Poisonous Joke

by Exilo

Rating: mature
Tags: Princess Luna, Comedy, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Main 6
Length: 6512

It is All Thanks Day in Canterlot, and the Bearers of Harmony are invited to the Royal Palace for a banquet in their honor. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie have a plan to prank the Princess. An innocent prank that goes horribly wrong.

It is All Thanks Day in Canterlot, and the Bearers of Harmony are invited to the Royal Palace for a banquet in their honor. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie have a plan. They're going to prank Princess Celestia. Maybe her tongue will inflate to double its size, or maybe her horn will go limp, or maybe her fur will turn purple with yellow polkadots. Princess Celestia is always up for a good prank, right? And nothing could go wrong... right?

Published 2013-02-01 19:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-01 19:00:01 UTC

The Fun Has Been Doubled!!!

The Fun Has Been Doubled!!!

“You’re sure this is the right stuff, Pinkie? None of that Shrinking Violet stuff? Bleh.”

The pink pony nodded her head enthusiastically. “I’m sure of it. I even went to Zecora and everything. Told her I was going to prank AJ. I think she’s still a little sore about that whole lassoing her ear thing.”

Rainbow Dash groaned. “Pinkie, you weren’t supposed to tell anyone!”

“Well excuuuuse me! You wanted me to get the right stuff, didn’t ya? Didn’t ya? Huh? Huh?”

Rainbow Dash sighed, looking passively into the jar of blue leaves, all of which had been ground into a fine seasoning. “You know if we ever get caught, there’s going to be hell to pay, right? She’ll probably exile us to the moon or something.”

“If if if. Ifing is half the fun! Besides, Celestia is always up for a good laugh, right?”

XXX

Two weeks earlier, Spike had belched up a particularly royal looking scroll, right into Twilight Sparkle’s face. After a couple frowns and an apology, the purple pony opened the scroll and read it, and immediately let out a squeal of glee. Before Spike could ask what had happened, Twilight Sparkle was off, racing out the door.

“It’s an invitation to an All Thanks Day party Princess Celestia is throwing!” Twilight squealed.

Applejack only gave her a confused stare.

“All Thanks Day,” Twilight Sparkle said again, as if the orchard pony simply hadn’t heard. “You’ve never heard of All Thanks Day?”

Applejack gave a confused shake of the head, as she bucked her rear legs, slamming her hooves hard against the tree behind her. Twilight took a step back as a several apples rained down to the ground.

“All Thanks Day is a day when we all give thanks.”

“Uh… yeah. Kinda figured that, Sugarcube.”

“It’s a Canterlot holiday. Every year, close friends and family gather around a table for a great and wonderful feast. The friends and family all sit around the table, and turn to the pony to their right. They explain to that pony, why they are thankful to know them, why this past year has been better with them.” Twilight Sparkle sighed. “The invitation is for all of us: me, you, Rainbow, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rarity. Y-you’re going to come, right?”

Applejack smiled. “Course I am. Can’t pass up an invitation from the Princess of the Sun, now can I?”

The train ride to Canterlot was surprisingly tame. Pinkie Pie seemed distracted by something, constantly looking over her shoulder at a small suitcase she had insisted on bringing, despite the fact that they would no doubt be put up in a couple of royal suites, all their needs taken care of at the ring of a bell. Rarity was ecstatic about that.

When they arrived at the Canterlot train station, Princess Luna was there to meet them. She was wearing a plain brown cloak and hood over her strong build, inconspicuous enough that five of the six ponies didn’t immediately notice her. Oddly enough, it was Pinkie Pie who was first to recognize her, and leapt onto the dark mare’s back. Gripping her cheeks in her hooves, Pinkie Pie spent several moments tugging and pulling, insisting that Luna’s frown turn upside down, before purple magic embraced her, and Twilight yanked her off.

“I’m so sorry, Princess Luna,” Twilight said quickly, and took a respectful bow. Her five friends did the same, but Luna seemed more concerned with fixing her hood, and assuring no one else had noticed her.

