P.A.T.A. Ponies Against Twilight the Alicorn

by Ficta_Scriptor

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 5373

Twilight's Princess Coronation has gone without a hitch, but it seems not everypony is too happy about that fact... Cue the radical new group, P.A.T.A. [[ NOT a Twilicorn hate fic! ]]

Twilight's Princess Coronation has gone without a hitch, the young unicorn turned alicorn finally achieving her destiny. But it seems not everypony is too happy about that fact... Cue the radical new group, P.A.T.A. Can Celestia bring order back to Equestria?

This is meant as satire, and is NOT a Twilicorn hate fic.

Published 2013-02-02 09:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-19 22:20:37 UTC

Chapter 2 - The worst night ever!

[A/N] At the link, open in a new tab and wait for the music to begin before you continue to read. This is for optimum enjoyment!

Chapter 2 – The Worst Night Ever!

Two weeks later

Princess Celestia approached the general of the Royal Guard, her loyal subject saluting as she stepped forward. “What is the situation?”

“Unfortunately, our attempts to remove the protesters have been unsuccessful,” the general answered nervously. “Tear gas was initially effective but it seems most of them have now built up an immunity. P.A.T.A. has grown too large for the Royal Guard to control. We may have to consider the use of rubber nuclear weapons.”

“That won’t be necessary,” Celestia said firmly. “We must discuss other options before resorting to such tactics. These are not terrorists we are dealing with.”

The general rubbed the back of his neck anxiously, gazing off into the distance. “There’s always the option of giving into their demands. We do not negotiate with terrorists, but like you said, they’re not terrorists. Perhaps it is something you should think about.”

“That is not an option, general!” Celestia said, a hint of anger in her voice. “The plans have been made and we are to stick with them.”

“But Princess! Their numbers are increasing, and they’re showing no signs of giving up! They’re singing songs about it, day and night!”

Outside the Royal Complex, a group of six mares trotted their way up to the crowd of protesters, ready with their tents to pitch and their lives to devote. They looked in awe at the sight before them, their smiles widening with anticipation.

“I can't believe we're finally here. With all that we’ve endured, we can surely right all the wrongs of the worst night ever!

“At the protest!”

“At the protest!”

“At the protest, in the courtyard, I shall convert them all! All the ponies, I’ll befriend them at the protest!”

“At the protest!”

“All the haters, and the purists, they’ll love me and that’s not all! I’ll coerce all the naysayers, right here at the protest!”

“Celestia’s dreams will be crushed! Right here at the protest! At the protest!”

“At the protest…”

“It’s hell-raising!”

“I will sell them…”

“We’re all ticked off!”

“Princess Twilight poster sheets!”

“Awful, awful!”

“Angry ponies…”

“Hand them over!”

“They will burn them…”

“We will burn them!”

“Throw the ashes in the streets!”

“Gimme matches!”

“And I’ll waste a lot of money, despite my hard-pressed family!”

“All our gripes and our gropes, we’ll gladly hate the Princess! The things we want will all come true, right here at the protest! At the protest!”

“At the protest, to the readers… I’ll introduce my new OC! They will witness my creation at the protest…”

“At the protest!”

“I will ship him, with dear Twilight, a unicorn she has to be! And they’ll add me to their favourites, tonight at the protest!”

“We are here to change the world thanks to the worst night ever! Each of us will voice our hate, tonight at the protest! At the protest!”

Suddenly, a band of trumpet players zoomed through the skies.

“Been hating, been complaining, about our favourite ponies. It makes me cringe and makes me sick; Celestia can eat my brick. Our numbers near ten thousand. Vegeta would be proud, then…

“I’m gonna make some changes right here at the protest!”

“Dreams are bursting at the seams! No happy ever after! Twilight can’t outlive her friends, right here at this great protest! At the protest!”

“I’m here at this great protest, bouncing with unbridled glee! But the one thing that we’re missing is a violent shooting spree! Alicorns are overpowered, all the ponies will agree…

“Ponies killing! Ponies dying! With me at this great protest!”

“Bitterness and turmoil at the protest! At the protest!”

“At the protest…”

“At the protest!”

