" she said as she stumbled through the doors to the throne room. Celestia floated the red phone to her ear. "Hello, Twilight? Get the elements together! Discord has escaped and trapped us within a wa...hello?" Celestia waited for a reply, but nothing came from the phone. Dammit, he must've tampered with the signal. I'll have to teleport. She thought as she charged her horn, only for the magic to disperse at its climax. "I can't concentrate without indentations..." she mumbled. Deciding to take flight, she pulled a rope dangling from the ceiling that caused the throne to fold backwards Sweeney-Todd style and send her down a chute that led to a waiting chariot that two pegasi were hooked to. "TO PONYVILLE, STAT!!!" She bellowed. The pegasi nodded, taking off through the garage's skylight. At full speed, it would be but minutes to reach Ponyville. The pegasi, however, zigzagged through the skies, unable to get a good focal point to help them fly properly. "Try and fly as straight as possible!!!" she said. "We're trying, your majesty!!!" By that point, however, they were completely off course. "You two land safely, I'll take it from here!!!" She said as she leaped away, watching the pegasi land safely on a hill below. With great difficulty, she'd managed to reach Ponyville after a full ten minutes of flying. By the time she was there, Ponyville was in panic, dozens of disoriented ponies galloping around in abstract paths, trying to find some form of fluency and focus. Feeling sick herself, she found her way to Golden Oaks Library. She was surprised to find not only Spike and Twilight, but also Rarity and Pinkie Pie, all for of them surrounding the lunch table with a lunch set up. However, all were lying on the ground semi-conscious, twitching occasionally and foaming at the mouths. "Twilight? TWLIGHT, WAKE UP!!!" the princess yelled desperately. Twilight grumbled as she snapped out of her stupor. "Princess....help...wall...feel sick..." "It's okay, my beloved student. But we have to get the elements together. Discord is behind all this." Twilight gasped. "Oh, no! we have to hurry!" "I know, student. Let us find the other elements as soon as possible." Waking up the Spike and the other ponies, they set out through the front door on their adventure. Before to long, they came across Rainbow Dash spewing into a garbage can from motion sickness. "Rainbow Dash, we have to find the others! Discord escaped and he put us in a wall of text!" "URP...okay, Twi..." she said groggily as she joined the group. After arriving at Sweet Apple Acres, they found Applejack after realizing how quick that transition was without an indentation. "Guys?...H-How'd y'all manage t'get here so quickly..." "No time for that Applejack. We've got to defeat discord." Twilight announced. They proceeded to Fluttershy's house next. Fluttershy was found beneath her bed, which she always sought for sanctuary for ninety percent of all crises she thought would purge the world of her adorable existence. "Fluttershy, get up! we have to use The Elements of Harmony again!!!" Twilight said. "Oh...okay..." Fluttershy meekly got out. Now that all of the elements were together, Celestia warped all of the elements together, a trick she established nowadays in case such events happened. "We should be able to teleport there if me and Twilight work our magic together." the princess said. She and Twilight pointed their horns an inch apart from the tips, causing an orb of purple light to form. As the light intensified, a loud bursting sound occurred. Once the environment came back into focus, they found themselves back in the throne room. "Well, Celestia, what do you think of the new world I've created for you and your ponies to live within?" The ponies turned to see discord on a floating throne, munching from a bag of popcorn. Celestia only glared. "Oh, you don't like it, Celly? Well, maybe a change of scenery will help!" snap

The white alicorn with a multicolored mane looked around, just as confused as before. "...What have you done, Discord?"

The dark blue alicorn with a starry blue mane gasped. "HE GAVE US LAVENDER-UNICORN SYNDROME!!!"

The small crowd of pastel-colored ponies all screamed in terror. "YOU MONSTER!!!" The lavender unicorn with a dark purple mane containing a pink and mauve highlight demanded.

"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE IN THESE CONDITIONS!?!!?" yelled the marshmallow-white unicorn with a deep indigo mane in a mid atlantic accent.

"TURN US BACK, YOU FREAK!!!!" demanded the cloudsdale-born sky-blue winged pony with rose colored eyes, a byzantium, azure, jade, peach, orange, and amaranth mane, and an encryption on both hips boasting a white cloud with a curved lightning bolt that was striped with the colors red, yellow, and blue.

"Oh, I'm ever so sorry, girls! Here, let me try something a little more...avant grade." The draconequess with a multitude of animalistic features said as he brought his forefinger and thumb together. snap

"wut yo d- OMG DSCROD YU MDE EVRYTHNG SPLL WRONG. I HAT YUO" sed celstai.

"HAHAHAHAHOAHAUAHAAHAOAHAO" sed dsford.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA MY NOT LEIK SPEL BAD" sed twilit.

"HORHAORHUAHROHAY" sed disfrd agan.

"U UNCOUCH DSCRED" sed ratry.

"OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHHOOOHOHHOHOHOHOHHHOOHHOHOHOOH" dscrd laffd.

"GIRLZ WEE UZ ELEMENS HARMY TEY GUD" sed Twilt.

Th poniz us elemnz. ZAPPIZAPAAPAYAZZAZA

NORROOAGROAGAaaaugghhhh....." was the last thing Discord could utter out before the petrification rose above his mouth, muting him indefinitely. The six mares and princess looked upon his frozen body, praying that he had played his last move.

"Is...it over?" Fluttershy asked meekly.

Celestia started to walk about, getting a hold of her surroundings. "Yes, Fluttershy, I think it is!!!"

Everypony cheered over their victory. "COME ON, EVERYPONY!!! THERE'S A PARTY IN ORDER HERE!!!" Pinkie Pie cheered.

Everypony trotted out of the room, agreeing with their party pony pal. Celestia lingered her gaze on Discord as they exited the throne room.

"Guards...take him away." she stated with relief. The guards nodded, picking his body up with their magic. As he was lifted away, however, Discord's thoughts lived on.

Cheer now, my little ponies...you have only thought me to play my trump card early...

The next day in Ponyville...

Fluttershy sat outside of her bathroom, pained to listen to Angel Bunny's heaves in pain. After several minutes of agony, Angel Bunny finally exited, looking unusually green.

"Oh, I'm so sorry you have a tummy ache, Angel..." She said as she gently pulled him into a hug. "You just go get some rest, and you'll feel all better in no time."

Angel complied, groggily ascending the steps.

"I guess I better check on all my other critter friends, too..." She thought aloud.

Exiting her house and entering the outer regions of the ever free forest, she wandered about in search of animals in need of aid.

"Hello? Anything out there need help?" She called out.

To her surprise, she was answered with an unfamiliar groaning sound. She turned her head into the direction of the sound, seeing a strange heap on the ground nearby. As she approached it, she was amazed to realize it was some strange creature that was barely conscious. It had a body similar to that of the diamond dogs, with feet and strange, monkey-like hands. It had barely any fur, minus an area on the majority of its head. It's lack of hair was made up for strange clothing...a pair of jeans and a grey shirt with "Blue Angels" written on it.

"Are...are you okay?" she nervously asked the animal.

"ugh...I think..." the creature stirred and turned onto its back, showing a primate-esque face.

"Oh my god..." It said. "Y-You're Fluttershy..."

Fluttershy gasped. "H-How did you know my name?"

It sat up. "I'll explain everything soon...but for now, my name's Kyle."