“Still… a bit shy, huh?” Twilight attempted to smile, but Luna leaned close.

“I need to ask a favor of you, Twilight Sparkle.”

“Uhm… yes?”

Luna looked to the other five ponies. Fluttershy was terrified of Luna, and presently cowering several feet away. Applejack and Rarity were both trying to comfort her, while Rainbow Dash was showing an odd amount of concern for a piece of luggage. So much concern, in fact, she insisted Pinkie Pie help her. Luna assumed the blue Pegasus was just keeping the annoying one occupied.

“I want you and one of your friends to sit next to my sister at the banquet.” Twilight looked puzzled. Luna continued. “It is the first All Thanks Day since I have…returned and I do not know what to say to her, or if she has anything to say to me.”

“Princess Luna…”

“Please, Twilight Sparkle?”

Twilight nodded slowly.

“Thank you.”

And so, at the large banquette table, Celestia sat at one end of the table, and Princess Luna sat opposite her. Twilight Sparkle sat to Celestia’s right, while Applejack sat to her left. Rainbow Dash was beside Twilight and Rarity beside her. And then Luna, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and back to Applejack. They dined on fresh Waldorf salad and a hot Hay Soup. The chatter was brisk and friendly. Twilight, nervous as she usually was, went on and on about her studies and her spells and how far along she had come, and Celestia listened to every detail with a smile and occasional word of encouragement, which made Twilight’s little heart flutter. Luna sat there, awkwardly stirring her Hay Soup with a spoon, waiting for it to cool down, until Rarity began to talk to her. It seemed Rarity was going to start a line of clothing designed to be worn during the night. She had discovered a special gem stone that, when the rays of the moon hit it, it projected a stunning rainbow. She asked if Luna might arrange a Blue Moon for the night of the fashion show, and if she would be the guest of honor.

It was a pleasant dinner, whatever tension was felt soon yielding to something more colloquial. It was all wonderful, save the fact that Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie kept exchanging glances across the table. No one was sure why. The main course was pasta sprinkled with apples, cherries, nuts and herbs. The desert was a very royal looking cake: half vanilla and half chocolate, for Celestia and Luna respectively. Before they ate, however, Celestia decided it was time to give thanks.

“Why don’t you start, Twilight?” she said, looking down at the purple pony. Twilight Sparkle looked to Rainbow Dash, who propped her arm up on the table and her head in her hoof.

“Well Dashie… I’m not sure if you know this, but when I first came to Ponyville, I wasn’t exactly the social butterfly I am now. You were one of the first ponies that I met though, and never once has your loyalty faltered. I know, no matter what, you’ll always be there for me. I know you’ll always have my back, and be watching my flanks. And I never knew anypony could be like that, except for my brother. I didn’t ever realize what friendship could be. But… thank you for always being there for me.”

Rainbow Dash smiled, before looking to Rarity, and her grin became a bit crueler. “Hmm… Rarity… Well… what can I say about you… You’re haughty, vain, whiny, and absolutely terrified of getting your hooves even a little bit dirty. How I have managed to tolerate you this long is beyond me. Maybe because you’re also sweet, kind, and the most generous pony that I know. I’m not really into that frilly preppy stuff, but that dress you made me was something special. And I think I might have impressed the Wonderbolts with it. You’re always there to lend a strand of hair or a spare hoof. And, even though I can get on your nerves… I do know how much you bite your tongue…”

One by one, each pony turned to the friend on their left, and gave their thanks for all they have done in the prior year. Until, at last, it was Celestia’s turn, and she turned to Twilight Sparkle.

“Twilight,” she said. The purple pony looked up, eyes wide, lip quivering. Her entire body was shaking, but a kind wing from Celestia soothed the invisible chill. “You are the best student that an old war horse like me could ever hope for. You are intuitive and intelligent, and you have a natural gift for these arts, but unlike many who are skilled and so grow lazy, you keep working so hard. More important than talent, or skill, or a natural affinity, you never, ever give up. It is in you, Twilight, that I am able to put my faith, because should anything go wrong, I know you are there for Equestria, there for your friends, and there for me.”