“At the princess…”

“At the princess!”

“I’ll throw a hive of angry bees!”

“Angry bees!”

“I will tell her that she’s twisted and proclaim she is diseased!”

“She’s diseased!”

“It is going to be so crazy, as the will of these ponies is set free!”

“We can’t forgive the worst night ever!

“Into the protest, copulate! If need be we’ll repopulate!

“Into the protest, let’s head on, we had the worst night ever!

“Into the protest, this is war! We’re tearing down the palace door!”

“Into the protest, set things straight!”

“Into the protest, burn some posters!”

“Into the protest, write my fic!”

“Prove they’re wrong, to be making changes!”

“To shout!”

“To burn!”

“To ship!”

“To yearn!”

“To shoot!”

“To throw!”

“Into the protest! Into the protest! Because we had the worst night ever!

“At the protest!”

The general shook his head glumly. “You see what I mean? This has gotten out of hoof. Even though the song is kind of catchy.”

Princess Celestia sighed and brought out a leaf of parchment with her magic. “I’ll write a letter to Twilight. I think we can fix this once and for all…”

Author's Note

In the next chapter, as members of the press swarm Twilight's library, a rookie reporter gains a new friend ready to share with him 'The Art of The Press'.

Chapter 3 - The art of the press!

[A/N] Once again, as you reach the link, open it up into another tab on low volume and wait for the music to begin before continuing for optimum enjoyment!

Chapter 3 – The Art of The Press!

“What’s it like out there, Spike?”

“We’re still surrounded,” the dragon said glumly, peering from the letterbox. “If it makes you feel any better, you’re not getting as much hate-mail. Either everypony has stopped caring, or they’re running out of blood to write the letters with.”

Twilight slumped onto the library floor and groaned. “I might have expected some kind of backlash, but this is beyond ridiculous. Who are they to say that I shouldn’t be a princess!?”

“Maybe you should make some kind of statement to the world. Do an interview telling your side of—”

Spike was cut off as one of the windows was smashed to pieces, a sign-wielding protester trying to push his way into the library.

“We’re gonna get you, you overpowered witch!” he screamed, hurling a brick towards Twilight and smashing a china vase. “Becoming immortal? Not on my watch!”

Acting quickly, Twilight levitated some wooden panels over the broken window while Spike hopped up to hammer them in place. It had practically become a routine at this point.

“You were saying, Spike?”

“What I’m saying is that you should speak to the press and tell your side of the story. If everypony knew how you felt about this, and how much these protests have hurt you, they’d have to let up!”

Outside the library, a young earth pony stallion in a denim jacket was taking photographs of the ensuing riot as hundreds of ponies tried to break through Twilight’s shield spell with anything they could grab hold of. He paused, taking the pencil from behind his ear and jotting a series of notes down. As he was doing this, he was approached by a sand-coloured pegasus mare with an auburn mane.

“You must be new on the reporting scene,” she commented with a sly smile.

“Y-yes,” he replied nervously. “I’ve only been a member of the press for a week now. What gave me away?”

“Just a few things,” she responded, flicking back her mane and extending a hoof. “The name’s Tabloid. I’ve been a reporter for almost 3 years now.”

“Broadsheet, pleased to meet you.” The stallion smiled and shook the mare’s hoof.

“I notice you’re taking a back-seat to the action. Any reason for that?”

“Well, I’m just finishing up with a report about the protest. So long as I have my pictures, some notes about what’s been happening here and some background information on Twilight Sparkle, I’ll have enough for my article.”

Tabloid shook her head. “Oh, to be a rookie again,” she said with a chuckle. “You’ve got a lot to learn, Broadsheet. But don’t worry, I’ll show you the ropes, maybe even take you under my wing.” The pegasus draped her left wing over the stallion’s back and gestured towards the crowd.

“You’d really do that?” he asked excitedly. “It’d be great to get some tips from a veteran reporter.”

“Please, call me Tabloid. And you could say I’ll be teaching you the art of the press…”

“Word by word, piecing it together! Lie by lie, inventing a new story bit by bit,
Make surveys up to serve your mission, that’ll help your story get more hits,
You can scupper facts in lieu of rumours, say she’s got a kidney full of tumours,
I’m writing for the… press!

