How to Get Rainbow Dash to Rage

by xXQw3rtyXx

First published February 2nd, 2013 08:50

Rainbow Dash wakes up to find herself being stalked by somepony who is deliberatly trying to annoy her. Our normal sweet and cute Dashie wants to find this pony, and crush he/she's guts into little pieces for the next days breakfast. This story has intimate use of popular internet meme's.

Chapters

Waking Up Feeling Like A Boss
LAWL, no.
Rage Point
Trawlled

Waking Up Feeling Like A Boss
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How to Get Rainbow Dash to Rage

Waking Up Feeling Like A Boss

One thing I hated is being woken up. It was a bright and sunny day above me. Below me, it was a level two hurricane. I expected everyone to be inside, doing whatever it is that they do. I was quietly dozing, dreaming of flying to space, kicking Mars, and breaking my hoof, when I heard a blast of dubstep. At first I thought it was Vinyl Scratch, as she loved this sort of stuff, until it got real loud, and my ears started to hurt, and I swore it was bleeding. "The heck?" I woke up, rubbing my hoofs, glad to find that they weren't broken. "Dubstep? I love dubstep! Waking up to my wub wubz is the best kind of way to be woken up." I looked around, rubbing my eyes.

I turned around and screamed like a girl, which I usually didn't. I nearly fell off the cloud, and my heart skipped atleast over 9000 beats. There was a stereo amp right there, in front of me. No one was there though. "Hey what's the big idea!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. I kicked over the stereo, and it fell down through the clouds, and I saw it explode in the rain clouds. How does a stereo even stay on the clouds, anyway?

I flew down and landed on the rain clouds. Another great thing about being a pegasus is that you can never get hit by lightning. I trotted around a couple circles, ready to move the rain clouds north, until something shocked me real hard. The only thing I saw was a yellow flash of bolt coming from the clouds. "What? Where? How? Why? Who?!!??" I never got shocked by lightning before, and this was a whole new level of weird. I almost felt like that somone was out to get me.

I cautiously took one step, and I was shocked again. I flew up like a bullet, and the lightning nearly hit me, but I got away. "If you're out there, stop trolling me, or I'ma go all rage face on you," using my best threatening tone, which I've been practicing on Fluttershy. She cried a few times, but It was worth it.

I flew up some more, got to a reasonable height. I dropped down like a bullet, and pushed through the cloud, creating a sonic rainboom, which cleared the rain clouds, the fastest way to do it. I tried to stop, but as soon I as I slowed down the least bit, something heavy hit me in the back, and I hit the cround with a *crunch*. That didn't hurt me much, but it still was painful. I stood up, checked myself, plucked a couple of loose feathers, and shook my body like a wet dog. I turned around, "An anvil, seriously? I get the trolling, but deliberatly trying to injure me? When I get my hands on you..." "Hey Dashie!," Twilight walked by. I heard dubstep again, and it was getting closer. I looked up, "I hate my life," and the stereo landed on my face.

I dreamed I was in Canterlot flying with the Wonderbolts. Soarin, once again, had too much pie, and fainted mid-flight. I tried to save him, but my wings had dissapeared. Everyone laughed and booed as I fell to my doom, and Soarin landed one my after I hit the ground. He kept saying, "Dashie, Dashie? Dashie!" and he slapped my face a couple of times, until I finally regained sight of the real world.

RedHeart was calling my name. "Yeah? What? Where am I?" I franticlly looked around like an idiot. Of course this was the hospital. Pinkie Pie, Twilight, Rarity, and Applejack were standing by my sides. "You okai dere' Rainbo' Dash?" Applejack asked. Honestly, I felt like every bone was broken in my body, until RedHeart showed me the stereo and explained it was made of plastic. "Gash, who would want' to do such a horrid thing?" Rarity spoke up, clearly not noticing that it was a plastic stereo. "Uhm, Rarity? Rainbow's fine, it was a plastic stereo," Twilight explained in a slow tone. "Plastic? Oh what a horrid material! Let me take this back to the boutiqe and remake it out of cast iron and gems!" Rarity gladly grabbed it, and took off.

After everything was cleared up, and I was fine, I stepped out into the sun, which wasn't there. The rainclouds were back, even after I got them away. Well, now I know the pony out to get me is a pegasus. I trotted over into the treehouse library thing and grabbed the tujihancer. It looked like a cannon used in the Civil Rights Pony War. I aimed it at the sky, and blew into the other end. The tujihancer magnifies a breath 10000 times. I cleared the sky in no time, just to see the clouds come back. I became frustrated, and galloped back into the library, and grabbed a helium can. I plugged that into the tujihancer, and let it rip. Unfortunatley, the winds were so strong, that about 70 trees, with animals and all, were whisked away with it. Ohhh, Fluttershy's gonna be mad.

I flew back to my sky mansion. I was meaning to sell it for profit. I've saved enough to buy Cloudsdale. Then it hit me. If it was a plastic stereo, how did it knock me out? I heared my wub wubz again. *Sigh* I moved to the left, and the stereo missed me, just to be hit by another stereo playing Nyan Pony.