Twilight Sparkle leapt forward suddenly, catching Celestia around the middle. The force of the smaller pony actually knocked the larger pony flat on her rump, and then her back. She was confused and vaguely frightened to be on her back like this, but soon felt Twilight Sparkle’s arm wrap around her neck, her face bury under her chin, and soft, warm tears wet her fur. Of course, when Twilight had leapt at the princess, everyone got out of their seat. Luna had actually leapt onto the table, horn sparking, prepared to defend her sister to the death, but Celestia waved them back with a hoof.

Several moments passed, with Twilight squeezing tighter and tighter to Celestia, until she at last managed to calm down. Celestia lifted Twilight into the air with her magic, and once more deposited her in her seat. Celestia smiled, stroking Twilight’s cheek with a hoof, before looking down at her cake and licking her lips. A giggle escaped Rainbow Dash, who gave a knowing glance to Pinkie Pie. Of course, no one found it odd when Pinkie Pie started to giggle…

XXX

Celestia woke, the next morning, to a gentle knock on her door. “Sister?” asked Luna. “Uhm… Tia, is everything alright? I raised the sun, I hope you don’t mind. It’s just that you weren’t coming out. I figured you might have wanted to sleep late after the long night you had with Twilight.”

Celestia’s back was tense, and as she came into consciousness, she became aware that she was propped up in a very painful way. Considering the stiffness running down her spine, as well as the pins and needles in her rump, she must have been like this for quite some time. She opened her eyes and tried to look around the room, but neither her head nor her eyes could move. All she could do was look straight ahead at the door that Luna was knocking on. Celestia closed her eyes and focused, attempting to use a spell to open the door so Luna could come in, but nothing happened. There were no sparks, or the “feel” of magic, which was odd, and rather frightening. With a greater sense of panic now, Celestia attempted to lift her arms, or kick her legs, or even roll her eyes, but found herself completely rooted to the spot. She was utterly paralyzed, and stuck in this seated position, back painfully straight and buttocks going numb. What magic could do this? Sure, there were spells that would bind the victim, but to completely immobilize someone so fully, to the extent even their eyes could not move?

The door knob inside her room glowed blue, turning slowly. The door opened with hesitance and fear, but finally Luna’s head peaked inside. With every fiber of her being, Celestia struggled to scream or even whimper, but she couldn’t even feel her lungs draw a breath. Her eyes remained fixated on her sister, as Luna’s eyes focused on her. The dark blue princess trotted forward, tentative steps soon coming into a full gallop, and after a moment, she disappeared into a flash of dark blue. Celestia’s heart fell, until Luna reappeared in a series of sparks, now standing inches away from Celestia’s face. “Well, well, well,” Luna asked. “What have we got here?”

A thousand thoughts ran through Celestia’s mind. She could not feel her lungs, and could not feel her breath, but she imagined she was moments from hyperventilating. Luna’s horn glowed blue, and Celestia felt herself lift off the bed. She felt herself spin slowly, her vision forced around the room, and her eyes happened to catch a glimpse of the mirror. In the reflection, she saw Luna and the room and the bed she was sitting on, but she did not see herself. Rather, she saw wedding cake embraced by the blue of Luna’s magic. The wedding cake was pale white in color, covered in scrumptious looking frosting as fine as Celestia’s own fur. The cake was four layers, each layer trimmed with rainbow frosting in the pattern of Celestia’s mane. Crowning the cake was an adorable crown, perhaps hardened sugar or candy. It looked delicious.

Soon, she had turned, and Celestia no longer had a clear view to the mirror. She surveyed the rest of the room, before once more she was facing Luna, whose tongue had slipped out of her lips and licked a fleck of drool dribbling down her chin. “Celestia must have ordered a cake last night. A little midnight snack? But why didn’t she eat it? Was she called away?”

Celestia watched as Luna trotted about the room, looking for a note or some sign that her sister might have left. In her voiceless way, Celestia was screaming and shaking, but fully aware she could neither move nor make a sound. There had to be something she could do though. Some way to warn her sister and get her attention. Her mind raced through every spell she knew, and she tried everyone, hoping one might work.