“Hour by hour, waiting for a picture! Up the skirt, don’t care that her pride has just been hurt,
If you want your readers in a bind, simply get a shot of bare behind,
Say that she’s let her standards drop, even if you’ve stalked her non-stop,
Taking pictures for the… press!

“Photoshop is crucial, for celebrities on the brink,
Change their face, it’s easy! Just alter those clothes,
Do you think she looks sleazy?

“Something cruel, perhaps quite ruthless. For a ride? We’ll let the public decide,
Scrutinise every quote you find, say science proves intelligent design,
Claim to be the voice of reason, even if you’re bordering on treason,
Reporting for the… press!

“Jab by jab, shameful clip,
Money woes, double dip,
Page by page, Lance confessed,
Ruin lives, make them stressed,
And that’s the art of the press!”

“I’m not sure what you’re getting at,” commented Broadsheet, making some more notes. “I’d prefer some more explanation, if that’s OK.”

Tabloid nodded sagely.

“Piece by piece, putting it together. Deadline looms, you could always instigate a fight,
Try and catch them when their clothes look dirty, follow them when they go out at night,
You can hack their phones and read their emails, make offensive jibes about their height,
I’m telling you, my endeavours!”

Broadsheet furrowed his brow. “So… you’re saying we should be cold and heartless?”

“That’s a harsh way of putting it. In a way, we’re doing this for the public. What matters more? A few angry celebrities or a thousand happy readers?”

“Maybe you’re right! Let’s do it!””

“You can’t cower, scour the range,
Celebs are merely prey now, act deranged.
You must forget old words like ‘nice’ and ‘kind’, with drugs celebs are practically inclined,
We rejoice when famous ponies die, dollar signs still spinning in our eyes!

“Reporting is easy, just don’t care at all,
Heckle men who’ve lost their vision,
You could even camp beside a motorway collision.”

Broadsheet rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “I’m not sure if I’m up to this. It sounds like a lot of dangerous work.”

“You’d be surprised how much us reporters can get away with,” Tabloid noted with a sigh. “It doesn’t matter if your outrageous claims get disproven within a day or two; ponies tend to forget things pretty quickly. Once a news story blows over, the public will just start caring about the next big news story.”

“Even when it comes to massacres and global disasters?”

“Those things are a goldmine for us reporters! And when it comes to the public, if it’s not in their own country, most ponies couldn’t give a boar’s rear. After a day or two, their guilt complex wears off completely. Do you remember the mass slaughter of south-east Zebrica a few months ago?”

Broadsheet tried racking his brains. “Well, not anything specific…”

“Exactly! What’s wrong with printing incorrect details if nopony remembers them?”

“And you’re sure this isn’t… wrong?”

Tabloid sniggered. “Hey, we’re reporters. Not philanthropists.”

“So we print our facts based on decision?”
“It doesn’t matter if you don’t know.”
“We could get inside if we had clearance!”
“Don’t you waste your time with law adherence.”
“We can’t get the blame if we misjudge it.”
“Just break down the door if we can budge it.
“Witness the birth of a news creation, as we spread lies about our nation!

“Jab by jab, shameful clip,
Money woes, double dip,
Page by page, Lance confessed,
Ruin lives, make them stressed,
And that’s the art of the press!”

Twilight shot Spike an annoyed look. “You seriously think I should go to the press? After a song like that!?”

The purple dragon laughed nervously, sweeping up the broken vase with a dustpan and brush. “OK, so maybe that’s not the best course of action. So what should we—”

Spike involuntarily drew in a breath, burping a short, green flame as a sealed letter flew out, landing at Twilight’s hooves. She unravelled it, quickly scanning through the contents. Once she’d finished, she put it aside, her previous grumpy demeanour replaced by a conniving grin.

“Who was that?” Spike asked.

“It was from Princess Celestia. We’re going to Canterlot, Spike, to end this once and for all!”