LAWL, no.
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How to Get Rainbow Dash to Rage

LAWL, no.

I was resting on a cloud, looking up at the rainbow liquid fall thing, and thinking about Nyan Pony. I couldn't get that out of my head! All I can think about now is, "Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan," like seriously. I tried to think of something different, "Double rainbow all the way 'cross the sky, yeah yeah, so intense." It didn't work.

I stood up, and pushed open the door to my mansion. I looked around, nothing seemed wrong, except for a broken vase with bits spilling out of it. I picked up the bits, it read around the circumference, "14 A.D. printed bits," and a note on the side said, "Worth about 1/128th of a bit now." I wondered how it got in here. Well, atleast I got my mind of Nyan Pony. AWWWW!! I just thought of it! "Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan."

I flew through the cloud ceiling into my room. It was littered with pictures of the Wonderbolts and my first drawing of me as a Wonderbolt. There was even a picture of me saving Spitfire, Soarin, and that other stallion from falling to their doom. To the left of that was a picture of me hanging in a solid gold frame. I took a second to stare at it, and nearly fainted when I saw the moustache drawn under my snout. "What? Only stallions grow mustaches!" I took the picture frame from its resting place on the wall, and pulled the flimsy peice of cardstock out of the frame. I almost teared it up and threw it away, when I thought, "I could get this tested, and get a hoofprint, or a pen mark!"

I opened the door, and trotted out onto the ledge porch thing. I saw 18 plastic stereos all playing Nyan Pony flying at me. "Lawl, no," I kicked each and every one of them to peices. I saw where they were coming from this time. I flew like a bullet straight over to the clouds where now I see that 20 catapults are perched, tied to a balloon on the bottom. I broke all of them. Though I didn't see any pegasi operating them. I looked, and stared, at nothing. Then, I saw that the cloud moved a little. "I gotcha now!" I cleared away all the clouds, to reveal 5 pegasi. They all flew away, "Not fast enough!" I caught up to one of them, all I needed. I hoofed his face, and kicked his stomach. He flipped over, and fell to earth. "Dangit!" He probably died, but then again, he was trying to kill me.

I flew over, and heard VinylX. This, was acutally coming from Vinyl's house. Something seemed suspicious though. The music sounded just like the one I heard earlier today. I immediantly jumped to a conclusion, and I flew faster than sound down to her house. I hit her house, and an explosion just like the time I broke Applejack's old farm occured. Vinyl was blown clear out. She landed somewhere in Sweet Apple Acres. I flew over to there in a split second. "What the heck, Rainbow Dash?!" she shouted at me like she wanted me dead, which she probably did.

A few minutes later, she was tied up in my mansion, with a special powder to keep her afloat, and pointed a lamp at her face. Classic interragation. "Are you trying to annoy me?" She shook her head. "Give me some info then, SCRATCHY!" I said her name such that I hated it. She started mumbleing. "Oh for Discord's Sake!" I ripped off the duct tape over her mouse. The first reaction I got was an, "AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" as she yelled, and some of her snout coat part was teared off with it. She took four deep breathes, and began explaining, "Well, uhh, hmm, maybe, uhh, hmm, what am I here for again?" I facehooved. "I believed that you are trying to annoy me laregly." As soon as Scratchy heard that, she shot me with a shot from her horn. It burned, and I was sent backwards, through the clouds. I didn't go far, not far enough for me not to fly back in less than half a second. "No, I am not trying to annoy you Rainbow Dash, honest!" I squinted my eyes, and rubbed my snout. "Oh yeah? Vinyl? Then what do you call this! I pulled out a round, red and white striped object from below the table. "I call it a Heart's Warming tangerine fruit, T.R.O.L.L brand," she grabbed it with her magic, and peeled it, and ate it.

I threw her out the window of my mansion, chair and tied and all. She would be safe, probably land on a cloud, which I made sure of. Not her. A stereo hit me in the back of my head. This one wasn't playing any music. I landed flat faced in the soft cloud, so it didn't hurt. I looked at the stereo, and saw the the volume was off. I turned it up a litte, and a litte more, and pressed replay, "Hello Rainbow Dash, I want to see you rage!" I played that again, and confirmed what I heard. Someone wants to see me rage, well they were doing it all wrong. I couldn't confirm who the voice belonged to, heck, they probably changed their voice in the tuning. I kicked over the stereo, and three letters were on the back, written in green ink, "Property of F.T.F."

I began a new mission, find out who F.T.F is. This, is going to end, now!

Rage Point
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How to Get Rainbow Dash to Rage

Rage Point

It was just another ordinary day, and nothing had happened in the past few hours. I flew around, throwing rocks at unsuspecting bunnies, frogs, or Scootaloo. It was getting boring. I had cleared the sky of all clouds for Celestia's visit. She would be here in a couple hours. I found a large rock, as big as my hoof, and chucked it at Scootaloo. She was in mid-air, and it hit her scooter, which broke, and she fell to the ground, and hit her face against a random brick wall. My first thought was, "Man, am I strong!" and my second was, "Why is there a brick wall here not attached to any building?"