At last, Luna trotted back in front of the cake, and once more licked her lips. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten, Celestia. After Night Mare Night, Pipsqueak sent me a cupcake, but then it mysteriously disappeared before I even got the chance to lick the frosting.” Celestia’s heart fell as Luna balanced on her large rump, and reached her fore hooves forward. Celestia felt the pressure of the hooves at… where her neck would normally be, and then felt them lift. Without resistance, the highest layer of the cake was separated from the body. Several terrified moments passed before Celestia realized she was still alive, fully aware her head had been removed from her shoulders, and still felt her lower body resting on the bed. Luna turned the layer of cake she was holding several times, and Celestia caught glimpse of the rest of the cake, sitting there without its head. She could still feel herself: the pins and needles in her asleep buttocks and her arms trapped at her side. At last, she was once more facing Luna, and watched as Luna’s tongue once more licked over her lips.

“I’m sorry Celestia, I haven’t got any clue what might have happened to your cake. Nope, no clue what might have happened. Maybe it was the pink one. Yes, it was her, no doubt.”

Luna opened her mouth very wide, and rolled out her red tongue. Long strands of drool dripped off the rows and rows of teeth. Sticky strands of saliva clung to the corners of her lips as they parted. Celestia watched in breathless horror as the tongue brushed up her face, tasting the creamy, frosted coating. A large clump of her face went with the tongue. She could feel a part of her cheek housed in Luna’s maw, so slimy and warm and sickening. “My, the chef really outdid himself on this one.” A moment later, the entire top of the cake, essentially Celestia’s head, was stuffed past Luna’s greedy lips.

Luna’s tongue pushed the cake hard against the roof of her mouth, the saliva already working to break the lump down. Celestia felt her “head” mashed into mush. She was swished about between Luna’s cheeks, and then Luna lifted her head so her snout was facing the ceiling. With a heavy gulp, Celestia felt herself inch over Luna’s bumpy tongue, soon dropping into the bottomless void of the blue pony’s throat. Another gulp followed, and Luna was relieved of the bulk of cake, feeling it slide into her belly. “Vanilla!” Luna decided. “Chocolate is better, though. And there is something else also. Nougat? Caramel?” She looked over what was left of the cake. It was an impressive size, almost the size of her in fact, but then, Celestia was a bit of a glutton when it came to pastries.

Celestia could feel every bite, every slurp, every lick, as her sister devoured the cake, bit by greedy bit. She could feel everything, every part of her as it was taken into the warm maw of the night princess, chewed and then traveling down the squeezing throat muscles. The pieces landed in Luna’s cavernous belly, where her head was housed.

When the last scrumptious bit of cake had disappeared past her lips, Luna actually took the time to lick the frosting that clung to the bed sheets. It was delicious. She licked up the crumbs that had fallen on the floor and cleaned her hooves, and when she was sure there were none left, she took up residence on Celestia’s bed, lying down.

“Perhaps… I didn’t think this through…” Luna muttered, watching as her distended stomach sagged to her side. She looked like… well, to be honest; it looked like she had eaten an entire pony. She rubbed her engorged stomach happily, smacking the layers and layers of fat and giggling like a foal at the ripples she formed. She wanted nothing more than to curl up and digest all she had eaten, but she knew she at least had to make an appearance at breakfast, and greet the Bearers of Harmony.

Trotting to the banquette hall proved problematic. Luna’s belly sagged and sometimes even dragged on the ground, until she thought to use her magic to keep her middle tight. Just the right amount of pressure was required: too much and she started to feel sick, too little and her chubby stomach still dragged or knocked her knees. But just the right amount of magic, and she actually felt quite pleasant, giving her tummy several squeezes.

She pushed the door open, and stepped into the banquette hall, where the Bearers of Harmony were waiting for her. Luna was surprised not to see Celestia there, but assumed she was already watching over the day. Upon seeing Luna’s sagging belly, several chuckles escaped Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie’s lips. Sitting next to each other, there were whispers exchanged. Fat jokes no doubt, but Luna didn’t much care.