Finale - Everything is going to be just fine

Finale – Everything is Going to be Just Fine

Twilight flew to Canterlot as fast as she could manage, with her ever loyal assistant clinging to her back. Despite having to deter pursuing pegasi with a smoke screen spell, the two made it safely to Celestia’s palace through a secret entrance on the underside of Canterlot city.

As the alicorn swerved her way around the secret passages, she eventually saw a bright light, signalling that she was just below the main hall. She sped up, bursting through a vent in the hall’s floor to see Celestia waiting for her.

“Twilight, I’m glad you’re here. Finally, we can put an end to this.”

The lavender alicorn nodded, dropping Spike from her back and readying herself. “I believe that the citizens of Canterlot will listen to me if I tell them how I feel.”

Celestia smiled nervously, her eyes glancing at something — or somepony — at the opposite side of the room. Twilight turned to where her mentor was looking and saw… herself. Walking towards her was somepony who looked exactly like her, except for one detail. This pony was a unicorn.

“Princess Celestia, I don’t understand!” Twilight wailed.

“There’s been a change of plan,” The Princess of the Sun declared. “I knew that you might be against it, but alas, this is for the greater good.”

“Hello!” the unicorn greeted in Twilight’s exact voice. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Princess Twilight. I’m your biggest fan!”

“Who are you?” Twilight asked.

“This is Changelina, one of my changeling associates. She’s studied you for many years, learning your behaviours, your mannerisms and your spells. While she’s not quite as adept with magic as you are, she is still reasonably strong.”

“But Princess! Why do we need her? What’s going on?”

Celestia’s smile turned into a more serious expression. “Your recent coronation has not only resulted in city-wide riots and heinous acts of vandalism. More importantly, the EDP has been adjusted down by 2.9% in just the past week. There simply hasn’t been anything like it in recorded history.

“You see, Twilight, Equestria needs economic growth to survive. Think of the various provinces that Equestria associates itself with as hubs. Each of these hubs in turn needs to keep economic harmony throughout the world. So this network of hubs — a ‘Hub Network’ if you wish to call it that — has been distorted by your recent ascension. Our benefactors have insisted on a decision which we — the ‘Hub Network’ if should so call us that — need to comply with. Money makes the world go round, Twilight. Changes need to be made.”

“But you said it was my destiny to be a Princess!” Twilight cried.

“Indeed it is, and so you shall continue to be. It’s handy to have another immortal around to rule Equestria if something went wrong. However, as far as the public is concerned, your Princess-hood is something that must be cast out. So my solution is simple. Changelina will announce herself as the ‘new’ Twilight, and everypony will be told that you’ve been turned into a unicorn again. As for you, you shall still be a Princess, but you shall work from behind the scenes. Perhaps once Changelina dies you can reveal yourself to the public, but that is yet to be decided.”

“How can you do this!?” Twilight screamed. “This shouldn’t be my destiny! You can’t lie to everypony!”

“How did you think this country was run? Dearest Twilight, you have so much to learn about this world. You see, the draconequus was right. Pony-kind’s judgemental nature will inevitably lead to annihilation. So in order to save this planet, I had to trick it. With the greatest practical joke in equine history.”

“Fooling millions!”

“To make billions. A necessary crime.” Celestia charged her horn, forming an impenetrable barrier around Twilight and Spike with her magic. “I will give you some time to think about what’s best for the good of this world. Changelina?”

“Yes Princess?” the changeling asked.

“We have some preparations to make before your big speech.”

The unicorn Twilight smiled at her ‘mentor’, following her through to the next room. As the door slammed shut, Twilight tried desperately to break free from her magical binds, charging her horn and trying to blast her way out. However, all attempts were futile, as Celestia’s spell had somehow sapped her magical abilities.

“It is a shame that it has come to this,” came a voice from the shadows.

“Who’s there!?” Twilight called out, only for the figure to step forward and reveal herself as none other than Luna, the Princess of the Night. “Luna? You have to help me!”

“But Twilight, Celestia has left me here to ensure that you do not escape. Not that she needed to, however. For you to break free from her spell would be impossible.”

Twilight dropped her head, a tear rolling down her left cheek. Spike comforted her by clinging onto her neck and stroking through her mane. It did little to alleviate the sense of crushing defeat, however. “So it’s over?”