I flew over to the brick wall, and touched it. Suddenly, I couldn't see the sun anymore, and a large amount of clouds floated over us. I flew up, grumbled about my life, and cleared it away again. I went back to inspecting the wall. I touched it again, and the clouds reappeared. I kicked over the wall, hurting my hoof while at it, and the bricks landed on an unconcious Scootaloo. "Sorry, Scoots!" I flew up, and once again, cleared the clouds. Scootaloo moved in her sleep, and the clouds reappeared. I was beginning to get frustrated.

After an hour of clearing clouds, I galloped over to the swimming hoe, as my wings were too tired, and layed out a towel. I lie there, and slept.

A couple hours past, until something hit me, something big, and it was playing Nyan Pony, "Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan."

'UGH! What can a girl do to get some sleep!?" I stomped off, to a more private place, somewhere where I only knew about. I made sure that no one was following me, and took off. I came to the small space I had caved out in the tree of the library. I had filled it with books, mainly Daring Do, others about wing care and special preening. I had also placed a bed on the small wood space that was sticking out. I lay down, and tried to sleep, but some Nyan Pony was playing. I got more frustrated.

I broke a hole in the roof of the house, coiencidentally right over Twilight, knocking her out from falling debris. I dropped down, finding that she was playing Nyan Pony, "Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan."

Something wasn't right. The Twilight that I seemingly knocked out was made of plastic, and the Scootaloo that was shifting on the ground was a chicken. "Wha?" I get how Scootaloo is a chicken an all, but this was beginning to be a little scary. I flew up to my mansion thing, hurting my already sore wings a little more. I almost got there, but was stopped by this invisible shield. I punched it with my hoof, and a resonance of sound echoed through the land. I planted my face against it, and could faintly see an alicorn on the other side. I was fairly sure that this was the person trying to annoy me.

I went back down, and cleared some clouds, which came back, which also frustrated me more. In a scale from one through ten, my frustration was at 8.4. I was hungry. I grabbed a sandwhich from my sack, and tried to take a bite, but the sandwhich just flew away from me, and exploded. That's it.

"WHOEVER IS OUT THERE, GET OVER HERE NOW SO I CAN KICK YOUR ASH. YOU HEARD ME, GET OVER HERE BEFORE I GO ALL RAGE FACE AND BLOW UP EQUESTRIA! YOU BETTER SHOW YOURSELF IN THE NEXT 10 SECONDS OR YOUR GOING TO BE IN FOR IT. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0! OK THAT'S IT!" I flew a ways back, and charged straight at the barrier. I had just realized that my ways back was all the way across the dome. I could feel the sound barrier braking, and boom, a sonic rainboom occured once again, and I Saxton Haled the barrier, and it broke like a million peices of glass.

That was the last thing I saw.

Trawlled
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How to Get Rainbow Dash to Rage

Trawlled

About 1080 stereos fell on me from the top of the dome. It crushed me, badly. "What the?!" I yelled out. All playing Nyan Pony, "Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan."

This was major animosity. I get trying to crush somone, but with something playing Nyan Pony? That was a new face of a murderer. I dug myself out of the carnage. The Ponyville that I loved and cared for, was about 200 yards to my left. It turns out, that the Ponyville I was in now was plastic. "I get playing this kind of prank, whoever you are, but this is a crime to the enviroment!" I jumped up, and tornadoed up all the stereos, and sent them all flying due south.

I watched the stereos fly far. Some of them were stopped, and they dropped, and something stranger, was that I saw a pony falling with it. I flew over at lightning speed, and found a pink alicorn with lavender and pink mane. "Cadence?" I gaped at her. I bowed at her hooves, and begged her forgivness, "please, it was an accident, PLEASE!" She stood up, and looked down at me, then smiled. "Its fine, I guess we're even!"

Even? Then It dawned on me. "YOU! I SHOULDN'T BE SORRY AT ALL! YOU WENT THROUGH ALL THIS, JUST TO ANNOY ME? I SHOULD BEAT YOU RIGHT WHERE YOU STAND, but your lucky that your Twilight's brother's wife." Cadence just laughed, "That was payback for getting tomatoes in my face when you did the sonic rainboom at the wedding! YOU JUST GOT TRAWLLED AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" She teleported away.

I layed down, and cried, but not in pain, or anger, or sadness, but tears of joy because Cadence is just as cool as me, and I got a new friend to hang out with all day, playing pranks on everyone! "YUSSSSSSS! FINALLLYY!!! SOMONE BESIDES PINKIE!!!!!!"

I flew over to the real Ponyville, and everyone seemed happy to see me. "Whare yu ben Dash?" Applejack trotted up besides me. I smiled, and told everyone in the real Ponyville everything that happened.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned not to rage for someone's pleasure.

-Rainbow Dash

Author's Note

Another short finished. :D