“Has anyone seen my sister?” Luna asked.

“I was speaking to her until late,” Twilight Sparkle said. “Sometime after midnight, she finally ordered me to get some sleep. She walked me to my room, and that was the last I saw of her.”

Luna nodded, and then looked to the Royal Chef, who was pushing an omelet bar into the center of the dining hall. “Did Celestia order anything last night, to be sent to her room? When I went in this morning, there was a cake of impressive dimensions sitting on her bed.”

The snickers and chuckles from the blue and pink pony were suddenly cut off. Luna looked to them, and then back to the chef, who shook his head. She frowned, confused, but didn’t think much about it. Her belly was full, and she was feeling so slothful. All she wanted to do was curl into bed and rest. “I am sorry I will not be attending breakfast,” Luna said, and bowed gently. “I already ate the cake that was in Celestia’s room.”

Luna had to duck when a stream of hot coffee was spat in her direction. The poor chef, who was standing behind her, ended up being hit. Luna quickly cast a spell that pulled the hot drink into the air, and then cast a healing spell that would remedy whatever burns he might be suffering. Glaring wrathfully at Pinkie Pie, who had spat at her, she guided the coffee into a potted plant where it would be out of the way.

“P-princess, I’m so sorry!” Pinkie Pie shrieked. Her head suddenly fell, and she hid it beneath a pair of hooves as sobs rippled through her. Rainbow Dash scooted closer, and rubbed her back gently.

“Do not let it happen again,” Luna grumbled. She turned, and trotted out of the room. Peasants, she mused. What Celestia saw in these fools was beyond her, and what they saw in her sister she did not know. She was bitter and annoyed as she opened the door to her personal quarters, and stepped inside. Before Twilight Sparkle could catch her (she was aware she was being followed,) she closed the door and sealed it shut with a spell. She did not want interruptions. She did not want to be bothered. She just wanted to rest, and revel in the blissful fullness the cake had offered.

“Well…” Rainbow Dash whispered. “Now we know how Poison Joke affects the princess…”

Luna slept deep the whole day, never waking up. The full belly she possessed somehow soothed her in such a way. Truthfully, she had not slept that good since she was a foal. And when she woke, she gave a wide yawn. A trace of cake was discovered in the back of one of her teeth, and she happily licked it up and swallowed. The delightful fullness in her belly seemed to have passed, and she was somewhat disappointed. She felt a tingle in her rump, but before she used the little foal’s room, she wanted to check and see how Celestia was doing.

Luna’s eyes happened upon a mirror as she passed, and she spent a moment examining her new found curves. She had a delightful amount of weight now embracing her hips, giving her much larger, firmer flanks and a pair of shapely half-moon. Although the oversized gorge of her belly had disappeared, she still looked quite good.

She undid the barrier spell, and stepped out of her room, only to be greeted by a Royal Guard who had been knocking furiously on her door.

“My princess!” he said, huffing and puffing.

“What is it sergeant?” she asked.

“The sun, princess… Look outside!”

Luna trotted to the nearest window, and rested her upper body on the sill. At first she was confused, until she looked up and saw that the sun was still sitting in the eastern quarter of the sky, the same spot she had left it in this morning. That meant Celestia had not been there to guide it, and it had gotten stuck. Luna raced off to the tallest tower of the castle, breaking through any doors that stood locked in her path. She quickly cast a spell that moved the sun out of the sky, and lifted the moon, before racing for the balcony that overlooked the castle’s square. It was no surprise that there was a mob of ponies there, waiting for an explanation from Celestia. She heard more than a few grumbles and sighs when Luna showed her face.

“Citizens of Equestria,” Luna said, voice meek. A shiver ran down her spine.