Luna took another step forward, a caring smile on her face. “Perhaps not.”

“What do you mean?”

“I too do not agree with Celestia’s decision. And yet, I do not agree with your decision either. I simply do not believe that the citizens of Equestria would listen to what you have to say. Their minds are made up, and I do not think that your words alone could possibly sway them.”

Twilight sighed deeply, another wave of disappointment coming over her. “So what could we possibly do?”

“We use both plans, Twilight,” Luna said matter-of-factly. “Perhaps in this one instance, two wrongs can indeed make a right.”

“But Princess, I have no idea what you’re—” Twilight stopped mid-sentence as the solution dawned on her. Slowly, a confident smile spread across her face. “I understand now. But Luna, I am going to need your help.”

In Celestia’s quarters, Changelina was rehearsing her speech, while Celestia ensured that her ‘student’ knew all the information about Twilight’s life that she needed. The changeling was adept in every subject, further convincing the Princess of the Sun that everything was going to be just fine.

“Delivery for Princess Celestia at the rear entrance!” called a stallion from behind the door.

“It’ll have to wait,” Celestia replied. “I am busy with very important matters.”

“But Princess, it’s a shipment of king bananas sent from the chancellor of Zebrica. According to the courier, these bananas have the widest girth of any bananas known to pony-kind!”

Celestia paused for a moment, furrowing her brow. “Wait here, Changelina. I will only be five minutes or so.” The Princess of the Sun sped off, giving a quick nod to the one-winged pegasus saluting her.

Cloaked by magic, Luna and Twilight stepped forward to reveal themselves once Celestia left the hallway.

“Thank you so much, Silverwing!” Luna exclaimed, hugging the one-winged stallion. “I knew that I could count on you! Why, you’re the greatest self-insert shipping OC in the entire world!”

The extremely handsome, well-natured, unrealistically seductive stallion with an appropriately tragic back-story, questionable erotic tendencies and penchant for staring wistfully into the night sky blushed, giving Luna a passionate kiss.

Meanwhile, Twilight burst into Celestia’s room, confronting her body-double. The changeling gasped, backing herself against the wall.

“Don’t worry, Changelina,” Twilight said in a soothing voice. “Everything is going to be just fine.”

Outside the palace, many of the protesters were huddled together as the night air grew colder, shovelling piles of alicorn Twilight fan fiction onto the fires. Many of them had not eaten properly in days, but they knew deep in their hearts that it was better to suffer needlessly than to calm down over a pony getting wings.

Slowly, the palace doors began to open, and the ponies got to their hooves, ready to pelt Princess Celestia with whatever objects they could find. As they began to shout angrily, their taunts died down in a few moments as out stepped Twilight. And next to her, stood… Twilight?

A series of murmurs began as both an alicorn and unicorn stood atop the steps, smiling to the crowds. In unison, the two ponies waved a hoof, the crowd falling silent. The alicorn stepped forward.

“Ponies of Equestria! You all know me as Twilight Sparkle. I am aware that my recent ascension has upset many of you. You believe that this is the wrong decision. You have put forward your opinions that you wish for me to stay as a unicorn, and for everything to remain as it was.

“There have also been some who have berated you all. They have called you selfish, called you whiners. And yet, I realise now you were all wrong.”

The crowd began murmuring in confusion at this perplexing statement, but Twilight quickly hushed them.

“If a world cannot decide whether I should be a Princess or a student, a unicorn or alicorn, then I ask this simple question. Why can’t we have both?”

The unicorn Twilight stepped forward to the crowd. “Hello everypony. I’m Twilight Sparkle.”

“This changeling will take my previous place at Ponyville library, and will do as I would have done if I had not been crowned a Princess. She has been taught to act like me in every single way. I will reside in Canterlot and see to my royal duties. If you do not approve of what I have become, all you need to do is treat this Twilight as you would treat me. I assure you, she is like me down to every last detail.”

A young stallion stepped closer to the ‘unicorn’ Twilight. “She’s right! Even the curvature of her flank is impeccable!” he called out, licking his lips.