Stomps and trots and shouts continued, long and loud. They had grown louder in fact, all intent to drown out her voice. Luna’s teeth gritted. She tried again, tilting her head up and saying, “Please, just a moment of your time.” But when all else failed, she settled for using the Royal Canterlot Voice and shouted, “ENOUGH!” If her words did not succeed in gaining everyponies attention, the spark of lightning that carved through the sky certainly did. The crowd went silent. Now at least she could think of what to say. “Citizens of Equestria, I am sorry for the confusion, and whatever worry has stirred in your breast. I ask you now, be patient, for my sister has fallen ill. She is in no danger, but she cannot muster the concentration to raise the sun. I, Princess Luna of the Night, shall watch over the day, until my sister has returned to full strength. Please, just be patient, and she will return soon… I give my word as your princess.”

There were mutters and snarky comments, but soon everyone turned and began to trot away, and Luna held her head low. When it was discovered she had lied (and it would be discovered) they would never forgive her. They would not understand why she did it, they would just be angry that she did. Perhaps Celestia had been kidnapped, and a pair of adventures would stumble upon her. Then she would return to the castle, and the lie Luna had given would be found out. But for now, at least they were not screaming. She turned, and headed back to her room.

“Luna, where is Princess Celestia?” Twilight Sparkle asked when she came upon the blue pony in the hallway.

“She is sick,” Luna said quickly.

“I don’t believe you, Luna. Where is Princess Celestia? Did you do something?”

Luna glared at Twilight. “You insolent peasant! You suspect I would hurt my sister?!”

Twilight Sparkle spread her hooves to brace herself. “Did you do something, yes or no?”

Tense moments passed. Twilight Sparkle spread her legs, and braced her hooves, while Luna spread her wings and continued staring. Sparks of magic exploded from the tip of their respective horns, and Twilight Sparkle hoofed the ground, preparing to charge. “Where is Celestia?” she asked again, a spell charging on the tip of her horn.

Luna sighed, and lowered her head, wings falling limp. Her magic faded into nothing, although Twilight Sparkle remained on guard. “You have every right to suspect me, Twilight Sparkle, but no, I have not lifted a hoof against my sister. My worry for her… it surpasses your own. To you she is a mentor, a friend, a confidant, a princess. But to me… she is the only light in a dark, dark world. I feel terror swelling in my breast, and sickness in my stomach. And now, if something has happened to her… now in this moment the citizens of Equestria turn to me for truth and guidance, I tell them a lie. I have no idea where Celestia is. My only hope is she will return, before the citizens of Equestria grow bored and exile me once more.” Luna groaned. “And I am greatly regretting eating her cake. By the heavens, how does she tolerate so much sugar at once?”

Twilight Sparkle smiled. “Had the same problem with Spike. Too much ice cream for even his iron-clad stomach. Celestia is made of strong stuff. I am positive that she is fine, wherever she may be. And when we return to Ponyville, I will ask everyone I know if they have seen her, or seen anything suspicious. She couldn’t have just disappeared.”

Luna sighed. She sensed something behind her, and looked over her shoulder, noticing something pink peeking around the corner. When their blue eyes met, Pinkie Pie retreated with a squeal. Luna growled. “What did I do to the pink one to earn her animosity?! She poisons the minds of the young ones against me, assaults me with hot beverages, and now she stalks me around every corner in my own home! I have just as much right to this castle as my sister! Why does she insist on pestering me so?” Twilight Sparkle pressed against the wall as Luna trotted past her. She stomped down the hallway, ample posterior swaying.

The night was tense and filled with worry for Luna. She looked to every corner, every shadow, sure to find some trace of Celestia: a strand of white fur, a distinctive hoof print, her lost crown or an article of clothing. How could there be not a trace of her anywhere? How could she have just disappeared into thin air?

It took all her strength to raise the sun the next morning. Her heart was heavy with worry, and there was a sickening emptiness in her gut. There was also an almost painful pressure between her legs and under her tail, her body longing to release all that was stored deep within her bowels. But first, there was another group waiting in the castle’s square, stomping their hooves and making Luna’s head pound. She was in no mood for dealing with idiot peasants, and with the Royal Canterlot Voice, ordered everyone to return to their home, that Celestia’s condition had neither worsened nor improved, and she needed her rest.