“Okay…” the ‘unicorn’ replied awkwardly, prompting a string of laughter and cheers from the crowd.

“She’s just like the old Twilight!” cried a young mare.

Twilight smiled, placing a hoof on the ‘unicorn’. “I hope you will all treat her well. She deserves a chance to fulfil her role, just as I deserve a chance to fulfil mine. Whichever one of us makes you happy, that shall be the ‘real’ Twilight Sparkle.”

Many of the crowd began to tear up, wiping at their eyes before the protest leader stepped forward, bowing to the two ponies. “I hereby pledge allegiance to Twilight and Princess Twilight!”

Row by row, the crowd began to bow with acceptance, some of them sobbing with joy and embracing one another. As they rose again, this was replaced by a deafening cheer. The previously enraged ponies clapped their hooves together and squealed with glee.

“I’ve got it!” cried a young stallion from the front. “I should write a Twilight X Princess Twilight clop-fic! It’ll be just like The Princess and The Pauper, but sexier!”

“We should all write Twilight X Princess Twilight fan fiction!” cried a young mare. “For the good of Equestria!”

“For Equestria!” the crowd bellowed.

Twilight smiled to her changeling twin. “This is where we say goodbye.”

“Goodbye, Twilight Sparkle. It’s been an honour.”

Celestia watched in awe as the protesters dissipated, smiles plastered on all their faces. Behind her, a familiar purple alicorn approached, standing beside her on the balcony.

“I’m ever proud of you, Twilight,” said the Princess of the Sun.

“Thank you, Princess.”

Celestia chuckled to herself and gave a knowing look. “I wasn’t talking to you.”

Far below, a young unicorn walked through the streets of Canterlot with her draconian assistant. She paused for a moment, tensing her back as she tried to flex muscles that were no longer there.

“Are you sure about this?” Spike asked. “I think Celestia will figure it out at some point.”

Twilight smiled at her friend, breathing a sigh of relief. “Of course I’m sure. Like I said, everything is going to be just fine.”

Author's Note

All this time, Biker_Dash was helping me replicate his OC, unaware of how I planned to use it... (OK, that's enough Watchmen references for one day)

Thank you my fellow readers! I hope you've enjoyed this silly little story. Did you like it? Well there are plenty more fics where that came from!

After some more crazed comedy? Have a read of 'And Make it Snappy!'
How about my take on a spoof brony documentary? Try 'Brass Pony: Cloppers'
After some romance? How about 'Pinkie The Match-Maker'?
Or perhaps you want something with depth and detailed characterization. There's always 'Legacy: The End of Harmony'

And remember, there shall be many more fics to come. ;)

Chapter 1 - I didn't predict a riot!

Chapter 1 – I didn’t predict a riot!

“A most excellent ceremony, if I do say so myself,” the chancellor of Appleoosa cried heartily as he gulped down a chalice-full of cognac. “It’s a once in a lifetime thing, you know? Maybe not for you… But still, huzzah!”

He raised his glass into the air and was met with a string of huzzahs from across the ballroom.

“Thank you chancellor,” Princess Celestia said with a warm smile. “This will surely go down in history as an important event for all of Equestria for many centuries to come.”

“Here, here!” bellowed the obviously intoxicated stallion, raising his glass once again. “To Twilight Sparkle, future ruler of the Equestrian province!”

As he chugged down yet another drink, the door to the ballroom suddenly slammed open revealing a distressed-looking Princess of the night. “Sister!” she called, hurrying to Celestia’s side.

“What is it?”

“Sister, we may have a problem.”

“Oh no, is it Twilight?” Celestia asked worriedly. “Did the transformation have any side-effects?”

“Twilight is absolutely fine. It’s Canterlot that’s in trouble.”

Celestia raised an eyebrow, a biting anxiety prodding at her mind. “Show me, Luna. I’m sure we can sort this out.”

The two sisters paced side-by-side through the marble hallways of the Royal Complex, the sounds of cries and cheers becoming louder and louder. Eventually, they reached the entrance, unbolting the massive doors with their magic. As they did so, the cries became almost deafening.