Luna escorted the Bearers of Harmony back to Ponyville, despite the heavy bags under her eyes and the pounding in her bowels, and the sickening worry about her sister in the pit of her stomach. Apparently, Celestia had agreed to visit Ponyville, and with her “sick,” the responsibility fell to Luna.

It was odd to come out during the day. A celebration seemed to have been set up for Celestia’s arrival, and they must not have seen the logic in tearing it down when it was announced that Luna would be coming instead. There was a banner, welcoming the “Princess,” and although that was an ambiguous term, the multicolored writing made it clear which princess they had been planning for. But Pipsqueak was there to greet her, and that made the initial greet slightly more tolerable. He charged through the crowd, weaving his way through the lank legs, and when he finally had a clear view of Luna, he leapt upon her, hugging her around the neck and hanging rather comically off her.

Luna sighed softly, and placed a hoof under his rump, holding him up and hugging him back. There were other ponies who Luna knew were happy to see her, perhaps even happier to see her than her sister. Dew Drop, an adorably small unicorn, bowed before her and kissed the hoof that was offered. He had a grey coat, and blue hair, and loved the night far more than the day. Black Jack, an Earth Pony who Luna would adore for no other reason than his raven black coat, asked if she would like to get a drink with him later in the night. He was nice to her, he always had been, and loved the calm night more than the day. Some dark, quiet nights, they had enjoyed moon lit walks through the park. More than once she caught him staring at her, perhaps her added curves enticed the stocky stallion. And although it was clear most would have rather their beloved Celestia, they seemed somewhat happy for Luna’s presence.

The party was held at Sugar Cube Corner. Several deserts had been hastily baked when word of Luna’s presence had spread. The planned Angel food cake was replaced with a Devil’s food cake (Luna was not sure if she should be insulted at the change, since she did in fact much prefer chocolate.) Teas with cinnamon spice were served, instead of the tea with fresh cream and sugar as Celestia was known to enjoy. And the bakery was significantly less crowded, which Luna found she preferred. The Cakes seemed calmer with her presence, once or twice allowing her cup of tea to empty before they rushed to refill it. And the ponies who were there were much more pleasant to talk to. There were no peasants, taking up space so they could steal a glance of the Princess of the Sun. There were only her subjects, who were genuinely interested in her. Perhaps it wasn’t so bad, being second to Celestia…

If only her bowels would calm down. She kept crossing her legs or shifting in her seat, struggling to keep her cheeks tightly squeezed. She could feel pressure building inside her. She was both hungry and nauseated. Eating food settled the rumbling in her belly, but also made the pounding in her rump harder to bear. Struggling to maintain a smile, she excused herself from the table, and casually trotted for the door. She thought of slipping into one of the empty shops, but how horrid her stomach felt, she doubted a normal “throne” would be able to handle her. Not to mention, she didn’t want to be embarrassed in front of subjects. By the heavens, it felt like she was going to give birth!

But where could she go? She could teleport back to her castle but… oh, how she was feeling, she was not even sure her royal throne could handle what was brewing inside her. And did she even have the concentration for such a long distance jump? Or the magic left? Raising the sun had left her utterly drained. She thought of the Everfree Forest, barren of sentient life, and so frightening she would probably alone while she did her business. That would just have to do.

“Do you think this will work?” Pinkie Pie asked, pressing against a wall and peeking around the corner of Sugar Cube Corner.

“I don’t know Pinkie.”

“What if it doesn’t, though!”

“I don’t know Pinkie!” Rainbow Dash sighed. “Come on, she’s moving. We can’t lose sight of her.”

When Luna was finally relieved of the pressure, she tumbled forward, a sense of relief washing over her body. She quickly lifted herself off the ground with her magic and carried herself a few feet away from the nasty pile of excrement. Passing that much, she felt lighter, hungry, and utterly exhausted. But it had been almost orgasmic, pressing that much out of her all at once, and now she felt oddly giddy.

Celestia was happy as well. She was free of the tight, hot, pitch black bowels of her sister, and although the Everfree Forest was overgrown, the glimmers of light that spilled through the leaves felt like she was embraced by the sun itself. She had been… separated, when she was inside Luna. Bits of her had been in Luna’s belly, her kidneys, her bladder and bowels, but now it seemed Celestia was mostly back together. She still could not move or use her magic, but she could see Luna, lying down. Her sister sighed softly, standing back up, and cast a glance behind her. Shrugging, she headed back for the party, now eager to have some of the Devil’s food cake, and Celestia was left alone.

Alone… all alone. Left to… what was left for her now? What would become of her? Aware of her body, aware of herself, but unable to move until she was broken down completely, and fell into oblivion. Was this some punishment? Some retribution for what she had been forced to do to Luna all those years ago? Or the many crimes that she had committed in her long life, crimes that were not even remembered as legend…

“I hope this works,” Pinkie Pie muttered, as she bit the cork off of a large glass bottle. She shook as she attempted to pour it, but Rainbow Dash came beside her, and steadied her hoof.

“It will work,” Rainbow Dash said, and together, they poured the bath over the ugly pile, doing their best to saturate it all.

A heavy breath tore through Celestia’s lungs, the first she had been able to take in days. A crippling pain surged through her suddenly, leaving her on the ground, eyes nearly bulging out of her head. Tears streamed down her face from both pain, and the raw joy that she felt like herself again. Her chest, not yet fully formed, could not tolerate the warm breath surging through her. She saw stars, and she fell. Her body was taken in a series of violent shakes.

Rainbow Dash cupped Celestia’s head, and carefully tilted it up. She placed a cup against Celestia’s lips to give Celestia the first drink of water in days. “Princess Celestia, it was all just a prank! We slipped some Poison Joke on your food. We thought that… we never thought any of this would have happened!”

“We’re so sorry!” Pinkie Pie shouted.

Celestia stood up very slowly, legs weak. She fell once, but then managed to stand and find her balance. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash both cowered as Celestia took a step towards them. She had gotten… smaller, somehow. She did not tower above them as she usually did, but seemed almost the same size as Luna. Pieces of her must have still been inside the blue pony, forever a part of her. Somehow, her smaller size, at a closer level to Pinkie and Rainbow Dash, only made her more terrifying.

Simultaneously, both opened their mouth to speak, but were silenced when Celestia placed a hoof on their lips. Her voice was calm and steady, and yet that made it worse than if she were yelling. Neither of the younger ponies could stop shaking. “If either of you ever speak of this to anypony, including each other, I shall know. And I shall banish you to the moon for all eternity. Do I make myself clear?”

Whimpers and furious nods of the head gave Celestia her answer. She removed her hooves. Her horn sparked several times, before at last, she managed to cast a spell and teleport herself back to her personal quarters at the castle. She almost collapsed from the exertion, her body still not up to snuff. She should probably see a doctor, or eat something, but right now all she wanted to do was melt inside a warm bath.

She locked the doors to her room and attempted to erect a shield, but found she did not have the energy. Hoping a mundane lock would suffice, she headed into the bathroom. She filled the tub with water and managed to cast a simple spell that would keep the water hot. She eased herself in very slowly, her hooves and long rear legs, then her groin and chest, and finally up to her neck. This would be the first of a thousand baths before she could ever feel clean again. Tomorrow she would take another. Tomorrow would be busy. Tomorrow, she would have to give a Royal Decree that she had fallen ill, but was now feeling fine, which was not technically a lie. She would thank the people of Equestria for their patience and compassion. Tomorrow, she would take another bath, filled with every shampoo, soap, and herb she could find, and ask if any of the Royal Guards would be willing to scrub her fur. Perhaps she would ask if Twilight Sparkle could. She would eat tomorrow. She was starving, and needed to build up not only her strength, but her size, having lost so much to her sister. But most importantly, tomorrow she would have a long, long conversation with Luna about coming into her room, and eating her cake.

Uck, cake. “I swear,” Celestia muttered, rubbing her belly with slight nausea. “I don’t think I’ll ever have another bite of cake again.”