Surrounding the complex was a crowd of angry protesters, their expressions becoming enraged as Celestia stepped out to face them. It was the biggest protest she’d witnessed since the introduction of ‘New Cake’. Ponies stretched out past the courtyard, their numbers appearing to grow as passers-by wandered up out of curiosity, eventually joining the fray.

“What do we want?” a middle-aged stallion hollered through a megaphone.

“For Twilight to be turned back into a unicorn again!” the crowd called back.

“When do we want it?”

“Now!”

“See what I mean, sister?” Luna said irritably, shaking her head with despair at this debacle.

Several members of the Royal Guard kept many of them at bay, forming a semi-circle around the building and holding their spears out to anypony brave enough — or stupid enough — to attempt breaking through.

Many of the ponies carried signs and billboards, most of them reading: ‘DOWN WITH WINGS’, ‘I’M LEAVING THE KINGDOM’ and ‘BUCK THE FORESHADOWING’. Most of them were accompanied by a picture of the newly transformed Twilight with the wings crudely scribbled out with crayon.

Princess Celestia sighed and drew in a lungful of air. “Quiet!” she ordered, extending the reach of her voice with an enhancement spell. “What is the meaning of this? Why are you here?”

The crowd began to fall silent, many of them stepping back to allow the stallion with the megaphone to approach the marble steps leading up to the Princesses. “We are here to right your wrongs!”

“What wrongs do you speak of?”

“We’re here to protest against the atrocity of yesterday’s Princess Coronation!”

The crowd burst into uproar again, stomping their hooves and cheering. A lone tomato was thrown from a member of the crowd, narrowly missing Celestia’s head and plastering the stone steps with a deep red.

“In what way was the coronation an atrocity?” the Princess shouted back. “Your lives will still be the same! Twilight is not supplanting me or indeed my sister, Luna. No laws will be changed. Everything will carry on as usual.”

“Until she has to move back to Canterlot!” a young mare hissed. “One day she’s going to move back to Canterlot and forget all about her friends!” Her statement was met with a cacophony of whoops and agreement.

“And what about her being an alicorn now?” another mare piped up. “She’ll live on for thousands of years while her friends all die of old age! Don’t try and tell us that this is some kind of lesson about the magic of friendship! Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy…” A string quartet popped up, seemingly out of nowhere and began playing a sad, sombre musical piece. “Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Big Mac, and all the rest. She’ll have to watch them wither away. And their children. And their children’s children… It would be the most tragic thing to happen since Resident Pony 6!”

The mare’s bitter statement was met with a chorus of sobbing as ponies — young and old — embraced each other to the sounds of the depressing symphony.

“That may be true, but for my sister and I this is also the case. We too have had to bear this strain for the good of the country. I am certain Twilight will be up to this.”

“But what about her powers!?” an elderly stallion cried. “Now she’s totally OP! Why, this morning I saw her turn all the water in the ocean into Pepto Abysmal! Sure, I may have one glass eye, a cataract on the other and a history of mental illness, severe delusion and hallucinations, but I saw it I tell you!”

“And what about me!?” screamed a furious young mare, holding up a leather-bound book. “I’ve spent the past two years writing this epic Braeburn X Twilight ship-fic, and now it won’t be canon! It won’t be canon at all!”

She tore a bunch of pages away with her mouth and began to chew them defiantly, her outburst garnering another barrage of cheers and chanting. Celestia found herself lost for words as the angry mob began yelling hateful slurs aimed at her.

“We won’t leave here until you give in to our demands!” the stallion with the megaphone called out.

“What do we want?”

“For Twilight to be turned back into a unicorn again!”

“When do we want it?”

“Now!”

As the crowd became more unstable and several projectiles were hurled towards the two sisters, they retreated to safety, bolting the doors and casting a spell to prevent them from battering it down.

“So you see what our problem is?” asked Luna, a disgruntled expression on her face. “This will be difficult to take care of.”

“I can see that,” replied a concerned Celestia.

“So, what will you do, dear sister? We can’t give into their demands.”

“Of course. I think we should leave this be for a few days. Hopefully, this will all blow over in good time.”